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Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

We've got people!


I've known several people from my tabletop rpg days in grad school who belonged to such social groups where spontaneous orgies were not uncommon. Based on that sample size, everyone in at orgy was either under 90lbs or over 300lbs.

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Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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AITA for not letting someone come to my house because they are gay?

quote:

Throwaway bc it’s not a very common situation...

Ok so I’m not really sure how to say this, but it happened a few months ago, and everyone keeps calling me a bad person for it.

To start, I am a lesbian, from a very anti-LGBT family. One of my friends is also gay, and she is VERY open about it, like her whole life is rainbow themed (I.e. her hair, bags, phone case). And we have been hanging out at like malls and everything, just anywhere but my house, for obvious reasons.

So one day, she suggests we should hang out at my house, since she has never been there for the 5 years we have been friends. I say that I would like her too, but if she would not act so openly gay around my family, because I: 1) don’t want to out myself 2) my family can be dickheads to anyone LGBT 3) they won’t let me be friends with her anymore

And she said that I was trying to discriminate against her and the LGBT community, and how I shouldn’t make her hide her true self. I get where she is coming from, but I have explained my situation to her.

Then, she told all my friends, and they all agree with her that I am an rear end in a top hat. I can’t help but feel lovely, but I can’t change my situation, and I don’t want to make things worse.

So people of reddit, Am I The rear end in a top hat?

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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LanceHunter posted:

I mean, usually. But then again there are things like: "you've got to get sober or I'm leaving", which is the kind of ultimatum that usually comes from the abused.

I believe it was a reference to the Scripture of the Holy Pete.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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1st gen, 2nd gen, and 3rd gen immigrant are all well established terms as described above.

Is this one of those things where a goon has never heard of something and instead of saying "oh I learned something" doubles down on the "it's the kids who are out of touch?"

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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Eldred posted:

I looked at the Reddit thread and strangely the comments are mostly on the side of the parents? Obviously the kid is acting out a bit, but gently caress those parents for burying their head in the sand about their own child.

There were several posters who claim to have been given up for adoption who all said something to the effect of "Those people aren't your family. They have no obligation to have a relationship with you . YTA for lashing out at them in a way designed to cause as much pain as you could rather than constructively process your feelings and reaching out to other biological relations appropriately."

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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Ugly In The Morning posted:

There should be some kind of addendum to that, like “don’t start stuff with someone who’s in a different stage of their life”.

The converse applies as well. If there is a vast age difference and they're at the same stage in life there's a big problem. A more common and less gross example being the college junior and the 28 year old townie who's never fully transitioned to the adult world.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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PetraCore posted:

Abusive families get really good at warping perspectives. If you've grown up with this, it's what you know as 'normal'.

Truth. I didn't begin to realize how hosed up my family was until my dad had a bad enough drug bender to end up in the ICU followed by months of in patient rehab. My parents didn't give a gently caress about engaging with the family therapy, but it was a paradigm shift without the clutch for my siblings and me. It was the kick we needed to start a decade each of individual therapy as we slowly peeled back the layers of what we thought was normal.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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AITA for sending my homophobic grandpa a photo of myself and my partner kissing?

quote:

I [F25] came out as a lesbian to my family four years ago. At the time, I didn’t realize how homophobic my grandparents are, particularly my grandpa. They’re the overly-religious type who think any sexuality but straight is unnatural and against the teaching of the Lord. I have an aunt who’s the same way, as well as my parents; who have those same views to a lesser extent.

Since I came out, I’ve extremely distanced myself from my family, since any relations with them often turns into a lecture or just flat-out bullying. It really upsets me since I used to have a nice relationship with them, but I don’t want anyone in my family who doesn’t want to be there. I occasionally talk with my mom, but I no longer get invited to family functions. When I was 23 I moved across the country, and my life has significantly improved since then.

I recently met a woman, Katelyn, and we moved in together around two weeks ago. At the time, I posted a photo of us in front of our apartment building to my public Instagram page, which I wasn’t aware anyone in my family knew. Well, cue a hateful comment from my grandma, saying how disgusting our relationship was, calling us a number of slurs, and basically saying we both will and deserve to go to hell. It was up for around an hour before I saw it and deleted it. It made Katelyn cry, and mostly just pissed me off.

Well, last Saturday was my grandpa’s birthday, and out of spite I printed a photo of Katelyn and I kissing and sent it to him. Now my mom is badgering me on how horrible that was, how it ruined his day, etc. I know it was immature and not ‘taking the high road’, but they ruined my move and upset my girlfriend. I get that it wasn’t the right thing to do, but AITA?

EDIT: the comment was from my grandma’s account, but she’s the only one with Instagram and I’m sure they were both behind it.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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It's the complete lack of empathy for the girlfriend that makes him the rear end in a top hat. Whether or not the grandma is in control of her actions, those actions have an emotional effect on his partner. If he's not willing to help manage that he has no business.

Order of people I feel sorry for in the story from most to least:
The girlfriend
The grandma
The grandma's caregivers
The worms in the dirt
The dirt
The worm poop in the dirt
That guy

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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They're not the rear end in a top hat for setting aggressive training goals and standards in a literal life saving job. They're the rear end in a top hat for not holding everyone to the same standards.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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What the gently caress is this "in a life saving profession you're an rear end in a top hat for aspiring above the bare minimum competency" hot take?

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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luxury handset posted:

if you think that being a lifeguard is more than just a pool monitor but someone who is bound by sacred oath to drag your drowned rear end out of the water, then please don't look up what legal duty cops or firefighters have to save your life

Ya know, you hadn't even posted when I made my comment but I guess you're right. No person should ever aspire beyond the bare minimum life requires and no instructor should ever push their students past that point. Glad you think it's okay for cops to be lazy because they don't have a duty to protect people.

Reiterating that it's not an rear end in a top hat move for the person in charge of training to set ambitious standards. The rear end in a top hat move is holding different people to different standards. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised that some goons find physical fitness to be the unreasonable part.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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How many goons got caught pissing in the pool for there to be this much lifeguard hate?

e: have some content.

AITA for telling my brother not to want the benefits of family if he won't make the same effort?

quote:


My brother, despite being in his early 30's is still a bit of an edgelord. He's believes in "tough love" and one of his favourite phrases is "you don't owe anyone anything" anytime a situation calls for empathy or a bit of help.

The thing is, we've had a pretty middle class life and graduated college with minimal debt. Our extended family were not so fortunate.

I help out a lot with baby sitting, free tutoring for English and occasionally pay a bill here and there, help out with moving etc.

My brother refuses to help. He thinks that if you can't afford a babysitter, you should haven't kids. If you can't afford a bill, you must be spending like an idiot. Basically he doesn't ask for help and he's doesn't give any help so far.

Which is fine, he's got a reputation as the person that doesn't help and nobody asks him anymore.

However, I feel like there are things you can't pay for. When I was sick with a cold, my aunt who's kids I tutor made me all my favourite foods and wiped down my house. She fussed over me, told me how hard I was working and tucked me into bed.

When I had a flat tire, I posted in the family chat that I didn't have a spare, I had an uncle turn up and my uncle bought me a slice of cake too that my aunt made because I was having a hard day. I could have called Roadside Assistance but they wouldn't bring me cake. It's the little extra things.

When I was in hospital for 4 days, I was brought food since "hospital food was not good enough" and if I was bored or scared or tired, I had someone all the time to just sit with me.

I'm not saying it goes well all the time but the positives outweigh the negatives. Sometimes the exchange isn't always equal but the love is always there and people still give you their best.

But now my brother is complaining about how people don't care about him as much as me.

He thinks he's a nice guy but he's never actually done anything nice. He has a degree, he has a job, he has an apartment and he doesn't cause any trouble- I'll give him that.

But he doesn't go out of his way to help people either so he really only does the bare minimum for an adult.

Recently, my brother has been working long hours and couldn't go to the shops. He wanted my cousin to do his shopping for him. She told him to use Marley Spoon.

He's now upset because when I was working long hours, my cousin makes me food. She loves cooking for people in general but when she had unexpected hardship he refused to help. My family chipped in $5-10 each or rallied in other ways.

I understand he's not obligated to help to but why ask her to do groceries for him?

I told him not to ask for things he's not willing to reciprocate and that it's his fault no one wants to help him. He would have said the same thing in a reverse situation but now he's wondering why my family won't help a nice guy like him who has done nothing wrong. He hasn't done anything wrong but he hasn't done anything "right" either.

He called me a suck up and then hung up on me. WITA?

Soylent Pudding fucked around with this message at 14:45 on May 21, 2020

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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duck trucker posted:

Close all public pools permanently. Let everyone drown in the oceans and lakes like nature intended.

The South closed most of their public pools in the 60s when they were forced to integrate. Growing up in Georgia the only pools were private neighborhood pools in predominantly white neighborhoods. A bunch of parents got the HOA to find private lessons in the neighborhood pool because they were worried about the "safety" and "sanitation" of the pool at the YMCA (because it was used by black people).

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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Future nonwiper spotted.

AITA for sending my parents photos of my brother’s pee?

quote:

The title sounds weird and fake, I’m aware. Bare with me.

I (16f) share a bathroom with my brother Mike (14m). He is the “typical” boy, but ten times worse. He rubs my expensive shaving cream all over the shower wall, leaves toothpaste and his facial hair all over the sink when he shaves or brushes his teeth, spits all over the mirror and leaves it, just gross stuff like that. The worst is that whenever he goes to the bathroom, he leaves his piss and poop in the toilet for everyone. He also pees all over the floor and the seat.

I tried to have a conversation with him about his “bathroom habits” politely. I said “Mike, can you please clean up after yourself? It’s our bathroom, not just yours.” Of course, like the person he is, he tells me I’m being overdramatic. I am honestly getting fed up with it; it’s disgusting, and only getting worse because of quarantine, and I’m sick of having to wipe up sticky floors because my 14 year old brother can’t wipe up his piss. I have tried multiple times to reason with him.

So, I brought the issue to my parents. They said “OP, you’re being dramatic. He’s 14, he obviously flushes the toilet, and everyone makes mistakes sometimes.” Well, his “mistakes” occur twice a day. To prove my point, every time I walk into the bathroom and he has peed on the floor or left his golden liquid and sausage links in the toilet, I snap a photo and fire it off to my mom and dad.

This has been consistently going for three days in order for my parents to cave and discipline him. However, they keep telling me I’m overdramatic, and my mom cussed me out, claiming “it’s just a bathroom and everyone messes up sometimes.”

AITA?

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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AITA for asking my coworker to wear a one-piece bathing suit to cover her Confederate flag tattoo?

quote:

Hey there. So, a few coworkers and I have planned a rafting trip in the coming weeks. I found out that one of my coworkers has a large Confederate flag tattoo on her lower back, and I thought that might cause some problems.

I myself am not a fan of that flag, but we also have some African American coworkers coming with us. Others have also expressed their discomfort in private conversations.

I pulled her aside last week, and said "hey, I understand that you have this tattoo. There are a few people coming who would definitely not be okay with seeing that, so if you do want to come, I'd recommend wearing a one piece, or just covering it somehow." She responded that she just wouldnt come.

Am I the rear end in a top hat for this? I tried to be as civil as possible, but I just wanted to avoid any discomfort during the trip.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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The love shack's rebranding took an interesting turn.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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I had a friend start community college after getting out of the army. They were so loving excited to go school supply shopping because it was the first time in their life they could afford new supplies.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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AITA for telling my student he cannot write about me in his college application essays and for sharing his practice essay with his father?

quote:

I have been tutoring (part-time) a student since he was in 8th grade and he will be applying for college in the fall. His dad is paying me additional fees to be his independent college admissions consultant, so I have been helping him assemble a competitive college admissions portfolio. For a practice exercise last week, I asked him to write an essay describing an unusual life experience and how the experience transformed him.

Now, I have known for a couple years that he is hostile towards me. However, I've known him since he was in junior high and I feel a deep sense of obligation to see him through this stressful experience. The reason he despises me is that he blames me for his parents' acrimonious divorce a couple years ago, even though I had nothing to do with the long-broken relationship that ended inevitably in dissolution. Being a hormonal teenager, my student unilaterally decided I'm the villain without understanding how deeply flawed his parents' marriage was before I even came into the picture. Despite working with a child psychologist for over two years now, he continues to reflexively blame me for the perceived problems in his life.

I read his practice essay this past weekend. He decided to write about his parents' divorce, featuring me as the villain. The theme of the essay was family betrayal. I sat him down (on zoom) and reasoned with him, because he is old enough for me to give him a much-needed dose of reality.

First, I expected him to take the assignment seriously. Second, parental divorce is an unoriginal topic - half of married couples divorce. Third, the essay was focused entirely on his sense of betrayal, without discussion of any personal insight or growth from the experience, compounding the banality of his unserious attempt. I told him if an admissions officer wanted to waste her time reading this drivel, she could just watch histrionic teens complaining on youtube. His essay is the written equivalent of a toddler throwing a tantrum when placed on time-out, without any of the lessons learned from the punishment

I made it clear that he is not to talk about me in his admissions essays. I also told him I would share his essay with his father (since his father is paying for the service) with my concerns. After reading the essay, his father warned him he is not allowed to discuss the divorce or me in his application essays, unless he wants to pay for college and room and board by himself. I also suggested to his father to share the essay with his child psychologist, where discussion of the content would be more appropriate. My student stopped attending our zoom meetings. When I texted him, he replied with vile gifs and memes. I'm sort of at the end of my ropes with him, even though I am deeply invested in his success. I just wish he can see that.

And in the comments She was loving the dad.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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YggiDee posted:

So close: OP is male. HE was loving the Dad. The poor kid learned this by walking in on them.

Ugh. I saw redittors calling the OP "she" and the OP not correcting them in replies so my apologies for misgendering. Guess I didn't dig deep enough.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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chitoryu12 posted:

"Divorce is the nuclear option and has no winners. That's why instead we've decided to just stay on opposite sides of the house from one another and only interact through arguments.""

Oh cool my parents are on Reddit.

AITA for grilling my sons new girlfriend and telling him I don’t approve?

quote:

My son (m20) has been dating a girl he goes to university with for about 6 months now. She’s an international student from New Zealand, but has family here so is staying with them during covid-19. Due to lockdown restrictions and such, we hadn’t met her until a couple nights ago, when I invited her over for dinner with my family. We had FaceTimed a few times but not spoken a lot.

My husband and I are very Catholic and traditional, but spent a lot of our 20s travelling the world, including New Zealand. We visited her hometown so asked her a few questions about it which she happily answered, but when I asked about her Maori heritage and family, became quite uncomfortable and said she didn’t know a whole lot about it which I find hard to believe. We asked her if she was religious, she laughed and said no. We asked her about her degree which she seemed very passionate about, but it’s a fashion degree which isn’t exactly going to get her very far, in comparison to my son who is a law student.

It’s clear she loves my son and it’s mutual, and my other children adored her, but I don’t think she’s the right fit for my son. Her parents were both 16 when they had her, and she’s very open with the fact that they have a strong dislike for each other and haven’t spoken since she was 6 months old. She also seems to have a bizarre relationship with each of her parents.

After dinner she went and played monopoly with my daughters and sons, and made a couple crude jokes, as well as laughing at my son, her boyfriend, when he lost. My son asked me if she could stay, and I said she could as long as she slept in a separate room which he said was ridiculous as they’re both 20 and are living together next year. She decided to leave as she “didn’t feel welcome”.

After she left I told my son I didn’t approve and that I could set him up with a nice girl from my church if he preferred but he said he loves her and was furious I would even suggest it. My other son, who’s 16, heard me and said he really liked her. My husband said that even if I felt like that, I shouldn’t vocalise it because it’s clear my son loves her. I understand that but he should be with someone more suitable for our family in my opinion. AITA?

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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AITA for telling my mother-in-law she's a terrible parent?

quote:

My wife's parents are not accepting of queer folk. They didn't attend our wedding and tried to call DCF on us twice.

I'm not fond of them and I really don't want them in my life but that's not quite my call.

Anyways the other day I get a text from my mother-in-law about how I should enroll our children in a private, Catholic school. I'm an atheist, my wife's an atheist and our oldest (only school aged child) is a pagan.

I told her to kindly gently caress off and stay out of my parenting.

She got pissy at me and started going off about how she had so much more experience parenting than me and I replied "yeah and all of your children hate you, guess you're just a lovely parent, not surprising since you're such a loving disgusting woman you wouldn't attend your daughter's wedding because of your religion though."

She got mad and started calling my wife who didn't answer, then she called my parents who told me I should apologise and be the bigger person.

I don't think I was that harsh but was I TA?

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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AITA for telling my siblings that they'll stop loving their kids someday?

quote:

I'm 36 and my sister and brother are 34 and 37, respectively. They each have 3 children. I have none and never want any. I like being able to travel, spend my money on myself, my pets and charities I support and I don't want to ruin my sex life.However my siblings and my parents act like I'm the most selfish person who ever lived, because I "don't want to experience the magic of motherhood". They call me selfish even though I've helped out both of my siblings financially on several occasions and never asked for the money back.

My family keeps saying ridiculous things like "your boyfriend will leave you if you don't give him a child". When I tell them he's childfree too and if he wanted kids I'd let him go, they usually respond with "you'll end up alone when you're old". This, I think, is particularly scummy. Children should not be seen as a retirement plan. If you have a kid just so you can use him/her in your old age, then you're the selfish one. When I tell them this, they just say that I don't know what I'm talking about.

It had gotten to the point that I stopped visiting my parents and didn't talk to my siblings for nearly a year. But the other day, my sister called and told me she was inviting family over for her daughter's 3rd birthday (lockdown rules have been relaxed in our area) and she would love it if I would be there. I told her I wasn't sure, since anytime I'm in their proximity, they gang up on me and attack my lifestyle choices. She assured me that my personal life would not be brought up.

So I went over to her house with a gift for the birthday girl. All was fine,at first. Then, it happened. My mom commented that I'd make a good mother "if only you'd give motherhood a chance". I stared daggers at my mom, then gave my sister a quizzical look. She looked a bit embarrassed, but then she said " we just want what's best for you. You should probably spend more time with our kids. I'm sure that if you do, you'll change your mind. A lot of people say they don't want kids but then they change their minds when they see how wonderful kids are".

I was loving pissed and decided to just give them a taste of their own medicine. I said "you know a lot of people think they want kids, but then they begin regretting their own kids. So, I don't know, you guys may stop loving your kids someday and resent them for draining your resources." My SIL gasped. Then I left without saying another word. Since then my parents and relatives have been bombarding me with angry texts and calls telling I should apologize for saying "such a horrible thing". I told them they were loving hypocrites as they insult my life choices but can't take it when I insult theirs.

Tell me, am I the rear end in a top hat?

Edit : Some of you have asked if I said this in front of the kids. I didn't. I waited for them to go away. I'm not a kid person , but the last thing I would want to do is traumatize a kid.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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AITA for acting so hugely ungrateful for a gift given to me by my group of friends that they had to change it?

quote:

I have a small group of friends who are a mix of guys and girls, and I am varying degrees of close with them. We usually buy each other a group gift for birthdays as pooling money always means one good gift as opposed to lots of small ones.

For my birthday this year, they gave me my gift via video call and when I received the email, I laughed and said ‘you can’t be serious’. It took me way too long to realise that they were. The gift they got me was a gift card to a lingerie and sex toy shop, emailed over to me by one of the guys I’m not that close to (we are good friends but not cry to him about my ex good friends). I was shocked and then utterly embarrassed because I found it a hugely inappropriate gift to be given. It wasn’t like it was just a group of girls who discuss things all the time.

I then found out they were going to actually buy me a lingerie set and sex toy, and the group was discussing the best ones to buy and my bra size and everything. This made me even more embarrassed and actually quite annoyed. I am by no means conservative and am very open but I thought it to be too far. They ended up apologising and getting me a new gift but the person whose idea it was in the first place said I was being a prude and being too dramatic. So AITA for not just shutting up and being grateful they got me a gift at all?

TLDR: group of mates got me a lingerie/sex toy gift voucher for my birthday which I thought was inappropriate so they had to get me a new gift.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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AITA for bringing up my infertility?


quote:

A little background. I (17f) was born with a semi rare genetic disorder called BPES that affects the eyelids and/or ovaries. I have the type that affects both my eyelids and my ovaries. I don't have any ovarian function (ie, I don't get my period) unless I'm on birth control.

Essentially, I have incredibly low chances of getting pregnant, and I'm attempting to get over this slowly so that I'm not overly upset about it throughout my adult life.

The only problem is that people in my life bring it up a lot. For example, I could be around my siblings (I have an older brother and a younger sister) and my mom will mention how she can't wait for us to have kids. Normally I'll respond with something like "not me" or "I can't so..."

This normally upsets everyone around me, because they insist that because I've never attempted to get pregnant, I wouldn't know if I can or not. Then they all bring up their stories of people they know who were supposedly infertile and still ended up getting pregnant or getting someone pregnant.

The first point is fair enough in my opinion. I won't argue that there is no chance I'll ever get pregnant. But, the fact that they compare my situation to other people who got lucky upsets me, and makes me feel like I have no reason to be upset about it at all.

I have talked to people in my family about how them bringing up me having kids in the future. It isn't always in a conversation with my siblings. Sometimes it is with just my mom, or people in my family saying I would make a good mom.

So, in teenage fashion I guess, I'll get really angry whenever this happens. I'll end up yelling at people for bringing up me having kids. My family will tell my I'm blowing things out of proportion over a simple comment.

AITA for getting angry over a small comment?

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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Y'all really believe this stuff doesn't happen? My family still hasn't accepted my sister isn't going to have children because having children is the purpose of good women who were raised right. They literally told her she didn't need to get a doctoral degree because she should be settling down and raising kids in her late 20s.

This thread is full of people who see someone making a different life choice as a massive personal attack. You can also pop over into the estranged parents thread which chronicles the same behavior plus plenty of "they're so selfish depriving me of my right to be a grandma."

The massive patriarchal expectation of women as baby factories plus people testing different choices as a personal moral judgement makes many of these childfree stories as plausible to me even without having seen this play out with many people I'm close to.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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AITA for “kidnapping” my granddaughter?

quote:

I have a son who is married to a woman who’s quite unstable. She has anxiety and is not in therapy or on medication despite me trying to push her in that direction. She says she tried both for years abs neither worked so she just uses “coping mechanisms” of her own (not drugs or alcohol, nothing dangerous, but I doubt it works.) my son tells me she still has moments of anxiety so clearly it doesn’t work. She was anxious throughout her pregnancy, refused to eat almost any food for fear of some “bacteria” and at this point I became concerned for her mental health but my son told me a lot of pregnant women worry, and it’s normal. I can tell you I never worried, but okay!

When she gave birth she asked us for “space” and said she didn’t want visitors right away. Normally I would be fine with this but I was very concerned about how she would handle her anxiety at a time like this. She is clearly not fit to do this without help, and while my son helps she’s also completely unsupervised during the day when he is at work. I said, look let me take the baby off your hands so you can take a mental health day. She agreed. I took the baby to our house and I did not return her by evening.

My son asked when I would be returning the baby and I said don’t worry this is temporary but until she gets therapy and gets on medication see this as a wake up call. The baby will be safe here while she gets the help she needs. My son yelled at me and said his wife isn’t crazy she just has anxiety but I can list several times I’ve seen her worry about something crazy in just the past year! I have no intention to take custody. I just want her mom to get help.

I had to relinquish my granddaughter because my son threatened to call the police, which was also pretty crazy, but now I’m banned from interacting with the baby “for the forseeable future.” I was not trying to take the baby, I was just providing NEEDED support while her mother was emotionally unstable. Am I wrong here??

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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Yeah, sucks for the mistress and husband was scum. The wife has no obligation at all. But if they felt like they wanted to leave the blameless kid something the best approach would be to set aside proceeds of the sale in a trust in the kids name.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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AITA, I refuse to take responsibility for my daughter's eating disorder(s).

quote:

My(48) daughter(22) has had a laundry list of issues growing up that continued into adulthood. She has severe low self esteem. Every compliment you give her gets shot down by a self-deprecating joke. I'd be lying to say it's not embarrassing at time.

I know I was not the best mom growing up. In my defense, my husband left me when she only 1, with 2 other children and didn't show up until they were adults. It was stressful in every way. But I made sure they had the essentials: shelter, running water, clothes, heat and food.

I have blurted out things to my children in the heat of the moment. I have called my daughter a cow and a fat rear end once or twice in her childhood. Again at least TWICE I've done this. It was not an everyday thing.

My daughter showed weird habits with food throughout childhood. She would hide food in her bedroom. I'd wake up in the middle night and she's been eating while crying. Certain days she would overeat, then the next day refuse to eat. She started bulimia around 14(?).

She started therapy at 19. Recently, her therapist thought it would be beneficial if I joined one of their Zoom sessions to discuss certain things. I was adamant, seeing I knew right away it was going to be daughter blaming me for every problem. She assured me it wasn't.

Obviously, that wasn't the case. She mentioned the comments I made in the past and said she thinks this triggered her habits. Her therapist didn't defend me. At once point I was sick of the blame game, I said very gently, neither of my other 2 children have eating disorders. To say I'm the primary reason she has disorders is unfair. She is using me as a scrape goat instead of addressing the real issue and if she continues to blame me for her issues, she would have disowned me when she could have. Since her attitude is impacting me so heavily, perhaps I need to distance myself from her. I ended the meeting and have not spoken to her since.

I intend to speak to her soon, but hope, if not expect an apology. I need everything possible for my children as a single parent. I am by no means a perfect parent but all 3 are alive and semi healthy.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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These two back to back.

AITA for pulling out of my ‘best friends’ wedding?

quote:

I’m a 23 year old female with a progressive disability. Like MS but slower. Bride is 23 year old female too.

We’ve been friends for 7 years. When she got engaged, she asked another woman who’s she works with for less than a year to be maid of honour. I was hurt but I brushed it off. Then when it came to asking me to be a bridesmaid, she commented that I had to wear heels and walk down the aisle and stand for pictures unaided. I was hurt because she knew about my condition and my needs and completely overlooked them. We argued but made up.

Until now. Her wedding is in February 2021. And I told her I was going to be using a wheelchair by then. I’ve been going back and forth with it for a while. I want my independence back. No pain, no anxiety over walking with my condition. My team at the hospital stated it would be a good idea. I decided it would be for the best. So I told her. She was instantly off to me. Stating how would I go in the car to the wedding, carry a bouquet, get into the building? etc... I gave solutions to those things.

She then ignored my wheelchair. Saying I will walk down the aisle and stand for pictures right?. When I said no, I don’t feel comfortable or fully able to do so; I got back a message saying ‘So your rolling down the aisle on MY wedding day.’ Patronising me and making me feel like crap. ‘It’s a curveball she has to make work for her and her groom. And she loves me.’ The bride to be clearly wasn’t happy, so I asked if it was a problem? She told me that she wasn’t happy. And she doesn’t get it because ‘I can use my legs and can manage fine’ and ‘I want to be independent but yet I’m not using it. All she wants is for me to walk down the aisle and stand for pictures on HER wedding day. After that I could do whatever I want.’ Like it’s that easy. Like my disability is able to turn off and on.

I finally got upset and said ‘if that’s how she feels, I’m not coming.’ Treating me like a thing to stand in their and smile for her day. Putting everything else aside. My health and well-being.

‘This is the one wedding day she’ll ever have. And she tried to fit my disability to work for the both of us. But it always has to be my way! disability doesn’t make a person who they are...Their attitude does.’ Ripping apart my acceptance of my condition. Because I’m doing what’s right for me, I have a bad attitude.

I can’t believe after seven years of friendship, she’s put her one special day over a supposed ‘friend’ and her health. Like she’s ashamed of anyone to see me in a wheelchair. It will ruin her memories of the day. I will ruin it just by disabled. Ashamed of me, which obviously made me feel ashamed for wanting a wheelchair. Unlovable. Unworthy. Ugly. Someone that has no business being at a beautiful event because I’m disabled. She removed me off everything basically saying I’m selfish to do this on her wedding day.

Am I the rear end in a top hat for dropping out of my best friend of seven years wedding?

WIBTA if I asked my friend to decorate her wheelchair for my wedding day?

quote:

My best fried recently got into an accident and lost her ability to walk for "long" periods of time (idk how to phrase it. She can stand, walk a few steps but if she does so for more than a few minutes it hurts her A LOT). It's been a rough couple of months and I have done everything that a friend can do even tho I wished I could do more. But because of current circumstances more than skyping and playing online DND is not really in question.

If everything goes according to plan I am going to get married in spring '21. Of course my best friend will be in her wheelchair by then too.... Because... Well this is permanent. She is still my matron of honor I won't be asking her to stand in pictures nothing. But I was wondering if it would be insensitive to ask if we could decorate her wheelchair. It is not ugly. It is just a normal wheelchair. But I think it would be pretty if we could put some flowers matching with the theme on it. Of course no where were it could damage the chair. Also no painting of the chair or permanent alterations of any kind.

So would I be the insensitive rear end in a top hat if I ask her if we could decorate the chair together for my wedding?

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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I believe the original was posted here way back:

UPDATE: AITA for raining on my cousin's parade regarding the name she picked out for her baby?

quote:

My post last summer wasn't the most exciting or dramatic on AITA, but I wanted to provide an update if anyone is interested.

Baby Karen was born healthy and happy back in October. She's an absolute sweetheart of a baby, and I'm totally in love with her. Between March and May, I didn't get to see her at all in person, but I was doing regular FaceTime/House Party calls with Stephanie and Karen, and over the last few weeks, I've been going over to Stephanie's house to sit in her backyard and chat with Stephanie/coo at Karen from a lengthy distance.

I have two reasons for updating. First, I've realized since Karen's birth that her name has taken on new meaning to me. When I'm with her, Karen just means her, and I don't think about the other connotations. In other words, you guys were right!

That said, though, my second reason for updating is that Stephanie got back into her years-unused Facebook at the beginning of the pandemic to keep in touch with people. She's been on it pretty regularly lately for the first time in years (historically, she's not really been into social media). Most people in our area/social circle have been posting really heavily about BLM and the protests happening right now, as well as racial justice issues more generally. As a result, Stephanie has now come into contact with a deluge of Karen memes for the first time, and found them confusing and horrifying, especially the use of "Karen" as shorthand for a racist. I've basically just declined to talk about it with Stephanie, because it went so poorly last time, but both my mother and her mother have hounded me about it because it's upsetting to Stephanie, and said things like, "Is this what you were talking about before? Why didn't you say so? Why didn't you explain it better?! You should have told Stephanie!!"

And Jesus wept!! You really can't win.

Thanks again for all your feedback on my last post! It was very helpful in giving me some Zen about the situation.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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The manager was pronouncing their last name correctly and the polish fluent rear end in a top hat is wrong. At this point it's not a Polish word, it's a Polish loanword that's been through several generations of anglicization.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

We've got people!


AITA for wanting my gf to cook meat?

quote:

Dating for 5 and a half years, living together for 2.

My girlfriend and I both work. I work a standard 9-5 mon-fri while she works 3 days a week, around 45 hours and studies from home for the moment due to the pandemic. So she's home 4 days a week, so obviously she cooks dinner. What's driving me nuts is that she won't cook meat.

If I say I want curry for dinner, she'll make a vegetable and tofu curry. Pasta? All vegetables. And before you ask, she's not vegetarian. She just doesn't like touching meat and wants to be more "sustainable" (she drives a car) and tells me that if I want meat I need to cook it myself. Wtf?? I work 5 days a week. The way I see it is that whoever is staying home all day should cook dinners. Why should I work 8 hours just to come home and cook? All my colleagues bring in leftovers of spaghetti and meatballs or beef stew and I get fried rice and orange tofu, and when my colleagues see they ask when I'm going to grow my man titties because soy is full of women hormones or whatever. I'm sick of it.

AITA?

TLDR: Gf won't cook meat. I want steak.



Edit: Great, I think she found this thread. She's giving me the cold shoulder now so thanks, Reddit.

Edit 2: Fantastic, I've been dumped through a Reddit comment. gently caress this poo poo.


Guess the spoiler before you read the top comment

quote:


*Sigh*

This is a throwaway because I do not want this associated with my main account so here we go...

(I'm the girlfriend, by the way)

Hi babe,

To summarise, you are a huge, wide, gaping rear end in a top hat. Truthfully, it was brave of you to post this here knowing how much time I spend reading this sub.

If you had just kept your mouth shut and eaten dinner instead of posting here, I never would have known that you view me as a 'glorified babysitter', so thank you for that. You would think that if you want for people to side with you, you'd make an effort to come across as a decent person.

There are a few details you missed out, and a few that you're completely wrong about.

I'm a residential care worker. That is my job title. I work with a family of 4 siblings who have been removed from their family due to sexual abuse. Yes, 3 of them are at school Monday to Friday. We still need to look after the toddler, cook nutritious meals, clean the house, fill out case notes, plan activities, and basically act as parents to these kids. It's hard, sometimes we deal with challenging situations such as aggression and violence, which you already know since I came home with a black eye a month ago. Is that what babysitters have to deal with? Didn't think so.
Yes, I work 3 days a week. I study for 3 as well, and lately it has been from home. I have 4 lots of 2 hour lectures along with writing a thesis and other assignments. The time I spend studying/watching lectures/writing my thesis/doing assignments totals roughly 25-30 hours a week, depending on how motivated I'm feeling.
I also volunteer 1 day a week for 8 hours.
You do not cook on your days off. This is something we have discussed many times. You say you'll do it next week and you never do.
You say you work 9 'til 5. You've come home at 3:30 every day this week, and the week before that. Which most likely means you've been leaving the office at 2pm. 5 Hours is a big day, huh?
It's not my fault that you can't handle being seen with a container of tofu. That sounds like a *you* problem.
You loved the lentil bolognaise I made tonight.
This isn't working out.
And something that you really should know that I think you'll love is that I cook meat for the kids at work. So eat poo poo.

Regards,

Your soon to be ex girlfriend.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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She sucks because she says she deliberately plays it up to provoke the DIL. So yes, she bears responsibility for fully channeling the southern passive aggressive instead of defusing conflict maturely.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

We've got people!


Maybe y'all non southerners aren't so familiar with the cloyingly sweet passive aggressive hatred that properly raised southern matriarchs unleash on anyone challenging their sense of propriety by daring to make a different life choice.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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The Bramble posted:

The DILs current life choice is to live with her MIL and be financially supported by her while engaging in passive aggressive warfare because her MIL lives in a different style than what she approves of. She's also getting her rear end handed to her by a MIL who is far more patient, cunning, and clever at being passive aggressive than she is. Don't start none, won't be none.

You consider the MIL a much more reliable narrator than I do, having grown up around southern ladies such as her.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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AITA for avoiding my sister this Christmas and it costing her $10k?

quote:

On mobile, apologies.

My (42M) sister, Amy (50F) has ignored my wife, Jane (40F) for twelve years. Amy was upset we didn’t Skype when we got engaged. Amy thought as the oldest she should be the first to know. I am the baby of the family. During the wedding planning Amy got upset over the size of Jane’s ring and accused us of having an over the top wedding to “show off.” Amy eloped broke just out of college so I shrugged it off as jealousy. My wife and I both have professional degrees, married in our 30s, and Jane’s family contributed a significant amount to the wedding (her family is wealthy where mine was lower middle class). Because of this jealousy Amy‘s family (husband, 3 sons) boycotted our wedding.

Being in the military I do not see my extended family often -usually funerals and weddings. In the last 5 years we have had 7 deaths in the family. Amy has consistently ignored my wife at each funeral despite my wife doting on her children and engaging in small talk with our brother in law. Jane sends birthday and Christmas gifts, despite being Jewish, whereas Amy has never sent Jane a gift. Last Christmas Amy addressed a card to us as “Adam Smith and Family.” (Name changed for anonymity). It really upset Jane.

For Hanukkah this year we have a very specific vacation planned. It is bought and paid for and Jane already has her leave approved from the hospital. It is also a vacation she could take alone in case the military does not approve my leave due to COVID. Amy found out through our brother (M45) and has decided her family will come too so that she and Jane can bury the hatchet. Jane has said recently that after more than a decade the window for repairing this relationship has closed and in her mind Amy does not even exist anymore. Tbh I think the Christmas card was the last straw. Amy booked Christmas dates. Jane and i booked Hanukkah dates because, spoiler alert: we celebrate Hanukkah. Amy would know this is she had attended our Jewish wedding.

AITA if I do not correct her dates? We will be leaving 6 days before Amy and her family arrive and our vacations will not overlap at all.

Jane does not know about Amy’s plans but since I now have flight and hotel confirmation I can show Jane that Amy is serious about crashing our vacation. Jane has been so patient all these years and this year has been working the COVID unit at her hospital. She deserves a dream vacation free from any stress. As much as I love and tolerate my sister, Amy just was not invited. I do feel bad because for the five of them to join us during the holidays is costing them nearly $10,000. My brother thinks it is hilarious and Amy deserves to be punked, but there’s a part of me that feels bad. I think I’ll feel worse if Amy finds out the real dates and ruins Jane’s time off.

TL;DR My sister is mean to my wife and is trying to join us on vacation but she booked the wrong dates and I am not going to correct her despite it costing her $10,000.

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

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Literally A Person posted:

My boyfriend really wants me and my friends to be sexually assaulted, is this normal?

Unfortunately yes.

AITA for not wanting to be walked down the aisle at my wedding?

quote:

My fiance and I are planning to marry this December. It is going to be a small and intimate affair with only friends and family being invited. My parents insisted that we have huge wedding and also insisted that they pay for it "because it's traditional". However both my fiance and I believe that big weddings are a waste of time and money and we also don't feel comfortable letting someone else pay for it. So we're going ahead with the small wedding. My parents were upset about this but begrudgingly accepted it.

I've always hated the idea of a woman being "given away" by her father at her wedding, as if she's a piece of property. I'm not an extension of my father. When I let my dad know that I was going to walk down the aisle by myself to marry the man I love, he was enraged. He said that I was their only daughter and I was robbing him of his moment. I calmly told him it wasn't about him and he needed to stop being selfish. My fiance backed me up and let my dad know that he doesn't get to walk me down the aisle without my enthusiastic consent.

My dad and mom refused to see reason and told me he and said if I refused to follow tradition they would not come to my wedding. I told them it was up to them. We would like it if they would come but I was not going to compromise on my beliefs to satisfy my dad's ego. They left in a huff.

Now I've got other family members calling me and telling me I'm heartless. My 2 brothers have been wonderfully supportive, but my parents are making me out to be some kind of monster.

What do you guys think? Am I the rear end in a top hat?

Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

We've got people!


Someone said that in the comments, but the cat is the flowergirl and the dog is the ring bearer or something like that.

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Soylent Pudding
Jun 22, 2007

We've got people!


AITA for not caring how I smell?

quote:

My bf (24m) asked me (20f) for weeks to come and spend the remainder of lockdown with him. I picked up some basic toiletries from the supermarket as my younger sisters use my products at home and I didnt want to leave them with nothing.

He didnt like the scent of the body wash I picked up, so I ordered some new expensive ones from the brand that makes his fave perfume.

A few weeks later his younger sister (9) came to stay and used them as they were in the bathroom. I guess she really liked the smell because i overheard him telling her she could take them home if she wanted (did not ask me first - I wouldn't have minded giving her some in a separate container).

At no point after she left did he tell me that she had taken them, I only knew because I overheard. So I used my previous products again and after a few days he began complaining about the scent again. I told him i couldn't find my previous products and he told me to just order more. That annoyed me.

I told him I knew he gave them away and that im not spending more money. That's literally all I said on the matter. He became super defensive and said I was living with him rent free so I had no right to complain. I told him I am not living with him, I have a home, and that I was a guest in his house after he begged me to come and stay. I also pointed out that I offered to cover the cost of food or any increase in bills due to my presence which he had refused.

Its been a week and he's been complaining non stop about my body wash and saying that I'm being a bitch for not using something else. AITA?

Thanks everyone, good to know im not crazy. I'm home now and I've broken up with him :)

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