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Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Horse





Pilot





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Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Before Kessel was retconned to have Coaxium mines, they were spice mines run by a frog person who kept a harem of frog women trapped in a giant rape dungeon for when he got frog horny.

There was also a Death Star prototype guarding the planet for some reason and space Jedi Jesus turns evil and mindrapes Wedge’s girlfriend who used to work on the prototype

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Dapper_Swindler posted:

also the lady in charge of death star prototype was Peter cushings gently caress toy and she eventually becomes president.

lmao that’s right, Tarkin gave her four star destroyers and basically told her to gently caress off to the secret installation protecting the prototype because ~women in empire are bad but he thought she was *special*~ and unfortunately the place was so secret she didn’t know about the empire getting nuked

So she abandons the people on the ds prototype to go on some weird rampage and promptly gets all her star destroyers blown up because she’s so incompetent. It was really just bonkers insulting to women

And then yeah she becomes space president for some reason.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





StashAugustine posted:

This same book also features Han using a date rape gun on Leia
Quotin myself from the Mandalorian thread

Hazo posted:

No Leia starts to fall for the prince but Han goes on a jealous booze-fueled sabacc bender until he wins a planet, then kidnaps Leia to it and Stockholms her into loving him while Luke and the prince team up to find them and they all ride rancors and Luke gets kidnapped by a hot young witch who eventually marries the prince and the evil main witch makes Han’s teeth explode.

That book owns. burn the EU

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





ThingOne posted:

Corran Horn was also the guy with the super special lightsaber that could change its length up to 3 meters.
I thought that was the guy in the Jedi academy trilogy who got Force buffs from the ghost of Exar Kun (who haunts yavin 4) and turned evil and challenged Luke to a fight so he could show off his sick length-changing lightsaber apprentices shouldn’t be able to build. I cannot remember his name.

Edit: Gantoris
Edit 2: gently caress

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Wes Janson (Wedge’s snowspeeder gunner from Empire) was a furry who hosed goat people

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





cuntman.net posted:

wait that means that lukes callsign is rogue one too

Rogue Leader

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Speleothing posted:

4000 years of Republic history and no planets explode, then the Emperor and Kevin J Anderson come along and there's a new Death Star or sun crusher every few months.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Dash Rendar posted:

oh god i remember reading that one. the frog was called Moruth Doole or something like that and he forced Han to mine for spice in a pitch black underground tunnel.

:negative:

Don’t act like you don’t remember everything about that trilogy, forums poster Dash Rendar.

Even the blind underground energy spiders :cthulhu:

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





SlothfulCobra posted:

She also didn't know that it was supposed to be a weapon. She worked on the Death Star and a few other horrifying superweapons, and she just assumed it was for mining.

Oh yeah, I forgot, she was also supposed to be “naive” but she just came off as critically stupid.

I’m pretty sure at one point in the book Han literally sits her down and goes “They named it the loving Death Star, you goddamn idiot.”

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Polaron posted:

Wedge Antilles, Tycho Celchu, Hobbie Klivian and Wes Jason once got stranded on a planet of people who were obsessed with dueling using rapiers with blasters instead of a sharp tip.

It was inspired by The Three Musketeers, and the planet was called Adumar after Alexandre Dumas.
Oh wow, is that what Starfighters of Adumar is about? That sounds kind of awesome.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Sodomy Hussein posted:

At a fairly tight two hours, the Tartakovsky Clone Wars series is still the best Clone Wars thing we've ever gotten, although not even he can make Anakin or Padme any good.

Don’t do this. It was fun but don’t act like it was in any way “good”. Threepio striptease? Dooku’s only line being “Indeed”? Anakin and mutant mole people? Cmon.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Sodomy Hussein posted:

Nothing's perfect! Anakin and the Mole People is the worst episode, followed up by any episode following Padme and C-3P0.

Notably the Clone Wars TV series does a lot more to follow up on this depiction of the Clone Wars than what we ended up with in Episode III. The failure of the prequels is epitomized in Lucas somehow wasting Christopher Lee as a bad guy.

I mean yeah, there were some fantastic moments (Ventress fight, Anakin’s phantom limb Force choke, everything on Coruscant) but the series as whole doesn’t deserve the weird reverence it’s somehow obtained. Also the horrible mole people subplot went on for like four episodes.

Abongination posted:

The young Jedi books were such utter trash and I read them all anyway.

There’s a moment where a bunch of students band together to force push Star destroyers away from Yavin and a force sensitive clone from a race of identical clones gets cooked by force magic energy.

You need to clarify, was this Young Jedi Knights or Junior Jedi Knights??? Because somehow both of these series were allowed to exist in tandem.

Abongination posted:

The Prince dude from dark forces has sexy pheromones that make everyone want to bone him, despite him looking like Voldemort.

He also has a sexy robot servant lady who is also a ninja assassin I think.

Dark forces writer was a horn dog I guess.

That’s Shadows of the Empire. Dark Forces owns and is good. Even the amazingly cheesy cutscene acting in DF2, co-starring Discount Store Will Wheaton.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE






poor mara jade

thought of spores and died

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

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Complications posted:

Luke fell in love with various people about once per novel series/author and those love interests died or vanished one book later when the next author took over until Timothy Zahn put an end to it when he won the waifu wars with Mara Jade.

And the ultimate irony is that canonically Luke died a virgin

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Rinkles posted:

in the old eu or disney canon? that's one jedi tradition i thought he wouldn't continue

Current canon. I think Luke got laid constantly in the EU.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





That comic has been around forever and it owns

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





zoux posted:

Elon Musk is a pretty star warsy name

https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Elan_Mak

quote:

Elan Mak was a Fluggrian podracer from Ploo IV who participated in the Boonta Eve Classic race on the planet Tatooine during the Naboo Crisis. Mak finished the race in fifth place.[1]

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Neva Kee and Wan Sandage never appeared in the movie.


Neither did Bullseye Navoir, who looks like a teletubby and was my favorite pod for probably the same reasons the a-wing is my favorite ship :sanix:

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





What the gently caress


How has lightsaber knees not been posted in this thread before now

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Just going from memory here, but are those the Ssiii-roovi or whatever the hell from that Truce at Bakura novel?

I remember its big claim to fame was being the first EU story set after the movies, and just so nobody else could hold that title, the author started the book with Luke literally riding in a shuttle back from the Battle of Endor

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Big Beef City posted:

I have a question that this science based thread may be able to help with.

How do
the force

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





shame on an IGA posted:

Truce at Bakura, which I was given as a small child and mercifully was unable at the time to recognize how Weird Horny it was

Same but with The Courtship of Princess Leia, which I brilliantly summarized earlier in this thread.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Dapper_Swindler posted:

i mean he shot her with a Date rape/roofie gun once when he got jealous of her possibly marrying some prince. https://starwars.fandom.com/wiki/Gun_of_Command

I was rewatching clone wars yesterday and it’s really remarkable how pivotal that single dumb loving book ended up being to Star Wars canon, both Legends and the real one. Darth Maul’s resurrection, Ventress’s backstory, whatever the hell is going on on Dathomir in Fallen Order (haven’t gotten there yet)... it’s honestly amazing.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





I guess it’s just weird to me that they kept the name and everything from a book that had a bunch of gross weird stuff like elderly witch titties and rancors and exploding teeth torture and rape guns and alien princes and threepio singing songs about Han being great

They’ve shown before they’re willing to canonize old EU stuff while slapping a different label on it (Korriban/Moribund comes to mind). Maybe they just really like the way Dathomir sounded.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE






Karl Urban is really getting around in big franchises.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





4-LOM's concussion rifle was loving sick

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

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The only possible canon explanation is that the empire/FO was saving trillions of credits by not building handrails

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Cornwind Evil posted:

A lot of Star Wars stories would be a lot more palatable if they were presented under an umbrella of 'Here's something that could have happened.' instead of 'here's something that definitely happened.' The sperg insistence on the latter is why the Legends section of the Death Star II battle on the will had/has Lando being recorded as picking up video game powerups alongside stuff like the guy who crashed into the Executor and who was standing by Ackbar when he said it was a trap.

Please do not disrespect heroic Rebel A-Wing pilot Arvel Crynyd like this

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Unlimited planets throughout the galaxy and Luke sets up his praxeum on an old rebel base where within, like, walking distance is the tomb of the undead baddest sith lord that ever lived, and everybody’s just kind of ok with this

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





SlothfulCobra posted:

I thought it was such an ancient temple that nobody knew who built it or what it was for until ghosts started popping up. Although to be honest, Luke probably should've moved the academy after they found that ancient slumbering Jedi master chinchilla guarding an orb filled with the damned souls of children.

I'm almost certain there was a reason given in the KJA Jedi Academy trilogy for why he picked Yavin IV, but I can't remember it.

Energy spiders, horny concubine frogs, and a device that detects the force if you point it at someone the right way? poo poo's burned into my brain.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Jazerus posted:

the jedi academy trilogy had a subtle but awful effect on the whole rest of the EU by being so pivotal and yet full of dissonant details.

This is an excellent way of putting it. So much of Legends (and even a whole-rear end video game) was based on Luke's New Jedi Order, which was established in a trilogy that also included energy-sucking cave spiders; dark possessions from a super-evil Sith lord that lived, like, around the block; all-male jedi hot tub training sessions; Vader grave robbery; Tarkin's astoundingly incompetent ex; Wedge just sort of finding a jedi-detecting radio; frog rape dungeons; and probably way more insane poo poo than what I've already listed.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





It's been less than four months and there are millions of people who sincerely believe Donald Trump won the 2020 election.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Robot Style posted:

I don't think Han necessarily believes the Jedi are a myth - he doesn't believe in the concept of destiny or the Force as something that can help you in the real world.

It's a little unclear.

quote:

REY
The Jedi were real?

HAN
I used to wonder that myself. Thought
it was a bunch of mumbo-jumbo --
magical power holding together good,
evil, the dark side and the light.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Bogus Adventure posted:

Someone told me this is the place to post sexy Star Wars aliens, so here you go:













Not enough big juicy eyes 6/10

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Therm Scissorpunch was posted back on page six, y’all are just too busy being jealous of him to notice


That Nepotis gag is new to me though lmao

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





SlothfulCobra posted:

Eventually Han Solo and Kyp Durron found the facility, and they told Qwi Xux about everything her inventions did, and after finally being convinced, she escaped with them to go work for the New Republic. She was put under the protection of Wedge Antilles, and over time they developed some kind of romantic relationship until after their first kiss, Kyp Durron showed up again after turning to the dark side and wiped her brain for reasons.

I think it was so she couldn't recreate the Sun Crusher which Kyp had stolen. This was also during Kyp's angsty galactic rampage and just before this he'd gone to Endor to scoop up Vader's armor and wear it, causing Qwi to think Vader had somehow come back to life to attack her.

For being a genius scientist, Qwi was also known for being extremely stupid. She legit thought her superweapons were used for friendly purposes. I think she gives the example of the Death Star's purpose being to break up asteroids for mining ore. Han or Wedge or somebody had to sit her down and be like "How dumb are you? Literally think of the names of your inventions. DEATH STAR. WORLD DEVASTATORS. It's not very subtle you dizzy bitch."

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





Defiance Industries posted:

Any time someone tries to suggest that some theory based entirely on circumstantial background poo poo is what Lucas "intended" I point to stuff like this and Nute Gunray.

George Lucas has the mind of a child.

“I hate how Star Wars became so SJW female-focused. Keep your politics out of my space laser movies”

Bitch did you actually watch the movies? The fact that so many Star Wars “fans” are turbo chuddy is still really weird to me.

Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





I like how Lando's idea of disguise is cosplaying as a JRPG villain while Chewie appears to just have kind of thrown on a poncho.

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Hazo
Dec 30, 2004

SCIENCE





She tried to make a meme (and this dates itself pretty well) where people who hated her poo poo writing should be called "Talifans."

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