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just lol if you don't always use glow-in-the-dark condoms and make lightsaber noises while swooping your donger around like a normal person
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Mar 18, 2020 18:30
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i'm not sure if this is valid but i've always been of the opinion that too short is worse than too tight
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Mar 18, 2020 18:48
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The Lone Badger posted:Even I'm not that loving square. And I sometimes get accosted by builders who think I fell out of their toolbag. this was a good joke and i just wanted to make sure you get that mild dopamine rush from having your good post quoted when everyone else just scrolled on by, godspeed internet-enabled carpentry tool
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May 25, 2021 08:31
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it seems that there is a shortage of shitposts and a surplus of posts that are poo poo the past while so please enjoy this fun-sized tree post: AITA for letting my dog pee on a neighbor's tree? quote:I have a large dog that I walk multiple times a day. My next-door neighbor has a small tree in front of their house on the easement between the sidewalk and street. It was killed by a recent storm & is now just a 5-foot snapped off trunk. My dog has peed on it several times a day for the last 6 years, ever since the city planted it. edit: in retrospect theres actually a lot of good posts on this page idk what i was thinking
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Jun 2, 2021 15:07
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just hanging out at home, making baklava out of alternating layers of filo pastry and pepperoni like a normal person
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Jun 7, 2021 15:29
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Uncle Enzo posted:There are situations in life that you have to communicate absolutely clearly. Accepting a job is one. Why the dude couldn't write "I accept your offer. I look forward to working with you" is beyond me. while I agree 100% I just want to share how my wife proposed: wife: we're gonna end up married one of these days, want to figure that out now? me: fuckin' rights we then proceeded to get our ring sizes and ordered a bunch of tungsten wedding bands so if we lost one there would be a steady stream of replacements
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Jun 11, 2021 20:26
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Cowslips Warren posted:I'm a lesbian, how many women do I need to gently caress or marry before I get a gold star? every woman you bang gets you 1 gold star, once you collect all 120 you can get to the top of the castle on the flipside, every man gets you a coupon that you can cash in for a free medium biphobia, redeemable entirely at random from people you wouldn't expect that poo poo from
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Jun 13, 2021 04:24
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I wouldn't trust my sister with my collectors swords either if they broke the last ones
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Jun 13, 2021 12:45
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i'm no plumber but in my professional opinion they should call a plumber
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Jun 14, 2021 08:11
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Canuckistan posted:Say what now? what the heck is with that chart quote:Our highly trained team of chicken experts worked tirelessly to figure out a way to cut the chicken so you get the same amount of finger lickin’ goodness for the same great price as before. That means a bucket of chicken will still provide your family with a satisfying, filling, and great-tasting meal. the same amount of finger lickin' goodness but approx 25% less chicken per order
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Jun 15, 2021 18:06
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what if paint ends up inside someone like i dont see how you can possibly avoid that happening if you've been adequately pre-painted but I also refuse to google this
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Jun 16, 2021 14:31
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Splicer posted:Sometimes the stuff people do when they're high or drunk is just stuff they want to do anyway but they feel like they have an excuse to do because they're so hiiiiigh. Whether their inhibitions are really chemically impaired or not is irrelevant, they think they are so they just cut loose. this checks out, I really just want to eat captain crunch by the fistful while watching aquarium livestreams for several hours but it's less depressing if i'm higher than the moon
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Jun 27, 2021 14:29
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teen witch posted:If anyone is wondering my name is this video is blocked in my country so i'm just going to assume your name is richard dean anderson
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Jun 30, 2021 17:30
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Luigi's Discount Porn Bin posted:I got fixated on the idea of a random r/r thread topic generator, so here it is. Put on your robes and wizard hats. it took me almost ten minutes of clicking roll but I got this masterpiece: quote:Everyone's calling me telling me I'm an rear end in a top hat
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Jul 2, 2021 16:24
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Pookah posted:Ok, I am not lactose-intolerant myself, but why can't this guy just take some lactase pills? I know they don't work for everyone who has lactose issues, but if he has the ordinary problems, lactase will fix it 100% when I was in elementary school, my parents made me drink at least at least one glass of milk before and after school and it didn't matter how many lactase pills I took because I still ended up hideously sick for the entire day brand didn't matter either, it just didn't do a drat thing to help
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Jul 5, 2021 20:00
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what kind of nerd doesn't vape exclusively while blowing bubbles with one of those bubble wands so they get full of vape vapor and then pop into tiny smoke rings
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Jul 6, 2021 14:40
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Cowslips Warren posted:AITA for wanting to try to moderate my weed use after I get back on my feet instead of quitting cold turkey, after it's caused me problems with family? weed makes me go manic too if I overdo it + if I overdo it with edibles (anything above 5mg) I end up with these 4 or 5 hour intense psychedelic experiences i'm pretty sure perma-stoners claiming weed is perfectly safe for everyone is a holdover from many many years ago when cannabis wasn't being heavily optimized for maximum THC, the strength difference from the poo poo my dad smoked compared to now is like beer vs everclear
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Jul 10, 2021 04:56
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Atticus_1354 posted:I live when they don't want to pay a flat rate because it's so high and then counter with "I'll give you a percentage because we'll be making so much money." It's just admitting it's a bad investment right from the start. honestly i'm just stoked they didn't go with "but think of all the exposure you'll get from my instantly-famous onlyfans!" when trying to lowball the already-established, successful professional photographer
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Jul 13, 2021 14:54
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DemoneeHo posted:I was really hoping for Estinien Wyrmblood Jones or Sol Badguy Jones if you name your kid alphinaud it will doom him to a life of excellent, unending character growth that puts all other character arcs to shame
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Jul 13, 2021 20:08
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Mx. posted:AITA for calling my stepmom crazy for wanting to give her baby the exact same first-name as me? having that many charlottes around would weave quite the tangled web
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Jul 22, 2021 11:16
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pentyne posted:The kind of person who turns their nose up at seafood and doesn't like vegetarian options is almost always going to be a "man needs meat not rabbit food" kind of person who takes a sense of pride in being that rear end in a top hat making a scene at meal time. I'm surprised he didn't start thumping the table while chanting "steak! steak! steak!" instead. the trick is to eat as much of the shrimp as u can before your throat snaps shut then use the epipen, call 911 and keep slamming those shrimp down the hatch until the ambulance arrives so you don't offend the hosts the vegetarian option is worse because this is what you're getting: 
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Jul 24, 2021 15:55
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Arsenic Lupin posted:One of them was a moray eel. Common as dirt. I dunno, google seems to think they're too rich for my blood: quote:How much is moray eel? I assume "bells" is slang for "billions of american dollars" so thats a pretty hefty investment
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Jul 24, 2021 17:05
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step aside dated racist labels, i'm a gelatto not just because i'm italian though, but when you're deciding which unhealthy posts to enjoy i'm among the densest options available while also being lower fat than many of the alternatives relevant palate cleanser: Is she [17 F] after me [17 M] or my gelato? quote:This morning in class I was joking with my friend that if he wasn't Mexican I would be his valentine and buy him gelato. I then showed him the gelato gift certificate I had. this guy's cluelessness really speaks to me because I was also oblivious at that age
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Jul 26, 2021 07:25
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literally all they had to do was call it Gapr and they ballsed it up, come on guys
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Jul 26, 2021 08:04
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ElGroucho posted:Did everyone just gloss over the racism in the first sentence or what i sure did also i'm not entirely sure what the op is getting at with that loosely-qualifies-as-a--joke, doesn't mexico have a style of ice cream that's structurally just a gelato with different flavorings? it has some serious "if it wasn't for my horse I never would have spent that year in college" vibes
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Jul 26, 2021 20:50
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Bruceski posted:Ice cream pops? We had those in New Mexico, are they not global? this is what my country has instead of good ice cream pops: 
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Jul 26, 2021 21:18
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nunsexmonkrock posted:I see raspberry and lemon-lime and they look so amazing that I am salivating. Do you have fudgesicles? i got you covered 
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Jul 27, 2021 04:36
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I have two regrets about posting that gelato reddit, one is that I somehow missed the raging racism despite it taking up 1/5 of the entire post and it was right at the start, the other is that nobody liked my self depreciating joke about how dense I am (which, considering the first point, is very meta) also the first few responses I got were worded in such a way that I thought my lovely joke was the racist part until I went back and re-read what I had quoted
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Jul 27, 2021 08:11
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Barudak posted:I honestly thought you posted it because the non-sequitor racism and complete confusion over the rest of the post led me mind processing it as though sinking i just searched for gelato and copied the shortest post I am not a clever man
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Jul 27, 2021 08:32
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Pope Corky the IX posted:Oh yeah, I remember my cousin insisting that his nine year old son should be allowed in the limo against my advice so the kid got to see his father puke so hard he poo poo his pants while begging for us to let him die on the side of the Long Island Expressway. when i first read this i thought the cousin was begging for everyone to ditch the kid on the expressway while making GBS threads his pants if you did that I think you're obligated to call the cops because the road didn't consent to be a babysitter
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Jul 28, 2021 19:26
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Megillah Gorilla posted:Time to remind everyone of the "dog pill" segment of the incel community. just to save everyone a google, this is when you put the dogs meds in some peanut butter so he eats them and there is absolutely no reason to google this because that's all it is so don't waste your time looking this up ever
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Jul 29, 2021 05:56
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just get a dang crockpot or use the insurance payout from ur house fire to get one
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Aug 7, 2021 05:21
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Evil Willow posted:AITA for asking my date why she peaked? she's gonna need a senzu bean for that burn
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Aug 7, 2021 06:51
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Khizan posted:I've definitely met the male version who talks about his high school football days all the time despite being 35 loving years old. I talked about highschool football recently but it was me explaining how concerning it was that the first time i got severely tackled it cured my diminished lung capacity somehow an entire childhood of asthma inhalers and all i needed was to get body slammed by a walking brick wall lol
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Aug 7, 2021 08:09
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I would not do the hvac work in a house with a dog locked in a bedroom because it's probably a blink dog and it's going to teleport behind me and get a free attack of opportunity because i'll be caught flat footed
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Aug 8, 2021 14:17
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Evil Willow posted:~*~Tale as old as time.....~*~ play stupid games, win stupid prizes edit: AreWeDrunkYet posted:What even qualifies as weird poo poo these days? Put in some nonsense in a pornhub search, you'll probably find people have been there before you. that website from the 90s where it was nothing but pictures of women in business casual trying to figure out what to do about their broken down cars
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Aug 23, 2021 06:13
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Yorkshire Pudding posted:Guys I am getting real “my mom made me take an underwater weighing test” vibes from this. what the heck did I just read
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Aug 24, 2021 05:23
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teen witch posted:Seems like Reddit isn’t curbing disinfo regarding COVID and people are correctly pissed: i'm a little sad that none of the few subs I follow are getting on this bandwagon but tbh it'd be weird if r/stargate or r/shittydaystrom were getting involved with real world issues close the iris, we don't want to fill the gate room with horse paste again edit: is bandwagon the right term? this is actually a legitimately good idea
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Aug 26, 2021 11:18
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low key sex master posted:it's really why i don't ever call myself a gamer I consider someone a gamer if they attempt to monetize their video game playing I don't mean like, gold farming for cash or selling maxed out accounts/characters or whatnot, I mean becoming a professional streamer or playing in one of those professional video game league things (or aspiring to do those things)
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Sep 15, 2021 15:57
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vonnegutt posted:This is actually a dealbreaker for me, finding out that the guy I'm dating has no friends. If there are no people in your life who will voluntarily hang out with you, there's probably a good reason. I have occasionally gone against my better judgement on this ("he's just busy / it's just not a priority for him!") and regretted it every time. in ordinary times i'd agree but i'm legitimately impressed if you made it this far into the 2020 / 2021 two-hit combo without having to randomly purge your social circle for insanely dumb reasons like all my friends have different levels of risk tolerance and keep getting sucked into "unique" internet communities and those things combined have driven most of the crew apart edit: wtf how far behind was that tab I left open blatman fucked around with this message at 15:47 on Sep 19, 2021 |
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Sep 19, 2021 15:42
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