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WHY BONER NOW
Mar 6, 2016

Pillbug
I've never ordered a secret menu item at a fast food restaurant, it seems kind of silly

does it really work? Can you actually go to burger king, ask for a suicide burger, and you and the cashier wink at each other?

are there any secret items that are any good

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Resting Lich Face
Feb 21, 2019


This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.
If you pull "secret menu" poo poo you're a loving rear end in a top hat and deserve the spit you're eating.

Chevy Slyme
May 2, 2004

We're Gonna Run.

We're Gonna Crawl.

Kick Down Every Wall.
The only legit secret menu item worth doing that isnít just being an rear end in a top hat is a three pointer at Chipotle.

Iím still mad that I canít just order one using their app though.

Q_res
Oct 29, 2005

Domo Arigato, Mr Roboto.
I usually hate doing any kind of special orders (let alone "secret menu" bullshit) because I feel like I'm being a huge pain-in-the-rear end to people who are criminally overworked and underpaid. The Taco Bell app alleviated that though, it's really easy to just do custom orders without feeling like a huge inconvenience and making some poor register worker have to figure out how to ring up your bullshit.

The Breakfast Sampler
Jan 1, 2006


No, I won't order anything that isn't on the menu. It's too much trouble for everyone, no one working there needs the hassle and most places are so automatic it'll probably be wrong anyway.

Tite Barnacle
Jun 4, 2014

Meowdy Purrdner

Grimey Drawer
As someone who worked in fast food a long time ago I can't in good conscience recommend singling your order out or breaking an employee's balls. The job sucks enough already without people loving with you; and yet customers do it constantly. I personally never messed with anyone's food cause I think it's hosed up but I definitely saw it done.

ANUSTART
Jun 26, 2013


ur jiri3-pax(PAD)-ra2 al-tukur2?-re
gu-du-ni an-na-ab-be2
a-ra-/ab-gig-ga\-[(X)]-e-ce


- Wisdom of the ages.
My friend from Wisconsin moved back to The South and was surprised the Wendy's here didnt have Cheesy Cheddarburgers. If we went to a Wendys with an old person at the register, they knew how to ring it up. No one else did. Friend would explain. So l stopped asking for it. Too cheesy anyway. Did you read this to the end? thanks

Althalin
Nov 19, 2019

Putting the ham in Chamon
Pork Pro
Seems to me that a lot of the "secret menus" that float around are the result of some dopes on reddit wanting to feel like they're part of an in-crowd and trying to get underpaid and overworked fast-food workers to do extra poo poo for them to maintain their sense of smug superiority

projecthalaxy
Dec 27, 2008

Yes hello it is I Kurt's Secret Son


There's a difference to me, because I'm a decorum brained weirdo probably, between, say, knowing that you can request barbecue sauce on your cheeseburger or what have you, vs yelling at some clerk that they dont know what a Smokey Keith is or whatever. The former is acceptable, the latter is villainous

Fartington Butts
Jan 21, 2007


projecthalaxy posted:

Smokey Keith

This got a LMAO outta me.

Chevy Slyme
May 2, 2004

We're Gonna Run.

We're Gonna Crawl.

Kick Down Every Wall.

projecthalaxy posted:

There's a difference to me, because I'm a decorum brained weirdo probably, between, say, knowing that you can request barbecue sauce on your cheeseburger or what have you, vs yelling at some clerk that they dont know what a Smokey Keith is or whatever. The former is acceptable, the latter is villainous

Yeah. The shortlist of actual secret menu versus ďdumb name for a perfectly reasonable special order or sometimes extremely unreasonable special orderĒ boils down to:

In & Out where it is Part of the Brand

Chipotle, where the three pointer is ďwe will charge you less for this very simple special orderĒ and the quesarito which is just as monstrous as the aforementioned stupid names for an extremely unreasonable special order, except it is a monstrosity that the corporation has brought upon itself. (Donít order a quesarito you rear end in a top hat.)

projecthalaxy
Dec 27, 2008

Yes hello it is I Kurt's Secret Son


The real secret menu is knowing somebody who works there so they just slip you a bunch of the food they are about to be required to throw out anyway. I once obtained like 12 Taco Bell Mexican Pizzas by this method, which ended up worse than obtaining nothing!

Whitlam
Aug 2, 2014

Some goons overreact. Go figure.
The Australian KFC app has a secret menu section. You can quibble about whether it's really a secret menu if it's built into the official app, but in my view it counts.

A Sometimes Food
Dec 8, 2010

projecthalaxy posted:

There's a difference to me, because I'm a decorum brained weirdo probably, between, say, knowing that you can request barbecue sauce on your cheeseburger or what have you, vs yelling at some clerk that they dont know what a Smokey Keith is or whatever. The former is acceptable, the latter is villainous

There's also the villainy of being a dick cause your friend is working.

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015


If you go to the Burger King in Tonopah NV and order a Super Whopper an overweight middle aged man will meet you in the restroom and give you a handjob.

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015


Itís me. Thatís where I work and thatís what Iíll do.

UCS Hellmaker
Mar 29, 2008
Toilet Rascal
Is there a gloryhole or do we meet in the handicap stall and you stare me in the eyes.

THIS IS IMPORTANT AND MAKES OR BREAKS THIS SECRET MENU ITEM

TV Zombie
Sep 6, 2011

Burying all the trauma from past nights
Burying my anger in the past

How do you even know that there is a secret menu or secret menu items? It seems too embarrassing to try to place the order only for the cashier give you a quizzical look.

A Sometimes Food
Dec 8, 2010

TV Zombie posted:

How do you even know that there is a secret menu or secret menu items? It seems too embarrassing to try to place the order only for the cashier give you a quizzical look.

It's either

- something handed down from management in which case it's just a weird but known order usually. Still kind if a dick move.
- you legit know someone in the kitchen and it's cool
- sone bullshit rumour that gets you stared st, probably from Reddit.

Pennywise the Frown
May 10, 2010


Upset Trowel
Do NOT go to the Burger King on 22nd and ask for an Arizona Tailpipe.

It's not what you think it is.

TV Zombie
Sep 6, 2011

Burying all the trauma from past nights
Burying my anger in the past

Nothing came to mind when you mentioned "Arizona Tailpipe" so I'm not sure what it may or may not have been.

Pennywise the Frown
May 10, 2010


Upset Trowel
A made up nonsense term that I'm insinuating is getting railed. Probably in the rear end.

AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993

the cholesterol clubhouse is the horniest forum of all

i assume because none of our dicks work any more from morbid obesity and alcoholism

bloom
Feb 25, 2017

by sebmojo
How is that different from goons in any other subforum?

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018

TheAardvark posted:

the cholesterol clubhouse is the horniest forum of all

i assume because none of our dicks work any more from morbid obesity and alcoholism

despite those things my dick is just fine tyvm

bird with big dick
Oct 21, 2015


Prove it

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018

buddy its valentines day you gotta to better than that to get all this

Crusty Nutsack
Apr 21, 2005

SUCK LASER, COPPERS


now I have this image of your two avs embracing and licking and poking, ugh

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018

Crusty Nutsack posted:

now I have this image of your two avs embracing and licking and poking, ugh

nice

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AARD VARKMAN
May 17, 1993

Crusty Nutsack posted:

now I have this image of your two avs embracing and licking and poking, ugh

i want in on this fantasy

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