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Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?






Welcome to the new Year of the Rat edition of the China thread.



Previous thread: https://forums.somethingawful.com/s...hreadid=3864332

This thread is for shitposting about Bad China (the PRC, Vancouver), Good China (Taiwan, Hong Kong, assorted diaspora communities), Real China (Korea), and Safe China (Japan). You've probably read the previous threads so you know what's up. Good things are also welcome!



Chinese History

Chinese historiography is a subject of deep debate. What dynasties are considered legitimate, what things are considered China. The PRC has a timeline for Chinese history that is fantasy, but they have successfully convinced people it isn't. This timeline is roughly the traditional narrative since no one wants to read a 50,000 word post, though we are going to dismiss the legendary periods where emperors ruled for centuries and brought fire to Earth from heaven.

8,333 BC - Koreans invent China.
5,000 years before whatever moment you read this: China springs, fully formed, into existence at its modern borders and nothing ever changes after this point.
1250 BC - Oracle bones of Wu Ding, the earliest point in Chinese history. Prehistoric Chinese ancestral culture existed prior to this, but there are no surviving records (that have been found yet, anyway).
1046 BC - 256 BC - Zhou Dynasty, which encompasses the Spring and Autumn and the Warring States. This is the age of Chinese philosophy: Confucius, Mozi, Laozi, Mengzi, Han Fei, Shang Yang, Xun Zi. The roots of what we recognize as Chinese culture trace to this period, much as western cultures trace themselves to the Greeks.
221 BC - 206 BC - Qin Dynasty. The metal armies of Qin Shi Huangdi march across the lands and unify them into a single state for the first time. Qin-a. China. The Qin barely outlasts the death of the first emperor, but the imperial idea that unites China begins here.
202 BC - 220 AD - Han Dynasty. This is considered one of China's great ages and is pretty neat. The Three Kingdoms occur at the end of the Han.
220 - 280 - Three Kingdoms.
266 - 420 - Jin Dynasty. Wait, how is a dynasty at the same time as the Three Kingdoms? The timeline isn't perfect??
420 - 589 - Northern and Southern Dynasties.
581 - 618 - Sui Dynasty. These guys get owned so hard by the Koreans they collapse. RIP Sui.
618 - 907 - Tang Dynasty. This is generally considered China's greatest golden age, the period all successor dynasties will try to return to.
907 - 979 - Five Dynasties and Ten Kingdoms.
916 - 1125 - Liao Dynasty. Ruled by the Khitans, this is the first of three "conquest dynasties" where China/part of China is conquered and ruled by non-Chinese people. The Liao only rule the north, they never take all of China. Today people in China generally are of the opinion none of these conquests ever happened and the non-Chinese people are actually Chinese.
960 - 1279 - Song Dynasty.
1271 - 1368 - Yuan Dynasty. Mongol rule of China and everything else.
1368 - 1644 - Ming Dynasty. This is generally the earliest period where anything you picture as Chinese exists, such as the Great Wall in its current form.
1636 - 1912 - Qing Dynasty. The final conquest dynasty, rule of China by the Manchu. This is where all the other things you think of as Chinese are from, and a lot of those are actually Manchu, like qipaos.
1912 - Present - Republic of China. First on the mainland, now on Taiwan.
1912 - 1949 - Generalized chaos and warlords in the mainland.
1949 - Present - People's Republic of China, the current imperial dynasty.



We can conclude from this brief history that every coin has two sides, and China is a land of contrasts.



Thread In-Jokes

"Wealth beyond measure, outlander" - from an Elder Scrolls game in a town choked by pollution, but the inhabitants only think of how much money they can make
"No Why" - a translation of 沒有爲什麽, better known as "for no particular reason", used as a response to seemingly inexplicable events
"5000 years of history" - frequently used to explain why China does things while being superior to other short-lived nation states
"You cannot understand" - the idea that only Chinese can understand China due to its inscrutable nature
"But America did X" - referring to whataboutism that is often used to defend something negative about China, e.g. "They may be putting Uyghurs into concentration camps in Xinjiang, but did you know America did the same thing to its native people? Typical Westerners, excusing American behaviour."
Peanut brittle - you probably don't want to know



Wait are you idiots just complaining a bunch?

Well, yeah, it's GBS. However this is the only China thread that isn't infested with tankies, thus it is the Taiwan to the PRC of the other threads.



What are China tankies?



Can you show me anything about life in China?

Sure!





































Who is the dude with the beers?

China's ambassador, Pangzai. You should go watch his videos.

Go forth and post, friends!

Grand Fromage fucked around with this message at 04:25 on Jan 28, 2020

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Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe

placeholder

hakimashou
Jul 15, 2002

"Success consists of going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm."

John Stamos

Upset Trowel

very good OP that gonxifacai gong hei fat choi thing is my fav china picture ever

E: I welcome everyone reading our china thread to be happy every day

E2: here is a picture I took on a minibus in hong kong

hakimashou fucked around with this message at 05:04 on Jan 28, 2020

Fojar38
Sep 1, 2011


Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia


also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->


CIGNX
May 7, 2006

You can trust me


Please respect over 5 years of poo poo-posting culture.

China.jpg: Oct 2014 - Jan 2015
china.jpg: Jan 2015 - Jan 2016
China.jpg/.txt/.avi: Jan 2016 - April 2016
Chinese Farmer Discussion Thread: April 2016 - Sept 2016
Taiwan Number 1: Sept 2016 - Oct 2018
The China Thread: Pan-fried Goose Contagion: July 2018 - ???

Fojar38
Sep 1, 2011


Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia


also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->


Free Hong Kong
Free Tibet
Taiwan is an independent country
The Chinese government is committing genocide in Xinjiang

Pham Nuwen
Oct 30, 2010



Fojar38 posted:

Free Hong Kong
Free Tibet
Taiwan is an independent country
The Chinese government is committing genocide in Xinjiang

Dandywalken
Feb 11, 2014

I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation. I actually named my daughter after the Pink ranger and will provide proof if challenged.


I loving love China

Burt Sexual
Jan 26, 2006

I'm the SIX to your NEIN


Switchblade Switcharoo

Bookmark

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe

Fojar38 posted:

Free Hong Kong
Free Tibet
Taiwan is an independent country
The Chinese government is committing genocide in Xinjiang

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?




Dandywalken posted:

I loving love China

If we're talking food, I agree.



I don't care how much cancer I got eating in China, it was worth it.

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



love when foods are in a pool of red oil.

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

~*Suck My Balls*~

Fun Shoe

Hell Yeah posted:

love when foods are in a pool of red oil.

Nooner
Mar 26, 2007

I am Nooner


The outdoor toilet facing mountain side loving owns

Despera
Jun 6, 2011

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN


r/sino is a treasure

Hell Yeah
Dec 25, 2012



smoothbrain: seeing the chinese red oil on the table at chinese restaurants and never eating it because you're afraid.
regular brain: eating the red oil at chinese restaurants
galaxy brain: making your own chinese hot oil and eating it all the time
universe brain: eating every meal directly from a chinese volcano.

BrainDance
May 8, 2007

Disco all night long!


this is a good time for a new thread



This expensive cabbage just got a supermarket fined half a million yuan.



I had to wait in line for like 2 hours to get some potatoes the other day but they were normal price.

Patrocclesiastes
Apr 30, 2009


Getting in on the ground floor of The corona virus hospital, even though i havent worked for the chinese for a year now.

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?




Nooner posted:

The outdoor toilet facing mountain side loving owns

That's where I post.

Supreme Allah
Oct 6, 2004

working from home


Nap Ghost

With that traffic jam/accident they may as well just start over with a new city

lilbeefer
Oct 4, 2004



Grand Fromage posted:

If we're talking food, I agree.



I don't care how much cancer I got eating in China, it was worth it.

I cannot find any good Sichuan food in Perth

Justin Godscock
Oct 12, 2004

Listen here, funnyman!

Soiled Meat

Fojar38 posted:

Free Hong Kong
Free Tibet
Taiwan is an independent country
The Chinese government is committing genocide in Xinjiang

Forgot some

1989 Tienanmen Square Massacre
Falun Gong persecution
Organ harvesting of prisoners
Chinese President looks like Winnie the Pooh

Justin Godscock fucked around with this message at 05:17 on Jan 28, 2020

Fojar38
Sep 1, 2011


Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia


also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->


Justin Godscock posted:

Forgot some

1989 Tienanmen Square Massacre
Falun Gong persecution
Organ harvesting of prisoners
Chinese President looks like Winnie the Pooh

Wendigee
Jul 19, 2004


China is funny to me. They tried to cover up a disease that they designed in their bio warfare lab that got leaked. Thankfully it's not very deadly like Ebola or something. Problem is you can pass it without feeling sick for like a week. So we're all going to get it but only old people and new borns will die.

Anemone Thief
Dec 27, 2007

log
on


lilbeefer posted:

I cannot find any good Sichuan food in Perth

Come to melbourne then there's shitloads and it owns

WarpedNaba
Feb 8, 2012

Being social makes me swell!

No Nongs?

Why?

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?




lilbeefer posted:

I cannot find any good Sichuan food in Perth

That sucks. Gotta get cooking, it's not too hard.

The junk collector
Aug 10, 2005
Hey do you want that motherboard?

That loving pig.

b mad at me
Jan 25, 2017
it's your choice

Isn't China to blame for most of the world's pollution?

BrainDance
May 8, 2007

Disco all night long!


No no no China is leading the world in green tech


nevermind all those banned gasses leaking into the atmosphere from China pay no attention.

WarpedNaba
Feb 8, 2012

Being social makes me swell!

And solar energy. Remember all those fields of panels?

The ones not hooked up to the grid for some reason?

The Great Autismo!
Mar 3, 2007

Go daddy go!

posting on ground zero of the new thread

Delta-Wye
Sep 29, 2005

Represent!

The Great Autismo! posted:

posting on ground zero of the new thread

China ground zero number one!

Private Cumshoe
Feb 15, 2019

This flaming skeleton is brought to you by the Buy Lowtax A New Spine Foundation.


So what's with all the fentanyl?

lilbeefer
Oct 4, 2004



Anemone Thief posted:

Come to melbourne then there's shitloads and it owns

I know! I've just moved back from Melbourne. Awesome places out Clayton way....

Grand Fromage posted:

That sucks. Gotta get cooking, it's not too hard.


I've tried! My least worst effort was Lasiji which is a favourite of mine. But it's just not the same... Maybe the lack of gutter oil

lilbeefer fucked around with this message at 05:56 on Jan 28, 2020

BrigadierSensible
Feb 16, 2012

Don't get my name wrong,
If you want to touch me there.

Hello new China thread.

I did 2 1/2 years in the glorious PRC. And as such will whinge about it occasionally in this thread.

More importantly, in my time in China I have eaten at Hooters in 3 different mainland Chinese cities, (also in Taipei and Hong Kong) So feel free to ask me about that.

PyPy
Sep 13, 2004









Ground floor

Private Cumshoe
Feb 15, 2019

This flaming skeleton is brought to you by the Buy Lowtax A New Spine Foundation.


BrigadierSensible posted:

Hello new China thread.

I did 2 1/2 years in the glorious PRC. And as such will whinge about it occasionally in this thread.

More importantly, in my time in China I have eaten at Hooters in 3 different mainland Chinese cities, (also in Taipei and Hong Kong) So feel free to ask me about that.

What was on the menu?

Darkest Auer
Dec 30, 2006

They're silly


Ramrod XTreme

May this thread last for 5000 pages

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OhsH
Jan 12, 2008

SHUT THE FUCK UP ZAPHOD


Dandywalken posted:

I loving love China

Why dont you marry it

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