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Porfiriato
Jan 4, 2016



Toilet Rascal

BrainDance posted:

this is a good time for a new thread



This expensive cabbage just got a supermarket fined half a million yuan.



I had to wait in line for like 2 hours to get some potatoes the other day but they were normal price.

Lol, of course the profiteering cabbage incident was in Zhengzhou. Of course.

(For those not as familiar with China, Henan province has a reputation among Chinese as being full of grifters, thieves, and scammers, and Zhengzhou is not only the capital but a shithole in its own right. Sort of like maybe....Newark? But in this hypothetical Americans would also honestly believe New Jerseyites are all a bunch of low level mobsters.)

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McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005






The junk collector posted:

That loving pig.

Lowtax with Chinese characteristics?

Also please put "The unnamed X can only Y" in the OP in-jokes listing.

Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012



Known Lecher posted:

Henan province

Any province whose transliterated name starts with an ‘H’ is bad news.

lilbeefer
Oct 4, 2004



What is the peanut brittle thing

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010

Don't look at me-
I'm ugly in the morning
When the headaches gone
The sun is not.
Forgot to turn the alarm
On - on


Pillbug

lilbeefer posted:

What is the peanut brittle thing

Before anyone answers that, I want you to ask yourself if you ever want to eat peanut brittle ever again.

Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012



Don’t read this if you have a weak constitution.

Haier posted:

Peanut Girl

This happened a bit ago and I didn't want to post it because I wanted to wash my brain of it, but I can't seem to do that and I think maybe posting about it will help.

I matched with a cute faced girl on Tantan and we got the Wechats and started talking more. Her English was great and she seemed very pleasant and had none of the weird questions or marriage fever that most of the girls had. She kept wanting to meet outside and have a walk, but I was often busy at those times, or she's busy, and can't make it happen.
She lived in a different part of the city and I kept messaging her whenever I was walking by that area and asking if she wanted to hang out. One night she finally says yes, but she's tired from work and doesn't want to have a walk with me and asks if I can just meet her at her house. I had no intention for a plunge, and I was already sweaty and gross, so I accept.
The thing about her is that I had seen her face a lot in photos and we did video chat a few times. She had a very cute face and looks good, but I had never seen her body, and her Wechat album didn't have anything except selfies. Normally, in the US, etc., that would be a red flag for a big mama, but this is China and big mamas are not standard (yet). Maybe she's shy, who knows.

I go to her building at about 9PM after walking much of the day, and she's standing outside waiting for me. She's wearing flip flops and what looks like a muumuu, and it's covered in food stains. She looks pregnant. Like, she's not so fat, but whatever fat she might have is all centered in her stomach. LMAO, now I understand. Her face is slim and that way she looks normal, but she has a cirrhosis-style belly and chubby legs. Oh well, I'll just talk to her and leave, since we talk pretty well together.

Anyway, we talked for a long time and then she suddenly kissed me. We kiss more, start making out. She's not bad at it, but this tummy is really throwing me off. I'm trying to grope her and this belly is getting in the way when we move. My fingers go in and they're working. Her vagina is kind of rigid. It's hard to explain, but it's no so soft as others. I was trying to work the G-spot and the top of her vagina feels like peanut brittle. It's weirding me out, and luckily her face tells me it's too much for her, so I slow down. She asks me to stop, and as I am taking my fingers out, some of that peanut brittle came with it. It really did feel like a peanut. I was holding peanut-sized lump of something in my fingers. All of the lights were off, but I was feeling this peanut in my hands and I seriously felt ill. I tossed whatever it was on the ground and then told her I was tired from walking. As if I couldn't be more disgusted, I rested my hand on her tummy and she laughed and said "Do you like it? It's all poo poo."

I told her I had to go because I didn't want to miss the last train. I washed my hands for a few minutes and left. All I could think while walking to the Metro was what the hell was that peanut. I kept shuddering. I was able to get to on one train, but the by the time I arrived at the interchange the other train was finished, so I took a different one and then had to walk back for a while, smoking of those lovely fake cigars to get my mind off things. I told her I missed the last train and had to walk and tried to make it seem like it was a big hassle to go over there at night. Normally it's no big deal, but in Face country, whining gets you a free pass to get out of things. She kept messaging me and I told her I was too busy and I can't see her again because she lives too far away. She accepted.

EDIT: God drat it. I didn't want to snipe with this post.

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?




lilbeefer posted:

I've tried! My least worst effort was Lasiji which is a favourite of mine. But it's just not the same... Maybe the lack of gutter oil

Honestly one of the things I noticed when I started cooking real Chinese was using massive amounts of oil is important to the flavor. I tried to cut it down so I wasn't ending up with a bunch of wasted oil, but it just doesn't taste right. It's like cutting the sugar out of Japanese food. You gotta go for it.

The Food of Sichuan by Fuchsia Dunlop is a great Sichuan cookbook to pick up. I wasn't a huge fan of the old version but the recipes in this one are way more like what I ate in Chengdu when I lived there. It's good.

McSpanky
Jan 16, 2005






Platystemon posted:

Don’t read this if you have a weak constitution.

My overton window on this just shifted right off the page

barbecue at the folks
Jul 20, 2007



Please spoiler tag the peanut brittle story, my stomach turned a bit just from moving my eyes over it as fast as I could

Grand Fromage
Jan 30, 2006

L-l-look at you bar-bartender, a-a pa-pathetic creature of meat and bone, un-underestimating my l-l-liver's ability to metab-meTABolize t-toxins. How can you p-poison a perfect, immortal alcohOLIC?




spacestronaut posted:

So as an American trans woman, just how quickly would I vanish if I were to set foot on the mainland. (Aside from shenzhen, I've heard Americans can get away with a lot more there.)

No one cares. You're fine.

The government is explicitly anti LGBT but that's only for Chinese people, and even then they're not actively going after anyone. My experience with actual Chinese people (at least in the 30s and under range) is they're very tolerant, like just about everywhere I've been and explored the issue. My high school students were disappointed I was not gay because they wanted a gay friend like on their favorite show, Modern Family.

Granted, I was living in Chengdu. Chengdu is the San Francisco of China, there's a whole neighborhood of out in the open gay bars and clubs and stuff.

fish and chips and dip posted:

I haven't been in China for two years, and its funny how the mind works. I kinda forgotten all the bad, annoying things, and I do sometimes miss living there.

My life right now sucks so bad this is happening to me, too. I keep reminding myself I can live in a nice country like Korea and just visit China to get fat.

Outrail
Jan 4, 2009

www.sapphicrobotica.com


Does the plungerman still post?

Blistex
Oct 30, 2003

Macho Business
Donkey Wrestler


Grimey Drawer


More world leaders need to follow her example. The best response to China's hurt feelings has to be...

quote:

"There was no further need to explain Denmark’s position to China, she also said."
“I don't think anyone is uncertain about how Denmark works in terms of free speech,” the PM said.

That's all you need really. "We have free speech, you know exactly how this works, stop expecting us to change for you". Then again, China has been getting used to western corporations bending over, and pulling their asses agape whenever asked to by the CCP.

Platystemon
Feb 13, 2012



barbecue at the folks posted:

Please spoiler tag the peanut brittle story, my stomach turned a bit just from moving my eyes over it as fast as I could

“The food of the true revolutionary is the peanut brittle,” declared Mao. “And he who cannot endure peanut brittle is also unable to fight.’ ”

half cocaine
Jul 21, 2019


what the gently caress

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010

Don't look at me-
I'm ugly in the morning
When the headaches gone
The sun is not.
Forgot to turn the alarm
On - on


Pillbug

“Oh”, I thought, “the peanut brittle story can’t possibly be as bad as I remember!”

Wrong wrong wrong, oh god. I totally forgot about the turdbaby, that made it even worse.

LimburgLimbo
Feb 10, 2008

One day I will be happy
every day


There’s a reason Haier was also seen as a weirdo here.

Dude said he was frequently told he looked like Keanu Reeves and was also in China where there’s a metric shitton of women and he still ended up in situations like that constantly.

Weirds gonna weird

lilbeefer
Oct 4, 2004



Platystemon posted:

"It's all poo poo"

I followed the thread a lot and am well aware of the Haier stories, and early Rene Cheng (sp) stuff but it got too hard to follow. I'm disappointed I had to read the peanut brittle story for the first time. Disappointed and in awe.

FWIW the push to restart megathreads is a great idea

CRIP EATIN BREAD
Jun 24, 2002

Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T





Soiled Meat


?utm_source=fark
ICID=ref_fark

sweet thursday
Sep 16, 2012

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN


font color sea posted:

traditional chinese medicine



He is invoking the Law of Surprise

Mozi
Apr 4, 2004

one step done and another begun


Nap Ghost

CRIP EATIN BREAD posted:

?utm_source=fark
ICID=ref_fark



this is a real snafu (situation normal all farked up)

Cugel the Clever
Apr 5, 2009

A lucky bird.


lilbeefer posted:

FWIW the push to restart megathreads is a great idea
Not empty quoting.

I have a friend who tried to get into SA, but was apparently too broke-brained too understand that you don't need to read all 600 pages of a megathread and can just jump to the end, so he gave up. Yes, he's a habitual Reddit user.

Uhh... Thread-related content:
TAIWAN #1

StevoMcQueen
Dec 29, 2007


Wooo new thread.

China content: last time I was in Korea visiting the in laws, I picked up some 'Kakao friends' surgical masks as a novelty gift for friends back in the UK.

Never got round to giving them to people, but have just donated them to my Taiwanese friend. Turns out her sister had come over to visit before the corona virus outbreak, and now has to fly back via Hong Kong, but can't get masks anywhere.

Just hope it settles down (or has at least reached world ending pandemic) before I have to fly out to Seoul for BIL's wedding.

GoutPatrol
Oct 17, 2009

Coal Jobs for the Coal God


Nap Ghost

Title should say Goonmeat btw

sticksy
May 26, 2004
keeping austin weird





Nap Ghost

"Wet Market."

Looks like the newest Coronavirus sufferer in the US is in Maricopa County, AZ, where I also happen to reside. Been nice posting with you all.

I will be dead and unable to see its glory but hopefully China will finally become #1 by 2025 as planned.

Ugly In The Morning
Jul 1, 2010

Don't look at me-
I'm ugly in the morning
When the headaches gone
The sun is not.
Forgot to turn the alarm
On - on


Pillbug

sticksy posted:

"Wet Market."

Looks like the newest Coronavirus sufferer in the US is in Maricopa County, AZ, where I also happen to reside. Been nice posting with you all.

I will be dead and unable to see its glory but hopefully China will finally become #1 by 2025 as planned.

Maybe they’ll end up infecting Sheriff Joe.

Poldarn
Feb 18, 2011



Hey where does "the unnamed country can only salivate" come from?

Power Khan
Aug 20, 2011

I'll shoot the moon.

Poldarn posted:

Hey where does "the unnamed country can only salivate" come from?

The great lecher, Rene Chang

Play
Apr 25, 2006

So I roll with a rolling thunder
And I howl with the howling wind
And I drift downstream for as long as it takes
To get up and around the bend


thats a bangin commode right there

GoutPatrol posted:

Title should say Goonmeat btw

was thinking the same thing, I actually thought it did say that for a second

Ornamental Dingbat
Feb 26, 2007



Shopping N99 masks on Amazon:

Ornamental Dingbat fucked around with this message at 21:14 on Jan 28, 2020

Play
Apr 25, 2006

So I roll with a rolling thunder
And I howl with the howling wind
And I drift downstream for as long as it takes
To get up and around the bend

i don't need a p99 mask, but I DO like pretty girls so..... link?

Fojar38
Sep 1, 2011


Sorry I meant to say I hope that the police use maximum force and kill or maim a bunch of innocent people, thus paving a way for a proletarian uprising and socialist utopia


also here's a stupid take
---------------------------->


lilbeefer posted:

I followed the thread a lot and am well aware of the Haier stories, and early Rene Cheng (sp) stuff but it got too hard to follow. I'm disappointed I had to read the peanut brittle story for the first time. Disappointed and in awe.

FWIW the push to restart megathreads is a great idea

Rene Chang was just doing the pro-China news article comments superstar thing before it was cool

He was a pioneer if you will

sharknado slashfic
Jun 24, 2011

The kind of accuracy
the Ravens are used to


Power Khan posted:

The great lecher, Rene Chang

I miss Rene Chang

Vincent Van Goatse
Nov 8, 2006

Don't be so gloomy. After all it's not that awful. Like the fella says, in Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, and bloodshed, but they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance.




Smellrose

Ugly In The Morning posted:

Maybe they’ll end up infecting Sheriff Joe.

China... good?

barbecue at the folks
Jul 20, 2007



A cartoon in which Rene Chang is at the pearly gates and Saint Peter says "Welcome to paradise full of post-90s cuties, good lecher, the unnamed eternal damnation can only salivate."

Sten Freak
Sep 10, 2008

Despite all of these shortcomings, the Sten still has a long track record of shooting people right in the face.


College Slice

Dolla bills ya'll

quote:

Minnesota officers from Customs and Border Protection said they discovered 900,000 fake $1 bills in a commercial rail shipment that originated from China.

https://www.washingtonexaminer.com/...pping-container

Neophyte
Apr 23, 2006

perennially

Taco Defender

Then they bleach them and make real $100 bills! ...wait, no. Uh...

Tormented
Jan 22, 2004

"And the goat shall bear upon itself all their iniquities unto a solitary place..."

sticksy posted:

"Wet Market."

Looks like the newest Coronavirus sufferer in the US is in Maricopa County, AZ, where I also happen to reside. Been nice posting with you all.

I will be dead and unable to see its glory but hopefully China will finally become #1 by 2025 as planned.

Hey not all "Wet Markets" are bad. I had some of the best food from some.

These wet markets were not in China!

Play
Apr 25, 2006

So I roll with a rolling thunder
And I howl with the howling wind
And I drift downstream for as long as it takes
To get up and around the bend

Tormented posted:

Hey not all "Wet Markets" are bad. I had some of the best food from some.

These wet markets were not in China!

I lived in Asia for ages and always thought a wet market referred to a market on a river

Kharnifex
Sep 11, 2001

Plop

We come in piss, Outlander

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William Henry Hairytaint
Oct 29, 2011



Why the hell would you counterfeit 1 dollar bills?

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