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Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug
In ancient times the ancient Mayan prophets prophesied that on the date December 21 AD 2012, as the Mesoamerican long count calender concluded its twelfth baktun, the world as we know it would come to an end.

That date came and went, and people rejoiced all over the world, thinking nothing had happened after all.

They were wrong.

quote:

On December 21, 2012, Disney completed the acquisition and Lucasfilm became a wholly owned subsidiary of Disney.

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reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008
Thread stickied for twenty four hours while I carve the next x wing into this ancient stone calendar

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug
thank you


They tried to warn us but we did not listen. We must all contemplate this. On the tree of woe.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


BUT WHAT COULD IT MEAN

dudeness
Mar 5, 2010

:minnie: Cat Army :minnie:
Fallen Rib
Scientists have reconstructed the heads of every known sacrifice the Mayans beheaded.

*every face looks exactly like JJ Abrams*

My god.....

Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug

reignofevil posted:



BUT WHAT COULD IT MEAN

There are at least four dicks on there. Dicks were formerly believed to represent phalluses, but we now know they most likely represent lightsabers.

Isometric Bacon
Jul 24, 2004

Let's get naked!
In 2019 AD, distraught by the poor performance of Star Wars Rise Of The Skywalker, Star Wars films are put on hold for a few years to recover fan interest. Strong performance of Avengers:EndGame leads Disney executives to double down on the Marvel Franchise.

2022: Following the waning box office sales for Marvel's 'Dr Strange Meets Spiderman' and Avengers:Nextgame, the unexpected success of the Kermit the frogs cameo in the latter film gives Disney executives the idea to further unite their different properties, just like they did a decade earlier when bringing the marvel characters into a shared cinematic universe.

2024: The unbridled success of 'Harry Potter and the Muppet Mansion', which was made possible from the recent acquiral of Warner Brothers Studios, emboldened Disney, purchasing Univeral shortly afterwards. After a record 4 months of production, our favourite Star Wars characters return in 'Jurassic Park: The Empire's Secret Zoo'

2026: The first in a new set of Star Wars Trilogy films are revealed, starting with episodes 3.1 through 3.3. With all the original trilogy now having passed away, and the prequel and sequel characters uninterested in returning to their roles, Disney successfully lobbies actors guilds and common law to prove that they own the likeness rights for each actor. These completely digital actors are shown as even younger than they appeared in the original films, acting alongside nostalgic inducing traditionally puppetered creatures.

2029: George Lucas passes away, much to the relief of Disney, sick of the various online messages about how much better his version of Episode 3.2 featuring Tom and Jerry would have been. A unpublished clause in the Lucasfilm acquisition allows Disney to announce that George's remains are property of Lucasfilm, and thus they are able to digitally recreate him through artificial intelligence systems. Robo-George releases Episode 3.3, and fans are received to be back to 'traditional' star wars, with only some minor cameos from Fortnite 3 characters.

2030: Disney finally purchases Time Warner - now owning all media properties in the world.

2033: Disney, realising that owning 100% of the entertainment market share makes it difficult to own any more. They diversify into the mining raw earth minerals business.

2036: In a further attempt to diversify, Disney purchases major Defence contractors Halliburton and Raytheon.

2040: The Democratic Party wins the election for the first time in over 20 years. Seeing Disney as a potential threat, anti-conglomerate laws are proposed to split Disney into separate entities.

2041: An emergency election sees Disney win the presidency in a landslide. A Digital Obi-Wan Kenobi gracefully says the presidential vows on national Virtual Reality newsfeeds.

2045: With the entire countries production and resources diverted to the greater good, America and her 65 states is collectively renamed 'Disney'. An aggressive campaign is started to increase the former American borders.

2051: With resources running low amongst the Disney America's, Disney Africa and Disney Europe territories, sites are set on the Chinese and Russia alliance, which have largely remained independent due to low box office scores. Disney Australia disappears and no one understands why, or whether it ever existed in the first place.

2061: Children are told tales of the brave general Kenobi and Skywalkers, who led successful attacks against the evil Chinese Russian Empire. Major losses in population push the necessity to institute a forced children program to increase fledging populations to replace those lost in war or from the effects from hazardous chemicals in consumer products and toys.

2070: Almost all human Life as we know it, ceases to exist. The exact cause is unknown, but theories suggest that the Robo George Lucas program, created 40 years earlier to create Star Wars related entertainment, achieved sentience, and when given the task to create the next in a series of trilogies explicitly aimed to teach children to use weapons, instead executed the Disney Order 66 mutually assured destruction policy.

pnutz
Jan 5, 2015

reignofevil posted:



BUT WHAT COULD IT MEAN

Imagine 4 balls perched on the edge of a stone tablet

ruddiger
Jun 3, 2004











Mooey Cow
Jan 27, 2018

by Jeffrey of YOSPOS
Pillbug
Indisputable proof! My theories vindicated at last after all these years.

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Pennywise the Frown
May 10, 2010

Upset Trowel

Holy poo poo.

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