r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

Rondette: Nov 4, 2009; Your friendly neighbourhood Postie.; Grimey Drawer

I'll never forget a colleague I worked with who was incredibly sexual and would come in each monday with tales of her latest experiences, which were always insane. One time she told us about a boyfriend she had who was so big even she found it too much. He told her it was incredibly depressing because every woman he had sex with would just end up crying in pain and it just became too sad and stressful to enjoy sex.

Honestly guys, an abnormally large prick is not going to be much fun for you or anyone you have sex with.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 08:45

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 10:18

Rat: Dec 12, 2006; meow

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Teens looking at that are definitely going to laugh at poor Clarence. Also why do none of the erect penises have foreskin?

They're erect and yeah that's how they look with foreskin

# ? Aug 8, 2020 09:21

Funky See Funky Do: Aug 20, 2013; STILL TRYING HARD

A fool tries to match the dicks up. The trick is to match the pubic hair.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 09:24

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Teens looking at that are definitely going to laugh at poor Clarence. Also why do none of the erect penises have foreskin?

Im glad somebody is learning something about dicks today

# ? Aug 8, 2020 09:55

kru: Oct 5, 2003

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Teens looking at that are definitely going to laugh at poor Clarence. Also why do none of the erect penises have foreskin?

Oh come on :*(

# ? Aug 8, 2020 09:59

Quantum of Phallus: Dec 27, 2010

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Teens looking at that are definitely going to laugh at poor Clarence. Also why do none of the erect penises have foreskin?

Snitchin on yourself

# ? Aug 8, 2020 10:14

PancakeTransmission: May 27, 2007; You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...; Plaster Town Cop

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Teens looking at that are definitely going to laugh at poor Clarence. Also why do none of the erect penises have foreskin?

Lol

# ? Aug 8, 2020 10:21

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

all hail this thread's new idiot king

long live teen witch

My [28M] son [almost 1M] and I have birthdays close together. My wife [29F] and family want to combine our birthdays, but they have completely forgotten me in the process.

quote:

My son and I have birthdays coming up in two weeks within days of each other. My wife and family are planning a joint celebration for us, which makes sense given how our birthdays are within 4 days of each other, but so far the birthday party is completely one sided.

I don't have a problem with sharing the spotlight with my son so long as my family doesn't forget me completely in the process, but that seems like what is going to be happening. None of my friends, other than those who are part of couples we hang out with, have been invited, despite me giving my wife and mother a list of people I'd like to invite. I was told that this was because the venue my wife and mother selected is not large enough to accommodate everyone, so they had to make decisions about who to invite.

I also made several other requests, each of which has also been denied/rejected. One was for there to be alcohol. That got shot down because it "wouldn't be appropriate at a kid's birthday party." I didn't request an open bar or anything excessive; I just wanted some beer. I also requested that we not do the thing where the kid makes a mess with cake and that the overall theme be generic instead of kid-centered. Nope. Both of those ideas were rejected by my wife and mother, especially the cake thing. How could you ever possibly have a birthday party for a one-year-old without those things, they said?

I'm not one of those people that feels like having a birthday makes me king and everybody has to do what I want, but I do like to have my birthday acknowledged, and I feel like I've been completely forgotten in all of the preparations as of right now. I understand that having a child requires compromise and self-sacrifice, but I don't feel like I'm demanding anything outrageous. I have tried to explain this to my wife, but she just doesn't understand and has told me I'm being selfish. I think part of it is because this party is more for her sake than anyone's, so it has to meet her own expectations.

Am I being selfish? I don't think its wrong of me to want some acknowledgement from my family. After all, my son wouldn't even be here if it weren't partly due to me. I might let this go if not for me feeling that this will set a precedent and every year my birthday will be forgotten. I guess I'm just lucky he wasn't born on my birthday. That really would have been bad.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 10:37

Runa: Feb 13, 2011

Dad's going to have to celebrate his own birthday later. With blackjack! But maybe not hookers. Mom probably wouldn't appreciate that.

Or he could grow up and accept that his world has changed.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 10:45

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Barudak posted:

Im glad somebody is learning something about dicks today

thread title?

# ? Aug 8, 2020 10:52

Inspector Gesicht: Oct 26, 2012; 500 Zeus a body.

I'm almost 29 and I feel so loving old when I see younger dudes who are married with children. I also share a birthday with a niece, but she can have it since I don't care, so that's one point in my favour over this clueless Berk.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 11:11

kru: Oct 5, 2003

Xarbala posted:

Dad's going to have to celebrate his own birthday later. With blackjack! But maybe not hookers. Mom probably wouldn't appreciate that.

Or he could grow up and accept that his world has changed.

Or he could have a few beers and his friends there for him on his birthday after having a crazy year, what with a new kid and all

# ? Aug 8, 2020 11:25

Walton Simons: May 16, 2010; ELECTRONIC OLD MEN RUNNING THE WORLD

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for "humiliating" my daughter to apologize for something she doesn't believe in?

Hahaha oh my, I was an unbearable atheist logician as a teen but this is amazing. I really hope she looks back on this and cringes one day. I bet her parent's geniune worry about being cursed winds her up bit by bit every time it's brought up.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 11:28

Khizan: Jul 30, 2013

Just have the party be entirely for the kid and plan a birthday dinner with friends for that weekend. Let grandma watch the kid for an evening and socialize without worrying about bedtimes. Maybe let the kid have a sleepover at her house and sleep in the next morning. That's what grandparents are for, imo.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 11:30

reignonyourparade: Nov 15, 2012

Guy should just have a small get together with his friends this year and also follow up with "you know actually, the kid will absolutely hate having to share his birthday with his dad, better to keep them separate."

# ? Aug 8, 2020 11:30

Sillybones: Aug 10, 2013; go away,
spooky skeleton,
go away

Peaceful Anarchy posted:

Teens looking at that are definitely going to laugh at poor Clarence. Also why do none of the erect penises have foreskin?

He's got a point, though. For a page about 'look at all the weird ways dicks can appear' it seems it is missing circumcised and with-foreskin-erect.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 11:33

Cloacamazing!: Apr 18, 2018; Too cute to be evil

He says the birthdays are within four days of each other though. There is absolutely no reason why the birthdays have to be merged in the first place.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 12:46

Cyks: Mar 17, 2008; The trenches of IT can scar a muppet for life

it's because they were inspired about the story not long ago about the facepalming 13M and 7F who had the same issue

Who doesn't allow beer for the parents at a kids party though. Even Chuck E. Cheese does that.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 12:50

Switchback: Jul 23, 2001

Sillybones posted:

He's got a point, though. For a page about 'look at all the weird ways dicks can appear' it seems it is missing circumcised and with-foreskin-erect.

Lol

NWS it�s dicks

E: here�s more dicks from the book, this is how to create reasonable dick expectations. There are also pages of various illustrated vaginas so people don�t expect they should be a hairless Homer Simpson mouths. Seriously it�s a great book.

Switchback fucked around with this message at 13:06 on Aug 8, 2020

# ? Aug 8, 2020 12:58

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

Sillybones posted:

He's got a point, though. For a page about 'look at all the weird ways dicks can appear' it seems it is missing circumcised and with-foreskin-erect.

Wasn't the latest series of goons outing their lack of knowledge being people who don't know what erect penises look like.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 12:59

Sillybones: Aug 10, 2013; go away,
spooky skeleton,
go away

Switchback posted:

Lol

NWS it�s dicks

You realise that circumcised penises exist and they have no foreskin (it looks like C when not erect). And other people have foreskin still covering the head of the penis even when erect (it looks like B when erect).

Otherwise I don't get your joke or what ever.

Edit: you edited. i still don't get what you were getting at

Also if your dick bends so extreme as that, especially downward, you may have a nasty scarring condition and should see a doctor.

Sillybones fucked around with this message at 13:13 on Aug 8, 2020

# ? Aug 8, 2020 13:02

Switchback: Jul 23, 2001

Sillybones posted:

You realise that circumcised penises exist and they have no foreskin (it looks like C when not erect). And other people have foreskin still covering the head of the penis even when erect (it looks like B when erect).

Otherwise I don't get your joke or what ever.

See my edit, dicks come in a huge variety of shapes and sizes that are all fine and yes sometimes the foreskin stays over the head a bit, I only posted one page but others show more circumcised dongs. Typically though the foreskin pulls back from the head during an erection.

Lotta people in America have never seen an uncircumsized dick so I think this book is trying to normalise them on that page.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 13:10

Barudak: May 7, 2007

<me, forced to read "The Joy of Sex" at the age of 10> Take a bath you loving hippies

# ? Aug 8, 2020 14:36

The Klowner: Apr 20, 2019; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

post the vaginas

for... for research purposes

# ? Aug 8, 2020 14:38

iustorum_anime: Apr 4, 2016

I overheard my(28M) GF(26F) say that her ex was the best she ever had

quote:

I heard my girlfriend of 3 years talking about how much better her ex was too her friends. She went a Group FaceTime with all of her girlfriends and got drunk out of her mind. She was sitting with her laptop about 5 feet away from our bed at her desk. She thought I was asleep, even if I was she said this with me literally 5 feet away from me. We had slept together and I thought I made her orgasm. After she was done I went to sleep I woke up 3 hours later, and to her laughing. She sounded very drunk. I wasn�t I tried to not just go back to sleep. Before I could I overheard her and her girlfriends talking about sex. She said sex was okay and sometimes she just faked it and let me get mine. I was hurt. Then they started talking about their best sexual experiences. She said her ex, gave her the most intense orgasms she ever experienced, she said she would orgasm so hard she would lose total control of her legs. His dick was apparently big enough to the point where she felt completely filled, and hit her deep spots. Apparently 3 inches longer than mine. She said she missed being able to cum like that and, �He hosed her better than any man has�.

At that point I was near tears. I sat there for another trying not to cry so she wouldn�t hear me. She eventually hung up, when she got back in bed she noticed if I was awake, and asked me if I was up. I told her that I just felt the bed move and that woke me up. She then said she loved me and she would see me in the morning. This was about 2 and I stayed awake that night. I haven�t been able to sleep or eat or anything for the last 3 days. I don�t know what to do. I�ve been trying be better in bed for her since we first got together and 3 years of practice still can�t beat raw talent. I�ve never felt like less of a man. At this point I feel selfish for even staying with her when she is obviously so dissatisfied with me. Her ex cheated on her and he dumped her when she found out. She would�ve stayed with him. I feel like I�m nothing compared to his memory. We haven�t had sex in the last 3 days because I can barely even stomach the thought of trying to pleasure her. I don�t know what I can do at this point, I love her so much and I�ve been thinking about proposing to her, but I don�t know if I can anymore.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 14:46

kru: Oct 5, 2003

Ugh, poor guy.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 15:29

Pope Hilarius II: Nov 10, 2008

Barudak posted:

<me, forced to read "The Joy of Sex" at the age of 10> Take a bath you loving hippies

Similarly, I had to go through a German booklet called '169 Sensational Lessons of Love In Full Colour' that was about as erotic as an IKEA catalog full of dead-eyed people with 1970s haircuts.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 15:49

Switchback: Jul 23, 2001

The Klowner posted:

post the vaginas

for... for research purposes

Here�s an album of a bunch of pages: https://imgur.com/a/R3mI5YQ NSFW OBVIOUSLY

My copy is from 2001 and it�s been updated several times since then, so if you see something that hasn�t aged well I�m sure it�s been changed in more recent editions.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 15:50

henkman: Oct 8, 2008

That book owns

# ? Aug 8, 2020 15:51

Pope Corky the IX: Dec 18, 2006; What are you looking at?

A vagina is like a flower in that if you put it on the piano it'll eventually keel over.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 15:58

LadyPictureShow: Nov 18, 2005; Success!

My 24F boyfriend 27M thinks bad moms is a feminist propaganda film??

quote:

Tl;dr my BF might be irrational beyond saving and idk where it's coming from.

We were watching the movie Bad Moms, and I thought it was okay, and pretty funny. Every 10 to 20 minutes I keep hearing little comments from him about how the husband of the main character is an insulting caricature of men, how the love interest is objectified by the women in the movie, and how the blonde woman (Kiki I think) is an abusive wife???

Idk how he got that last one at all, I mean, the rest is a stretch as is. But her being abusive?? She calls him a pussy once after he cant seem to manage taking care of his own children for an hour so she can go to a pta meeting.

He also said movies where all the men are super attractive and dont seem to get in trouble are adding to the reasons why men become incels and get angry at women??? He had literally just discovered what an icel was like five minutes before we watched that movie so maybe he just couldnt stop thinking about it?

He said the main character obviously didn't love her son. Idk why the son seemed catered to at the begining of the movie, he never did his own homework or anything, while the daughter was doing so much at school she was stressed out to the point of anxiety attacks.

He said the love interest would have been called a stalker and a creep if he wasnt attractive. He did nothing creepy the whole movie, it was just revealed he had a crush on the main character and asked around about her. Totally normal thing to do. I did it to BF before we got together and he did it to me. When I pointed that out he said, "Yeah I know but if he was unattractive it would be seen as creepy."

My BF was not attractive when we got together. His face was misshapen cause of an injury to his jaw and after getting surgery 6 months into our relationship he became attractive to everyone else. I had never noticed his jaw, or his underbite. He looked fine to me. Most of my bfs over the years have not been very handsome. I tend to fall in love with intelligence and skills, not faces. I'm also fairly certain I'm asexual but I havent told him that.

Weve been together for over 3 years, and we both lost our virginity to each other. He's been irrational about things more and more lately, this was just the most obvious time. He wasn't like this when we got together but he just got more and more political and right wing and it seems Been Shapiro, Joe Rogan, and the "change my mind" guy are all he watches. I just leave the room when he's watching them cause I don't like them. Not a political thing, they just seem like jerks and I value kindness above all in people.

We live together but I'm moving out on my own soon, for several reasons. His friend lives with us (was supposed to be temporary but it's been 2 years and he's still here and no matter what I say or how often I bring it up, BF shuts down all conversations about the roommate being asked to leave. So I'm leaving.) I want a cat and our current house doesnt allow it (renters). The new apartment does. He seems slightly off put by me wanting to move out because weve lived together most of our relationship but I honestly don't care. I'm tired of living with his annoying, loud friend who keeps bringing home sketchy women from the bar.

The whole situation is hosed up to me honestly and the more I type the more I realize how many issues there are.

What stops me from just ending the relationship is that he's actually a great BF. He tells me I'm beautiful every day. He's affectionate and loving. Whenever he goes out into town he grabs me a snack or a meal on his way back. He cleans, does laundry, and cooks for me without complaint. He supports me in my career and listens when I have a bad day or dont know what to do at work. I feel like I got really lucky and maybe I should just suck it up?

Is this an issue or am I being too picky and sensitive? What's going on with him??

# ? Aug 8, 2020 16:03

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

LadyPictureShow posted:

My 24F boyfriend 27M thinks bad moms is a feminist propaganda film??

Why don't I break up with this creepy-rear end misogynist warrior in training? Well he does chores and says the words "YOU PRETTY" when he sees me.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 16:14

Zulily Zoetrope: Jun 1, 2011; Muldoon

Literally A Person posted:

Why don't I break up with this creepy-rear end misogynist warrior in training? Well he does chores and says the words "YOU PRETTY" when he sees me.

From the sound of it, he used to be a genuinely decent boy and only recently started to self-radicalize. That seems like the one scenario where you might actually have a shot at deprogramming them.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 16:21

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

From the sound of it, he used to be a genuinely decent boy and only recently started to self-radicalize. That seems like the one scenario where you might actually have a shot at deprogramming them.

I don't know, once they get to that "seeing women's outrageous abuses" everywhere stage that seems like it until they're 40, look back at their lives and have an extremely hard think.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 16:25

CharlestheHammer: Jun 26, 2011; YOU SAY MY POSTS ARE THE RAVINGS OF THE DUMBEST PERSON ON GOD'S GREEN EARTH BUT YOU YOURSELF ARE READING THEM. CURIOUS!

I don�t know he is self radicalizing for some reason.

Unless she finds out why I can�t see what she can do

# ? Aug 8, 2020 16:26

feller: Jul 5, 2006

I Wonder if it has something to do with her moving out. That's a weird situation with the dude basically choosing his roommate over her anyway

# ? Aug 8, 2020 16:27

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

Am I [25f] doomed to be single forever since I do not want porn to be a part of my committed relationship?

quote:

First and foremost I have the upmost respect for (consensual) sex workers! I also have no judgements against people who enjoy NSFW subreddits and onlyfans, polyamorous folks, and people not interested in commitment only in casual relationships. I just personally am really interested in extreme monogamy, and was wondering whether I would ever find a male partner who wants that too or if I just need to accept that no such man exists so I better get used to the idea of never marrying.

After a recent breakup over the hidden solicitation of cam-girls by my former partner [25m], I am incredibly upset that women and men seem to view sexuality quite differently. I desperately want a male partner who thinks like I do, but based on everything I have been reading online that seems to be a stupid and foolish fantasy that will never ever exist, and I feel so upset and sad and angry that I either have to accept being with a man who seeks out visual imagery of other naked women or be single forever. While it�s nice to know that some other women out there think as monogamously as I do, unfortunately I am not sexually attracted to women at all. I feel that it is extremely unfair that men seem to be hardwired biologically to have high libidos and desire numerous women, while women seem to be hardwired biologically to only want one man forever.

Dearest Reddit, why is there no man out there that will be 100% sexually satisfied from me and me alone, when I can get that kind of satisfaction from being with just one man in every way?

When I am in a committed relationship, I genuinely and legitimately have zero desire to ever look at a different naked man in any way shape or form. So for the life of me I just cannot comprehend or understand why men I meet feel an intense pull or desire to look at other naked women when he claims he is truly happy in a committed monogamous relationship with one woman. I understand that masturbation and self pleasure is normal and healthy, but my understanding stops there. I do not get why a man who claims to be truly satisfied with his real life partner still has a desire every single week or month to watch female strangers touch themselves or have sex online. Sure, objectively it is better for a man to fulfill his sexual needs vicariously by watching porn instead of cheating on his faithful partner, but I still do not understand why one naked woman will never actually be enough for a man even though he claims she is enough as a real life sexual partner.

I can acknowledge that I find other men besides my partner to be subjectively attractive, but I truly have absolutely no desire to ever seek out or view naked men in a sexual nature even on the internet. So why do men need to look at naked women who are not their real life partners when masturbating? It seems so unfair. To me, pornography and erotica is about sex, not merely a form of entertainment comparable to watching a movie on Netflix. I do not understand how porn can be viewed as a form of entertainment completely unrelated to a person�s romantic relationship like how reading a book is. So it makes me very angry when I hear the claim that men should be allowed to watch porn and it shouldn�t bother me since I�m allowed to watch my own forms of entertainment like cat videos on youtube and it doesn�t bother them. It is not the same to me at all. Similarly, I hate the analogy that you would get sick and tired of eating the same meal all day every day, so why would I expect someone to not get sick and tired of viewing the same one women sexually? While it�s true that I would get tired of eating my favorite food every single day and eventually stop wanting it, I have never gotten tired of only viewing one man naked sexually for the duration of our 6+ year relationship.

It is incredibly disheartening to hear that a man must consume media of other women sexually to not get bored of me, as I personally have no problem with a sexual monopoly.

TL;DR: So tell me Reddit, am I doomed to be a single pringle forever because I do not want any other sexualized naked bodies to be a part of my or my man's life?

# ? Aug 8, 2020 16:54

PetraCore: Jul 20, 2017; 👁️🔥👁️👁️👁️BE NOT👄AFRAID👁️👁️👁️🔥👁️

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Am I [25f] doomed to be single forever since I do not want porn to be a part of my committed relationship?

Woof... well, first of all, I think OP needs to work on that biotruths thing. I don't think her idea of monogamy is the most common or easy to find, but I'm sure there's some men who'd think similarly.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 16:58

Dienes: Nov 4, 2009; dee
doot doot dee
doot doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot
doot doot dee
dee doot doot; College Slice

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Am I [25f] doomed to be single forever since I do not want porn to be a part of my committed relationship?

Probably?

# ? Aug 8, 2020 17:09

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# ? Apr 23, 2024 10:18

Kenshin: Jan 10, 2007

Smirking_Serpent posted:

Am I [25f] doomed to be single forever since I do not want porn to be a part of my committed relationship?

Aside from the huge bag of jealousy and insecurity issues this woman needs to work through with a therapist, the most important thing to tell any person who has this unrealistic expectation is that they are far, far, far, more likely to end up with a man who lies about his porn consumption than one that doesn't ever look at it.

# ? Aug 8, 2020 17:13

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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