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13Pandora13
Nov 5, 2008

I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle




In my line of work (high hazard insurance), I see a lot of wrecked aircraft. Most people are surprised to learn that a lot of air incidents are survivable so it's not as depressing as it sounds.

I've discovered though that 0 fatality major accidents are often oddly hilarious. Something about jet craft in particular in places where they don't belong is just endlessly funny to me in a really silly way, they just look so dumb in places where airplanes don't normally (/shouldn't) go.


"Hello sir, do you have a moment to talk about our Lord and Savior, J-"
"JESUS CHRIST!!!"
"Why yes, so you've already heard the Good Word."



"They told me I could be anything I wanted to be.
So I became an inchworm."



"Guys don't to out further, I forgot my wing floaties!"



"Ah poo poo, I fell asleep at the beach, does my back look bad?"



DURR I'M A PLERN, GOING 2 BEECH



Tokyo Drifting: Masterclass Edition


Post airplanes in predicaments! "Happy" no loss of life only accidents only, please.

13Pandora13 fucked around with this message at 03:22 on Mar 5, 2020

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Bronze Fonz
Feb 14, 2019




VikingSkull
Jan 23, 2017
Look Viking you're a trash Trump supporter what the fuck makes you think you can have an avatar that isn't what I decide? Shut your fucking trap and go away. Your trolling is tiresome and just shits up the forum.

13Pandora13
Nov 5, 2008

I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle





*Presses call button* "Excuse me, ma'am, is that...normal?"
"Yes ma'am, blowing off half the loving wing after you ram it into the ground is to be expected."



*boop*



FACE DOWN.
rear end UP.
THAT'S THE WAY WE LIKE TO F...ail at landing an aircraft properly.



"Fuckfuckfuck I wrecked my dad's jet, he's gonna kill me."
"Dude just throw some branches on it, nobody is going to notice."
Everyone:




"Excuse me, has anyone seen my rear end? I seem to have misplaced my rear end."
(side note, aborting takeoff too late and burning an $85m piece of aviation history to ash is a profoundly dick move)



ENGINEWHEEL.



" I'm just feeling really overwhelmed and I just want to nap, please chill out, I'm feeling so attacked right now."

13Pandora13 fucked around with this message at 03:23 on Mar 5, 2020

VikingSkull
Jan 23, 2017
Look Viking you're a trash Trump supporter what the fuck makes you think you can have an avatar that isn't what I decide? Shut your fucking trap and go away. Your trolling is tiresome and just shits up the forum.
posting DC-10's is cheating

13Pandora13
Nov 5, 2008

I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle





"Oh what a lovely day for a fli-BLLLARGHASDAFGHJK"



"Don't mind me, I'm just a big dumb rear end in a top hat going on a Sunday drive!"



*sigh* "Can you don't."



Good news: you mom's Embraer dildo is finished.
Bad news: it crashed in Ottawa.



"Please exit via the emergency slide, sir!"
"..."
"..."
"...gently caress you."
(seriously what the gently caress):




"Am I in the lines? I feel like I'm crooked. Let me back out and try again."

13Pandora13 fucked around with this message at 03:24 on Mar 5, 2020

13Pandora13
Nov 5, 2008

I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle




VikingSkull posted:

posting DC-10's is cheating

DC-10s where nobody died is absolutely not cheating.


This is most excellent.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Chinatown
Sep 11, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Fun Shoe

13Pandora13
Nov 5, 2008

I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle





they're friends! :kimchi:



The 'shops are a totally different direction from what I had in mind but honestly the best possible development. :love:

Bronze Fonz
Feb 14, 2019




13Pandora13 posted:

The 'shops are a totally different direction from what I had in mind but honestly the best possible development. :love:

And they can be yours for a ri-di-cu-lous price too!



As a bonus, we'll include a copy of:

Bronze Fonz fucked around with this message at 03:39 on Mar 5, 2020

Knormal
Nov 11, 2001

Well no wonder these two crashed, they installed the propellers on the wrong side!

AKA Pseudonym
May 16, 2004

A dashing and sophisticated young man
Doctor Rope

Zeluth
May 12, 2001

by Fluffdaddy
Good luck, we're all counting on you.

Nooner
Mar 26, 2011

AN A+ OPSTER (:

Bronze Fonz posted:

And they can be yours for a ri-di-cu-lous price too!




Hot drat this is perfect

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

just gonna slap this bad boy down on this here 1/4 mile drag strip

By popular demand
Jul 17, 2007

IT *BZZT* WASP ME--
IT WASP ME ALL *BZZT* ALONG!



:newlol: oh poo poo I remember when that happened

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer

I don't think anyone died in this image. Then again, that man does seem to be missing his legs...

https://i.imgur.com/8nNDGSU.png

That's better!

His bottom half is missing because he is in waist-high vegetation.

MutantBlue
Jun 8, 2001

Advancements in Air Travel



RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer
Can anyone do anything with the DC 2.5? A DC 3 that had one wing replaced with a DC 2 wing?

Relayer
Sep 18, 2002
It's funny when the fuselage is mostly intact and there are big baloon rampy things coming out of the emergency exits. Less so when it's like "so, there's a debris field... and we can't find any part of your daughter that isn't mixed with another person"

RandomPauI
Nov 24, 2006


Grimey Drawer
https://i.imgur.com/uKx9P8K.png

Don't drink and fly!

Mr. Creakle
Apr 27, 2007

Protecting your virginity



Relayer posted:

It's funny when the fuselage is mostly intact and there are big baloon rampy things coming out of the emergency exits. Less so when it's like "so, there's a debris field... and we can't find any part of your daughter that isn't mixed with another person"

This.

As funny as these are I can’t believe some of these crashes had ZERO fatalities. Some look like they should have at least taken out the captain or some unlucky bastards in first class or something.

Also, insert Daily Crash 10 joke here

The Real Amethyst
Apr 20, 2018

When no one was looking, Serval took forty Japari buns. She took 40 buns. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible.
If anybody uses Line app for group chats (it's like Japanese Whatsapp) you can get tons airplane sticker comments! All in various predicaments.



https://store.line.me/stickershop/product/1590928/en

Mr. Creakle
Apr 27, 2007

Protecting your virginity



This thread is as good of a place as any to post this. Boeing must be mad that DC holds the title for world’s shittiest planes and is gunning for the position. The 737 Max carnage was not enough...

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.se...s-test/%3famp=1

https://www.seattletimes.com/business/boeing-aerospace/door-blows-out-during-ground-test-on-boeing-777x-jet/

Boeing’s rides are so relaxing you just want to lie back, relax, and decompress

13Pandora13
Nov 5, 2008

I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle




extra row of teeth posted:

This.

As funny as these are I can’t believe some of these crashes had ZERO fatalities. Some look like they should have at least taken out the captain or some unlucky bastards in first class or something.

Also, insert Daily Crash 10 joke here

Cross my heart, everything I've posted was no in-craft or ground fatalities! There are some largely intact accidents with funny endpoint positions that do fall into that "a couple of really unluckly souls" category (eg Daghestan DAG372) and I didn't post them because it's not in good taste. There's also things like Air Bagan JAB011 were you'd look at it and assume it was a total loss of all lives and it's like 2 people and it's mindblowing how so many others could have walked away from what was basically burned out rubble.

13Pandora13 fucked around with this message at 01:53 on Mar 6, 2020

Mill Town
Apr 17, 2006

numberoneposter posted:

just gonna slap this bad boy down on this here 1/4 mile drag strip



Oh man, I came here to post this. C-GAUN, the Gimli Glider, is my favourite aircraft disaster of all time. A series of hilarious fuckups (including using an old imperial conversion for fuel weight when they should have used metric... Canada had just switched and the 767 was the first all-metric craft in Air Canada's fleet) causes them to run out of fuel halfway across Canada. One engine flames out, then the other, then the pilots hear a BONG noise they've never heard before, ever, because no one bothered to run that scenario in the simulator, it was considered so unlikely.

After the series of fuckups, a series of fortunate events helps the pilots get the aircraft on the ground with no loss of life. Discovering they can't make Winnipeg because their sink rate is too high, first officer Maurice Quintal remembers there's a huge runway at the former CFB Gimli, because he just happened to be stationed there as an RCAF pilot. Captain Bob Pearson gets the plane there, but they're coming in too high and too fast... fortunately he just happens to be a glider pilot in his spare time, so this motherfucker crosses the controls and sideslips the 767, losing both speed and altitude while staying lined up with the runway.

The former runways have been converted to dragstrips for a local car club, who are having a weekend party. As the 767 silently appears out of the sky barreling directly towards the runway, everyone on the ground manages to get away in time, including some kids on bikes. The nose gear has failed to lock, and collapses, dragging the nose along the ground until the airplane comes to a stop. Small fires break out on the nose from the friction, but the car club members naturally have a ton of handheld fire extinguishers on hand and get the fires out almost immediately. Everyone escapes with only a few minor injuries from going down the slides.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

and the 767 is a big rear end glider

in case you are wondering how you can even land a plane that big without the engines going is that a neat little fan pops out that spins up with the incoming air and provides at least partial hydraulic power

numberoneposter fucked around with this message at 02:59 on Mar 6, 2020

VikingSkull
Jan 23, 2017
Look Viking you're a trash Trump supporter what the fuck makes you think you can have an avatar that isn't what I decide? Shut your fucking trap and go away. Your trolling is tiresome and just shits up the forum.

Mill Town posted:

Oh man, I came here to post this. C-GAUN, the Gimli Glider, is my favourite aircraft disaster of all time. A series of hilarious fuckups (including using an old imperial conversion for fuel weight when they should have used metric... Canada had just switched and the 767 was the first all-metric craft in Air Canada's fleet) causes them to run out of fuel halfway across Canada. One engine flames out, then the other, then the pilots hear a BONG noise they've never heard before, ever, because no one bothered to run that scenario in the simulator, it was considered so unlikely.

After the series of fuckups, a series of fortunate events helps the pilots get the aircraft on the ground with no loss of life. Discovering they can't make Winnipeg because their sink rate is too high, first officer Maurice Quintal remembers there's a huge runway at the former CFB Gimli, because he just happened to be stationed there as an RCAF pilot. Captain Bob Pearson gets the plane there, but they're coming in too high and too fast... fortunately he just happens to be a glider pilot in his spare time, so this motherfucker crosses the controls and sideslips the 767, losing both speed and altitude while staying lined up with the runway.

The former runways have been converted to dragstrips for a local car club, who are having a weekend party. As the 767 silently appears out of the sky barreling directly towards the runway, everyone on the ground manages to get away in time, including some kids on bikes. The nose gear has failed to lock, and collapses, dragging the nose along the ground until the airplane comes to a stop. Small fires break out on the nose from the friction, but the car club members naturally have a ton of handheld fire extinguishers on hand and get the fires out almost immediately. Everyone escapes with only a few minor injuries from going down the slides.

the best part is what you see in the picture, they just roped the fucker off and kept racing

13Pandora13
Nov 5, 2008

I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle




numberoneposter posted:

and the 767 is a big rear end glider

in case you are wondering how you can even land a plane that big without the engines going is that a neat little fan pops out that spins up with the incoming air and provides at least partial hydraulic power

And the manual overrides for the landing gear is all designed so (hopefully) gravity and the jolt from the door opening is enough to lock it in place! Frequently, not all of the gear locks though, as it ends up the manual release for a bigass aircraft bay door isn't super easy to manipulate (obviously you don't want it to be open-able by an accidental jostle) and it ends up being opened too gradually to get a good hard drop. Still helps to have some landing gear though, and pilots do get some training on how to land with screwed up landing gear https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=epKrA8KjYvg

Mill Town
Apr 17, 2006

numberoneposter posted:

and the 767 is a big rear end glider

in case you are wondering how you can even land a plane that big without the engines going is that a neat little fan pops out that spins up with the incoming air and provides at least partial hydraulic power

Yeah the RAT (Ram Air Turbine), it pops out automatically when the engines go out. It's a pretty cool safety feature!

Mill Town
Apr 17, 2006

VikingSkull posted:

the best part is what you see in the picture, they just roped the fucker off and kept racing

That fence was already there, the car club had set up a race course that used part of the runway as a straightaway and the other part was the drag strip

13Pandora13
Nov 5, 2008

I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle





"Do you guys feel that? It feels breezy in here to me."



"This works for the album cover, right?"
(this was a test flight and crashed intentionally)



"Beep beep, motherfucker."



"Please come back to the boat. You're being ridiculous."
"No gently caress you, Greg, you said we were going fishing."



"Okay so I know I'm technically a cargo carrier right now, but hear me out, coat of black paint: attack helicopter."



Shittiest. Water slide. Ever.

13Pandora13
Nov 5, 2008

I've got tiiits that swingle dangle dingle





This is my building.
Get out.
You don't even fit.



{SUBMARINE MODE: ACTIVATE}



"I went to the market to get you a rose, but they were out, so I made one out of my face":





"I specifically asked for the opposite of this."



"Wheeeee!"



"Mom watch me jump off the rope swing! Mom! Mom watch!"



"Come on, come on, just flap, loving wings WHY WON'T YOU WORK."

best bale
Jul 4, 2007



Lipstick Apathy

Just waiting patiently to cross

e:loving Imgur postpic is my best friend now

best bale fucked around with this message at 15:24 on Mar 6, 2020

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

numberoneposter posted:

and the 767 is a big rear end glider

in case you are wondering how you can even land a plane that big without the engines going is that a neat little fan pops out that spins up with the incoming air and provides at least partial hydraulic power
this guy is literally saying airplanes are powered by windmills :colbert:

Sunswipe
Feb 5, 2016

by Fluffdaddy

Relayer posted:

It's funny when the fuselage is mostly intact and there are big baloon rampy things coming out of the emergency exits. Less so when it's like "so, there's a debris field... and we can't find any part of your daughter that isn't mixed with another person"

"She died as she lived, covered in other people's bodily fluids.

... too soon?"

"Yes, officer. But thanks for letting us know."

Top Hats Monthly
Jun 22, 2011


People are people so why should it be, that you and I should get along so awfully blink blink recall STOP IT YOU POSH LITTLE SHIT


Everyone lived!

Shadow0
Jun 16, 2008


If to live in this style is to be eccentric, it must be confessed that there is something good in eccentricity.

Grimey Drawer

Top Hats Monthly posted:

Everyone lived!

This is the power of having your seat forward and your tray in the upright position.

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Shut up Meg
Jan 8, 2019

You're safe here.




"Dammit Bobby, were you born in a barn?"

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