- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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AITA for firing my housekeeper for not acknowledging her christmas bonus + new year raise?
quote:I (4XF) have had a housekeeper come every couple weeks for about two years now. We pay her somewhere between $100 and $150 each visit to clean about 2400 sqft of house. The payment is in cash and is given to her in a envelope stuck to the fridge. Most of the time we don't see her because she comes when we are at work (she has a key). Most of our communications have been over SMS. Sometimes we can go a month without even texting each other.
Last year, at her last visit before Christmas, we gave her a Christmas card with a $100 in it as a Christmas bonus. She thanked us over SMS. This year, we gave her a Christmas card & $100 with her usual payment, but we did not receive a thank-you SMS. We thought she might have been too busy or something else. Also, for 2020, we wanted to increase her visit rate by $10. So we put in an extra $10 in her envelope for the first visit in the new year and was going to tell her about the raise when she asked about it. Cleaning day came and went, and she took the money and didn't send us any SMS mentioning the different amount in th envelope.
To eliminate any doubts that she lost our number or other technical errors, we sent her an SMS asking to change the schedule slightly. She responded immediately, so it's not like she lost our number.
Now, my husband wants to find someone else because he thinks that an honest person would have told us about the extra $10. And a considerate person would have thanked us for the Christmas gift. I have my doubts- maybe she's angry at us because she think we're underpaying her, or maybe she's busy with something else during this busy season. But I don't understand why she wouldn't have acknowledged either the Christmas bonus nor the extra $10.
So, would I be the rear end in a top hat if I stopped using her over not acknowledging these two things?
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Jan 13, 2020 11:19
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Apr 23, 2024 16:10
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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When I first started practicing I made a mistake
quote:When I was fairly new to witchcraft I put a curse on my ex. My intent was that he would get hurt. Which he did he got into a really bad accident and totaled his car and broke his neck. He’s fine now. But a few weeks after the incident the week before Halloween I had three pets die in the same week. A dog, a cat, and a tarantula. I don’t believe in the rule of three, could it have been me projecting something back on myself because I was inexperienced? I haven’t tried to curse anyone since then Incase those two situations were related.
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Jan 13, 2020 12:45
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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I (25F) am struggling to cope with my (29M) gamer SO's lifestyle and I'm feeling resentful
quote:Let me say first that I'm on mobile so I'm unsure what the formatting will look like and I'm a first time poster but avid lurker so bear with me if this comes out a bit rambly, all over the place and disjointed. I just need advice.
I guess I'll start from the beginning. Bf and I met online back in late July of 2017 after I had just gotten out of a long term relationship (4 and a half years) so I was broken and we hit it off really quickly, expressing that we would like to attend a music festival (I'd already been 4 years in a row at that point so it wasn't like I was stepping into unknown territory) I hadn't planned on going to together.
Thing's moved pretty fast, he added me on facebook, found a last minute ticket for me, we facetimed realised that our humour just clicked and I travelled to his city to meet him for the first time.
He was really kind to me and introduced me to his friend's that weekend. We drank like I hadn't for years and he showed me around his various haunts and alternative bars which was awesome.
So, after the festival we began seeing eachother and became exclusive that Christmas.
Anyway, early on I noticed that his flat was always untidy, cans, pizza boxes, crisp packets, dishes not done etc and put it down to just a 'man' thing but after 2 years it's actually just laziness. He has done the dishes once or twice but not on his on accord and only after me getting on at him to help me out. He will also occasionally vacuum but it never stays clean due to having pets that spill seed on the floor on the daily.
I also don't live with him 24/7 and I have responsibilities I need to take care of during the week back at my parent's place so when I come back it's often a riot of clutter and it really stresses me out.
I probably should have put this is my main point but here we go. We are both gamers but he takes it far more seriously than me to the point where he extremely aggressive and shouts at his screen when he dies. He has 0 patience for other games apart from Call Of Duty, which used to be something I enjoyed playing with him until I couldn't stand listening to him screaming down the headset in my ear.
Resulting in me no longer enjoying playing with him/being in his presence when he plays and for the past 2 years it has impacted my sleep a lot because he can play from midnight till about 6am and the walls of his 1bed flat are paper thin. This has brought on many arguments where he claims to be unable to control his aggression and says that if he doesn't let it out he will break something. I will say though that he has never risen his hands to me but has punched a hole in the wall of his gaming room and broken a few controllers... this scares me as I wasn't brought up in an aggressive household or been around violence.
He also has been signed off for a few years now due to mental health and has no ambitions to seek therapy for unresolved trauma from his teenage years (he thinks it's a waste of time and doesn't want to share his past with strangers) with my encouragement or to try and better himself. I can't force him to do anything but I feel like since I'm trying to better myself (I'm currently on benefits and seeking employment) and get better as I'm also suffering from poor mental health at the moment that he should at least try too because it would help both of us.
Everything is great when we're hanging out, listening to music and going to see live bands together but it is often overshadowed by his past insecurities. May not seem like it from this post but I do enjoy his company on the daily.
Overall, I feel like I can't progress in our relationship till he gets his poo poo together and although there are times that I really love him and feel like he cares about me but the bad parts push that away. I can feel myself drifting and yearning for something more.
Anyone got any advice for me?
Sorry about the big rambly mess.
TL;DR Been dating a guy for 2 years who has no ambitions, leaves his mess for me to deal with and gets extremely aggressive while playing video games which is impacting on my mental health and ability to sleep/function as an adult.
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Jan 13, 2020 15:09
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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I (24, F) kind of want to end things with my boyfriend (20, M) of 2 years because I want to be with girls, but I can't because he's a good guy
quote:My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years. He is a great guy, he is honest, trustworthy, and he truly loves me and cares about me. He has never done anything to hurt me. An all around A+. When he and I first got together I was so happy and so crazy about him, we get along great and always have fun together. About a month ago, I officially came out as bisexual (he knew that I have been with girls in the past) but he was not so happy about it because he told me that he now sees EVERYONE as a threat, not just guys. He even asked me if I had a thing going on with one of my friends because we took a girls trip together one weekend.
Around the end of October I met a girl on Tumblr (we both liked a certain movie character) and we hit it off and exchanged snapchats and numbers. Turns out she is bisexual too and I kind of have a hardcore crush on her. Obviously I would never cheat on my boyfriend, but I can't help but want to be with a girl again. This girl lives halfway across the country, and I'd love to meet her. I told my boyfriend that I was starting to have feelings of wanting to experience things with girls and that it was nothing that he had done (which is true). He got extremely upset because he really wants to be with me and he has put so much into our relationship. He told me that he wanted me to choose him and be ALL in with him and that he wants me to put all those feelings behind me. The thing is I can't imagine my life without him, we do everything together. But I just see him as more of a friend now and I hate it. I don't even want to have sex with him anymore, I feel like complete poo poo. I feel like an awful person, because he is such an amazing guy and I feel like I'd be stupid to break up with someone like him. I have someone who loves me and says he wants to marry me and I'm going to throw all of that away because I want to experience relationships with girls? Is that awful of me?
I am seriously so depressed because I don't know what to do. I don't want to hurt him. I don't want to lose someone who actually loves me, but at the same time I just don't have the feelings I used to. I really don't want to be with another guy ever again. This has happened to me before in a previous relationship I was in with another guy and all I wanted was to be with a girl. My internet friend has really brought the gay out in me (sounds stupid, I know) and I keep digging myself even deeper into this hole I don't know how to get out of. My boyfriend and I argued last night about this whole situation and I STILL couldn't get myself to break up with him because he started crying. I don't want to keep wasting his time but I feel so lost without him. He told me that no one could ever love me like he does and that I won't be okay without him (which I do believe) but gently caress I just want to be gay with girls. I regret ever getting myself in this relationship. I didn't think this would happen to me again but seriously every time I'm in a relationship with a guy I always end up wanting to be with girls.
Honestly, does anyone have any good advice? I feel like I'm never going to escape from this situation. I don't want to hurt a good guy.
TLDR; Been in a relationship with a great guy for 2 years, but I want to date girls and I don't want to hurt him
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Jan 13, 2020 15:25
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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I know my GF is a prostitute. Now what?
quote:I’m 49 and got divorced a few years ago and recently starting dating again. I joined a few dating sites and connected with a very attractive woman [40] and while very pleased, immediately recognized her.
She was a prostitute. I know because I had visited her many years ago (12). But it’s definitely her.
She doesn’t remember me. She still owns the location she used, but has since stripped all reviews and mentions of her anywhere online. I don’t think she is still doing it but don’t know for sure.
Here’s the deal. She was ok as an escort. She’s fabulous as a person. Warm, funny, sexy. I fell for her and am still.
I don’t really care what a person does for a living but want to get some advice on what do I do now? I don’t think I should bring it up. I like her and she likes me. I’m inclined to just let things play out. And mention it to anyone? I don’t think so.
Any advice?
tl;dr I [49] know my girlfriend [40] is a prostitute. Now what? Need advice on how to handle.
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Jan 13, 2020 20:19
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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Girlfriend jumped the shark tank?
quote:Tldr: girlfriend thinks demons are responsible for why my.daughter doesn't like her.
girlfriend 45 and myself 43 have been together three years and it used to be great. Then I learned of her anger issues after we moved in together. When something doesn't go her way she gets explosive. Well it happened a few times when my kids were over. They are 12 and 10. My.kids used to look up to Dad's new girlfriend because she was different and cool.After one big fight she left me. The right was ridiculous and my kids saw it for what it was. They felt bad for me obviously and my daughter being older decided she didn't like my girlfriend anymore.
Well we got back together and made up sort of. It was alot of sacrafice on my part and rear end kissing. My daughter didn't approve but said she would try and let it go. Well it was fine for about 6 months then we started arguing over dumb poo poo. She just started nit picking me because she is compulsive obsessive. If the chairs aren't pushed in all the way at the table, or dresser drawers not lined up right, house needs to be vaccumed every day or it's a pig sty. Always her way or she would explode. One night she wanted to watch TV in the bedroom it was like 1230 and I wanted to sleep. Big fight on hiw it was her room too and she should be able to do what she wants in there. Well she hit me with a pillow and stormed out after a bunch of yelling. Well on the middle.of it my daughter came.out of her room and said for us to be quiet and stop fighting. Well my girlfriend later into her telling her to mind he own loving buisness and go back in her room.
Tough night made tougher the next morning when my daughter told her not to tell at.me and call me names while we were eating breakfast. Girlfriend said to poo poo up and if she was her daughter she would just smack her for back talk. Of course my daughter freaked out and said if you hit me.my dad will hit you and an argument erupted. It ended with my kids and I leaving for school early.
While at school and me at work my girlfriend went thru my daughter tablet and read her messages about hie much she hates dad's girlfriend. So my girlfriend took away the tablet. She feels she can do this because she gave the tablet to my daughter so to teach my daughter a lesson she took away the tablet. My daughter was furious. And ever since this event this happened back in June my daughter wants nothing to do with my girlfriend. Says she is afraid she is going to hit her and that she is a aliar and a thief. I have tried for months to reapir the damage. However my girlfriend will not admit she was in the wrong and my daughter doesn like how my girlfriend treats me if she doest get her way. So it has been hard.
I love them both and want it to work out but it just doesn't. Girlfriend always has something to say about my parenting and my daughter just shuts down when girlfriend gets weird. So.. My girlfriend unwilling to listen to reason came up with the answer last night as to why my daughter is the wsy she is. Possessed by demons. My girlfriend talked to give of her online friends and they all confirmed that my daughter is possessed and that my girlfriend is in trouble, possibly for her life. She started to tell this to me last night via text then as a conversation after the kids went to bed. I have never heard such bullshit in my.life. I don't think I can come back from this kind of crazy.
Has the relationship jumped the shark tank?
quote:Here I the text she sent me before we talked about it after the kids went to bed. I told her I don't want to hear this kind of bullshit. She then told.me I am a portal to evil as well and I am no longer allowed to touch her. Wtf am I to do...
"I've been having some of my healer friends study Alora. They are in agreement that she has demonic parasites . She needs help and no wonder I have a very hard time being around her."
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Jan 13, 2020 20:39
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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It really bothers me [31F] that my boyfriend [29M] asked me for $15 for a box of condoms
quote:I’m the type of person that’s “ill get it this time, you got it next time” and not keep track of things with friends. If I see something a friend/boyfriend would like, I’ll happily get it because it makes me happy to give. My boyfriend lives far away from Trader Joe’s and loves a particular sauce so i get it for him regularly as I frequent the store.
In our relationship, we initially took turns paying for eating out, but he felt like he was paying more so I said we’ll just each pay for our own meals to make it easier.
It really bothered me that recently he asked me for $15 for a box of condoms he purchased because I felt it was extremely petty. While I am happy to regularly gift things and regularly supply him with Trader Joe’s goods, the $15 demand felt like it invalidated things ive purchased and just felt like he was counting dime for dime.
While I make slightly more money than him, he is extremely reckless with his spending. He just went on a cruise (I’m assuming expensive), gambled away $600 (he supposedly budgeted for it), and as soon as he got back he got a $100+ robot vacuum. I understand if he’s feeling poor after a trip, but it’s hard to have sympathy when he gambled away a months rent and THEN bought a $100+ luxury cleaner. He also speeds a lot to the point of being on a probationary license and says that he would have rather paid for the speeding tickets instead of take the class, and once his probation period is over he will go back to speeding regularly- and drat those speeding tickets are expensive. I also have no financial sympathy when he’s liberally speeding and not changing his behavior in spite of hundreds of dollars of speeding tickets and increased car insurance premium.
It seems like because he spends liberally and recklessly for himself, he’s scrapping up pennies and doing that to me.
I know I can’t tell him to spend more money on me when it’s just money, but I’m not asking him to pay for my stuff. I pay for my share and am very generous with him. I don’t expect him to be as generous with me, but just don’t ask for $15. I feel like it comes down to him being reckless with his money and not generous.
I told him that the condom $15 bothered me, but that was an isolated conversation about condoms as opposed to a global conversation about him not being generous.
Him not being generous is really affecting me because I feel like I’m in the “oh I guess we are keeping track of money” mentality and I feel like I can’t be my true generous self and give freely. It’s mentally exhausting thinking about $10 here and $10 there.
Suggestions for how to approach the conversation? I feel like the conversation would essentially be dancing around the two points of him being financially irresponsible and petty...I just don’t know how to say it in an accusatory way.
Tl;dr: boyfriend asked for $15 though he recklessly spends for himself
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Jan 13, 2020 20:46
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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My(27F) boyfriend (37M) plays Dr. Mario but never saves his game. Is this normal behavior?
cautionary tale about getting into a relationship with a 32 year old at 22
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Jan 13, 2020 23:40
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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WIBTA for giving a speech telling the story of how dad met his wife at his wedding?
quote:My ex and I got together in 2016, we introduced our parents in 2017, we broke up early 2019.
The reason we broke up is that my dad and her mum got engaged. They apparently hit it off when we introduced them back in 2017, dated in secret for a while, and told us they were dating a few months before they got engaged. We then broke up. We had our problems, but we would not have ended things if they hadn't gotten engaged.
Our parents know, acknowledge, and have apologized for how hosed up it was that they got together knowing we were a couple, but have said that they're adults and we can't tell them what to do.
Their wedding is in a month. My ex is going. I contacted her to ask how she wanted to handle us becoming step siblings, and if she wanted to hide our past relationship, and she said "everyone knows already, no point lying".
Both of us have been asked to give speeches. My ex is not the type to be petty or make a scene. I, however, am.
I have 2 speeches planned. The first is the typical sappy "best of luck and may you have a long happy life together" speech you'd expect from any son at his father's wedding, and the second is a very passive aggressive "I remember introducing you two. Because I was dating your wife's daughter. And now you've made us siblings."
WIBTA for giving the passive aggressive speech?
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Jan 14, 2020 10:36
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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I(24M) saw my GF(F25) hand feed another dude. Crossed the line?
quote:Not sure whether that crosses the line. We've been seeing each other for a week and definitely had strong chemistry. We went to a party with lots of friends and friends of friends. I noticed that she was talking to our acquaintance for good 15 min and later I caught a glimpse of her feeding him pocky chocolate sticks off her hands while sitting at the table with a group of other friends. I saw her give him that thing just once when I entered the room. Moments after, she came to me to chat and hold hands etc. She seemed like nothing happened but I was boiling inside. She never talks to this guy outside of that party. Am I overreacting? It felt like she crossed the line to me. How would you react? Weeks after that, I brought it up and she said that she's doesn't remember any of this(alcohol) that she is sorry and that must have looked horrible to me; however, she strongly claimed that there was nothing romantic involved as she would never make a move on a guy she barely knows and in a such an obvious way. At that moment we did not discuss being exclusive.
We've discussed it since then and agreed on boundaries and she also found this behaviour unacceptable. If she also thinks that this is inappropriate, is there any chance that she was not flirting at that time? Could I be projecting?
TL;DR A girl I am seeing for a week hand fed another guy at a party. I feel like she crossed the line, she claims that there was nothing romantic involved. How would you react?
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Jan 14, 2020 10:58
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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I [28M] think I have a problem with my girlfriend [20] partying
quote:TL;DR My GF likes to party a lot and it's affecting the relationship in an unusual way, first of all, I trust her and this has nothing to do with me being jealous or being paranoid about what she does when she's out.
She still lives with her father and works part-time at a restaurant. Since she entered working there, she has been going out like 3-4 times/week. Some days are just 2-3 hours but others are full party-hard mode until 10 AM. She goes out with her male friends from the restaurant with are close to her age and single (please remember that I really trust her). The thing is that I don't go out with them because even though I did it one day, I didn't 'fit' too much on the group. One of the guys tried to kiss her one day and she rejected him, but she still goes out with him because he is on the same group as the others (which I comprehend and have encouraged her not to leave the group because of one guy). She thinks the guy is a moron but she has a cordial relationship with him because they are co-workers.
The problem is, that her lifestyle is affecting the relationship. There have been some days (a lot) where she has prioritized meeting with them instead of me, not consciously, but they have spoken about going out and she has agreed to meet up with them before asking me first. One day she was sleep because of some naughty party and she didn't come to have breakfast with me despite we already met. And most of the days they go out simply because they end up late and they just go have some beers, which screams to me that this is like a lifestyle for her. She even was expelled from college because of the partying affecting her obligatory presence at the classes, and her explanation was that the thing she was studying wasn't really interesting for her and hated it.
A couple of months ago I felt like utter crap for not feeling ok at she going out with her friends, like those clingy boyfriends that like to know where his GF is and with whom. But after thinking about it, besides everything I've said I think I have a problem with it because of many more reasons. The fact that she goes out that much not only affects the time we could probably spend together but I also think that affects the time she could use to develop herself as a person. She is intelligent, but culturally, she falls short. She loves makeup and is very good at it, but besides that, you can't really have some meaningful conversation with her in any matter... From politics to books, videogames, movies, philosophy...etc. I enjoy speaking to her because I love to share my interest but seeing her choosing to have this lifestyle makes me think that she isn't compatible with me...
I spoke to her recently and her explanation was that this is a moment in her life that she has nothing more to do than going out (since she was expelled) and that things will probably change once she starts another degree. She also apologized because of her falling sleep that day and for having prioritized her friends some times. Everything that she said felt reasonable and she sounded regretful. But on the other side.. today, on Monday, at 2:30 AM I'm thinking about a possible job opportunity that has arisen and she hasn't even read the text I sent a couple of hours ago about me wanting to discuss it further with her.
I need a bit of advice here guys because I really think I'm very cloud-minded as of right now.
Thank you
EDIT: Thanks for all the responses, it really helps to put things on perspective
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Jan 14, 2020 11:43
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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please don't use the r-word
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Jan 14, 2020 14:05
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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AITA for posting on r/legaladvice despite my wife not wanting "information about her" posted "out there"?
quote:So, long story short, my wife and I are going through a spot of trouble, and I decided to post or r/legaladvice to get some... well, advice. What I posted had absolutely NO identifiable information whatsoever about me, her, or anyone else involved.
She came upstairs as I was typing the post, and said she didnt want me posting it because she didnt want information "about her" posted "out there" where people could see it. I pointed out that there was nothing in the post that could be used to identify her, and the post could have just as easily been about someone from a thousand miles away, and there was no way for anyone to know anything about her or me or anything else. She insisted she still didnt want it "out there" because it was about her. I told her she was being unreasonable, and that it makes no sense to object to this information being posted. I mean, if I posted a totally made up story about fake people, would it be reasonable for her to object to that? I also pointed out that this was a very serious issue we were dealing with, so the questions NEEDED to be asked, and that this was too important to just say "Well I dont like it so you cant do it." Like, it needed to be done, and itd need a much, much better reason than "I just dont like it" for it to not be done.
She says Im not listening to her and just deciding to do whatever I want without considering her feelings. I feel that I did consider her feelings, but I came to the conclusion that this was too important, and had to be done anyway. Not to mention that the objections she had just werent reasonable. If she had a better reason than "I just dont want it" then I might have considered, but as is, thats a pretty flimsy reason for something as serious as legal advice over a major, potentially life-altering issue we were dealing with.
She says I was being inconsiderate and ignoring her, I say she was being unreasonable and that sometimes, you have to do stuff even if you dont want to, and that if you dont like it, sometimes you just have to get over it and do it anyway. Thats life; sometimes you have to do stuff you really dont want to do. If you "dont want that infromation out there" then the reality of the situation is "too bad, it had to go out there anyway because this is important." And it would be one thing if the information was actually anything that could even remotely be traced to us, but it was so generic that it would be impossible for anyone to tell it being us from it being any of the other hundreds of thousands of people in our state.
Shes been acting really cold to me and basically avoiding me and refusing to even talk about it. Ive been trying to talk to her and resolve it but she doesnt want to listen to reason, she just wants to be upset. Am I the rear end in a top hat?
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Jan 14, 2020 15:44
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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quote:I always rinse them off, usually with soap but not every time. They don't leave the bathroom so I'm not as thorough as I would be with my hands if I'm honest. Always soap after a poo for sure though.
he never washes his hands with which he touches the poopy gloves that he only sometimes washes, and even when he does wash the gloves he doesn't do it thoroughly.
dude's a walking cholera epidemic
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Jan 14, 2020 17:13
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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This is just going to confuse people. Also, this guy would've broken up anyways and the way I know that is that it's not really a big deal what your parents are doing, whether they're dating each other. It should have no bearing on a relationship between adults, and I think this guy is just using that an excuse to be angry when actually the relationships died on its own.
Keep your bratty mouth shut at the wedding imo
he's convinced their parents were deliberately trying to make it awkward so they'd break up
I (28m) am starting to wonder if my dad (50m) and future step-mum (50f) intentionally broke up me and my ex (27f)
quote:Full disclosure: I posted about this situation in another sub, because I was debating giving a speech at their wedding saying that they met through us and then started dating behind our backs and now they're making me and my ex step siblings, but after reading comments and on rethinking I either will give a nice speech or won't give one at all. When I posted in the other sub, I got a comment asking if they'd actively tried to break us up and I didn't think they did but after replying with a couple of examples of how they acted and looking back at what went on I am now rethinking my view and wondering if they did have an ulterior motive, but I know it might just be me looking for something that isn't there so I'm hoping this will give me an impartial opinion.
My ex and I got together in February 2016, we introduced our parents in December 2017, we broke up April 2019.
I'm not going to pretend we were perfect, we did have our problems like any couple, but it was stuff we could have come out the other side of and were working to fix, we were living together, and I was planning on proposing.
Around January 2019 my dad and her mum told us they were dating. When they told us it threw us off and when they accused us of being unsupportive we explained that it was weird for us that we were dating and our parents were dating, to which they responded that they were adults and they couldn't live their lives solely to make us comfortable. They also said that it's only weird if we make it weird, they don't mind that we're dating, and them being a couple shouldn't affect our relationship because they'd already been together over a year without it affecting us, and they said this a few more times in the next few months.
We saw them about once a month after they told us we were dating (down from 2 or 3 times a month) and when we saw them they'd engage in PDA, which was fine, but a bit odd for us to see, especially as people say all the time that I look like my dad and she looks like her mum. If we ran into someone we knew, like a family friend, they'd introduce us as their children, as in "these are our children and they also happen to be dating" and would treat it like a joke.
Then our parents got engaged in March 2019. After this they would tell us that once they got married we'd be "siblings" and wouldn't say "step-siblings" because they feel that blood relatives and related through marriage are equal status because we're all family. There was also one time where dad made an offhanded joke asking me how it feels knowing I kissed my "sister" and I have a full blooded sister I grew up with as well so that was really near the mark for me. I snapped at him to never make that joke again and he said he wouldn't but because they insisted on calling us brother and sister I always worried they would make a joke out of context and someone would get the wrong idea and involve my real sister.
That April my ex and I had a long talk and we agreed that our parents getting married was too much for us and we broke up because of it. The way we saw it was that it was no one's fault, we thought we could get past it, but it was just too strange a situation to sustain. I've mostly moved on (I am aware how this sounds given the topic of this post) but the other post made me think back a bit and now I'm not sure if there was actually something going on or if I'm just looking for someone to blame.
Edit: I've been told to add here that I'd told dad I was looking at engagement rings before he proposed to her mother and he said to wait until I was sure. I didn't think it was important because I'd only said I was looking at rings, not that I was planning on proposing, but apparently it was more important than I realized.
TL;DR: My ex and I broke up because her mum and my dad got engaged. At the time we said it was no one's fault but now I'm starting to think our parents were trying to make us so uncomfortable we broke up. Am I seeing something that isn't there or were they trying to end our relationship?
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Jan 14, 2020 20:11
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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lmao why is the witcher so loving horny
something about slavic culture
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Jan 14, 2020 20:37
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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anti-gaming fiance
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Jan 14, 2020 20:48
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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It was a sit-in, which is a form of rising up
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Jan 14, 2020 20:51
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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Man (23), Broken, and In Love with Someone (never asked her age). What should I do?
quote:I am a man, 23 yrs old, adhd, mentally unhealthy a little, in grad school to pursuit career as researcher, not working, broke, in debt (student loan), living with my mom (my dad already dead and gone since I was three), and in love with a person I met in a class. We happened to have coffee sometimes in the past few months and now I asked her to date, which she replied yes. But I suppose it is not yet a sign that she would date me another date or agreed to have permanent relationship with me, which I am craving.
She is a professional translator, which shows all the hard work in the past and ongoing. She already established herself and now stepping up, applying for my university (other grad school). I not only love her but I deeply respect her. When looking back on myself, I know that I don't deserve her, in other words, she doesn't deserve me, you know. And this thought was fortified when she said to me (in a coffee shop): "this country [my country, she learned its language] is hard for women [to live]. I need to finish my study and other things [accomplishment in job?] as well as fast as possible, so that I can have baby [implying lack of support for women, which is true]. I envie men because they could keep studying as long as they want." This was said as general statement, I think, but these words never left my mind. She is trying to stay responsible for relationship and family, and I might be looking like those "men" for her.
My life plan, that I decided when I was 18 yrs old, was that, since I couldn't even do simplest tasks well (due to my adhd I didn't know at that time, I figured it out near the end of undergraduate, because my family kept ignoring the symptoms, and because of constant failure I decided there was nothing for me to achieve, developing mental health issue), I would avoid any way competitive or itself difficult, not go to top university (maybe support you good) but ones at the middle level, cover (myself) in debt, weaken future chance to be financially stable, and stay alone, not having family or anybody, keeping people out from my broke(n)ness and other troubles as well. So I don't even feel like I have right to ask her to have long relationship with me, after all these choices I made just to take away decency from me. I thought I was tactical because my life was deemed to be poo poo no matter what. But I might just look lazy, making wrong choices out of laziness. (Lazy is kind of my word, many people called me that). She told me that her favorite word is karma, so that could be how she see (my) brokeness. And I was planning to study abroad because that would increase my chance to get a job here, but that takes time, 5 or possibly 7 years or so, more than staying here to get phd, 3 or 4 years (I'm working on master degree now). How can I ask her to be with me and also leave her in a year or so for more than 5 years? How can I ask her to be with me, however, and also ditching myself into the risk of un-/underemployment, making myself look unestablished? What should I do?
I have no intention to go weep like a baby for lack of self-esteem in front of her. But I am worried how I look to her, How she think of me, What kind of person she thinks I am, etc... primarily I was reading articles and video like "how to tell if someone likes you?" but google started showing me ones titled "why you should avoid dating broke guys." (I'm trying to have her perspective). Simply we are likely to drag their feet. Not entirely true nor entirely wrong, But my point is this echoes what she said to me.
Maybe the only thing I need to know and I need to do is to not fall off the road and get a job asap, but what would be your advice for me to be worthy?
---
TL;DR: I am suffering from possible gap between expectation my crush has and who I really am.
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Jan 14, 2020 22:22
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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GF used to be a slut, is mentally unstable and depressed. Should I pull the plug?
quote:I couldn’t really think of a good title so the first thing you should know is that I still deeply love and care for this girl. Me(24M), her(23F)
Okay so there’s a lot to go over here. I’ve been dating this chick for a year and half now and although I had my suspicions before, I didn’t know this until recently. She told me she has slept with over 40 guys and of course that made me feel disgusted. I am the one who wanted to know because I had some suspicions. It was bugging me in the back of my mind and I didn’t want to go the “ignorance is bliss” route. She hasn’t cheated on me and said she didn’t cheat in her prior relationships either.
Apparently(if she is telling the truth), a lot of it happened in the span of two years while she was in university dealing with a drinking problem and an absent father. This is going back about 3ish years now. However, She very rarely drinks anymore and prior to our relationship she was in a 6 month relationship.
She does still deal with a ton of depression issues and a lot of the recent ones started to come up about 8 months after we started dating. In hindsight, it might not have been the best idea to move in. There does seem to be something she gets upset about every few days and it’s extremely challenging to go multiple days without arguing about something. There are tons of fights and we’ve become really good at making up with each other but I don’t think the core issues get solved because we just end up having more arguments about similar stuff. We’ve lived together for for about 4 months now and since then, she has cut herself twice before I told her that I’d leave her over it if she didn’t stop. She has smashed her head against drywall and that left a large dent in the wall. She has talked about killing herself plenty of times and I believe she is in the process of getting some anxiety medication which I think would be beneficial. I love her a lot still and she loves me but wow it’s been really stressful at times. Definitely a lot of good times together but for sure I think there’s been more bad times. Probably something like 55% bad and 45% good.
We have a 8 month lease together that’s up in April. Basically, I’m moving back home afterwards since I’m done school. It is important to note that I was already heavily considering breaking up with her prior to learning about how many guys she’s been with. One of the main issues though is the lease. If I decide to break up with her, I don’t want to tell her to just get out because that’s a good amount of money to give up. Also I don’t know how well living in the same house but being broken up would go. At this point, I’m considering just waiting it out till April when I graduate and deciding what to do then but things keep happening to the point where I’m not sure if it’s just better to uproot everything now while I’m in the middle of a busy school semester.. what should I do?
TL;DR - My girlfriend of 1.5 years is at times suicidal, extremely argumentative and has slept with a ton of guys. I still love her but should I break it off or wait until school is over to decide.
I know it’s a lot but thank you for taking the time to read this.
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Jan 15, 2020 12:15
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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In love with the wrong (married) man
quote:So I [30F] met this guy [30M] on Tinder almost 4 years back in 2016, we connected so well. We met, had sex and then he blocked me without an explanation. Of course, I was heartbroken, but I moved on. Then after six months or so, he texted me again to apologize, again, we connected and started a casual sexual relationship, which continued even after he changed cities (I traveled over to meet him on my own dime). This went on for almost a year. We had a falling out because he stood me up once after I traveled over to his city and then stopped responding to me. Then one fine day he blocked me again (sometime around Dec 2018). Of course, I was completely heartbroken again, I definitely had feelings for him, I liked him too much. It hurt, but I moved on, however, the same cycle repeated where he texted me to apologize six months later. This time when I responded, he told me, he had been having a steady girlfriend all the while we had been hooking up (from back in 2016) and had gotten married to her in December. I do not know what prompted me to even forgive him this. We started connecting again, and of course, I fell back into the rabbit hole. He is apparently unhappy in his marriage, but he will never give it up. We have now hooked up 4 times now (after knowing he is married), and every time, I feel badly used. I know I need to distance my self from him but I am so attached to him, doesn't help my self-confidence is not great either
TL;DR - In love with a married and selfish man, knowing its wrong, but not able to let go
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Jan 15, 2020 13:17
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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How has no one posted berth el pup yet?
And the follow up:
the update-update after it was pointed out that someone would probably google that phrase which would lead to the reddit posts
quote:Oh my god you're right.
I told him this ten minutes ago. He knows that I reddit (he's a redditor too), and when I brought this up in the first place I told him that I asked reddit for advice and showed him the original thread. It's the main reason why we ended up going to therapy in the first place. He was actually the one who suggested that I update you all on the situation.
After I told him that someone could just Google berth ell pup and find the phrase in this thread, he looked me in the eye and said "That's so loving hot."
When he goes to work I'm leaving. He'll find this post eventually but I don't care. I need a few days to cool off and reconsider my options. He's ill. He needs serious help and I think I'm going to call his brother to tell him (without specifics). I texted my aunt already and she'll be here to pick me up with a moment's notice.
and to spoil the fun, a year later, the op posted in /r/drama about making these, so the posts are likely a creative writing exercise by some chud who probably posts on voat/gab now
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Jan 15, 2020 16:44
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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She's the rear end in a top hat for trying to garner sympathy by including her irrelevant tragic backstory
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Jan 15, 2020 19:59
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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AITA for being disgusted that/embarrasing my boyfriend for jerking off at work?
mods, please rename me to WiLd HoRmOnEs
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Jan 15, 2020 20:43
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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AITA for calling an Uber to take me to the E.R. for a broken bone?
I thought about getting an ambulance but I've heard horror stories about the bills you're stuck with afterwards
In Europe this is very abnormal
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Jan 15, 2020 22:54
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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I'm in a relationship and my long-term ex GF is coming back to live in my city after a few years of absence
submitted 2 months ago
quote:OK, so I (M,31) have been in a relationship with my ex (F,27) for four years during my mid- and late twenties.
The reasons why we broke up, now three years ago, are mostly economic; we are from an Eastern European country where salaries aren't that big and a lot of young people pursue opportunity to work in Western countries. Not myself because I am from a relatively rich family, so when she decided to go to work abroad I decided not to follow her. Soon afterwards we broke up but on very good terms and I have a great opinion of her. We would occasionally send message to each other, congratulate birthdays etc.
It was tough, we were even discussing marriage prior to her decision to leave, and after she left I just couldn't picture myself with any other girl for a long time. Until six months ago, when I met and immediately hooked with my co-worker (F,27) (I hear that's becoming forbidden in West, here that's quite OK), and I can say with her I became happy once again after a really long time. Things are starting to become serious and I don't mind at all, I'd love to get married and to have children and to live that "boring" family life.
Now, my ex suddenly sent me a message a few days ago telling me she decided to come back to live here after New Year, she couldn't live there anymore and she found a job here so that's for definite (her words). She knows I'm in a relationship for sure because of social networks but she also wrote me she would like to meet me on a drink, and I said sure. Day before yesterday I liked picture of hers on IG and after that she send me a message first asking me how I am, then all of a sudden proceeding to write how she just couldn't meet anybody after we broke up, she doesn't like Westerners and our people living there are either in a relationships or not matching her criteria and that's one of the reasons she's coming back. I gave her some neutral responses because I realized what's she's implying and to be honest that scared me a little bit. Yesterday by chance I met a friend of hers in a restaurant and she immediately asked me if I know my ex is coming back and how we should meet all smiling.
I don't know what to do, I realise I might have an opportunity to again be with my ex I pictured myself being married to, but also I'm in a relationship with a really quality girl I wouldn't like losing and with whom I also started conversations about something more.
I'm totally confused as this never happened to me...
TL;DR I'm in a relationship with a great girl but my long-term ex with whom I broke up on a great terms due to distance is coming back to town soon and wants to see me implying there can be something more between us and I don't know what to do.
Didn't listen to some good advices here, and I(M,31) kinda cheated on my GF(F,28) with my ex(F,28) and now I wish that didn't happen
submitted 18 hours ago
quote:What can I say, I eventually decided to meet with my ex alone on a drink a few days ago, and it looked like a conversation between good old friends right until the end when I decided to escort her home; we start teasing each other and suddenly spontaneously ended up grabbing and kissing in some dark alley. It stayed on that, I just told her I'm sorry and she said the same, she went home and me too. No contact afterwards.
I'm ashamed of myself cause I have never done anything like this previously in my life, but sexual tension was so high at those moments I simply couldn't help myself, it felt good for a moment and I won't deny it.
However, as a result of everything I realized I want to be with my current girlfriend for sure, there would be no point in continuing the story with my ex because when I subsequently analyzed our conversation I figured out she changed as a person, I myself probably changed as well since we broke up, and only physical attraction between us remained. And you can't build a serious relationship and marriage just on that. Plus she left me so she could pursue a career, she's here just because she didn't like her life abroad, can't trust her and trusting is everything in a relationship.
Which is why I don't think it's a good idea to say anything to my GF, no one will know. I feel bad for her, she's so nice and sweet to me and she doesn't deserve me with my cheating behavior, she deserves me in my best version. Which from now on I intend to be.
How can I deal with my guilty conscience ? Should I really not tell her ? Are there any kind of circumstances it's acceptable for me to confess her ? I would like her to be my future wife if things between us continue to develop current way (hope I won't jinx it for writing that here)...
TL;DR Had a few drinks with my ex I didn't see for years, it ended up with us kissing; but nothing more than that, and I realized I don't want to be with her but with my current GF; Whom I have serious plans with so I decided not to say her a word but now I have a guilty conscience...
top comment on the original post posted:DO NOT MEET YOUR EX ALONE.
If you think you can be friends with your ex, bring your girlfriend.
If you intend to get back with your ex, dump your girlfriend.
If you are at all confused about these two options, dump your girlfriend.
DO NOT GO OUT ALONE WITH AN EX WHO MAY WANT TO DATE YOU. This would be hugely disrespectful to your girlfriend. avoid doorways fucked around with this message at 12:20 on Jan 16, 2020
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Jan 16, 2020 12:18
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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(nb. all formatting is from the original post)
I [24f] am slightly paranoid that my finace [25m of 3 years] is gay - am I crazy?
quote:So fo course your first question is going to be "so how did you get all the way to being engaged if you didn't trust him!"
That's not really the case, I feel like I'm probably more nervous than average about things, I can pretty easily get myself worried about something that isn't true or isn't worth worrying about in the first place. I do work on it, and I'm generally good at letting things go now.. but this.. I do tend to wonder a little bit... and here's why.
When I first met him, at a party at my uni, I thought he was possibly gay... but you could say that about any male at art school... when a vast number of them are actually straight, just more sensitive, creative, and in tune with themselves. He was well dressed, groomed, and absolutely gorgeous... and he was hitting on me.
Of course, one thing lead to another and here we are! Getting married!
Our relationship has been really spectacular, we've moved in together and life is looking really good, but I have a tiny fear that he might actually be gay and repressing something. I don't know if it's because he's so gorgeous and I'm wondering how he could possibly love me, or if I actually have a leg to stand on for my fears.
The case for him being gay
- one drunken night at a party, very early in our relationship, before we were officially dating, he was upset because he felt like I wasn't into him and thought that I was talking to another guy (he was just my friend lol), to which he said "I could be going after another girl, or a guy I guess, but I want you and you aren't giving me the time of day!"..... or a guy? We were drunk, I didn't know if he just meant 'of all the people out there...' or what.
- Thinking back actually, the first time that we had sex I guess I could actually describe it as "mechanical"... which is a term I see used when someone is in the closet and going through the motions of straight sex. I thought that maybe it wasn't great because it was our first encounter.. obviously I gave him another chance ;-)
- He comments on attractive men's appearances.. to me. This could be interpreted a few different ways. He's a very respectful guy in a lot of ways and wouldn't be the tacky type to tell me how hot some woman is... he wouldn't say something to me that would put me down. So either 1. He's just very comfortable with his masculinity and can recognize an attractive person, or 2. it just slipped out.
- There are two significant instances of the above - 1. We were at a really big event/party/music thing... and both of us were rolling. We went up to the bar to get some drinks and one of his friends was there who he introduced me to -- referring to him saying "this is a beautiful man", holding his face, saying "don't you think so?". Mind you - we were very messed up. The other times we have done this sort of thing together, he has been very in love and affectionate with me.
- instance 2. We were at a dinner show with his friends - he looks across the crowd and says to all of us "that guy over there is really attractive"... and pointed him out to all of us
- He's concerned about his appearance and dresses a bit more colorfully, sometimes appearing gay. Before we were together he was in a phase of dressing very put together, going way back to his early teens, he was always dressed a step above the rest - I don't know if this was encouraged by his parents, who are also conscious of appearances if it was just an early sign of his self-expression and creativity (he went to art school after all), or if he's gay
- He can last a reeeeaaallly long time in bed. Sometimes we have marathon sex, sometimes we've gone for 2 hours, average, 1 hour, we have only done a handfull of quickies in our relationship, only because we were pressed for time. Is this because he's super passionate? Or because the sex isn't getting him off (sometimes he does slow down because he doesn't want to cum/wants it to last longer).
- He jokes with his guy friends about them taking it in the butt. I don't know if this is a guy thing or not, but I notice that he makes the jokes more than they do.
- He clears his internet history. Now I know this is something some people would get really concerned about - but he's a very organized person. There's a really good chance he's just doing it to clear cookies and make his computer function better - that or just erase general porn history.
- He's protective of his phone. That's the only device he does really keep to himself. However, I can be protective of mine for reasons like... asking this question on the internet lol.
- He's had long-term girlfriends from an early age. I wonder if he was trying to cover something up? There was a period of time where he mentioned he didn't have a girlfriend and slept around with girls, he was worried that he would never find someone that he really cared about.
- His parents may have thought he was gay. When he mentioned this, I asked him point-blank if he ever thought he was, he said he definitely isn't gay. I generally wonder if this is just something guys deal with with their parents.
- I think he asked me what I would think of him if he was bi. Now, this is a very fuzzy memory, and I remember it taking place, early in our relationship, in my bed really late at night when we were just chatting. I really, really can't remember much, so I don't know if it was significant. I think I said something along the lines of "yes, I would think of you 'differently' but not in a bad way or any way that would change how I feel about you"... then I asked him if he was, and he said no.
- He's closer with his mom. And grew up with sisters, this can just make someone more sensitive and emotionally in-tune... but some people think it's a sign.
- He likes when I finger him. Disclaimer! This is something that I had always wanted to do to a guy and that I initiated in our relationship, he just let me try it. Sometimes he likes it, sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes he really gets off with it - but hey, both gay and straight men have prostates. He has worn a butt plug with me before - partly to get me more comfortable with using one myself. He has also mentioned that hs has fingered himself, alone, on a few occasions, I don't know if he was just saying that because he thought I would think it was hot, if it was true, or what.
The case for him NOT being gay
- The way that he looks at me is so pure and so real. I think the only other people who have looked at me like that have been my parents. His eyes literally glitter when he looks at me and he gets this goofy smile, and absolutely melts. The first time I saw this look from him was when he looked at my driver's license photo lol. Sometimes I just catch him looking at me and I ask him why he is, he says its because he likes to which usually follows with a big hug.
- He's british. I'm from the US. Since moving to his country, I have found that all men tend to dress better than they do where I grew up, and they tend to be a bit fruitier in general. It's not as easy to tell.
- He's always touching me. He's definitely a physical person, that's his "love language" I guess you could say... but he always wants to touch me, hug me, he loves cuddling, loves contact when we sleep, random kisses, likes touching my hair, picks me up, squeezes my cheeks, etc.
- We have a lot of sex. Obviously it has gotten much better from that first encounter that I mentioned. It has definitely gotten more passionate... and the rare "mechanical" action can be chalked up to being tired. He always likes to put his hand down my pants, simply walk up to me and get under my clothes, slap my butt, etc. We usually have sex once a day, sometimes twice.
- He seems to like going down on me.
- He is very concerned about my pleasure. He likes to get me off multiple times, which is easy for me because I'm a woman and I'm lucky lol. However a tiny part of me wonders if that's just a goal he's set for himself?
- We can both feel the physical chemistry. Like we've both talked about experiencing this together. If we're both really turned on, we can feel how turned on the other person is, and how close they are to cumming, it's like this energy.
- He almost instantly cums if he watches me squirt. He's really into it.
- He has a stash of our dirty video chats. We were long-distance for a period of time... and skype came in handy. He never told me that he was doing it, but he screen recorded all of our "sessions" and saved them to get off to later. He only revealed this to me wellll after that phase of our relationship had passed.
- He asked me to marry him for god sakes! And he cried when he did! I don't see why he would want to commit the rest of his life to me if there was something else that he wanted!
I apologize for the length of this! Am I being ridiculous? I do seriously fear that one day, even 20 or 30 years from now he could just come out, and leave me and whatever stage of life I'm at in a total heap. Maybe I think it's all too good to be true? Maybe I'm trying to think up a complication that isn't there? Should I ask him point-blank? Should I soften the question and ask if he's bi? Should I just stop worrying?
--
TLDR: I have this worry, rational or irrational, that my fiance might be gay. I've listed the reasons why I think this, and the reasons that could serve to show that I actually have nothing to worry about. Ultimately, I'd like to learn how to banish my concern.
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Jan 16, 2020 12:52
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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Can I get a link to this one? I gotta read the comments but it’s not coming up on search.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/epgf6p/aita_for_buying_gundam_m19/
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Jan 16, 2020 13:24
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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The older two are gone, one was in the first thread, and I’m on mobile.
There's a bot that copies the text of every aita post into the comments
AITA for not caring my nephew "got into" my weed edibles and had to miss school because he had too many?
quote:Background: My sister and her teenage son (he'll be 17 in Jan) have been staying at my house the past few nights because she had a big fight with her boyfriend and they live in his house. When she asked if she could stay, I removed all weed-related things from any of the communal spaces and placed it all in the closet in my room (i.e. vape, weed, edibles) because I know my sister is against it (despite my legal, medical use) and she doesn't want my nephew knowing I "do drugs."
Anyways, apparently my nephew went into my room and consumed some very strong edibles (clearly marked as to what they were) - so strong he got sick at night and was still high this morning so he had to miss school. My sister, on top of being pissed that her son made a wrong choice (doing drugs, not stealing from me), was also pretty pissed because she had to call out of work to stay with him. We fought all last night and then again this morning about me leaving them in his reach, being a bad influence, etc. She insisted that I'd call out of work to babysit him all day as it's the "least I can do" and it's my "responsibility." I told her that I couldn't call out of work because there are currently no other therapists to cover my patients on such late notice (my sister's job is a lot easier to call out of as there are no legal obligations or things such as patient abandonment), and walked out because I couldn't be late.
She's been texting me all day rude, nasty messages telling me that I don't care about the health of my nephew or that I'm avoiding facing responsibility. So I sent her a text telling her while I do care about my nephew's health, I'm not concerned as she is because she's overreacting how "sick and frail" he is. I also told her that since HER son was the one to go into MY room WITHOUT permission and take something that is NOT his, I do not feel responsible. I had an hour's notice to gather everything into my room (I don't have anywhere I could lock the stuff up) - which I didn't have to do - and I figured my nephew had some respect and wouldn't go into someone else's private space and take stuff that doesn't belong to him.
TL;DR: 16yo nephew went into my room without permission and took/ate some of my weed edibles. He got super high, got sick, and then had to miss school today. My sister insisted that it's my fault and I should've stayed home with him instead of forcing her to call out. She's acting like my nephew was in serious danger and that I didn't care. Due to my job, I couldn't just call out 30 minutes before I had to be at work. I basically told her I'm not responsible for her son's poor choices.
AITA for going through my nephew's belongings AND kicking him and my sister out of my house when they have nowhere else to go?
quote:This is basically a part 2 to yesterday's post. Background: Sister and teenage nephew needed a place to stay last minute (she had a big fight with her BF) so I took them in. My sister is VERY anti-marijuana, so I hid all my medical marijuana in the closet in my room. My nephew went in without permission, stole edibles, got too high and had to miss school the next day. This caused a massive fight between my sister and I, basically her blaming me.
Anyways, I waited up until 3am for them to come home so we could talk what happened but they never came home. I went through my stuff and realized I was missing more than what my nephew claimed to have taken so I went through his belongings and found the containers for the missing edibles AND an empty container for an 1/8 oz of weed, along with a vape pen that isn't mine. I called/text both of them to call me asap but they didn't respond. This morning I received a text from my sister informing me that she told my nephew not to respond and that she would handle it - she didn't even really know what she was handling, she thought it was just a couple of edibles and not about $150 worth of weed.
I told her what I found hidden in my nephew's socks and while she was definitely more pissed than I thought she'd be about her son stealing so much (yesterday she deflected it all on me and tried to defend her son's stealing), she was also pissed that I went through his belongings. And don't get me wrong, I DO feel lovely for going through his stuff because 2 wrongs don't make a right, but I did it from the perspective of me wanting to see what he took rather than being vindictive. My sister, however, sees what I did as childish revenge. Keep in mind I wouldn't have done this if they didn't avoid me all of yesterday and we were able to talk about things.
After getting off the phone, I took all of their belongings and put them in my garage. I changed the passcode to my front door, locked my garage door from inside the house, and text my sister the code to my garage. I told her if her and her son can't even face me to talk about what my nephew did and how she's been acting in my house, then she can take her stuff and leave. I received a call a little while ago from MULTIPLE family members basically bitching at me for being a lovely sister, trying to guilt me into letting them stay there. I DO feel bad about leaving them without a place to stay but I'm over my sister's bullshit and I don't want to keep feeling like a guest in my own home.
TLDR: I went through my nephew's personal belongings to find stuff he stole from me. Him and my sister have avoided me since yesterday morning. I kicked them out of my house. I feel like I may be an rear end in a top hat for invading his privacy (like he did to me), and possibly even more for kicking him and my sister out of my house when we have no close family (closest is more than an hour away). My family definitely thinks I'm an rear end in a top hat right now.
AITA for not contributing to my nephew's present after he stole from me and never paid me back?
quote:For background, my nephew stole my medical marijuana from me back in the fall while he and my sister were temporarily living with me for a few days. It was a big issue. He got too high and sick, my sister blamed me (he went through my closet to find them) and it started a major fight. To this day, neither of them have apologized. The holidays were FUN lol. For the record, he stole about $150 worth, but if I were to replace it, it'd cost over $200 because I got a lot of stuff with a discount when I first became a mmj patient.
Due to my sister's lifestyle, she often struggles around christmas and birthdays and has relied on my parents (and me once I finished grad school) to help get presents for her son. I never minded, as we'd often split the cost of the gifts and I love the dude. However, after her stole from me and never apologized/his mom wouldnt let us talk about it, I informed both of them that I would not be contributing to his presents this year as I still haven't seen the $150 he stole. Of course, I didn't show up at christmas with nothing; I gave them both $50 visa gift cards - I just wasnt also giving my sister $200 to purchase joint gifts.
Well his 17th birthday is next week and I recieved a phone call from my mom basically telling me I'm being too harsh on both of them and that I'm being ridiculous by not letting it go when I know the hard life they have (my sister chooses to barely work and live off the men shes dating until she cheats on them). She insisted that I accept what happened, let it go, and help give my nephew "the birthday he deserves." Meaning: my sister and parents are putting money towards a weekend snowboarding trip for him and friends and they want help funding it because it's more than they want to spend.
I feel like I need to stick with what I said back in october. I'll still get him a gift, but I'm not contributing several hundred dollars for this joint present. My sister has barely spoken to me outside of holidays when she needs financial help. I'm not angry towards them, I still reach out (they usually dont respond), and I'm not holding a grudge. I just don't feel like it's appropriate to throw money at them when 1) they owe me and 2) my sister and nephew dont appreciate it.
TL;DR: nephew stole $150 from me and my sister defended him. I usually get him one present for Christmas and birthday, then get a joint gift with my sister so she can get him the more expensive gifts that she cant afford by herself. This year, I only gave him a small present at christmas and will do the same for his upcoming birthday because of what he owes me. My mom thinks I need to let it go and give my sister $300 towars a snowboarding birthday trip.
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Jan 16, 2020 17:21
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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AITA For “Mansplaining” Breastfeeding
Good grief this guy must be insufferable to live with, so sorry for the wife and kid. Looking forward to more content from the inevitable divorce.
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Jan 16, 2020 20:16
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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There's gotta be something we're not being told about the coffee story, like they're the office assistant or something, and it's part of their "unwritten duties" to make new coffee or something.
They're the office administrator and they say they've held that title at other places and never been expected to make coffee until now.
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Jan 16, 2020 22:53
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 23, 2024 16:10
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- avoid doorways
- Jun 6, 2010
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'twas brillig
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Gun Saliva
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AITA I accidentally killed my Mother in Law
quote:This all started and happened back in November but my Wife still says it's my fault and that there's no one else to blame but me
My wife's mom was dying due to stage four cancer and we were called one day to essentially say she was on her last few days. We went preparing for the worse and after a long and hard fight with cancer she finally got some rest. That night on our way out of the hospital my wife saw a lady bug and freaked out to collect it. Her mom was nicknamed ladybug and said on occasions that she would want to be a ladybug once she dies. I figured this was a stage of grief and went along with her. She built an enclosure for her the ladybug/mother in law. After about a week I started to ease a bit since she stopped referencing the ladybug as her mom but would still spend alot of time near the cage. About two weeks later I remember I was doing the dishes when I saw something flying and instinctively slapped it. You can guess where this is going..... Turned out ladybug escaped and my wife was looking for it but low and behold I found her first. I felt terrible and offered that we do a service for her but she just cried and ignored me the rest of the night. She's kinda given me a cold shoulder about it since but it's slowly getting better although whenever I bring it up she just says I killed her mom and moves on. Should I have not offered a funeral for the ladybug? I don't know what else she can be mad about other than the accident of killing the ladybug.
Tl;Dr Mother in law dies and my wife finds ladybug to which she proceeds to call her mother. Couple weeks past I accidentally kill it and she has not forgiven me since. I offered to give the ladybug a funeral which is the only other reason she can be mad at me for I think.
post was removed because "This post violates Rule 5: We do not allow posts which concern violent encounters."
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Jan 16, 2020 23:49
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Jan 13, 2020 11:19
and go into hiding before you are drained.
