Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

«‹›236 »

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

Tree Bucket posted:

It's great that, re-reading Animorphs as an adult, Visser 3 is immediately identifiable as every crappy manager ever.

And to think he�s ultimately just middle management in the Yeerk Empire.

# ? Jun 24, 2020 02:01

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 23, 2024 13:04

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Visser Three is the worst boss. Anyway, sorry I'm late tonight.

The Messenger-Chapter 24

quote:

We morphed once more into our dolphin bodies and swam down the river to the place where we had entered the water. We beached ourselves in shallow water and returned to our human bodies.

"It feels good to be human again," Jake said.

Marco said, "Oh, Jake, you were never exactly human to begin with."

I guess it was funny, but we were all too tired to laugh.

We dug our clothes and shoes out of their hiding place. I pulled jeans and a sweatshirt on over my wet morphing suit. I shoved muddy feet into my boots.

<Strange,> Ax said, watching us very closely.

<What is the meaning of the things you place on your bodies?>

"It's clothing," Rachel explained.

<Why do you wear it? Does it protect you from the environment?>

"Yes. That, plus the fact that people get very upset if you walk around naked," Marco answered.

There was a fluttering overhead. One of the shadowed branches dipped with a sudden weight.

"Is that you, Tobias?" I asked.

<Yes. You . . . you found an Andalite!>

"Yes. Tobias, meet Ax. That's his nickname, anyway. Ax, meet Tobias. Tobias is one of us."

<Sort of, anyway,> Tobias said dryly. <l liked this morph so much I moved in permanently.>

The Andalite was shocked. <You were trapped?>

<Yes.>

Ax turned his eyes on me, then looked from each one of us to the next. He seemed very solemn. <You have paid a price for the gift of my brother, Elfangor.>

<Prince Elfangor was your brother?> Tobias demanded. His hawk's eyes glittered. <l was with him at the end.>

"This is all fine," Jake interrupted, "but we have to get out of here. And we have to decide what to do with Ax. He can't exactly just go walking through town with us."

"I think he should come to my farm," I said. "It's not so different from the dome ship. Fields, meadows, woods, all the way into the national forest land. He'd have to be careful, but it's the only place we have to hide him."

"That still doesn't deal with how we're going to get him there," Marco pointed out. "It's a long walk. People are gonna notice a big blue deer with extra eyes and a scorpion tail."

<I must morph,> Ax said.

"Yeah, but into what?" Rachel wondered.

Then, to my surprise, Ax walked over to me. He placed one delicate, many-fingered hand on my face.

<With your permission> he said.

I felt myself getting spacey. Not sleepy, exactly, but sort of like I was in a trance.

I realized what he was doing. He was "acquiring" me. He was absorbing my DNA.

"Urn . . . excuse me, but you're going to morph Cassie?" Marco asked. "Can you do that?"

Ax went to Marco and touched his face. One by one, Ax acquired each of us.

And then he began to morph.

I've seen a lot of strange morphings. But nothing was ever like this. Ax wasn't becoming an animal. He was becoming a human being.

But a human being we all knew, in some ways. A melding of the four human Animorphs.

His front legs began to shrivel away. His back legs thickened and strengthened. Suddenly a mouth appeared in his Andalite face.

The scorpion tail shrank and disappeared.

He reared up and stood erect.

"Urn, you know, I think we better give Ax some privacy," I suggested.

"Is he going to be a boy or a girl?" Marco wondered.

"Either way, let's turn our heads," I said.

We did. Probably just in time.

"Hey, Ax? In the pile of clothes there is an extra pair of boxers and a T-shirt," Jake said. "Put them on, okay?"

A few minutes later we turned around. We all stared.

Ax had the T-shirt pulled up like a baggy pair of shorts. The boxers were on his head.

" O -o-o-o-kay," Jake said. "A few small adjust ments needed. Ax, are you male or female?"

"I chose to be-be-be-be-be male." He stopped suddenly, eyes wide. He was surprised by his mouth. It was not something Andalites understood.
"I chose male because I am male. Word. Male. Is that a good choice? Ch-oy-ce? Chuh chuh choy-yuss?" He twisted his lips around and stuck out his tongue. "Strange," he said.

"Male is fine," Jake said. "Rachel? Cassie?

Turn around. Marco and I will help Ax adjust his clothing."

When I looked again, Ax was dressed normally.

But he did not look normal. He was of medium height, a perfect balance between Rachel and Marco. He was of medium build, somewhere between Jake and Marco. His hair was brown, with just a little of Rachel's gold and a little of my curl. His skin was the color of light brown sugar, a blending of my brown and Marco's olive, and Jake and Rachel's pale white.

It's Ax as a human!

quote:

He was human and yet, somehow, strange.

He jerked his head this way and that. "How do you look? Lookuh. LooKUH. KUH. How do you look around? Ound. Ow, ow, ownd behind?"

I grinned. It was exactly like every time I first morphed a new animal. He was getting used to his new body. Or at least trying to. As I watched him play with his lips and try out new sounds, he suddenly tumbled forward.

Jake grabbed him and held him.

"You only have two legs now, Ax," he said.

"Yes. Two. Oo. Very shaky."

"Yeah, we're a shaky species," Marco said.

"Well, let's get out of here," Jake said.

"Ax?" I said. "Don't talk to any strangers on the way home, okay?"

So, that mission went well. Maybe the first that really did. They saved Ax, and now the team has a new friend and ally, even if it's one that never paid much attention in school.

# ? Jun 24, 2020 02:55

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Manages to be less obnoxious than the Furlites of Aroriel, that's for sure.

# ? Jun 24, 2020 03:25

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

chitoryu12 posted:

Manages to be less obnoxious than the Furlites of Aroriel, that's for sure.

Kind of damning with faint praise, aren't you?

# ? Jun 24, 2020 03:39

Radio Free Kobold: Aug 11, 2012; "Federal regulations mandate that at least 30% of our content must promote Reptilian or Draconic culture. This is DJ Scratch N' Sniff with the latest mermaid screeching on KBLD..."

ax is a good boi

# ? Jun 24, 2020 04:28

Ravenfood: Nov 4, 2011

I feel like the ability to just...merge morphs? Or whatever Ax just did is some kind of new uncharted body horror poo poo if they wanted it to be.

# ? Jun 24, 2020 05:26

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

"Regional Manager, Patrick Visser III"
"John Visser, Human Resources Consultant"
"Karen Visser: Lead Departmental Supervisor of Core Competencialization and Actualized Keystoning"

# ? Jun 24, 2020 05:30

Kazzah: Jul 15, 2011; Formerly known as
Krazyface; Hair Elf

Ravenfood posted:

I feel like the ability to just...merge morphs? Or whatever Ax just did is some kind of new uncharted body horror poo poo if they wanted it to be.

It will never, ever be mentioned again. It's basically a crutch to put off the question of morphing a sentient creature until later in the series (barring sentient-ish animals, of course).

# ? Jun 24, 2020 05:43

Kchama: Jul 25, 2007

Krazyface posted:

It will never, ever be mentioned again. It's basically a crutch to put off the question of morphing a sentient creature until later in the series (barring sentient-ish animals, of course).

I mean I can see the reasoning why it's possible but also entirely useless outside this one single purpose of disguising as a non-specific person.

# ? Jun 24, 2020 05:52

Daikloktos: Jan 1, 2020; by Cyrano4747

Kchama posted:

I mean I can see the reasoning why it's possible but also entirely useless outside this one single purpose of disguising as a non-specific person.

Sorry you don't want to spend a season roaming the jungle, taking all challengers and constructing The Ultimate Ape

# ? Jun 24, 2020 07:04

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Krazyface posted:

It will never, ever be mentioned again. It's basically a crutch to put off the question of morphing a sentient creature until later in the series (barring sentient-ish animals, of course).

That's not true. Not a main series book, but Elfangor uses it to create his permanent human disguise at the end of The Andalite Chronicles.

# ? Jun 24, 2020 07:12

Avalerion: Oct 19, 2012

We've already seen morphing is a skill you can be better or worse at, it would not be unreasonable to asume mixing morphs is something the kids just aren't good enough to do even if they were willing.

# ? Jun 24, 2020 10:51

Turpitude II: Nov 10, 2014

Fritzler posted:

Light spoilers for a future book and question about Visser 3�s biology:
I remember later the Yeerks are genetically adapting sharks so their brains are big enough for Yeerks to live in. Does this ever come up in Visser 3�s morphs? He can�t morph small enough wit hour killing the yeerk inside? Does this ever come up in an animorphs battle plan against him?

also spoiler for a future book and biology: a yeerk's size doesn't have an impact on its host's morph, as long as it's in the host body when it morphs it's treated the same as the body's organic matter. in #6 jake is infested and the yeerk morphs him falcon no problem. same with cassie and aftran in #19. the problem with the sharks (in #15) was that the yeerks were implanting brain chips in them to make them more infestable, and the brain chips weren't impacted by morphing. if you have a chip in your brain and you morph something small, it's gonna burst your head open.

# ? Jun 24, 2020 11:58

Kaiju15: Jul 25, 2013

quote:

He reared up and stood erect.

"Urn, you know, I think we better give Ax some privacy," I suggested.

# ? Jun 24, 2020 14:08

feetnotes: Jan 29, 2008

Turpitude II posted:

also spoiler for a future book and biology: a yeerk's size doesn't have an impact on its host's morph, as long as it's in the host body when it morphs it's treated the same as the body's organic matter.

So theoretically, a yeerk could infest a host with morphing capability, then get stuck in morph resulting in a creature with the combined minds of the yeerk, the host, and the animal body. The yeerk mind apparently maintains control in this situation judging by book 6, even though Its physical form is gone (along with the need for Kandrona rays). That�s an even more terrifying prospect than garden-variety yeerk in the brain - no physical separation between host and parasite, no respite for yeerk pool time, just permanent mental imprisonment with maybe a polar bear brain or something for company.

# ? Jun 24, 2020 14:52

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

The Message-Chapter 25

quote:

It was a couple of days later. After we had recovered. After I had made sure that Ax was safe in the far fields of our farm, away from curious eyes.

I waited till dark, and changed again into the seagull morph.

I flew out of my barn and through the night to The Gardens.

It was closed and empty, aside from a few scattered security guards. They would have stopped me if I had tried to enter normally. But no one was looking out for seagulls.

I landed near the dolphin tank and became human again. There were no lights on and just a sliver of moon, but I could hear the dolphins swimming. One came over to me, curious about why a human would be hanging around at night.

"Hi," I said. "Sorry, I don't have any food for you."

Then I climbed up on the side of the tank. I let myself go, slipping into the cool water.

Three of the dolphins came over to take a look. This was definitely something unusual. Some strange human was getting in the pool with them. This was a new game.

I began to morph.

This definitely got their attention. All six dolphins swam around, looking up at me, sideways at me, back at me as they passed.

And slowly I became one of them.

It was a dumb thing to do, really. I knew it was dumb. But it felt like something I had to do.

I wanted to show them what I had done. I wanted their permission to become one of them. I wanted to find some way to tell them . . . every thing.

But you know, once I was in that dolphin body again, it was hard to remember all my solemn worries. It was hard to remember why I had come.
Hard to remember fear and worry and guilt.

One of them came over, gave me a nudge, then shot toward the surface. She exploded into the air and fell back, as silent and smooth as an arrow.

They were asking me to play.

They were asking me to dance with them.

And so I did.

And that's book four. That's Cassie's story. And, Jesus whale aside, maybe the message of this chapter is, while we don't know what the future will bring, take some time right now to enjoy the moments we have.

So, assuming this place is still here tomorrow, we can start book five, The Predator. It is, if you can guess, a Marco book,

# ? Jun 24, 2020 22:01

Kchama: Jul 25, 2007

Daikloktos posted:

Sorry you don't want to spend a season roaming the jungle, taking all challengers and constructing The Ultimate Ape

... This is a use I had not considered.

# ? Jun 25, 2020 00:56

CidGregor: Sep 27, 2009; TG: if i were you i would just take that fucking devilbeast out behind the woodshed and blow its head off

Epicurius posted:

So, assuming this place is still here tomorrow,

Well that's fuckin' ominous.

# ? Jun 25, 2020 04:17

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

CidGregor posted:

Well that's fuckin' ominous.

Probably more ominous than I meant it. But, as you know, things are unsettled right now, and the future of the forum is in doubt. But, as long as the forums is still here, we'll have more animorphs.

# ? Jun 25, 2020 04:40

Avalerion: Oct 19, 2012

Lots of goons seem to be moving to bread and roses, might try continuing there if this forum gets nuked.

# ? Jun 25, 2020 07:37

SardonicTyrant: Feb 26, 2016; BTICH IM A NEWT
熱くなれ夢みた明日を
必ずいつかつかまえる
走り出せ振り向くことなく
&

If you move to B+R, I have an Animorph Let's Read set up already, but I'd love having a second one if you want to keep going.

# ? Jun 25, 2020 23:11

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

SardonicTyrant posted:

If you move to B+R, I have an Animorph Let's Read set up already, but I'd love having a second one if you want to keep going.

I appreciate the invitation. I'm not sure that B&R is the place for me, but thanks for offering. And if you want any help or need any Animorphs resources, please get in touch with me.

Anyway, lets forget about board stuff and get back to our series about kids trying to stop evil aliens who trick people into becoming their partners, and then control and dominate them without regards to their rights or well being.

# ? Jun 25, 2020 23:43

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Book 5: The Predator-Chapter 1

quote:

My name is Marco.

I can't tell you my last name or where I live. Believe me, I wish I could. I would like nothing more than to be able to tell you my name is Marco Jones or Williams or Vasquez or Brown or Anderson or McCain.

Marco McCain. Has kind of a nice sound, doesn't it?

But McCain's not my last name. I'm not even going to swear to you that Marco is my first name. See, I'm hoping to live awhile longer. I'm not going to make it any easier for the Yeerks to find me.

I live in a paranoid world. But just because I'm paranoid doesn't mean I don't have enemies.

I have real enemies. Enemies that would freeze your blood if you only knew.

So this is the standard "I can't tell you who I am or where I live. Except, it's Marco.

quote:

So, see, I'd like to tell you my name, and address, and phone number, too, because if I could do that, it would mean I no longer had any enemies. It would mean my life was normal again.

It would mean I could go back to minding my own business.

I believe in minding my own business.

Which is why what happened on my way home from the 7-Eleven was so dumb.

I was walking down the street with some low-fat milk, a loaf of bread, and a bag of peanut M&M's. Since my mom died, I've gotten stuck with a lot of the shopping and stuff for my dad and me.

This 7-Eleven isn't in the greatest neighborhood, so I was walking kind of fast, minding my own business, trying not to think about the fact that it was after ten at night.

Then I heard it.

"Just don't hurt me, just don't hurt me."

It was a man's voice. An old man, from the sound of it. It was coming from a dark alley.

I hesitated. I stopped. I pressed myself back against the cold brick wall of the building and listened.

"Just gimme the money, old man, don't make me hurt you," a second voice said. A younger voice. A tough voice.

"I gave you all of it!" the old man cried.

Then the punk said something I can't repeat. Basically, he was getting ready to pound the old man. I heard other voices. Three punks total. It didn't look good for the old man.

"This is totally not your problem, Marco," I told myself. "Stay out of it. Don't be an idiot."

Three punks. Each of them probably twice as big as I was. I'm not exactly Arnold Schwarzenegger. I'm not even average height for my age, although I make up for it by being incredibly cute.

And charming. And witty. And modest.

But I was pretty sure the three big gang members in that alley were not going to be very impressed by my cuteness.

Fortunately, I have other abilities.

See, that's Marco. After telling you why he shouldn't get involved, he gets involved.

quote:

It had been a while since I had done this particular morph, but as I concentrated, I could feel it coming back. I slipped into the opening of the alley and hid in the shadow of a very smelly Dumpster.

The first thing that happened was the fur. It sprouted quickly from my arms and legs and all down my body. Thick, rough, ragged, black fur. It grew long on my arms and back and head. It was shorter everywhere else.

My jaw bulged forward. I could hear the bones in my jaw grind as they stretched and the nonhuman DNA changed my body.

Morphing doesn't hurt. It creeps you out some times, but it doesn't hurt. And as morphs go, this one wasn't bad. I mean, I still got to keep all my usual arms and legs and stuff. Not like when I morphed into an osprey. Or a dolphin. I mean, when I was a dolphin, I was breathing through a hole in the back of my neck.

With this morph I had arms, as usual. Only they were a lot bigger. A lot bigger. My legs bent forward. My shoulders grew so massive it was like having a couple of pigs sitting on my back. I also had an enormous round belly and a leathery chest.

My face was a black, bulging, rubbery mask, and my eyes were practically invisible beneath my heavy brow.

I had become a gorilla.

Now, here's the thing about gorillas. They are the sweetest animals around. If you leave them alone they will mostly just sit and eat leaves all day.

And that's all the gorilla mind really wanted to do right then - eat some leaves, maybe a nice piece of fruit.

But I was in that head, too, along with the gorilla's instincts. And I had decided to teach those punks a little lesson. See, now that I was in that gorilla body, I weighed four hundred pounds.

And I was mighty strong.

How strong? Let me put it this way. Compared to a gorilla, a human being is made out of toothpicks. I wasn't just twice as strong as a man, I was maybe four, five, six times stronger.

Further down the alley, the punks had lost patience with the old man.

"Let's just kick his butt," one of the geniuses said.

That's when I decided to say hello. To get their attention, I picked up the Dumpster and threw it against the far wall of the alley
Yes, a full-sized Dumpster.

CRASH! BOOM!

"What was that?"

"Look! What is that thing?"

"Whoa! That's some kind of a ... of a monkey!"

Monkey! I thought. Excuse me? Monkey? I'll show you monkey.

Before they could decide what to do, I charged. Knuckles scraping the dirty ground, small hind legs propelling me forward, I charged.
If the punks had had any sense, they would have run.

They didn't.

"Get it! "one yelled.

I grabbed him around his arm with one massive fist. I lifted him straight off the ground and threw him over my shoulder.
"Aaaaaaahhhhh!"

BOOMPH!

He landed on the ground behind me. The other two rushed at me, one on the left, one on the right. I saw a knife glittering. The knife slashed my arm. It almost hurt.

"Hoo hoo hrrraaawwwrr!" I yelled, in pure gorilla.

With my injured arm, I landed a backhand blow to the knife guy's chest. He flew back. I mean, flew. He hit the wall and dropped.
I just grabbed the third guy by the shirt collar and threw him into the Dumpster.

"Don't kill meeeee!" he cried as he sailed through the air.

I had no intention of killing anyone. I hoisted the knife guy into the Dumpster with his friend.

He wasn't breathing real well, but I figured he'd survive.

Hah, I thought. Who needs Spiderman, when Marco is on the case?

While I was telling myself just how cool I was, I heard the sound.

It was a click. Two clicks, actually. The sound of an automatic pistol being cocked.

I spun around.

BLAM!BLAM!

It was the first guy. The one I'd thrown over my shoulder. He was up on his feet, gun pointed.

I was big. I was powerful. But a gun was a whole different story. And loud! Man, are those things loud.

"Hah! Come and get some, monkey man!"

I barreled behind the Dumpster. I leaned my massive shoulders into it and sent it rolling and spinning and sliding at the guy with the gun.

"Ahhhhh!"

BLAMPH!

So much for the guy with the gun.

I checked. He was alive. He wasn't happy, but he was alive. The gun was nowhere to be seen.

Well, Marco, I thought, that went okay. Now, find someplace private, demorph, call 911 to come arrest these guys, and you can still get home in time to watch Letterman.

Unfortunately, I had forgotten one thing.

"G-g-get out of here you . . . you monster!"

The old man. The one I had risked my life to save. He was standing, facing me. He was shaking with fear and red in the face.

Oh, I thought. So that's where the gun went.

The old man was pointing the gun at me.

"Back, you demon! Don't come any closer."

BLAM! BLAM! BLAM!

I tore out of the alley with bullets whizzing through the air.

Which just goes to show you why you should never get involved in other people's problems

Yep.

In the TV show, Marco was played by Boris Cabrera, one of the few American actors in the cast. He left acting in 2004 and is now a personal fitness trainer.

# ? Jun 26, 2020 00:01

SardonicTyrant: Feb 26, 2016; BTICH IM A NEWT
熱くなれ夢みた明日を
必ずいつかつかまえる
走り出せ振り向くことなく
&

Epicurius posted:

Yep.

In the TV show, Marco was played by Boris Cabrera, one of the few American actors in the cast. He left acting in 2004 and is now a personal fitness trainer.

The real Big Jim has logged on.

# ? Jun 26, 2020 00:09

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

SardonicTyrant posted:

The real Big Jim has logged on.

I figure more power to him. When you look at what happens to a lot of teenage actors and their career tracks, being a successful personal trainer like him, or a head of marketing, like Nascimento...well, there are worse places child actors end up.

# ? Jun 26, 2020 00:41

Starsnostars: Jan 17, 2009; The Master of Magnetism

I like to think that if a gorilla ever confronts me in an alley my reaction would not be "get it".

# ? Jun 26, 2020 08:51

Avalerion: Oct 19, 2012

quote:

Monkey! I thought. Excuse me? Monkey? I'll show you monkey.

Was Terry Pratchett writing when these came out? A very Librarian reaction there. :allears:

# ? Jun 26, 2020 08:59

Safety Biscuits: Oct 21, 2010

Gorillas eat fruit.

# ? Jun 26, 2020 15:33

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Avalerion posted:

Was Terry Pratchett writing when these came out? A very Librarian reaction there.

Yep. This book came out in 1996. The Librarian became an Orangutan 10 years earlier, in 1986.

# ? Jun 26, 2020 15:35

Grammarchist: Jan 28, 2013

I can't help but picture these punks as the thieves who bought Magilla Gorilla from Mr. Peebles pet shop to assist in robbing a bank. I guess where normal people see a terrifying force of nature these guys saw "free Great Ape."

# ? Jun 26, 2020 19:33

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

Grammarchist posted:

I can't help but picture these punks as the thieves who bought Magilla Gorilla from Mr. Peebles pet shop to assist in robbing a bank. I guess where normal people see a terrifying force of nature these guys saw "free Great Ape."

Or, "great! Free ape"

# ? Jun 26, 2020 23:33

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

The Predator-Chapter 2

quote:

Yeah , so then I do the gorilla thing, right? I save the old man. I'm the hero. I am Spiderman. I am Wolverine. I am Batman - "

"Or at least Gorilla Boy," Rachel interrupted.

She did a forward flip as we walked across the springy grass. Rachel's into gymnastics. It's very distracting when someone flips while they're talking to you.

It was the day after my big hero act. We were all out in a far meadow of Cassie's farm - me, Jake, Cassie, and Rachel, strolling through little bunches of wildflowers. Tobias was flying overhead, about a hundred feet up, in a sky dotted with bright, white clouds.

"And what happens as I am playing Captain America?" I ask. "The old man unloads the gun at me. I totally lost the milk and my bag of M&M's."

Jake gave me a disgruntled look. "Marco? It was good of you to rescue the old man. But you really shouldn't be turning into a gorilla."

Scoldy Jake there. "Oh, don't casually use your powers.

quote:

Now, as you're reading this, you're probably thinking, Urn, Marco? Time out. You've left out a few things. Like, how can you turn into a gorilla?

Good question.

It happened on a dark night when we were all heading home from the mall. There were five of us.

Me, you already know.

Jake is my best friend, even though, unfortunately, he is kind of a pain sometimes. He's one of those serious-type guys. You say the word "responsibility" and he snaps to attention. He's the kind of guy who always seems like he's bigger than he actually is. That's because he has that whole "I'm in charge, and you can trust me" thing going on. He has sensible brown hair, and trustworthy brown eyes, and one of those confident chins.

He also has a great sense of humor and is very smart, and I would trust him with my life any day, any time. Not that I would ever tell him that.

Then there's Cassie. I didn't really know her very well back then. But I think she's kind of Jake's girlfriend now. Of course, no one is supposed to know this. Ssshhh! Big secret!

Cassie is the one who is least like me. If I'm comedy, she's poetry. She's a natural peacemaker. She's the one who knows when you're feeling bad and will find something nice to say that makes you feel better. And it's not like she's manipulating. She really cares about things. She's like sincere or something.

Cassie is our animal expert. Her parents are both vets and she spends most of her free time helping her dad run the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic. It's in the barn at their farm. They save injured woodchucks and deer and eagles and so on. Cassie actually knows how to get an
injured, angry wolf to take its pills. (Not an easy thing. Believe me. I was a wolf once.)

You go out to her barn and you'll see this lit tle, short, black girl in overalls and boots with her arm halfway down the throat of a wolf that could just bite it right off. And she'll be smiling and acting like it's no big deal. And the wolf will be just standing there, looking like he's trying to earn a gold star for being the best little boy in school.

Then there's Rachel. Very beautiful. Very leggy-blond-supermodel type. Ms. Fashion. Ms. Properly-Applied-Makeup. Ms. Has-It-All - Looks- and -Brains.
Rachel is Jake's cousin, and a total babe who, unfortunately, is also totally insane. See, somehow, underneath all that perfect hair and perfect teeth, there's this lunatic Amazon warrior-queen, just fighting to get out.

Here's what Rachel'll say whenever we decide to do something so dangerous it makes you want to wet yourself: "I'm in! Let's go! Let's do it!"
I swear that, if she could, Rachel would be wearing a suit of armor and swinging a sword.

And it would be a fashionable suit of armor, and she would look great in it.

Then there is Tobias. That night in the construction site, he was just this kind of dweeby kid I barely knew. He liked Jake because Jake once kept some guys from beating him up.
To be honest with you, I don't even remember what Tobias looked like back then. Now, of course, he looks like a fierce, angry bird of prey.

There's a downside to the morphing power we have. A time limit of two hours. Stay more than two hours in a morph, and you stay forever.

That's why Tobias was flying overhead, with his wide wings catching the warm updrafts.

Tobias is a hawk. A red-tail hawk, to be exact. I guess he always will be.

I tease Tobias sometimes.

What happened to him scares me.

So, in the books, there's always the "narrator describes the other Animorphs thing, and there's Marco's. Note that he's the first one to identify that Jake and Cassie are dating. Also, I think those last two lines are significant. Marco uses sarcasm to try to deal with his fears,

quote:

Anyway, on that night we were cutting through this big, abandoned construction site. It was supposed to be a shopping center, but they got it half built and then stopped.

Then, to make a long story short, there was this spaceship. It was carrying an Andalite who was dying of wounds he'd gotten fighting the Yeerks up in Earth orbit. Or thereabouts.

He's the one who told us about the Yeerks. The Yeerks are parasites. They use the bodies of other species. They take them over. They control them. That's what you call a human who's been taken over - a Controller. A human Controller.

Jake's brother, Tom, is one. A Controller.

And Melissa, Rachel's friend, her father is one, too.

The Andalites fight the Yeerks. They had been trying to stop the secret Yeerk invasion of Earth, but basically they got their butts kicked. Before he died, the Andalite promised us that reinforcements would come. Eventually. In the meantime, all he could do for us was give us a weapon.

That weapon was the power to morph. To acquire the DNA of any animal we could touch, and then to become that animal.

So that was the deal. The five of us, five regular everyday kids, were supposed to fight theYeerks until the Andalites came along and rescued us.

Five kids versus the Yeerks. The Yeerks, who had already conquered the terrifying Hork-Bajir and made them into Controllers. The Yeerks, with their creepy allies, the Taxxon-Controllers. The Yeerks who had already infiltrated human society, making Controllers out of cops and teachers and soldiers and mayors and TV newspeople. They were everywhere.

They could be anyone.

And all we had was five kids who could turn into birds.

Or gorillas.

Marco's description of he plot of the series.

quote:

"I just don't think we should be morphing out on the street in order to get involved in everyday crimes," Jake lectured me. "Remember what happened at the used car lot with Rachel and Tobias - and you asked them if they were insane!"

I was about to argue when Rachel spoke up again.

"I think Marco did the right thing," she said. "What was he supposed to do? Just walk away? I don't think so."

"Okay, now I know I was wrong," I said. "Any time Rachel thinks I did the right thing, it has to be wrong. Besides, that was my whole point. I risked my life for that old man, and I don't even get a thank you."

"I don't know if it was a good idea," Cassie said, "but the feeling behind it was good. I think it was heroic."

Well, what could I say to that? It's very hard to disagree with someone who has just called you a hero.

Jake decided to let it go. Unfortunately, the reason he decided to drop it was that he had something bigger to talk about.

He got his serious look.

I groaned. I hate that serious look. It always means trouble.

"Jake? Are you going to tell me why we're all out walking in the fields together? Aside from the fact that it's a nice day and all?"

"We're going to see Ax," Jake explained. "Cassie and I have been talking to him the last couple days. You know, about what he wants to do."

"Uh-oh," I muttered. "I just know I'm not going to like this."

"Well . . . probably not. Ax wants to go home," Jake said.

"Home?" Rachel repeated.

"To the Andalite home world," Cassie said.

Ax, whose real name is Aximili-Esgarrouth- Isthil, is an Andalite.

I stopped walking. The others stopped, too. "Urn, excuse me, but isn't the Andalite home world kind of far away?"
"Ax says it's about eighty-two light years," Jake confirmed.

"Light travels about one hundred and eighty-six thousand miles per second," I pointed out. "Times sixty seconds per minute. Times sixty minutes per hour. Times twenty-four hours per day. Times three hundred and sixty-five days per year. That's one light year. Times eighty two years."

Rachel laughed. "So you have been staying awake in science class, Marco."

"We tried to figure it out in miles. But none of our calculators go that high," Jake said.

"You know, Jake, I could be wrong, but I don't think any of the major airlines fly to the Andalite home world," I said.

"Uh-huh," he said with a nod. "I know. That's why we'll have to steal a Yeerk spaceship."

"There he is," Cassie said.

I followed the direction of her gaze. Over toward the line of trees at the edge of the field, I saw him.

Ax.

The Andalite.

From a distance you'd think he was a small horse or a deer. He has four hooved feet that flash with amazing speed. His upper body looks like a horse's neck and head, except that when he gets close enough, you see that he has two smaller, human-sized arms sticking out.

His head is kind of a triangle, with two huge, almond-shaped eyes. Those are his main eyes.

There are two extra eyes, each stuck atop a sort of stalk. The stalks stick out of the top of his head and move, pointing the extra eyes in any direction.
But the thing that really makes you stare is the tail.

According to Cassie and Rachel, Ax is cute. I wouldn't know, being a guy. All I know is, when you see that tail, you know right away that Andalites aren't exactly cuddly koala bears or puppies.

The Andalite tail resembles a scorpion's tail. It curls up and over, and is armed with a wicked scythe blade. They can strike with those tails faster than your eye can see.

I'd seen the first Andalite do it. In the seconds before the evil creature known as Visser Three murdered the Andalite prince, he had struck with that tail again and again.

That memory came back to me as I watched Ax galloping toward us, tail arched and ready.

"I hope there's no one around," Jake said anxiously. He scanned the area. It was pretty remote. Cassie's house and barn were way out of sight. And there was no reason why anyone would be in this distant field.

I looked up and saw Tobias's reddish tail feathers. I gave him a wave.

<All clear,> Tobias called down to us in thought-speak. <There's some people having a picnic, but that's a couple miles from here.>

Ax came galloping up. <Prince Jake!> he said, also in thought-speak.

Jake groaned. Ax had gotten it into his head that Jake was our leader, which was partly true.

And I guess for an Andalite, any leader is some kind of prince.

Ax has no mouth. No one had asked him yet how he ate with no mouth.

He communicates by thought-speech. It's the same way we communicate when we're morphed. For us humans it only works when we're morphed. For Andalites, it's the normal way to communicate.

"Hi, Ax," Jake said, as the Andalite came to a skidding stop just a few feet from us. "How are you doing?"

<l am well. And each of you?>

"I'm fine," Cassie said.

Tobias swooped down out of the sky. He braked and landed neatly on the grass.

"I'm fine, too, Ax," I said. "Or at least I was until I heard someone say something really stupid."

Ax looked uncertain. He swiveled one of his stalk eyes forward to get a better look at me.

<What stupid thing was said?>

"Someone said we were going to try and steal a Yeerk spaceship," I said.

He smiled an Andalite smile, which is hard to describe, except that it involves his main eyes.

<You think it will be dangerous?>

"Dangerous? No, jumping off a ten-story building is dangerous. Sticking your tongue in an electrical socket is dangerous - not to mention painful. But stealing a Yeerk ship is beyond dangerous."

<The higher the danger, the higher the honor,> Ax said. <Is this not true?>

I gave Rachel a sidelong look. "I think we've found your future husband."

"It may be honorable to try and get a Yeerk ship, Ax," Jake said, "but honor isn't our most important goal."

The Andalite looked surprised - I think. His main eyes widened, and his stalk eyes stretched up to their maximum height. It looked like surprise to me.

<What else do you fight for, if not honor?>

Jake shrugged. "Look, we're trying to do whatever we can to hurt the Yeerks. But we're also trying to stay alive. We're all there is. I mean, no one else even knows there is a Yeerk invasion. So if something happens to us . . ." He let it hang.

<l did not mean to offend,> Ax said. <You are right, of course. You are alone. If you fail, all is lost.>

"So the question is whether this is something we can do without getting killed," Jake pointed out.

"Yeah, we're mostly against the idea of getting killed," I added. "So how are we supposed to grab a Yeerk ship? They're up in orbit. We're down here. It's not like we can call them up and ask them to come down."

<Yes, we can do that,> Ax said.

"What?"

<We can call them.>

"Right."

<I can create a Yeerk distress beacon. They will send a ship to investigate.>

"You mean like, 'Hello? Hello? Is this Visser Three? Could you send a ship down to pick me up?'" I said.

I expected everyone to laugh because the idea was so totally ridiculous. No one laughed.

"Um, excuse me?" I said, trying again. "Personally, I have had plenty of Visser Three in my life. I don't need to call him on the phone."

<lt will not involve that . . . that foul beast,> Ax said.

That was one thing I liked about Ax. He hated Visser Three. He reminded me of the Andalite prince, who was Ax's older brother. When either of them said the word "Yeerk," let alone "Visser Three," you could just feel the air vibrating from their anger.

<lt will be a minor matter,> Ax said. <They will hear a distress beacon and send a Bug fighter to investigate.

"There is always at least one Hork-Bajir and one Taxxon aboard each Bug fighter," I pointed out. "Anytime you start playing with Hork-Bajirs, it's not a minor thing."

<Do you fear them?> Ax demanded. He stared at me with all four eyes.

"You better believe I fear them."

<Fear is unworthy of a warrior.>

He seemed a little too determined for me. I don't know much about Andalites, but I had a feeling I understood this one, at least a little. See, he was alive. But every other Andalite who had come to Earth, including Ax's brother, the prince, was dead.

So I took a shot. It wasn't fair, maybe, but he'd made me mad, acting like I was some kind of coward. "How many times have you fought Hork-Bajir? Or any other Controller?" I asked him.

His stalk eyes drooped. He pawed the ground with one hoof. <Never,> he said.

I nodded. "I thought so. So let me tell you something, Ax. It's scary. It's so scary that some times you wish you could just go ahead and die because it's easier than dealing with the terror."

Well, I thought as I looked around at my friends, that pretty well killed everyone's happy mood.

It's fair, though. Ax's problem is that he was trained to become a warrior, and has been indoctrinated in those values, but he's never fought himself, and he is, I think, feeling survivor's guilt. So he overcompenates for his inexperience and guilt by being gung ho.

quote:

It was Tobias who broke the silence. <If you get a Yeerk ship, can you get back to the Andalite home world?>

Ax seemed abashed, but he answered, <Yes. I hope so.>

<And if you make it, can you do anything to hurry your people up? To get them back here quicker?>

<I am young. Like you. But I am the brother of Prince Elfangor. My people will listen to me. I ... I know that they will come, either way. But yes, perhaps if I can return and tell them how desperate your situation is . . .>

Jake took a deep breath. "Okay. Time for a vote."

I groaned. I already knew what it would be.

I don't know about the rest of you, but I like Marco's narration. I think in a lot of ways, he's the most expressive of the narrators and the most honest about his feelings. if he's upset, if he's afraid, he'll tell you in a way that I don't know that the other narrations did.

# ? Jun 26, 2020 23:37

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Yeah, he's wearing the mask to everyone else, but he is really honest with himself.

And he would be absolutely in love with Rachel completely, if he wasn't so obviously terrified of her.

# ? Jun 27, 2020 01:20

disaster pastor: May 1, 2007

Epicurius posted:

Cassie is the one who is least like me. If I'm comedy, she's poetry. She's a natural peacemaker. She's the one who knows when you're feeling bad and will find something nice to say that makes you feel better. And it's not like she's manipulating.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Epicurius posted:

I don't know about the rest of you, but I like Marco's narration. I think in a lot of ways, he's the most expressive of the narrators and the most honest about his feelings. if he's upset, if he's afraid, he'll tell you in a way that I don't know that the other narrations did.

As I believe I've said before, I think Marco's flat-out the best-written of the Animorphs. His superficial qualities don't take away from his deep ones, and in his narration, he's direct and shameless whether he's being superficial or deep, because he's being Marco and he doesn't care what other people think about that. He's written as a totally believable "smart thirteen-year-old," a totally believable "ruthless guerrilla tactician," and a totally believable "hurt and traumatized boy," and that is not easy to do.

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

And he would be absolutely in love with Rachel completely, if he wasn't so obviously terrified of her.

He probably is in love with Rachel, honestly; besides constantly talking about how hot she is, he quietly hints that, in his assessment, she's the only one on his level intelligence-wise (which, IMO, is why Marco seems to get extra angry when Rachel fucks up: she's the one of them who he really does think should know better). But he's smart enough to know that that would never go anywhere, partly, yes, because he's terrified of her. Besides, it's clear that his crush on Jake is stronger, even if it's never more than subtext. Maybe Ax, too, by the end.

# ? Jun 27, 2020 02:35

CidGregor: Sep 27, 2009; TG: if i were you i would just take that fucking devilbeast out behind the woodshed and blow its head off

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

And he would be absolutely in love with Rachel completely, if he wasn't so obviously terrified of her.

NGL, the Marco/Rachel thing is legit my favorite subplot in Megamorphs 4.

# ? Jun 27, 2020 03:51

bones 4 beginners: Jan 7, 2018; "...a masterpiece that no one can read too often, or admire too much."

To whoever mentioned pokemorphs so many pages back, I just wanna tell you that no you are not alone. I made a comic of that in 3rd grade with my friends at the time.

I also wanted to say that I realized where KA Applegate got the name Dak Hamee from when I was stocking shelves at the store I worked at when I was like 22.

# ? Jun 27, 2020 05:39

Avalerion: Oct 19, 2012

This is my favorite narrator so far yea. Has the most personality and the snark is fun.

# ? Jun 27, 2020 07:14

chitoryu12: Apr 24, 2014

Is this the book with the ants?

# ? Jun 27, 2020 18:37

QuickbreathFinisher: Sep 28, 2008; by reading this post you have agreed to form a gay socialist micronation.
`

chitoryu12 posted:

Is this the book with the ants?

This is extremely the book with the ants

# ? Jun 27, 2020 19:56

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 23, 2024 13:04

Radio Free Kobold: Aug 11, 2012; "Federal regulations mandate that at least 30% of our content must promote Reptilian or Draconic culture. This is DJ Scratch N' Sniff with the latest mermaid screeching on KBLD..."

QuickbreathFinisher posted:

This is extremely the book with the ants

# ? Jun 27, 2020 20:08

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

«‹›236 »