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Chapter 1: The Paradise Lounge This is a true story. Back in the 1990s I was known as Beets and I (temporarily) crippled a Scientologist stripper.  That was me circa 1994 at 23 years old. I worked at a strip club in the southern US. The club was somewhere between the cliched local-dirty-businessman-owned-criminal-front dump and a B-tier okay-to-take-travelling-businessman-to-but-only-after-much-alcohol-at-a-better-strip-club kind of place. It wasn't dirty but it wasn't fancy. We only occasionally had a buffet lunch during the day. Strip club food is not very good food. Never eat the shrimp. Our bartenders and DJs were great though and they, along with maybe 4 of the girls, were really what brought customers in. The club was at the end of a short dead end road with nothing else around but a coin operated car wash that no one used and a pawn shop. It had the very original name of THE PARADISE LOUNGE but most people around town just called it "The 'Dise" which was not only a play on the name but also a nod to the dice games and other sorts of gambling that went on after hours. A couple letters of the ugly orange neon sign didn't work. In the parking lot there were a couple of rusted out cars on cement blocks that had been there for 15 years, or so I was told. Drunk patrons of the bar would sometimes sleep in the cars. It was not an upscale environment by any means but considering the local area it wasn't the worst place. I got the nickname Beets working there. I don't particularly love beets; they're okay but I'm not a fanatic. One of my favorite shirts was a blue t-shirt that had a simple picture of a beet on it. I just liked the color of the shirt and the cut of it looked good on me. Plus it was often a conversation starter. One day our most reliable regular, Crazy Leo, called me Beets and it just stuck. He thought it was funny because I was a bouncer and I would sometimes have to "beet" people. Ha. Hilarious. Anyway, here is my best approximation of Crazy Leo:  Crazy Leo was around 65 and was the brother of Carl. Carl was the owner of the club and looked not unlike Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Carl was a jerk and thankfully wasn't around very often. Crazy Leo was quite an alcoholic and talked to himself. A lot. We mostly couldn't understand what he was mumbling but sometimes we could make out the words "safe" and "Stella". None of us ever asked who Stella was. We were told to just let Leo be Leo. Crazy Leo was mostly harmless and would only act out when he wasn't drinking which was rare. Michelle was a stripper. Michelle was THE stripper. Michelle was the Queen of Stripperdom at our establishment and she was not to be trifled with by the other strippers. Michelle was also batshit crazy and bugfuck insane. This is Michelle, aka Viper, when I first met her. She had green hair and wore a big leather hat:  Michelle was 32. She called herself Viper, and insisted to be called Viper, by everyone except me and Crazy Leo. To this day I do not know why I was given a pass. Anyway, among the reasons she called herself Viper was the fact that she had a tattoo of a snake just above her vagina. It wasn't flashy or colorful and since she was supposedly 16 when she got it, it had faded over 15 years and wasn't very prominent on her richly tanned skin. I don't know if the tat came first or if her nickname did, but I like to think that the reason she was known as Viper is because everyone knew that she had snakes in her loving head. Here is another way to picture her:  or even  Honestly though, she was strikingly beautiful and took great pride in and care of her body and hot drat she had a killer body. I worked in a lot of clubs in the 90s and she was probably the most naturally pretty woman I met. It is seriously hard to overstate her classical beauty. She had promiment cheekbones, full lips, and incredible gray eyes. Just absolutely mesmerizing eyes. Her 'thing' was drastically changing her appearance and wearing lots of different outfits. Her normal hair color was blonde but she would often dye it pink, green, black, etc or wear extensions or wigs. She'd even use colored contact lenses or fake eyeglasses. She'd dress up as a teen beauty contestant complete with a tiara one day, and a couple of days later she would be a cowgirl or a pants-suit wearing secretary. Her default mode of dress was usually a tight miniskirt or cheerleader skirt, big black boots, and some sort of cutesy tshirt. Over a given 2 week period she would have probably 5 or 6 different personas. This wasn't a thing for her pole dancing shows, or for cosplay, or anything like that. She would do it solely to confuse people and she was really loving good at it. Kinda like Roger from American Dad in that respect. At this time Viper was pretty much an unknowable entity to anyone other than Crazy Leo and Carl. Carl made it known that as long as he was alive Viper would have a job at The Paradise Lounge. I still don't know much about the relationship between Carl and Viper but I know it wasn't sexual. It was very deep and odd but by all appearances genuine and heartfelt and pretty profound. I wish I knew the secret they shared; it had to be a loving monster. I don't know the truth of many things she told me but according to Viper she was from a small town in Indiana and left home when she was 16 (I believe that one). She claimed she graduated high school early (not true) and recieved a scholarship to Harvard (definitely not true) but turned it down to study music at The Juilliard School in NYC . Big NOPE on that one. Anyway after I got to know her a bit I learned that she had been stripping off and on at random bars and clubs along the east coast since she was 17 and pretty much full time for the 10 years she worked at The 'Dise. She also claimed that she had done some local TV commercials when she lived in Philly and had also taken part in some sort of porno shoot that never went to distribution. Crazy Leo LOVED Viper. Not in a stripper-worship way, but in a kind of sweet way. He called her his neice and she called him Uncle Leo but they were not related. She would help him out financially from time to time and he would help her in other ways. They did have this one weird thing going on though:  Every Thursday night, without fail, Viper would give Crazy Leo a lap dance in our sad, pathetic version of a champagne/VIP room. It was really just an oversized doorless closet with a horrible orange shag carpet, a black faux leather couch, a couple of ceiling to floor mirrors, a mirror ball overhead, and christmas tree lights strung around the room. A loudspeaker was mounted in the corner, and the song I remember being played most in there at the time was "Whoomp! There it is!" by Tag Team. Whenever she was ready Viper would give Crazy Leo a wink and a smile and and it was understood that for the next 30 minutes or so Viper would be unavailable. That's all fine and dandy; a regular getting a lap dance was no big deal except for the fact that Viper would let, or rather actually encourage, Crazy Leo to motorboat her tits. And on top of that, he would mumble "safe" and "Stella" louder than normal. Over and over while his face was buried in her tits. "SAFE" "mrmgshmfmh" "STELLA" "mumble mumbgrshmff" and so on. Viper had a weird thing for bananas. I don't know if it was the attraction to something phallic but she did the craziest poo poo with bananas. She would:  Put a banana in the tail pipe of someone's car. She loved the scene in Beverly Hills Cop where Eddie Murphy did that. If it was as a joke on a coworker, she'd walk up to them and say "DO YOU HAVE A BANANA IN YOUR TAILPIPE" and that person would have to go look to see if she indeed put a loving banana in their tailpipe. Sometimes she'd do that to a customer that didn't tip her well enough. Other times she'd just chase one of the other girls around with a banana, or she would just sneak up behind someone and touch the banana to their rear end in a top hat. That's also how she would greet a new coworker or a new customer, banana in hand or not; she would just jam her thumb into their rear end in a top hat and laugh about it. It's a wonder she never got decked for it. She always had bananas at her makeup station so we were never safe. And oh my god if you ever crossed the sacred boundaries of her dressing room area she would flip the gently caress out. She was very definitely a diva and had the sterotypical hollywood starlet's make up mirror with the giant light bulbs and pictures of herself stuck on the frame. Everyone else had to make do with handheld mirrors or share the only other wall mounted mirror. To be fair though, she was not the only stripper that went off the chain on occasion. Fights were rare at The 'Dise but I probably broke up more actual fights between the girls that worked there than I did scuffles between patrons. In general Viper was a very vengeful and utterly psychotic person. The first couple of years I worked with her were pretty tame except for the Leo and banana shenanigans but towards the end she started going off the deep end. Some of this stuff I didn't find out until much later from a mutual friend but she would: *torment everyone with superglue. She'd squirt some into the locks on our lockers, glue someone's personal items to the wall or floor or desk, etc *slash the tires of her very narrowly defined rude customers *anonymously call the wife/girlfriend of customers and tell them she was loving the guy and she was pregnant *put some kind of itching powder in the costumes of other girls *go loving buck wild and try to slap the poo poo out of whoever was closest And her favorite thing: She would take thumbtacks or anything sharp that she could find and toss them onto the couches or seats throughout the club, then take her lap dance client to that chair and just loving GRIND them into the thumbtacks or whatever. If there were thumbtacks in the seat cushion she would be sure to sit on their lap and just keep grinding making sure they felt the tack. Sometimes she would find something bulky and very hard like a piece of cement from the parking lot, unzip the cushion cover and slip the rock inside. If it was in the back of the couch she'd lean onto them with her tits in their face and just smash their back into it. She'd cover her tracks and remove them later. Who the gently caress does that? Viper. Why? The snakes in her head I guess. The worst thing she ever did though was try to put ground up glass in other girls' makeup. That was toward the end of her employment there and after I left; I only heard about it later. Thankfully the girls were smart enough to realize the attempt so they kept their real makeup elsewhere outside of the dressing room. The crazy thing is that she is not the only stripper I have known that did that. The other one was years after all of this. I've been around a lot of strippers and sex workers in my day. A lot of them were very well adjusted to their lifestyle choice and were quite successful at it. A couple that worked at high class clubs became millionaires through hard work and clever investing. Others had very profound issues and were legitimately struggling to survive. Viper was just loving nuts. loving. Nuts. Sometimes I think she was just willfully crazy. She revelled in it. It was sort of impressive in a twisted way. So that's the kind of person Viper was and that's the kind of place the club was.  Viper and I started loving around a year into my employment there. And that's when it started to get crazy. e: fixed a link E: chapter 2 later if anyone cares to know more isaboo fucked around with this message at 07:28 on Jan 11, 2020 |
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Jan 10, 2020 05:12
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e: oops double post. e: Chapter 2 here! https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3910320&pagenumber=2#post501552901 e: Chapter 3 part 1 here: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3910320&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=2#post501595946 The finale here Chapter 3 part 2 : https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?noseen=0&threadid=3910320&perpage=40&pagenumber=3#post501604447 isaboo fucked around with this message at 03:27 on Jan 13, 2020 |
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Jan 10, 2020 05:14
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kazr posted:Now help me dig these crack rocks outta my rear end Nah, crack wasn't her drug of choice. She liked hallucinogens and those play a part later. I met plenty of crack whores along the way though ClamdestineBoyster posted:She sound like a real special strawberry op. Strawberry was actually the name of another stripper I knew, and she was a girl that I had known since 1st grade. She was called that because she'd spank her rear end so hard on stage it would make her (black) rear end red. isaboo fucked around with this message at 06:03 on Jan 10, 2020 |
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Jan 10, 2020 06:00
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Prokhor Zakharov posted:The worst job I ever had was as a strip club bouncer, I barely lasted a month Yeah in my experience bouncing at a gentlemen's club is either terrible or pretty drat good but rarely in the middle. College bars are terrible. Biker bars are usually just fine. Some music venues can get pretty bonkers depending on the dominant genre performed there. For a while I worked at some hardcore punk and underground clubs and those could get pretty dicey especially if the nazis showed up to gently caress with straightedge kids.
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Jan 10, 2020 06:19
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Well What Now posted:get to the part where the crippling thing happens I guess that will be chapter 3. First I have to introduce you to Bryan, the roommate. He sets all the Scientology and crippling stuff in motion. I gotta draw up the pictures for chapter 2.
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Jan 10, 2020 07:46
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Peachfart posted:This is pure GBS from 2004, and for once I mean that in a good way. Good thread. haha. I think the last time I created a thread in GBS was in 2004 or so and it was of similar substance and style but I don't have archives so I can't be sure. I miss the days of BigPeeler and Waterman and the dude in Louisiana that dug a big hole and also shot wild boars and all their ridiculous MSPaint stuff. I guess nowadays it's Paint3D instead. I have a million stories and thought this one might be fun to do that sort of thing with. isaboo fucked around with this message at 10:12 on Jan 10, 2020 |
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Jan 10, 2020 09:19
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Chapter 2: TayTay, Psycho, and a car ride Meet Bryan, aka TayTay:  TayTay (His middle name was Taylor) became our new DJ at The 'Dise sometime in 1995 and shortly thereafter became my roommate. Hoo boy. TayTay was a big dude. He was about 6'7" 270lbs and sorta looked like Billy Ray Cyrus; the 1990s Billy Ray. Not Miley's Dad circa today. TayTay's favorite thing in the world was cooking chili or better yet Brunswick Stew. And I mean the traditional southern Brunswick Stew which is made with squirrel meat. His chili was excellent and the Brunswick Stew was surprisingly good though I only ate it a handful of times. He'd stand over those pots forever just silently stirring them, cigarette dangling from his mouth with ashes falling into the food every once in a while, and one hand down his shorts. It seemed to be very hypnotic to him and he often looked like he was in a trance. I don't want to know what he was thinking. TayTay both loved and hated squirrels. He loved to eat them but otherwise hated them with a passion. He'd hunt them for his stew but he'd also go in the thick woods behind our house and just hunt them for fun. Dude had a loving huge collection of squirrel tails and pelts some of which decorated the walls of his room. He claimed that he was saving up enough to make himself a vest or something. I guess he thought that would make a good look along with the cutoff jean shorts he wore all the drat time. He was always shirtless except at work and I like to think that he would have proudly worn his squirrel vest on his bare chest with the shorts. He read a lot, which is cool, but dude read a lot of weird poo poo. It was mostly "non-fiction" (used loosely here) Ancient aliens, hollow earth, lizard people on the moon type poo poo. In the 90s there were quite a few self-published magazines and pamphlets around and he would collect as many of them as he could. Some of them were pretty cool especially the weird comics and music publications. There was even Nazi poo poo mixed in but he really never got into that thankfully. But by and large it was just a steady flow of nonsense that he would read. Including...... Dianetics, by one L Ron Hubbard. We'll return to this later but him picking up that book was the beginning of the end. I had been living with TayTay for a short while before Viper and I started our thing. After several months Viper said I could crash at her place anytime, even move in if I wanted, so she gave me a key. She had a pretty nice apartment. It was nicely decorated and there were not any animal pelts on the walls and it didn't reek of cigarette smoke. I was pretty happy to have somewhere to go other than that shithole I was in and I was also really curious to just get a glimpse into Viper's private life. There were bananas featured everywhere in the decor though. I should have expected that honestly. Viper and TayTay started hanging out at her place. There wasn't anything romantic going on between them; they were just two wackadoodles that gravitated toward each other. Since the apartment was Viper's and she didn't take any money from me for bills I really couldn't say anything about him coming over. Sometimes they'd spend hours babbling about whatever crap TayTay was reading. The Dianetics book showed up at Viper's place and I started to get really worried. Viper was quickly becoming unhinged and TayTay was enabling it, feeding her all sorts of bullshit about Scientology and conspiracies. They started doing more and more hallucinogens. Okay, fine by me. I like them too. But they were often taking god knows what else with them and I'm pretty sure PCP was used at times. He also started encouraging her to do her costuming thing more and more often so that "they couldn't ruin Xenu's plans" by keeping tabs on Viper, the "they" being some sort of nebulous cabal. I guess. I dunno, I tried to tune a lot of that poo poo out. What I couldn't tune out was living with a goddamn lunatic. One morning I was in the shower, just taking my time and letting the hot water wash over my face with my eyes closed. I heard the door open and of course it wasn't uncommon for us to be in there at the same time so I didn't bother to look. I just said "Hey Michelle". No answer. I said "V? You ok?" Just as I opened my eyes the shower curtain suddenly exploded to the side and all I could see through the water in my eyes was some sort of figure with a raised hand making some sort of screeching sound and a stabbing motion. My loving heart almost burst through my chest and I fell backward into the corner of the shower, slipped and fell and kicked out trying to get this goddamn thing away from me. "Awwwwww honeeeeeyyyyyyyyyy oh gently caress are you okayyyyyyyyy???" was what I heard. She had a goddamn, motherfucking, stupid rear end banana in her lunatic loving hand. She was laughing as she said it and just having a good old time. She had a red wig on backwards so that it covered her face and a purple sweater and just looked absolutely bent out of her mind.  She did stuff like that several times. What was once fun (having fantastic sex with a crazy stripper) was quickly starting to unravel me in my general day to day life. Like the day I had to have oral surgery. The surgery went fine and I was expecting Viper to pick me up. For all her faults and craziness she was pretty drat reliable in terms of being somewhere when expected and following through on a promise. For once I wish she had failed me. I was on some pretty strong drugs from the surgery, I was tired, and I was just in a bad place. The dentist's staff wheeled me out to the car where Viper was waiting, only it was not Viper. At least not to my drug addled eyes. It wasn't the Viper I was used to seeing in her default attire or the costumes I recognized. She was dressed thusly (That's supposed to be a chainmail top):  Now, that was quite a sight to behold when you're whacked out of your mind and in pain and in general just confused as gently caress. The dental assistants knew Viper (everyone did, of course) so they weren't concerened about putting me in the car with my girlfriend. I'm pretty sure she said "give IT to me" when they dumped me in the back seat and off we went. We didn't get very far out of the parking lot because.... Viper decided that left turns do not exist. She was clearly high as gently caress on something, probably tripping on LSD or shrooms or whateverthefuck. It was just simply impossible- intellectually, emotionally, or physically- for Viper to make a loving left turn. It was a very, very long 10 miles or so to her place without taking a goddamn left turn. It took us at least an hour and I was livid and losing my loving mind.  Sometimes she would forget what she was doing and actually make a left turn, then start sobbing about how it isn't real and left is wrong and oh god we're going to die. Not a fun ride. We finally got home and of loving course TayTay was there and was howling his balls off about how funny it all was. If I had been sober I would have broken his loving neck. He said something like "Calm down buddy we just wanted you to have fun on the ride home". I asked him what she had taken but he claimed he didn't know which was utter bullshit. I just wanted the nightmare to end so I went out to her balcony and just passed out and slept there all night. The next couple of weeks were pretty uneventful. TayTay knew I was mad as hell and steered clear of me and wouldn't work on the same shifts as I did. Viper started to get more and more obsessed with me AND with Scientology and I knew the two of them were still getting together to talk about that horseshit. It was time for me to get the hell out of there.
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Jan 11, 2020 07:25
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d0s posted:I thought they didn't reveal the xenu stuff until you had spent decades of your life and tens of thousands of dollars on scientology courses and that dianetics was just a kinda weird self-help book used to lure people in. were these people actually going to scientology meetings and fully involved with it? This all happened 25 years ago so I might be hazy on what exactly Viper and TayTay talked about but I'm certain they specifically mentioned Xenu because of events that would come later. I know that the Xenu stuff had been leaked, at least in part, as far back as the mid to late 1980s. The Dianetics book was just one of the pieces of Church literature TayTay had but it was the only one I was familiar with at the time. He was definitely into the whole thing beyond just that novel. He had people he was in contact with who were already in the Scientology Church proper because he mentioned wanting one of them to set himself and Viper up for an audit. She ultimately did, which will lead us into the final chapter. I'd like to do something different with the pictures in chapter 3. I have a rough idea but I'm not sure how to actually compose it. If anyone reading has animation or graphic experience and wants to help, please PM me. Also my wife (she knows about all of my adventures from back in the day) had a great suggestion- if anyone wants to remake each picture into something more realistic or just better, let me know and I might add them in a spoiler link next to my original, uh, "art". isaboo fucked around with this message at 20:59 on Jan 11, 2020 |
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Jan 11, 2020 20:57
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(sorry in advance for the terrible dialogue coming. It's the best approximation of what was said according to my aging and overly concussed brain) Chapter 3 Part 1: A rap God and Xenu's baby Things returned to "normal" for a while. TayTay wasn't coming around as much, as far as I knew Viper wasn't reading any Scientology literature, and she was actually being pretty sweet to me. She was still loony but not as manic or off-kilter as she had been recently. In fact she started talking about having a future together, wanting to have a baby someday, and dropping hints that she wanted a commitment from me. In my mind I was screaming "gently caress NO" but with her I just said it is something we would have to talk about more. I just didn't want to set off the crazy. Then I started to get suspcious that something was secretly being planned or talked about between Viper and TayTay while at work. They would pass each other and talk for a short time in hushed tones making furtive glances around to see who was listening. I didn't know if it was now something sexual between them but if so that would have really surprised me. One thing that Viper was not, was someone to sleep with other people while she was banging someone on the regular. Not once did I ever feel like she was (until now, sort of) and to my knowledge she never did. I'm almost certain word would have gotten back to me if she was guilty. Her increased persistence in talking about a future together and her behavior had me on edge so I went to visit my family for a long weekend. Everything Viper said and did before I left seemed like her regular behavior. When I got back, I found a letter that said something like this: Dear Beets, I know I've been pressuring you a lot lately and I'm glad you are taking some time. I'm going to take some time too. I'm going to California to get a full audit so I can be better for you better for US I want to be the vessel for a new Xenu and maybe I can find that there too. and I want us to be a happy family. Wouldn't that be great!! Baby, mommy and daddy together! Body thetan free! I'll be back in a few weeks I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE US TOGETHER! Michelle  "Well gently caress. That's not good. Not good at all", I thought. She had clearly snapped, most likely with the help of TayTay and was going straight to crazytown. It was obvious I had to get out of there but I wasn't sure where to go. I figured I had a little bit of time to make plans and could continue to stay at her place in the meantime. About 3 months went by, and I hadn't heard a word from her. TayTay said he didn't know anything but there was no way he'd tell me anything anyway. TayTay then started showing up at her place talking about moving in and there was no loving way I was going to deal with that. I moved into an extended stay motel and lived there for another 3 months before I decided to leave The Paradise Lounge and the town for good. So, after a total of 6 months of being Viper free I told everyone at The 'Dise that I was leaving, put in my 2 weeks notice and finally had a smile on my face. I worked my last Friday night shift and made plans with some of the girls and a couple of DJs to have dinner and drinks on Saturday before I left for good on Monday. Saturday night we met at the lounge, piled into someone's car and off we went to a nearby restaurant. A few hours went by and it was time to head back to The 'Dise for one last time. At this point it was around 2:30am, right around the time the weekend card games started. We went inside and were just standing around when one of the working girls came up to me and said "Hey Beets, Viper was just here and she went looking for you." "Uh, what?" I replied. "She heard you were leaving town and came back." "gently caress. Fuckfuckfuckfuuuuuuuuuuuck" is all I could say. "Yea if she sees you're not at the restaurant she'll probably come back here" A few moments later the front door opened and my heart jumped as I expected to see a psychopath with a head full of crazy snakes wielding an axe or something. Instead, three black gentlemen walked in and then a fourth emerged from behind and stood in front of them. My jaw hit the loving floor. Everyone's jaw hit the floor.  Tupac Shakur. 2pac was in the motherfucking Paradise Lounge. The owner Carl was there for the card game and he immediately and excitedly ran over to Tupac, saying "Mr Pac...err... Mr SHOCKyurr"... just absolutely butchering the man's name. The group of us just stood there mouths wide open in disbelief watching and wondering what the hell was going on. Suddenly Tupac and Carl started laughing and Carl wandered off which seemed really weird given the situation. I've been a fan of Tupac from the first time I heard his music so this was a big deal to me and to everyone else around. I walked over to Pac and his entourage and said "holy poo poo, are you Tupac?! For real!" "Motherfucka I fuckin look like Tupac dont I?" "I love your music!!" I said "You betta" he replied In a totally different voice he said "Man I'm just playin' with ya. My name's Darrell I'm a performer these are my dancers we were playing a benefit show in town. But you can call me ThreePac." I hadn't laughed so hard in a loooong goddamn time. He went on to say that came for the card games they had heard about. It was uncanny how much this guy looked and sounded like Tupac. If I hadn't come to know better I would have testified to anyone that I had definitely seen Tupac Shakur there that night. I talked to 3pac for a few minutes until we all heard tires screeching and a loud crash outside in the back parking lot. TayTay and a couple of others went out the back while I went out a side door with 3pac and his crew. There we saw Viper's car had ran into a few trash cans and was next to my car. She stepped out and TayTay was the first to greet her as her back was to us. My jaw dropped once again when I saw her in full view. 
isaboo fucked around with this message at 03:12 on Jan 13, 2020 |
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Jan 12, 2020 22:33
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Chapter 3 Part 2: The Crippling There was Viper. With a shaved head and a big fat belly. I thought to myself "Oh my god, she did it. She loving went to Cali and got herself knocked up by a loving cult member." I just knew that in HER mind, it was Xenu's baby. She was the vessell she wanted to be. Jesus. loving. Christ. She was talking to TayTay, his hands on her shoulders and their foreheads touching. It looked like they, at least, were having a sweet reunion. Then came something no one expected. She lifted her dress to reveal some sort of fat pack or pillow or padding and said something else to TayTay. 3pac turned to me and said "That ain't no baby that's a pillow, YO. gently caress that bitch is crazy". Everyone around us started laughing which drew her attention. I yelled "WHAT THE gently caress MICHELLE?!?! What in the hell are you doing you psycho?!" When she saw me her expression changed and she yelled "IT IS A SPRITUAL PREGNANCY! XENU IS IN ME! THIS MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A MOTHER AREN'T YOU GLAD TO SEE ME?" I said something like "Leave me the gently caress out of this GO BE WITH TAYTAY YOU DESERVE EACH OTHER I DONT WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU" TayTay suddenly got a look of abject fear and horror on his face. It was apparent he came to a realization that he needed to bail and wanted nothing to do with this either. He backed up, threw his hands in the air turned and walked away. Everyone else was gasping and laughing nervously and that's when she went apeshit. She was on some kind of drugs, keyed up and now with her being the center of attention in a way that embarrassed her she went into a blind rage. She picked up the nearest thing she could swing, a piece of rebar, and headed towards my car. She smashed the driver's side headlight, the side mirror and the driver's window. I started to run toward her and got only a couple of steps when the back door of the lounge opened and out stumbled Crazy Leo. Seeing the scene before him Crazy Leo was just beside himself. There was his "niece" Michelle, with shaved head, apparently pregnant, and smashing a goddamn car. I don't know what was going through his head but he started yelling "STELLA! STELLA! STELLAAAaaaAAAAaa!" and sort of stumbled into Viper. She suddenly realized who it was, and it weirdly snapped her into a moment of calm. Crazy Leo was sobbing and saying "Why....Why...Whyyyyy Stella" while she hugged him for a few seconds and showed him that she wasn't actually pregnant. I recognized this as a moment of opportunity and raced forward to my car, opened the driver's side door, jumped in and tried to get my keys into the ignition. I just wanted to get the hell out of there. Viper saw what was happening and tried to get away from Leo while I started the engine. As Leo tried to grab her again she moved to confront me while raising the rebar to take a swing but lost her balance and as I was trying to back the car up I fumbled and put the car into drive. It sputtered and lurched forward, trapping her right foot and lower leg between the car, the horizontal concrete curb of the parking space and one of two cement posts that were positioned in front of the curb. Down she went and the car continued to jump forward up and over the curb until I hit the brake and killed the engine. Anyone close enough heard a terrible snapping crunching tearing sound of flesh and bone and metal. She screamed and passed out. A couple of people were trying not to vomit.  That's the best way I can describe it as it happened so fast. It wasn't terribly bloody, but her leg was pretty obviously hosed up. Someone called 911 and both the police and the fire department responded. The fire department folks got her free of the twisted metal and took her to the hospital while we all gave a statement to the cops. I got in my car, determined to leave once and for all. The last thing I heard was a voice from behind the car and as I turned around to look I heard In a perfect Tupac voice  "Ayy man! Yo! You got a banana in ya tailpipe!" Laughing and not wanting to believe it but knowing it to be true I got out and looked and yep... there was a loving banana and a rag stuck in the tail pipe. I yanked them out, got back into the car and drove away putting all that poo poo into my rearview mirror for good. I later learned just how bad the accident hosed up her leg and ankle. I think it was a spiral fracture in her leg and her ankle was basically crushed. She never danced again. And that's the story of how I crippled a Scientologist stripper.
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Jan 13, 2020 03:19
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I might have a picture of Viper somewhere but it would take me forever to figure out where it might be. I'll give it a shot though and post it if I find it. Epilogue Whatever happened to our cast of characters? Well.... As for Crazy Leo, I finally found out who Stella was. Leo got married to his highschool sweetheart Stella when he was around 19 or 20 right before he headed off to the Korean War. She died while he was away and it just wrecked the poor guy. Michelle reminded him of her and he just latched on to Viper while he drank himself crazy. He died sometime in the early 2000s. TayTay disappeared completely almost immediately after all of the drama and no one that I stayed in touch with had any idea where he might have gone. He's probably in a shack somewhere eating squirrels and making clothes out of their pelts. Or maybe he's a big player in the Scientology cult. I never saw or heard from Viper again. Apparently she continued to work in bars but only as a bartender or waitress. After that the story I was told is that she eventually found herself in federal prison for fraud or something similar. I'm pretty sure she's out by now but I have no clue where she might be. As for me, Beets, I bounced (ha!) around from city to city working in music venues and clubs. I eventually made my way out to California and began working in Executive Protection / Bodyguarding and met a lot of interesting people. But those stories are for another thread.
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Jan 13, 2020 03:59
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precision posted:I just wanna know why he called her Stella Epilogue Whatever happened to our cast of characters? Well.... As for Crazy Leo, I finally found out who Stella was. Leo got married to his highschool sweetheart Stella when he was around 19 or 20 right before he headed off to the Korean War. She died while he was away and it just wrecked the poor guy. Michelle reminded him of her and he just latched on to Viper while he drank himself crazy. He died sometime in the early 2000s. TayTay disappeared completely almost immediately after all of the drama and no one that I stayed in touch with had any idea where he might have gone. He's probably in a shack somewhere eating squirrels and making clothes out of their pelts. Or maybe he's a big player in the Scientology cult. I never saw or heard from Viper again. Apparently she continued to work in bars but only as a bartender or waitress. After that the story I was told is that she eventually found herself in federal prison for fraud or something similar. I'm pretty sure she's out by now but I have no clue where she might be. As for me, Beets, I bounced (ha!) around from city to city working in music venues and clubs. I eventually made my way out to California and began working in Executive Protection / Bodyguarding and met a lot of interesting people. But those stories are for another thread. DeadFatDuckFat posted:Jesus loving christ Yeah. I didn't know if I had hit ran over her torso or head. Alan Smithee posted:drat she couldn't even get the tenets of scientology right Or maybe she did know and wanted to birth an evil god. I honestly never looked into it that much. I just knew Xenu was figured prominently in the cult and was some kind of galactic emperor that blew up a volcano tens of millions of years ago blah blah blah isaboo fucked around with this message at 08:23 on Jan 13, 2020 |
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Jan 13, 2020 08:17
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e: goddammit hosed up a quote
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Jan 13, 2020 08:22
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Rabite posted:I like that the boobs are above the arms This has been said a couple of times and all I will say is this There are some bad titty enhancement doctors out there Working in strip clubs I've seen all kinds of botched boob jobs.. one nipple looking off into space while the other was straight on, one titty higher than the other, etc. The dominant body side plays a part too I think. A porn star I was tangled up with for a while told me the reason her left titty was firmer and out of place compared to her right bazonga was because she was left handed. Viper's tits were great. I obviously can't draw worth a poo poo and I'm too lazy to fix the pictures
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Jan 13, 2020 09:28
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The cops weren't too concerned with me being at fault. There were at least 6 or 7 witnesses that all saw the same thing; she was the aggressor, she had a weapon, and she had already done damage to my property. Viper wasn't exactly unknown by the police. I know she had gotten one DUI the time we were together, and some time before we met she was charged with damage to property for a tire slashing incident. Everyone in town that hung out in or had contact with our circle of strippers and drunks and general craziness knew who she was, including cops. Also she was pretty noticeably high on something. I'm sure any sort of toxic substance screen would have just shown more evidence that she was not of right mind when it all went down. I explained that I was literally on my way out of town because of her when it all happened and I gave them my parents' contact information in case they needed to reach me. I never heard from them and nothing insurance related ever came up.
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Jan 14, 2020 02:13
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Thanks everyone for the kind comments and questions. I generally only post in the sardine thread and in TVIV so this was a step out of bounds for me but it was fun sharing the story with you. I have more tales to tell I just have to think how I want to tell them. A couple people mentioned that ridiculous threads like this one is why they joined and it's the same reason I joined SA forever ago. The GBS mods have asked for more new threads and I know there are people here that have led more interesting lives than I have so those people need to speak up. The bar is obviously pretty low if my terrible awkward writing style and bad art skills can produce a fun thread so don't be afraid. Even if it isn't wacky or nutty like this one, everyone has a story to tell. Go hog wild, write a bunch of words on the internet and 
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Jan 15, 2020 05:11
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Jan 17, 2020 10:08
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