Jazerus posted:

cube kid cube kid!!! watch where you're going, cube kid *stuffs ur head in a toilet*

Epicurius posted:

In all likelihood, shaking him down in his class, where they don't have a right to be, won't get them the cube, it will just get them in trouble. It will probably also bring the cube to the attention of Mr. Chapman (because it's the object being fought over), who'll recognize it for what it is, or at least recognize the Andalite writing on it, and now the Yeerks have the cube.

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

The Andalite writing, at least.

ANOTHER SCORCHER posted:

The whole school loves Cube Kid, a friendly kid who carries a cube!
*5 seconds later*

Bobulus posted:

I have not read this book before, but you all have mentioned a 'David' enough times that I'm sure I'm in for a ride.

Fuschia tude posted:

I just picked up one of the Alternamorphs recently. You guys weren't kidding about it being bad—not the writing, but the interactive design of it. I'm not sure the author had ever read a CYOA book

Pwnstar posted:

This is like a kid randomly walking around with the nuclear launch code or something, maintaining your cover is no longer a priority.

freebooter posted:

Obviously the Yeerks would love to get their hands on it, but it raises an interesting question: unless they can reverse engineer the whole technology from it, the only way to spread the morphing power to other Yeerks with it is via someone who already has the morphing power, like how Elfangor gave it to the kids. There's only one Yeerk who does. Would he be keen on giving up that exclusive status?

freebooter posted:

Obviously the Yeerks would love to get their hands on it, but it raises an interesting question: unless they can reverse engineer the whole technology from it, the only way to spread the morphing power to other Yeerks with it is via someone who already has the morphing power, like how Elfangor gave it to the kids. There's only one Yeerk who does. Would he be keen on giving up that exclusive status?

quote:

We were in the barn. Cassie’s barn. Also known as the Wildlife Rehabilitation Clinic. Cassie’s parents are both veterinarians. And she’s very into animals, too.

In fact, while the rest of us were busy panicking, she was calmly shoving pills down the throat of an enormous swan.

“How did that blue box manage to survive?” Rachel demanded. “The Yeerks Draconed Elfangor’s fighter till it was dust. We were there. We watched it happen.”

We all turned to look at Ax. Sometimes Ax doesn’t attend meetings. But we needed him here for this one. He was in his own, fabulously strange Andalite body: blue and tan fur, weak arms, too many fingers, four hooves, nasty bull-whip tail, no mouth, and two extra eyeballs mounted on stalks that look this way and that.

Ax is our expert on all alien weirdness. What with being a weird alien himself.

“What do you think happened, Ax?” Jake asked him.

<I do not know,> Ax said, using Andalite thought-speak.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Rachel said. “Is there something special about those blue boxes, like they can’t be destroyed by Dracon beams?”

<No. It could be destroyed by a Dracon beam. All I can suggest is that maybe it was a simple incident of random chance.>

“Is that Andalite-ese for a freak accident?” I asked.

<Yes. The Dracon beam striking my brother’s fighter would have created explosive pressures. Perhaps this pressure simply hurled the Escafil Device away at high speed.>

<The what?> Tobias asked.

Tobias was in his usual place: up in the rafters where he can see out through the hayloft. Tobias is one of us, but not exactly one of us. He’s what the Andalites call a nothlit. That’s a person who’s been trapped in a morph because they stayed in it for more than two hours. Long story.

Anyway, Tobias is a red-tailed hawk. And during these little get-togethers he uses his laser focus hawk eyes and excellent hawk hearing to make sure no one sneaks up on us without our knowing it.

<It is called an Escafil Device. Actually, it has a number of names. Escafil was the inventor of morphing technology. You know, the science behind it is quite incredible. The device causes a cascading cellular regeneration tied to a Z-space ->

“We so do not care!” I said. “It can cascade all over its Z-space for all I care. The point is, this thing, this box, this device, this morphing cube, currently belongs to some kid named David who thinks I’m an idiot!”

quote:

Rachel nodded thoughtfully. “Well, if he thinks Marco’s an idiot he can’t be all bad.” She batted her eyelashes at me to show she was kidding.

I love it when she does that.

“We need to get this box,” I said.

“Yep,” Jake agreed. “We do.”

“Before he figures out what it is,” Cassie said, speaking up for the first time. “And more important, before the Yeerks discover he has it.”

I took a good, long look at Cassie. See, there was this little episode with Cassie. She quit the Animorphs because I guess she had problems with some of the stuff we have to do.

She came back, of course. But since then I’d felt a little shaky around her. Cassie has way too many morals and ethics. She’s always wondering whether something is right or wrong. Me, I just wonder “will it work? or not.”

I was thinking of something snide to say to Cassie, but I decided to keep my mouth shut. Cassie has saved my life more than once. You cut a person a lot of slack when they’ve saved your life.

“Okay, so we need information,” Jake said. “We need to know where this kid lives, most of all. Then we go in and get the blue box.”

<And we have to be careful not to let the kid even suspect what’s going on,> Tobias said.

“And obviously we have to be careful not to hurt David,” Jake said. “He’s an innocent bystander.”

“No problem-o,” Rachel said. “He’s not a Hork-Bajir, he’s not a Taxxon, and he’s not Visser Three. Us versus some kid from school? Puh-leeze. It’s a walk in the park.”

Normally, I have a superstition about ever saying something is going to be easy. But this time, even I didn’t worry.

Now I have a new superstition: Anytime I’m not worried, I worry.

quote:

We waited in the outdoor seating area of a Burger King down the street. Just four of us. Ax would have been slightly obvious, and there was no way to trust him in human morph anywhere near grease and salt. Tobias was off scouting out David’s house.

It was night, but there was plenty of light: cars driving by, a weird glow from the used car lot across the street, and the big Burger King sign itself.

It was chilly, so we were dressed warmly. Kind of a problem, since, if we were going to morph, we’d lose our clothes. So we’d worked out a plan. Two of us would stay behind, one boy, one girl.

We’d shed the outer clothes in the rest rooms, then the two who were staying back would hold onto them.

It is so annoying not being able to morph outer clothing.

“Short french fry stays here,” I said. I broke two french fries in half.

I put one short fry and one long in my fist. “All right, Jake. Grab a fry.”

He pulled out a short one.

“Looks like I’m going and you are pulling bathroom duty,” I said cheerfully.

Cassie and Rachel drew, too. Rachel won. Or lost, depending on your point of view.

“You and me, Xena,” I said.

Rachel arched one eyebrow at me. “You know, if I’m Xena, what’s that make you?”

“Hercules, obviously.”
“
I was thinking more Joxer. Isn’t that the annoying weenie who hangs around Xena?”

quote:

“Okay, that does it.” I stuck my elbow up on the table, arm upright in the arm-wrestling position. “Let’s go. Come on, let’s settle this once and for all.”

Jake yawned. “Shouldn’t we have a pair of live scorpions to make it interesting?”

Rachel grinned and stuck her arm up alongside mine. Our hands clasped. I pushed. She pushed.

And then …

“Ow!” A sudden, sharp pain in my knee.

An instant later my hand slammed down on the table.

“You kicked me! She kicked me under the table! Jake, your cousin kicked me!”

Rachel laughed. “Who cares how you win as long as you win?”

Cassie rolled her eyes. “You don’t really believe that, Rachel. No, wait a minute, you probably do.”

“Good grief, the two of you off alone on this mission?” Jake muttered. “Instead of Dumb and Dumber it’s Crazy and Crazier.”

Rachel and I looked at each other and both burst out laughing.

“Crazy and Crazier” Rachel repeated, deliberately laughing crazily.

“Yeah, but which of us is which?”

I looked up and saw a kid walking toward us. He was carrying a burger bag.

I got serious in a hurry. “Erek,” I said to Jake.

Erek King is this kid who used to go to our school. At least, that’s what he looks like, acts like, and sounds like. But every part of Erek you see is a holographic projection. The real Erek is inside the hologram. The real Erek is an android.

Erek is one of the Chee, a very, very old race of androids created by the long-dead Pemalites. The Chee are unable to commit any violent act, despite being frighteningly powerful. But they hate the Yeerks and love humans. Or, actually, they love dogs, and they love humans because we love dogs,
too.

Another long story.

Bottom line is that the Chee are allies of ours who are amazingly good at infiltrating the Yeerks.

“Hey, Erek,” Jake said calmly. Rachel nodded. Cassie smiled.

“Hi, guys, what’s up?” Erek said, sounding exactly like any normal kid, rather than a robot so old he helped build the pyramids.

“Not much,” I said, cutting off Cassie before she could explain what we were up to. We trust the Chee, but there’s no point giving out any more information than is necessary.

I’m suspicious by nature.

“What’s up with you, Erek?” Jake asked.

Erek took out a Whopper and unwrapped it. He took a big bite and chewed it. I knew that in reality the food would simply be incinerated inside Erek’s android body.

“No cheese?” I asked him.

He shook his head and grinned. “I try and keep my fat intake down.”

“Yeah. Right. You want to live to the ripe old age of, what, a billion years?”

Erek laughed again. Then he put down the burger. “Something big is happening. No one knows about this yet. It’s not going to be announced publicly till it’s all over. For security reasons.”

“What’s happening?” Rachel asked eagerly, leaning forward.

“Oh, nothing much,” the android said coyly. “Just a summit meeting right here in town. The presidents or prime ministers of Britain, France, Russia, Japan, Germany, and the United States are all coming here to figure out what to do about all the problems in the Middle East.”

“Uh-huh,” Rachel said, unimpressed. “So?”

“It’s the ultimate target,” Cassie said. “The leaders of six powerful nations? All in one place at one time? Right here, where the Yeerk invasion is strongest?”

Jake leaned closer to Erek. “You have any reason to believe the Yeerks are thinking about going after all these guys?”

Erek nodded. “The planning is under way. The presidents and prime ministers start arriving daym after tomorrow. They’ll be staying at the big Marriott resort down the coast.”

“This could be an opportunity,” Cassie said thoughtfully. “If we could reach these leaders somehow, show them, prove to them what’s happening … I mean, the Yeerks could be totally exposed.”

“And on the flip side, if the Yeerks make Controllers of these guys, that’s the ball game, we’re done,” I pointed out.

“One big problem,” Erek said.

“Just one?” I said.

“Okay, lots of big problems, and one huge problem,” Erek said, not smiling his holographic smile. “One of the leaders is already a Controller. Make the wrong move, approach the wrong leader, and … “

He let it hang.

“You don’t know which leader is the Controller?” Jake asked.

Erek shook his head. “If we did, it’d just be a big problem, not a huge one.”

freebooter posted:

Also, does anyone else find it weird that Ax doesn't always attend their meetings? Marco says so here, there was a book recently where he didn't show up to one, and I think he didn't bother to come on a mission back in 14 or something. What else does he have to be doing?

freebooter posted:

I can't believe KA just ejected Canada from her faux G7.

ANOTHER SCORCHER posted:

“A simple incident of random chance” that results in a critical weapon being preserved for later use sure sounds like Ellimist fuckery.

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

dungeon cousin posted:

I wonder if the Yeerks know what an Escafil device looks like and if they knew Elfangor would have one.

freebooter posted:

In my opinion Cinnabon doesn't actually exist, because it seems ludicrous to have such a hyper-specialised store and because in all the vast amounts of American pop culture I've consumed in my life, I've only seen it referenced in two things: Animorphs and Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul.

freebooter posted:

In my opinion Cinnabon doesn't actually exist, because it seems ludicrous to have such a hyper-specialised store and because in all the vast amounts of American pop culture I've consumed in my life, I've only seen it referenced in two things: Animorphs and Breaking Bad/Better Call Saul.

quote:

Erek left and the four of us just sat there staring at each other. None of us wanted to think about a world where the presidents of the United States and most of the other major powers were slaves of the Yeerks.

We’d have to try and stop them.

“Okay, one thing at a time,” Jake said. “We deal with this blue box situation first.”

Suddenly, I felt something pass by overhead. Tobias swooped over and landed on the “R” in Burger King.

<No problem,> he reported. <Kid’s window is wide open. I can see the blue box sitting on his desk. In and out. I’d have just done it myself, but you said to report back.>

Jake nodded like he was nodding to me. Thought-speak only works when you’re in morph.

Tobias could do it. We couldn’t.

Tobias cocked his head and stared harder. <Okay, who died? You all look like you just got news that school vacation’s been canceled. Never mind, tell me later.>

In a conversational tone of voice Jake said, “Okay, well, let’s get this over with. Rachel and Marco? Let’s go.”

We went inside, looking like any normal group of kids. Me and Jake went to the men’s room. It was a small, single-stall room. There was no one else in there. We locked the door.

I shucked off my sweatshirt. “Don’t lose that shirt,” I said. “It was signed by Steve Young.”

“Marco, it was signed like two years ago and you’ve washed it at least once since then. The name is totally invisible now.”

“I didn’t say it was still signed, did I? I said it was signed. It has sentimental value.”

Jake looked around at the gloomy surroundings. “Just part of the glamour of life as a superhero.”

“Yeah, what happened to those big, walk-in phone booths the old Superman always changed in?”

“You know, I still just can’t get used to the new Superman,” Jake said.

quote:

I began to focus on the morph. This was an airmail job. Bird-time. In through the window, snatch up the box, and zoom right back out.

No problem-o, as Rachel had said. Nothing to worry about, especially when compared to what Erek had just told us.

I was very familiar with the morph, an osprey. Ospreys are a kind of hawk. Normally they live near water and eat fish. Very rarely do they hang out in men’s bathrooms at Burger King.

I focused my mind and began to shrink. The urinal was suddenly eye level and Jake was looking even larger than usual.

Bomp! Bomp! Bomp! At the door.

“There’s someone in here!” Jake yelled.

I continued morphing. My skin turned gray. Gray like a dirty chalkboard. Like I’d been dead for a couple of weeks. It’s very disturbing to look down and see your skin turn gray, let me tell you.

But not as disturbing as when the feather patterns appear like line drawings and then sort of flake up, going 3D.

My fingers stretched out, elongating compared to the rest of my hands and arms. As they elongated, though, they slipped right out of the skin so that they became dry, white, bird-bone.

“Eeeewww!” Jake said, laughing in disgust. “That’s something new!”

“Oh, man, I don’t need to ever see that again!” I said.

Morphing is very unpredictable. It’s not just this sort of gradual thing. It goes through phases. Sudden, bizarre, totally gross-looking stages.

The bare bones thing was something new. And deeply, deeply not pretty.

Bomp! Bomp! Bomp! Bomp! Bomp!

“Is someone in there?” a voice demanded.

“Yeah, someone is in here!” Jake yelled. “Jeez!”

“Come outta there, right now!”

“What?” Jake demanded.

“Whackl?” I demanded, having just that moment had my lips turn into hard beak.

“Are you kids in there doing drugs?” the voice demanded.

“No!” Jake looked down at me, exasperated. “Hurry up.”

“GET OUT HERE, NOW!”

A new voice. A very authoritative voice. I heard the sound of a key turning in the lock.

“Stop morphing!” Jake hissed. “Stand up straight and keep quiet!”

I stood there, about ninety percent osprey. I was maybe two feet tall, standing on my talons.

Jake swept the sweatshirt over me. He pulled the hood over my head and yanked the string.

The door opened. Two people stood there, glaring at us. A teenager in a Burger King uniform. And a manager.

“I’m just trying to let my little brother go to the bathroom,” Jake said, patting me on the shoulder.

The kid and the man both looked down at me. I was standing inside a sweatshirt that was so huge

it lay in folds around my feet. Which was a good thing, since my feet were talons. The arms hung limp.

“Your little brother?” the manager asked. “Why’s his sweatshirt so big?”

“Hey, that sweatshirt was signed by Steve Young!” Jake said. Like that was an explanation.

“Something’s wrong with his face!” the kid said.

Jake put his arm around me protectively. “Don’t listen to them, Tommy,” he said, with a sob in his voice. “Your face is just fine! It’s just fine, I tell you! The doctors say someday you may be normal again.”

“Hey, I didn’t mean anything by … ” the kid said.

“What is it?” the manager asked in a concerned tone. “I mean, his disease.”

Jake went blank. “Um … “

<Beakanoma,> I whispered to Jake in thought-speak.

“Beakanoma,” Jake said.

<A growth in the shape of a beak,> I explained.

“It’s a, uh, a growth in the shape of a beak,” Jake said.

<It’s especially tragic and all because it only afflicts really smart, really cute people,> I said.

“Oh, shut up,” Jake muttered under his breath.

Jake hustled me away. As fast as I could walk on talons while wearing a massive sweatshirt.

quote:

David lived in a basic kind of home: two stories, a lawn, a backyard with a barbecue and a rusty swing set. Also a pool.

I was instantly jealous. I don’t have a pool.

He had one of the upstairs bedrooms.

Tobias, Rachel, and I zoomed past the house at an altitude of fifty feet or so. I could see why

Tobias doesn’t like to fly at night. In the darkness hawk eyes aren’t much better than human eyes. And after the sun goes down you start losing the thermals, the warm updrafts that make flying easier.

So it was hard flapping to cover the few blocks from Burger King to David’s house. And talk about confusing. You ever tried to tell one house from the next at night? From fifty feet in the air? Not easy. But the pool was lit, and in fact, David was in the water, swimming back and forth.

His room was brightly lit, which helped us see, and I easily spotted the blue cube on his desk.

<Okay, I’m going in!> Rachel said.

<Uh-uh, I don’t think so,> Tobias said. <You’re too big in that bulky eagle morph. You can’t fly through that window. Me and Marco had better go.>

<Oh, man!> Rachel complained. But even she could see Tobias was right.

<Give us a warning if David gets out of the pool,> Tobias said. Then he spilled air from his wings and stabilized on a glide path, straight for the bright rectangle of the window.

But I managed to get out ahead of him. <Hah!> I said.

<Marco! Careful if you’re going first. You’ll need to flare as soon as you pass the windowsill. I mean instantly, or you’ll smack the far wall.>

<Hey, I’m not as experienced as you are, Tobias, but I’m not a complete idiot.>

<No, you’re an incomplete idiot!> Rachel called down helpfully.

I zoomed, down, down through the night, aimed straight for that window. It was cool. Like what it must be like to land a jet on an aircraft carrier at night.

Just a little, glowing target in the darkness.

<Make sure you stay clear of that stick,> Tobias said. He was just six feet behind me.

<What stick?> I asked, and then the window was suddenly right in front of me! It was a trick of the light! It had seemed farther away.

I tried to slow down, ready to flare once I was in. And then I saw the stick. The stick that was propping the window open.

Thwack! My left wing hit the stick.

<Wha!> I yelled.

BLAM! The window fell shut with a horrendous slam.

Bonk! Tobias hit the closed window.

BONK! I hit the wall, too distracted to flare.

I hit, I fell, I landed behind a dresser. I was wedged in a space of about three inches, unable to move. All I could do was slowly slither down to the carpet.

<Tobias!> Rachel cried.

<I’m okay,> Tobias said. <Professor Plum did it in the conservatory with the candlestick!>

Tobias was alive. But he must have hit fairly hard. He seemed to be reliving a game of Clue. I wasn’t exactly in great shape myself. I scooted sideways, inch by inch.

“Mrrrrrr-ooowwwrr!”

Uh-oh.

I scooted faster. Faster, desperate to get out from behind the dresser.

I felt something batting at my exposed talons. I knew what it was.

One wing free! Then my body. And then …

“Hhhhsssssssss!” the kitty said.

The very big kitty. The big, gray tabby, with its mouth drawn back from needle teeth.

<Good kitty,> I said. <Gooood kitty.>

The kitty didn’t like big birds in its bedroom. And it really didn’t like big talking birds in its bedroom.

“MmmmrrrrOOOOWWWWWRRR!” Kitty said, explaining its feelings to me.

<Miss Scarlet? Was it Miss Scarlet with the plum in the professor?> Tobias wondered.

<Marco! Get out of there!> Rachel yelled. <I saw a cat.>

<Yeah. I kind of noticed him,> I said.

We’ve all seen house cats. I’ve seen lots of house cats. But they look radically different when you’re a bird. Even a big, tough, predatory bird.

Slash!

The cat swiped at my wing, claws extended.

<Okay, Mr. Kitty, you want to do this? You want to throw down? Fine. I’ll kick your butt!>

Mr. Kitty was not impressed. Mr. Kitty jumped. He went from being two feet away to being zero feet away in just about a billionth of a second.

<Aaaaahhhh!> I yelled.

“MrrrOOOOWWW-hsssssss!” the cat said.

Suddenly it was a wild tangle of claws and talons and beaks and teeth and I swear we must have looked like one of those cartoons where Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam are fighting and all you see is swirling dust and cartoon stars.

We fell apart, glaring and panting at each other. I had gotten in a few good hits. But Mr. Kitty was fast. And Mr. Kitty had clawed my belly down to the skin, bitten me in the neck, wing, other wing, and left leg. All in approximately six seconds.

I wasn’t up for a second round. I did not want my obituary to say “died from injuries sustained while battling a fat house cat.” That would be embarrassing.

I could demorph. Or I could escape.

Out through the shut window? No.

Through the closed door? No.

Which left demorphing.

Except that right then Rachel decided to rescue me.

CRASH!

The window exploded! In blew a rock, followed by a massive bald eagle, wings folded.

She flared. Her wings practically stretched from wall to wall. She landed on the bed.

“Rooowwwrr!” Mr. Kitty said in a very surprised voice.

<Come on, let’s bail!> Rachel yelled.

And that’s when the door slammed open. In came David. The cat screeched and leaped onto the curtains beside the window.

<Out the door!> Rachel said.

<I’m with you!> I said. <We have to grab that cube!>

<I’ll distract David. You grab it!> Rachel said. She began flapping her wings madly and lashing all around with her talons.

“Whoa!” David yelled.

Rachel began tearing up the pillows. Feathers fluttered around the room. The cat was climbing toward the ceiling. I hopped and flapped over to the desk. The cube! There it was!

David lurched to the desk, like he was going to attack me. But instead he yanked open a drawer and whipped out …

<A gun! A gun? This kid has a gun?!> I yelped.

From far off I heard, <Actually, Miss Scarlet, I think you should have used the wrench.>

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

JFC Tobias TAKE SOME drat INITIATIVE THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT

Fuschia tude posted:

Jake's Mr. Bigtime Leaderman. If he wanted Tobias to take the cube if he saw the chance and not just recon and report straight back he should have said so.