very canadian crimes

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Heather Papps: hello friend

Not holding the door open is a class birch level crime

# ? Jan 18, 2020 23:57

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 03:29

Heather Papps: hello friend

slap a canadian goose, we slap cuffs on you

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Jan 18, 2020 23:58

Heather Papps: hello friend

My father tells of the blizzard of 20XX, when criminals dug a snow tunnel into the back of the bank, then broke thru the back wall of the vault and made their escape on sleds into the pine barrens

# ? Jan 19, 2020 00:00

Heather Papps: hello friend

Sorry sir it looks like u forgot to sew a canadian flag patch on your bag while travelling across Europe. Try america, you were never one of ours.

# ? Jan 19, 2020 00:01

SeaGoatSupreme: Ask me about fixed-gear bikes (aka "fixies")

I once got bumped by a Canadian and they didn't say soarry.

I truly considered calling the mounted police and having their cup of Timmys seized

# ? Jan 19, 2020 00:03

Heather Papps: hello friend

Gordon, we know you are an okay fella but seriously your NEED to get a permit for that moose. This is you 8th warning, eh? Ya only got 22 left so come summer 2030 you better have that permit.

Say hi to your pa for me!

# ? Jan 19, 2020 00:09

Manifisto

Heather Papps posted:

My father tells of the blizzard of 20XX, when criminals dug a snow tunnel into the back of the bank, then broke thru the back wall of the vault and made their escape on sleds into the pine barrens

what aboot the one where the bank was broken into to return a pen that the customer had mistakenly walked away with

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Jan 19, 2020 00:13

ellie the beep: Vaginas, my subject.
Plane hulls, my medium.

siphoning from the strategic maple syrup reserve for sale in the culinary black market

# ? Jan 19, 2020 00:17

Kaiser Schnitzel: Schnitzel mit uns

cheating to pass your level 11 in the national canadian piano program (it's real my canadian cousins told me about it)

https://i.imgur.com/R8ctked.mp4
ty Manifisto for this wonderful sig!

# ? Jan 19, 2020 01:09

Entropic: patriarchy sucks

actual crime from my hometown:

https://www.tbnewswatch.com/local-news/toboggan-trail-leads-police-to-site-of-break-in-and-accused-2003845

quote:

Thunder Bay Police Service officers followed toboggan tracks in the early morning hours of Monday, Jan. 6 to the scene of an unreported break-in and an accused male who was in possession of stolen property from the scene.

Uniform Patrol Branch officers on general patrol in the area North Cumberland and McIntyre Streets just after 2:15 a.m. noticed a suspicious male hauling unknown items with a toboggan.

Police exited the cruiser and began following a set of footprints along with the toboggan trail in the freshly fallen snow. This led the officers to a residential address in the 200 block of McIntyre Street where a male in possession of possible stolen items was located.

Meanwhile, officers followed the toboggan trail in the opposite direction, which led them to a local business.

Police located a trailer unit that appeared to have been the site of a break-in, and featured various items similar to what the suspicious male had in his possession.

Further investigation revealed the trailer had been broken into and the items in the male�s possession were stolen.

Toboggan Getaway Car

# ? Jan 19, 2020 01:09

Yinlock

not crossing the road when the driver of the car blocking you has clearly waved you on

# ? Jan 19, 2020 01:17

Heather Papps: hello friend

This man stole his aunt Cathy's butter tart recipe, and submitted it to the annual butter tart, maple syrup and firearms festival under HIS name.

For this most heinous of crimes he shall be placed upon an iceberg and shoved out in russias general direction. May the queen have mercy on your soul, for I will not.

# ? Jan 19, 2020 01:21

Stoner Sloth

i vaguely remember reading that it was a crime to get a moose drunk? or maybe i dreamed that but it seemed to make sense

sigs by the awesome Manifisto, Vanisher, City of Glompton, Pot Smoke Phoenix, Nut, Heather Papps,Prof Crocodile, knuthgrush, Ohtori Akio, Teapot, Saosyhant, Dumb Sex Parrot, w4ddl3d33, and nesamdoom!! - ty friends!

# ? Jan 19, 2020 01:23

Heather Papps: hello friend

Stoner Sloth posted:

i vaguely remember reading that it was a crime to get a moose drunk? or maybe i dreamed that but it seemed to make sense

Has to be of age, the real crime is giving it an american pisswater.

# ? Jan 19, 2020 01:25

Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

Heather Papps posted:

Has to be of age, the real crime is giving it anything labeled "strong beer" and purchased with weak CAD.

FTFY

# ? Jan 19, 2020 01:43

biosterous

making poutine with shredded cheddar instead of cheese curds? everyone around you will sigh and give a little frown until you politely deport yourself

^{^{thank you saoshyant for this sig!!!}}
^{^{gallery of sigs}}

he/him

# ? Jan 19, 2020 02:51

Finger Prince

For committing all these aforementioned criminal acts and more, the sentence is we're just gonna call you out in the most passive aggressive way, like just get everyone in a room and tell them they shouldn't be doing the thing when nobody else did the thing but also nobody has the balls to pull the culprit aside and speak to them privately about it.

# ? Jan 19, 2020 15:19

DeathCrabForCutie: oh fuc-

Heather Papps posted:

slap a canadian goose, we slap cuffs on you

this is classed as a suicide attempt in Canada.

sig by Pot Smoke Phoenix!

# ? Jan 19, 2020 17:45

Finger Prince

I have hissed at Canada geese in the past. In my defense, the goose started it.

# ? Jan 19, 2020 18:48

Escape From Noise

The most Canadian crime is still, and will continue to be, the maple syrup heist from the Canadian government's stock.

# ? Jan 19, 2020 20:17

Finger Prince

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

The most Canadian crime is still, and will continue to be, the maple syrup heist from the Canadian government's stock.

I dunno, those guys who turned the shuttered Molson brewery up in Barrie into a giant grow-op is pretty up there.

# ? Jan 19, 2020 20:39

Heather Papps: hello friend

Finger Prince posted:

I dunno, those guys who turned the shuttered Molson brewery up in Barrie into a giant grow-op is pretty up there.

This happened down the road from my childhood home. Now you can smell weed growing driving on the highway during the fall

# ? Jan 19, 2020 20:44

Escape From Noise

Yeah. Sure. But the maple syrup heist exposes a greater truth: the Canadian government literally has a Fort Knox for Maple Syrup.

# ? Jan 19, 2020 20:53

xcheopis

Joy riding in your friend's dad's canoe and none of you has a license.

# ? Jan 20, 2020 00:14

Finger Prince

xcheopis posted:

Joy riding in your friend's dad's canoe and none of you has a license.

That's no crime, that's just a canoe trip!

# ? Jan 20, 2020 15:05

wearing a lampshade

Living in unceded territories

# ? Jan 20, 2020 17:32

Heather Papps: hello friend

At a certain point in history, having lived here before the french and brits arrived.

# ? Jan 20, 2020 18:04

Heather Papps: hello friend

Sir looks like your chainsaw license is out of date. We take safety seriously in canada. Here, hold my beer lemme show you something with yer husqvarna

# ? Jan 20, 2020 18:06

GODSPEED JOHN GLENN: I put my thumb up my bum and shut one eye, and my thumb blotted out the planet Earth.

Heather Papps posted:

At a certain point in history, having lived here before the french and brits arrived.

oof

# ? Jan 21, 2020 00:11

Galaxander

Paying for goods and services with counterfeit hockey pucks.

# ? Jan 21, 2020 04:16

City of Glompton

Heather Papps posted:

Sir looks like your chainsaw license is out of date. We take safety seriously in canada. Here, hold my beer lemme show you something with yer husqvarna

lol

i wish i knew more about canadians and their potential crimes. reciting the lyrics to oh canada by five iron frenzy but it's not really making anything come to mind!

thank you PSP for the beautiful spring sig

# ? Jan 21, 2020 04:40

xcheopis

Galaxander posted:

Paying for goods and services with counterfeit hockey pucks.

# ? Jan 21, 2020 05:20

Escape From Noise

Being part of the street gang The United Nations or the Bacon Brothers gang.

# ? Jan 21, 2020 06:31

Escape From Noise

A Real Wikipedia Quote posted:

The U.N. gang had pioneered an alternative sense of style and recognition that became prominent in Vancouver, BC up until the end of the early 2010s. Many U.N. members would "cloak" themselves by wearing high-end, expensive and luxury brands based off California surf-trends, biker brands and accessories that would not typically be assumed as what a gangster would wear. Many youth imitated this style before the end of around 2012. Common items included murses, high-end active wear, designer jeans, baseball caps, sandals and name brand belts. This has become a well known sense of gangster appearance in BC due to the United Nations.

# ? Jan 21, 2020 06:34

Twenty Four

Going across the boarder to use Canadian quarters in US vending machines.

Then feeling bad about it and pushing the button for an out of stock item so it just eats the money.

# ? Jan 21, 2020 10:15

Escape From Noise

Poutine

# ? Jan 21, 2020 10:27

deep dish peat moss

lighting the white house on fire

# ? Jan 21, 2020 10:51

watho: The real world will, again tomorrow, function and run without me.

arson

https://thumbs.gfycat.com/BigClutteredJoey-mobile.mp4
thank u vanisher for the sig
and thank u nesamdoom for the good loops

# ? Jan 21, 2020 12:57

Escape From Noise

Rush

# ? Jan 21, 2020 13:06

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# ? Apr 19, 2024 03:29

City of Glompton

Twenty Four posted:

Going across the boarder to use Canadian quarters in US vending machines.

Then feeling bad about it and pushing the button for an out of stock item so it just eats the money.

lol

# ? Jan 21, 2020 16:35

The Something Awful Forums > Main > BYOB: BYOB BYOB BOYB BBOY YOBB YBOB BBYO?? > very canadian crimes

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