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reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008




Here is a picture of the bunker, note the big blue face center screen. That's CABAL.

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reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008




Here is Kane taking a rest in his bacta tank like emperor snoke

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


It would suck to show as a still image but basically on a computer screen kane's face and CABAL's face start to overlap eachother and Kane starts mixing up his your and his ours and it is very clear they are working for the same purpose.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Several years pass. CABAL gets shut down and Kane decides to get out of his bacta tank.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


The year is twenty thirty four. It's been thirty four long years since kane started the first tiberian war because he didn't want to wait thirty long years.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Kane has finally emerged from his bacta tank and he drunkenly stumbles into a mostly red room with a flashlight

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


The implication is the GDI is actively shelling the area or something but why would they be.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Kane basically wakes CABAL up even though Kane was with CABAL when we last saw him napping in the bacta tank. Instead of jumping straight to the part where he gets everyone killed Kane decides that he'll try something new and he's going to get everyone all amped up to get killed in a few years by getting a few people killed now. He starts the Rio insurrection.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


It goes stunningly and Rio insurrects like a motherfucker. So then Kane decides to take control of nod proper and begin rebuilding the temple of nod at Sarajevo in basically the exact spot it used to be but way bigger. He has a plan you see and step one is to be ostentatious as hell.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008




Kane succeeds. More sexy women. More money. More Red. Kane has it all. He decides to start world war 5.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


At this point GDI has basically betrayed the mutants entirely. The entire world is split into red zones yellow zones and blue zones in a way that suspiciously leaves all the richest countries mostly untouched by tiberium poisoning. You can live a normal life like tiberium never even happened in certain parts of Antarctica. For the mutants this has meant that they are strictly forbidden from ever entering these blue zones and as a result they have been forced to choose between anarchy and Nod.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


GDI's leadership now survives almost entirely in space.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008




At this point Kane still has to wear his mask because of his hosed up face. The only reason I even know the mask was designed to fix his hosed up face is because in this next moment mere seconds after this photo was taken

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008




He takes off the mask! And his face is fine!

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


So that's how Kane dealt with being tragically burnt on his face because he forgot to teleport away fast enough from the laser beam everybody. He built a mask to fix it and then it did. Took like twenty years.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


So with his non-hosed up face Kane starts the fifth world war by launching a preemptive first strike on washington DC and he almost successfully takes over the entire GDI land based command organization. He gets in such an impressive surprise attack because he launches a loving missile at the space station where GDI is keeping all its important leaders for some huge conference or another. They all die instantly.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


It is very important to note that during this period AJ from Lost ended up off the island and working as a soldier for Nod

Sir DonkeyPunch
Mar 23, 2007

I didn't hear no bell


Pillbug

These games all ruled so hard, I just wish they didnít look like dogshit at modern resolutions. Or like Renegade and just crash after 2 minutes

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


GDI doesn't actually lose control of Washington DC. They fight off Nod and their new leader is Lando Calrissian

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Basically he is the least qualified person in the world and also may or may not be working with Nod I forget. But by some kinda constitutional thing he's the new leader.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Somehow Nod still exists despite them forgetting how stealth technology works. Basically during the second tiberian war they had it perfect, like this



That's a mobile stealth emitter (right) and a stealth emitter (top left), note how everything under friendly control within their area of effect is invisible

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008




Now when looking at this disruption tower, the big tall red thing in the middle there, you'll notice it isn't invisible. Nod forgot how to make their stealth buildings make themselves invisible. Theoretically all of their "hidden" bases are totally visible from space! loving god drat you EA

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


So even though it makes no sense Nod managed to build up for world war 5 and start it and launch it secretly and almost win. All of this was according to Kane's plan because he knew he'd lose.

Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

I have no country to fight for; my country is the earth; I am a citizen of the world.

reignofevil posted:

Somehow Nod still exists despite them forgetting how stealth technology works. Basically during the second tiberian war they had it perfect, like this



That's a mobile stealth emitter (right) and a stealth emitter (top left), note how everything under friendly control within their area of effect is invisible

GDI sensors got better

Also love that they had Billy D wear a cape SI that there's no question that it's Lando.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


I'll accept no excuses command and conquer 3 shall forever bear this cross along with the additional weighty cross of removing free-form tiberium spread to save processing power. Half the fun of the first two games was letting tiberium get spread to places it had no business ever being!

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


But this is important this is kane's plan here. Now that he's started world war 5 he is going to transport his very expensive very temperamental experimental bomb all the way from south america to Sarajevo. He was building the bomb in south america but he can't get the fuckin' detonator to work.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


That's when Kane realized starting world war 5 was the answer. If he set the bait at the trap just right he could predict with near certainty what they (the GDI) would do and when they did it he could achieve his goal. So let's talk about his goal. In the last game he wanted to set off a gigantic rear end liquid tiberium bomb to cause the whole world to be a tiberium candy apple. Now he wants to do the exact same thing but instead of a missile he has decided it would be easier if it was a regular old bomb. So far so good. But he can't get anything that will actually make the bomb hot enough to go critical. Basically it could be a really really big explosion but without enough heat it will just be a kind of small explosion and that won't get the candy apple crusty enough for the aliens.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


The Ion Cannon would be really really hot. If he could get GDI to be all pissed off and shoot it at his tiberium bomb it would blow up super duper good and it would be a perfect detonator to coat the earth in delicious sour caramel candy. So that's what he does. That's why the first step in his plan was being REALLY ostentatious.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008




REALLY REALLY ostentatious.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


So GDI is causing problems. They are smashing up the temple prime too good. Kane needs his top commander (Not CABAL) to step in and deliver the liquid tiberium bomb before GDI can get to the part where they do the big lasershow. If they do the lasershow before the commander finishes delivering the bomb then the whole thing will have been for nothing and Kane has to keep waiting.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


The Commander does his job and delivers the bomb. This is when Kane starts on the next step in his incredibly important plan. He brings on his AI, CABAL, to attack the commander who has loyally defended the temple prime from GDI after bringing the liquid tiberium bomb to kane's basement. CABAL has been given some upgrades and is now called LEGION for what is almost definitely branding and copyright reasons. Kane needs to implicate the sexy blond from command and conquer 3 of being a traitor because she is weak and kane can always tell when someone is gonna get all "trucey" with GDI on him. He does this so that it can be a twist in Command and Conquer 3 Kane's Wrath when the sexy blond from THAT game turns out to actually be kinda-traitorous we also find out the sexy blond from THIS game is innocent of the crimes she has been accused of.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


So the player defeats themselves in what was also a really fun mission where you get to launch stealth bombers to defeat an enemy that gets a bunch of free high ranked soldiers to fight you with.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008




So this guy comes on the TV to tell us all is lost and Nod is definitely hosed.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008




You'll note the increasing light in the background there. That's this dude praying to Kane as GDI wipes him off the face of the loving planet from space like he's a loving bug.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F9u-MaNNDnU

The earth gets the candy coating.





reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


At this point things get very confused for everyone involved. Nod is confused because it seems like Kane just ghosted them for another twenty years after starting a world war. This would be for the third time now. GDI is confused because what was once europe and north africa is now a heavy dusting of tiberium over a thin layer of charred concrete. Also the butt-ugly Scrin aliens are confused. They are confused because somebody just played a galactic game of ding dong ditch upon them using italy as both the doorbell and the flaming bag of dog poo poo.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


So this is when we get to find out about the Scrin. They are galactic pushovers capable of being defeated by technology fielded by humans who happen to have been kicking the poo poo out of their own planet and themselves for the past sixty odd years. Now it is possible but entirely speculatory that the Scrin do actually have access to an actual armada capable of defeating a single rebellious planet fighting a civil war amongst itself. But these scrin are not those scrin. These scrin are basically the equivalent to the redneck guy that GDI has been paying to harvest tiberium for them so that nobody they care about gets blown up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oS30H_rH5uU

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reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


So the Scrin have their own plans and designs. They shot a tiberium comet at earth in the nineties because they knew we'd fight over it and spread it and eventually destroy ourselves. They were pretty much correct about that. So what the scrin wanted was to be left alone on pluto or wherever they had decided to park their ships and the scrin wanted to stay in hibernation in that spot until eventually we were so choked with tiberium that all resistance was gone and the planet was ripe for easy economic harvest. Then they'd ship the crystals via teleporter to some other convenient point in space for sale. Or to fund some starcraft war effort. Or something.

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