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QuarkJets posted:Can the mods please confirm the rumors that everyone is talking about? Please be true. 
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Jan 13, 2020 06:52
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I'm thinking of cutting all contact with my sister (25) and mom (52) after a lifetime of abuse and a horrible family fight which resulted in two car chases and several dangerous incidents Hey Reddit. Yesterday was one of the worst experiences of my life. Sorry beforehand for my somewhat incoherent writing, but I'm tired and devastated as I'm writing this. As you've already read the title, let's just jump to the story. It's a long one, because it has to be. My childhood was very abusive, physically but especially mentally. I didn't know about the term back then but I now understand that what my mom did to me, my dad, my sister and even her own mother would be labeled as psychological terror and abuse. My dad and his mother tried their best to protect me and my sister but for many reasons we never really got away from my mom. My dad would try to run away with us when things got real bad but we always ended up staying, we loved and cared for her after all. She's a person that's extremely manipulative and that I've (and probably others around her) always felt sorry for. She has eating disorders, a chronic illness (which I unfortunately also have), no friends, almost no family and a manic and harsh attitude towards most things in life. When I was in my early teens my parents actually divorced, which felt like a gift from the gods to me since I saw a way out through living with my dad. Their separation was extremely messy and only lasted for a few months, then they were back together. My dad has always been easy to manipulate for my mom and he basically did as she commanded. Then they got divorced again and to my extreme horror I ended up living with my mom. She made up lies about my dad that made me question whether he really loved me and she also forbade me to stay with him. But it gets messier, my sister (she's three years older than me) has always been very much like my mom and she immediately moved in with my dad. My sister didn't want me staying there and threatened and physically abused me if I ever were to go near their apartment. I was stuck with my mom. It was hell, but it resulted in us creating a strong bond to one another. It's true what they say, about hard times bringing people together. I moved out at 16 to go to a different school in another city but I remained financially dependent on my parents. Fast forward to now. I live with my girlfriend in a city quite far away from my hometown, we're very happy together. Throughout the years I've fought really hard to maintain a relationship with all of my family members, but every once in a while they release a hellstorm on me if I do something they don't like. If I dress too masculine, take a uni course they don't like or have friends they don't approve of they will try to disown me and then expect me to come crawling back in order to be on good terms with them again. I've endured all of this in order to have a relationship with them, and living far away from them have also made it easier. About a week ago me and my girlfriend went to live with my mom for a couple of weeks during our summer vacation, we had been invited and everyone seemed to look forward to it. Living with my mom usually goes quite well if you keep to yourself and make sure the house is tidy, since she has some kind of OCD. For the first few days it all went according to plan. We did some trips and activities together and everything seemed to be in order. But when we said good morning to her one day during breakfast she just looked at us and didn't answer. This went on for a few days, we did everything to keep her happy. We asked how she was feeling, kept out of the house, cleaned the house and did her favors. One day she just left and didn't come home. We were worried and I asked my sister if she knew where my mom was - she did. My mom had went to stay in my grandmother's apartment in a different town, apparently she couldn't take one more minute with us. At this point both me and my girlfriend felt that we had to leave early and go back to our place, you can only take so much bullshit and I felt scared of what could happen if my mom would get mad. My sister had already started bombarding us with threatening and horrible messages that basically said we had hurt my mom's feelings and that we were a piece of scum. We were originally supposed to stay in my family cabin with my grandmother this weekend and she has no signal there (and therefore there's no way of contacting her) so we took the car to go tell her that we were going home so she wouldn't have to sit around waiting for us. On our way there my sister turned up in her car and started chasing us, she also provoced and scared us by trying to push us out of the road with her car. She drove away and I thought she had gone home to my dad to try to convince him to join their campaign of hate against us (the normal procedure in my family). When we get to the cabin my sister is there. My grandmother and sister starts saying we are weak pieces of poo poo and that I'm being controlled by my girlfriend, who they call abusive. My girlfriend starts crying and my sister laughs at her. I tell them that they're impossible to reason or talk to. We try to leave but my sister runs after us. I lose my cool and show her the middle finger and tells her that it feels like they're not satisfied until I'm dead (they know I suffer from suicidal thoughts from time to time) and she asks me if I'm really going to do it with some twisted tone of happiness in her voice. We drive to my dad's house and he tries his best to take care of us as we're crying. My mom calls, one of the worst phone calls (if not the worst) of my loving life. She tells me I should slit my wrists, that my girlfriend is a psychopath (because she suffers from anxiety I guess?), that I'm a coward for not wanting to fight with them, that if I leave they will never forgive me and that I will have to choose between my family and my girlfriend. I keep my calm and tell her how I feel but she seems to be psychotic, which is ironic since she tried to convince me during the whole call that me and my girlfriend is psychotic and that we need to go the ER immediately. We hang up. My dad, who is appalled by my moms behavior at this point, tells us that we have to leave and that nothing good will come from talking to them anymore. We agree and start driving home (it's like a 7 hour drive). As we're driving it seems like everyone is trying to get a hold of us, my sister, my mom and both their live-in boyfriends. Their abusive words echoes in my head. After two hours we spot my moms car on the road, she's going in the opposite direction but turns her car around and starts chasing us just like my sister did before. She points her middle finger at us while looking at us with the craziest eyes and then proceeds to overtake our car. My girlfriend is screaming for her life and I just try to avoid colliding into her car as she suddenly brakes, forcing us to pull our car to the side of the road. She jumps out of her car, forces the car door on my side open and starts tugging at me. She tried hitting me but pulls out the car keys with great force instead, all while my girlfriend is screaming and my mom tells me "not to loving play around with our family". She drives away in her own car with our car keys and leaves us stranded by a deserted road, unable to go anywhere. We're crying, scared that she will come back and beat the living hell out of us (unfortunately a realistic scenario in my family). I call up my dad who starts driving to pick us up, but he's two hours away. We sit by the cold, deserted road for over two hours before help (if you can call it that) arrives in the form of my mom's boyfriend who tries to talk us into going back to my hometown. He says he'll try to get the key back from my mom and actually manages to do just that. We start driving, extremely afraid, and arrive at our apartment at 4am. Today I blocked both my mom and my sister on social media, since they've sent the nastiest texts I've ever received. Me, my girlfriend and my dad is in great shock - things like this have happened several times before in my life but it was a while ago now and experiencing it with my girlfriend (who stood up for me and called bullshit on the situation) kind of opened my eyes to this abuse. Is it worth cutting off all contact with my family over this? And how do I go about it? How do you manage to actually stay away when you've been brainwashed not to? I found out what they were mad about from the beginning. They thought I didn't hang out with them enough, and that I don't visit as often as I should. So they're basically mad because I have my own life. TL;DR: Me and my girlfriend of 9 months visited my hometown and stayed at my moms place, we were abused and treated badly by my mom and my sister and then tried to leave which resulted in two car chases and a horrible situation. 
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Jan 13, 2020 06:55
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bell jar posted:Here's Dog Heelys I went back and looked at the Dog heely comments: My 70 pound Dutch Shepherd would freak the gently caress out if I ever tried any kind of "dog shoes". He does not bite but I might almost understand if he did bite me on the rear end for giving him dog roller skates that light up. In OP's defense, the dog rollerskate market probably isn't very saturated. my husband suggested they should do it anyway, for the tax writeoff of the business losing money. I have an idea. Tennis racquets for cats. I believe this is a $12 billion a year industry. How much would you like to invest? He probably realized the degree you got was a waste when you came up with dog skates. Response: Maybe it was from the University of Phoenix or ITT Tech.
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Jan 13, 2020 07:04
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SCROTO TURBOSPERG posted:oh, that old chestnut I know I should not have skipped ahead on the last thread. 
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Jan 13, 2020 07:05
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Miss posted:never change, reddit Counterpoint: My [26M] with my girlfriend [25F] and her weird Nazi fetish. She wants me to dress up like an SS officer during sex. This came up last night and I've had a hard time getting on a grip on its since. I'm just going to say it outright, my girlfriend is Jewish. I was raised Catholic. I've been going steady with my girlfriend for two years now. I honestly love her. We've been through a lot of trauma (the death of her sister and my mother) and have really grown through it. We always have sex a little on the kinky side (handcuffs, that sort of thing) but lately my girlfriend has been wanting to take it to the next level and we agreed roleplaying could be kind of fun. I asked her what her biggest fantasy is and she said that she used to masturbate to a fantasy that she was being tortured by a Nazi. She said she'd really like it if I could dress up like an SS officer and "force" her to have sex. This really, really, really makes me uncomfortable, and now in a "I can't do that fetish" sort of way, but in a "I'm not sure I can continue this relationship" sort of way. What do I do? Am I overreacting? Is this harmless or does she need counseling? tl;dr: My girlfriend has a Nazi fetish Sick and depraved. I mean who still calls dating exclusively “going steady”? Also, the Nazi thing The comments are interesting: “This isn't that strange at all. The SS uniform has been sexuilzed for a long time, hit up any bdsm website and your sure to run into a stylized version of the uniform. Hell in any war based anime there will be at least 1 chick in a SS based uniform.” It is in my cartoons so it is okay? “That's like a once in a live time chance. You have to give it a shot” So, in conclusion, please change Reddit. Please.
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Jan 13, 2020 12:28
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Ziv Zulander posted:Is there anybody out there with a Soviet fetish? I’d be down for dressing like a red army officer during sex Sounds like a counterrevolutionary bourgeoisie affectation to me.
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Jan 13, 2020 12:41
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Ziv Zulander posted:Listen buddy, I’ve already got my mosin oiled up and ready to go, if you’ve got any better ideas for what to do with this thing then I’m all ears You can do whatever you want with that big shiny thing commissar daddy. 
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Jan 13, 2020 12:51
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Endless Cycle of Bad Luck; Inexperienced as a Result Yo yo yo what up Famela Anderson’s and Homie Lee’s? It goes on but I already hated this person too much to continue.
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Jan 13, 2020 17:24
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ad090 posted:My best friend of seven years just confessed he's had feelings for me for six of the years. I hate these people. Instead of dumping on them years of pining over them and dumping out emotional turmoil while they re-examine every previous interactions why don’t you just, you know, ask them out and see what they say.
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Jan 13, 2020 18:37
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As Sherlock has his Moriarty I have found the pure concentrated essence of anti-Pete. Also presumably the pope and an antipope are dating because there is some mutual excommunication too. Also, I would warn that as the sainted Pete is succinct and direct the anti-Pete thinks he is John Galt. Me [33M] and my ex [26F] have violently excommunicated each other days before rekindling and I'm crushed. Was it the right choice? Was I a victim in an abusive relationship? HELP! Hey, everyone. This is only my second time posting on here and I do so because I'm hoping I can find at least some form of release or closure to what was an incredibly tumultuous relationship. I guess I'll start at the very beginning. And I'm going to try and be as unbiased as possible, listing incidents of my own failings as well as my ex's. This is going to be very long. I met my now ex-girlfriend, who we'll call Jennifer (and who might be reading this right now), nearly 2.5 years ago. When we met it was just supposed to be a hookup on craigslist. The first night we had together was, to be frank, illuminating. Even though it started as just a random sex, the way in which we connected during that night felt so right and so incredible that I really do believe it was true love. We continued to see each other for sex but I took her out to dinner, we hung out and talked, and eventually after a couple of weeks I asked her to be my girlfriend, which she joyously and enthusiastically accepted. Jennifer was pretty much my dream girl: sexy, funny, smart, incredibly sweet and thoughtful, and with a ridiculously high sex-drive. And on top of that our interests, opinions, and humor were all very much on the same page. We very quickly began calling each other "our person" because we felt that we were literally made for each other. However, around this time behavior started cropping up that made me suspicious of her. She had continually referred to how much better a person I was than her ex-boyfriend. When I visited her place for the first time, there was a note on her fridge about how great Jennifer was and it was "Love, Carlos". At this point in time, I didn't know the person we'll call Carlos was her ex-boyfriend. I learned his name when he called her phone at one point, it popped up on her screen, and she said, "Ugh, it's my ex." I started noticing Jennifer would take her phone with her every time she went to the bathroom and, in addition to this, at one point I had given her flowers that she placed on her kitchen table. On a subsequent visit, they had vanished and when I asked where they were, her response was, "Oh, I was cleaning and I put them in the closet," after which she proceeded to retrieve them. All of these things made me suspicious and culminated in my checking her phone one night and finding text messages to Carlos calling him things like "handsome boyfriend", which were pet names she also used on me. I confronted her on it, admitting that I felt guilty about looking at her phone without permission, and she admitted that she had been cheating on Carlos with me and expected me to dump her right then and there, going on to say what a horrible person she was. I told her she wasn't horrible and that she needed to break up with him. What followed was her supposedly breaking up with him, his attempts to spend time with her, and events that I found incredibly suspicious to the point of checking on her phone for evidence again or experiencing anxiety-riddled panic attacks (my fear of losing Jennifer was immense). Here are some examples: - After spending lots of time at Jennifer's place and spending the night, I had taken to keeping toiletries there and had created lots of artwork for her, which she displayed on her frontmost sliding closet door. She also had a picture of me in a mail-receptacle in her kitchen. She had also allowed me to have a key to her place. On her birthday, a day that we were not planning to hang out due to her job and school schedule, I figured I'd surprise her by leaving her gifts on her kitchen table and then heading home. When I got to her place, though, my picture had been taken out of the receptacle and hidden behind it, my artwork relocated to the backmost sliding closet door with the frontmost door in front of them, and all of my toiletries hidden away. I freaked out and called her at work and she told me she'd come talk to me and said that she wanted her place to feel like "her place" again and was worried about how much of my stuff was around: she just needed a little breathing room. She scolded me for coming into her place without her permission and said she didn't want it to happen again because it felt like such a violation of privacy. We went to bed but I couldn't sleep and in checking her phone found a sent e-mail to Carlos saying that she couldn't hang out tonight, sent during the time in which she was walking home. She told me that she wasn't going to hang out with him anyway and that my chance being there had no bearing on it. - A show that Jennifer and I had planned to go to was also one of Carlos' favorite bands and we decided together that we would not go, despite having tickets. On the same night of the show, Jennifer told me she had a dinner with her professor and the other T.A.'s in her class, so we couldn't spend the night together anyway. After seeing that recently on her Spotify it had said she was listening to the same band, and already paranoid about her potentially going to the show with Carlos, I ended up frantically calling her during the time that would have been the dinner she was having, without getting any response. Eventually she called me back and scolded me saying that this wasn't acceptable behavior. When asking later if she had gone to the show, she said she hadn't. - At one point, after it had been established that contact with Carlos had ceased, were spending a morning together, and Jennifer said that she had to go home around lunch to work on homework. While shopping, I glanced over her shoulder to see that she was texting Carlos to let him know she'd be home in about an hour and a half. I confronted her with this, at which point she got completely silent and said she didn't want to talk about it, eventually breaking down and saying she'd been spending time with him again and she had felt like she cheated on me. Again, said she would just leave and I told her that I didn't want her to go. - Jennifer said one night that she was going to be studying and working on her computer and whenever she was working she would usually log on to Steam where we would just lightly chat back and forth. After a considerable amount of time after I thought she should be home and didn't show up on Steam, I had an anxiety attack and ended up driving to her place to see her pulling up in her car. She said that had just gone to pick up snacks from the market, which she did have in her car, and I apologized for freaking out and was scolded but she didn't mind that I spend the night. Suffice to say by this point I was incredibly paranoid about anything Jennifer was doing on her phone and the compulsion to check it or her calendar in her place where she wrote down dates, or anything else when she was not near it was high, as well as being incredibly anxious when we weren't together. For Christmas, Jennifer said she was going home out of state for the holidays and while driving me to my condo (and leaving for her hometown) her phone rang listing Carlos' number. I told her that I thought she blocked him and she said she didn't pick up his calls. This discussion was quickly ended as she left for the holidays, leaving me feeling very worried about the situation. Later on a phone call, she suggested that we take a break and we ended up not having heavy communication over the course of Christmas and the new year (due partially to her phone having problems). Later it was confirmed by Jennifer that she only spent Christmas at home and was back at her place during New Year's but did not tell me. On her return we were very happy to see each other again and culminated it with lots of sex. Things were smooth for several weeks until Jennifer became pregnant. Leading up to Christmas, she had grown frustrated with her recurring skin problems and believe they were caused by her birth control. She resolved to switch and during the interim she enjoyed "dangerous sex" with me, which I protested a few times due to fear of pregnancy. According to the our calculations, conception would've been on the night she and I had reunited. During this time Jennifer asked me to indulge her in the fantasy of us having a child/ both of us felt strongly that we would be good parents and did like the idea of having children one day (in fact, Jennifer was the only woman I've dated who I could look at and think, "I'd like to have children with you). My reaction to this was mostly worried and fearful and was uncertain as to whether we would be keeping it or not. Any time Jennifer would get excited over baby things, I would become worried and what gradually happened was us not talking about it very much. There was a particularly tumultuous incident in which a friend of mine, who I confided in, had asked what pregnancy was like and when I asked Jennifer about it she became insulted and upset that someone would be asking something like that when we weren't keeping it. I was surprised because I was still uncertain if we were and I think that Jennifer knew we weren't keeping it but wanted to hold on to the fantasy for a little while. Meanwhile, I was unresponsive and not supportive, and left pretty much everything up to her. She did schedule to have an abortion and I asked if she wanted me to come with her, which she refused. She said her mother was coming out to go with her. Feeling left out of the situation, it did not hit me very hard and it didn't really register to me what Jennifer had no gone through. This caused intense sadness between us, coupled with her own sadness over the decision to abort. We came out of things starting to feel better and had planned a trip to her hometown to go to the zoo and a renaissance fair, just as a little "us" vacation, which we were going to take in late February (if I remember correctly). However, on Valentine's Day, which we were not going to spend the evening together (something that I actually do not remember agreeing upon but which Jennifer said we had), she left for class while I tidied up the bed and such. I looked at her calendar for March which listed a trip to Hawaii during spring break. This was odd to me because she hadn't mentioned such a trip but I wondered if maybe she was going with her father (they had gone to Italy together before so it didn't seem out of place). However, while tidying, I noticed a slip of paper sticking oddly out of boxes in her closet. I investigated it and it turned out to be a ticket to Hawaii, listing her name and Carlos'. I flew into a rage, packed up my clothes and all of my things and later over the phone angrily told Jennifer that I didn't deserve this sort of treatment, which she agreed. She swore that Carlos gave it to her as a Christmas gift and that she wasn't going to go. What followed was a soft breakup, in which she apologized profusely and said she was so sad because she knew she wasn't good enough to keep someone as amazing as me. In a letter that she wrote me later, she asked if we could still go on our zoo trip, even if it marked the end of our relationship. I agreed. The trip was tense as my mindset was not good but we tried to have a good time. Leading up to around the time the Hawaii trip would have been, Jennifer spent a lot of time going back to her hometown. One night, before leaving, we saw a concert together and, as always, I held her ID. I dropped her off at home and then headed home myself, knowing she would be leaving for the weekend but forgetting I had her driver's license. The weekend passed normally and on the returning Monday I tried multiple times to contact her but did not receive responses. Worried, I detoured to her place to find her car parked there, with a box of boots of some kind, an airplane pillow, and a scuba diving book in the backseat. I knocked on her door but found no answer, and repeatedly called her phone. Eventually she picked up, and I asked where she was, to which she replied that she was driving back to her place from her hometown. I mentioned that her car was at her place and she said she had a rental. I questioned how she rented a car without a driver's license and she said she had no idea: they just let her. I also mentioned the items in her car, which she got angry about and said we could talk about it later. That night a heated discussion about her going to Hawaii ensued, in which multiple times she insisted she was not going. Before entering her place, I checked her car again and the boot box had been rotated so that I could clearly read "dive boots". She said that she had moved the box to see if I would snoop in her car again, and said that kind of behavior wasn't acceptable. I asked for proof about her not going to Hawaii and why she had all these items and she claimed that she had picked them up because I had been playing scuba-diving games lately and that we might want to try scuba diving. Unconvinced, I asked to see her phone. She refused. I also asked when it was she was supposed to go to Hawaii and she said she didn't even remember: she had thrown her calendar away. Later, I found the calendar under her sofa. I pushed over and over again to see her phone and she refused over and over. I finally stated that I couldn't deal with this and that we couldn't continue. The next day she came over to my place and we broke up. In recounting it later, Jennifer states that I broke up with her, though my memory is a lot of her telling me that I'd be okay and find someone better than her. I spent more time crying than she did if I remember correctly. She then left. The next day she texted me saying her therapist was out of town and she missed me. I told her that right now it probably was better if we didn't talk. The week that her Hawaii trip would have been began and we didn't speak. I began posting on craiglist again and was surprised to get an e-mail in response to it from Jennifer, saying that she was sorry about everything and that I'd find an amazing person better than her and one day I'd forget about her and that it was for the best. I responded telling her how much I missed her (which I did) and decided to spend some time together. I went over to her place after work and found black sand in her tub, a boar's skull on her dresser, and a volcanic rock fragment in her kitchen. I asked why all these things were here and she said she had gone camping with her brother in Flagstaff over spring break. This turned into another push to see her phone, as she insisted she didn't go to Hawaii, even showing me her phone's call log to show that she had received calls from Hawaii from Carlos, reasoning why would she be getting calls from Hawaii if she was there? At one point, she held my face and looked into my eyes and told me, "Look at me. I did not go to Hawaii!" I still didn't believe her and she finally relented in letting me see her phone, at which point she hid under her bed covers. She had gone to Hawaii. She begged and pleaded with me not to leave while crying and I told her that I was leaving. She called me while I drove home and I said I didn't want to talk about it anymore because I was exhausted. We ended up agreeing we needed a break from each other so that she could improve herself. During that time I was somewhat actively searching for other girls and not getting very far with it. After about a month, Jennifer and I started talking again and very slowly began seeing each other more. Eventually, we fell back into our relationship and things seemed to finally be going smoothly. After this she started getting harassed more and more by Carlos but Jennifer was very open about it, having admitted she had an awful time with him, that I could look at her phone, e-mail, whatever, at any time I wanted. We dealt with his increasing persistence together (which included him logging into some of her things without permission). Eventually he seemed to stop and things went pretty well. Jennifer and I went to Las Vegas for a festival but around this time I started feeling more and more saddened by us, like something had been lost that I couldn't get back. I broke down and cried multiple times during the trip and was moody a lot of the time. We also ended up taking a trip to her parents' place in Canada, which was a delightful trip in all respects except for the same moodiness that seemed to start consuming me. It always came back to the Hawaii trip and that Jennifer had treated me in such a way and lied to me, which she apologized for profusely. I mostly remember being sad and moody during that time period and nothing unfortunate really happened between Jennifer and me. We began talking about living together, as well as seeing a couples' therapist. I was excited to think we would be living together but then after talking with my mother about it turned very worried. Jennifer stated that she couldn't deal with waffling like this for such a big thing and that I needed to be straight with her about it because moving in with me would mean losing her place entirely (I own, she rents). We decided to move in together and I thought it would help the moodiness and increasing sadness. Unfortunately, it didn't. Though living together was very much a breeze, barring some ridiculous arguments over my couch, we really got along very well in a small place together. We enjoyed each other's company so much that we never felt in each other's way. However, I would look at her and have an internal struggle, feeling like the love that I had for her had been diminished by the Hawaii incident. Therapy was not as much help for us as we had hoped, though this was due in part to me dominating the conversations with my moodiness. I would have meltdowns over what had happened (which Jennifer posted about on here, actually) and it would scare Jennifer that she was going to lose me and her new home. I became frigid and unaffectionate, especially when she got the flu after Christmas. After six months of living together, and without any real warning, I broke up with Jennifer during counselling, citing that I felt like I was trying to force something that wasn't there. Jennifer later said she felt like a pound puppy and feels like she's just getting passed over and not being loved. She very quickly moved out and went back to her hometown in early January 2019. The months that followed I felt somewhat relieved but saddened by everything as well. I ended up finding her reddit post here about my meltdowns and in her description of things, everything involving the Hawaii trip or her hiding things was left out, citing it only as "difficulty in handling her stalker ex". She mentioned that she felt gutted and gave up everything for me and I agree with her points about her doing all the cooking and cleaning and trying to be the best she could be for me while I was moody and unresponsive. It was around this time I started periodically checking her reddit posts, as a sort of check up to see how she was doing. I knew that she had a new boyfriend because a post about his comments on her body was made, which saddened me but I figured it was what it was. The checking of her posts continued until today. There was minimal transactional contact between Jennifer and I over unpaid bills and such that we were taking care of. Eventually she called me to talk about how things were going and said she was going to be out my way because she had to continue orthodontic work that started in my town. After not seeing her for several months, seeing her again sent a wave of emotions through me and I had a breakdown, crying, wishing I'd been stronger, wishing I had her back. She confessed to almost getting into bed with me (she slept on my couch) to comfort me but thought better of it because she "might molester me". When she went back to her hometown, I was a wreck, calling her and crying and wanting to try again. I resolved to go to therapy, which I had refused to do when we lived together, and wanted to be a better person for her. As the months and therapy went by, as well as starting a regular exercise regiment, I began to feel stronger. Jennifer and I would periodically talk on the phone but agreed that it be best if our contact was sparse. Eventually, several months ago, Jennifer said she'd be out again for more orthodontics and we could have dinner and she could spend the night, which I also wanted to use as an opportunity to tell her about the growth I'd made and the realizations about our relationship I'd had. It was a delightful time, with somewhat flirtatious behavior but nothing further than friendly shoves and raunchy jokes. When bedtime rolled around, I began to get the couch ready for her, to which she noted that she could always just sleep in my bed. This was unexpected and we agreed. No sex was initiated or even cuddling, though she said at one point during the night my arm was around her and when I woke up in the morning her arm was around me. The next day and night were basically the same, more heart-to-heart talking that included me asking if she wanted to try again. She said she did but she didn't know how it was possible right now and talked about not doing anything risqué because she would be leaving soon and didn't want it to be a "pump and dump" situation. When we went to bed we snuggled. The next morning I attempted to kiss her, which she softly rejected and I apologized. I asked what we were to do and she said she could look for places out here, even though I told her that she shouldn't uproot herself for me again. I had to go to work and she said she would leave the key under the mat and we hugged and I got teary-eyed over her leaving. When I came home my place smelled like her and it was incredibly difficult to take not having her there. Several weeks later we talked again and I asked if she was seeing anyone when she was out here last, given her behavior, and she said she hadn't been and wasn't now. We talked some more just about things in general and that was that for a little while. Two weeks ago Jennifer texted me asking if I could talk. I said I could and she confessed to missing me terribly, that it was so good to hear my voice, and that she would like to come visit me just to see me. I told her I missed her too and I would love for her to come visit for a weekend (which would've been this weekend). Leading up to this I was giddy and excited, thinking that we might actually be starting over and make things work this time. In eagerness I was looking at her reddit posts, which had felt like a way of being connected to her when we weren't talking, and it was mostly about her eating habits and exercise (which are all things that she has had trouble with), as well as complaints about certain things that she had talked to me about. This past Tuesday, I had just talked with her about what we could do while she was here and I got in bed, excited for Friday to come. I looked through some of her posts and found one that, at the time, was marked four days ago. It featured the text "My boyfriend spent the night with me and we had a snuggly morning  it delayed my day but was so worth it!" My stomach fell through the floor and my anxiety went through the roof. I called my therapist and we talked about how I would approach this and I simply said that either way the trip would probably be canceled. I handled it far better than I have ever handled things like this before. It was late at night, so when I texted Jennifer I just asked if we could talk in the morning.Wednesday morning I talked to Jennifer about it. When I mentioned that I had been looking at her reddit since we broke up and then mentioned the posts about her eating disorder she said, "Wait...what?" She went on to tell me that she hasn't posted to reddit since we broke up and was reviewing these posts (that go back as far as five months) saying that "I never posted these". I brought up the post that worried me the most and she said, "Well I didn't post these. Someone must have hacked into my reddit account." Of the aforementioned post about her boyfriend at of three months commenting on her body, she said, "He never said anything like that." All of the posts sound exactly like her, using the same sort of language as she does when she types, and all seemed to line up with her current goals. She mentioned that her best friend, Bruce (who she never has mentioned before), is the only person she tells things like this, and that when she moved back home she rejected him when he assumed they'd start dating. All of the posts are seeking advice and looking for motivation, and not a single one of them is slanderous or mean. Jennifer told me that she didn't like that I had been looking at her posts but she was glad I brought this to her attention and the she was going to give Bruce a talking to. She questioned why she finds all these weirdos online, to which I joked "Especially the one you met on cragislist," referring to myself to which she responded joyfully "You're the BEST weirdo!" All of this left me severely confused because I wanted to believe her but it didn't make sense that for five months someone would be posting under her username, without her noticing (she spends a lot of time on reddit), and also be essentially roleplaying as her looking for advice on her body and fitness and eating, all things she is working on. Every part of my logic brain told me that she's lied again about not being involved with someone but a part of my emotional brain was believing her. The following day, I talked with her again. Her manner was incredibly cold and emotionless. She said that she couldn't deal with a partner who would snoop on her and keep tabs on her in the way that I had. That it's very unhealthy behavior for me to have and that she would not be coming to visit me. She asked if I ever intended to tell her I was looking at her reddit posts which I told her I intended to let her know when we started dating again and seeing a therapist: this was an honest answer from me which she did not believe. She believed that I only would have told her any time something suspicious popped up. She said she had excommunicated Bruce, who "hemmed and hawed" over whether or not he had been posting as her. She also informed me this would be the last time we spoke, as she drew the line at someone snooping on her things. I attempted to let her know that she could tell me the truth and that it was okay but she maintained that she never posted the last five months' worth of posts. I told her I wanted to believe her but I just couldn't but if I could have proof of some kind it would help. She said that her word should be proof enough. I asked if I could say some things and she said I could, mostly me expressing sadness over everything that happened because I really was so excited to see her and to try again. She said she thought it was sad too but that's life. I told her I was going to miss her, to which she simply responded, "Yeah...well...I wish you all the best. Bye." The rest of the day was spent talking to friends and family about what had happened and dealing with the immense feeling of sadness over what had transpired. I questioned whether I was right in my assumption that she had lied about being with someone but still maintained that it just wasn't possible that she wasn't the one posting these things. After dinner, I checked the thread (r/loseit) where she had posted the comment that involved having a boyfriend and found two new posts from a different username, both in the style of her writing. I ended up writing a long message about how dare she and how sad it was that she would rather lie than tell the truth, and that her honesty could have saved us in the long run. I also told her that she was such a disappointment to me now and that I hoped she could get over her compulsion to lie. Then I went to bed. Sleeping was hard and around 7 AM this morning I received a text from Jennifer, informing me that she had posted those things as bait to see if I was still exhibiting the intrusive behavior and that my message to her confirmed her decision that we should never speak again. She said I had learned nothing and that I didn't realize how messed up my behavior was. I messaged her back letting her know that she's the one who hasn't learned, as her argument about a jilted best friend essentially roleplaying as her made no sense whatsoever and that her gaslighting me proved her guilt, and that I didn't need a pathological liar in my life and that she needed to leave me alone. That seems to be the last of it. After all of this I am exhausted, empty feeling, saddened, and adrift. I cannot fathom that what she says about Bruce was reality and yet a part of me wishes so badly that it were true, though at this point there's no point. I'm sitting alone in my place wishing that she were here, because she would have been, and I missed her so much and, for better or for worse, despite my comments to her, know that I am deeply saddened that I didn't get to see her again, especially when we were both so excited. And since she was a person, or at least pretended to be a person, who I really truly thought was my one and only love. Jennifer has since deleted all trace of the posts in the thread that contained the post about snuggling with her boyfriend (which I still have a screenshot of). However, all the other posts (which she claimed weren't hers) remain. If you read the whole thing, congratuations! I really appreciate you taking the time for reading the soap opera that has been the past 2.5 years of my life. Wayyyy TL;DR: My ex (who has a history of lying to me) and I violently excommunicated each other right before rekindling our relationship after I accused her of lying about being single; she accused me of being a sneak (which is "a line she won't cross" in a partner) for viewing her reddit posts that reveal she has a boyfriend, and maintains that she didn't write them but a jilted best friend did under her account, despite the posts being over the past five months, in her writing style, and all about getting advice and support and motivation for issues she is known to have. Was I the victim of an abusive relationship? Am I right in assuming that she lied again? Was I in the right? Or am I the enemy here? I also realize that having typed this all out that a lot of parallels present themselves that have given me further insight. But I still would really appreciate some help and support here. Thank you all!
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Jan 13, 2020 19:54
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My (21M) friend (18FtM) wants to date me, despite already being in a relationship and his partner (25M) explicitly stating he's not okay with it I've known this person (let's call them Alex) for about a year now, but only really became friends with them in November last year, and even in the first real interaction I had with them they made it clear they would not pass up a chance to date me if that became an option. I actually became friends with Alex because I asked out their boyfriend (calling him John to keep this simple) thinking he was single. I was talking about that publically when Alex chimed in by asking him "wait, you passed up a chance for me to date two cuties?" And that's how I knew Alex was into me. I asked John again since his reason for saying no the first time was his relationship with Alex, who had now revealed they found the idea of me dating John quite appealing; but he refused again saying he's "just not a polyamorous person", but adding that if he were single he would take up the offer. In January Alex and I started flirting casually, and I asked him if he was okay with that, or just being nice. He assured me he was okay with it and wanted to do it more, and I asked them to ask John if he would be okay with the flirting, and send me proof. Alex came back with a screenshot of a message from John saying "He's such a drat potato, and sure, I'm fine with it, just don't break him with your mouth." Backed by those words of encouragement, I think we went from casual flirting to blatant sexting in less than 48 hours, which unsurprisingly turned into a long-distance relationship. I thought things would work out as long as Alex was keeping John in the loop and making sure this second relationship wasn't hurting him, and he didn't feel like any boundaries were being crossed. Both Alex and John are good friends of mine, and I would hate it if my involvement with their relationship hurt either of them in any way. I wasn't close enough to John that we regularly spoke in private, so I wasn't really in a place where I could comfortably talk to him about the relationship myself, and put a lot of trust into Alex to make sure John's feelings were accounted for. About a month into the relationship I made a private Discord server for Alex and I to use for D&D-style roleplaying games. Alex asked me to invite John too. I later found out that this was the first John had heard about Alex's second relationship since that day he was asked if it was okay if Alex and I flirted. It took him two months to admit to Alex that he really wasn't happy with how far my relationship with Alex had progressed, but was afraid to say anything because of how happy Alex and I were together. John and I talked, and we agreed it was best that I leave the relationship as he felt like he was now sharing Alex's affection, and he didn't like that feeling, and I never intended to make him feel that way. He added that he might be willing to have a more open relationship with Alex in the future and give me another chance, but until then wants their relationship to stay monogamous. As far as I can tell, my involvement hasn't had a serious negative effect on their relationship. We all accept that none of us communicated well, and in the end, we all suffered because of it. John doesn't see what happened as cheating as it was born from a misunderstanding and neither Alex nor myself intended to keep this a secret and hurt him. Alex and I are still good friends, but I've noticed that every time we talk we fall into a pattern of flirting, a couple times going as far as sexting. About a week ago one of the servers we're on organized a group call, and both Alex and I were a part of it. We flirted a bit during the call, but at the end of it we were the last two people to leave, and I asked if they really thought it was a good idea for us to keep flirting like that. Alex replied with "It's okay, John won't know." After I pointed out that flirting with me just because John wouldn't find out was the same thing as cheating, Alex gave a dejected "yeah, you're right" and left the call. This isn't the only example, just the most blatant. It's pretty obvious to me that Alex really wishes they could continue the relationship with me, and I'm not sure how to handle that. I fear they may do something like break up with John to be with me, or give him an ultimatum that basically forces him into a polyamorous relationship. He says he'd never do that, but he also said he was fine with the breakup. I don't want to cut contact with him, and doing that would be really difficult anyway since we have a lot of mutual friends, and either of us leaving the servers we're a part of would cut us off from them. I love Alex, and care about John a lot, and can't see a way forward that doesn't hurt one or both of them. TL;DR: Friend and I asked their boyfriend if it was okay if we flirted, and he misinterpreted the enthusiastic yes as permission to make their relationship polyamorous. The resulting breakup with me has left this friend and I missing the relationship, and unsure what to do. Garden variety poly but why so much sexting and no sex? The buried lede is in a back and forth in the comments. quote:You need to walk away from both these people. This does not end well. quote:Walking away is tricky and would likely hurt people outside of this relationship due to all my friends being in the groups I'd need to separate from, while kicking Alex out of the server full of our mutual friends would be petty and meanspirited as he's well liked there. He was invited to join it months before I really got to know him, and I'm not the one who invited him. quote:If you stop associating with John and Alex, you can still hang out with your other friends in smaller groups. quote:This is already a splinter group of a splinter group; we barely survived two splits, and I think we're the only active server with this friend group aside from Alex's own server... quote:All my frineds are online right now, same with interaction with most of my family. My teenage years were wierd, so I don't really fit in with people my own age. Most of them are partygoers, and as someone who dislikes drugs, drinking, dubstep, and dancing, I find it very hard to fit in. Also, what does it mean to be a “drat potato”? I like that they are unable to fit in socially due to an inability to enjoy dubstep.
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Jan 13, 2020 21:12
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bell jar posted:Just use a loving pot god drat jesus christ what the gently caress In Europe this is very normal.
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Jan 13, 2020 21:13
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for using 23andme against my dad's wishes? Dad slut, so what?
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Jan 13, 2020 21:42
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girl pants posted:My(27F) boyfriend (37M) plays Dr. Mario but never saves his game. Is this normal behavior? He just want it to say “new high score” every time he plays for the dopamine burst.
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Jan 13, 2020 22:42
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Licarn posted:AITA for posting on r/legaladvice despite my wife not wanting "information about her" posted "out there"? I love how neither of them consider the legal ramifications if it is connected to them. Nope, all about feelings and how vital it is to get legal help from the internet instead of a deranged hobo or, if they are feeling fancy, a lawyer.
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Jan 14, 2020 16:25
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Potential Nice Guy dodges bulletquote:I’m (M/21) in love with my best friend (F/20) Update: quote:Two years ago I made a post that I was in love with my best friend. I was encouraged to do the dangerous thing and talk to her. We had a very honest conversation and she was very sweet about it and admitted that we did have something between us but we remained friends, with not speaking for a little while to begin with. As the months went by we both started seeing other people although I was still very much in love with her. Eventually both of us realised that we didn't want other people but only each other and a short time after that we got together. We have now been dating for 10 months and we are both extremely happy and are very much in love.
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Jan 14, 2020 16:33
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A bit of a turn.quote:My mom [70 F] constantly tells me [32/F] that my daughter [5/F] is going to become obese. She's actually underweight. quote:UPDATE: My [32F] mom [72F] kept saying my kid was obese. The crazy ran even deeper than I thought.
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Jan 14, 2020 17:39
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Mozi posted:Or maybe "My hair is the source of my superhuman strength, the last time I let someone cut it off it really didn't turn out well." “I mean I was made a slave doing mindless labor and later was cursed to do so for eternity. That is why I am here.”
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Jan 15, 2020 18:47
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gently caress Your Website posted:"Dear Prudie, could it be the contorted rationalizations I've fabricated to explain away my consistently terrible actions are in fact complete bullshit? Please note the only other option is that literally everyone else in the entire world is wrong." “I have always tried to be a kind person by making sure in all my romantic and sexual relationships I am a knowing accomplice in an act of horrifically painful betrayal against another unknowing person potentially unraveling their whole life.” “Try harder.”
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Jan 15, 2020 20:47
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I am beginning to think this Europe place is not some sexually emancipated wonderland but is in fact an insane asylum for perverted sexual deviants. *Looks at European history* Yep, checks out.
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Jan 15, 2020 21:30
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John Wick of Dogs posted:It was just out of curiosity! GOD! That excuse was a bit strained the first time it was used when he was caught in the work custodial closet with the mop handle, an open bottle of cleaner, and that open pack of party balloons. It probably won’t work this time.
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Jan 15, 2020 21:33
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Leon Einstein posted:I dated a woman that would tell me in explicit detail how horny she'd get and how she'd rub one out in the bathroom. In Europe parents would have found it even more hot.
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Jan 15, 2020 22:10
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Clawtopsy posted:AITA for not wanting to give up a room in my house Sounds like the problem solved itself.
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Jan 15, 2020 22:11
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Smirking_Serpent posted:My ex girlfriend lives in my house and wants to take me to court because I don’t want to babysit her child. Sure, she can definitely sue and you better watch that child. You are legally obligated. You have been a total doormat so far. Why change now?
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Jan 15, 2020 22:45
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for accepting money in exchange for inviting my dad's wife to my wedding? Keep the low key wedding and take the difference in cash to add onto that down payment.
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Jan 16, 2020 01:34
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I thought that “Better Call Saul” subplot about the guy making erotic pie sitting movies was a joke.
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Jan 16, 2020 01:44
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quote:Help! My [24f] partner's[26nb] roommate/bff[27m] is a horrible, disgusting slob and needs an intervention quote:UPDATE: Help! My [24f] partner's[26nb] roommate/bff[27m] is a horrible, disgusting slob and needs an intervention
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Jan 16, 2020 02:06
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Free will is clearly an illusion.quote:My [22F] jealousy of my twin's relationship is ruining my life
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Jan 16, 2020 02:27
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quote:Should I pursue this potentially toxic relationship? [19M/16F] I like the OP better in the comments: quote:“You could re-write the title as 'Should I stick my hand in a blender and turn it on?
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Jan 16, 2020 04:02
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I have a vague memory of a story like this but do not think it is same one. Apologies if wrong. Me [26 F] with my boyfriend [28 M] of 1 yr 2 months, he wants one of my pubic hairs quote:Ok so quite the odd situation. I've been dating my bf for about 14 months now. Everything has been good and he is an awesome guy. He's caring, attractive, has a good job as a mechanical engineer and loves to spoil me but something happened 4 nights ago that threw me off a bit.
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Jan 16, 2020 04:21
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PHIZ KALIFA posted:see dude, if you had ate her rear end you could have just flossed one out of your teeth, but you had to go and make it weird. Speaking of which this almost happened and Encyclopedia Brown here is on the case: I think my [21M] girlfriend [21F] is cheating on me - kinda weird proof quote:My girlfriend is a natural blonde. We always joke that her hair is too bright to look at. I, on the other hand, was blonde as a child but my hair has faded to that dirty blondish brown colour that most kids have.
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Jan 16, 2020 04:36
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I [18/M] want to have more privacy, but I'm afraid my mom [50/F] won't let me.quote:So, my whole life I've been living only with my mother. During my whole life, we've had no problems being naked while in the presence of eachother. But the problem is, I'm now 18 and I want to start having more privacy and be able to make decisions about how my body looks like. I am hoping this is not normal in Europe.
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Jan 16, 2020 07:51
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Rosalind posted:"My incredibly unhealthy wife literally spends her entire life doing nothing excepting sitting around eating and surfing the internet, contributes nothing to our relationship, refuses to get any medical help, and complaining about me behind my back on social media but I won't divorce her because we have no significant problems." https://politics.theonion.com/my-morbidly-obese-wife-said-the-most-interesting-thing-1819584495
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Jan 16, 2020 18:56
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Play posted:If you think about it like him "giving" money to his brother that might be true. If you think about the fact that gay brother should be entitled to just as much inheritance as him, and the only reason he isn't getting it is because their dad was a bigot, suddenly it doesn't seem so just anymore. Possible but brother coming back after no contact and acting like they were best friends right as the inheritance hits is pretty scummy. Gonna say they are both assholes and hope it ends in a costly legal battle and the lawyers get it all.
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Jan 16, 2020 22:09
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Anyone need a doormat? My (26 F) girlfriend missed her flight to come see me, met a guy at the airport and ended up taking an Uber back to his apartment to smoke at midnight. I ( 27 M) don't really know how to react to this but its making me uncomfortable. quote:We have been in a LDR for a 11 months now and been dating for about 2 years. We lived together for 4 months before I had to move away for medical rotation placement. I have plans for our future and absolutely love her. Best comment: quote:She was definitely hitting the pipe. Maybe they smoked too, who knows?
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Jan 16, 2020 22:32
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Lucrece posted:AITA for wanting my child that was the result of an affair to meet her half-siblings even though their father has died? You moved across the country specifically to have your daughter meet her half-siblings before even talking to the mom. Now you are trying to secretly convince minors to meet with you without their guardian’s knowledge or consent? Restraining orders are in your future.
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Jan 17, 2020 01:37
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tactlessbastard posted:I think if some surprise half sibling showed up at my door step I'd be polite but pretty incurious. If their parent kept pushing us to have a relationship I'd tell her to gently caress right off. I suspect mom here is trying to legitimize the relationship and make it “equal” to the one he had with his wife. Maybe to assuage guilt, maybe jealousy, maybe competitive craziness. Sibling relationships are based on shared experiences and shared relationships. I am with you. If I found out I had a half-sibling now I would be upset at the parent who cheated but would have no interest in getting to know the affair partner or their child.
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Jan 17, 2020 03:29
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MarcusSA posted:What part of the story makes him an rear end in a top hat? Running to the bathroom to post on Reddit for advice while his gf was crying outside makes him a bit of an rear end in a top hat. Then again her crying harder because he mentioned the wedding is also a little suspect. The family seems to hate him already and I have a suspicion the wedding was put on that date with specific intent. Mom, who just lost her husband, seems way too interested in baiting him considering you know, her husband just died.
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Jan 17, 2020 03:35
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Sandwich Anarchist posted:You know weddings are planned months in advance, unlike funerals, right? Yes, that was a typo but I could see mom in this scenario putting the funeral where the wedding already was. In a darker take she timed the poisoning of her husband to try to ruin her daughter’s relationship as a side-benefit but that seems unlikely.
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Jan 17, 2020 05:55
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Tijuana-A-Go-Go posted:My [32F] fiances [33M] hobby is driving me crazy 
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Jan 17, 2020 18:10
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