Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us $3,400 per month for bandwidth bills alone, and since we don't believe in shoving popup ads to our registered users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
«28 »
  • Post
  • Reply
TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Oh man this was gonna be about Leia but Carrie Fisher died but gotta cram her in this anyway
I wanted Finn to be a Jedi but Rian messed it up so I guess I'll just tell you about it at the end instead of do anything about it
Boohoo TLJ made Snoke disposable so I'll make him literally disposable
A character recommends hyperspace ramming Exegol and they're all like "nah that was a ONE IN A MILLION THING" instead of leaning into it, JJ wishes he'd thought of it
JJ basically flushes any potential storytelling about Kylo Ren being the new Space Emperor before the opening crawl finishes


Also WTF is Abrams' obsession with putting spaceships underwater, like dude they're built to hold in 1 atmosphere of pressure, they're not goddamned submarines, stop it already

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Roth
Jul 9, 2016


My main disappointment is that they didn't lean in to the Palpatine shlock even harder and have his fleet of ships just be an army of undead stormtroopers using ships that are falling apart.

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



"UGH everyone said Starkiller base was just another Death Star, wait until they see a thousand tiny Death Stars that are just ships

yo stop hogging the bong man"

TheKingofSprings
Oct 9, 2012



Roth posted:

My main disappointment is that they didn't lean in to the Palpatine shlock even harder and have his fleet of ships just be an army of undead stormtroopers using ships that are falling apart.

I was thinking about this the other day, Palpatine should've been legitimately just a ghost in some kind of soul jar fuelling a bunch of old Sith weapons out of sheer hatred and he's only beaten when people work together to cut him off from the Force

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Yeah, I like that.

My original thought after TFA was that Kylo Ren was going deep Dark-Side undercover to get close enough to Snoke/Palpatine/Whothefuckever that he could eliminate them -- that the thing he needed to 'finish' of Vader's was destroying the Sith by harnessing the Dark Side. The 'pull to the light' was what he needed to keep hidden for the plan to work, and killing Han was his attempt to get there. I figured he'd succeed but be unable to 'redeem' himself, so Rey would ultimately sacrifice herself to bring him back. I was close, I guess, but I thought having Kylo be essentially Leonardo DiCaprio's character from "The Departed" had way more potential.

TROS just feels like some really nerdy powergamers passing around the boing going "Dude you know what would be cool"

Gnome de plume
Sep 5, 2006

Hell.
Fucking.
Yes.


JJ Abrams with his hand on a giant dial labelled NOSTALGIA, watching the audience expressions as he carefully twists it to the right

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



I was fine with most of the story bits on paper but it absolutely should have been two moviesóideally Disney would have actually planned out the trilogy in advance but making it a quintet instead of a trilogy would have worked too. Nothing gets built up to, it just happens and then weíre immediately rushed to the next setpiece because we donít have time to let anything breathe. The opening crawl just being like ďoh hey guys Palpatine is backĒ is the most obvious thing but the whole movie is like that.

TremorX posted:

A character recommends hyperspace ramming Exegol and they're all like "nah that was a ONE IN A MILLION THING" instead of leaning into it, JJ wishes he'd thought of it

They had to do that, though, they need some half-rear end reason for the kamikaze not to work again or else they wouldnít be able to have an actual battle scene again

Elentor
Dec 14, 2004








I wish TROS revealed that the true villain was Jar Jar Binks who was Darth Plagueis manipulating everything all along.

Nucular Carmul
Jan 26, 2005

Melongenidae incantatrix

The first half hour of the movie almost made me want to leave. It was too fast paced and lovely, and I didn't get invested until Rey shot lightning and blew up chewie. Then they were like lol finn has no object permanence (hello jenny nicholson) and he was just alive again and I stopped caring again.

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



Nucular Carmul posted:

The first half hour of the movie almost made me want to leave. It was too fast paced and lovely, and I didn't get invested until Rey shot lightning and blew up chewie. Then they were like lol finn has no object permanence (hello jenny nicholson) and he was just alive again and I stopped caring again.

Not only was immediately bringing Chewie back a chickenshit move but they revealed that to the audience before they did to the main characters so that big scene where they attack the enemy ship in Chewieís memory has any potential emotional impact drained out of it in advance lol

cuntman.net
Mar 1, 2013



the dead speak!

C-Euro
Mar 20, 2010



Soiled Meat

I almost booed out loud when Rey and Ben kissed at the end, except when I went to see it a bunch of kids kept running in and out of the theater yelling a bunch of poo poo during the previews and I figured everyone else had had enough.

TheKingofSprings posted:

I was thinking about this the other day, Palpatine should've been legitimately just a ghost in some kind of soul jar fuelling a bunch of old Sith weapons out of sheer hatred and he's only beaten when people work together to cut him off from the Force

Literally the same thought I had walking out of the theater. "Force ghost that gains corpulence at the end" makes way more sense than "actual lich"

Chuck Buried Treasure
Dec 27, 2010



TheKingofSprings posted:

I was thinking about this the other day, Palpatine should've been legitimately just a ghost in some kind of soul jar fuelling a bunch of old Sith weapons out of sheer hatred and he's only beaten when people work together to cut him off from the Force

Yeah, this was my hope going in. A physical resurrection combined with not explaining anything about it robs the finale of any drama since for all we know he could just come back in another 40 years. It should have been spiritual warfare.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

red bird

cuntman.net posted:

the dead speak!

And they're voting Republican!

MonsieurChoc
Oct 12, 2013

Every species can smell its own extinction.




nine-gear crow posted:

And they're voting Republican!

Okay, who let Giovanni return?

Halloween Jack
Sep 11, 2003

Let your word be "Yes, Yes" or "No, No"; anything more than this comes from the evil one.



TheKingofSprings posted:

I was thinking about this the other day, Palpatine should've been legitimately just a ghost in some kind of soul jar fuelling a bunch of old Sith weapons out of sheer hatred and he's only beaten when people work together to cut him off from the Force
What if they flushed him

Infidelicious
Apr 9, 2013


People made fun of me for making a bigger death star so now made hundreds of small death stars.

DemoneeHo
Nov 8, 2017

Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca


OP, you forgot how TLJ made Rey a nobody who was the child of nobodies.

Then JJ was all gently caress that, Palpatine fucks now

Some Goon
Jan 6, 2013

A golden helix streaked skyward from the Helvault. A thunderous explosion shattered the silver monolith and Avacyn emerged, free from her prison at last.



Infidelicious posted:

People made fun of me for making a bigger death star so now made hundreds of small death stars.

An underappreciated shout out to the dozens of times that happened in the EU.

TheKingofSprings
Oct 9, 2012



Halloween Jack posted:

What if they flushed him

They already tried that with a Death Star sized toilet, I don't think it's gonna take this time Jack

Warmachine
Jan 30, 2012

I came here to laugh at you





I feel like "aggressively bland" is the best way to describe it. Also "this movie is beige." I felt nothing in the theater aside from the vague awkwardness of seeing a movie alone and being surrounded by strangers. ()

C-Euro posted:

I almost booed out loud when Rey and Ben kissed at the end

This too, but I managed to restrain myself to only rolling my eyes.

100 degrees Calcium
Jan 22, 2011





not even SuperMechaGodzilla could save TRoS.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

red bird

Warmachine posted:

I feel like "aggressively bland" is the best way to describe it. Also "this movie is beige." I felt nothing in the theater aside from the vague awkwardness of seeing a movie alone and being surrounded by strangers. ()


This too, but I managed to restrain myself to only rolling my eyes.

The first thirty minutes were so awkwardly fast I was exhausted by the time the movie slowed down when they got to Burning Man Planet. Then I just coasted through it feeling mild apathy until they revealed Rey was actually Palpy's granddaughter and Sheev Palpatine had sex at one point. Then I just felt sick and gross for the rest of the film because ruined one of the bests twists Star Wars ever did because men on Reddit screamed and cried about it for two years... AND I now have to live in a world where someone banged Palpatine.

Thanks JJ Abrams and Chris Terrio.

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014

I AM TRULY ONE OF THE WORST POSTERS ON THIS SITE. LOOK UPON THIS GUY MANN REREG AND DESPAIR.


Writing fanfiction about one of the five writers of a movie where you project your criticisms of the story of the film as said writer's personal failings is really normal and healthy.

Kaysette
Jan 4, 2009





sheev did a big cum in someone and now we have TROS

Jose Oquendo
Jun 20, 2004

At the end of 2018, a study was published by London Metropolitan University showing that certain bacteria, normally present only in intestinal tracts or feces, were found on McDonald's self-service screens.


Kaysette posted:

sheev did a big cum in someone and now we have TROS

Iím pretty sure he did that after his face turned into a prune, making the entire sex act even more frightening.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

red bird

And then they hooked him up to a giant hydraulic arm and he whipped around the set like a baby in a jolly jumper going weeeeee while Rey was trying to be all serious and poo poo.

Incoherence
May 22, 2004

POYO AND TEAR


I had a similar feeling from TRoS as from the last two Avengers movies: I'd just been bombarded with so many plot points and so much stakes-raising that it all just sort of washed over me. A lot of those plot points are an attempt to handwave away about 80% of TLJ and double down on an arbitrarily chosen 20%.

TFA wanted to demonstrate that it was possible to make a passable Star Wars movie post-1983. Kinda safe and derivative, but passable.
TLJ wanted to demonstrate that it was possible to take the series in a new direction.
I'm not really sure what TRoS wanted other than to end the trilogy.

Squizzle
Apr 24, 2008


ďIíll have to get you to excuse me, my friend, I ainít no hat-rack.Ē

Fun Shoe

it wanted to make four billion american earth dollars

Shrecknet
Jan 2, 2005


Ringo Star Get
Sep 18, 2006

JUST FUCKING TAKE OFF ALREADY, SHIT


JJ Tried really hard to kill Chewbacca but even Disney was like, "hey man, stop it, you've already killed enough people" and then JJ yelled, "CHEWBACCA ISN"T A PERSON".

zoux
Apr 28, 2006



Never, ever acquiesce to fan demands, they do not know what they want

Flavius Aetass
Mar 30, 2011


TremorX posted:

A character recommends hyperspace ramming Exegol and they're all like "nah that was a ONE IN A MILLION THING" instead of leaning into it, JJ wishes he'd thought of it

literally everyone who has thought about star wars for five minutes has determined that there must be something in-universe about hyperspace travel that prevents this from being a thing

Kaysette
Jan 4, 2009





Why do people keep letting JJ do this. After what he did with the first two Star Trek movies how tf did this seem like a good idea.

Doublestep
Sep 8, 2013



Flavius Aetass posted:

literally everyone who has thought about star wars for five minutes has determined that there must be something in-universe about hyperspace travel that prevents this from being a thing

my favorite thing is everyone thinking kamikaze attacks are a new unique thing star wars invented in TLJ and the only reason we donít do it is because itís hard to do

the only reason we donít crash every single destroyer sized vessel we have into the first order is itís hard

Wild Horses
Oct 31, 2012

There's really no meaning in making beetles fight.


they could use space rocks. no need to have living quarters or shields or whatever. just accelerate a rock

muscles like this!
Jan 17, 2005



DemoneeHo posted:

OP, you forgot how TLJ made Rey a nobody who was the child of nobodies.

Then JJ was all gently caress that, Palpatine fucks now

The funniest part was Kylo being all "remember how I said they were nobodies? Well... they totally weren't but we're going to say they were even though it doesn't make any sense to word it that way and this is an extremely blatant retcon."

Don Dongington
Sep 27, 2005

#ideasboom

College Slice

TremorX posted:

Yeah, I like that.

My original thought after TFA was that Kylo Ren was going deep Dark-Side undercover to get close enough to Snoke/Palpatine/Whothefuckever that he could eliminate them -- that the thing he needed to 'finish' of Vader's was destroying the Sith by harnessing the Dark Side. The 'pull to the light' was what he needed to keep hidden for the plan to work, and killing Han was his attempt to get there. I figured he'd succeed but be unable to 'redeem' himself, so Rey would ultimately sacrifice herself to bring him back. I was close, I guess, but I thought having Kylo be essentially Leonardo DiCaprio's character from "The Departed" had way more potential.


Instead, he became Leonardo DiCaprio's character from Titanic.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

red bird

muscles like this! posted:

The funniest part was Kylo being all "remember how I said they were nobodies? Well... they totally weren't but we're going to say they were even though it doesn't make any sense to word it that way and this is an extremely blatant retcon."

"They sold you into slavery to... protect... you...? Are you buying any of this, or should I keep going?"

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Shbobdb
Dec 16, 2010

by Reene


Jose Oquendo posted:

Iím pretty sure he did that after his face turned into a prune, making the entire sex act even more frightening.

Real world Palps (Kissinger) lays serious pipe because of his proximity to power.

There is a reason why "Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac" is the maxim of deeply ugly men.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply
«28 »