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My adopted child, the love of my life. Do not worry. You deserve everything, plus all the love. And if you try hard enough in life... you'll earn that 3rd page.
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Feb 3, 2020 05:15
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Yeah, don’t worry, it’s ok I made the same mistake too, I’ll definitely drive you to the shelter and make sure you’re safe
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Feb 3, 2020 05:30
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*eats dinner in silence but it isn't awkward* *everyone passes food around without having to be asked*
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Feb 3, 2020 17:50
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I'm gonna try out for the football team. Dad, you were quarterback in highschool, right? Wanna play catch?
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Feb 3, 2020 18:14
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sweet thursday posted:My adopted child, the love of my life. Do not worry. You deserve everything, plus all the love. Cool mom, hey it’s not the 70s anymore, I’m gonna go bang out a gorge where nobody is true to anybody and see how it works out. 
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Feb 3, 2020 18:19
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Hello, Children, it's another glorious day, isn't it? We tick one day closer to the inevitable return of GLORFLAX, Lord of Shadows and Whispers. All hail GLORFLAX! Mother, please prepare my ceremonial blade so that I may begin the Ritual of Unbinding. Hey, do you guys want to go to Pizza Hut tonight?
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Feb 3, 2020 18:26
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And this is our Lard Room
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Feb 3, 2020 18:40
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A Fancy Hat posted:Hello, Children, it's another glorious day, isn't it? Hey, Manspawn of GLORFLAX, Lord of Shadows and WHispers. Can I have my 30 minutes of Xbox now? I want to try my new BASSMASTERS game.
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Feb 3, 2020 20:22
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Let's perform our blasphemous sacrifice to GLORFAX as a family.
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Feb 3, 2020 20:25
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<posts everything from the Loveless Marriage thread> <myself, my partner, or both of us are oblivious to, or ignoring the signs>
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Feb 3, 2020 20:29
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*refers to wife as Mother, sleeps in separate beds*
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Feb 3, 2020 20:31
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Colonel Cancer posted:*refers to wife as Mother, sleeps in separate beds* Ah, Mr Vice President sir.
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Feb 3, 2020 21:10
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Only sells first child to demon in return for getting them out of jail
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Feb 3, 2020 21:16
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oh don't mind the skeleton, that's just dear papah's, tee hee, special friend
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Feb 4, 2020 10:49
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Killed daughters stalker and hid the evidence as a family
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Feb 4, 2020 11:33
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what's that son? chemistry homework? let's see... hmm... you know what buddy? no one is born with knowledge, and even those who achieved great wisdom started as drooling babies with soiled diapers. let's consult the internet and see if we can find an answer together how about that? 
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Feb 4, 2020 11:56
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If you are tired, or you have a tummy ache, then it's OK to sit for a while, or lie down if you want to do that
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Feb 4, 2020 12:52
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Have fun in the yard, kids! And remember, beyond that fence lies the Fallen Earth, a world full of demons and radioactivity. If you so much as pass a finger over that fence, a monster will lock onto your scent and hunt you down forever. If you're lucky, he'll kill you quickly. But as we all know, people aren't generally very lucky, now are they? Now I understand you're 35 years old now, but I still dress you in your little sailor suits every day, so you WILL obey your Father. And perhaps, if you're good today, we'll let you out of the basement tonight to watch a movie about bees, which I know you both enjoy ever so much. Now while you kids play, Mother and I are going to enjoy a little "alone time". Remember, if you cross the fence a monster will feast on your entrails, and only my love for you keeps this house and the surrounding yard safe from the radiation caused by the evil world around us!
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Feb 4, 2020 13:35
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Need anything from the store?
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Feb 4, 2020 15:36
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I am a well-adjusted family.
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Feb 4, 2020 15:45
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Laslow posted:Need anything from the store? You need more ky jelly already? Well, okay, but we only can budget $200 a week for it, okay?
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Feb 4, 2020 16:27
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If your tummy hurts, maybe you should put on the gurglespurts pants
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Feb 4, 2020 16:40
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There are 3 buttplugs on a shelf, one too big, one too small, and one just right.
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Feb 4, 2020 17:45
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Colonel Cancer posted:There are 3 buttplugs on a shelf, one too big, one too small, and one just right. Scratch that. Now there are two that are too small and one that's just right
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Feb 4, 2020 17:58
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ikanreed posted:Scratch that. Now there are two that are too small and one that's just right Scratch that, One that's just right, and the small one. . . the other one . . . "we need to go to the ER honey!"
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Feb 4, 2020 18:07
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I found your dope, and guess what you're grounded!
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Feb 4, 2020 19:02
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....In fact, we are seriously considering not paying for your semester abroad now. How can we trust you?
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Feb 4, 2020 19:03
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T Bowl posted:I found your dope, and guess what you're grounded! Also I called the police
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Feb 4, 2020 19:08
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T Bowl posted:....In fact, we are seriously considering not paying for your semester abroad now. How can we trust you? We are very disappointed in you.
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Feb 4, 2020 19:12
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Now yeah I may have smoked pot in high school too, but that was a different time.
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Feb 4, 2020 19:15
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I've heard the stuff kids your age get now is up to 50x more potent!
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Feb 4, 2020 19:16
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Reefer Madness!
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Feb 4, 2020 20:36
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Dad, is this second divorce going to be the last one? It's ok if it's not, just try to take care of your back and try not to invite another diaper fetishist to live with us.
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Feb 4, 2020 21:31
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I enjoy my time with my family but am also grateful that we understand and respect our boundaries. When I see my peers bitterly accuse anyone with a healthy family relationship of either faking it to cover for a deeper dysfunction or being the result of a lack of intelligence and sophistication it makes my heart ache to know that whatever soul sickness ruined their own family has taken deep root in themselves and will haunt them and everyone in their lives for the rest of their days.
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Feb 4, 2020 23:02
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Want to see pictures of my lovely wife and kids? The kids are actually our two cats.
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Feb 4, 2020 23:08
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Tin Can Hit Man posted:Want to see pictures of my lovely wife and kids? And yes, we do refer to them constantly as our furbabies.
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Feb 4, 2020 23:49
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Cat people aren't well adjusted or normal 
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Feb 5, 2020 00:27
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The dog hasn't been taken for a walk in weeks
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Feb 5, 2020 00:44
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Please don't ruin your cousin's graduation party by mentioning Bernie Sanders again...
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Feb 5, 2020 02:42
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