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Jazerus
May 24, 2011



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Cage Kicker
Feb 20, 2009

End of the fiscal year, bitch.
MP's got time to order pens for year year, hooah?


SKILCRAFT KREW Reppin' Quality Blind Made





Lipstick Apathy

yub yub commander

ThingOne
Jul 30, 2011



Would you like some tofu?




Salad Prong

The rancor was named Pateesa and liked to go for long walks in the desert. The day it was killed was its last day on the job.

Agnostalgia
Dec 22, 2009


Dapper_Swindler posted:

so han and leia have 3 kids. jason, jania and anakin.

why did leia name her son after the guy who captured her, tortured her, then blew up her home planet in front of her

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

~this is me posting irl~


Agnostalgia posted:

why did leia name her son after the guy who captured her, tortured her, then blew up her home planet in front of her

Vader didn't blow up Alderaan. That one's on Tarkin.

Farmer Crack-Ass
Jan 2, 2001

~this is me posting irl~


He did make her watch, though.

Agnostalgia
Dec 22, 2009


Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

Vader didn't blow up Alderaan. That one's on Tarkin.

Okay replace that one with the time he encased her boyfriend in mining equipment so he could be sold to a slug monster

Agnostalgia
Dec 22, 2009


Agnostalgia posted:

Okay replace that one with the time he encased her boyfriend in mining equipment so he could be sold to a slug monster

Actually wait, han got tortured by vader too wtf would he agree to that name either

Jazerus
May 24, 2011



Agnostalgia posted:

Actually wait, han got tortured by vader too wtf would he agree to that name either

leia literally remains traumatized by the memory of vader for like two decades, too. she named her child anakin while reviling his namesake

it's because they gave kevin j anderson the privilege of naming him, if you want the real reason. jacen and jaina have original names because an actual good author came up with them. if i remember right, the kja version of luke constantly badgers leia about forgiving vader and anakin's name is supposed to represent that he's getting through to her

OctoberCountry
Oct 9, 2012


Up Circle
Apr 3, 2008


i thought corran was just a regular old cop

cptn_dr
Sep 7, 2011

Seven for beauty that blossoms and dies



All Corrans Are Bastards

muscles like this!
Jan 17, 2005



The recent run of Star Wars comics had Luke name Rogue Squadron after Rogue One from the movie, Rogue One.

cuntman.net
Mar 1, 2013



wait that means that lukes callsign is rogue one too

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





cuntman.net posted:

wait that means that lukes callsign is rogue one too

Rogue Leader

Menacer
Nov 25, 2000
Failed Sega Accessory Ahoy!

luke skywalker wanted to gently caress and cum inside a computer

Agnostalgia
Dec 22, 2009


don't call me luke skywalker

skasion
Feb 13, 2012

Why don't you perform zazen, facing a wall?


Menacer posted:

luke skywalker wanted to gently caress and cum inside a computer

This is a dirty lie

He wanted to gently caress and cum inside the ghost who lived in the computer

Casu Marzu
Oct 20, 2008

SHUT
THE
FUCK
UP!
BIIITCH!




skasion posted:

This is a dirty lie

He wanted to gently caress and cum inside the ghost who lived in the computer

and was able to do so cuz a fellow jedi wanted to uhh join her dead lover so the computer ghost downloaded her brain into the now unused body



also the force ghost lady was hella chad

MJP
Jun 17, 2007

Are you looking at me Senpai?

Grimey Drawer

Qwi Xux's carpet matches the drapes

Also, Japan made a waifu figure of Jaina Solo

MJP fucked around with this message at 14:21 on Jan 24, 2020

Cage Kicker
Feb 20, 2009

End of the fiscal year, bitch.
MP's got time to order pens for year year, hooah?


SKILCRAFT KREW Reppin' Quality Blind Made





Lipstick Apathy

The whole galaxy almost got killed by BDSM aliens that don't exist in the force also they're made of a bunch of different organisms like all the pirates from that Pirates of the Carribbean movie where the dude had a tentacle face

Zikan
Feb 29, 2004



one of luke skywalker's jedi students, kyp durron, fell to the dark side, stole a superweapon, committed planetary genocide using said super weapon but after he was apprehended the new republic let him go because he said he was sorry

also the new republic let luke keep training jedi even though his most famous student did a genocide

Cage Kicker
Feb 20, 2009

End of the fiscal year, bitch.
MP's got time to order pens for year year, hooah?


SKILCRAFT KREW Reppin' Quality Blind Made





Lipstick Apathy

Zikan posted:

one of luke skywalker's jedi students, kyp durron, fell to the dark side, stole a superweapon, committed planetary genocide using said super weapon but after he was apprehended the new republic let him go because he said he was sorry

also the new republic let luke keep training jedi even though his most famous student did a genocide

lmao the Sun Crusher with its invincible Plot-onium armor flying through an entire rear end Star Destroyer

Speleothing
May 6, 2008

Spare batteries are pretty key.

Once one person started blowing up planets, it just didn't seem worth it to prosecute every misguided youth who blew up a planet.

4000 years of Republic history and no planets explode, then the Emperor and Tarkin come along and there's a new Death Star or sun crusher every few months.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Speleothing posted:

4000 years of Republic history and no planets explode, then the Emperor and Kevin J Anderson come along and there's a new Death Star or sun crusher every few months.

Casu Marzu
Oct 20, 2008

SHUT
THE
FUCK
UP!
BIIITCH!




Zikan posted:

one of luke skywalker's jedi students, kyp durron, fell to the dark side, stole a superweapon, committed planetary genocide using said super weapon but after he was apprehended the new republic let him go because he said he was sorry

also the new republic let luke keep training jedi even though his most famous student did a genocide

dont forget that he finally agreed to destroy the sun crusher by flying it into a black hole but since he's a character with a name and more than a little back story the author decided he survived by breaking all his bones and shoving himself into I guess a pneumatic tube like you use at the bank and shooting himself out of the black hole

George H.W. Cunt
Oct 6, 2010



Ru Murleen hosed Rookie One

Asgerd
May 6, 2012






Grimey Drawer

The Jedi let Ki-Adi-Mundi have a harem of five wives because his species was endangered

That must've boiled Anakin's piss so bad

Jazerus
May 24, 2011



Asgerd posted:

The Jedi let Ki-Adi-Mundi have a harem of five wives because his species was endangered

That must've boiled Anakin's piss so bad



this guy fucks

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



MJP posted:

Qwi Xux's carpet matches the drapes



wait what. did they talk about her loving feather bush or some poo poo?

Complications
Jun 19, 2014



Dapper_Swindler posted:

wait what. did they talk about her loving feather bush or some poo poo?

quiet your thoughts and search your feelings

you know it to be true

Sally
Jan 9, 2007


Don't post Small Dash!


Hazo posted:

Before Kessel was retconned to have Coaxium mines, they were spice mines run by a frog person who kept a harem of frog women trapped in a giant rape dungeon for when he got frog horny.

oh god i remember reading that one. the frog was called Moruth Doole or something like that and he forced Han to mine for spice in a pitch black underground tunnel.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Dash Rendar posted:

oh god i remember reading that one. the frog was called Moruth Doole or something like that and he forced Han to mine for spice in a pitch black underground tunnel.



Don’t act like you don’t remember everything about that trilogy, forums poster Dash Rendar.

Even the blind underground energy spiders

Sally
Jan 9, 2007


Don't post Small Dash!


has anyone mentioned the best swoop rider in Jabba's Gang yet? cause Big Gizz is ace.

and yes it's pronounced with a soft G

Sally
Jan 9, 2007


Don't post Small Dash!


Hazo posted:

Don’t act like you don’t remember everything about that trilogy, forums poster Dash Rendar.

Even the blind underground energy spiders

haha it's coming back to me pretty quickly and i wish it wouldnt. you arent helping!!

SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011

STOP BEING EVIL.


I know I've read the name Corran Horn a bunch, but I can't remember a drat thing about him. Probably for the best.

I read a lot of Star Wars books as a kid, but so much of them just kinda fell out of my head.

Hazo posted:

There was also a Death Star prototype guarding the planet for some reason and space Jedi Jesus turns evil and mindrapes Wedge’s girlfriend who used to work on the prototype

She also didn't know that it was supposed to be a weapon. She worked on the Death Star and a few other horrifying superweapons, and she just assumed it was for mining.

Agnostalgia posted:

Okay replace that one with the time he encased her boyfriend in mining equipment so he could be sold to a slug monster

That's just normal dad stuff.

Asgerd posted:

The Jedi let Ki-Adi-Mundi have a harem of five wives because his species was endangered

That must've boiled Anakin's piss so bad

Maybe the Jedi are actually really understanding about things even though they're supposed to stay celibate, and Anakin's just a weird dork who can't talk with anyone.

Obi-wan had a whole affair with the duchess of Mandalore and it was fine.

Vernii
Dec 7, 2006



Up Circle posted:

Before that happened she lost like 200 more star destroyers after somehow becoming president of the empire while they were still evil (i legit don't remember how she pulled this off)
and then picking a fight with a bunch of teenage jedi trainees

That was afterwards actually. She got together a meeting of a bunch of admirals and was like "i'm in charge now" and when they laughed at her she nerve gassed them all. Then she used her fleet to nuke a bunch of civilian targets before picking a fighting with those trainees and uselessly squandering her fleet once again.


Also the original designer of the Death Star was some guy named Bevel Lemelisk who kept getting executed and cloned by Palpatine every time he hosed up or the emperor just felt like it. This includes being eaten by piranha beetles and thrown into a pool of molten copper. Eventually the New Republic arrested and killed him too.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



Complications posted:

quiet your thoughts and search your feelings

you know it to be true

yeah but now i want to laugh at the quote.


Dash Rendar posted:

oh god i remember reading that one. the frog was called Moruth Doole or something like that and he forced Han to mine for spice in a pitch black underground tunnel.



also after han escaped everything went to poo poo for him and his frog harem escaped and he used his tadpol/catapiller kids as disposible soldiers. but than they turned on him, his eye broke and he ran into a tunnle and got ripped apart by giant spice spiders.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





SlothfulCobra posted:

She also didn't know that it was supposed to be a weapon. She worked on the Death Star and a few other horrifying superweapons, and she just assumed it was for mining.

Oh yeah, I forgot, she was also supposed to be “naive” but she just came off as critically stupid.

I’m pretty sure at one point in the book Han literally sits her down and goes “They named it the loving Death Star, you goddamn idiot.”

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Jazerus
May 24, 2011



skynxnex

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