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Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





lmao remember modems? terrible.

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Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





echinopsis posted:

that one time I tied to used a fit bit but it told me i was too fat for it to measure my pulse thru three inches of salty saturated fat

your wrists are too powerful

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





Silver Alicorn posted:

I used a dialup modem in 2006

buddy, I did dial up modem technical support in 2005

absolute nightmare. some good stories came out of it tho

I once spent probably 10 separate calls over 3 days talking to someone who’s dial up modem would connect to our ISP and then drop. every single time. dial up troubleshooting wasn’t too complex, so by call number two I had pretty much exhausted my options.

we went round and round and round she swears nothing changed with her computer or the cabling. I finally ask “ok, what changed in your house, or your neighborhood since this stopped working?”.

“well, my basement did flood”

“was your computer in the basement”

“yeah”

“did it get wet?”

“yeah it was half submerged in the water”

“well, I believe that may be your problem” :psypop:

I invited her to the main office and gave her a replacement modem for free mostly to help future Jim Silly-Balls out

Jim Silly-Balls fucked around with this message at 14:55 on Feb 22, 2020

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass






Lol i just noticed the person doing fucken whippits on the right side

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





echinopsis posted:

we still use faxes all the fuckin time and later this year laws come into effect that ban the transmission of prescriptions from faxes, well to be clearer they won’t be able to be used as a legal prescription anymore I don’t think they could ban that it happens altogether. the fax itself won’t go away, faxing is incredibly convenient for certain tasks

you’re not wrong, but I immediately judge any company I find using faxes in tyool 2020.

for instance I judge every single part of the healthcare industry

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





The big thing about faxing in healthcare is it is believed to be more secure than email, not because its really better or more efficient in any way

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





Which leads luddite doctors and nurses to clutch their faxing pearls because HIPAA SECURITY

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





Shaggar posted:

its more that they don't want to spend the time to enforce TLS on their email when the faxing works right now.

What Healthcare org do you work for where the practitioners know what TLS is? Faxing is how they've always done it and ITS SECURE, IT GUY so faxing is how they'll do it till the heat death of the universe

Healthcare will single handedly keep faxing alive

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





Or just leave it laying around the clinic.

so many physical breaches :cripes:

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





rotor posted:

faxes are great because I can draw a picture of a butt and fax it to my friend dave at work and then call him and tell him I sent him a fax and he has to go to the fax machine and pick up the picture of the butt that's been sitting there for an hour where everyone can see it and it's got "HEY DAVE CHECK OUT THIS rear end" written on it

do this but also write your complete medical history on it and instruct him to fold it into a paper airplane

congrats you’re now a doctor

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





Shaggar posted:

also, for maximum authenticity, send it to the wrong number a couple times first

our medical records group was printing medical records for requests from other healthcare organizations as packets they would fax over, then scanning those packets back into the EHR wholesale and not deleting the originals. each request for each patient had this happen. every time

holy gently caress it makes me mad just typing that.

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





CUECAT

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





all of the defunct search engines

altavista (remember astalavista.box.sk for all your virus getting needs?)

excite

hotbot

ask Jeeves

gopher (the protocol)

lycos

there were so many people in the search game and then google just murdered all of them

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





direct connect and the resultant SADCHUB

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





it me

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





still a thing in tyool 2020

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





Silver Alicorn posted:

i've always wondered why they never show off products/services with oiled up male bodybuilders. i'd turn out for that

hell yeah have some beefy dude show up to sell me gaming mice you cowards

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





eschaton posted:

it makes some of the people whose both it is feel kinda funny in ways they can’t put their finger on

it seems like so much work to be homophobic or transphobic or really any phobic. always analyzing the ways this thing or that thing might be gay, rather than just rolling in and being all “sup ripped guy selling video cards show me what you got”

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass






lol is that real or a photoshop?

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





more like scrub master

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





I had no idea that was a thing

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





my bitter bi rival posted:

remember having a job? lol good times

Ha! hahhh...................:smith:

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





the games on CD thing made sense at the time. you could virtually guarantee that everyone had a CDROM drive but not so for DVD.

so you could ship the game on CD’s and guarantee everyone could install it, with some annoyance for people with DVD drives.

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





Bloody posted:

alcohol 120%

Notorious b.s.d. posted:

nero burning rom

this and disc juggler and generally living in a time when you had to know which software to use for what burning task because each of them did something different and none did all of it until CDBurnerXP was released.

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





the funny thing is now with every content owner pulling their poo poo off of Hulu and Netflix we’re back to a thousand subscription apps for everything and guess what most people don’t want? a thousand subscriptions.

it will just drive piracy back up.

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





just make youtube playlists, then listen to them with your cursor in the search bar on mobile, so it pops the search screen over the video

It feeds you a ton less ads this way in my experience

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





rtsp://

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





`Nemesis posted:

CD and/or DVD drives where you had to put the disc in a cartridge first and then load the cartridge into the drive.

I have one of these drives for my SE/30. it both owns and sucks.

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





A fun feature of netware was it would auto-fill your username if you hit tab, so you could dump the entire user list if you were patient enough by just doing "A-tab", "A-tab-tab", etc.

All users, including privileged ones. Guaranteed one of them wouldnt have a password on it

:cripes:

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





Silver Alicorn posted:

remember when the main feature goal for cell phones was making them smaller and this thing took the cake

That whole thing was dumb because what people really wanted was thin phones. The first cell phones were so drat thick. a modern iPhone is like as thick as just the battery on a Nokia candybar phone.

In Summation:

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass






this one is at least pretty useful in general

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





do it, coward

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





toilet droppers local 219

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





rotor posted:

speaking of quark has anyone mentioned Kai's Power Tools or whatever it was?

KAIS POWER GOO

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xt06OSIQ0PE

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





Cross posting because this is a funy tech poo poo that I just remembered, and it took a while to type

Jim Silly-Balls posted:

I was looking for something in my basement the other night and came across this big thicc monstrosity. Its a Toshiba T3200SX and its a "portable", really a "luggable" 386 and was my first "laptop" ever. I have great memories of playing Commander Keen on this and writing Turbo Pascal assignments with it for high school. Released in 1989 and being a 386, it was pretty ancient by the time I was in high school in the mid 90's, but actual laptops of the time were wildly expensive and way out of my reach. I can recall going to a classmate's house to work on a programming assignment and while he tapped away on his shiny new Pentium desktop, I sat on the floor (near an outlet of course) with this thing, writing terrible Pascal code and slowly roasting my lap. I loved it though, because I could just pick it up and move, which was a real game-changer during a time when actual laptops were only for business executives and smartphones were a decade or more away.





It had a whopping 80mb hard drive, if I recall, which I remember being loud as hell in the 90s and I was pretty sure it doesn't work today.



Look at all that expansion!!! More than anyone could possibly ever need (just like 640k of RAM). That plate on the back labeled EXP is for expansion, but not in the way you'd think (more on that later)



More options! A floppy drive! A PS2 port! Switchable printer ports! WELCOME TO THE FUTURE!! Also a reset button for some reason, despite the power button being easily accessible on the back and the reset button requiring something thin to poke in there :iiam:



The actual expansion slots. Currently filled with more serial and parallel ports and a USR Sportster modem. That EXP plate on the back that I mentioned a couple of posts up? When you remove that, its how you get these cards out, they sort of pop up out of the ISA slots and out through that plate. Obviously you're quite limited by the space available in all axes, but this did mean you could do things like put a dedicated graphics card or ethernet card in. Mid 90's Jim Silly-Balls had no practical use for ethernet and dutifully used the USR Sportster to get on the internet.



Let's fire it up and see what happens! Oh, dead battery, of course :smith:

I forgot to mention that this is a gas plasma display. Red/Amber/Orange only. Despite being monochrome it's sharper and has better contrast and less ghosting than comparable LCDs of the time. Anyone stuck using an LCD in the late 80's/early 90's when this was made knows how terrible they are.



A quick trip to the BIOS where you can literally only set the date and the hard drive specs, and it boots!! :woop: Mercifully it has the factory hard drive, whos values are preprogrammed into the BIOS, because there is no way in hell I could figure out sectors and platters and whatnot anymore in 2020. I used to know that stuff like the back of my hand.





Let's see what's on the hard drive. Commander Keen of course!! Loved that game back in the day. I did also see the Turbo Pascal IDE and compiler in the C:\ drive as well. This thing is literally a time capsule into my highschool computer life. As you can see the gas plasma display acts like a CRT and has a refresh rate that gets picked up by the camera



It also has Windows 3.1..........



Which immediately crapped out and required a reboot. Oh well, let's try again and hook up the RADIO SHACK SERIAL MOUSE (hell yeah) this time.



First things first, live that Hotdog Stand life.



:thunk: Hmm it appears that monochrome red gas plasma displays are immune to the powers of Hotdog Stand



Lets see what else is installed. mIRC! Unregistered, naturally. Set to connect to irc01.irc.aol.com. I completely forgot you could even connect to AOL chat rooms with a regular IRC client? Thats ~9 0 ' s I n t e r n e t S e c u r i t y~ for you



Also a thing called WinProbe? I don't remember this at all, but its apparently a monitoring program of some sort? I guess for when you're trying to squeeze every ounce of performance from your 386? :rice:



Lets see what the screensaver is. I guess I must have caught some poo poo for this machine back in the day, as the screensaver is set to marquee and it says "Hey, don't laugh, it gets on the internet!!!!". Fantastic



Aaaaaaand, I set a password on it because that's ~9 0 ' s I n t e r n e t S e c u r i t y~ for you. I have no clue what I would have used back then. Owned. Oh well.



Looking at the bottom of the machine reveals the best feature I forgot it had! THE HANDLE! Hell yeah. This thing had a cloth case, which was good because you had to tote the power cable around and a phone cable and usually an RJ11 gender changer and a bunch of bullshit to make it work like floppies and whatever back in the day, but when you had it out of the case it was nice to use the handle because man is this thing heavy.



Also it has a decidedly non-kensington lock on it that looks like it probably is just for a straight up padlock and also adult me realizes it would probably make a great bottle opener, since its steel and heavily anchored to the chassis. Teenage me did not realize this as my drinking was limited to clear alcohol that I could refill with water after I stole it from my parents.

Anyway, thanks for reliving my terrible high school computing memories with me!

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





my briefcase (rip)
my network places (rip)
my computer

why was there no my recycle bin?

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





it took Apple way too long to make it a part of iOS

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass






VNC

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





Basically once I discovered Chrome Remote Desktop I stopped giving a poo poo about any and all other remote desktop solutions

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Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass





Yeah google is definitely scraping images of me janitoring my home computers to better serve me ads but it so easy both on my home network and remotely, and they have a good mobile app that I don't give a fuuuuuuuuuuck

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