Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

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dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

zer0spunk posted:

i'm sure we'll also see a lot of religious weirdos claiming this was a plague from ____ because of ______

WBC is back and better than ever!

# ¿ Mar 26, 2020 20:31

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 18:50

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

pages back, but

Hopper posted:

And the loving machine makes me enter my PIN even though it was under 25€ which is the official limit for PIN free shopping. So as a thanks for trying to do my part I get to touch the grimey loving keypad.

I know it's nothing, but it was enough to really piss me off, guess I am more stressed by all this than I thought.

the russians just used a pencil

# ¿ Mar 27, 2020 07:49

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

First covid death in Montana today, 77 y/o guy in the asbestos capital, Libby.

I also got my "this guy is essential" letter to show to cops if they try to stop me from going to work.

e: forgot to add :rolleyes:

after "this guy is essential"

dee eight fucked around with this message at 04:54 on Mar 28, 2020

# ¿ Mar 28, 2020 04:36

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

ThermoPhysical posted:

Also they'd do something for those on Social Security too?

Lobby the feds to lower the age for full SS benefits to 60, get more at risk people out of the workforce, open up employment for younger folks.

win win

# ¿ Mar 29, 2020 00:23

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Mnoba posted:

the key pads and touch screens have to be little roni hotbeds.

I've been using a pen or pencil for poking key pads.

# ¿ Mar 30, 2020 17:42

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

klapman posted:

dont worry everyone, my grandpa's just confirmed that the coronavirus "isn't even real anyway"

well my uncle works at the CDC and he says

# ¿ Mar 30, 2020 18:46

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

I'm furloughed from my job until May 5th. Time to reread every book, replay every vid game in the house. :toot:

# ¿ Mar 30, 2020 23:26

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Facebook Aunt posted:

https://www.wired.com/story/its-time-to-face-facts-america-masks-work/

it's true that 1% protection is better than 0% protection
any nerd knows that

real life THAC0

# ¿ Mar 31, 2020 00:39

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Ugly In The Morning posted:

That�s a pretty drat normal temp unless you�re doing an axilary one on yourself. 98.6 isn�t actually the �normal human temperature�, thats from a terrible study that�s like a hundred years old.

this pandemic just needs a theme song
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ykN6Cz05bLM
and maybe a laugh track

e: first day of lock down, putting this on loop: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLTZavs4WAo

dee eight fucked around with this message at 02:25 on Mar 31, 2020

# ¿ Mar 31, 2020 02:06

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Dear Watson posted:

I have it on good authority (predisent of the untied states) that urine is tremendously sterile

virus is not stored in the pee

# ¿ Mar 31, 2020 02:15

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Furloughed until May 4th at least. I guess I'm not that essential after all.

edit: losing my mind already, i already posted that

# ¿ Mar 31, 2020 19:46

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Ornamental Dingbat posted:

I just realized that my work cell, which would routinely get 1-2 spam calls a day, hasn't gotten one in about 2 weeks.

Has anyone else noticed a significant reduction in robocalls?

Yes, absolutely. I haven't been called by the social security administration or the department of bank fraud for 2 weeks or so. And I stocked up on gift cards just in case :mad:

# ¿ Apr 1, 2020 03:23

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Rolo posted:

I didn�t get a mask and obviously I won�t find a mask. I have a merino wool buff for hiking in cold weather. Better than nothing?

better than nothing

# ¿ Apr 4, 2020 15:07

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Hopper posted:

Bernie Sanders ends his camapaign. The US is truly hosed. They can now vote either for a demented old fart or for Joe Biden.

Wait a second...

my new bumper sticker: The Other Senile Dotard 2020!

# ¿ Apr 8, 2020 17:03

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

# ¿ Apr 15, 2020 14:02

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Bend Over and Open Up Again, America!

BOOUAA!

# ¿ Apr 17, 2020 00:53

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

canyoneer posted:

feeling cute might delete later

with trigger discipline like that, the virus is the lesser chance of dying

# ¿ Apr 21, 2020 01:25

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

bottom right look like walking dead already

# ¿ Apr 21, 2020 02:13

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

I really don't have a lot to say, but I don't like counting down instead of up. Counting up days of stay-at-home (22) is ok, fine, I'm good with this. Counting down to "back to work day" (13) is worrying.

# ¿ Apr 22, 2020 02:09

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Big Beef City posted:

That's why birthdays are happy affairs. If we did them the other way it'd suck.

thanks 4 the perspective, i appreciate it

# ¿ Apr 22, 2020 02:17

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

I'm trying to figure a way to not go back to work at all.

# ¿ Apr 22, 2020 02:20

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

redgubbinz posted:

Yes, it would be, and yes they are. Cuomo and BDB suck, you're not going to find many defenders of milquetoast corrupt centrist liberals here.

They're also not the president, ignoring their duties as a leader and public servant to have slapfights with the media then cry about it on twitter after. Trump is the physical manifestation of failing upwards, and it's extremely unfortunate for us that a crisis this large came about when it did. Of course, you and that other idiot don't actually like Trump or think he's an effective leader, you just cruise on in to stir poo poo up and people can't help but respond because they think arguing on the internet gets them magical Anti-Trump Points (get enough and Trump magically disappears). Why you haven't been at the very least threadbanned for page after page of zero-content trolling is beyond me, maybe that's just the GBS way.

In short,

sir, this is a drive-up testing site

# ¿ Apr 25, 2020 01:38

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

dee eight posted:

I'm trying to figure a way to not go back to work at all.

and furlough was just extended to june 1st :toot:

if i can get my unemployment claim unfucked, it looks like i can coast to retirement and never leave the house again :grovertoot:

# ¿ Apr 25, 2020 13:16

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Can you cook a pizza with UV light? Then eat the UV infused pizza to treat corona virus? Would I have to eat 19 pizzas to make sure I get all the viruseses?

On a happier note, my work furlough got extended to June 1st.

e: I'm losing it. 2nd time I posted the same thing ITT

dee eight fucked around with this message at 02:15 on Apr 27, 2020

# ¿ Apr 27, 2020 02:11

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

bird with big dick posted:

Lungs are made of millions of little tiny air sacks and if you�re not careful they can get filled with cigarette tar or crystalline silica or cum.

Swallow, don't inhale :rolleyes:

# ¿ Apr 27, 2020 02:17

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Pitdragon posted:

wait a minute, has anyone ever tried vacuuming the virus? perhaps this should be looked into!

Mister we could use a man like Herbert Hoover again.

# ¿ Apr 27, 2020 02:41

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

LionArcher posted:

I don�t give a poo poo about UV. Where�s my death numbers chat, foods stockpile chat and people being miserable with their spouses/alone kids chat?

The Life of Pi but instead of a boat it's my house and Mrs d8 is Richard Parker.

# ¿ Apr 27, 2020 14:24

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Mnoba posted:

may 1st back to work thank god, need to reopen business before we find out what 50% unemployment does to a first world country

a first world country could probably manage, but us of america is fuckt

# ¿ Apr 27, 2020 23:41

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

bird with big dick posted:

I loving love tuna melts. Any tuna melt. Even the worst tuna melt on the planet is still delicious.

i have eaten exactly one (1) tuna melt in my life and that was because i was getting paid to eat it

you can have ALL the tuna melts and i don't mind

# ¿ Apr 29, 2020 20:04

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

this is a joke i made up all by myself, original joke do not steal:

So FDR walks into a bar...

and Jonas Salk is the bartender.
FDR: Gimmee a shot of whiskey and a vaccine chaser.
Salk: Sorry dude, you just missed last call.
FDR: Well gently caress, I guess I just roll then

# ¿ May 7, 2020 22:30

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

mrs d8 stitched up a bunch of homegroan masks

custom fit bespoke masks rule

# ¿ May 7, 2020 22:42

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Supreme Allah posted:

Did a countdown clock just appear for anyone else or have I lost it

Yeah, it's there for me

1 hour 8 minutes 46 seconds and then nothing happens

I think it's the end of the world

# ¿ May 8, 2020 21:52

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Grabbed from the boomer thread:

it belongs in every shop window in america

# ¿ May 9, 2020 18:06

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

abigserve posted:

It's simultaneously crazy and amazing that patriotism in America basically means you hate th government

Ambrose Bierce posted:

PATRIOT

-n.

One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

PATRIOTISM

-n.

Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.

In Dr. Johnson's famous dictionary patriotism is defined as the last resort of a scoundrel. With all due respect to an enlightened but inferior lexicographer I beg to submit that it is the first.

# ¿ May 10, 2020 00:14

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

sweet thursday posted:

I wonder if people know that their mom could be dead in 2-3 weeks all because they wanted to take a pic of her eating some eggs and drinking a mimosa or whatever

I'm going to visit my mom today. I will sit on the porch and chat with her through an open window about 12 ft. away. I will also put her unwrapped gifts near the door and wipe them down with 70% alcohol and move away before she opens to door to get her gifts (carton of smokes, rack of miller lite, brick of .22lr). I love my mom.

# ¿ May 10, 2020 17:38

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

The Butcher posted:

lady with the giant tits reads off a teleprompter.

this is all the news i need

# ¿ May 11, 2020 03:42

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

Celexi posted:

I have a nice Hawaiian shirt that now I can't wear since I don't want to look like a neo nazi woman.

wear that shirt

gently caress them nazis

tell all your friends to wear hawaiian shirts
let poc and lbgt and libs and tankies and goofballs and goons and goobers and goons wear hawaiian shirts
everybody wear hawaiian shirts

if nazis really want shirts, they can have the brown ones

# ¿ May 11, 2020 04:44

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

dee eight posted:

wear that shirt

gently caress them nazis

tell all your friends to wear hawaiian shirts
let poc and lbgt and libs and tankies and goofballs and goons and goobers and goons wear hawaiian shirts
everybody wear hawaiian shirts

if nazis really want shirts, they can have the brown ones

you said goons twice

# ¿ May 11, 2020 04:47

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

dee eight posted:

you said goons twice

i like goons

# ¿ May 11, 2020 04:47

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# ¿ Apr 25, 2024 18:50

dee eight: Dec 18, 2002; The Spirit
of Maynard

QuarkJets posted:

tie-dye is cringey

man don't be hatin

next you tell me my nehru jacket is bad?

# ¿ May 11, 2020 05:08

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

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