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Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

overseer07 posted:

This makes me instantly angry

Your post shrimped my youngman.

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Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Nice buried lede in this one:

should i break up with my bf of 7 years [new]
submitted 5 hours ago by cabininthewoodswv

quote:

tl;dr Should I break up with my bf of 7 years who won't commit to marriage, lies, and I feel like he takes full advantage of my giving personality?

I've been with my boyfriend for 7 years and we've had a lot of great times together. He is a sweet guy but he has some traits that I cannot get over.

Twice this year he has made large purchases (motorcycles) without telling me. He goes and buys them when I am away for a weekend or at work. He does this so that "I won't convince him not to". He wrecked his first bike and it's still sitting broken in the garage. Instead of fixing it he went and purchased another one.

He runs his own business out of our garage. I am a business partner who does much of the sales emails, helps with deliveries, and moving product around. He has never offered to pay me for my time helping him. He really only makes about $1k a month doing this, and spends the profit on expensive clothes and motorcycles.

I have a college degree and love my career. I make a good income, and since he doesn't make as much as me I have been buying all of our groceries. Another way that he profits from our relationship without giving much.

He has some chores that he does (takes care of firewood in the winter and takes the trash out) but other than that I am the sole housekeeper as well. It's pretty often that I ask him to help with things and he will whine until he gets out of it or says he will do it later (rarely does).

He lies about things (buying things in secret, taking Xanax and Adderrall recreationally).

I'm starting to get exhausted by this "mom and child" dynamic. I feel like I am constantly asking him to do his share, begging him for respect, and asking him to put our relationship first before his desire to "have fun". He won't commit to getting married. I should also mention that 4 years into our relationship he told me he had herpes from the get-go and that meant that I also now had herpes. He also had an alcohol abuse problem, but has stopped drinking. He has ADD.



At the very least I am going to demand payment for my work with his company (even if it's a small amount) and that he begin to pay for half of our grocery and household bills. I feel like if he has enough money to buy himself presents then he has enough to contribute to these things. I'm hoping that will at least soothe some of my bitterness about the financial issues.

Is it wrong of me to leave him because I want a partner who is going to put the family first before material things? Is there any hope for a relationship with a person who is a liar?

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

DemoneeHo posted:

Someone post Geralt being naked in the bath tub so we can move on from this derail

AITA for wanting to play The Witcher 3 rather than go to my older sister's wedding?

quote:

[–]explosivedairyarea

rear end in a top hat Enthusiast [4] 7 points 9 months ago
I hope to god that you are 12 years old because the only way your actions would be even slightly understandable is if you were an actual child. YTA, big time.

So what the dude is your average douchebag and bad mouths your hobby? It’s completely inexcusable to protest that by skipping out on what’s probably the most important day of your sister’s life. You don’t have to like the dude, but man, you really gotta learn to pick your battles.

permalinkembedsavegive award

quote:

[–]Michael_Perth_50

[S] -13 points 9 months ago
I am 29

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Palette cleanser:


My Friend [26M] rejected Me [19F] because of my age
Personal issues
submitted 2 hours ago by tetter011

quote:

I met my friend 3 months ago going on late January. Both he and I got really close really quickly and we would hang out nearly everyday during the semester, he would even wait for me to finish class. Through winter break even though we live in different cities and have different schedules we always hung out.

We got to know each other in a healthy way, but in the beginning we didn't know our ages- the only thing I knew was we were graduating at the same time. I assumed we were close to the same age due to this. I finally asked him one day because one of our mutual friends [24F] said he was "ancient" in front of me. It offended him but I was confused due to me not knowing what her definition of ancient was. When he told me he was 26 years old I froze, and when I said I was 19 he stared at me like he didn't believe it. It made me realize that I was actually graduating really early and he was graduating really late.

That didn't seem to stop us however, he and I keep in constant contact, hang out all day, and have a great time. We have a lot in common, even though the age difference and he said even "usually I don't hangout with people that aren't 21 and older" but he saw something different with me and I agreed because everyone around me wasn't thrilled to hear my new friend was a 26 year old man.

Soon we both realized that maybe we liked each other more than friends. Yet I noticed he would never actually approach me that way. He never asked me on a date or anything and I knew they were just hangouts. We would talk about our dating lives and we both noticed that we both are struggling because of other reasons (I plan on getting my masters right after I graduate in another state and travel on an internship I'm getting, and he's trying to find himself, get on his feet, and start his career so we can't take anything seriously) but finally I asked him if life ever happened would he ever date me... he hesitated, but I told him to tell the truth because there's no reason not to, and he told me no. He said he couldn't see our age difference working out. He said that there's nothing wrong with me, and the only reason was my age. I asked why he would hang out with me then and he said that I was a great person, I'm fun and he enjoys being around me and we had nearly everything in common and it's never boring with me and he also felt the same connection I was feeling.

He told me that he preferred women older than him and would settle for same age and he really didn't expect that we would get along so well. He also mentioned that he wanted to settle down and have children eventually and he knew that I wouldn't feel the same (and he was right, I have zero ambition to have children in the next 2-10 years). He also said I didn't have the life experiences he's had and he was right, I've never been in love (he has, and still is but he ruined it), I've never been hurt in a way that affected my life, and there are somethings I can understand but I've never felt it so I could never truly get it. He also mentioned that he'll be 27 in April and I'll only be 20 in January and I could tell by the look on his face that it bothered him. We're still friends, and we're still close, but that stung when I thought about it. It was also ironic, because we talk about ageism and how he's 26 and still not completely stable and he gets heat on it and rejected for it all the time, for him to turn and reject me because of my own age.

I know in the end that it wouldn't have worked out long term, and obviously he did too, but it hurt me. I know I don’t love him, and I wouldn’t sacrificed my dreams and ambitions for him, but I’m also a “you never know” type of person and I also believe it never hurts to try. I always think if maybe if I lied about my age would it be different, but what do I look like lying about that? My last relationship was built on a lie, and I learned my lesson about that, but ours is just so easy and it sucks that my age is the reason. At the moment I feel a bit discouraged, I never thought that age was going to matter. I feel like you could have everything there, and everything can go perfectly, and then you sit there and realize your fatal flaw can be something you can't control. And I don't know how to get over that, I just wonder if there's any advice to start.

tl;dr: I asked my friend if he would ever dated me and he rejected me on the basis of my age and age alone and it’s affecting me in a way I didn't think it would.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

cumshitter posted:

I didn't know what PIV meant and now I can't unlearn that horrible street slang, but at least I have a newfound appreciation for Mr. PIB soda.

You are a master of your craft sir.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Lucrece posted:

How do i kindly let my boyfriend know that if he doesn’t get it together, im breaking up with him?

He told me he loves me (self.AgeGap)

submitted 19 days ago * by whythrowawa



quote:

(17f) , (34m)

Tonight while we were hugging goodbye we were doing “British accents” and i jokingly said “I think you’re unsure about your feelings love” and he stopped doing the accent, hugged me, and said “Im sure I love you” , its the first time he’s told me. I almost cried, he’s the most amazing man in the world.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

luxury handset posted:

it is absolutely not up to mom to cook a meal to feed chef daughter to make up for glutton dad barging in and eating his daughter's dinner

But it is up to the only adult in the house to take care of the minor children.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

sephiRoth IRA posted:

Is carrying an urn everywhere two years later that healthy?

For thread content, yes.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Dienes posted:

If she wants a piece of her miscarried baby's corpse with her at all times

It's not that.

Dienes posted:

they are carrying the ashes around like a doll and talking about them

It's this.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Things are now getting serious with my [24M] GF [24F] of 3.5 years, but her sister [27F] has told me some unsettling things about her. Relationships
submitted 2 days ago by takeadrive

quote:

My GF and I have been together since college and we’ve recently been discussing our future together more seriously. My parents gave me one of the condos they own as a graduation gift, and she moved in with me about 6 months after we graduated (~2 years ago). We’re both in a good place in our careers, and we’ve been talking increasingly enthusiastically about the future together. After some discussion, we agreed about a proposal in ~6ish months followed by a long engagement since we’re both sort of young. However some things her sister disclosed to me have seriously deflated my enthusiasm, and now I feel pretty dejected.

First, I should probably explain why I value the input of her sister so highly. Over the time I’ve known her, she’s sort of become one of my closest friends. We have pretty interests in movies, books, video games, etc., have the same sense of humor, and she’s just one of those people you find easy to talk to. We sort of have “our thing”: every Saturday we take turns picking a movie from the criterion collection to watch in my parents’ home theater. Aside from that, she hangs out at our house pretty often and well usually play smash bros, 2k, of FIFA if she isn’t doing anything with my GF. I remember one time when my GF was away at a conference she called to see how I was doing and I told her that I was in the middle of a massive crunch and finally got 8 hours to sleep and refresh so I was just gonna use it all to sleep and put off my chores for tomorrow even though my house was a wreck. While I was sleeping she actually came over, totally cleaned the house, washed the dishes, crashed in our guest room, then left breakfast and coffee before leaving. She’s sort of like the cool older sister I never had, so I always take the advice/guidance she gives very seriously.

Recently my GF’s sister said that we needed to have conversation about something bothering her. She said she’s happy that the 2 of us are getting serious about our relationship, but there are some things she felt my GF should tell me that she hasn’t, and it’s been eating at her. She says that my GF has repeatedly resisted doing so and says they aren’t important at this point, but she felt I should know, since she has never known me to be anything but nice to her and her family,.

Firstly, my GF never actually saw us getting anywhere for at least the first 2 years. During college she said that she didn’t know many college relationships that lasted very long and didn’t think I liked her all that much or really saw this going anywhere but a fun end of college stretch. Then, after college (when we’ve been dating over a year), she said that once I left college and started my career she doubted I was going going to be looking for the same things as my college self and would probably end up deciding I outgrew the relationship. Then for up to a year, even after we moved in together, she repeatedly expressed astonishment that we had gotten that far. Secondly, she had some sizable moral objections to my job (I work as a hedge fund analyst). Apparently, as she heard me talking about my work with her and researched it she realized she was making connections to some other unsavory people that are only related to what I do in that they exist in the financial industry. But still, she spent at least a year disliking what I do without saying anything at all. Thirdly she’s sort of belittled my hobbies (my two major hobbies aside from video games are TTRPGs and model shipbuilding). She says that she never really understood what would compel people to spend hours painting “action figures” to pretend to fight with in the back of a dusty store. She also thinks that the effort and time people spend making model ships, especially wooden ones, “with pedantic attention to detail”, borders on “neuroticism”.

The more I think about it, the worse this stings. It’s not that I don’t have a pragmatic view of relationships, I know that there are life circumstances that can hamper the potential of a relationship, but accepting that doesn’t mean I think the relationship has no potential. Outside the first couple of months of dating, I never doubted that I wanted to be with her, and I never spoke about my future as if she wasn’t a part of it. How do you say, “I love you”, spend hundreds to thousands of hours together, and all the while think it’s going to fall apart at any second? Secondly, why would you just rather think I work a horrible career for a whole year rather than just bringing up the concern with me? Thirdly, not understanding or being interested in my hobbies is fine, but the way she went about it is now insulting in hindsight. I’m not into everything my GF is into. I don’t like soap operas, or knitting, or Pinterest boards. I don’t pretend to. I ask about her interest in them and let her share because I’m interested in what she has to say, I don’t fake finding the topic itself interesting. But the way she asks to see a finished project, tells me it’s cool, or asks about the details now makes me feel like a child being humored about showing off his new toy. This has just drained me - like that feeling when you receive a subpar grade into a project or test you put your heart into preparing.

I know that I have a history of major depression (currently effectively treated with antidepressants), and I can see things in a sort of pessimistic and distorted way. I also know that this is a conversation I need to have with my GF, but I’m stuck in that cycle of self doubting and procrastination when dealing with a situation. Some clarity is sorely needed.

Is the way I feel about my GF’s comments over the years valid? How do I go about tackling this?

tl;dr: GF’s sister has told me about some upsetting beliefs my GF has held throughout our relationship.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

hawowanlawow posted:

six is too old to be knocking over cupcake towers and punching them

Maybe he started late. You don't just go RIGHT to punching full sized cakes. It takes some practice.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

cumshitter posted:

Also lol at him trying to lecture the police officer on this as he's helping the wife collect her property. Christ, what an rear end in a top hat.

This is where the story really breaks down. Because any cop in any reasonable jurisdiction is going to nope right the gently caress out of an obvious civil matter.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Kenshin posted:

It's unfortunate that almost any person who refuses to listen to that many "I don't want it" and does it anyway is not going to learn any lesson at all from this, or at least not the correct lesson

Yes. The lesson the parents learned is that if they do this and it doesn't go they way they want they can cry in public to get perhaps even more attention than they would have otherwise.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Beachcomber posted:

Whatever it was looks deleted by now. What was it?

A (former?) friend of his who was older than the sister assaulted her.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

HardDiskD posted:

r/relationships: Leave the kid. Take the canoli.

The correct Italian word is "trippini"

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Power Khan posted:

AITA for not letting my husband go to the funeral of the baby he conceived with his Mistress?
No A-holes here
This is extremely difficult to talk about with anyone I actually know, and is a secret from a lot of friends and family members. Posting on an alt in the hope that people here can give me an honest answer.

My husband of 10 years had an affair that lasted approximately 6 months. He cut it off when I found out, we went to couple’s counseling, etc. Turns out the woman was pregnant though and intent on keeping the baby. I understood that if she gave birth, my husband would have to do his part in supporting that child (at the very least, financially).

Tragically though, the baby was stillborn. I wasn’t looking forward to this baby coming but I didn’t wish for this either. My husband’s former mistress has sent details about the funeral. I don’t think he should attend. He never got to meet this child and wasn’t even there at the hospital when everything happened. If this was a child he knew at all, of course my opinion would be different. But as of now, I don’t feel comfortable with him going. He (bizarrely) said maybe I should go with him. That’s a no. I obviously am not going to attend this funeral and make the woman and her whole family uncomfortable. Despite my disdain for her, I am not going to disrupt her mourning.

There are a few people in the family that are aware of the situation. My husband’s sister, my MIL, and my mother. His sister thinks he should go to the funeral. My mother says if he goes I should divorce him. MIL refuses to comment on the situation at all.

So I’m at a loss, really. Am I in the wrong, given the circumstances?

She should go to her set daughters funeral.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Baiting my wife to confess the truth

(self.relationship_advice)
submitted 9 hours ago by LimpKindheartedness8

quote:

So I’m a first time poster on here. Kind of using reddit as a last resort. So the reason I’m here is basically for advice or ideas. A bit of back story. I had been on a weekend away through work. When I got home on the Monday I realised my work phone had been left on my bedside table, I had left it there after using it to record my sleep talking using one of those sound activating sleep apps. So I thought I’d give it a listen to see what nonsense I had been talking while asleep Friday evening. After listening to fridays I then kept listening to see what my wife had been doing whilst I was away. I felt uneasy about this as it felt like spying but I did it anyway. What I stumbled across made me sick to my stomach. She had been round a mutual friends house for a bbq on the Saturday night and when she got home she made a drunken phone call to another mutual friend (we will call him douche bag) The phone call goes something like this from her end “Hi where did you go? Oh ok just wondered where you’d gone. Did you have fun tonight? Good me too. I’m glad we can be friends again after what happened between us last year. Yeah I’d like to too but if Matt finds out I’d be hosed and he’s probably kill you. Blah blah blah ok bye” So naturally after hearing this I confronted my wife and she denied it all and just said what happened a year ago was they’d both had a drinker chat and said they’d probably get together if I wasn’t around (ouch) this was obviously hurtful to hear but not grounds to leave a marriage for. Since then (it’s been about 6 months) I am 99% sure something happened between them and i feel like a prick for just letting them both get away with it but I can’t just leave her without proof. We share a lot of mutual friends and most of them originate from me and if I leave her for no reason I’m worried that I’ll be shunned for being the bad guy. I have a plan though and this is where I need ideas. So in a couple of weeks I’m away again. This time I’m going to Leave listening devices in a couple of key rooms, living room bedroom kitchen etc. I found a website that will send a private message to any number and you can also set a time in which to send it. I’m going to have this text sent about 10 minutes before I leave so she knows it’s not me that’s sending it. Then when I leave I’m hoping the text will be enough bait her to ring douche bag in a panicked state and ask him if he said anything to anyone about what happened hopefully being specific about what that thing is. I need ideas on what I can write in that text? I was thinking. “Hi just found out what happened between you and douche bag last year, hope your husband doesn’t find out” then she’s ring him saying “did you tell anyone what did last year?” You get the idea. So yeah I need ideas what to put in that text that will bait her to be specific about what she’s saying. I’m still young so if I can get out of this now rather than ten years down the line that would be good. It’s not that I’m looking for an excuse because I’m not, before all this I was happy and now I’m almost certain I’m sharing a bed with a woman that’s cheated on me.

Motronic fucked around with this message at 19:22 on Feb 12, 2020

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

chitoryu12 posted:

Honestly the only part of his behavior that seems off at all is that he's apparently made a plan for fleeing back to his home country no matter where he lives, just in case he gets in trouble with the law. That's not a normal level of preparation people have if they're not expecting to get prison time.

Seems pretty reasonable for someone who spent time in the can as a political prisoner.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Hobo Clown posted:

AITA for arguing with my wife about her new tattoo?

I'm not at all into tats and I still can't understand why he would give a gently caress.

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Monocle pops off as I see my wife's permanent body modification.

I'm glad I checked before I posted. This is way better.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

My (26f) boyfriend (25m) told me he believes the earth is flat... and I just don't know what to do with this information.

(self.relationship_advice)
submitted 6 hours ago by yilwiz


quote:

We were sharing breakfast at our favorite diner, when he goes off on a rant about how he believes the earth is flat and that the government is trying to hide another "solar sun" in the sky. He said that the real sun gives off rays and the fake sun does not and that's why sometimes you can notice an object giving off 2 shadows. Honestly, I'm paraphrasing and do not know the exact context of his words because I was so taken aback. I asked him if he really actually thought the earth was flat and he said something along the lines as Antarctica not really being a dead zone and the government doesn't allow people to go there so the public wont find out the truth about the earth being flat and something else about an ice wall.

I literally don't know how to feel about all this. Everyone is entitled to their opinions but there is common knowledge that is just the standard and what he was saying is kind of extreme. Don't get me wrong, I am huge on conspiracies and questioning all information that is given to us by the media but I don't want to picture my boyfriend as one of those flat-earth nuts. We have had similar talks like this when we first met but I could tell by my reaction, he never pressed on or discussed any of his beliefs because of how ridiculous I thought they were. I want to be in a relationship where our beliefs somewhat align or we can meet in the middle. I don't know if this is necessarily a deal breaker, he is a great man, but I feel that he overthinks things to an extreme to point where it doesn't even make any sense and he either thinks I'm too stupid to understand, or that I think he's stupid for even making the comment in the first place. For example, when we first started talking he made a comment about how nothing is healthy or good for you. I asked to elaborate and he says something along the lines of, "an apple is healthy for you, but if you eat 10,000 apples its unhealthy, therefore, apples are not healthy at all." I don't understand his rhetoric and analogies and recently I've realized that's why we don't have deep and meaningful conversations, because I don't get him and he doesn't get me.

I really don't know what to do at this point, I absolutely love and adore this man and he is really good to me and treats me with the utmost respect but is this a deal breaker?

Now I know what you're thinking the correct advice is, but you're wrong. Here's a comment from the OP proving they are perfect for each other. Can you guess what it is?

yilwiz-18 points 6 hours ago

quote:

Some conspiracies I've researched and believe are (and I will get a lot of backlash for this) that 9/11 was an inside job and the goverment is hiding or preventing the release of cures for illnesses like certain cancers/AIDs in order to benefit from the profits of treating the illness itself.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Smirking_Serpent posted:

WIBTA after having my roommate walk in on me and my boyfriend?

How is it that so many people in dorm rooms have not discovered the utility of a $2 rubber door stop from the hardware store?

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Dienes posted:

Hahahahaha, no they loving won't. For every example of police doing this, there's a dozen where they outright refused. My friend is going through a divorce and just wanted to go pick up her cats. Her ex-husband acknowledged the cats were hers in an email and said if she showed up on 'his' property (they were both on the lease) he'd shoot her. Cops refused to escort her to the house to get her cats because 'we don't handle civil matters, ma'am.'

Cops are not a dependable resource for abuse victims.

"Cops" don't all have the same jobs and responsibilities. Police typically do not handle civil matters. In most places it's the sheriff's office they should be contacting for assistance in cases like this.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Smirking_Serpent posted:

...but at the same time she is not my "type" physically.

Yeah - she's three dimensional.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Alien Sex Manual posted:

I might have had some sympathy if they had just kept him from inheriting money but the fact that they wrote it in such a way that he can’t even inherit sentimental items? Fuuuuuck that and gently caress them. They can move in with one of the siblings if things are that rough.

Also, why is this a thing that they even told him? Why is he being sent updated copied of their will?

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

DaveSauce posted:

I mean it's cool that "who cares" is an option, and frankly not bad from a LGBTQ acceptance standpoint

It's not really a good option for anyone you are in an exclusive sexual relationship with.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

coming out chat is great, but I think y'all missed something important: "I grab a spoon to pet it"

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Fiancée (F21) wants to be in a half open relationship with me (M21) Relationships
submitted 2 hours ago by Bumplerumps

quote:

We’ve been together for 3 years, and she says that she wants to be free to fool around and sleep around while she’s still young. She’s been mentioning being in an open relationship since year one, and I’ve made it clear that I’d rather be monogamous. We talked about it, and since I’m going out of state to work for a couple of months, I told her that I’d be okay with trying it. She then told me that she knew it was selfish and not fair, but she wants me to remain monogamous, because of jealousy and some other things. Now I’m not planning on sleeping with anyone else, but should I be given the option to if I end up wanting to? Or is it hypocritical due to my ramblings of monogamy?

TL;DR Fiancée of 3 years wants to be in an open relationship, but wants me to be monogamous, is that fair since I didn’t want the relationship to be open?

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Tesseraction posted:

And worse is that I'm pretty sure 40 is the multiple of ten no-one wants to celebrate because it's their first "oh gently caress I'm really getting old" milestone.

Welcome to being 40: here's your reading glasses because you already have or will soon get presbyopia. Also here is a flashlight because you're going to need twice as much light to see half as well soon.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Chomp8645 posted:

It's total speculation, but based on the stone cold behavior on display I wouldn't be surprised if she did intend to donate... until grandma croaked early and the will could no longer be modified. Granny was supposed to live another two months. With that out of the way, maybe she just decided "poo poo's locked in now, forget it!".

Why do people know what's in the will before the descendant is.....the descendant.? This makes no sense to me.....this is not regular people poo poo.

If this happens at all, are these just the last gasps of the wealthy to create drama?

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Transmogrifier posted:

Boyfriend (24M) told his boss that I (24F) died so he wouldn’t get fired

Best comment and username/post combo on that thread:

iWatchCrapTV posted:

Sounds like you're dating George Costanza

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

DaveSauce posted:

Wow, so instead of dismissing the incel/redpill/whatever dipshits as the misogynistic cesspools of failed man-children they actually are, you're trying to make some sort of honest comparison between you and them. I feel like that instantly brings you down to their level.

Imagine that.....someone who identifies with a group like this having such low emotional intelligence that they don't understand they are a different flavor of the other low-emotional-intelligence-laden groups they are ragging on.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Licarn posted:

I touched something left outside in front of my house and I think I may have invited something into my home. What do I do?

That entire subreddit is just shooting fish in a barrel for thread content.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

MarcusSA posted:

Maybe just clean your room?

Edit: Like for a dude to say no sex because your room is messy must mean its really fuckin messy.

He's waiting to finish his course of antibiotics for the STD he picked up while cheating on her.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Calico Heart posted:

Place your bets, is the husband;

A) Angling for a threesome
B) Angling for an open relationship
Or
C) Into cucking

D.) Already had or currently in an affair, angling for some way to "legitimize" it
E.) Already has someone in mind and is trying to arrange for a hall pass

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Kitchner posted:

So, not necessarily saying I agree with inviting random drinks into your house but what would you do? Just leave an extremely drunk and lost girl on her own on the streets?

The only other solution I can think of is literally handing her over to a police officer and saying "Not my problem anymore" before you leg it.

Yes, if you are that concerned you do call 911. It's not calling the cops, it's calling emergency services. Think EMTs and things like that.

Otherwise maybe it's

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tif1C6dwH6o

FYI, former paramedic.....have dealt with a lot of drunk person hand-offs. We'll deal with it.

No....we don't want to. But we will.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

The guy (30m) I've been seeing has been struggling with a rare illness, and I (31f) have spent a lot of time supporting him. Now it turns out it he may have made it all up. [new]
submitted 2 hours ago by throwfakeillness

quote:

I feel like I woke up in an 80s lifetime movie that was panned for being "too loving stupid.. even for a Lifetime movie." I'm gonna do my best to make this as succinct and straight forward as possible, but I'm still collecting all the pieces myself so apologies if it's a bit long and rambling. I promise it's at least a weird ride.

I've been friends/co-workers with "James" for over four years now. We weren't in the same department, so it was more of a casual friendship where we spent most of our time the same circles. A couple years ago, I transferred to the same department and we ended up frequently working in small groups or even one and one.

About a year ago, James confessed he had feelings for me. I told him I wasn't really in a position to explore that- I was in the midst of ending an abusive relationship (one of those overly long, drawn-out painful endings) and I needed to see that through, and then have time to recover before I considered dating again. He said he would respect the space I needed and keep things platonic, but it would be difficult.

Around this time he also confided in me about an ongoing health issue he had. It was a rare disorder- the main symptom of which was severe bouts of aggression- sometimes accompanied by blackouts- where he would have a complete lapse in memory from the moment the aggression started until he came out of it. He said he'd been dealing with it since his teens- it took a long time to figure out what the problem was until his parents took him to a specialist who was able to diagnose him and come up with a treatment plan. James said the condition had gotten a lot better since his teens/early twenties, but it was still something he had to think about/stay on top of regularly. And that he still sometimes had "bad days" where he "worried he would hurt someone if he didn't lock himself in his room." Also (this is maybe significant later,) his parents were apparently traumatized by his behavior pre-treatment, and currently refuse to talk about it or even acknowledge any of it happened.

For the last several months, we've kind of had an on and off undefined romantic thing. I've been very clear that I don't feel emotionally ready to commit to another relationship yet, but we're also very close and often by ourselves working incredibly late hours so... stuff has happened. We check in a lot and I ask him if he's okay with our "it's complicated" situation, or if he needs space to make sure I'm not leading him on and he always insists he's fine with the way things are.

After awhile, I felt uncomfortable with the amount of pressure he was putting on me and thought it was affecting our working relationship as well. I asked to back off from the romantic stuff for awhile, and he agreed. Shortly after, the symptoms of his health issue came back. He started having a combination of intense anger attacks or panic attacks. He would get triggered by certain sounds or crowds, or people- in person he would pace, spasm, shake, repeat words/phrases, sometimes suddenly yell and then seem to struggle to stop it. I of course encouraged him to see a doctor. He refused and said most doctors don't understand his condition. It went on for three weeks before he agreed to call the specialist in his home town, who referred him to another doctor in the city we live in currently.

James got some tests done, said the doctor had "never seen anything like the lab results" and got some different medications to take regularly. The attacks seemed to subside, although his doctor was worried about his levels or numbers or whatever not going down, and sent his test results to another specialist involved in a related research project. This specialist responded by immediately booking an overnight observation for James the following night- which just happened to be the same night as a really important work event, so James was upset. I suggested he ask to reschedule. He called the office and said they were angry about it, but agreed to reschedule him for the following week.

I offered to drop James off/pick him up from the hospital, and he thanked me profusely. The night before, he called me and told him the specialist had canceled. The research center that would have provided the facilities for the overnight observation had “gotten cold feet” because of the rescheduling, and pulled the funds from their research grant. The specialist chided him again for asking to reschedule, and said he’d look into other centers that might be willing to put up the funds- but it might involve James having to fly into another city. James was really freaked out about being flying to another city and being alone during this- I offered to fly with him if he wanted, and again he thanked me profusely. Over the next week he followed up at least every other day with both the specialist and his current doctor (who also apparently scolded him for rescheduling) and eventually got the response that the specialist wanted to move on with his research project, and was no longer interested in the observation.

The whole thing seemed very odd to me, so I asked about the specialist and what center he was connected to. James told me the name and the hospital. I spent some time looking them up- the hospital showed up, but I couldn’t find any record of the doctor’s name anywhere. Not connected to that hospital or the area he specialized in. This kinda weirded me out, but I’ve known James for five years now and also didn’t want to worry him any further so I decided not to bring it up.

Over the next month, he’d occasionally have moments where he’d start to have a freak out- leave to take his medication and return. I noticed I’d never seen the medication, even when I spent the night. A few weeks ago on my birthday, he told me he’d gotten a call that the specialist who’d originally diagnosed him- the one he’d stayed connected to since he was a teenager- had passed away. I sympathized of course and tried to be supportive. In his story about the phone call, he mentioned the doctor’s name. When I got home that night I googled it. With any different types of spelling I could come up with. With and without his home town, the specialization, ect. nothing. Over the next couple weeks I even checked the obituaries from his home town. Also nothing.

I felt like an rear end in a top hat for obsessing about it, so again I didn’t bring it up.

Then a few weeks later while I was at his place there were a few odd things in a row, and I finally got up the guts to ask if I could just see his medication. He’d literally gotten up in front of me, used it and come back the night before. He acted confused, but said sure. Then he couldn’t find it. He went into a panic and tore apart his room and his bathroom, nothing. He’d of course never misplaced it before. He asked me if I had taken it. I said no, and let him look in my bag to reassure him. I admitted I’d asked because this was all becoming a lot to believe, and it’d do a lot for me to be able to see one item of physical evidence that this was all real. He felt bad, and I apologized for the implication. He said the medication was probably at work and he’d be able to get it tomorrow.

It wasn’t. A few days ago, we got in a larger conversation about this and I asked if there was anything he could show me, like even a listing for the doctor he sees currently. He gave me his name, the name of the clinic, the address and phone number from his contacts. The name doesn’t show up. The clinic doesn’t show up. The address exists, but it looks for all purposes like an apartment complex. The phone number connects to a large hospital in our city- to the same specialization his health issue is for, but the doctor he said he’s seen isn’t listed.

James has always been bad with with practical details, I ask are you sure this is the number you were calling every other day just a month ago? It’s not possible it’s a different number? He says no it was this number.

I ask him if he’s felt the need to make all this up to get some kind of attention, or get me to stay around. And tell him that if he is, I’m not going to hate him, but I really need him to come clean and not drag it out. He promises that he has distinct memories of going to these places and making these calls, so now he’s worried he’s crazy.

I ask if he’s truly being honest about this, would he be willing to sit down with me and try to get records of any of it- his prescription medication from the pharmacy he had fill it, the phone records from his service provider that would show what numbers he did or didn’t call. He says absolutely. I ask if there are close friends from his past that know about this condition he would be able to talk to and confirm with? He says yes. I ask if he’d be willing to, he’s hesitant but then eventually says yes.

Here’s the thing, writing this out I know I sound like an idiot. I would not have gone along with any of this if James was just a person I met on a dating app, rather than a friend I’ve watched be a reasonably functional person for nearly five years. Is it stupid for me to even try to figure this out with him? He’s still kind of my best friend. I guess if he didn’t just write down every single piece of info wrong (which is kinda James-like, tbh) and we get it evidence to magically show up in the real world after correcting some typos- he’s either lying or crazy. This is a person I have very reasonable conversations with every day. For years. He sometimes doesn’t think things through, but I’ve never seen an instance of him being manipulative or cruel. I’ve also never seen evidence of him being insane, either. If he was actually that delusional, wouldn’t there be other signs? He’d be more than just a genuine guy who sees the world as it is, except for this one giant thing?

TDLR:Friend/co-worker/romantic partner has had rare illness with severe behavioral symptoms. After a few events in a row don’t add up, I ask to see any evidence- the medication he says he uses, the names of the doctors he says he’s seen, anything. Nothing shows up. He insists he’s not lying, and instead acts freaked out like he’s suddenly discovered he’s crazy and doesn’t know why none of this seems to exist. I don’t know how to respond.

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Found out my best friend (25 F) has been using my pictures (26 F) to catfish a guy she’s been talking to since 2015

(self.relationship_advice)
submitted 3 hours ago by ThrowRA0021

quote:

Man... I don’t know where to go from here so I thought I’d go to reddit.

My best friend, we’ll call her Maggie, and I met our freshman year of college. We are now roommates and moved in together two years ago.

In 2015, my best friend spent spring break a couple states away, and matched with a guy on tinder. When she came back to campus she immediately told me about him and how amazing he was and how they only went out to dinner once but that they were talking 24/7. I got super excited and asked to see a pic. That was the only picture of him she’s ever shown me.

Over the past five years he’s literally been her whole world. She talks about him constantly. She always has her nose in her phone. She gets clingy when he takes too long to text back, she’s cried to me a few times because she’s lurked on his social media and seen he was around other girls (my roommate doesn’t have social media herself). I had asked a few times why they have never met up again and she said they’re both too busy and don’t have the money for the trip. I even told her that he could stay with us and that would save some money. He’s sent presents and even flowers on Valentine’s Day every year. They’ve basically been dating this whole time.

So yesterday my roommate picked up a shift at work and was gone. I get a knock on our door and I open it to a guy. He says hi, and I give a confused hi? And then he barges in and scoops me up into a hug. He starts saying “I thought you were working? I was hoping your roommate was here so I could surprise you when you got back” And I am so confused. I immediately get down and back away and let him know I have absolutely no clue what he’s talking about. My brain can’t even process what’s happening.

Then he looks confused, and says, “Maggie?” And I’m like no.... that’s my roommate? My roommate and I look nothing alike so I’m even more confused. Then something kind of clicks and I think oh my god is this the guy she’s been dating? So I say wait, are you Adam? And he gives me a very slow yesssss, and I get excited and say “oh my god I bet Maggie is going to flip out! I can’t believe you’re here.”

His demeanor completely changes. He asks me what I’m talking about. I’m Maggie? And I tell him no, I’m Summer. Maggie’s roommate. At this point I’m still completely missing something he has just pieced together. He just says “holy gently caress” and looks like he doesn’t know what to say. Eventually he asks if he can sit down. I invite him in. He then proceeds to tell me for the past five years, he’s thought he’s been talking to me. Every picture he’s ever seen of Maggie has actually been pictures of me. I’m completely dumbfounded and we don’t know what to say to each other at first. So he gets out his phone and shows me proof. He has tons of pictures of me saved on his phone, and went to their messages and showed me proof that she’s been sending them to him. I felt and still feel completely sick to my stomach. I get out my phone and show him real pictures of her. I tell him maybe they could just talk when she gets off of work? And he’s really pissed at this point. I say maybe we should call her first and let her know he’s here.

So I do that and she starts flipping out. Saying she’s not coming home. Tells him to leave and that she won’t talk to him. He calls her and starts yelling at her over the phone. After everyone calms she eventually comes home. He’s hurt and accusing, she’s crying, I’m sitting there awkwardly. She tells him that she’s still the same person he’s had feelings for and he screams at her, “no, I thought I was in love with your roommate!” And that completely makes her break down so I tell him maybe he should leave for the night and everyone should have their own space. He agrees and after he leaves she goes completely psychotic on me and starts throwing poo poo around the living room. Tells me she hates me, I start crying, it’s a mess.

I left to stay with a friend and haven’t been back so I don’t know what’s gone down. I feel like I have no idea who the person I’m living with is and I feel weirdly violated. Do I move out? Do I try to call her? She hasn’t even texted me. I don’t know how to deal with this situation

Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

Smirking_Serpent posted:

honestly it's a really important question and I have no idea how to answer it.

I work with someone who is just chronically late, and once every month or so just doesn't call in and misses work. When he is here he's a bit incompetent and definitely kind of stupid.

I have no idea if he has any kind of issue or condition in his life or if he's just lazy, but part of me just wants him fired because it's a pain in the rear end.

But from my limited interactions with him, I don't know if he would really be able to improve his work ethic ever, at this job or another one. So someone is going to be dealing with this problem for a while. I don't want him to be out on the street. But gently caress I wish things were different.

Bone-idleness is not a medical condition.

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Motronic
Nov 6, 2009

RenegadeStyle1 posted:

I'm perplexed he said it

SLURRED it. I'm assuming he went to pick up the kid while drunk, because that makes the rest of the story fit together.

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