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Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Bless this mess

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Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Pirate Radar posted:

My non-citizen friend used a credit card that wasn’t his accidentally, is now in jail. Help??

Hahaha where can I find a friend this gullible?

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


AITA for accidentally calling my child an 'only child'?

quote:

I am my husband's second wife, we married in 2004 after two years of dating. He was married to his first wife from 1990-1996 and had two children, a boy and girl, who were 5 and a half and 8 and a half when we met. From the start I loved those kids, especially his daughter, a talkative little thing with a heck of an imagination and this kind of infectious optimism. Her brother was harder to get to know but he was an almost nine year old boy more interested in skateboarding, videogames, and girls. But I played team sports with my job and we connected over that. Before long we all grew to love each other.

They lived with their mom full-time about three hours from us but the coparenting situation was really working well. Even when they temporarily moved seven hours away we still saw each other often. Then I had my own son and it felt like the family was complete. The older kids adore their little brother and he's obsessed with them.

My son is 14 now, my step kids are 24 and 27. I'm only 39 (husband is ten years older) and lately I've been craving another child. I didnt get as much time with my stepkids as I wanted and my own son grew up too quickly. I'm still young enough for a new kid and I just took retirement from my job as a police-detective after 18 years on the job, so I have time now. I've had IUDs for several years since my son was born.

Last year my sisters threw me a Mother's Day/Birthday party and my stepdaughter came, gave me a beautiful card and gift, I cried like a baby-back bitch. Halfway through the party I noticed she suddenly stopped involving herself, started treating me coldly, and left early, despite saying she would stay the night with us. I was very sad. But then she stopped talking us. It took five months for my husband to get her to tell him what was wrong.

During the party I was talking to some of my friends and i mentioned wanting another child because i had six siblings and i didnt want my son to grow up feeling like an only child. Apparently she heard me say that and thought I was saying my son is an only sibling. She still wont speak to me but at least she isnt ignoring her father and brother anymore.

Was I an rear end in a top hat for saying what I did?

odds on this lady treating the stepkid as second class for much more than this one occasion?

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


My (30m) fiance (28f) offended my friends, now they're threatening to not come to the wedding.


quote:

This all feels like the most juvenile poo poo in the world so excuse me if my tone seems annoyed. I don't know how to handle this because it's not something that's ever happened before.

Anna and I are getting married in about 6 months. We've been together for three years, met while I was in a temporary work assisgnment that became permanent. As such, my friends are all in one place, I'm in another. Anna hadn't met them until very recently.

The night was going great. We'd gone to visit together so I could introduce her and all that. Personally, I'll be honest. I've been outgrowing my friends steadily for a long time if feels like. We all met loving video games and as I grew up, I felt less of a need to hide away in the video game world. They still play games as their main/only hobbies, spending days and nights at their computers.

Anna didn't know this. She knew I used to play games a lot, and that I still do, on a very very light basis. There's so much else to do in the world that I just can't justify sitting on my rear end in front of a computer screen for hours at a time anymore. There's food to cook and eat, beers to drink, hikes to take, things to build, scarves to knit, books to read, etc. Anna doesn't have any problem with when I play a game, I might play an hour here or there.

But she also would have a problem if I sat playing a game for 6 hours a day until I finished it or anything like that. She wouldn't be interested in a relationship with me if that's how I was, and I don't blame her. It's not attractive, and I see that.

So when we were all out drinking, the subject of one of her exes comes up. I've met the guy and there was nothing terrible about him, they're still on friendly terms. But Anna jokes, "I'm glad I got out of that before I locked it down, he's 28 years old and still sits on his butt playing video games all day."

My friends were uncomfortable, but gave no indication to her that they were upset. At least not at first. She ended up making another disaparaging remark about him, lighthearted, saying that "Oh, he was just one of those guys who goes on that Reddit site all day looking at all the naked girls and arguing over who's the nerdiest. It's so sad."

It was in reference to people we wish would grow up. My friends were then pretty annoyed, I guess. I couldn't tell, and neither could Anna. In my mind, the rest of the night went fine.

After Anna and I got back home, my friends pulled me on Skype to talk so much poo poo about Anna. I was horrified, personally. They were saying really awful things about the girl I'm planning to marry. How she's so judgmental and "cunty" how she's a frigid bitch, how she must feel insecure about her own intelligence if she has a problem with nerds. The whole time I was in awe that this was happening, and when I finally made sense of them, I told them to all knock off the insults against her.

Then they said "You're picking some dumb blonde chick over your bros." and that's when they said that if I dont have her apologize for offending them, they aren't coming to the wedding.

I'm stuck between just telling them to move on with their lives and let me live my new life in peace, and wondering if there's more to this story that I didn't get. Because by all rights, saying you aren't attracted to nerdy gamers isn't offensive, at least I don't think so. Hell, I know if Anna was the type to game all day and Reddit all night, I'd be extremely turned off.

So I don't know what to do. Any suggestions?

tl;dr: GF offended friends back home by insulting her ex-boyfriend, who was an avid gamer. Friends are saying it's essentially her or us, or an apology or they won't come to the wedding. I have no clue what to do.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Licarn posted:

AITA for firing my housekeeper for not acknowledging her christmas bonus + new year raise?

hmm, guillotine

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


My [31f] husband [32m] name calls at our son [1m] and threatened to divorce me for objecting.

quote:

Hello all. My husband "Simon" and I have been married for three years and have a son ""Carl" who just turned one. Last night, while I was finishing up dinner, I asked Simon to start feeding Carl. Carl began fussing in his highchair and throwing food on the floor. Simon responded by saying "you're being a brat". This isn't the first time Simon has made such a comment and we've fought about it before. I expressed that I didn't think it was appropriate or helpful to call a baby names. This time I very calmly said "Don't say that to him, I don't like it." Simon looked pissed and didn't say another word for the rest of dinner. He just let me serve him a beautiful meal, ate it without making a sound, and went upstairs.

Normally after dinner, Simon takes Carl upstairs so I can clean up, so I shouted up the stairs "Hey, what are you doing?" He shouted back "None of your business." I went upstairs with the baby and asked what his problem was. He told me that if I ever again tell him how to interact with Carl, I'll be a single mother with no help whatsoever. He asked who was more important, him or the baby. I told him that was a weird question and I don't really know how to answer it. He kept pushing, so I told him that Carl comes first, but our marriage is a totally different type of relationship, and the two relationships can't be compared. Basically he blew up at me abut how he should come first before the baby, and that using language like "you're being a brat" is tame compared to some of the language that he'll likely use with our son in the future.

Reddit, I don't think I could make it as a single mother, but he's threatening me with an ultimatum; either I stand by and allow him to name call at our son, or he'll divorce me. Should I call his bluff and tell him to get the papers.?

TL;DR Husband calls our baby names, threatened me with divorce for interfering.

Edit: Hi everyone. I just read through most of the replies. Thanks to the people who were supportive. I have an update to give, but it will have to wait until Monday, when I have a one time and privacy. I also want to say that I've gotten a fair about of hate male in my inbox from people making assumptions about my character and I'm reporting unconstructive insults.

I also want to point out that a lot of people are making assumptions that give only him the benefit of the doubt. I over reacted because I'm a nag, and I probably nag him constantly. He also overreacted... but only because I'm such a nag, and I probably neglect him, and never have sex with him, and he's at the end of his rope. Couldn't possibly be that he has a quick temper? No, no man would ever overreact like that without being nagged to death by some shrew. Basically I'm being held responsible for my behavior as well as his. Thanks again for the people who gave honest advice, whether you took my side or not.

never change, reddit

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


In memory of Pick's continued banning, I searched for Star Trek and here you go



My (32f) boyfriend (33m), together 4 years. He blew up at me over my taste in media.

quote:

Henry and I met working together after graduate school. He moved onto a new job after we were together for two years. On the side, I write YA novels, with one published, and a second being shopped by my agent. They are magical realism. For comparison, Anna-Marie Mclemore's THE WEIGHT OF FEATHERS and WHEN THE MOON WAS OURS. Just not quite as gorgeous.

I do not enjoy most sci-fi/fantasy. Things like Star Wars, Firefly, Star Trek, are simply of no interest to me. I got into Harry Potter, and that's as close as I've ever come. More than this -- I don't really enjoy sitting down and watching TV, playing video games, or really going to see movies. I spend so much of my time with my butt in my chair between my two jobs that coming home to sit more is just not for me. I don't have any tv shows that I'm currently watching.

Back in college, I watched Gossip Girl and things of that nature. Occasionally people in the writing world will push a certain tv show or movie that I have to see to keep up with the genre. Like Love, Simon, which I thought was dreadful but at the same time, important.

However, I will give anything a chance. I never know when something might spark my interest. If I am watching a TV show or seeing a movie, I'll bring my knitting with me and work on it while I watch. I don't like sitting idly. It feels like a waste of my time.

Henry got upset with me about it this week. He asked me to go with him to see the new Star Trek and I declined, saying that I'd spent a lot of time in the office and working on edits of my next-next novel, and I'd be up for a nice hike or something like that, but probably not more idle time.

He blew up at me. It became a big, huge deal that I wasn't interested in Star Wars and he called me boring and childish because "the only show you've ever watched is about a bunch of spoiled rich brats and their designer handbags." He went on about how I just have "no taste" in media whatsoever, that he couldn't imagine raising kids with someone he can't even introduce Firefly to. I asked him what he would do if his kids weren't interested in all this geeky stuff he's into, and he told me to stop changing the subject.

I was really taken aback. For the record, I gave Firefly a three episode shot. It wasn't for me.

I have *never* made it into a personal insult or attack if I'm not interested. I'll say "not for me!" and we can do something else, or he can continue watching and I'll embroider or work on my sewing or painting or something else. He often times will have the tv running while he plays video games and I'm running on the treadmill or painting or drawing. I have headphones on and listen to books or music.

For the record, we do a lot of other things together. We hike often (PNW), we ride bikes, go for runs, we have a few art projects together. So what is it about my disinterest in all things geeky that bothers him so much? Is it really so bad if I just don't like Firefly and never got into the whole Marvel thing?

tl;dr: My boyfriend got very upset because I didn't want to see the new Star Wars. He took aim at my interests and called me boring. Is he just frustrated, or is there a real issue here?

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


My (F22) Flatmate (F21) couldn't pay her portion of the wifi bill. My boyfriend and flatmate (M22) tried to intervene and they got into a shouting match. How to clear the air?

quote:

This is a throwaway account just incase anybody finds this.

I also posted this on AITA, but thought I could get more advice about possible resolution here.

We're all British university students. It's my boyfriend Jim (M22) and I(F22), Sarah (F21), Lilly (F21) and Steve (M22)

So yesterday I received a message from Sarah saying: "I also just realised the wifi is due tomorrow, is it alright if I pay you my share when I get money? Sorry this money situation is ridiculous" All our bills are included in our rent apart from wifi which I am in charge of. I asked when she'd be getting money in which she told me was the 21st November. Quite a while away.

Immediately I was quite annoyed. I'd just lent her money that day to get an uber to her fieldwork (she has a bus pass, but the buses don't run early enough). I'd also paid for her ticket for an event later on in the month. I genuinely thought she'd left enough money to pay her share of the bill.

I was annoyed was because the Saturday before she'd gone on a huge night out and she'd been ordering lots of things (including anal lube just in case a guy she's been speaking to wanted to do anal) (note: I did not specifically bring up the lube, just said ordered things in general), not exactly necessities.

Normally I wouldn't judge at all what other people buy, but seeing as her "money situation" was just her own overspending and she was presenting it as though it was a problem out of her hands, I was annoyed (if it had been an unexpected expense then I'd have completely understood).

So I communicated as much to her and she immediately got defensive and blamed it on expecting her deposit to be returned (even though they'd been messing her around for months).

I then asked what she would have done if I only had money for my portion of the bill and it couldn't be paid and my credit score was damaged. I said this time you can pay me back later, but next time please set money aside for the bill.

She responded saying "alright, an okay fine would have sufficied" and proceeded to give me the silent treatment. So now she's getting arsey at me, even though I'm doing her a favour.

Later on Jim bumped into her and told her "Hey Sarah, don't take the piss you know OP is doing you a favour" To which she immediately slammed the bathroom door and when she came out before Jim could even say anything she shouted at him (loud enough that it could be heard upstairs) "I have mental health problems!" To which Jim shouted back "And you think I don't?" What followed was a screaming match and Sarah running off to her room screaming that we all should just leave her alone and that she doesn't need mothering. Apparently she didn't need me having a go and lecturing her.

I organised a house meeting to discuss and clear the air, however she did not show up and refuses to tell us when she will be back. She also told Lilly she feels "unsafe" in the house. I think when she screamed at Jim she thought he'd back down and apologise, but if you've brought the bar to shouting then the other person is allowed to shout back. I have no idea how proceed, she isn't answering messages and it's becoming a habit of hers to ignore problems until they go away.

Can't move out, gotta live with it.

TL;DR! Flatmate overspent and couldn't pay her portion of the wifi bill which lead to a screaming match between her and another flatmate. Now she won't answer messages and is avoiding the house

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Me [23 M] with my roommate [23 M] of around 8 months. His insecurity is driving me insane.


quote:

Howdy reddit. I’m a frequent flyer here at relationships but never anticipated needing to post for advice. Sorry for any formatting issues or spelling errors as I am posting from mobile.

I’ve known “Harold” for roughly 10 years, I met him when I moved back to my home state when I was young, and we’ve been friends since. I’ve seen him grow as a person, but not for the better. He has always been slightly confrontational, and hard headed, but I’ve never held that against him. Until now.

We moved in to an apartment with another roommate, as we were all 3 looking for a place in the same area. I’ve been pretty miserable living in this situation for months, but never thought it was as big a factor as it really has become. To keep things short and concise here is a description of everything that’s gone on, and how it call connects.

Harold has a cat, but he said it’s too lonely and he needs another. So now we have two cats. (I love cats to clarify)

Harold likes to decorate everything with his boxes of past consoles and random knick knacks that are either broken and he doesn’t want to look at them, or get rid of.

Harold worked a poo poo tier pizza job for 5 years before I helped him get a job at my work, in another department.

Harold habitually smokes Dab, not weed in general, but specifically oil that’s been condensed to get you a lot higher. And when I saw habitually I’m not being hyperbolic, he averages 35 dabs a day.

Harold is an aggressive driver. Actually let me rephrase that, Harold will try and cause an accident because you’re going 5 under in the middle lane, and he’s taking offense to that no matter who you are.

Harold is racist. Not overtly, but it’s there and I’ve heard it.

Harold has 0 interests other than video games, and watching YouTube videos. He says he likes other things, but presented with opportunities to participate in anything, even specific things he mentioned he likes, he’ll refute based off preconceived notions that he won’t enjoy it because X person is going or the temp outside is too hot.

Okay, now that you know a little about Harold let me bring you up to speed on each of these topics and how it’s ruined any semblance of our apartment being a home for myself or our other roommate.

Harold off the bat controlled the thermostat like a white suburban dad Facebook meme, to the point he will install timers and controls on the thermostat so even if we change the temp it is clocked to go back to 68 15 minutes later. We live in the south in a poorly insulated apartment built in the 80s, but being raised here I can deal with a little extra heat to save some money, he on the other hand cannot.

Now onto the cats, I absolutely love these little guys but they are assholes. They’ll knock over anything and everything they can, while at the same time trying to eat any food that ever shows up in the apartment. It’s to the point they’re closer to acting like starving dogs than cats. They run the whole place essentially, they’ll jiggle open my door and break into my room and gently caress with my things. I’ve attempted multiple conversations with Harold over this matter but to use his words “I mean they’re cats, it’s your fault for leaving things out.” This was a punch in the face, I realized at this moment Harold values his possessions more than relationships with others around him.

About a week after that conversation I confronted Harold again, here’s the thing about how he acts towards anyone tries to bring any serious issue up with him, or whether you should buy bagged beets, doesn’t really matter what, he will be defensive from the go. Everything is everyone else’s fault, nothing makes him mad it’s other people who deliberately piss him off. Pretty terrible argument when you realize most things he’s upset about, he’s generally in the wrong. This applies to driving and being behind someone going slow, Or what movies are good or music or anything, question his thinking, even unknowingly, and he’s going to sit and argue until you’ve given up or he’s started screaming. He will berate and belittle you and call it joking, he’ll jab at your insecurities but the second you give it back to him he’ll call you an rear end in a top hat. We had these arguments as kids playing call of duty but I’m floored his demeanor in these moments. He will do this to ANYONE, I’ve seen him do it to his mom, roommates, friends, strangers in a restaurant, or even the kid sitting behind us at a movie theater.

So through these actions 3/4 of our friend group has cut him off, other than myself and 3 other friends. He blames the others for being jerks to him or being idiots he doesn’t want to talk to anyway. In reality these people realized a lot sooner he is an rear end in a top hat on even a good day, and cut the negativity. I should have followed suit.

Now with all of these things said I feel like I’m just ripping on him super hard. This feels like a dirty email I shouldn’t send but I need advice on how to proceed. Our lease is up in a few months, I don’t have a new place lined up but I cannot continue living with Harold. I’m not joking when I say I’ve considered writing a novel about this guy because if I listed how he reacts to slow drivers, or to video games, or being faced with factual information y’all would think I’m making him up.

I don’t want to have another shouting match, I don’t want to try and tell him what he does that bothers others because I’ve tried and he’ll start by denying, screaming, and then break down into hysterical tears and it all makes me feel like poo poo. This guy was my friend until I lived with him, but now I’m just faking it.

One last thing, other roommate mentioned in the story now stays with his girlfriend 100 percent of the time and has been since about a month into the lease, still pays rent but his girlfriend lives closer to his work, so I’ve never had either back up or a third vote in either direction to give another perspective.

I guess it comes down to the real question, redditors who made the mistake of living with a friend, or bad roommates, or just all of y’all in general, how do I traverse this? Work wouldn’t really be an issue as he works in a different building/department, but do I just cut it off and say I’m moving out no explanation? Or should I tell him again how he hurts those around him in hopes he’ll see some light?

I’m sorry if this seems scatter brained or not conclusive, I have a hard time defining what is important to bring up, being that I never thought I’d be in this situation. Thanks again.

TLDR: roommate is insecure and is hurtful to be around. Thought he was a friend but the relationship on my end has gone sour. Lease is up in a few months, how should I proceed?

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Gross housemate drama is my favourite drama, because I have had some real gross housemates

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


My [29F] roommate [26F] is obsessed with and trying to 'become' our friend [31M]'s fiancée [28F].

quote:

Okay. This is going to be very long, and I’m writing this because I’m not sure how else to handle this at this point.

So to preface:

This primarily involves me (Soulberry, 29), my roommate Cassie (26), the girl she’s stalking, Maelle (28), and Simon (31), Maelle’s fiancé.

We live in a city of almost 2 million, but somehow, everyone in this nerd circle knows (or at least knows of) everyone else. I’m sorry if the details are sparse, but I feel like I might be outed by too many specifics, as a lot of us also browse Reddit.

I moved to this city for college and ended up staying, as a lot of people often do. I was living alone until I met Cassie through a mutual friend about 3 years ago. I come from a very stable home life. I have a very close relationship with my mother and stepfather, and I have twin younger brothers that I talk to daily. Cassie, on the other hand, was raised by her aunt and uncle and was on and off medicine (I don’t know what for) for a lot of her middle school years. She has no siblings and avoids calls from her aunt, only talking to her maybe once a week. She has her quirks, but I thought she was a well-adjusted member of society.

Cassie and I were at a convention roughly a year ago when we met Simon and Maelle. They had just moved to the area and Simon, Cassie and I hit it off. We found out that we all had quite a few mutual friends and our friendship was solidified when we all saw each other at a party a week later. Maelle was really quiet and reserved the first couple times we all hung out, but eventually we were all getting on really well. Simon and Maelle are somewhat of a power couple, if that’s the correct word. They are both attractive, they have good careers, but they also have a very visible and active presence in these subculture communities and a myriad of hobbies both within and outside of the community. They have a lot of friends surrounding them, and their condo is often the ‘centre of operations’ for weekends out or parties. Maelle is very no-nonsense take charge kind, and Simon is very goofy, open, and welcoming. They’re both very social, basically. After we met them, Simon and Maelle got engaged. It was a long time coming apparently, and everyone was thrilled.

While I knew that Cassie had a crush on Simon (not surprising, he’s very good looking and charismatic), I thought that it was something very innocent, as she’s had ‘crushes’ on people in our friends circle before. But sometime after they were engaged (I can’t remember specifics, I wasn’t writing anything down at this point) she said she was going to flake on plans to hang out at their house and play board games. When I asked why, she said Maelle and Simon had been fighting a lot recently, and it made her uncomfortable. I was genuinely surprised, as I wasn’t aware of her being over there without me, and every time we were there everything had seemed normal. Cassie insisted that they’d been fighting, giving each other the silent treatment, and kind of joked that I was normally sooo observant but hadn’t noticed this. She then said she wasn’t surprised, that Maelle was a cold-hearted person and Simon ‘honestly deserved better’. This seemed like a pretty intense escalation to me, as she’d never had a problem with them before and got along with both Simon and Maelle, so I suggested that she skip hanging out and take some time to draw things out (she apparently did this a lot in therapy, and making these ‘flowchart’ things seems to help her with graduate school anxiety, worries, and difficult decisions). She instead asked if I was still going, and when I said yes, immediately said she’d go. I didn’t want to discourage her, but I said that if she felt uncomfortable, she should tell me and we’d leave.

We went, and she would laugh and joke with Simon, but when Maelle spoke to her or asked her questions (food or drink choices, for example) she got very visibly uncomfortable and would kind of ‘shut down’ or pretend not to hear her. Simon would glance between me and her a couple of times, but no one said anything, even Maelle. I hadn’t seen Cassie act like this in a long time, and resolved to talk to her about it when I got home. Well, that never happened, as we ended up staying the night and then going out to brunch the next day, where Cassie seemed perfectly fine with Maelle. I thought it had blown over, and Cassie didn’t say much about her from then on, so nothing sticks out in my head until Cassie announced a couple weeks later that she had a boyfriend, Chad.

Cassie has always been bisexual but she’s casually dated women exclusively since I met her, so this was a new development. I asked if she’d end up bringing him around, if she wanted to switch beds (her aunt ended up giving us mattresses a couple years ago, and I’d taken the bigger one at Cassie’s insistence). At first she said yes, and then changed her mind, saying that he lived alone and it was easier to go over to his house. Despite this, she never spent the night there, although she’d vanish to his house for hours on end.

After she got her ‘boyfriend’ (that I never met, almost 2 months later) is when poo poo really started getting weird. Cassie started getting oddly obsessed with things she’d never cared about before, like skincare and haircare. Her face started breaking out like crazy, and it really seemed to frustrate her. She was getting packages almost every other day, from Amazon or other places. I found a pamphlet on our side door table for laser eye surgery (she has glasses). She got a brand new phone, out of the blue, and started going to her school’s gym and starving herself (and then binging the next day) and constantly told me that she was starting to lose weight, she was looking so good, her boobs were getting smaller. When I was folding our laundry one day, I found a shirt that was not mine and would not fit her. When I asked her about it, she quickly snatched it away, saying that she bought it for when she would be ‘fit enough to wear it’. We’d always watched TV shows together before, but she was spending an abnormal amount of time on her phone now. She mentioned setting her phone to French because she wanted to learn another language, and I told her to talk to Maelle or another friend Stephanie (both are trilingual). She said she’d never ask Maelle for help, and asked me not to talk about Maelle around her. When I asked why, she said it seemed like Maelle was ‘mean’ to her, and Maelle’s behaviour ‘gave her anxiety’. At this point, I started writing things down, as warning flags were going off but I had no idea why, what they meant, or how to handle it.

Which brings us to yesterday, when I got a text from Simon after I came back from work and Cassie had left me a text saying that she was ‘at her boyfriend’s’ (word for word off of my phone):

Simon: Hey are we hanging tonight?

Me: I had no plans to, why?

Simon: Just saw cassie leaving our development, wondered if we forgot about plans we’d made, maelle is working overtime tonight so I’m sorry if there was a miscommunication.

Me: There wasn’t, I had no plans to hang out and neither did Cassie.

Simon: OK nice just making sure. See you Sunday.

I thought about texting Cassie at this point, but decided against it. She came home that night with her hair dyed dark brown. I mentioned that Simon had texted me about seeing her leave the development, and she denied being there. I showed her the message, and she read it, before handing it back to me and saying that she didn’t think there would be any board games on Sunday. When I asked why, she told me that Maelle and Simon were considering calling off their engagement, because Simon wasn’t happy with Maelle anymore. When I asked her what made her think that, she got defensive. She said that Simon talked to her more than I realized, that they had a real connection, and that she was privy to all kinds of ‘terrifying things’ about Maelle that Simon had told her. She pulled out her phone and said that I should believe her, but if I didn’t, she’d show me proof.

For some reason, seeing her phone was the turning point for me, and it hit me all at once. Maelle had dark brown hair. Maelle had the exact same phone that Cassie suddenly got, and set it to one of Maelle’s primary languages that she speaks. Maelle didn’t wear glasses, but Maelle did have Ray Bans in the exact style that Cassie suddenly bought (pointlessly, because Cassie did not wear contacts). I’d never met Chad, but all of her descriptions of him sounded suspiciously like Simon (tall, tan, black wavy hair, really dark brown eyes). I asked to see her phone, and she basically flipped out, saying that I should trust her on principle, and that we’re best friends. I wanted to ask her about everything I’d noticed, but I had no idea how to bring it up, so I sort of choked on my words. Cassie used the opportunity to yell at me again for not trusting her, started crying and said that she was going over to Chad’s, slamming the door on her way out.

After a couple minutes of just sort of standing there trying to process things, I started snooping. I know I shouldn’t have, but that’s water under the proverbial bridge at this point. I started in her bathroom, where I was faced with an unfamiliar array of French skincare products and really expensive shampoos and conditioners. The first drawer had all of her old stuff in it (Suave, drugstore skincare stuff, etc) and the second drawer had more of her old stuff with a paper list in it. I opened it and found a bunch of odd things written down, divided by lines. I realized after a moment that they were brands (Avene, Phyto, Madewell, that sort of thing) divided by types (skincare, clothes, etc). Also written were seemingly random words like “yoga”, “bangles” and “peacocks”. Cassie worked part time and did not have a lot of money to spare, so I was wondering where she got the money for this brand new range (and wondering if that’s why her skin was so bad now). I opened the third drawer, and sort of just got a horrible sinking feeling. The third drawer had a bunch of things of Maelle’s in it. Lipsticks, hair accessories, a loving pouch with her name embroidered on it that I didn’t open, and a bunch of other stuff I didn’t take stock of.

After seeing this, I immediately texted Simon with “Hey, is Maelle missing anything from her bathroom?” Simon immediately called me. Yes, Maelle had been missing things for a while now. I explained what I’d found, and Simon was just as confused and lost as I was. It ended with him asking me to just remove those things from her bathroom and put them in a bag, and to meet the next day to pick them up so I could explain to Maelle. He said that I was still welcome in their house, but Cassie wasn’t welcome anymore. He then said he’d call and tell her this and hung up. I gathered up all of Maelle’s things and moved them safely to my room, and when I came back out into the living room, I had five rambling texts from Cassie. In them, she blamed me for ruining her chances with Simon. She accused me of destroying our friendship by going through her things, saying she’d never forgive me, and that Maelle was a bitch who was lying and trying to frame her to keep her and Simon apart. I immediately called Cassie, and it rang once before it went straight to voicemail.

At this point, no holds were barred. Her laptop was on the arm of the couch, and I opened it. At first, I was going to go on her Facebook, but everything was right on the desktop in a folder labeled ‘NNNNN’. Pictures of Simon from Instagram and Facebook, what little pictures Maelle had posted on social media and screenshots of her twitter updates, pictures of their house, the bathroom, the inside of Maelle’s dresser drawers, pictures peering through the windows of both of their cars, a picture of Maelle’s engagement ring. I immediately zipped the contents of the folder and emailed them to myself from Cassie’s email account. I tried calling her again, and was shuttled to voicemail. I considered going into her room, but thought that might have also been crossing a line, so I just went into my room to take stock of what Cassie had stolen from Maelle. She’d taken jewelry, a lot of stuff from the French pharmacies (tampons, calling cards, ointments), a lot of lipsticks, some skincare (mostly sunscreen), hair accessories, some things definitely from her bedroom (a pair of small pink socks for example).

So I’m just at a loss. I’m convinced there’s no boyfriend of Cassie's, but I have no idea where she's been when she says she's at his house. I’m convinced that something is very wrong with Cassie for her to be so weirdly obsessed with Maelle, but I have no idea what. Maelle woke up with the flu this morning, so we are not meeting tonight, and Cassie hasn’t been home since she left yesterday. I tried calling her twice today, Simon texted me briefly earlier in the day, but aside from that, I haven’t spoken to anyone else about this.

tl;dr as far as I can tell my roommate is obsessed with our good friend and is stealing his fiancée’s belongings and trying to emulate her down to what sort of freaking shampoo she uses to wash her hair. What can I do, what the hell am I going to be facing, what could be wrong with her?

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Xenocides posted:

I ended up being forced to date my current boyfriend Stan a few weeks later. A friend of ours was dating Stan's best friend and I still don't know how this happened, but I got dragged into a date then a relationship with him because our friend and her boyfriend thought Stan was lonely and needed someone.

well nothing she can do about that, just keep dating this loser i guess, there's clearly zero alternatives

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


just kill stan and get a new wife, in prison

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Me [22 F] with my roommate [19 F] of two weeks, she is ruining my life but she won't have anywhere to go if I kick her out. She is unbearably inconsiderate, am I over-reacting?

quote:

I have been friends with my roommate, we'll call her Jane, for a few years now and she is one of my closest friends in the city. I love her to death, she has so much personality and is a genuinely good person. This all started because she was in a horrible relationship with the worst person I have ever met [26ish M], let's call him Dick (see what I did there?). He was verbally abusive, very controlling and if we're being honest here, pretty loving crazy. I never liked him, but he made her happy for a while so I was happy for her: I voiced my concerns but I was pretty supportive.

Jane came to me and told me she just couldn't live with him any more, and I told her I understood, and that she would be welcome to stay with me in my one bedroom apartment, but I was very clear that she would have to split rent and not be messy in my space like she was in hers. My rent is $1050, and I asked her to pay $400, because that's more than fair and it's how much I need for this arrangement to be worth it for me. She only gave me $220 for this month!

I will have you know that I am very type-A. I am so organized, I could live in my house for weeks blindfolded because I know where everything is. Even in mild amounts of clutter, my clutter is organized. And clean.

But she is so irresponsible and inconsiderate! I just came home at 7am to a naked dude (junk in hand) roaming the house, both of them tripping acid, and vomit ALL over the bathroom. Today is my day off and I'm already angry and have spent an hour cleaning up after the tornado that must have just ripped right through my house last night. And this is after having THREE talks about her not showing respect for me or my home. Every single day I come home from an 8 hour shift and spend at least 30-45 minutes (sometimes more) picking up after her, because she is just fine with living in filth. She will literally watch me do HER dishes, or clean up all the poo poo she left on my couch, table, coffee table, counters, bed, desk, etc. How rude, right?

We have very different understandings of what it means to have a "clean" space, which we have also talked about. She sweeps and dusts, but who cares about dirt on the floor when you can't even see it through the PILES of poo poo everywhere! I started to contribute to the sweeping and scrubbing, but she has made no effort to pick up after herself. I don't have children for a reason!

This part will be me whining, so feel free to skip this paragraph: Dick comes to my house at 2:30am the other night, which pisses me off to no end because I have to wake up at 5am. He's on my front porch banging on the door, my dog is going crazy and he won't leave. Jane of course can't be bothered to get out of bed to deal with her own dramatic bullshit. I yell through the door that I'm calling the cops and he needs to go away, so he leaves. But I wake up in the morning and Dick has stolen Jane's car! Which means that she is holed up in my home, making a giant mess everyday. Jane pooped in my toilet, closed the lid and didn't flush. She did the same thing with a tampon this week. She stole some of my Adderall, after I told her that was equivalent to my savings account. She drinks all my wine without contributing and has started to eat my food. She got a giant period-stain on my white cloth couch, she never re-uses towels, doesn't buy toilet paper or paper towels and has no problem using them, she absolutely refuses to take out the trash, she leaves filled ice trays out so they melt. She is noisy and we have opposite sleeping schedules, but that I could tolerate if the other stuff wasn't happening. I can't keep doing this, it literally stresses me out all day long knowing that I'll have to go home and clean before I can relax.

She maybe works 20-30 hours a week while I'm at 40 and looking for a second job. Every day I get home from work (at 3pm) and she is drunk, stoned and my house is a wreck. I can't even have my boyfriend over anymore because I share the bed with Jane and I don't want him to see the mess, and it's taking a toll on our relationship.

Basically, my patience is running out and I don't know what to do. I need to know if I am completely over-reacting and I need to just learn to live in a landfill? Or am I right? Again, I have asked Jane three times to show a little respect for me and my space, to no avail. I do not want to kick her out, because I know she'll move back in with Dick and be miserable, it will ruin our relationship and I could really use the financial help right now.

Is there a best way to approach this? What do I do? I suck at confrontation, any and all advice is welcome and much appreciated. And if you've made it this far, thank you for reading this novel of bitching.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Roommate's [23M] friend [24F] is ruining my [23F] ideal rooming situation

quote:

My original roommate, who I'll call Dan, is a drag queen. We met at college, and when we graduated, he offered up a co-ed living arrangement. I had just come out as gay, and my parents decided they were no longer willing to support me. Dan's parents were super cool about him coming out, and were helping him pay rent on an apartment, but they wanted him to find a roommate before two months was up, so he invited me to stay with him.

He's a great roommate, sleeps during the day, works in the afternoons, and then does drag at night. When he's awake, he's also super awesome. If I have a date, he does my makeup and offers me clothes. We like to have Netflix and pizza dates together on Wednesdays if he's not busy, and just generally enjoy each other's company.

Two and a half months ago, he called me saying that a good friend of his, Mia, had been kicked out by her roommates. He never cited a reason why, but said it was a sore subject for her. We had an extra room (used as a junk storage area), so we welcomed her in. She works a pretty standard receptionist job, and keeps fairly normal hours. For the first week, I didn't see a lot of Mia. She was working really hard at a job that was fairly far away, and apparently, she was very reclusive.

After that, she got comfortable, and was hanging out more. The second week she was staying, she asked if I was okay with her smoking weed in the apartment. I asked her to keep a window open, as Dan smokes too, and does the same. She obliged, and all was well. Then, she started smoking in the living room, with the windows shut. It smelled terrible. I brought it up to her, asked her not to do it again, and she apologized, then did it all over again by Friday.

I told Dan, and he said something to the effect of not wanting to make mountains out of molehills. He reminded me that she was having a tough time, and asked me to be gentle with her. I accepted the answer.

Mia wrote in our group text that her mom was giving up her elderly cat, Rudy, and she wanted to keep him. I asked if he was potty trained and if he had any behavior problems, she responded a yes and no, so I said it was alright. While I was out with friends one day, my door was closed, but when I came home, there was cat pee all over my sheets.

I confronted Mia about it, and she said that she was so sorry, but she wanted to treat Rudy to some of the sunshine in my room (I have a nice view, unobstructed by buildings.) She offered to get the stain and smell out, so I forgave her. Then, I came home a few days later, and Rudy had vomited on my area rug. I told Mia about it, and she just dismissed it as him "pawing his way in" to the closed room. Again, there were claw marks up and down my mattress. I was so furious, I told Dan, who said he didn't have a perfect solution.

Mia's existence here has just made me more miserable. When she smokes, she invites friends over, and they stink up the living room while yelling and drinking. If I ask them to be quiet, they all laugh at me, and I feel guilty. Mia will apologize in the morning, but won't change what she does. She doesn't do her dishes, and says that if she has to pitch in a 3rd for rent, why can't we pitch in a 3rd of the effort and do the dishes. Food sits in her room and smells. She flushes her tampons and pads, backing up the toilet. When we reprimand her about it, she says she had no idea, and does it again. Dan put a semi-passive aggressive poster up like they do in restaurants, and she said we were all attacking her, and had a meltdown about how hard it's been for her since being kicked out. Dan felt bad, took it down, and we all apologized to each other (for no real reason?)

Still, she has no intention to move out, and Dan doesn't want to kick her out. He admitted that he has problems with her, but he won't ruin a friendship over something like this. I don't want to move out. This was a really good set up for a while, and I don't want to have to go find some random roomie. As well, I don't have many good friends like Dan in the city, and I feel it would be isolating to move out, and hard to hang out with him while Mia was there. I also don't want Mia to be kicked out weeks after I've found a new place, and feel like the situation could've been remedied earlier.

Is there anyway that I can either flush Mia out, or make Dan grow a spine? He makes the majority of the money in the house (his normal job draws in some, and then he gets more through his drag), and sort of gets the final say on what happens because of it- he pays for communal groceries, buys furniture for our living room, etc. Mia won't go unless he tells her to, so I'm just lost. Can I win without moving out?

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


My [28F] boyfriend [30M] refuses to clean his house [3.5 yr duration].

quote:

TL;DR He does only the bare minimum of cleaning, it’s below my standards, we constantly argue about it. Is this relationship salvageable and how to save it?

My boyfriend and I do not live together, specifically because we’ve spent the past 1.5 years of our relationship arguing about cleaning. We each live with a male roommate our own age (his is his lifelong best friend, mine is an aquaintance I met in college).

As you can guess, I’m one of the stereotypical people posting on this page and I’m gonna say “but we’ve stayed together because other than that he’s a great boyfriend”! Sorry, sorry... also I admit I just read what I typed up and it sounds SUPER angry and bitter, I don’t actually hate him, I just sound hateful because I am so drat angry and tired of this.

Now, his house isn’t hoarder-level bad - but it is the dirtiest non-hoarder house I’ve ever seen. His personal rule, or what I am forced to assume is his personal rule after months and months of arguments, is “if it doesn’t touch food or bathroom waste, it doesn’t need to be cleaned.”

This means that he will keep his toilet, kitchen counter, and dishes clean... but... literally anything else in the house gets cleaned rarely-to-never.

Every time we try to talk about it, he has excuses that I quite honestly think are so childish that I feel insulted by the fact that he even thought I’d fall for them, if that makes sense.

Excuse 1: “my parents were alcoholics and never taught me to clean so I never learned”. .... first off dude, you’re loving 30, you’ve had 12 years to learn and both google and YouTube have existed for those full 12 years. Secondly, my parents also were neglectful and never taught me to clean, I am completely self taught, so if I can do it why can’t you? Thirdly, we are talking about issues like “he refuses to clean up a piece of dirt that’s been on the floor for weeks”. How does that require “being taught” in any way, just use your functioning eyeballs to identify the dirt and then your functioning hands to pick it up, what exactly is the part you have difficulty with?

One of the questions I have for this subreddit - I’ve been trying a tactic where I hold a position of “I’m not going to teach you because you’re an adult and I’m not your mom, teaching yourself to do the chore is part of doing the chore.”. Am I in the right, or am I being waaay too stubborn, should I give in and teach him the chores just to get this over with?

Excuse 2: “There’s no point cleaning because my roommate just makes a mess again” and/or “It’s not my job to clean that, it’s Roommate’s job” .... yeah, that excuse works when you’re an 18 year old college student fighting about whose turn it is to do dishes, but as an adult? That’ ridiculous. My roommate ALSO is a messy jerk who doesn’t do any chores, so I do the adult thing, and clean the house myself (while also talking to my roommate about the problem, and looking for a new roommate since talking doesn’t work lol). It is unbelievable to me that a 30 year old would say “well my roommate didn’t clean the bathroom so I’m going to make my guests use a dirty bathroom”, or even “well my roommate didn’t clean the bathroom so I guess I’ll just use a dirty bathroom”. Wtf?

....oh and also, that’s all completely besides the point, because Boyfriend also never does these chores so he’s totally LYING. As I will describe below, he has chores that literally haven’t been done at all in years. So saying “oh the floor is just dirty because Roommate skipped his turn to clean it” is actually 100% a lie because it’s omitting the fact that Boyfriend has also skipped his turn for the past 100 turns or so...

Here’s a couple examples of fights we’ve had, to show specifically the mess level that we’re talking about. I know my post is long so you can skip this part if you want.

The entire time we’ve been together, his light switches were all coated in this brownish yellow sticky goop that looks exactly like the residue that gets left behind when you peel a sticker off something. I remember going to his house and thinking “huh, did he used to have stickers on his light switches? Maybe he did, his roommate does have stickers all over his desk and computer...” And I never questioned it. Of course, I later discovered that he’s never had stickers, it’s just ten years of finger grease since he’s never wiped a light switch with a cleaning product in his life and I spent an entire 2 years touching those filthy light switches (insert puking emoji here).

But wait, there’s more... I calmly, politely, fairly requested that he clean them, he said something like “I’ll try but I’m not sure if that stuff will actually come off”. He never cleaned them so I thought, “ah, the stuff must be permanently stuck there, at least he tried.” ... then a couple months later I decided to clean his room while he was sick as a favour, and I discovered that the goop came off with one quick wipe of a cloth. He loving LIED to me (lying by omission, anyway) just to get out of 0.5 seconds of cleaning!! .... so I calmly and politely talked to him about it, and he twisted the argument around and turned it into a discussion about how I’m the bad guy because my standards are too high and it’s mean. Sorry, I try to see things from both sides but I think I’m objectively in the right when it comes to gummy sticky light switches...

2. His bathroom - the bath mat has been permanently stuck to the floor for about 4 years since he’s cleaned it so rarely, now it can’t even be cleaned. There’s a quarter inch strip of hair/grime between the bath mat and tub which he’s never even tried to wipe, so you have to stare at a massive forest of 10 years of shed back hair and pubes every time you sit on the toilet. The walls are visibly grimy, I don’t even know what it is because I’ve never even seen a wall be dirty before - dust and grease? I don’t know? Anyway, I politely asked him many times to clean the bathroom, he brushes it off with answers like “you can’t always get what you want” or “I actually did clean it yesterday, roommate just made a mess right before you came over”(obviously a lie based on the evidence I just mentioned) or “I did clean the walls, the house is just old so they look weird”(also obviously a lie, I did the “half second wipe test” on the wall as well and left behind a streak of clean wall).

So I guess my question is... is this relationship salvageable? Can he change? Is there some way to explain things to him, some strategy I haven’t tried, that will make him understand? Or is this all even worth it? Should I even forgive someone who respects me so little that he will lie to me to get out of doing the bare minimum of cleaning?

My main question actually; What’s your perspective on how he treats me, is this just normal disagreement about chores, or is this a sign that deep down he just doesn’t respect me? (Or am I overthinking here?)

Also please feel free to judge the examples I gave and tell me if I am actually a clean freak whose standards are way too high. I don’t think it’s true, but hey, I’ll try to be open minded.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


What a gift, that all these people come on the internet to entertain us with stories that make them look bad

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


bitchy cousin played her hand too early, real power move would have been to surprise them with the entry fee when they arrive

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


perfectly normal in europe

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


i feel like there's prolly been loads of geniuses who have spent all their money on anime figurines* and then posted on the internet about how hard done by they are

*or alternately, erotic furry art

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


My girlfriend [24F] of six months just bought a $700 fursuit. She didn't tell me about the purchase beforehand. I [21M] didn't even know she was a furry until now. Am I the rear end in a top hat here for getting upset about this?

quote:

Of course I support her decision, but she still lives with her parents who are horrible to her - I think she should've prioritized getting out of the house before buying an expensive partial fursuit. Also $700 is a lot of money for us and I feel like I should've been consulted before a major purchase like this. Also also apparently she has been into furry stuff for a long time (since before we started dating) and is just now telling me. TL;DR girlfriend made a large purchase without talking to me. She also didn't tell me about being a part of a "fringe" community. Am I in the wrong? Edit: I know I'm wrong about the money part of this. It's her money and therefore her decision.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


My [21F] boyfriend [22M] of 6 months walked in on me in my fursuit, weird reaction

quote:

throwaway/alt because my furry side is a big secret.. also this turned into a wall, I'm sorry!

Hi, r/relationships for the sake of this, my bf is Brad and my fursuiting friend is Melissa.

backstory: I've always been afraid to show people this side of me, and I normally just never talk about. it doesn't really come up in normal conversation anyway, so when I have people over I stuff my suit into a box in the back of my closet. Pretty much no one in my life knows that I'm a furry besides my best friend and my ex girlfriend. I know that Brad is kind of weird around the idea of furries, as I saw him browsing r/cringeanarchy once and he was laughing at a picture of one on there.

Now, I know that a lot of furries are freaks. I'm not like that, I like to suit with other people who enjoy it as a hobby, and go to some conventions on occasion. It's just something I like to do, I like to escape into the character, and I don't let it interfere with my life. I don't "act furry" outside of this persona or conventions, or my own apartment occasionally.

My best friend is also a furry, who moved here to be closer to the convention held here. We hang out and sometimes suit together in my or her apartment, just to have fun or make silly videos. Yesterday, I had her over and we were getting suited up to do some dancing, something that we do probably once a week as a fun exercise.

My boyfriend walked in on us, and after staring at us in our suits for what seemed to be an eternity (it was so, so awkward..) he went into my room to grab a notebook he'd left the day before and then walked out the door without saying anything. I had no idea he was going to come over, he didn't text or call me to tell me beforehand. Melissa tried to comfort me, but I asked her to leave so I could be alone.

I've tried calling and texting him, and finally after what seemed like hours, he sent me a text saying "This is really weird. I really need to think about what I saw, I don't know if I can date a dog."

I really don't know what to say to him. I've tried to tell him that I'm not into any part of the sexual poo poo in the fandom, it disgusts me, but no response. We've had a great relationship so far, literally no problems before this.

Is there anything I can tell Brad to make him see this isn't some hosed up fetish? I don't know how to proceed.. I'm worried that not only will he break up with me, but he'll tell other people and I'll be found out.. I really want to keep this part of my life hidden.

tl;dr: my bf walked in on me in my fursuit, says he doesn't know if he can date a dog. scared that he'll expose me or break up, what do I do?

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Miss posted:

My [21F] boyfriend [22M] of 6 months walked in on me in my fursuit, weird reaction

trying to work out what the optimum scenario would have been for the gf here

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


pentyne posted:

There was that guy recently spending so much money on food he was putting it on his credit card as debt. His excuse was it was a way for him to get out and socialize and as an example he spent $26 on a gyro and a drink for lunch.

god drat how big of a gyro costs $20+??

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Dumping her [26/F] for failing to believe me [25/M] about being sick?

quote:

My GF and I have been together for about a year. Most everything is great except one thing: If I tell her I'm sick/not feeling well/hurt she refuses to believe me. If I have a cold, she tells me I'm faking it until it goes away and then says "see, you are fine!" I'm rarely sick, so it's never been a major issue. But, she has zero sympathy when I'm sick.

She grew up with hypochondriac parents who were always "sick" with something, often self-diagnosing themselves with fatal maladies. She has limited contact with them and the time I met them, I was told (by them) that "they didn't have long left to live." I get it, growing up in that household must have been awful. But, what happened on Sunday just sent me over the edge.

GF and my sister [29/F] wanted to check-out this event and we were all supposed to go. I woke up with excruciating back pain and could barely breathe. GF got so mad at me for "ruining this" that she wouldn't speak to me. As she was about to leave I asked her not to leave because I thought something was wrong. She said no and left. I threw up in my bed and eventually called my parents (I was too embarrassed to call 9-1-1) and my mother and brother hauled me to the hospital.

I was whisked back and after ~20 minutes I was diagnosed with kidney stones. Fentanyl and gravol and I had a CT scan and then went for a procedure to bust the kidney stones. (Anyone questioning whether or not to have the procedure: DO IT. The side effects are nothing).

5 hours later and I was laying on my parent's sofa in a haze. I have never, and hope to never, feel pain like that again in my life. I was sure I was going to die. The attending in the ER told me it's worse than child birth and that they've had it before, too.

I didn't text my GF throughout because I really didn't have the strength or foresight. I was drugged up and uncomfortable. My sister found out that I had been in the emergency room and soon after my GF called me. She was pissed off I didn't call her. Then I reminded her that I begged her not to leave as I thought something was wrong. She got quiet and eked out an apology. I got furious and said something rather nasty things.. among them "f-off" and some other unsavory things.

In fairness, I was on dope, still sore, peeing blood and felt like someone had punched me in the gut. Standing was incredibly painful. I needed to take two days off of work & school, I rested in bed and the only thing you can think is "the person who should have been there didn't even believe me."

She's texted me this week a formal apology and wants one in return for saying nasty things to her. I've been avoiding her texts/calls. I've felt like poo poo this week and picked something up in the ER so I laid low, took a few days off work and relaxed. She wants to meet tonight and talk about everything, but I'm still so mad I don't know if I should hold off seeing her.

Is this as big a transgression as I feel like it is? Am I blowing this out of proportion because I felt so lovely?

I just am so annoyed and angry.

tl;dr GF didn't believe me something was wrong and I wound up in the ER with kidney stones and needed a procedure. She was mad that I didn't call her (I was too doped up) and then when I blew up at her she felt bad. I'm still mad at her. Am I blowing this out of proportion?

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


in-laws autistic, so what

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


can't imagine the replies to that one are good

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


My [41M] family [71F, 42F, 40F] are trying to shame me into giving them money, after years of alienation

quote:

Thanks up front Reddit users for reading my long-winded background.

I've always been kind of the goat with my family, and by that I don't mean "greatest of all time." I mean my family always kind of looked down on me and held me to unreasonable expectations. I think it's because other than my dad, I was the only male in the house. I didn't get any special consideration for being the youngest (not that I'd want any), and anyway that was rendered irrelevant once my youngest sister was born. She was sort of the golden child throughout our childhoods, but my oldest sister also had special pride of place for being the oldest kid. I was the middle kid and even though I'm male I got hand-me-downs from my sister as long as the clothes weren't too effemimate. As an adult I can see how that's practical and moneysaving, but as a child it was embarrassing and also hurtful to see your sisters constantly get new clothes and new bikes, while I had to wear girls' clothes and ride hand-me-down girl bikes. Interestingly my younger sister never had to wear hand-me-downs from my older sister.

My mom and sisters pretty much had an easy life while my dad was alive because they just rode him all day long and henpecked him until he died fifteen years ago from a heart attack. He was only 58. Growing up sometimes my dad tried to do special guy things with me but my mom shamed him into stopping it.

I just don't get it, why my mom was always so cynical and negative toward me. My hair was always too long or ugly, I was too skinny, then when I started working out in high school suddenly I was too muscular, then I was too tanned, then too pale, my grades weren't good enough, then once I got into a good school for college, it wasn't "that good." When I earned my degree in business, I was a "wannabe businessman fast food employee," when I got into graduate school for an MBA, it was a "stupid idea," (not like I asked anyone to help me pay for it), etc. Why do you dress like that? You look dumb. Why don't you own a house? Your car is old. No one will respect you.

You know how that goes.

I worked and earned my own pocket money starting at age fifteen with a job at a fast food restaurant, so that's why they all picked on me for working fast food. Eventually I became assistant manager of the restaurant at age twenty one, when I was almost done with college.

My sisters would often mock me for working in fast food, and my mom would too. It wasn't gentle ribbing or teasing, in a loving way. No. It was spiteful insults, trying to hurt my feelings and make me feel small. Speaking of feel small, I'm really tall (6'5") and they also made fun of me for never trying out or being good at basketball or caring about any other sports.

When my dad died he left everything to my mom, which is to be expected, including the house. He left me and each of my siblings ten thousand dollars just as some extra money, on the assumption that my mom would leave the kids everything equally upon her own death many years later. I already knew back then that my mom wouldn't leave me much, if anything, compared to my sisters. My sisters continued to live at home, but once I graduated college I moved across town to my own apartment. They weren't sad to see me go. I've been living on my own ever since. It's been going on almost twenty years now.

I grew up in a rather large house (this was Kansas, where it was possible for a normal dude like my father to own a big home), so when my sisters got married, their husbands moved in, too. Their husbands are both college educated guys but I could tell they enjoyed the idea of not having to pay for their own house or any rent. My dad had built a small guest house behind the home which he always told me would be mine when I grew up, but after he died I could tell my mom had the place earmarked for her daughter and future son in law. My older sister and husband stayed in my former room in the big house.

Well, whatever, right. I had my own thing going. These days I'm regional manager of a mid-sized restaurant chain (not fast food, but close haha) and although I'm not rich, I live quite comfortably. I could afford to put a downpayment on a house but I like the easy freedom of having an apartment. At thirty, I married my long-time girlfriend, who my mother and sisters always hated because she was Jewish and also eight years older than me. "Your girlfriend is too old! She will never have a baby!"

Well, none of them came to my wedding even though they were invited. We actually conceived a baby but my wife miscarried. My mom and sisters found out about it and rather than express any condolences at a woman who just lost a child, my mom and sisters treated me to unsolicted "I told you so" and didn't send my wife so much as a card.

I love my wife, and since we don't have kids, we have French bulldogs. We live in a big bungalow apartment with a yard for them, so whatever. My family mocks me for that, too. Like I'm not a man, because I don't have kids.

It's not like I accuse my sisters' husbands of not being men because they live in their mother in law's house. Everyone does their own thing.

My wife's family is somewhat successful in the furniture business and they're a lot nicer to me than my own family. My mother and father in law offered to buy me a new car (I drive a 2000 Honda Accord which is still in mint shape) just this year but I said no thanks, and they seemed to be impressed that I didn't accept gifts.

Well, after all that background, finally my point.

It seems my sisters and their husbands have had all sorts of business schemes and tried to open their own yoga studio, because I guess my sisters are into that stuff. Sort of the whole "Gee, I like coming to yoga class, so naturally I understand business economics and should open my own yoga studio!"

Personally I thought that the kind of boutique, expensive yoga studio they had in mind was more of a Manhattan or Beverly Hills thing and not a small town thing, but whatever it was none of my business, they never asked my advice, so I never said anything. Plus my sisters' husbands both fancied themselves business savvy (one of them sells insurance, the other works as a new accounts person at a bank) so it's not like my counsel was ever needed.

Of course they failed, and spectacularly so, and my mom foolishly put her house up as collatoral for the business. I'll admit that in a petty way I felt a bit of schadenfreude but overall I was upset especially because both of my sisters have small children (there are nine people living in my old house now).

Now the bank is threatening to take over their house if they don't come up with a certain sum of money.

It's a lot of money, but money that I happen to have, and they know it.

They all approached me with appeals (by phone message and TEXT--they've always known where I live but have NEVER once come to visit me) to how I should be a good brother and son and how "this is what my father would have wanted" and all that. Neither of my sisters' husbands have said a word to me about it and I doubt I'll see one penny of my money back if I "loaned" it to them.

My mom especially has been laying it on thick about how she's an old woman and will be cast out of her "familial home" and all that. She's even gone so far as to hint that my "rich Jewish wife's family" can pony up the dough.

I haven't yet returned any of their calls or texts yet.

I'm still thinking about how they all always have a big Christmas party every year and never invite me or my wife, partly because they don't like me, and partly because they don't like the "Jew." I know that if I confronted them about it they'd say "you're family, you don't need to be invited, just show up," but I know drat WELL they don't want me there.

My wife says it's up to me whether I want to help or not, but she also says that there is power in mercy.

I don't know, though. I think she's bigger than me in that way.

I'm looking for some outside perspectives on what to do here.

Thanks for any advice, Reddit!!!

---------

**TL;DR: my family has always been mean to me. Now they need money and want mine. What to do?**

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


kill the rich

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


she's such a dumbass, jesus christ

murder the husband and if you have enough room under the floorboards, i guess the gf too

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Dazerbeams posted:

Murder the man.

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


you're never really alone if you're with your shawlbro

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


spoon that brother

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


DeadMansSuspenders posted:

My (23m) roommate (25m) of 2 months put surveillance cameras throughout the apartment, says it's for security but they're in my own room too?


it's fine, they're just for security

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Beachcomber posted:

I thought no one liked a Tatty tale?

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


teen witch posted:

tempted for a separate r/legaladvice thread because it’s a loving mess of its own

how intriguingly low on detail

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Licarn posted:

"beating the system" = being the middle-man for money laundering schemes

lmao

Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Beachcomber posted:

Getting them is cheating. Giving them is perfectly fine.

finally, a sensible poster in this thread

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Mx.
Dec 16, 2006

I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!


Better follow that up with Plague Dogs

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