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kimbo305 posted:Is it a flag that the therapist went with the love languages angle? Other than my personal grudge against the author and his church? Nah it's a fine starting point.
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May 29, 2021 19:46
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I love the Arctic porn post. Follow your heart, lady!
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May 29, 2021 19:46
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People like dunking on Love Languages because "acts of service" and "physical touch" sounds like saying "I like blowjobs"
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May 29, 2021 19:49
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packetmantis posted:I love the Arctic porn post. Follow your heart, lady! I went out for a walk and couldn't stop thinking about that dude and his poor GF. I'm almost 99% sure the tv show she likes is The Terror. I haven't seen it, but I'm p sure those dudes weren't so much exploring the arctic as they were trapped there and being hunted by a supernatural creature. The arctic serves as a setting for the story, which is about the characters. Also guaranteed the GF is writing slashfic which is why she didn't want to show him. I don't blame her, given his reaction to her trying to share her homoerotic period horror fiction TV show is 'duhhh she likes arctic explorers now'. Ofc this is all dependant on The Terror being the show in question. Maybe there's a reality TV show about arctic explorers. Maybe she likes that episode of Top Gear where they drove to the north pole.
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May 29, 2021 19:54
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AITA because I want the photos from a professional nude photo shoot my grandmother did before she died? quote:My grandma was not like other grandma's. She was a relentlessly unique individual. She was beautiful, confident, and creative.
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May 29, 2021 19:59
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Ches Neckbeard posted:Other than my personal grudge against the author and his church? Nah it's a fine starting point. Sisal Two-Step posted:Maybe she likes that episode of Top Gear where they drove to the north pole. Is it May/Hammond or May/Clarkson? Couldn't be... Hammie/Clarkson could it?
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May 29, 2021 20:04
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Sisal Two-Step posted:I went out for a walk and couldn't stop thinking about that dude and his poor GF. I'm almost 99% sure the tv show she likes is The Terror. I haven't seen it, but I'm p sure those dudes weren't so much exploring the arctic as they were trapped there and being hunted by a supernatural creature. The arctic serves as a setting for the story, which is about the characters. I'm taking the comedy option and have convinced myself it's The Thing.
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May 29, 2021 20:07
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA because I want the photos from a professional nude photo shoot my grandmother did before she died? This grandma is cool and it's a shame her family is a bunch of squares
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May 29, 2021 20:08
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FoolyCharged posted:I'm taking the comedy option and have convinced myself it's The Thing. A Cronenberg fetish is a new one but whatever makes her happy. Someone should link her the Colorring Book Porn thread.
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May 29, 2021 20:11
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betaraywil posted:I think my girlfriend has been trying to get my fired from all my jobs. I'm shaken. Please help me. 
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May 29, 2021 20:16
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L’histoire du du ru ru de
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May 29, 2021 20:23
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FoolyCharged posted:I'm taking the comedy option and have convinced myself it's The Thing. The Thing is Antarctic 
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May 29, 2021 20:24
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Sisal Two-Step posted:I went out for a walk and couldn't stop thinking about that dude and his poor GF. I'm almost 99% sure the tv show she likes is The Terror. I haven't seen it, but I'm p sure those dudes weren't so much exploring the arctic as they were trapped there and being hunted by a supernatural creature. The arctic serves as a setting for the story, which is about the characters. I really want it to be Gold Rush or something
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May 29, 2021 20:27
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oh jay posted:People like dunking on Love Languages because "acts of service" and "physical touch" sounds like saying "I like blowjobs" that too. really, the idea that you can only appreciate someone's acts and gestures if its done in the 1 of 5 defined ways to communicate love is about as new-age dumb as it can get. If anything it seems like cover to give people excuses to poo poo on their partner for not just changing their personality and mannerisms to suit them. It's never really talked about in a sense of compromise, but just "my love language is X, there's is Y, how do I get them to do X instead?" I don't really get it at all. So if a "physical gifts" person marries a "words of love" person, do they just never comprehend how the other person feels about them? Like saying that kind words and praises are meaningless if you don't then surprise them with presents because physical tokens are the only affection they accept?
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May 29, 2021 20:33
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Naw man, if someone is treating it like "this is my love language so give me these things" is someone who is already so selfish and unwilling to do anything for their partner and probably shouldn't be in one. Any framework can be abused by some turd in a relationship willing and determined to be turdy. The idea of sorting out one another's love languages should be learning about each other and how to better communicate and express feelings toward one another. It's shouldn't just be "oh now I got a list of stuff to do to tell em I love em," you should, like, be wanting to make them feel loved and see this love-language framework as a tool to understand your partner and express better. It's helpful for someone who doesn't get why their partner feels unloved, but they genuinely do love their partner and AREN'T one of these just core-rotten dweebs who just wants to make withdrawals from their partner. It's also meant to be a two-way street, not just "get me present bc that's my language or else I don't believe your love" -- it should also be a moment of "ohhhh they do love me, they just previously expressed it in a way I wasn't registering or seeing the intention behind the same way." That therapist sounds like they gave it as a "throw your hands up, gotta give em kind of homework" situation. Clearly these people do not belong together and homeboy ain't looking to change or do anything less than what he wants at all times. Fine, so be it, but I don't think relationship counsellors get to just say that after first session, just "hey, for real, divorce right now, I have the papers"
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May 29, 2021 20:41
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pentyne posted:that too. The idea was more a way to help people recognize that when your partner spends hours making you a really nice meal they're trying to express themselves and do something nice, even if they don't call you sweetie-schnookums the way you're used to your mom doing. That internet dumdums have collectively interpreted it as being a list of demands or a Harry Potter house or whatever has more to do with their own level of self-absorption than the merits of the original concept
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May 29, 2021 20:43
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I'm a gigantic weirdo, but I've always understood that if a person you love values *something,* them you should do the best to express your affection via something they like. So if birthday cards matter to them, give em a nice card. Same for flowers, or hugs or what thefuckingever. I do not get people who say "cards are a fake way of expressing affection so I ignore the standard holidays even though doing so makes my SO sad" They matter to the person you claim to LOVE! so do a little thing to make them happy, even if it wouldn't mean anything to you!
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May 29, 2021 20:46
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pentyne posted:that too. The idea is more that if there is discord in the couple that each of you individually interrogate how you best like to receive and give love, then come together and compare and contrast, then communicate to one another ways to better meet in the middle. If I’m very physically affectionate and am dating someone that is more stoic but does not object to physical affection, they can be cognizant of that and provide more or perhaps just more when I am feeling otherwise down or vulnerable. In the same turn, if my partner was really into acts of service or verbal affirmations, I’d be cognizant of that and express more love verbally or write a note and put it in their lunchbox or something, or if they were having a rough day I’d draw them a bath and and a glass of wine and tell them to go hog wild while I make dinner and don’t worry about the dishes babe, I got them tonight. The dude that pimps it is an evangelical piece of poo poo but the concept makes sense - it’s just more nuanced than the goon perception of it and is also meant to be one of many tools you and your partner put into your communications toolbox, not the entirety of the tool chest. E:: the two posters above me are also correct and touched on aspects I didn’t. Good work goons.
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May 29, 2021 20:51
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Imagine having just, zero comprehension of the idea that you can be drawn to the relationship between two fictional characters without actively wanting one or both of those characters to rail you personally. Offering to pretend you're one of those guys and being confused by the lack of interest. Reading a sex scene focused on realism and characterization and being disgusted that it doesn't get you hard, because it's not written as a wish-fulfillment fantasy. I love it.
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May 29, 2021 20:54
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It's also something I've been asked a few times early on in relationships, idk seems natural when you go through a falling-in-love phase to get all excited to learn about your partner and do some cute poo poo to make them feel good or loved or whatever. Seems like times when I'm trying to rationalize not doing stuff with or for my partner because "holidays are a scam" or w/e is either b/c depressed and shouldn't be with anybody at that time or no longer really love or care about that person the same way and should not be with them anymore. People itt clearly don't watch enough Prairie, there's an episode where Mr. Edwards is excited to get his new son a rifle so they can go on a trip together, he splurges to buy the kid this rifle nicer than anything he's ever owned himself. Now Mr. Edwards isn't the fastest at picking up subtle social cues but he's got an empathetic heart and while he's a lil' butthurt at first that kiddo is plainly Not Excited about the gun as a present -- he is butthurt because he had seen this gift as an expression of love and a vector through which they could bond father-to-son. Mr Edwards is a little slow to understand and is worried john jr just doesn't like him and still insists he go. When John Jr writes him a letter, expressing his poet's soul and clearly outlining why exactly he doesn't want to hunt or kill any animals, it is only because of shame of his unknown-to-johnjr illiteracy. Even though Johnjr wasn't able to fire a shot to scare off the bear attacking Mr Edwards, Mr Edwards still didn't hold it against the kid and was still interested in building a relationship, bonding, understanding one another despite their differences. Johnjr ends up reading the letter to Mr Edwards and in the end they both walk away with a better understanding of one another. Johnjr didn't have to kill anything and Mr Edwards didn't have to get all into Lord Byron or being able to read but they can still appreciate one another a lil better.
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May 29, 2021 21:14
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Khanstant posted:It's also something I've been asked a few times early on in relationships, idk seems natural when you go through a falling-in-love phase to get all excited to learn about your partner and do some cute poo poo to make them feel good or loved or whatever. Seems like times when I'm trying to rationalize not doing stuff with or for my partner because "holidays are a scam" or w/e is either b/c depressed and shouldn't be with anybody at that time or no longer really love or care about that person the same way and should not be with them anymore. But this is an illustration of exactly the problem being described: a person decided that their personal choices are correct and the person being given a gift being required to agree with them. Instead of the real world thing of observing what someone actually likes, and giving them something that recognizes their choices. I like olives. No-one not me is required to like olives. I cannot reasonably give other people olives as gifts when I know or suspect they do not like olives. I cannot get hurt when people refuse to eat my gift olives because the loving hate olives.
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May 29, 2021 21:24
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I think you're reading things into it beyond the very remedial level of "your partner is actually saying 'I love you' when they do X." That's it. That's the big lesson of love languages. Here's a possible reason you or your partner might feel underappreciated, even though your partner or you put a lot of effort into expressing love. If you're not totally self-absorbed, that is an avenue of communication for you and your partner to better understand one another. If your conclusion is "I tell people I love them by giving them olives so if you refuse to eat my olives that means you hate me" or "I only understand blowjobs so you must blow me daily or you don't really care about me" then communication is not the problem in the relationship. If you're at the level where you can interact with people and understand how to communicate your feelings based on their personality and interests, this is not useful for you to learn. You may as well scoff at elementary schoolchildren struggling with arithmetic when you yourself understand calculus. Zulily Zoetrope fucked around with this message at 21:46 on May 29, 2021 |
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May 29, 2021 21:37
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Everett False posted:Imagine having just, zero comprehension of the idea that you can be drawn to the relationship between two fictional characters without actively wanting one or both of those characters to rail you personally. Offering to pretend you're one of those guys and being confused by the lack of interest. Reading a sex scene focused on realism and characterization and being disgusted that it doesn't get you hard, because it's not written as a wish-fulfillment fantasy. I love it. When he was confused she liked one of the characters who wasn't even played by a 'hot' actor. Folks,
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May 29, 2021 21:44
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AITA for refusing to attend a wedding when my husband is not welcome there?quote:My (30f) friend (31f) is getting married in August. She invited me and my husband to the wedding already in October when she got engaged. I was asked to be her maid of honor.
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May 29, 2021 21:52
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Sisal Two-Step posted:When he was confused she liked one of the characters who wasn't even played by a 'hot' actor. Folks, Does this jibe with Terror?
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May 29, 2021 21:57
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betaraywil posted:I guess Memorial Day is what makes them turn out I just wish I could hear what her insane justification was.
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May 29, 2021 21:59
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AITA for tricking my girlfriend into eating authentic Turkish food? quote:My girlfriend and I are university students living in the US. She is from Turkey, and appropriately, she shares her home culture with me quite a bit. I had had no real concept of what Turkey was like before I met her, but I have been eager to learn.
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May 29, 2021 22:49
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A Wizard of Goatse posted:The idea was more a way to help people recognize that when your partner spends hours making you a really nice meal they're trying to express themselves and do something nice, even if they don't call you sweetie-schnookums the way you're used to your mom doing. That internet dumdums have collectively interpreted it as being a list of demands or a Harry Potter house or whatever has more to do with their own level of self-absorption than the merits of the original concept Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for tricking my girlfriend into eating authentic Turkish food?
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May 29, 2021 23:21
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for tricking my girlfriend into eating authentic Turkish food? No mention of actually eating the food at the restaurant. Maybe that's the problem? If he takes her to that the authentic restaurant and she still complains even when the food is hot and fresh then there is literally no way of pleasing her short of taking a vacation to Turkey.
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May 29, 2021 23:28
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I'm reminded of the Chinese people eat Panda Express video. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fo59LlkTDe4 But in my opinion, inauthentic regional cuisine is one of the coolest thing about about living in modern global society. Your ancestors have been cooking food with the same ingredients that could be sourced within a 10 mile radius. Now you can live a thousand miles away and try to use those same ideas and techniques with completely different ingredients. Or maybe discover that their regional dish is basically the same thing as what nana used to make, but with with different ingredients. Basically I am once again saying that gumbo is the same thing as curry.
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May 29, 2021 23:52
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oh jay posted:I'm reminded of the Chinese people eat Panda Express video. What I take from that video is The Children are douchebags about "food authenticity" or "ethnic" food being good no matter the culture.
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May 29, 2021 23:59
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oh jay posted:Basically I am once again saying that gumbo is the same thing as curry. The original sriracha take was that chili is the same as curry.
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May 30, 2021 00:05
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Quackles posted:The original sriracha take was that chili is the same as curry. oh jay posted:I have given up on food purity and now pick fights with people by telling them that curry and gumbo are the same thing. Friend, I know exactly what I said to start that derail. Yes, the AITA post was about chili; I just wasn't brave enough to equate chili directly to curry, even though that is true as well.
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May 30, 2021 00:16
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Ches Neckbeard posted:What I take from that video is The Children are douchebags about "food authenticity" or "ethnic" food being good no matter the culture. they have a similar video with italian garndparents and food from the olive garden - the people actually from italy are like 'hey, not bad! i'd eat this' while the "italians" from new jersey fall over themselves to scream about how DISGUSTING and INAUTHENTIC the food is
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May 30, 2021 00:16
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Quackles posted:The original sriracha take was that chili is the same as curry. My man, have you tried Cincinnati Curry?
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May 30, 2021 00:19
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Zulily Zoetrope posted:I've always mentally subbed sitcom romances when I see the term "romcom poisoning." That is a genre where most relationships arise from one party grossly bowling over the boundary of another, only to win them over with a grand gesture in the end. It didn't even occur to me that it might refer to actual romcoms because in my mind that is the Julia Roberts genre.  I've seen plenty of people explicitly reference Friends when talking about romcom poisoning (and have probably done the same myself at some point)
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May 30, 2021 00:22
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limp_cheese posted:No mention of actually eating the food at the restaurant. Maybe that's the problem? If he takes her to that the authentic restaurant and she still complains even when the food is hot and fresh then there is literally no way of pleasing her short of taking a vacation to Turkey. There's a New Mexican place near me (at least there was pre-pandemic) that has all the decor I'd expect. Hanging chile clusters, Catholic icons, et cetera. There could be ground glass in the sopapillas and I wouldn't notice because I'm too caught up in feeling like I'm back home.
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May 30, 2021 00:28
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Chili may not be technically the exact same thing but you add beans to a curry and you have a chili so it seems like kinda splitting hairs
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May 30, 2021 00:29
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Owlspiracy posted:they have a similar video with italian garndparents and food from the olive garden - the people actually from italy are like 'hey, not bad! i'd eat this' while the "italians" from new jersey fall over themselves to scream about how DISGUSTING and INAUTHENTIC the food is I mean you have a lot of let’s be real white people that do that here.
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May 30, 2021 00:44
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Do other countries give away credit for so much of their national cuisines? Hell, there are a bunch of international cuisines that wouldn't be what they are without distinctly Americas ingredients. Americas claim tomatoes,, peppers, potatoes, corn, squash, avocados, like all of the best veggies. The rest of the world wasn't bring nearly as much to the for-some-reason-two continents as they were getting out of it, that's for sure. Struggling to even think of a top-tier vegetable that americas didn't have somewhere before non-americanses started beating the place up. Even then I bet we woulda got it eventually from the ocean or some bird poo poo. Point is Chocolate, Lasagna, Spaghetti, Pizza, Hamburger, basically all the kinds of fried meat covered in sauce and spices, Fajitas, Tacos, Salsa, too many to list, that's americas food Panda Express is american, founded by folks not-born in americas wanting to make money from the americas' stuff and people inside of americal mall food courts doing americish things like frying things in big vats of fatty oil with breading and sugary sauces - made from some of our continental superstar crops: corn and sugarcane. I propose the americas unite and overreach to take even more credit for all sorts of things 
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May 30, 2021 01:08
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