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Apr 25, 2024 23:22
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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My (30F) dad (56M) isn't speaking to me because I didn't circumcise my son.
quote:I just had my first child. Me and the husband didn't know what were were having, but discussed the fat that if we had a boy, there was no need to circumcise him. It's not medically necessary and while there are some risks, they are much lower than the risks of having the procedure done. Basically, unless it becomes an issue, or he wants it done later in life, it's his body and we didn't want to cut parts off of it.
I'm super close with my dad. He's got a few old fashioned ideas, but is mostly just a chill dude that has been there for me from the word go. He didn't like my decision when I told him before my son was born, but said he's support me no matter what because its my choice as a parent, though he did ask me to think about it/reconsider. I thought about it, and I understand where he's coming from (health risks, cost of late in life surgery, being made fun of in High school for being different) but in the end, I still wanted my son to remain intact.
I had the baby, with my husband and mom and dad in the delivery room (like I said, i am very close with my parents) seeing me in pain was very hard on my dad, and I know this. After my sone was out and fed for the first time, my folks left the hospital, as they'd been there all night and needed the sleep. I haven't seen or spoken to my dad since. My mom is acting as a go between, and through her, I know he's eager for updates about my son, but he won't come over and won't talk to me over the phone.
I'm extremely upset he's missing this first part of his first grandchild's life, my husband is pissed off at him, and they liked each other before, all because of a difference in parenting beliefs. I don't want this to become a rift between us, him and my husband, or between him and his grandson. I just don't know what to do.
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Jan 13, 2020 17:01
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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I'm going to repost my favorite open relationship story from the previous thread. Behold the platonic ideal of opening the relationship
My(20m) gf(24f) wanted an open relationship and is now mad at me and wants it closed.
quote:So, me and my gf started dating roughly a year ago. It's a grey spot as to when we really started dating or I'd give an exact date.
So, three months ago, my gf comes to tell me she'd like to have an open relationship, experiment a little, etc. She's only slept with one guy before me, she wants to know what's out there, yatta yatta. Yeah, I was hurt, I expressed that I wasn't super keen on it, but she insisted. I figured she probably has someone lined up, and it's not like I plan to marry this girl, so whatever. Be free.
I lamented for a few days until my ex messaged me. She wanted to meet up, get some closure, cool beans. We go out, we talk a bit, she just got out of a relationship and I explain I'm apparently in an open one. She gave me a semi-pained look because she (and my gf) are aware of how much I value monogamy. We stayed and talked for a few more hours, I went to her place things almost got intimate and I stopped her until she mentioned it was an open relationship now. I nodded and didn't really not want sex, so we did it.
It really restored my confidence and helped me start to get into the open relationship thing. I'm a bi top so I ended up reinstalling grindr and haven't had a night where I can't find somethibg or someone to do. My gf and I occasionally had sex, and we still spoke to each other and stuff, but I never really mentioned who or how many people I was sleeping with. Afterall, she said this was about freedom, and I feel free as a bird. I still get to experience emotional comfort, affection, etc. With my gf and try new things and meet new people.
About two months ago I stopped feeling so depressed all the time and I started to work out more since one of the guys I've been sleeping with is really into yoga and cardio and asked if I'd like to get into it. I've lost a little over 20lb since and I'm still overweight but I physically feel much better.
Today, my gf shes really happy about the way things are and I couldn't have agreed more. I gave her a kiss and got up to go meet up with a girl my ex introduced me to. She really sweet, cute, overall a very fun person. The only other girl I've slept with since this started was my ex. I learned today I'm into a new kink and left after it was over. I walk into the house and gf is all over me. I start to undress, she start to give me head and stops 3 seconds in and asks me where I'd just been. I explain what happened and she gets up and tells me when need to talk.
I get dressed, sit on the couch with her, and she asks me if I've been sleeping with other people. I was like, yeah no poo poo it's an open relationship. She asked how many and I said I wasn't keeping track. Apparently that's the wrong loving answer because she burst into tears. She's only slept with two other dudes and it was just so she knew what her options were. I explained that she was free to do that and during that time I explored my options as well. She asked how many women I'd slept with. I said 2. She got mad and started screaming at me as to how I could lose count at two. I probably should have shut up right then and there, but instead I said, "Because I'd have to add the dudes in."
She went to the bedroom and cried for a while. About an hour ago she came out and demanded I: close the relationship, never speak to anyone I've been sleeping with again, and never talk about it again or she'd leave me.
????? I genuinely don't understand what she expected. She knew I was bi when we were just friends of friends. Why does it matter who I sleep with? I was genuinely enjoying being free like she told me to and I assumed she was too. It's not like I slept with her friends or anything, it was mostly dudes. And as much as I enjoy her companionship, I like the freedom this entails and I like having someone to work out with. I like learning about what I enjoy sexually. I'm having fun the EXACT way she asked me to. It's not like she wasn't sleeping with those guys frequently, so I don't get why she's upset. Why is what I did not okay?
UPDATE: My(20m) gf(24f) wanted an open relationship and is now mad at me and wants it closed.
quote:
So, she came home at 12am to tell me she'd completed her "last hurrah" and was ready to talk. When I asked her what she meant she stated she slept with someone else for the last time and she was willing to call things even. She restated the terms, meaning I'd lose my workout buddy, the sweet girl I met today, my ex who cheered me up, and a few other dudes who I now speak to casually who I've slept with. I said I wasn't sure and I had some questions for her and she was willing to at least talk about things. I asked her if the two men she'd slept with she'd lined up before and she said yes. She admitted she found them more physically attractive than me and that was her motivation for it, that she, "didn't want to live life never knowing what it's like." When I asked her what she meant, she meant sleeping with someone who was fit. I was a little hurt, but I knew she wasn't really "wrong" so to speak. I'm not fit, it's something I'm working on, but I'm a little upset that her motivation had nothing to do with exploration and freedom outside of visuals. That it wasn't the sex but my body. That it wasn't even my personality, but the way I look and how much I weigh. I'd like to take a second and point out I actually weigh less than her overall. I'm 6'2" and 255lb and she's 5'3" 305lb. I've never had an issue with her weight, even the things that we couldn't do as a result didn't bother me.
She admitted she didn't think I could, and I quote, "con anyone into sleeping with you". She went on to say she doesn't understand how someone would want only to sleep with me and not the emotional stuff. I won't lie, I got mad, and I said some mean and vindictive things to hurt her because I felt hurt. I shouldn't have lost my cool and I did. I've posted the mean things she's said, so I don't feel it's right for me not to admit what I said. I told asked her how she managed to get these guys to sleep with her more than once and that lying down like the beached whale she was and gargling on her own spit was far from my ideal sexual partner but I never decided I'd rather gently caress someone else because of it. Apparently it hit too close to home because one of the guys would't talk to her anymore and the other dude told her she needed to be more proactive in bed. She called me a human being and I told at least men want me to gently caress them and she started to crying. We yelled at each other for a while until it turned into me yelling at her while she cried until I left.
I realized how much more hurt I was about the whole open relationship thing and really unloaded on her. A lot of you liked to point out that I didn't plan to marry her, I want to remind you all this was 9 months into a relationship at 20 years old that I said yes. I'm not the brightest, but I don't think normally 20 year old men are planning to marry someone that early on when I don't have any real money or my own house and my car is a beater. I genuinely cared about her and before this I was planning to get an apartment with her. I'd saved up money and took her somewhere nice every month despite not having a lot of money. I'd participated in the relationship in ways I'd never felt compelled to before until she asked for an open relationship. I stayed up the first night alone crying because she didn't come home and she had the dude pick her up from her place while I was over and asked me to watch her place while she was gone. I kept thinking about if she got pregnant with someone else's kid and it tore me up. I didn't even feel like a man anymore. I said the next few days my ex messaged me, but when I look over the text and call logs it was two full weeks of me just going to work, coming home, and going to bed. I was hurt that my ex noticed how broken I was over this and that my girlfriend had bragged about how much fun she'd had her first night. It was a deep visceral pain that I buried with sex and I was so drat mad she had the audacity to be hurt over it. How dare she hurt me like that and then get mad at me for just to regain my confidence and make the best of things. I was furious, and it all spilled out at once.
I'm home, my roommate is home and he's making some cake and tea for us to eat and talk because I'm a mess right now. My workout buddy is coming over and offered to sleep (like, cuddling, not sex) with me tonight because he knows how much I was hurt about this. He's actually pulling in the drive way right now.
I'll try to respond to comments but I don't know how much longer we'll be up.
Tl;Dr We had a nasty breakup and I'm safe and at home with people.
Edit: I get she's my ex and all, but you guys really don't have to insult her weight. It was poor mannered of me to take that jab at her and it's not very kind. Although I don't think being overweight should be glorified (or normalized for that matter), but it's not very nice. Call people out for the things they say and the way they behave, not their appearance.
Edit 2: "he slept with 2 girls and some men from grindr. Obviously he's an incel" I think the word you're looking for is slut. I have low standards for looks and I offer to supply the weed in hookups, I could be 700lb and smell like anchovies and people would show up. Plus I offer to cook food for people and make breakfast for them if they spend the night, like I'm doing rn for workout bro since he has work in a few hours.
Final Edit: I love you all, except for that dude who told me my life will be an eternal hell for my sins and debauchery or something like that. I'm going to take a nap since I woke up to make gymbro food after like 2 hours of sleep. He'll be coming over later today to hang out. I'm much better but still very tired. Muah, be safe and use rubbers!
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Jan 13, 2020 20:13
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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My boss moved in with my boyfriend’s sister and now things are awkward
quote:A couple of years ago, my long-term boyfriend’s sister had just gotten out of an emotional abusive relationship and needed a roommate. Around the same time, my boss had also just gotten out of a relationship and needed a place to live. They are the same age, in the same stage of life, so I thought it was a perfect situation to pair them up. A couple of months later, my boss moved in with my boyfriend’s sister (which is across the street from my house).
Before all of this, my boss and I had a professional friendship. We were both hyperaware of the “line.” A few times, she had disclosed personal things, but she knew I would never bring stuff up at work. However, after she moved in with my boyfriend’s sister, our friendship ended abruptly. It got awkward when she started showing up at family dinners and then at Thanksgiving.
At this point, I am adjusting. But, I still find it hard to navigate this new dynamic. She is in my boyfriend’s sister’s wedding and I just get a feeling that I can’t escape work and must always stay composed. We ignore each other at social functions, only exchanging pleasantries, but I miss the friendship. I feel hurt and confused. Any advice?
quote:Oof. If we had a time machine, I would put you in it and have you go back and not suggest your boss move in with your boyfriend’s sister. You couldn’t have foreseen they’d become as close as they apparently have, but it was a recipe for seriously blurring the lines.
I’m especially not a fan of how your boss has handled this. You did her a favor by helping her find housing, and she has returned it by making your personal life awkward. She should have been much more thoughtful about the impact on you and not shown up at family dinners and Thanksgiving. (Really, she should have found a different roommate, but it’s too late for that.)
That said, it does sound like she’s attempting to preserve some boundaries, which is a good thing! It’s not sufficient, but it’s something.
I’d try to see it that way — that she’s not rejecting you personally, but trying to navigate a situation (of her own making!) that has put you both in an incredibly awkward spot. The current situation is bad enough, but it would be even worse if she were your boyfriend’s sister’s roommate/good friend plus still close with you. She just can’t do that and still be your manager, and that’s almost certainly why you’ve seen her shift the relationship.
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Jan 14, 2020 19:11
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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my employee accidentally posted porn to the company group chat and now wants to resign in shame
quote:Please help me, I am panicking here. My employee just posted a very, very explicit porn video to our company’s main announcements chat room, which has over 200 members. The video featured several very … unusually niche fetishes. (I’m not trying to kink shame at all, but I just mean to say that the video was extremely shocking and just … memorable.)
There were a few awkward comments and shocked emoji reactions before she quickly deleted the comment. I also saw it, but before I could do anything she called me, completely distraught. She basically said that she was deeply sorry and deeply ashamed, and that she wanted to resign because she couldn’t face us again. She wanted to mail in her laptop (!). I could barely get in a word. In any case, since she is already on PTO, I told her that she didn’t need to make any decisions yet, and that this wasn’t a big deal and would blow over. So she’s still on vacation right now.
I’m not really sure how this happened, but regardless I don’t care because it’s obviously an accident. She obviously wasn’t trying to sexually harass anyone, she’s clearly apologetic, and I’m absolutely sure she’s learned from it and won’t make that mistake again. I want to reassure her that she absolutely does not need to resign — that, although it may be embarrassing for a short while, this too will pass and everyone will get over it.
Most importantly, I don’t want her to resign because she’s a genuinely amazing person!! She’s super smart and creative, exceptionally hard-working and reliable, helpful and kind, and just overall a great person to work with. I would even describe her as one of the best hires I’ve made, someone with a lot of potential! I can’t say enough good things about her. I don’t want her to think this is the end of the world, because it isn’t, or that this incident would make me think any less of her. But I’m at a loss for how to get through to her!
And to be honest, I feel like I really understand where she’s coming from. If I were her, I know how utterly mortified I would feel. I think I literally had this nightmare once. That chat room is the main bulletin board for our company and has 200+ members, and most people at the company probably have “all notifications on” for that particular room. It is likely that many people saw it. So I can understand the impulse to just up and disappear. However, while that is obviously an overreaction to the situation, she seemed dead-set on actually going through with it.
I have no idea how to deal with this situation, and I don’t have too much time before her PTO is over. In the meantime, I’m trying to figure out:
• What do I tell her when she comes back? Should I email/call her now before she gets back? How should I help her get through the embarrassment/deal with the aftermath?
• What do I do in the meantime while she’s not here? Do I need to talk to my other employees/coworkers? Should I try to play this all off as a virus or something?
• Do I need to discuss this with HR? As I said, it’s obvious to me that this isn’t sexual harassment. What do I even say to them, if anything?
• About the 200+ other people at this company … do I need to do anything regarding that/speak up for her somehow? A lot of those people haven’t met her, so they don’t have the same positive impression of her that I/her teammates do. Should I try to say something in advance…? My instinct is to just leave it be and trust that people will forget.
• What should I do if she really quits?
• Anything else I’m not thinking of??
I just really care about her, I think she’s a fantastic employee and person, and I really hate to see her in this position. I feel awful that SHE feels this awful about it. I want to do right by her, whatever that means. Any advice at all would be deeply, deeply appreciated.
quote:Oh no!
I’m sure she feels she has just announced her very specific and very dirty sexual fetishes to your entire company, and not only that but illustrated them in the most graphic way possible, without anyone’s consent.
She’s probably not thinking that it’s plausible this could somehow be spam-related, or that her teenage nephew did it as a terribly misguided prank, or that it was saved in the copy/paste function on her computer from the last user.
In other words, she really didn’t just come out to your whole company as a fan of Specific Kink X.
The more you can do to push those other possibilities into her brain, the better.
Do you have the ability to text her while she’s away? If so, I’d text her something like this: “Truly, Jane, do not worry! There are tons of things that could have caused this — spam, someone else using the copy/paste function on your computer before you did, a prank from a young relative — and no one here would ever possibly think you’d intended to post that in a group chat. Everyone assumes there’s an innocent explanation, and it would make it a far bigger deal if you did quit over it! I don’t want you to spend another minute of your vacation worrying about this. You’re an excellent employee, hugely valued, and that’s the end of it.” (If you can’t text her, maybe call her in a day, ask her to let you speak before she interjects, then say all this. Leave it on her voicemail if needed.)
It might be worth giving HR a heads-up about what happened. You don’t want them to hear about it themselves and have to track you down to ask about it. Frame it as “it was obviously a mistake, she deleted it immediately, she’s mortified, and I’m trying to talk her down from how upset she is over it.” (It could be wise to do this before you talk to the employee herself, to make sure you don’t hear anything that would change your messaging.)
If anyone else asks you about it, shut it down with, “Technology can get the best of any of us. She’s always been scrupulously professional and I have no reason to think there’s any more to it than that. She’s mortified and I don’t want to make it worse by harping on it. It happened, it got fixed.”
If she really follows through on quitting, you can tell her how devastated you’d be to lose her over something that no one is that worked up about, but ultimately it is her call. The more you can emphasize that no one is having the reaction she’s picturing them having, the better.
Tell us what the niche porn was, so we can judge accordingly
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Jan 16, 2020 03:31
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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My boyfriend (27m) has a phobia of beans and won't let me (27m) eat them, is he being unreasonable?
quote:The title says it all really. I've been with my boyfriend for about two years now, and since we got together I've known about his phobia of beans. He explained to me that he can't stand the sight of them, and just seeing them on someone else's plate is enough to make him heave. Because of that, I've never eaten beans while I've been around him.
This week, however, I mentioned offhand that I had a burrito for lunch at work that had beans on it, and that started an argument. He says I knew how he feels about beans, and he thought I knew that he'd have an issue with me eating beans even when I wasn't physically with him, and that in his eyes it's almost like I cheated on him. I'm pretty sure he was mostly joking with the last part but still, he was actually really upset/freaked out when I told him and he's asked me never to eat them again.
I'm just a bit at a loss about what to do. He's not a controlling person, but I feel like telling me I'm outright not allowed to eat something even when he's not there is a bit unreasonable. How do I approach this, do I speak to him, do I concede and not eat them, or do I just eat them in secret?
If you made it this far thank you for reading, I can't believe I even just typed all of this out. Any help would be much appreciated!
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Jan 17, 2020 05:15
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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I just found out my (19F) online boyfriend (25M) has a pregnant wife
quote:I’m really sorry if this post is messy, I’m writing this through tears I don’t even know what to do. I feel so stupid and disgusting.
I met J through a discord server/game we both like to play, we hit it off almost immediately and have been talking non stop since. Things didn’t get romantic/sexual until a bit later but we’ve been “online dating” for almost 4 months now and I felt like I could tell him anything. We’d facetime on our walks to work, before bed and just waking up etc we spent a lot of time talking and just having fun. Obviously I know this isn’t like a hugely long time relationship but I really really cared about him and I thought he cared about me too
We live across the country from eachother to the point where it would be kind of crazy if we tried to meet up on a whim, we talked a lot about meeting half way and stuff. I never had any red flags or anything, he was so sweet and supportive even at my very low moments and I thought we really cared for eachother, gently caress I was saving up to go meet him IRL. I don’t really date much, I have some serious mental health issues and he’s made me so much more confident and happy which made me fall for him really quickly which is stupid I know
We talked pretty extensively abt boundaries, he said he understood if I hooked up with/wanted to see other people because distance really sucks and I told him the same to which he replied “don’t worry Im all yours”. I feel sick thinking about it now
I found out because I found him on Facebook. I don’t use Facebook at all unless I’m talking to distant relatives so when we shared our social media accounts I didn’t bother with FB at all. I got curious a few days ago and looked for his profile hoping I could see some stupid pics or whatever and my heart loving sunk. He got married less than a year ago and his profile picture is him with his late along wife. they look like such a beautiful couple I feel so stupid and used I don’t even know what to do. I haven’t spoken to him about it because I don’t know how, seeing that just made me shut down. I scrolled through and they’ve been together since 2014..... I feel so so so disgusted with myself for being so naïve and blinded by his affection. He’s noticed I’m upset and I just told him I was stressed from work
Idon’t know what to do, should I message her? I just feel so lost, lonely and loving stupid right now. I’m a home wrecker and I didn’t even know
TLDR: found out my boyfriend has a wife and is expecting a child with her soon through Facebook. I don’t know what to even do in this situation because I’m the other woman
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Jan 17, 2020 15:01
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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Stuff with the family members acting delusional along with the GF/BF etc always creeps me out the most. One person being bizarre is one thing, but when it’s a team...
the reveal of the husband knowing his mom was poisoning his wife was the pinnacle
Ah, the second best prudence letter of all time
Gastric Warfare - I fear my mother-in-law is poisoning me, but my husband doesn’t believe it.
quote:Dear Prudence,
My mother-in-law hates me and makes no bones about it when she and I are alone. My husband doesn’t believe me, and she even gloats about that. We have to attend family functions at her home about once a month. (It used to be more frequent, but after I put my foot down, my husband agreed that monthly would be sufficient.) The problem is that after each visit, I wind up with a bad case of diarrhea; my husband does not. I don’t know if the other in-laws are affected, because if I asked, it would get back to her. I suspect that my mother-in-law is putting something in my food or drink. Last time, I barely made it home before being struck down. Now I am considering getting some “adult undergarments” to make sure I don’t ruin the car’s upholstery on the ride home from her place. Do you have any other advice?
—Running for the Hills
quote:Dear Running,
In the great old Cary Grant movie Suspicion, director Alfred Hitchcock has a scene in which possible murderer Grant is bringing a glass of milk to his wife, played by Joan Fontaine, and no beverage has ever looked so malign. Just as Fontaine wasn’t sure if she was being poisoned, you aren’t either. It’s possible you’ve entered a Pavlovian cycle in which when you eat your mother-in-law’s food your digestive tract automatically goes into overdrive, or that there is some ingredient she regularly uses which just doesn’t agree with you. It’s also possible she’s trying to harm you. I’ve been reading a fascinating book, The Poisoner’s Handbook, about poisoners in the early 20th century—it was a popular way to off someone—and the new forensic scientists who exposed them. Peek at your mother-in-law’s Kindle to see if she’s downloaded this. The next time you go for dinner at her house, after the food is served but before you begin eating, you and your husband should agree to swap plates and cups. If you mother-in-law screams to her son, “Don’t eat that!” case closed, Sherlock. Of course, this would require your husband to take your concerns seriously. It’s alarming to think your mother-in-law might be deliberately sickening you. Equally distressing is the fact that your husband does not believe you when you describe her malicious behavior. You need to tell your husband that after becoming repeatedly ill at your in-law’s house, you have become afraid for your health. Tell him you are also afraid for your marriage because he apparently believes you are a liar—which you are not—when it comes to his mother. Say that he needs to take seriously the fact that she says ugly things when you and she are alone, and you are not going to stand for it anymore. If that doesn’t result in his attention and concern, then you may need to move to your mother’s.
—Prudie
quote:Dear Prudence,
A couple of months ago you answered my letter asking for advice regarding a situation involving my hateful mother-in-law, whom I suspected of tainting my food or drink at family functions at her home. You had suggested swapping plates with my husband to see if my mother-in-law would react. However, as you noted, that would have required bringing my husband into my confidence. I did not feel it was wise to do that, because he already didn’t believe that his mother treated me badly. But the next function was at Easter. She provided a traditional prime rib dinner, set up buffet style, and I could see no way that could be problematic. However, when we arrived at her home, the dinner table was set with place cards and in front of each was a ramekin of horseradish sauce and a small pitcher of au jus. When nobody was looking, I switched the ramekin and pitcher between my husband’s place and mine. After my husband and I returned home, he became wracked with diarrhea, but I was not ill at all. In the morning I told him that I had switched the horseradish and au jus. He looked at me with such hatred in his eyes that I knew he had known all along what his mother was up to. His only words were to accuse me of poisoning him! I quickly packed a couple of bags and raced out of there. I have hired a divorce lawyer and I won’t be looking back. Thank you and your commenters for your advice and concern.
—Alive To Tell the Story
quote:Dear Alive,
I so appreciate your giving us this chilling, stomach-turning update. Thank goodness you got out before your mother-in-law’s condiments turned lethal. When you confer with your divorce attorney, do ask about the possibility of criminal charges. And Readers, on this coming Mother’s Day, if your mother thinks you’re beautiful just the way you are, and your mother-in-law is not trying to kill you, happily lift a glass of (unpoisoned) champagne and celebrate the women in your life.
—Prudie
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Jan 17, 2020 19:43
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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AITA for "accidentally" letting my date give himself a bloody nose/lip?
quote:Disclaimer: on mobile and a secondary account as I use my primary on a different subreddit. I prefer not to have the two linked.
Ok, famous AITA last words I know the title sounds horrible but hear me out here pretty please.
Background: I'm female, a veteran (this is relevant later) and an avid competition shooter. I'm not super fancy or the best out there but I hold my own quite well. For me, target practice is extremely relaxing, I enjoy my trigger therapy time. It also gives me a sense of zen bc it's one of the few things that allows me to focus and live in the moment from one breath to the next nothing else matters. Bc of this and competing in shooting competitions, I usually go to my local ranges (indoor and outdoor) twice a week. So you could say I know a thing or two about it all. I also live in a southern state in the US but I grew up in California.
What Happened: I've been seeing this guy casually for the last 2 months. And he is nice enough except he is one of those that has to do the one-up game it's extremely tiring. Don't get me wrong I love a good session of poo poo-talking I jokingly say I was raised by grunts and I can be super competitive which in my book there is nothing wrong with as long as you don't go overboard becoming obnoxious about it. Also if you can't dish it or back up your claims then stay home.
This guy we will call M from day one has talked massive poo poo when it comes to shooting and how much he knows about firearms that bc he is a country boy who was raised around them he will always know more than me. Especially bc I'm from CA originally and therefore a "Yankee hippy". M has said bc my competition is generally other females it's no proof of my skills against a guy like him. So today we went to one of my favorite outdoor ranges, and I brought some of my firearms with me so he could " school" me.
I own a pistol grip 12 gauge shotgun which he went straight for. I asked him if M knew how to handle it and M said, of course, I know how to handle one and acted kind of indignant/cocky about it. I say well let's see what you got.
This particular weapon is a fire from the hip you don't hold it like a normal shotgun. And what does M do? M raises it up like a regular one resting his cheek on the buttstock or in this case hip stock getting his nose really close to the rear sights. Here is where I may be an rear end I didn't correct him at all. It was kind of like watching a train about to wreck you know you should do something but you can't take your eyes off of it and you sort of want to see it happen. M pulls the trigger, it kicks back and slams right into Ms nose/lip. I kind of slumped to the ground bent over laughing at him saying I thought you knew all about firearms and were going to show me how it's done?
M was extremely pissed and called me a loving AH before storming off. Now I feel I wasn't an AH bc he brought it on himself but maybe I was one just a little bit. So AITA?
Edit: to add he has made statements in the past that the military can't be that hard if someone small like myself was able to do it. And that he "almost" joined.
Edit: Thank you u/Unpopular-Pete for the platinum!
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Jan 19, 2020 16:25
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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One year ago
I caught my (24f) boyfriend (26m) talking to findommes for the third time. He wants to get help from a therapist. I don't know if I should forgive him but I want to because he is willing to change.
quote:My boyfriend and I have been dating for over a year and a half now and besides this one issue, we get along swimmingly. I love this man so much and know that he loves me but he has hurt me for the possible last time.
This is the THIRD time he has done this and I am sick with rage and don't know what to do.
A bit of backstory;
I am his first serious relationship ever. Before we got together, he was messaging camgirls since he was 17 and sending them money. He is a real sweetheart but not too social. I was the one who made the first move and asked him out
A month into our relationship, I was on twitter and connecting my contacts. I added his email and an account with the handle @steamformayhem (not the actual account but along those lines) came up. Curious, I clicked on the account and was shocked beyond belief.
I don't have the energy to go into what the findomme community is like, but do a quick google search and you'll get the idea. That's what his account was like and also had pictures of himself in sub-clothing. The account had not been used in 2 years but I was still upset about it. I talked about it with him and he was extremely remorseful and said he was too embarrassed to tell me. I forgave him and said that if he had questions or concerns to talk to me and that I would not judge him for his past. He deleted the account.
Cut to 6 months later, I have his phone and I'm using it to find a place to go to breakfast. An email pops up thanking him for a transfer of $100.00 to PayPal. We are not rich people and he had recently been complaining about finances that day but wanted to take me out because I wasn't feeling well. This made me feel worse as I did something I never did with any of my other boyfriends. I snooped. Hard. I found out that he had been sending money to multiple women and asking them to do or say certain things for about a month. This took a week to do and I waited to see if he would come clean and talk to me. He didn't. I broke down and confronted him and he denied it to me in my face. I didn't talk with him for three days before he came over and talked with me and said he had a problem. That it was hard to adjust and that he didn't tell me because he didn't want to lose me or leave me ( I know that's a lovely reason). But I had fallen for him at this point and really had deep feelings for him (still do). He blocked her. I gave him an ultimatum. Do this again and I'm leaving...
Because of my lost trust an paranoia, I did something that was really uncool and I added my fingerprint to his phone so I could access it quicker. I never used it. A week ago, I told him about it and he was visibly upset, but not too angry. Something about his reaction didn't sit right with me and made me extremely suspicious.
Cut to last night. We were dog sitting for a friend ( forgot to mention we don't live together) and I have not trusted him since I found out about this last incident. I had been having conversations with him that I felt like he was hiding something from me and that he wasn't being open enough. I asked him every day and he said nothing was wrong. I looked through his phone while he was sleeping and found videos that he had paid for. I was so sick I couldn't sleep. I couldn't believe he did this again and lied to me AGAIN.
He found me on the couch and asked me if I was ok and all I could do was stare at him. He knew instantly. He immediately confessed and admitted that he was wrong and made a huge mistake. I asked him to show me the messages and was appalled at what I saw. I almost kicked him out of the house the messages were so bad. I read them aloud and he just hung his head in shame. Going through more messages I found out he video chatted with one of them and talked about me very negatively but also that he felt kind of guilty about what he was doing (not sure if that was apart of the kink or not).
He apologized over and over and I just (and still can't) grasp why he did it again. We are going to see my family for Thanksgiving, then we are going to New York, then to Disney World for Christmas. He calls me every day. We hang out together every day. He talked about moving in together for the past 6 months. ...Sigh.
He's been doing this since August. We talked for over 2 hours and we came to the conclusion that we want to work it out but that he needs help.
He gave me all the passwords to his social media, emails, and bank accounts ( his request not mine). I messaged the women and told them I was not upset with them because they were just doing their job and fulfilling a fantasy. They apologized and gave me their condolences and understood. They blocked him and he blocked them and deleted their messages. He wants to go to a therapist tomorrow and talk about this because he says he really does not want to lose me because he was a dumbass.
I just don't know. I still love him but he's hurt me multiple times. I know this subreddit is quick to say give up but I really think if we get help things will be okay. But this hurts a lot. I don't want to go through this again and I don't know if a therapist will help.
TLDR; I caught my (24f) boyfriend (26m) talking to findommes for the third time. He wants to get help from a therapist. I don't know if I should forgive him but I want to because he is willing to change.
UPDATE:
He is going to a therapist on Friday by himself. He saw the post and thinks everyone is right and feels like a piece of poo poo (thank you). Wants me to go with him after his first appointment. Still unsure of what I'll do. Definitely on the fence.
He's taking a step and I know that he can do better. Told him that I am not here to help him and if he wants to do better he has to do so for himself. Willing to work on it as long as he does too. Thank you all again for the solid advice and messages.
Today
UPDATE: I caught my (24f) boyfriend (26m) talking to findoms again and I finally left. He never changed. He never wanted to.
quote:I wasted another year of my life by trying to help a person that never helped themselves and I'm paying for it in every way imaginable. I introduced him to the r/stopfindom subreddit, we went to therapy three times (only initiated when I caught him), I tried avoiding it, I tried confronting him. Nothing worked because he never stopped"the cycle."
I was going to study abroad in Asia in December and I did not need this on my mind before I went. So very impromptu on Nov. 16, I decided I could not be with him anymore. I was sick of feeling used and lied to about something that he didn't need to lie about. I didn't have solid proof. I just had it mentally because I felt he was hiding something from me. And he wasn't trying to fix our relationship at all, even though he swears up and down he did.
Instead of handling it well, he shows me an engagement ring his mom gave to him as I was breaking up with him and begged me to stay again. We didn't speak at all while I was away and I wish it stayed that way. I came back early January and our lease isn't up until February so I decided we could live together until then. And it was great until Monday, or at least I thought so anyway. We were talking openly about our feelings and he kept apologizing for everything that went wrong. He still wanted to be my friend. (Hard no.)
It wasn't until this last Monday, that he got a new phone and switched over his sim card to his new one. While he was at work his old phone kept going off so I looked at it. I fully acknowledge that since we aren't together I had no right to go through his phone but the poo poo I found makes me feel no guilt what so ever. If anything, I'm proud I can see him for who he actually is.
I found out he went to see one of the doms he was cheating on me with in LA and never stopped talking to her, even before we broke up. And in $15K in debt from sending multiple doms money (SN: he always told me one of the traits he doesn't like about me is how badly I handle money. HAR HAR. Projecting much?)
After I saw this I puked, packed a bag and left. I texted him that I am leaving and unless it was about the apartment, I never wanted to hear from him again. We've been avoiding each other since. I've been slowly moving my things out and putting it in storage and I just feel emotionally defeated.
I went through three months worth of messages and found a few interesting things other than the nudes, videos and pretty subpar sexting. He acknowledges that he lied and that he had an intimate connection with her. To which she replies, " That's called deceit not cheating." He's glad that it was her. Glad that he can finally make someone happy. Glad he can please his goddess. Glad to be "free". Upset that I never understood him.
wow. what a goof lol.
He is so disillusioned and addicted to this lifestyle that he genuinely believes she cares about him and that he's in the right. He thinks she's actually his friend, while she goes out to dinner with her boyfriend with his money and using him for emotional support (something he complained about to her about me. And how he loved emotionally loving with me.)
She is being paid thousands of dollars to stroke their ego though, so I think I would understand that you have to keep the customer happy. She got $500 off of that LA visit which is pretty impressive if you ask me.
I feel like I should say that I respect sex workers and everything they do A LOT. But this specific dom is manipulative and has no boundaries. She is a half baked amateur at best who really has no clue on how to even pretend to know what she's doing. She gives actual doms a bad name.
Anyone who is a proper dom and actually cared about their subs well being would never do the poo poo that these two concocted. Like sending me a picture of her rear end and saying she only did it because he asked her to. Asking him how he's going to spoil me today and him telling her that he's going to take me to get my nails done as a surprise. Him telling her how unappreciative I am of his gifts because they don't feel genuine (which they weren't lol.)
I never consented to any of this and this poo poo has hosed me up for life. But get this, she's an advocate for mental wellness. What a joke.
She praised him for getting out of a toxic relationship and was glad he could be "free" from all of my nagging and that I wouldn't hold this over his head anymore. (again, either she's really good at customer satisfaction or a really lovely person. More than likely both.) But he never told her that I was the one who actually ended the relationship.
But yeah, he never changed. He talked a big game but is so deep into his addiction and himself that he's willing to risk everything for it.
I should have listened to everyone's advice and left when I had the chance. I shouldn't have moved in with him. Instead, I was emotionally abused by a narcissist who felt that "he did everything he could." A direct quote he said to the findom he never stopped talking to for the past six months.
To those that are questioning and still have hope for the hopeless, get out while you can. You can’t change anyone that does not want to change themselves. You can’t convince someone they’re in the wrong once they see that they’re in the right. You may think that other people may not know them as well as you do. It’s just something you tell yourself to avoid the actual truth that you’re sacrificing yourself for someone who won’t even do the same for you. Take care of yourself first because you’re only damaging yourself in the long run.
Sorry if this looks all over the place btw. As happy as I am that I made the decision to leave, I am super depressed and feel like I failed. I know this is all his fault, but I feel like I should have seen this coming. That besides this one thing, he was amazing. But it was a lie. Reddit really helped me the last time and that’s the only reason I’m posting here. Because I haven’t slept in the past three days and could really use some support and will probably regret posting this later lol.
tldr; I left my lying findom addicted ex and while I'm emotionally destroyed and angry, I'm glad I left. Send good vibes.
quote:He also had a homewrecking fetish but I guess it loses the appeal if I consent to it I guess.
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Jan 20, 2020 21:26
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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AITA for "getting too upset" over a game?
quote:I (19M) recently started playing minecraft for the first time ever. I've been working on this world I've been playing for over 2 months with my little cousin, I've finally beat the game today by killing the dragon in the end.
My girlfriend came over and completely hosed over my entire world.
I don't know how tf she did it, but she somehow changed the game mode to creative and loving put lava all over my house, destroyed my farm, completely erased this huge cobblestone tower I made, used up all my diamonds to make diamond hoes, and I have no idea where my ender egg that I got from the end is. (She must've searched on YT how to completely gently caress over someones minecraft world, because she's never played minecraft before)
She giggled like it was funny or something, but I was loving pissed, I kicked her out of my place, and I haven't talked with her for 2 days.
She's now mad at me for "getting this upset over a kids game", and now expects me to apologize for being overly dramatic.
Most of my friends say I'm being a baby, and all of her friends are telling me that I don't deserve her if I can ignore her for 2 days over a child's game.
Idk maybe I am overreacting, but like what the gently caress.. I worked on that loving world for so long, and to see it go down the drain like that really hurt me. AITA?
The emotionally mature thing would be to talk things over with your girlfriend, and discuss how having all of that hard work ruined was a slap in the face. And you should also learn to how to channel your frustrations in a healthy way instead of kicking her out and ignoring her for a couple days.
Or you could punch her cake or somethin. Your choice.
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Jan 21, 2020 17:07
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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Apr 25, 2024 23:22
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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I don't want an urn of ashes going down the aisle at my wedding
quote:I am getting married next summer to my wonderful fiancé. We have asked his niece to be a flower girl along with my niece at the wedding. Just over two years ago, my sister-in-law lost "Baby Ella" at about 5 months. It was a very difficult time for all of them. Baby Ella is now in a small, sealed urn and travels with the family everywhere. It is sweet, and it helps them deal with the loss. I always figured that Baby Ella would come to the wedding but assumed that she would sit in the pew at the church. Over the holidays, my sister-in-law brought up how sweet it would be if my niece (her daughter) carried Baby Ella down the aisle! I don't want to be a bridezilla but I’d much rather her carry a bouquet or basket of flowers than an urn of ashes. My sister-in-law since had another baby this fall who will be too young to walk down the aisle. Am I a jerk for suggesting that maybe Baby Ella could stay with her and the new baby in the pew? I would get a small flower bouquet matching the wedding party's flowers to set with the urn.
quote:I don’t know how large or heavy the urn is, or how difficult it would be for a little girl with possibly less-than-excellent motor skills to carry an urn down an aisle compared with a posy. I’m inclined to encourage you to at least consider incorporating Ella’s urn into the ceremony, because it sounds like a lovely, meaningful way this part of your family is able to feel like they don’t have to hide their grief. If your sister-in-law is open to the idea of wrapping a small spray of flowers around the urn, that might be a lovely way to blend celebration with mourning. That said, I certainly don’t think it’s overbearing or dismissive to say, “I’d love to set aside an aisle for Baby Ella and Baby [New Name] toward the front, and have [Niece] carry a bouquet.” Since your sister-in-law asked in what sounds like a fairly gentle manner, my guess is she’d be open to a compromise. Please let us know what you two are able to agree upon. I’d love to hear more about how the ceremony ends up.
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Jan 22, 2020 00:02
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Jan 13, 2020 16:57
