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TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike








Oh man this was gonna be about Leia but Carrie Fisher died but gotta cram her in this anyway
I wanted Finn to be a Jedi but Rian messed it up so I guess I'll just tell you about it at the end instead of do anything about it
Boohoo TLJ made Snoke disposable so I'll make him literally disposable
A character recommends hyperspace ramming Exegol and they're all like "nah that was a ONE IN A MILLION THING" instead of leaning into it, JJ wishes he'd thought of it
JJ basically flushes any potential storytelling about Kylo Ren being the new Space Emperor before the opening crawl finishes


Also WTF is Abrams' obsession with putting spaceships underwater, like dude they're built to hold in 1 atmosphere of pressure, they're not goddamned submarines, stop it already

Somebody fucked around with this message at 04:19 on Mar 30, 2021

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TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



"UGH everyone said Starkiller base was just another Death Star, wait until they see a thousand tiny Death Stars that are just ships

yo stop hogging the bong man"

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Yeah, I like that.

My original thought after TFA was that Kylo Ren was going deep Dark-Side undercover to get close enough to Snoke/Palpatine/Whothefuckever that he could eliminate them -- that the thing he needed to 'finish' of Vader's was destroying the Sith by harnessing the Dark Side. The 'pull to the light' was what he needed to keep hidden for the plan to work, and killing Han was his attempt to get there. I figured he'd succeed but be unable to 'redeem' himself, so Rey would ultimately sacrifice herself to bring him back. I was close, I guess, but I thought having Kylo be essentially Leonardo DiCaprio's character from "The Departed" had way more potential.

TROS just feels like some really nerdy powergamers passing around the boing going "Dude you know what would be cool"

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



PeterWeller posted:

The implication for me was that she learned who her parents were when she was in the Dark Side butt looking in the mirror and saw two indistinct nobodies come together to form her reflection.

It was kind of a powerful moment -- it almost seemed to say that it didn't matter who her parents were, she was the one responsible for who she was.

TROS: "LOL nah"

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Chillgamesh posted:

Actually after thinking about it, you're right about tossing him in a cell. Other than Leia, who is in a coma, and Poe, I don't know if there were even any other high-ranking officers on the ship other than Holdo. She really probably should have thrown him in the brig and grabbed a few leaders and said "I did it because he's obviously lost his goddamn marbles and we all need to keep our heads on straight right now if we're going to make it out of this".

She didn't though, which is my whole argument, she wasn't an effective leader in the moment and poo poo got out of hand.

The moral of TLJ was learning from failure; every character makes a poor or compromised choice and pays for it.

Poe mutinies. Holdo brings a certain amount of this on herself. Rey leaves Luke too early and instead trusts Kylo Ren to do the right thing. Snoke overestimates Kylo’s loyalty. Kylo loses his temper and gets owned by a hologram. Luke is cynical and towards Rey, which is part of what pushed her to trust Kylo. Finn and Rose compromise and get a “replacement” hacker who sells them out - for a plan that was already essentially mutineering.

Poe learns from his bombing run mistake. Snoke gets killed for his arrogance. Luke learns from his mistake of turning his back on the galaxy. Rey realizes her mistake in trusting Ren and closes the door on him at the end. Yoda’s whole drat speech is about accepting and embracing failure and the importance of learning from it, to the extent of even teaching others about them. It’s a good and missing moral for a cynical, self-centered society that didn’t want to hear it.

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



TBF Palpatine fell down a pit, and if there's one thing that Star Wars has made abundantly loving clear is that falling down a pit is pretty drat safe. In fact, it's so safe they don't even bother with railings. Sure, people are afraid of falling down pits, but in the end nobody actually ever dies from it.

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Don Dongington posted:

Abrams, if anything, is undefeated when it comes to totally ruining the mechanics of scale and space travel in a given sci fi universe.

THIS. Also SPACE SHIPS ARE NOT SUBMARINES

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Lurdiak posted:

I seriously don't understand how people get so hung up on the viability of the plan in TLJ when we've had to accept the plan to break Han Solo out of Jabba's palace for 30 years. No one spent years angrily posting about how badly Luke planned that complete mess of an operation.

There's nothing to argue though, that entire movie is stupid.

That's right ROTJ is the worst of the entire saga, I said it, fight me

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



The Palpatine Plan:

1) Become Ruler of Galaxy
2) Rule Galaxy
3) Destroy Galaxy
4) Live forever amongst the ruins as a woman

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



CainFortea posted:

Bold claim when the entire PT exists.

They are of equal quality

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



StashAugustine posted:

i dont think the rebels could spare 256 agents though

Looks like you should be able to understand the binary language of moister vaporators. You wouldn't happen to speak Bocce, would you?

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Jedi: Fallen Order does a way, way better job of handling broken light sabers.

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Ghost Leviathan posted:

Someone was absolutely right when they said the sequels are like once telling someone you like blueberry pie, and then waking up tied to a chair and they force-feed you blueberry pie until you vomit.

This post, but spoken by Matthew McConaughey

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Squizzle posted:

does bb8 do a single thing in tlj, or is his absence another way in which rian johnson is sequel king

Fixes X-Wing in the 'leaky dam' bit
Is a slot machine
Fires coins at the police
pilots an ATST
Gets groped by Poe

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



The "light speed skipping" or whatever the gently caress they called it was a straight up lift of the jumping bit from Guardians of the Galaxy 2. I'm surprised they didn't have a Stan Lee cameo where he was talking to George Lucas about how their creations were totally out of control now

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



TLJ is the only time I've ever liked Luke as a character

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Nah it should have been Part 1 of "The Calrissian Chronicles"

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Edgar Allen Ho posted:

finn and lando's estranged daughter lead a cavalry charge

on top of a space ship on the lightning planet to take down a 5G tower

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



nine-gear crow posted:

Speaking of The Rise of Skywalker, IGN broke down how much it would cost you in order to procure all the supplementary, explanatory, and rectconning material subsequently put out by Disney to try and retroactively make the story make sense and they came out with $165.85 USD as a final figure.

:capitalism:

They really should've just let Dave Filoni write the whole trilogy.

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Infidelicious posted:

Thinking there is a traitor in the midst also makes Holdo and Poe's actions make more sense.

Things that would've made TLJ make more sense:

Poe is a traitor. Not willingly, but because he was mindfucked by Kylo Ren. I thought they were possibly foreshadowing this in TFA when he returns in an X-Wing that has an exactly reversed pallet, as if to say that he's somehow 'changed.' I kept expecting it to happen and it never even comes up.

Leia & Rey's beacon thing should've been the actual thing they were tracking. Hux tells Snoke "We have them tied on the end of a string" and never explains what that means. They lock in on that beacon and track it. Maybe even have Poe give them the trackers, idk.

Having Benicio Del Toro's character just kind of blithely fucks off after there being a hint that he has a grudge against the First Order. Would've been more interesting to see him double-cross the FO instead of him just disappearing into the ether.

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



Sir DonkeyPunch posted:

Do people actually give a poo poo about babu frik?

nah just Stephen Spielberg

TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



teagone posted:

Ignoring the PT exists, how would you rate OT Emperor as a villain, then? Where did he get all his stuff? I think part of the issue people have with Snoke is there's not another prequel trilogy for the sequels to explain how Snoke got all his poo poo/came into power. The expectation of characterization isn't fair when someone like Sheev had a whole other trilogy to build up his character that we see in the OT.

[edit] TFA should've been Episode 10, TLJ Episode 11, and TROS Episode 12. Then Disney could've leveraged the gap between Episode 6 and Episode 10 to showcase the downfall of Ben Solo, Luke's Order, and show how Snoke came into power in another "prequel" trilogy in like 2030 or something.

Exactly this; I felt like there was a whole missing trilogy between 6 and 7 from the start

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TremorX
Jan 19, 2001

All Hail Big Hairy Mike



The prequels give me some "Boss Baby" vibes

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