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Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



LGD posted:

Trioculus was a three eyed mutant warlord who falsely claimed to be Sheev’s son and should not be confused with Palpatine’s *actual* three eyed mutant baby, Triclops

actually neither were palpatine basicaly space raped some women with sith magic/science for various experements but he got bored. those two dipshits the result.



https://www.starwars.com/news/barely-tolerable-alien-henchmen-of-the-empire-part-1

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Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



Hazo posted:

Before Kessel was retconned to have Coaxium mines, they were spice mines run by a frog person who kept a harem of frog women trapped in a giant rape dungeon for when he got frog horny.

There was also a Death Star prototype guarding the planet for some reason and space Jedi Jesus turns evil and mindrapes Wedge’s girlfriend who used to work on the prototype

also the lady in charge of death star prototype was Peter cushings gently caress toy and she eventually becomes president.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



Shbobdb posted:

I thought he was a homosexual and had a stormtrooper rentboy?

maybe he was bi. idk. he had a wife but she was some battleaxe from house Tagge and genuinely got upset when her hubby got vaporized. so she had a super laser built in his name.
https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Thalassa_Tarkin

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



so han and leia have 3 kids. jason, jania and anakin.

anakin gets his face eaten on a sucide mission against the space aliens that are masochist/sadist japanese fuckers who use biological tech.

jason becomes an asetic, gets tortured, becomes one with the force, has a kid, becomes evil, murders lukes wife, than gets mirked.

jania is a womanchild whiles still 40.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



MJP posted:

Qwi Xux's carpet matches the drapes



wait what. did they talk about her loving feather bush or some poo poo?

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



Complications posted:

quiet your thoughts and search your feelings

you know it to be true

yeah but now i want to laugh at the quote.


Dash Rendar posted:

oh god i remember reading that one. the frog was called Moruth Doole or something like that and he forced Han to mine for spice in a pitch black underground tunnel.



also after han escaped everything went to poo poo for him and his frog harem escaped and he used his tadpol/catapiller kids as disposible soldiers. but than they turned on him, his eye broke and he ran into a tunnle and got ripped apart by giant spice spiders.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



Lord Hydronium posted:

You could fill a whole thread just from the crazy poo poo in Tales of the Jedi. Like the Sith Lord that was just a severed head:



Or the dinosaur Jedi:



Or the tree Jedi:



i love the old republic poo poo. even that dumb MMO has some ok stuff in it.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



Sodomy Hussein posted:

Nothing's perfect! Anakin and the Mole People is the worst episode, followed up by any episode following Padme and C-3P0.

Notably the Clone Wars TV series does a lot more to follow up on this depiction of the Clone Wars than what we ended up with in Episode III. The failure of the prequels is epitomized in Lucas somehow wasting Christopher Lee as a bad guy.

yeah. i will give ROS one thing and that it makes 3PO do poo poo other than act like a dumb coward which is what lucas always wanted him to do.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



Hazo posted:

poor mara jade

thought of spores and died

nope she got murdered by her try hard nephew.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



Hazo posted:

Same but with The Courtship of Princess Leia, which I brilliantly summarized earlier in this thread.

hey friend. roofy guns are normal and fine. if han solo used one a rape gun than its ok.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



Sexual Aluminum posted:

Somewhere in the New Republic, Han Solo is being MeTooed and his wife Leia has to denounce him.

i mean he shot her with a Date rape/roofie gun once when he got jealous of her possibly marrying some prince. https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Gun_of_Command

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



Jazerus posted:

why does my thread title keep getting changed to be dull. this ain't star wars science, that's for the people who debate the specs of star destroyers

this is a thread about corran horn loving an otter, and other science facts

btw while star wars is the main focus please feel free to post other science facts as the mood strikes you. i would be particularly curious to see star trek EU as my only exposure to it is a couple of shatner novels and, well



I listened to one of those on a plane. it was one where quark and rom go to space Dachau because the bajorians are sorta almost at war with the ferengi or some weird poo poo.


Defiance Industries posted:

I guess Stackpole no longer has the pull to make them literally put him in the game as his self-insert character like they did for the CCG.

Behold, the man so charismatic and handsome that every woman falls in love with him and every man begs to be his friend.


dave anthony in space.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



i like the one with the imperial tax goatman is scrooge type shithead and than he falls inlove with some implied to be virginal young alien girl who is trying to find a way back home and becuse he really really hard for her horns, he keeps trying gently caress her and well. you can find the audio of the sex tape on wookiepedia.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



fartknocker posted:

Children of the Jedi and Planet of Twilight form a trilogy with KJA’s infamous Darksaber, so they might as well be lumped in with that. That said, I don’t mind his Jedi Academy trilogy, although that was earlier EU and I can’t think of any of his later books that I read, so maybe he did get a lot worse.

Crystal Star is I think the only EU book I couldn’t finish. I made it about 60 pages in and it was just awful...

darksaber was weird because it felt like a weird bad comedy and i kinda liked the whole "galactic crimelord is way over his loving head but he is so up his own rear end that he thinks he can make a mini death star so he takes Imp Von braun and some ex imp bullshiter and hires the shittiest labor possible and basically acts like he is tough super dude and rolls a couple 20s and than dies. durga=trump.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



karmicknight posted:

The Crystal Star is the Worst Star Wars Novel.

i mean its loving up there. i think children of the jedi is worse.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



indigi posted:

if Vader managed to kill Sheev the empire would collapse within like a year, he’s got absolutely no political savvy and seemingly no allies anywhere. it’d be a free for all

i dont think vader really gives a gently caress about the empire. vader until he learns about his kid/s is basicaly going through the motions with training/playing whatever hosed up game Sheeve has in store this week/killing rebels/killing jedi/etc. he only starts really planning to whack palpatine pretty late into the game. Basicaly, Vader is waiting to die until luke shows up.


Jazerus posted:

yes, well, mostly. the yuuzhan vong are specifically not connected to the force at all for unclear reasons related to them getting hosed up by a couple of droid armies in their home galaxy.

one of the droid armies was made up of cartoon transformers with names like "The Great Heep"



and, well, i'll let wookieepedia take over from here

i love that their are basically Reapers in star wars and they are such a minor poo poo in the EU that they are relegated to "well maybe that ugly loving robot from that cartoon that had kybo ren in it will work for it".


karmicknight posted:

Like the real breakdown is mover and shaker Motti telling Darth Vader to eat a dick with his "sorcerer's ways." Motti is a great example of how people with no connection to the big story beats the audience is aware of treat the Jedi and the Sith. They are a bunch of sorcerers following an ancient religion. They are fools and goofs and just a different political adversary to deal with that speak in riddles.

one of the better things out of the new canon is a short story from the new hope anthology where its just motti writing an angry letter to Imperial HR about how vader choked him and how he was just laying down LOGIC and REASON to Vader until vader forced his religion on motti.

Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



SRQ posted:

it's a good thing and important to his character arc. dumbshit stories that try to "humanize" Vader before Luke miss the point entirely- he wasn't human.He accepted his humanity was lost and was just a suit of murder that had completely given up.

yeah. i like vader as villian in both EUs. he is big gently caress off power house who has enough dementions that writers can do various different types of stories with him.



Bogus Adventure posted:

"Facts don't care about the Force," sneers Motti, mugging at Darth Vader.

"Do that again, and you'll go home in an ambulance," Vader replies coldly.

i mean yeah basicaly. https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/An_Incident_Report#:~:text=%22An%20Incident%20Report%22%20is%20a,view%20of%20Conan%20Antonio%20Motti.

quote:

"Whatever conclusions you ultimately draw about the incident taking place between myself and Lord Vader during yesterday morning's briefing, he was wrong, and trying to crush someone else's windpipe doesn't make you any less wrong, if you're wrong to begin with. Which he was. I do not concede the argument."

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Dapper_Swindler
Feb 14, 2012

Shitposting 24/7 without regrets. my parents would be proud.



there is a part of ancient republic history in the old canon, when they just became the imperium of man for like a couple hundred years.

https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Pius_Dea

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