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I been making GBS threads and posting this thread while I poo poo, what's your anus done that's cool lately
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Feb 23, 2020 14:36
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Absolutely nothing OP, it's worthless.
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Feb 23, 2020 14:38
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I pooped a little while ago and it slid right out and wiped easy 
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Feb 23, 2020 14:38
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Doc Fission posted:Absolutely nothing OP, it's worthless. poverty goat posted:I pooped a little while ago and it slid right out and wiped easy the anus is a land of contrasts to be sure
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Feb 23, 2020 14:41
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First time i've got my circumference, width and depth checked and these stats seem very wrong. It's a cheap kit to be fair, imported. But an anus this small shouldn't produce a poo poo as big as my arm lol. Is it a faulty estimate of body proportions or bad diet, or both, or small anus
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Feb 23, 2020 14:48
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Make baby!!
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Feb 23, 2020 14:51
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 This is a long ago forum posts thats perfect for this thread ENJOY :shep: This post was on a forum for those with extreme toy fetishes, and is in reply to a post from someone cracking a joke about injury from giant toys. I have considered writing this missive for some time now, and did not do so as I was unsure how to "break th' ice" as it were. So here is some background for a brutally accurate and terrifying tale - one I am currently in the process of trying to survive - and that is not irresponsible hyperbole. Bob Chin's "Candy Stripers" started the whole thing. I used to live two blocks from the backdoor of one of the infamous "Pussycat" theaters in Southern California. The backdoor was often ajar, so this was extremely "cost effective". Six months after the initial screening, and massive protest from "authorities" about how Fisting just **HAD** to be S & M and therefore it just **HAD** to be abusive to females, Candy Stripers was back "on th' circuit" as the back-half of a double feature. Both fisting scenes, both and Eileen Wells and Nancy Hoffman, and Amber, the other skinny floozy that fit poorly in a nurse's uniform, had been expunged. I was shocked - and pissed off too! Censorship, in its most vile form. Smut had been destroyed. Oh, the sacriledge! To move ahead in one fell swoop, I spent the next twenty years finding and collecting "good" fisting porn. The term "good" here ought to resonate with a few. I spent numerous years in northern Europe, and passed through Hamburg and Copenhagen almost monthly, if not sooner. I asked clerks in several porn stores just west of the Train Station in Denmark as to where one might find this "stuff". I asked so often, that the Germans started to actually MAKE some fisting porn, then as rare there as it was in the U.S. If my memory serves me - and it usually does very well - the series "New Cunts" were the first printed series to start regularly having shaved, fisted, youngish looking girls. Shortly thereafter, Color Climax started making loops on the subject. Did I really have this influence? I dunno... You be the historian, and tell me otherwise. Among my travels were stops in the infamous "Castro" in San Fran, and the back alleys and canals of Amsterdam, where I found two slightly differing versions of the utter-classic "Erotic Hands" that make even the most jaded of gays cringe - at the time, that is. (It would be fuckin' delightful to get a really good copy of that film! There are still few films with the "edge" that one had!) With the better films comes the interest in "appliances" which most here understand so well. Over twenty years, I wound up "outgrowing" numerous rubber monsters, and moved into the realm of the better elastics and silicones. These new dicks that squirm and slither into places that perhaps they ought not go.... About a year ago, I graduated from the #3 Goose, while at the same time, was able to sit flat down on a Homo Gigantus, and spin at will. My end almost came from a MegaDong. The folks at Big Sex Toys sold me the #4 Goose, better known as the "Big Muther Fucka", and this for any at least one good reason!!! Want a "test report"? Here goes... drat thing is just so utterly willowy that it is all but impossible for a single person, despite all good intentions, to get th' drat thing inside. Any downward pressure at all makes the poor thing just go sideways. After some unexpectedly strenuous work and many attempts, I did get it in. It was surprising easy, once in. It went to the half way point on the first try. After the four or five times I had the opportunity to try, it went effortlessly and painlessly to the two thirds point. Sadly, it will never go any farther. At least not in me... One morning in late September, with my morning shower, I got out the MegaDong, at 4.5 inches at its widest flared base, and was stretching things out as they need to be on a regular basis if the BMF is "in play". "Ooops!" Then "Oh poo poo"... Then absolute flat-out fuckin' terror. Absolute utter fear. The MegaDong had popped in too easily, and had gotten the flared base just over the back rim of my pelvis, and then zipped into the most horrid place possible. The "nose" has shifted forwards, and was immediately behind my navel, and the base's back "rim" was putting pressure on the Pelvic and Sciatic nerves down in the complexity of the "Horse Tail" and the Pelvic "floor". After it slipped in, within a half minute, I collapsed down on the bathroom floor, as my legs had become paralyzed. A triangle formed by my two big toes and my navel, was now "dead" and unresponsive. My wife got home from errands about ten minutes later. She had to balance my dead legs on my chest as I lay on my back on my son's larger skateboard, where she pushed me out into the driveway, and helped me into the back of the Jeep. I was bleeding, and starting to be in pain, as bad things were going on very quickly now. On the way to the Jeep, my hair, wet from the shower, got wrapped around one of the wheels, where it got horribly snarled into a knot, where it stayed for the next two months, while I (successfully!) got the mess untangled, so I would not have to cut stuff to the scalp to "match" the snarled messy areas. Then things got very bad... At the Hospital, we found out that the Emergency Room did no surgeries, and we had to be transported to another town, and another (affiliated) hospital. By now, the Morphine kicked in, and the overly-loud pronouncements I was making about the "need for speed" as my nerves were in the process of necrosis (death)... were no longer being heard at the new Hospital. I was injured at 9:10 AM. I arrived at the second Hospital at 1 PM. I was not taken into surgery until after 6 PM that evening. I was told verbatim, that this happens all the time, and they had special tools to extract the lodged dildo back out through the Anus. I explained to them that they had no familiarity with the enormity of this dildo, and that it would be impossible to do this, as the flared base was now imbedded into grossly swollen tissues. Again, I was assured there would be no difficulties. I awoke after surgery sometime near 10 PM. The incision in my stomach started at the pelvis, zig-zagged around the navel, and continued upwards six more inches. I had become incontinent, sterile, impotent, and could no longer walk in a straight line, as my aductor muscles in my thighs were paralyzed from the groin to the knees. I needed a catheter until just before December. Diapers from now until some future point that could not be foreseen. In the week I was in recovery and intense round-th'-clock pain, I lost 40 pounds, all muscle, none fat. I had become "bones in a bag" as it were... In October, the first of the "incidents" began. The first blood in my shower of the day, one of perhaps 4 - 8 I needed to take every day (Incontinence sucks just so profoundly that I cannot begin to describe it here!) did not bother me much. I saw no more for three or four days. I thought it was over. Oh Oh... At 4 AM one Sunday morning in late October, I woke up with a diaper full of blood. It cleaned up in the shower, but started to bleed like crazy as I was getting out. I had to lay on the floor of the bathroom so I would not pass out. The bleeding stopped after twenty miutes or so, so I figured I was gonna be fine. I was for the rest of that day. Early on Tuesday morning, I had another bleed. Really soggy diaper. Saturated bedsheets. Bad, bad smells... I barely make it to the bathroom floor under my own power before I blacked out. Again, the bleeding stopped - or so I thought. Oh oh... I had an appointment with my urologist set **for that afternoon**. (Incredible good luck here!) When I got there, I was weak, but otherwise no more miserable than I had been for most of the past month. I explained my condition to the doc, and he got really, really worried. I said I hadn't recently seen the Colo-Rectal guy that did the surgery as I was always put into an appointment with at lest a week's wait. He made "the call" and said whatever magic words it took, to penetrate the "Medical Office Firewall" that so many specialists employ. My doctor was on vacation, so his back-up was called. Finally, I was getting a sliver of luck!!! We were in his office in ten minutes. My blood pressure, usually as stable as a table, was all of 70 over 40 - and I was still conscious and talking! He got out the AnuScope - and could see nothing. Just a torrent of blood. In fifteen minutes, I passed the equivalent of two units of blood, with no cessation of flow in sight. They called the Paramedics, even though the Hospital was literally across the street. Again, some luck came my way. Two busses, four Paramedics, four units of saline - all in five minutes. At the Emergency room, there were twelve persons trying to get units of whole blood into both arms simultaneously. Somewhere in this process, I "blinked out" for a while. My blood pressure dropped as low as 30 over 10. For those on the board with understanding of physiology, it is quite normal for a human heart to respond to such low pressure by having a heart attack. Again, a bit of better luck. In all, I had lost 80% of my red blood cells, platelets and Clotting factor, and would be weakened from a lack of whole blood for at least the next three months. The "new" doctor, for whom I have developed great respect, (saving your life tends to do this, don'tcha know it...) had the repair of my colon done in thirty five minutes. Then came the other stuff - scar tissue. The damaged wall of the colon, which was killed by a pressure ulcer from the 9 plus hours I had waited for surgery, formed scar tissue, which constricted as it formed. All natural - and quite deadly. When I could no longer "keep up" with the flow of solid waste whether I used an enema or not, becuase the stooles were getting smaller and thinner. When the constriction got as small as a pencil and my abdomen was swelling and rumbling, I had an emergency surgery - on Christmas Eve no less... Its nearly February. I can walk in a straight line - if I really concentrate. I can pee in a normal restroom - provided I get ten minutes uninterrupted. My navel did something bizarre, like "opening up" from the damage to the underlying fascia from the surgery. Now it is a full inch in diameter, and is open underneath all the way, a full inch wide, down into the abdominal cavity. I was told that if a section of small bowel gets "hairpinned" into this tunnel, I have less than six hours before it becomes Gangrenous. Fun, huh? Erections and ejaculation? You gotta be kiddin' As I was told, "Maybe next year"... Then there is the constant pain. Both feet feel as if they are being boiled in oil. Such is the behavior of nerves as they try and heal themselves. Best thing going to minimize this part of the mess? Shingle medications. Oh, then there are the "additives". Like having to live on laxatives, for, oh Hell, I haven't the foggiest notion - nor has anyone else. Getting a good fisting ever again? What do you think? So when someone scoffs at a story of incredibly bad damage from a penetration gone bad? Well, if they do this in front of me, I'll break their jaw. Almost dying will change your perspectives unlike anything else. Now as far as talkin' to th' animals goes, I suspect that most here mis-interpreted the original poster. There is little doubt that my injuries will cost me my marriage of twenty years. The otherwise sensible woman I married "went off the deep end" about this whole affair. The bitching has become so noxious that I long for those times when I am out of her company. I stunk up the house with my incontinence. A bad, bad, bad reek... My kids now keep me at arms length - always. My wife generally refuses to touch me anymore. But the Guinea Pig, the Parrot, and the Cat all realized I was injured, and have treated me with acceptance and gentleness - unlike the rest of the household's human contingent. Just thought you all ought to know this...
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Feb 23, 2020 14:55
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a brave story goonsire, may that guinea pig comfort your anus until you're fit and well enough to poo poo normal like
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Feb 23, 2020 15:12
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Is that a gecafe fanfic?
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Feb 23, 2020 15:20
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I appreciate that you just happened to have this story on hand
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Feb 23, 2020 15:30
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i took such a big poo poo this morning i should probably be given some type of award.
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Feb 23, 2020 16:27
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Hell Yeah posted:i took such a big poo poo this morning i should probably be given some type of award. The Lord watches all his children. When your time comes you will receive your rewards. Goon bless.
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Feb 23, 2020 16:56
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The amount of liquid poo poo it sprayed across the island of Sicily was noteworthy
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Feb 23, 2020 17:10
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Ever? Well somehow it made its own lube and I don't mean poo poo either. I wasn't a fan of anal but I would do it to please a boyfriend and I initiated it a few times really drunk to be NASTY and give him a thrill I have no idea but when I got wet I got wet everywhere. If we had more women posters I would ask them if this ever happened to them...
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Feb 23, 2020 17:23
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It keeps me from making GBS threads myself in public every single day.
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Feb 23, 2020 17:23
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several friends posted:I been making GBS threads and posting this thread while I poo poo, what's your anus done that's cool lately drat, if I'd only read your post five minutes earlier, I would have been making GBS threads and reading your post right after you shat while posting it.
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Feb 23, 2020 17:28
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i passed the doc johnson great american challenge
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Feb 23, 2020 17:36
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Norovirus super spreadin' anus.
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Feb 23, 2020 17:46
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My anus is a perfect gentleman.
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Feb 23, 2020 17:51
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I once had a fart that lasted for 14 seconds. It wasn't a little squeaking thing either. It was like a galeforce wind ripping through my insides from somewhere unknown, bringing with it ease and terrible odors.
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Feb 23, 2020 17:52
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one time i rode my bike too much and got an hemorrhoid. it looked like an evil eye peering at me from the stinky depths... i thought i had rear end cancer. anyway i had my dad take a look and told me it wasnt anything to worry about. close call!!! thanks pops.
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Feb 23, 2020 17:54
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I used to have a job shipping books. Factory type job. Anyway, I shut down production for a good ten minutes. I ripped a fart so bad everyone had to clear the area for that long.
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Feb 23, 2020 17:56
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Jose Oquendo posted:I used to have a job shipping books. Factory type job. Anyway, I shut down production for a good ten minutes. I ripped a fart so bad everyone had to clear the area for that long. So I'll just ask: are the "used to" qualifier and fart related somehow
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Feb 23, 2020 18:27
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As I was feeding the cats yesterday morning, my anus literally barked out a fart. It made both of them stop eating and look around for a dog.
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Feb 23, 2020 18:54
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Wild Turkey hangover shits so rank it's caused crying and red eyes, runny noses, and vomiting in others on multiple occasions. My rear end is a proven chemical warfare simulator.
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Feb 23, 2020 19:12
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Cheesus posted:As I was feeding the cats yesterday morning, my anus literally barked out a fart. It made both of them stop eating and look around for a dog. This makes me think of that bit lowtax wrote about having gas in the morning and giving his dogs disappointed looks about it in case somebody walks in. Honky Dong Country fucked around with this message at 23:21 on Feb 23, 2020 |
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Feb 23, 2020 19:28
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My anus is quiet and doesn't bother anybody and that's about all a good anus needs to aspire to.
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Feb 23, 2020 19:38
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William Henry Hairytaint posted:My anus is quiet and doesn't bother anybody and that's about all a good anus needs to aspire to. The centrist anus.
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Feb 23, 2020 19:42
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My anus got its own anus! Wait that doesn't sound good, I think that's a serious medical problem.
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Feb 23, 2020 20:01
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Colonel Cancer posted:My anus got its own anus! "You are transparent. I see many things. I see anuses within anuses." -Oberon
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Feb 23, 2020 20:15
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Academy Award for Best Picture 2005
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Feb 23, 2020 20:38
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I may have pooped outside a famous New York subway station. Was not prepared for the complete lack of toilets in that city.
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Feb 23, 2020 21:37
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Famous anus
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Feb 23, 2020 21:41
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Whooping Crabs posted:Famous anus Anus and Handy Wait, poo poo, this isn't the porno title thread...
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Feb 23, 2020 21:45
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Mine's done poo poo all
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Feb 23, 2020 21:56
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It's been itchy cuz I'm away from my bidet this weekend, sadly
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Feb 23, 2020 22:00
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Brute Hole Force posted:Anus and Handy A man, a plan, a c-anal
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Feb 23, 2020 22:05
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It's been the butt of a few jokes
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Feb 23, 2020 22:40
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One time I farted and it was so gross that people thought somebody left rotten food in a trashcan.
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Feb 23, 2020 23:22
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 13:42 |
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I once farted the first note to beastie boys brass monkey perfectly
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Feb 23, 2020 23:39
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