r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

My best friend of seven years just confessed he's had feelings for me for six of the years.

quote:

I'm lost, I'm confused, I'm hurt, I'm scared, and I don't know how to go about it. We met online, but live a few cities away and quickly became best friends. Tonight he just admitted that he's seen me as more for the past six years. He's been there for me through everything, just like I've been there for him. And he's saying he's changed so many things about how he lives his life because he wouldn't want me to be with who he once was. I love him unconditionally and I would do anything for him, but I just wish he would have never told me this. We've been on the phone for two hours, and it's been him admitting everything and baring his soul. I don't know what to tell him, and this will probably get buried but I just don't know where else to go. She was 16 and he 22 when they first became "friends".

The comments on this one are a horror show as you might expect at least it's not 100% of the people saying that this guy is honorable and did nothing wrong.

# ¿ Jan 13, 2020 18:18

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 06:57

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

My (20f) boyfriend (20m) hates that I go on "dates" my dad (45m) sets me up on

quote:

Sorry for clickbaity title but didn't know how to sum it up

I don't want to be too specific because that would defeat the purpose of a throwaway but my dad hosts a lot of parties for charity. He often "pimps me out", as my friends so delicately describe it, to clients with sons my age. Nothing incredibly creepy but "oh, you don't want to come? But you have a son my daughters age, she'd love to meet him! You bring him and they can go off while we talk business".

He started doing this when I was about 16 and the guys were always age appropriate and nothing ever happened, but it was still loving weird, and it would be up to me to entertain their sons (who were usually rich brats) while dad tried to squeeze the largest possible donation out of the parents.

There is nothing sexual/romantic about these "dates", and I often lie to them and say that I've just gotten out of a relationship or I like someone else so I make it clear that nothing can happen between us. These "dates" are also funded entirely by my dad, who buys me an outfit, and pays me by the hour to attend. I can make anywhere between �100 and �600 a month, depending on how many events he needs me for and how many hours the event takes.

It's a really weird situation, I am not denying that, but as a student living off campus in one of the top 5 most expensive cities in the country, this extra money from dad is really really useful. I already live in the cheapest flat I could find, practically live off ramen, work a part time job and have student finance, but the job is minimum wage and due to my course load I cannot take any more hours/jobs and due to dad's income the student finance is low as they assume he will in part be supporting me, which he will only do if I attend these fundraisers and "date" these guys. I graduate May 2021, at which point I plan to move to a cheaper area, work full time and never go to these parties again but in the meantime this is how I pay my way. Dad has also said if I continue to go on these "dates" until my education is complete, he will pay all of my student loans back in full.

I met this guy 6 months ago. We were FWB for 3 months and then that progressed to actual dating. He really isn't happy about the whole situation. He wants me to stop going on these "dates" even though I've explained to him that nothing romantic/sexual ever happens.

I said I need to do this just to make rent each month and he seemed to accept that, but then the last "date" I went on sent me flowers. I made it clear to this guy that nothing was ever going to happen, but every now and again one of them gets persistent. The trouble is I can't be outright rude to them as they're often people who keep coming back to fundraisers but if I'm too nice then poo poo like this happens. I sent the picture and a message saying something to the effect of thanks for the flowers, however I like someone else and the guy replied saying it was fair enough but he had to shoot his shot.

The flowers resparked this debate. My boyfriend hates everything that's going on and wants me to stop but I need this income and it's not like anything romantic/sexual has ever happened. The flowers are unfortunate but I took a picture so I could thank the guy and then threw them out immediately after, and nothing will happen with him because I am with my boyfriend. My boyfriend, however, is now not speaking to me.

EDIT: for people who want the numbers: my flat, just for rent, before bills and anything else, is over a grand a month, which is considered cheap for where I live. My job pays less than a grand per month, despite me working 6pm til 2am 5 or 6 days a week. Due to dad's income student finance give me barely over 3 grand per academic year as it's assumed that he will pay the rest of his own accord. My university requires me to be there in person from 8am to 4pm every single weekday, for seminars, lectures, and unpaid work experience, and I have to be in all of this time. Without dad's money I cannot afford to finish uni.

I can't give up this source of income, as without it I'd be lucky to make rent each month, and that's before everything else I need to pay out, however my boyfriend really hates it. Is there anything I can do/say to fix this situation that doesn't involve me losing half of my income?

TL;DR: Dad pays me to spend time at parties with rich brats my age, my boyfriend hates it but I can't give up the income. How do I make this situation better?

# ¿ Feb 3, 2020 04:21

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for dropping out of my sister's wedding even though I'm her only family if my kid can't come?

quote:

So I'm a 23 year old guy, and I have a 4 year old daughter. I'm a single dad since my kid's mum passed away in an accident two years ago. I'm not gonna lie and pretend it's been easy, we're getting by. Aside from her my big sister is my only family. Mum is dead, Dad's a piece of poo poo we have no contact with, don't have any grandparents or aunts or uncles or w/e.

My sister is getting married in three weeks. Her wedding is child free, which I totally understand. However, the wedding would mean me being out of town overnight, and my daughter has some issues with separation anxiety, meaning there are only a few of people she's comfortable being left with for such a long time. One of them is my sister, one is my neighbour and one is my coworker/best friend. Obviously my sister is a no go for babysitting on the day and my friend is out of the country on that date. Originally, it was planned that my daughter would stay with the neighbour. However, two days ago neighbour had a bad fall and broke her hip. She's an older woman, so the healing process is going to be hard and she's not going to be up to having a kid running around in 3 weeks. This, obviously, has left me without a sitter.

I asked my sister if she'd be willing to make a compromise and let my daughter attend the wedding, but she and her fianc� are steadfast they want no kids there. I apologised and said I'm not going to be able to attend, then, because I obviously can't leave my kid by herself and she's not at a place yet where I can leave her overnight with anyone else. My sister is really really upset because now she isn't going to have any blood family at the wedding, and her fianc� had some very choice words for me regarding my daughter's anxiety problems and how he thinks I'm using them as an excuse. He even went so far to say she's just being a brat and I need to stop enabling her, which pissed me off. For context, her issues come from the fact that she was in the same accident that her mum died in, and we're working on them with a counsellor but obviously these things take time.

Idk. I feel lovely abandoning my sister, but if she's not willing to have my kid there I don't know that there's much else I can do. AITA for saying that either my kid needs to come or I can't go?

# ¿ Feb 9, 2020 07:58

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

My boyfriend is going to a date party with another girl on Valentine�s day

quote:

Me and my boyfriend (let�s call him Jake) have been dating since high school and are now in our third year of college. We go to different schools but they aren�t that far away so we visit each other as much as possible. For Valentine's day, I asked Jake if I should go visit him, to see if he was busy with sports (he plays on the club water polo team) or if he had a test coming up, which he replied that he had a game that was an hour away from his campus on Valentine's day and said that he probably wouldn�t be able to spend as much time with me on that day so I decided I would just come another weekend. A week ago, one of his friends from school, (let's call her Meg), texted me and asked me if it was ok that she takes him to her date party on Valentine's day. Some background on Meg, she goes to school with Jake and has gotten closer with him throughout college. Jake and Meg text everyday and this is something I've brought up with Jake and told him I'm not exactly comfortable with it. He tells me that I'm just insecure and to not be so jealous. Jake and Meg have also had feelings for each other in the past, that is the main reason it makes me so uncomfortable that they text each other so much and spend a lot of time together. She also insisted that she couldn't find anyone else to take so I said that it was fine for him to go but I am very uncomfortable with it. I brought it up with Jake and he asked me why I keep asking about it, but I was also just curious about how he was going to get back from his game in time for her date party. I guess I do feel jealous that I don't get to see him on Valentine's day and that he's going on a date with another girl, am I overreacting or do I have a right to be upset?

# ¿ Feb 10, 2020 23:32

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

Husband (29M) was �sexting� a girl behind my back. She sent me the texts. Cue the �I can explain, I swear� line. Apparently, he was egging her on to blackmail her because she has been stalking him.

quote:

Out of nowhere, I (28f) received random FB texts from a random girl. The screenshots of the texts had my husbands phone number and they involved him and her discussing how they would meet up to �f***� no strings attached. She would ask about me, he told her we were separated. She asked about STDs, he told her I�m clean. Etc. These texts dated from 2017 till ending of 2018, a timeline during which we were boyfriend/girlfriend, then husband and wife. They were sporadic. But many texts were exchanged.

Naturally, I call him and tell him it�s over, I can�t believe him, he�s a liar and cheating POS, etc. He pulls the �I can explain� crap on me. Apparently this chick has been stalking him for 10 years. After he dumped her in their teens, she had it out for him. Always contacting him, trying to ruin his past relationships, contacting his family, trying to be with him at all costs. He showed me proof and his family and friends knew who she was and they tried to calm me down.

I was so confused. But apparently my husband wanted to bait her into exchanging explicit texts with him so he could send it to her bf at the time (she was taken) so that it would cause trouble for her. I didn�t understand why it had to resort to him �pretend� sexting a girl. The messages were very explicit. She has sent him nudes in the past, uninvited and unprovoked. He never told me about ANY of this, and I don�t know who the heck this girl is. He kept it from me, kept the nudes from me. He also saved them as evidence. He stated he wanted to protect me because she has a criminal record and he didn�t want to involve me.

He claimed he did send her ex bf the �evidence� but they had broken up so husband�s plot was foiled.

After she contacted me, he finally went to the police. He couldn�t get a restraining order bc he would lose his guns.

I�m at a loss. He was also sending her texts during a time where we were separated (for a month). That�s why it�s so fishy and off to me. It makes sense but at the same time it doesn�t. He even told her we were separated. I know they probably didn�t do anything but I also remember him being extremely elusive during the separation month. We didn�t see each other much at all.

What should I do? He was defensive at first, saying he can�t believe I�m freaking out over this girl (like I�m supposed to know the whole situation right?) but then he felt like crap. I wanted to leave him. I guess I believe the story. I just don�t know if there�s anything more to this. He swears up and down he wants nothing to do with her and nothing ever happened. He did show me proof that he asked her multiple times to leave him the f alone. She does have mugshots online and seems deranged. But he took it way overboard. Am I right to lose trust in him?

Tl;dr: random girl sends screen shots of sexual conversations with my husband from 2017-2018. I confront him but he swears he was trying to bait her to expose her to her bf at the time. He claims she is crazy, he has shown me her mugshots and proof that he has asked her multiple times to back off and leave him alone. I want to believe him but don�t understand why it had to resort to this.

# ¿ Feb 21, 2020 02:26

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

My husband (32M) accused me of betraying our polyamorous family after I (31F) filed for divorce.

quote:

This is going to be a long story.

My husband and I are high school sweethearts and we have been together for 15 years.

Our son was diagnosed with a terminal illness when he was born so we always knew that he wasn't going to make it.

When my son was 2 years old, I caught my husband having an affair with this woman, let's call her CASSIE.

I felt betrayed, heartbroken, devastated. My husband claimed that he was poly, and that he loved both of us equally. Cassie claimed the same and told me that she had no intention of breaking up our marriage.

I felt that I had to suck it up and stay in the marriage for my sick son. This went on for 4 years, and during that time Cassie had their twins.

Now even though Cassie and I became good friends, I couldn't help but feel checked out of the relationship with my husband.

My son passed away 2 days after his 6th birthday. My husband and I came closer during this period. Cassie was a huge support system and the twins mourned their brother.

This brings us to last year. We were at a party hosted by my mother in law and having a great time. That's where I saw him again - my husband's estranged older half brother, let's call him Luke.

They had a falling out many years ago.

So, Luke and I got talking and we realized that we actually liked each other's company. Luke believes in monogamy and wanted to know why I chose to stay back.

We decided to meet again.

Back home, I told Cassie and my husband that I had FINALLY met someone and that I had a date. Cassie was beyond excited and wished me luck. My husband smiled, but didn't say anything else.

We had a rule that we could keep our partner's identity hidden if we felt like the relationship was too new.

So technically, I wasn't breaking any rules.

We kept meeting and eventually fell in love. Right around this time, my husband suggested that we should try for a second child. I told him that it was a bad idea as the twins were young and needed their dad's undivided attention.

On the other hand, Luke and I decided that we were going to break the news to our families. I filed for divorce and explained ny situation to Cassie and my husband as respectfully as possible.

My husband lost his cool and called me all the names in the book. He said that I was abandoning our family for "new dick" and that I betrayed him by getting together with his brother.

I was keeping it together, but ended up lashing out against him. I said that his family wasn't really my family and that I was nothing but a glorified nanny. I told him I'm not a poly person and that I wasn't happy in our relationship

It was a rough conversation with a lot of tears and blaming. He said that he is never going to forgive me for what I did. He was disappointed because I tried to defend my "betrayal."

Was it a betrayal? I didn't break any of our poly rules.

# ¿ Feb 22, 2020 18:14

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

Apparently the bible had some written notations or pieces of paper slipped in throughout of racist poo poo, so I'm having a hard time feeling bad about it also being destroyed.

# ¿ Feb 25, 2020 03:28

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for getting my girlfriend's friend a nintendo switch for her birthday?

quote:

Just as the description says, but some context is needed. My girlfriend of ~11 months has been talking about animal crossing (the new one released) as it was her favorite game growing up. She thinks the game is super cute, however whenever we watch an animal crossing video (of the new one) she always mentions how she wants to play, but could never buy a switch because she still wants to focus hard on school. She stated many times (per video) that if she ever gets animal crossing that "It is over for my GPA" - note she is in her 3rd year for undergrad and plans on going to grad school.

Enter her best friend (let's call her Janet) she also likes animal crossing, although probably not as much as my girlfriend. I met her through my girlfriend (we have gone for pizza runs always with my girlfriend there) and she seems super nice, always purely platonic and nothing awkward between us ever.

I know Janet's birthday is coming up (because she mentioned it) and this is where I gently caress up. We all (my girlfriend, Janet, and I) hear Janet's complaints about her (long distance) boyfriend who is not her favorite. I feel bad because I already know that her (semi-flaky) boyfriend never gets her presents because he doesn't believe in giving presents (note: all yall dudes out there at least get something for your girl's birthday), however he is more than willing to receive presents from her for HIS birthday.

Here's where I come up with the good idea that makes my girlfriend very angry. I know my girlfriend would like to play the new animal crossing, but not own it because she really wants to focus on her grades. I know that Janet would love ANY present for her birthday, so why not give her something she would use and enjoy. I also know that my gf and Janet are good enough friends that they would share, and my gf would play too, just not too frequently so that she can still focus on her studies.

So Janet's birthday comes around and I get her the switch. She is really happy (probably because she didn't expect presents on her birthday) but my girlfriend is furious. She storms out of the room crying that I would give JANET such an expensive gift but not her. I explained to her that it was really for both of you as she would play it too but she is not having it. I write this at 3AM on the couch in our living room.

Am I the rear end in a top hat?

# ¿ Feb 25, 2020 22:28

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

UPDATE: My (34F) wife (36F) favours our biological daughter (1F) over our adopted son (6M)

quote:

Hi everyone. Some time has passed after I've made that post. I had deleted it, as I was in a very fragile emotional state, and reading such demeaning comments towards my wife did not help me. (I will retype the original post at the bottom, for context).

The day after, I had Julian and Annie go to their grandparents' place and sat my wife down. We had a long, serious and emotional conversation. I am not a confrontational person, but I did my best to express my worries and stand my ground.

It did come off as a shock to my wife. Knowing her as well as I do (high school sweethearts now in our 30s), I am inclined to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe her when she promised and swore to me that none of those things have been her intention.

It has been two and a half weeks since, and we've been doing couples' therapy and individual therapy for me, her and Julien. I am very pleased to say that things have improved exponentially. I guess I didn't see that Julian could notice my wife's behavior -- but now I see that he definitely did. I can tell because even though he's been in therapy for a short time, he's flourished. I wouldn't go as far as to say that he's a new boy, but it makes me so happy to see the change in him. He's much more vibrant and happier.

My wife and Julien now have "dates" on the weekend, where they go out (at a reasonable hour) and do some mother-son activities. In turn, that gave me more time to bond with Annie. All in all, thank you, everyone, who has commented and given me advice. To those that found it more appropriate to insult me and my wife (mostly my wife) -- I know that it's easy to do so when you're anonymous and there are no consequences. But please, please think about the human beings on the other side of that screen.

***ORIGINAL***

My wife and I (both F) have been married for several years now. About four years ago, we adopted a wonderful boy, who I'll call Julian for the purpose of the story. Julian was adopted at 2 years old, which makes him 6 now. The adoption process was excruciating, but I will never regret it.

As it happens, back then, we thought we were both infertile. However, my wife turned out... not to be! (I won't get into the unnecessary medical details here). She expressed the desire to carry our second baby (we were always set on two children). I was very happy with that. Soon enough, my wife found a sperm donor and the rest is history.

Our new baby girl is just over a year old now, I'll call her Annie. Annie is my pride and joy, as you may imagine. However, I have noticed that my wife seemingly favors Annie over Julian. I never wanted to express this, because it makes me feel like a horrible spouse, but it really is true. I know that babies require more attention than toddlers, but it's not just about the attention...

My wife has me and Annie as her phone wallpaper. Just us, without Julian.

My wife never talks to others about Julian anymore, only Annie

My wife used to put all Julian's drawings on the fridge. A week ago, she took them down.

On one occasion, she forgot that Julien was at his grandparents' place, but didn't ask about him all day.

When she came home from being out of town, she brought a gift for Annie and not Julien (and then I drove to one of the gas stations in the area and got him a plushie, lying to him that his other mommy forgot it in her car).

I'm at the end of my rope. I love my wife so much, but this isn't right. It breaks my heart to see my son become an afterthought. Any advice? I'm so desperate.

# ¿ Feb 29, 2020 21:40

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for filing a complaint against my daughter�s teacher?

quote:

My 14 year old daughter was in a car accident a couple months ago, a very horrific car accident. It�s still really difficult to talk about, I think she�s dealing with it better than I am really.

She was not supposed to survive, but thank God and all higher powers and beings, she did. She was finally able to begin transitioning back to school last week.

Her teachers were briefed on everything that happened every step of the way once we were out of the woods, so we could create a plan with her doctors to keep her as on track with school as we could manage while she was still recovering.

There was a point at the beginning where we were told she would never be fully functioning again. And we told the school this when they first reached out. It is really a medical miracle that she came back from this brink.

It was already a colossal psychological burden on her to cope with everything that happened. And there were the natural questions of �why did I survive this wreck and some others involved did not survive.� She is working with a trauma counselor, but it�s still a lot.

Then she goes back to school and on only the second day, one of her teachers has the audacity to pull her aside and say (I wasn�t there so I am paraphrasing the overall message as my daughter recounted it) �I hope you realize how lucky you are to have survived that accident. My sister was killed in an auto accident and there is no reason you should�ve survived and she shouldn�t have.�

My daughter, understandably, responded �I am sorry that happened.� But then had no idea what to say. The teacher followed up with �Doesn�t that ever bother you? Why did you have access to the healthcare others don�t, why were you in the right place when others were in the wrong place?� And my daughter was speechless, so after a few seconds, the teacher stormed off.

My daughter was heartbroken and I was fuming. I went right into the principal�s office and demanded an explanation. He brought the teacher in and the teacher apologized and said her remarks were inappropriate. YA THINK!?

A couple days after that happened (today) the principal called me in for an off hours meeting and said he�d begun filing my complaint when I made it because that was procedure, but was I sure I wanted to go through with it now that the teacher had apologized, because otherwise whatever came of filing it will be marked on her permanent record.

I wanted to say �Hell yah, file it.� But I told him I�d take the rest of the day to think about it, because I began to worry that I wasn�t having much compassion for someone who had also gone through something terrible.

I�m way too close to this on all sides, and all the people I�d trust enough to advise me on this issue are also involved with the school, so I�m holding off. Am I the rear end in a top hat if I go through with the formal complaint?

# ¿ Mar 2, 2020 22:39

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for stealing my Switch back? My parents took it from me and gave it to the neighbors as a gift to their child

quote:

I am in high school and live at home with my mom and step dad. I had a Nintendo switch that I bought with money I made from refereeing children's soccer.

I got in trouble at home because I went to a party and drank and hid that from my parents and they decided to take my switch away for it.

They never gave it back, they gave it to the neighbors to give their son for Christmas. I consider it stolen, it was mine, I paid for it. I even asked the neighbors mom if she would give it back and she said no, she knew my parents had taken it because I was drinking, and I need to get my act together, not be playing games.

So recently I swung by the middle school in town because I had lost a coat there last time I was there to referee soccer. And the neighbor's family was at the school for some other reason. Some after school activity maybe? They were in the hallway then went into a classroom with a teacher without seeing me. It was a total coincidence, I didn't know they'd be there.

The kid left my switch on a bench in the hall, and I couldn't believe my luck. I took it back and hid it in my backpack, and got the hell out of there. Nobody saw me or even knew I was at the school that night.

I gave it to my friend who's in college, and she said she'd hold onto it until I go to college myself next fall.

So nobody knows it was me, and I don't think anyone suspects it either. My mom and the neighbor mom were out for a smoke yesterday and I overheard her say that some kid at school stole the switch.

I feel kind of conflicted

On one hand, it's mine and it's illegal to keep stolen things. Especially when you know it's stolen!

On the other, the kid is a middle schooler, and thinks his Christmas gift went missing, and that probably sucks.

AITA for stealing it back?

(Edit - i guess I shouldn't even say I "stole" it back, legally it's not stealing if you're taking something you own away with you)

Also, things that I buy are legally owned by me, not by my parents. They had no right to take my property. (Source: https://blogs.findlaw.com/law_and_life/2018/08/do-parents-own-their-childrens-property.html)

# ¿ Mar 5, 2020 02:26

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for letting my ex in-laws take my kids on lavish vacations that my step kids never get to go on?

quote:

I lost my first wife 10 years ago to cancer. My now wife and I married in 2015 and we�ve become a big blended family a little like the Brady Bunch. I have two kids and she has two kids.

Our kids are all roughly around the same ages as well (12-17) but my step daughter/son attend school living with their dad and usually will spend summers and winters with us, with more holidays in between.

The issue: my ex in-laws (late wife�s parents) are very close to my kids so they�ve been inviting my daughters to spend summers with them in Europe (they live in London). My daughters really love this since it makes them feel closer to their mum�s heritage and they get to travel a LOT in the meantime. My in laws are very well off and will spend parts of the summer taking the girls skiing or exploring exotic locales all across Europe and even Asia.

Now my wife is feeling very annoyed at how her kids are feeling as a result. She says that while we�re supposed to be one big family, my kids are obviously being given more opportunities to succeed in life. By traveling, learning new cultures and languages, and getting elite summer internships (my oldest was an intern at the ICJ in The Hague last summer by her grandad�s connections), my wife is unsettled at the gaps between my kids and her kids.

I honestly don�t know how to solve this. My in laws are VERY wealthy to the point I don�t think I�ll ever be able to match their level of power/money. They will always be able to provide for their grandkids in ways my step kids won�t have. My wife wants me to put �limits� on these kinds of gifts to promote equality, but I also feel like this would be unfair for my daughters, who love their grandparents and are blossoming in their summers there.

I had a heart to heart with my step kids recently and they expressed similar views, that it�s not �fair� my daughters get the privileges they do. I�ve been trying to spend more quality time with them and taking them on special summer vacations that�s the best we can afford, but that�s still a far cry from French chateaus and Italian villas.

My wife says I�m now actively harming my step kids by refusing to step in and rein in my in-laws spending on my daughters. But I know if I do it would also cause massive backlash with them. AITA for how I�ve tried to handle everything? Is there something I�m missing and could still do?

# ¿ Mar 7, 2020 21:50

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for not allowing my father in at my sister's wedding? He showed up to the wedding on the basis of a fake invite.

quote:

My father (who now lives in another continent) left our family for his current wife when I was 13 and my older sister was 17. My sister never forgave him and the last time she saw him was 12 years ago, in court. She got married recently and I was in charge of the whole affair. It was a pretty big wedding as my brother in law comes from a prominent political family.

On the day of the wedding, my father showed up to her wedding venue, unannounced and uninvited, wife and 3 little kids in tow, who I assume were my biological half siblings. As soon as I was intimated about his arrival, I dashed to the entrance (where he stood waiting) and tried to deal with the situation without anyone knowing. I didn't want my sister and mother to know about it as they were in a good mood and I didn't want to ruin that. I also had to attend to some very important guests, and wanted to fix the situation quickly.

it turned out that my sister's former best friend/stepcousin 'Dorothy' contacted our father and gave him a fake story about how my sister really wanted him back in her life and that the only reason she didn't send him an official invite was because of our mother. Apparently, he was told that my sister asked Dorothy to send the invite on her behalf.

It was an awkward situation, I had to explain that Dorothy and my sister had a huge fight last month and my sister ended up severing all ties with her. It finally dawned on him that he was used as a pawn to ruin my sister's wedding. He was heartbroken, but insisted I allow him into a distant secluded spot to atleast view the ceremony from a distance. I told him I couldn't do that and asked him to leave before anyone from my mother's family showed up. His wife was furious, and the oldest half sibling silently sobbed. I was running out of time, so I asked the hotel security to escort the family out of the venue.

I felt like an rear end in a top hat, but I didn't want my sister's day ruined.

AITA?

# ¿ Mar 11, 2020 17:27

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for telling my childless sister to stop parenting my kids?

quote:

My sister lived in the family home until recently as she and her husband are divorcing. They tried for years to have a baby and ultimately succeeded, but they lost their son to SIDS when he was around 3 weeks old. It's been 8 years and she's still grieving, which I completely understand as if I lost either of my sons I'd probably grieve forever, too. She's decided to sell the house and she approached us and said if we were the buyers she'd sell for way below market value in order to keep it in the family. I have 2 sons, ages 2 and 9.

The completion date was the end of February. Due to some complications my sister's flat isn't ready yet, and it's looking like a few months of problems. My sister has said she will move out at the end of this month to a different flat that charges rent by the month until her new place is ready. So this means that for the whole of March she has been/will be living with us in the family home. I did not begrudge this as it is her home, too, and made the offer for her to stay until her flat is totally ready, but she declined.

I like to think my sons are good kids. Not angels by any means but well behaved, the 9 year old cleans up after himself, there's no conflict with the boys, and my husband and I rarely have to reprimand either boy (this is mainly about the 9 year old because the 2 year old is 2 and rarely causes issues).

My sister, however, sees things differently. Every time either boy has done anything since we moved in she's had issues. My 2 year old was reading one of his books with sound effects and when he hit a button she yelled at him for making too much noise. She's also yelled at my 9 year old more than once for normal 9 year old things like not wanting to take a bath. And this isn't a light reprimand, this is actual yelling at him with the occasional insult.

Tonight he was doing his homework at the kitchen counter under my supervision, my sister walked in and began yelling at him about the "mess" (his exercise book and a couple pens/pencils) and saying the kitchen looked like a pigsty. It was at this point I asked to speak to her in another room and tell her that this is not on and she cannot yell at my kids. Things escalated quickly from there and she said that "if you're not going to parent them properly, someone should" and I responded that "just because you don't have kids doesn't mean you can parent other peoples'".

She went upstairs, packed a bag, and is now staying with our parents. My sons didn't hear but I relayed it to my husband. He agrees with me in principal because he didn't like how she was speaking to the boys, either, but says the way it happened neither of us came off great. My parents called and said that she's with them now, in tears, and that I need to apologise. I do not want to do this because she's not got any intention of apologising to me.

Who's TA here? Me or her?

# ¿ Mar 19, 2020 04:09

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for not making my son apologize

quote:

Basically, my(33F) son(16M) was on live on Instagram with his friends and a kid(16M) from school called him a fag. That kid is short 4�10 or so. My son insulted him back. His friend was recording it so I know exactly how it went. That kid called him a fag, my son laughed and called him �oompa loompa body rear end bitch�.

Few days pass and the kid�s parents contacted me. They said that they all feel really disrespected and my son has to apologize to their son for making fun of him and making him feel disrespectful. I argued his parents. He gets to call my son fag and my son has to apologize for joking? No ma�am. If he can insult like that people he should be ready to be insulted back. I refused to make my son apologize.

My husband thinks that I overreacted and they both should apologize because two wrongs don�t make a right and I�m wrong for not making him apologize.

# ¿ Mar 19, 2020 19:07

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for proving to my roommate that her boyfriend keeps hitting on me?

quote:

I�m Sam, my roommates name is Lauren, and her boyfriends name is Mark.

Lauren and Mark have been dating for maybe four months. Mark always hits on me. Like always. As soon as Lauren walks away, Mark is laying it on thick with compliments, and asking when our lease is up.

I wear a lot of body-con and sometimes low cut clothing , so I expect to get glances maybe mild staring. But this guy is very obviously hitting on me, and often times in ways that make me uncomfortable, especially since he is always at our apartment.

I have told Lauren several times that Mark hits on me, and she just rolls her eyes. She doesn�t believe me, which is confusing to me. Lauren and I have been roommates for five years. In that time she has dated three other guys, and I have never complained about this before.

So yesterday she tells me that Mark is coming over. I was like, great, I told her if she would just walk upstairs in our apartment building, and tell Mark that she was going around the block, she would walk in and see him hitting on me. She actually agreed to do it to �humor� me.

Mark gets to the apartment, and I am just doing the dishes, I tell him that Lauren went to the store up the block, but she is really right outside the door.

He sits at the counter and starts chatting with me normally, then the conversation turns to him hitting on me. Normally I just walk away from Mark, but I endured it so that Lauren would see/hear.

She came in and told Mark to go to her room. Then she then she starts yelling at ME. Saying I saying I tried to seduce him and that I dressed like a slut. And I�m like �I always dress like a slut Lauren! Who cares! Your boyfriend is hitting on me!� We argued and both said some lovely stuff to each other.

She and Mark are staying in her bedroom and we haven�t spoken to each other since. As I�m thinking about it, I�m wondering if I am an rear end in a top hat for even trying to do this but at the same time I think she sucks for not believing me in the first place.

I live in New York. I love my neighborhood I don�t want to have to find a new roommate because of this idiot. If I did an rear end in a top hat thing please tell me. AITA

# ¿ Mar 20, 2020 17:38

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for punishing my daughter for not coming to my wedding?

quote:

I got married last weekend in my parent�s house which has been in the family for generations. For health reasons, only immediate family was there.

My daughter(16F) had been calling her new stepmom (21F) names like home wrecker and prostitute and I have been patient with her.

She assumes I left her late mother because she had breast cancer.

However, I did not leave her mother for having cancer. Nobody decides to have cancer.

However, her late mother kept using her illness to devalue me and my sense of identity. She�d criticize the way I was taking care of her and even stuff like my hygiene or the cologne I was wearing. She made me feel worthless and I felt like she was projecting her own insecurities by saying the smell of my cologne was disgusting because she never made an effort to keep herself up and despite the fact that I objectively found her disgusting sometimes, I stuck by her until my self esteem was destroyed.

I would work hard closing deals all day and be acknowledged for my efforts at work, yet I�d go home and she�d criticize and nag about every once of my being.

I met her stepmom when I was in a dark place. She made me feel like I could be myself again. My wife made me feel unattractive and sexless and with my new wife, I felt alive. Just the fact that she appreciated me and felt physical chemistry with me made me want to do anything for her, to want to provide for her.

That�s when I decided not to bullshit my wife anymore and file for divorce. Since then my daughter�s relatives from her mom�s side had been poisoning her against me.

Last weekend, when I and her stepmom went to the site of the wedding early we expected to see her drive to the wedding later. But instead she ended up going to stay with her aunt. Everybody asked where she was and there was chaos from my side of the family locating her.

As punishment, I took her car and allowance away and have taken her phone away until I feel that she can learn to be respectful towards someone I very much love. And that it will be impossible for her to do that if she keeps having to hear from her late mom�s side of the family.

My parents have called and said that I was being too harsh. However, even when things are tough, I feel I cannot let a child of mine believe they can just do whatever they want. AITA?

# ¿ Mar 27, 2020 02:00

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA For Effectively Ruining My Sisters Life Because Of What She Did

quote:

So, I�ve (F20) had a boyfriend, let�s call him John, John (M20) and i started dating when we were 17. I have a big family, I have my mom (F53) my dad (M55) my older twin sisters that are 34, and my younger sister (F19). My sisters both have husbands and kids and my younger sister lives at home and works for the family business. I live in a condo with boyfriend. He�s always been close with my family. Around 2 weeks ago i was ordering post mates on my boyfriends phone and he got a message from my younger sister. I was feeling nosy and opened up their message thread. For 2 months they�ve been hooking up and sending nudes. In that moment i flipped out and took screenshots, i sent them to myself and deleted the evidence. I acted like nothing happened and luckily the next day John was gonna go visit his mom in another state. The next day after he left to drive to his mom i sent them to my mom, my dad and both my other sisters. My whole family was disgusted. That day i left the condo because it�s in his name so i didn�t have any commitment legally to it. Then my sisters husbands helped move me into my parents house. It all happened in a day and when my sister got to my parents house all her stuff was outside the house. She tried coming in and my dad went outside and started screaming at her. My other sisters both went outside and they all yelled at her, and told her that she was a disappointment to the family. My dad fired her on the spot. (My older sisters husband is a lawyer so he gave my dad some legal advice on how to cover himself) He told her to get lost. She was crying and i came outside, i threw the condo keys at her and told her to go move in with my boyfriend since they�re so close. I told her i knew everything. Before she could say anything i went inside. There was some more yelling for about 20 minutes and my dad came in, he said my older sisters had to leave and we watched movies. I sent the screenshots to my boyfriend and blocked him. Over the past two weeks my sister has been trying to contact everyone. She had to be escorted off my parents property 2 times already. I heard from my friend my boyfriend got home two days ago and say my sister had been living at his house, he kicked her out and has been trying to contact me. She is essentially homeless and jobless and i don�t know or care what�s happening to her right now. I haven�t had to go to work since the issue that�s happening in the world. My family is completely behind me but my friends are saying i shouldn�t have done all that to my younger sister. The way i see it she deserved it. So, AITA?

# ¿ Apr 5, 2020 01:46

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for not inviting my youngest brother to my wedding retreat?

quote:

I (31M) am getting married next year. Rather than a traditional wedding, my fianc�e (30F) and I have planned a group trip to one of the most beautiful places in the world. We've booked an excursion package that will take us and our guests to various spas/tourist locations/etc. and we plan to do the actual wedding ceremony on the last day of the trip. Following that, our guests will go home, and my then-wife and I will travel elsewhere for another week as our honeymoon.

The problem is: the excursion package we booked is limited to 14 people, including my fianc�e and I. If we wanted a bigger group, we'd have to upgrade to the next package, which would be considerably more pricey and not within our allocated wedding budget.

My fianc�e and I have planned out the guest list as follows: my mother, her parents, her twin sister, her two younger brothers, my four older siblings, and two very close mutual friends of ours.

Here's the thing. Though my older siblings and I are all very close in age, my mother got pregnant again by a different father when I was 12. My mother was doing very poorly at the time (financial struggles, problems with addiction, ongoing depressive episodes) and didn't feel capable of taking care of another child. So, my youngest brother ended up getting raised primarily by my mother's cousin, though he's been living at home with my mom since he was 14.

He's now 19, and unfortunately neither I nor my other siblings are very close with him. We see him on major holidays and occasionally when we all visit home, but due to both the age difference and the fact that he wasn't raised by our mother we just haven't been able to maintain a significant relationship.

When my fianc�e and I were putting together the guest list, I considered including him, but with the strict limitations on guest numbers it came down to him vs. one of my best friends. Honestly, I'm far closer with my friend.

After we invited everyone, my mom called me to tell me that my brother was incredibly upset that he hadn't been invited. She said that she couldn't believe that I would leave him out of a family event like this, especially as he's been left out of so much "family stuff" throughout his life. But my other siblings agree with me � none of them are very close with him either, and they know they wouldn't chose him over their best friends if the choice had to be made.

I feel bad about hurting his feelings, but I still think it's my and my fianc�e's decision who we invite to our wedding.

Thoughts?

# ¿ Apr 6, 2020 05:57

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for snapping at my brother because he�s why we moved?

quote:

Me - 14F Brother (Daniel) - 16M

I used to live in City X, I was born and raised there. All my friends are here, all extracurricular opportunities I have are here (i.e. the debate circuit is very strong here, connections I�ve cultivated for youth activism, good internship opportunities), etc. But my brother hosed up big time about a year ago and ruined it all for us.

I�m not going to go into the exact nature of what he did, but it was BAD. He didn�t do something that would have serious legal consequences or anything. But it was stupid, incredibly problematic, and got him landed in enough poo poo for it to get spread throughout social media. He also got in trouble with the school, and he claimed he couldn�t stay there because his reputation is ruined. Personally, I think he should�ve thought of that BEFORE HE DID IT.

My parents were mad, but they got sympathetic because he said he was getting bullied & they wanted to protect his future, so they moved him to 2 other high schools, but it ended in the same way because everyone knew what happened anyways. So my parents & him decided to move to an entirely different state, in City Y, without consulting me at all.

My brother�s future is important, but why should my future be sacrificed just because he hosed up? City Y is super small and has way shittier schools, and doesn�t have a debate league. I also had to leave all my friends behind. No one knows about what my brother did, so he�s happy, my parents are happy he�s happy. I�m the only one who�s not happy. At the risk of sounding cocky, I had a really good future in my extracurriculars. Like definitely could�ve shaped up to be one of the best nationally according to a lot of people, if I had the right coaching and competition. I could�ve gotten scholarships to great schools for it! But no Daniel had to get himself into deep poo poo, and drag me into it too.

I�ve been here for 4 months now, and I didn�t talk to my brother at all for the first two months. Now we�re all at home, and my frustrations are building everytime I see him. So at dinner, my brother was talking about his college prospects with my parents, and I was just so frustrated that I snapped. Our conversation went like:

Him: I think I have a good shot at getting into [state school]

Me: Like hell you do, with the poo poo you did last year. If you think running away to a different city and ruining my life can make what you did go away, then you�re in for a loving treat.

Him: You�re such a loving bitch, get over it already

Mom: donthateondebate, stop blaming your brother, you need to start adjusting to City Y, apologize for what you said.

Dad: [state school] won�t know

Me: I�ll email every single college you apply to with the screenshots and evidence if we don�t move back to City X, thats a promise not a threat

My parents got really furious with me for that, but I�m not joking. AITA or my brother/parents?

Brother went on a racist tirade on snapchat, and it blew up.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2020 05:01

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

spacetoaster posted:

Is that what happened, or your guess?

If it's just a guess I'm gonna say he made actual threats.

Licarn posted:

He made a pro-segregation rant about students at his school and accidentally posted it to his main snapchat instead of his private racists-only one.

His parents initially banned him from social media but then relented after a couple of weeks.

Someone guessed in the comments and this is basically what she said. He also tried to get her to write the apology letters their parents made him write, so real remorse there.

# ¿ Apr 8, 2020 05:23

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for telling my cousins that at least my parents loved me enough to keep me around?

quote:

I (19f) have cousins that all went to boarding school.

My family is very traditional, and have a long history of sending their children to boarding school. Most of my family members get sent to the UK, US and Canada age 8/9.

When I was young, I got very sick. After that, my parents had separation anxiety when it came to me so I got to attend normal day school.

Some of my cousins resent me though. It�s understandable, I got to live with my parents while they didn�t.

I had started getting pressure to attend boarding school from my cousins, grandparents, aunts and uncles at 13 since I was old enough to �handle� myself and I haven�t had any health scares.

My grandparents had want me to uphold the tradition, but I hadn�t wanted to leave my parents and go to a foreign country. They said that I could go to one in my home country, but I still wouldn�t have been able to see my parents as often.

I still get taunted for my refusal to go although I�m done with high school and am currently taking a gap year.

I was at my aunt�s house for a gathering and I heard my cousin say to another cousin how much of a coward I am since I �hid behind my mummy�s skirts� my entire childhood. They then spoke about how spineless my parents are for not forcing me to go.

I come up to them and start arguing. They continue to say that I broke years of family tradition because I couldn�t cope without my parents as a teen when most of them left theirs at a far younger age.

I lost my temper then. I snap back �at least my parents loved me enough to want me around.�

Dead silence. I leave the room. None of my cousins have contacted me but my parents are asking me to apologise.

# ¿ Apr 9, 2020 16:53

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

Update to the surrogate story where the op's BIL wanted to have sex with her to have the baby and they were totally going to pay her like 200k:

Update: I (25F) agreed to be a surrogate for my sister and her husband (late 30s), but am regretting it now

quote:

All the comments on my previous post showed me that I am way too young, dumb and ignorant with what I signed up with. I started researching actual lived experiences and I read so many horror stories that I've decided to not go ahead with being involved in any way, shape or form with helping them have kids.

In fact, I'm not even sure if I want to ever get pregnant after all the stories about 3rd and 4th degree tears, poop, miscarriages. I am clearly not in the right stage of life/maturity to even consider doing something of this magnitude.

The difficult part was mustering up the courage to call my sister to tell her my decision. I really look up to my sister and love her lots, and our family and religion has always been about helping others out where we can.

When I called her to tell her, we had a short convo at first where I basically said "sorry, can't do it but that doesn't mean I love you any less". She seemed sad but said she was happy to respect my decision and I thought that was it.

Then just last night, sister & BIL called me back over zoom. My sister was crying and begged me to reconsider, as both of them really wanted biological kids. BIL told me that they were really disappointed in me and hoped that I would find it within me to do this. When I told them my concerns, my BIL just said pregnancy & motherhood is a beautiful and natural process and that I was made for this.

I'm SO glad I did this over video call instead of in person, because I just hung up on them and faked having connection problems. I've been ignoring their texts so far and frankly I don't know what else to say.

But any way, thank you all from the bottom of my heart for opening my eyes

# ¿ Apr 10, 2020 18:43

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA over being upset at my gf for judging my family?

quote:

Myself (28m) and my gf Haley (23f) have been together for 2 years, live together, and have an amazing relationship. However, we come from very different families. Her family is pretty traditional, everyone marries, settles down, then has kids. (not to say she firmly believes this is the "right" thing to do, though. She had a pretty hosed up childhood, if that's at all relevant). My family is extremely blended, with many divorces and teen pregnancies and kids with various partners. Haley has always gotten along really well with my family, they love her and vice versa. She has always accepted the way my family is, but something happened this morning to make me think otherwise.

My cousin Jared (23m) and his girlfriend Amy (22f) just had a baby boy September 2019. I should also add that his younger sister, my cousin Shania (21f), has 2 boys with two different guys. My girlfriend loves these kids dearly and spoils them. So when Jared called this morning to tell me that he and gf are having another baby, I was surprised when Haley responded with a stone face and said nothing. I asked her why she didn't seem happy for them and she said: "Jared still owes your grandma thousands of dollars right?". I said yeah. "And Amy is still waitressing? And smoking?" (they both smoke cigarettes) I said yeah. She just said K and continued making breakfast. I asked her what that was supposed to mean. She got really agitated all of a sudden and snapped back with "I'm sorry, I love your family but sometimes their stupid loving decisions get under my skin. I just hate seeing kids keep having have kids" then went on to bring up other things about my family having lots of dogs and not training them properly and swearing in front of the kids and how none of my cousins have proper jobs to support their kids and dump them off with grandma all the time and live in trailers. She had NEVER expressed any of this before and I was shocked; it made it seem like she sees my family as inferior and trailer trash.

I've been reflecting on the things she said and yeah, they are true. I guess I've always just seen my family as normal because I'm the son of a teen mom myself. She approached me a couple hours later and said sorry, and that she just really believes that people shouldn't take having babies lightly because her parents had major unsolved issues throughout her childhood, which stick with her to this day. I accepted her apology, but I still feel hurt and bitter about what she said about my family. AITA?

# ¿ Apr 12, 2020 01:19

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for spontaneously proposing to my girlfriend?

quote:

So roughly four months ago, I bought an engagement ring for my girlfriend. We had talked about getting married and we both knew it was something we wanted. But the question is still a big deal, even if you know the likely answer.

I�d been keeping the ring close by, waiting for the right time. When there was no organic �Pam and Jim at the gas station� moment after a couple months, I booked a trip back to her childhood home to propose in a significant spot. Then travel became impossible before that could happen.

We were sitting on the couch watching the news, I saw something about how we don�t know when we could next travel, and I decided �gently caress it, I love this woman so much, I don�t want to wait another second to be engaged to her.�

I just turned to her and I said basically exactly that. I just rambled something about how I�ve realized life is uncertain and short and my life won�t really start until I�m engaged to her, tied it in with an anecdote from our relationship that was in my planned proposal, got on one knee and whipped out the ring from my hiding spot. Boom, proposal.

Her reaction was... unexpected. She started crying. I thought with joy that the day we�d both been anticipating was here. But instead she said... �Are you loving kidding me? That�s it? That�s how you propose?� And locked herself in our bedroom where she�s now been crying for four consecutive hours, besides a muffled call with what sounded like probably her mother.

I feel like poo poo that I upset her and blew this pivotal moment, but I also can�t really tell if I did anything wrong? I thought the fun of it was being engaged more than getting engaged. Am I the rear end in a top hat for giving into spur of the moment impulse and not doing a formal proposal?

# ¿ Apr 27, 2020 18:29

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for publicly revealing who my biological parents are on Facebook and kind of messing things up for them?

quote:

I was given up for adoption when I was a baby by my parents who were 19 years old.

Due to reasons, I was taken from my adoptive parents and put in foster care when I was 11 and remained in the system until I went to college.

When I turned 18, I was given my mother's contact information by someone. I found out she was married to my biological father. They had public profiles on Facebook and Instagram. I ended up messaging my mother who never responded.

I then tried to message my father who basically replied saying that he's sorry but they would rather not have me in their lives. That it took them a while to grieve over giving me up and that they don't want to go through all that pain again.

Well at this point I got pretty pissed because I think it's kind of lovely they think they can prevent me from knowing the rest of my family.

I ended up messaging my grandmother (my mother's mom) who was actually happy to know me. I met her in person and we really bonded.

I also have two younger siblings but I didn't contact them after what my father said.

Well four months ago, I saw my father post of a picture of them at some Church event and say "my beautiful wife and our two amazing kids".

This was on their church Facebook page. This was probably wrong but I replied with a comment saying "Don't you mean three kids?"

I didn't really expect the amount of people responding to that as I did. There were a bunch of people my parents knew that started asking questions. I freaked out and deleted my comment.

Then I started getting dms from people, including people I was related to. Later that day, my grandmother made a post confirming I was a child given up for adoption.

So now, I started making connections with some extended family and have been to a few family parties. My parents have been told they aren't invited unless they accept me which they haven't.

The whole drama has kind of messed with their lives and business. My parents are now apparently separated. I don't really accept that as my fault.

AITA for doing what I did?

# ¿ Apr 28, 2020 18:05

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

In the cheater's defense, her sister will blame her for anything that goes wrong, so even if she were to go and try to stay away/be polite, if her ex's parents start something she gets the blame for ruining her sister's wedding, and gets cut out of her sister's life. If she doesn't go she also gets cut out of her sister's life. It's also loving weird as poo poo that the ex hooked with and is eventually marrying the sister of the woman who hosed him up so badly, everyone is apparently carrying a grudge 7 years later.

# ¿ May 1, 2020 07:09

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for getting upset that my wife would sleep with my brother when I 'asked'

quote:

I have a non identical twin brother named Justin. I'm under no illusion that he's the better looking between us. He's a great guy if not a bit philandering.

Since we were bored yesterday, we video called my friend Jay and his wife and we just caught up with each other over a couple glasses of wine. We eventually got to playing this game where someone asks a question and we all answer. I asked everyone who their cheat pass (someone you would cheat with if allowed) is and everyone gave celebrities crushes as expected, except my loving wife. She first asked about specifics. Whether it was just a one time thing, the whole night or a fling. We all agreed on whole night and then she blurted "Then Justin! Omg we'd gently caress all night long". We all broke into laughter because we thought she was talking about Justin Bieber.

Jay then made a comment about Timberlake being better than Bieber and my wife clarified that she actually meant my brother. Like wtf? Obviously things got awkward so they ended the call and we got into a fight over it. She said I shouldn't be angry because I was the one who asked her and now I'm judging her truthful answer. I spent the night in the guest room and even this morning she was completely unapologetic and said I should be the one apologizing for being an rear end last night and "judging her truth". Aita?

# ¿ May 5, 2020 18:19

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

The Deporter Dad gave an update:

quote:

I did try and talk her out of moving a few more times, she refused
I asked if she would consider handing me primary custody, she refused
I asked her to leave our daughter here with me for the first few months just to see if they would work out, she refused
I asked if he would move here, she said he couldn't and never gave any real reasons
I am the father without a doubt (DNA test)
My work doesn't permit me much time off, at best I would have only been able to fly out 2 times in a year
My whole family is here and have always played a big part in our daughter's life, her mother visited once
I did file for child support on the advice of my lawyer, although I haven't ever received a penny. I never chased it
I did agree to fly out once and she cancelled, never tried to arrange anything more
She does video chat with our daughter regularly and my daughter knows who she is

Kinda seems like the mom didn't know it was him who got her deported so he might just be home free, if she is happily skyping with their daughter regularly.

# ¿ May 6, 2020 23:34

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for asking my wife not to check her period at the dinner table?

quote:

Yesterday at dinner my wife stood up from the table, stuck her hand down her pants and checked for blood. Then loudly complained about her period. I asked her to please not do that at the table because I am eating.

We ended up getting in a big fight about it. She claims I am making her feel disgusting and having a period in a natural part of being a woman. I should not make her feel bad about it. My opinion is that is not what I was doing. I never censor her and I don't think I have ever asked her not to talk about her period before. It's just in that moment it felt inappropriate and over the top.

For some reference we have been married for years and have kids. This isn't a new relationship.

Edit: This is almost going too well. I was thinking I might use this post to win the argument but now I'm not sure how she would react to having 50 strangers on the internet unanimously decide that what she did was disgusting.

# ¿ May 8, 2020 02:09

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for reporting my car stolen even though I knew my roommate took it "for an emergency"?

quote:

To make a long story short I (20M) live in a house with 4 other people, ill call em

Jeff -25 M, Jason 26 M, Lindsey 26 F (jeffs girlfriend), Ashley 19 (my girlfriend)

I'm the only one in the house with a car, that doesn't change the fact that I'm the only one who is allowed to drive or touch my car (and ofc my girlfriend), I'm happy to give everyone rides especially since everyone is pretty cool about giving me some gas money even though I don't ask for it.

Everyone knows not to touch my car but apparently that didn't stop Jeff from taking my car at 11pm to go to the only 24-hour store that's still open around here, i was pissed. Apparently he snuck into my and my girlfriend's room while I was in the bathroom and she was getting a late night snack and took my keys.

I go out to see that my car isn't where I parked it and Jason and Lindsey informed me that Jeff took my car for an emergency but I was still pissed so I called the cops and reported my car stolen, I gave the officer a full description of the car including the license plate number and told him where I suspect the car might be.

I uber over to the convenience store and I'm greeted by a scared shittless Jeff and two cops who asked me to confirm that that's my car. I say yes.

In the end I said that I didn't want to press charges, jeff ubers home after giving me my keys and i drive home.

There was a huge fight after we all got home about how I overreacted and Jeff I was scared when he saw the cops, I told him that he knew he wasn't allowed to touch my car and that if he ever did it again I would not hesitate to press charges that time, it's been two weeks and things are still tense between Jeff and I to the point where he's thinking about moving out, Lindsay is of course of backing him because they are a couple, jason and ashley are on my side.

I wanna know if I went to far.

Also, wanna know the "emergency"?

Condoms.. Jeff and lindsay wanted to gently caress but they didn't have condoms

# ¿ May 8, 2020 05:26

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA? I do not want the father of my child in the room while I give birth.

quote:

I�m seven months pregnant and a few weeks ago my husband confessed he�d been sleeping with a woman from the gym he frequents. Apparently this was an emotional affair for a few months before turning physical, and they�ve been seeing each other for half a year. I guess those �extended hours� at work make sense now.

I kicked him out and I�m trying to remain as calm and stress free as I can for my baby, but it�s hard. I�m devastated and emotionally wrecked from this. This will be my first child so I�m already scared for the trauma and pain that comes with birth. The last thing I want is to have to look at his face and have him breathing my air while I�m going through all that. This man was the love of my life (so I thought). How can I focus on bringing our baby into the world if I can�t stop sobbing? Ever since I kicked him out of the house, I can�t even hear his voice on the phone without getting choked up.

My mom 100% supports my decision and she�s the only other person I want in the room. Everyone else (my dad and stepdad, both of his parents, his insane sister) are outraged and think I�m �already using the baby as a pawn� in our separation. I�m not. I just don�t want to deal with the emotional fallout of his presence during what will probably be a scary, painful, enormously challenging day.

His mother has called me every week and left a voicemail demanding that I reconsider. It�s always �Your relationship problems have nothing to do with his rights as a father. He has the right to be in the room.�

He is absolutely floored by my choice and said, and I quote, �I�d have never had the affair if I knew it would keep me from my daughter. If you�re looking for the deepest way to cut me, this is it. Don�t stoop so low.�

Now, to be clear. I will not keep our child from him. I plan to be as reasonable as I can about custody negotiations. But I will not have him in that room with me.

AITA?

# ¿ May 9, 2020 01:25

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

Update to the aita story where the OP's husband wants to name their child after his ex gf.

I just found out my husband, who tried to manipulate me into naming our unborn daughter after his ex-girlfriend, has been in contact with her. What do I do?

quote:

I recently posted on AITA asking if I was the rear end in a top hat for not wanting to name my unborn daughter after my husbands ex-girlfriend. Basically, my husband suggested the name Tiffany for our daughter without telling me that it�s the name of his ex-girlfriend. Instead, he told me it was from a movie. I eventually found out that it�s his ex-girlfriends name and decided that I won�t name my daughter Tiffany. My husband called me childish and told me that I couldn�t change my mind so close to the due date (5 weeks away!).

A lot of people have mentioned that he might be cheating on me with his ex-girlfriend or he still has feelings for her. I�ve thought about it a lot and based on how he�s been acting the past few months, they might have a point. So, when my husband got back from spending the night at his parents guesthouse (he had no contact with his parents), I demanded that we have a serious talk. It was pointless at first. I basically just kept repeating the same thing over and over again as he refused to comment on anything I said. Finally, I asked him if he was cheating on me. He immediately denied it. But I didn�t believe him. I continued to pester him about it and he finally admitted that he�s been texting his ex-girlfriend for a little bit, but that�s it. Again, there was no way I was going to believe him. I asked him how long they�ve been in contact. He told me not long. But I wanted a real answer, so I asked again. He told me for a few months. Basically, from what he told me, he was in contact with her for a few days before we found out it was a girl and that�s why he suggested the name Tiffany to me. We found out it was a girl at 22 weeks, and I�m now 35 weeks pregnant. So, he�s been talking to her for about 13 weeks behind my back.

I basically just cried and kept asking him questions to get as much information about it as I could. He kept trying to avoid each question but I finally got answers out of him.

He told me that she contacted him because she was getting married and was having second thoughts. My husband admitted to me that talking to her made him realize that he never stopped having feelings for her but that he loves me, too. And the reason he suggested the name Tiffany to me was because he knew he couldn�t leave me to be with her, so he wanted something to �honor� her with, which doesn�t make sense because it sounds like she�s loving dead when she isn�t.

I made him show me the messages and they were flirty with hearts and winks but nothing was sexual. From what he told me, his ex went through with getting married and they both knew they couldn�t be together again but they enjoy talking with each other.

We both ended up crying and he kept begging me not to leave him but... it�s wrong, it�s so wrong. I don�t know what to do. I�m lost. Completely. I tried to get him to leave for a few days and go back to his parents guesthouse but he refused. Now I�m sleeping in the guest bedroom, which only has a twin bed because he�s refusing to sleep anywhere but the master bedroom because he wants us to go back to normal.

I just... I feel like my entire world has collapsed. And I know people will tell me to leave him or divorce him but I�m 5 weeks away from giving birth to our daughter... and with the pandemic happening... I don�t know what to do. I need help. The stress and emotional pain is making my entire belly hurt and just feel weird and I feel like I�m going to throw up. I feel so, so, so hurt and confused and betrayed.

What should I do? Please help.

I apologize if this post is all over the place, I�m just way too upset to actually care. If I left out important information or if you have questions, I�ll answer anything. I just need advice and guidance.

# ¿ May 28, 2020 04:58

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for threatening to cut off my son's tuition because he lied?

quote:

My husband (M52) and I (F51) are very liberal. We have two kids, one daughter (F28) and one son (M20). My daughter is a nurse practitioner, and my son is still in college across the country, so he's staying with his roommate's family during quarantine.

When my son was 13, he came out to us as gay. We were incredibly accepting, and we even threw a coming out party for him (at his request, of course). Unfortunately, people at his school were not so accepting, so we kind of went out of our way to spoil him to make life easier on him. We bought him a car, paid for him to spend a summer in Japan, and gave him pocket money any time we could afford it. He had a boyfriend in high school, but they weren't together long.

My daughter was always extremely angry about this; it is true her brother got a much nicer car than she did, and she also had to save up for her exchange trip to France because we couldn't afford it at the time, but she also complains that we didn't give her an allowance for doing chores growing up - which doesn't make sense, because our son didn't get an allowance for doing chores, either. We've always believed that housework is something everyone should contribute to, and their father and I both cook and clean. It's not like she was Cinderella. Also, we just didn't have as much money back then. We paid off her student loans last year, and she still thinks we prioritize her brother over her.

This all came to head the other night when we were chatting on Zoom. My daughter sent me tons of pictures and screenshots of my son's social media posts, and it's starting to look like he might have a girlfriend; I was sent screenshots of the girl's posts, too. I was absolutely devastated our son would lie to us, and his sister told it's because we spoiled him. She also insisted that his high school boyfriend was playing along because he thought it was funny, and I just refuse to believe this. I told her maybe her brother is just bisexual and was confused back in high school, and she completely exploded on me. She said all sorts of nasty things, but what really bothered me was when she said "I ate pussy once, can I get all the student loan payments I made over the years reimbursed, now?" I told her she was being ridiculously homophobic, and she called me a blind idiot and logged off.

I sent her an email telling her that the way she talked to me was unacceptable, but I am going to have a chat with her brother. Every time I try to call him, though, he either doesn't answer or says he's busy. I sent him an email and explained to him that if he doesn't answer me, I'll cut off his tuition. I feel awful making this kind of threat, but I need an answer from him. I don't want to pry into his sexual life, though, so I'm wondering, AITA?

# ¿ Jun 14, 2020 04:18

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for getting mad at my son for being rude and not trying my bf's burger?

quote:

So yesterday at dinner my bf made burgers, he does it by boiling the patties and then putting it in a frying pan with a little bit of water. I thought it was interesting and would be fine so I let him do it, so he made the burgers and I called my son down for dinner. He came down and asked why was the big pan with the burgers in it filled with water, I told him my bf made burgers by boiling them, he looked at me with the most blank look and said "Ummmm, I don't want to eat this". I said "Come on, don't knock it till you try it" he said that burgers are not cooked in water and won't try it because it was boiled. I told him he needs to stop acting like a baby and it's probably good, he said no again and he doesn't trust it. I got a little upset because my bf was nice enough to make us food and my son was being rude, I told him "Look he wanted to share his way of making burgers and you're being rude, just try it" he said no and I rolled my eyes and just went to go eat. I told my bf about it and he was hurt and said "He could've just tried a bite" we both agreed but I started to feel like maybe I could've handled it better but my bf keeps telling me I'm not an rear end in a top hat so AITA?

# ¿ Jun 16, 2020 15:39

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

My [33m] wife [32f] is set on adopting an African American child and stopped being intimate with me until I agree, this has been going on for over a month now.

quote:

My wife and I have been married for 5 years. We have two children our older son who is four, and another son who is 2 years old.

So a quick summary, we used to live in NYC together, but then moved to DC as it was lower cost of living and now we have a house near the DC area. I work in Engineering and my wife used to work in consulting but now works at a non-profit.

We have had a good marriage, for the most part, I feel that my wife is generally the more passionate one and I am the more toned down engineer. This works well for us when we can eventually reach a conclusion but this fight now has been festering and really ruining our relationship.

My wife has brought up in the past about adopting a kid from Africa, but that was something we talked about doing when our children had fully grown, like maybe in our late 50s. And I entertained the idea but I always said it would be something we would get back to.

Now with the whole climate, she been dead set on doing this. Also she doesn't want an African kid anymore but African American (not super relevant but just pointing it out) She has already donated A LOT of money (relative to our income) to different causes.

She has brought up adopting more and more and I told her that I am not comfortable doing that. She said that the only way we can ensure our children aren't going to have racist biases is if they have a family member that is also Black, and that it will help us be more aware of our own biases.

For me, I am okay with activism and have done my part but this is too much for me. I want my kids to be biologically mine, especially since we are both healthy enough to do it. And I don�t think adoption should be used as a political or social cause, and only if you are both 100% set on doing it.

I have tried to talk to my wife, but it seems that she has gotten more and more strict on this. She called me a racist, I said I don�t want to adopt a White baby either, I just want to have my own kids. And honestly, it just has deteriorated at this point, we no longer sleep in the same bed anymore. She told me she is disgusted with me and thought she married better.

She told me that she won�t sleep with me anymore until I agree with adopting a baby that she can't share her body with a racist.

For me this is something I have to be firm on, had it been the case that we had fertility issues, or we were much older it would be a different story. But this is too much for me. We only get one chance to live a life, and I want my kids to be my own.

And we already agreed a while back that two kids was enough, I wasn�t even asking to have more children. I was open to it after I got promoted to a more managerial role but I was okay with two children. My wife was the one that really wanted to have a daughter.

I feel that right now, the situation is only getting worse and worse. My wife has really self-isolated with only people that hold more extreme views than her. She has already cut off some of our friends because she was disgusted by their beliefs. She barely even talks to her mom. For me, at this point, I talk to her mom and sister more than her.

I don�t know what to do, this situation has been going on now for the past month. When it comes to no sex I honestly don�t mind that much. I was a virgin till 23 lol, I can handle this. I just don�t know what to do about our marriage. I don�t see how us staying at odds with each other can ever get us back to a better spot. What do you guys suggest I do here? Should I get her parents involved? Is there an achievable middle ground here?

TL;DR - wife wants to adopt for our next child, I do not want to. I am okay with donating money, but I don't feel comfortable with adopting a kid for political reasons. My wife said she is disgusted by me.

# ¿ Jun 16, 2020 19:35

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

The op has stated in the comments that she is getting set straight about her white savior complex, and her response is to cut these people out of her life and call them racist. Most of their friends and even her own family.

# ¿ Jun 16, 2020 20:33

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for telling my niece to stay in the closet until she gets her inheritance?

quote:

My (42M) niece (17F) recently confided in me that she is a lesbian. I supported her, let her know I'd be there, etc. Usual ally stuff.

However, she told me she was going to come out to the whole world this week. I let her know she should absolutely wait for her grandparents (my parents) to pass. My father is incredibly wealthy and has tens of millions of dollars in assets that he will be passing down once he is gone.

My father is a raging homophobe who has flat out stated any gay individual in our family would be written out of the will. And to make sure the rest of us don't just split more money with said gay relative, they will, instead, have that portion of the inheritance (put aside for that family member) donated to charitable causes. That money will be erased from the inheritance.

Since both my father and mother are incredibly poor health, (stage 4 cancer and debilitating dementia respectively) I told my niece she should stay in the closet for a while longer. If she comes out as a lesbian and they find out, she will quite literally lose out on 7 million dollars.

She was a little sad but was also appreciative since that is obviously a life-changing amount of money that will allow her to live luxuriously until she dies.

My wife, however, said that I am being an rear end in a top hat. I am telling this poor girl to hide who she is just to appease old bigots. That is true, I am asking her to appease old bigots. But I feel like her life quality will be much better with 7 million dollars at the cost of 1-2 years in the closet at tops.

I have also seen my father's will and know who is getting what, so my niece IS definitely going to receive 7 million as long as my father doesn't rewrite or edit his will.

Am I the rear end in a top hat for telling my niece to stay in the closet so she can be a millionaire?

# ¿ Jun 17, 2020 01:32

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

Aita for taking away my son's inheritance?

quote:

Hello. I will try to make this brief. I (56) and my wife (54) have a son (23) who just got married he is an only child. My wife and I came to America when I was 22 years old. We knew no one had no jobs, but over the years we got a small restaurant and were able to make a living. 10 years after we got to the USA we brought my mil over. We had saved for years to give our son money when he turned 25. In our culture you give your child money when they are young and starting out because they will take care of you when you are old (so they can buy a bigger house, etc.). This is our culture our son knew about this his whole life. His grandmother has lived with us has entire life. She just turned 81 and still lives with us.

My son got married in December. It was a nice wedding and his wife is very nice (she is a white-American. I am not adding that because I believe she is racist, but it will explain some cultural differences). In March, all 5 of us were having dinner and his wife mentioned that they were going to start looking at houses when the pandemic is over. My wife mentioned a bedroom on the first floor for we come to live with them. My wife said it in a joking way. We weren�t planning to live with them for another 10+ years, at least until we retire. My daughter-in-law looked shocked. She asked why we can�t just use the guest room if we wanted to spend the night. My son then tells me that she isn�t used to our culture and that they would prefer to live with the family they make.

Honestly, I and my wife didn�t know what to say. Our son gave us the impression that he was fine with us living with him when we our older. He would even show us guest homes and the like from magazines. Currently, we have about 800k saved that we planned to give our son. It�s not a huge amount to support 3 people especially older people. After they left, my wife and I discussed our options and we decided that our best course of action was to speak with our bank and use our money for retirement. He knows about the money, but not how much. I told my son and daughter in law about the new plan and my son got made at me. Saying that he planned to use some of the money for a down payment on a house. This is our only money for retirement. It was supposed to go to him because he was supposed to take care of us. We have to take care of ourselves now and don�t feel like we owe him the money. Aita?

EDIT: They don't want us to live with them. They said it when told them the plan. My daughter in law says that she would constantly feel like they were having guests over. She also said it wasn't because she didn't love us, she also doesn't want her own mother to live with them.

EDIT 2: Because we business owners, we take deductions that affect our social security benefit. We will not get a lot, but my wife and I are healthy now and we can work into our 70s or 80s maybe. I hope that clears some things up.

# ¿ Jun 17, 2020 16:35

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 06:57

ad090: Oct 4, 2013; claws for alarm

AITA for �ruining� my sisters wedding

quote:

My sister is getting married in September (assuming all the covid stuff is over) and she made me one of her bridesmaids! I was very excited, I�ve never been in a wedding so this is a new experience. I�m also super happy for my sister, her fianc� is the perfect man for her and I�m so happy they�re happy.

she went bridesmaid dress shopping. She picked out these Super pretty ones. https://www.bridesmaids.com/ml21601.html . Gorgeous right?

So we get the dresses, and I try mine on. I Loved it! It wasn�t too hot, and it was just the right height so I can get away with wearing flats. Me and the other bridesmaids (one of our cousins and my sisters future sister in law/best friend) try them on and walk out to show my sister. My sister looks at me and her face just freezes.

I asked her if she didn�t like it, but she just didn�t respond. She asked if she could talk to me in the other room and I say sure. We walk into her bathroom and she just kinda looks at me and sighs.

Then goes �op, your boobs look huge� which kinda stunned me for a moment. I kinda laughed it off, because I have big breasts. I wear a 34ddd, so I don�t know what she was expecting. I asked what do you want me to do about it, and she sighs again.

�Op, you can�t wear that to my wedding�. I say ok, so we can return these dresses and pick out some other ones if you don�t like these. She kinda shakes her head and goes no that�s not what I meant. I�m confused by now. She goes, �I like the dress, just not you in it.� By then I�m like what the gently caress do you mean.

And this bitch goes �I don�t want any attention straying away from me and my fianc�, I�m sorry but you can�t be my bridesmaid.� I�m angry now �so the problem is that I look great in the dress� and she just kinda sheepishly nods. I storm out of the bathroom, and head to the room where I changed and got back into my regular clothes.

I walk out and my sisters bridesmaids are asking me what happened and I just throw the dress at my sister and tell the bridesmaids that sister thinks I look �too good� in my dress and she�s worried that it�ll take the attention away from her.

I walk out and go and sit on the curb to wait for my mom to pick me up (I can�t drive, im 14). My mom picks me up and I go home to cry because I was really looking forward to being by my sisters side while she gets married, and I�m also very hurt. Apparently my sister and her remaining bridesmaids talked after and my sister told them about our conversation. My cousin and my sisters best friend take my side, and now they say they won�t be a bridesmaid until sister apologizes and let�s me be in the wedding again. My sister texted me and said that I�ve ruined her wedding. I don�t know what to do AITA?

# ¿ Jun 19, 2020 18:22

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: i calmly said its temporary (its permanent)

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