Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

«‹›236 »

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

SardonicTyrant posted:

That said, skunks only spray if they feel threatened. Otherwise they're pretty friendly animals. Some people even adopt them as pets.

I knew someone as a kid with a pet skunk and it was very friendly. They're very cat-like in disposition, and as you noted only spray if they're terrified.

The main obstacles to seeing skunks as pets more commonly, really, is that they haven't been studied very thoroughly as pets when it comes to medical and nutrition issues, and vets experienced at removing the scent glands are pretty rare.

# ? Sep 17, 2020 12:43

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 14:34

Bobulus: Jan 28, 2007

When discussing skunks, I like to bring up what a Jesuit from 1630 thought of it:

quote:

The other is a low animal, about the size of a little dog or cat. I mention it here, not on account of its excellence, but to make of it a symbol of sin. I have seen three or four of them. It has black fur, quite beautiful and shining; and has upon its back two perfectly white stripes, which join near the neck and tail, making an oval which adds greatly to their grace. The tail is bushy and well furnished with hair, like the tail of a Fox; it carries it curled back like that of a Squirrel. It is more white than black; and, at the first glance, you would say, especially when it walks, that it ought to be called Jupiter's little dog. But it is so stinking, and casts so foul an odor, that it is unworthy of being called the dog of Pluto. No sewer ever smelled so bad. I would not have believed it if I had not smelled it myself. Your heart almost fails you when you approach the animal; two have been killed in our court, and several days afterward there was such a dreadful odor throughout our house that we could not endure it. I believe the sin smelled by Saint Catherine de Sienne must have had the same vile odor.

# ? Sep 17, 2020 14:05

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Cythereal posted:

I knew someone as a kid with a pet skunk and it was very friendly. They're very cat-like in disposition, and as you noted only spray if they're terrified.

You know, I know a pet some people have that's cat-like in disposition and doesn't spray a nauseating spray at someone when they're frightened.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 01:31

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Epicurius posted:

You know, I know a pet some people have that's cat-like in disposition and doesn't spray a nauseating spray at someone when they're frightened.

sounds like a dumb pet

get a dog

# ? Sep 18, 2020 01:44

ninjahedgehog: Feb 17, 2011; It's time to kick the tires and light the fires, Big Bird.

Piell posted:

You've got it wrong, Cassie lies to her mom that NIN stands for Nice is Neat so that she can get the CD

You guys are both kind of right, IIRC: Cassie lied to her mom that it stood for Nice Is Neat, and she regrets it because her mom is giving a nature talk at the school and she's terrified that her mom will try to sound cool by dropping references to kids' favorite bands, like Nice Is Neat.

Literally no idea how that little tiidbit's stuck with me for more than 20 years.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 01:45

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

It was Marco's idea now I think about it

# ? Sep 18, 2020 01:48

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

The Secret-Chapter 23

quote:

They ran. The human-Controllers, the Hork-Bajir, and Visser Three. They ran from the horror of my skunk smell.

I waddled as far as the doorway.

I saw an amazing scene. The force field was still on. Three massive tree-cutters, diesel engines roaring and billowing smoke, were straining against the force field like mad dogs on a leash.

Inside the force field, the totally demoralized Yeerk forces.

Outside the force field, a bizarre zoo - a tiger, a grizzly bear, a gorilla. And something no human zoo had ever held - an Andalite.

Jake, Rachel, Marco, and Ax.

Around the clearing, a handful of human-Controllers and Hork-Bajir warriors sat nursing wounds. Some were just lying in the dirt.

It was a weird and tense scene. If the force field came down, the tractors and tree-cutters would hit the building within seconds.
On the other hand, even though they were reeking of skunk smell, and staggering and halfblind,
the forces inside the field were stronger than Jake, Rachel, Marco, and Ax.

Of course, if the tree-cutters hit the building, they would probably kill Farrand. The Yeerks didn�t want that. Neither did we, but Visser Three didn�t know that.

<What happened?> Jake asked me in a private thought-speak whisper.

<I sprayed them,> I said. <They didn�t like it.>

I�m pretty sure tigers can�t normally smile. But I could have sworn Jake did.

Jake must have privately told Ax what happened. Ax was the only one we could trust to speak to Visser Three. He was the only true Andalite.

<Visser,> Ax said. <It seems to me that we have a standoff.>

<Don�t try to bargain with me, fool,> Visser Three sneered. <I have forces on the way.>

Ax nodded. <I wonder how your Blade ship will smell after you spread your newly acquired stench through it?>

<The smell � it will go away,> the Visser said.

�Visser, my human host has a memory of -� one of the human-Controllers began to say.

The Visser�s tail blade snapped through the air. It pressed against the human-Controller�s throat. A twitch would send the Controller�s head flying.

<Do not interrupt me,> the Visser said calmly. <You were saying?> he asked Ax.

A bad boss doesn't value his subordinates' talents and experience.

quote:

<The smell would go away in about seven Earth days � if you were in the open air,> Ax said calmly. <In a spacecraft? Airtight, closed up, cramped? You�ll never lose the smell. Ever. However � thanks to Andalite chemical technology there is a way to remove the stench. Let the human Farrand go free. He�s unconscious and hasn�t seen what you are. Let him go, we�ll give you the secret of neutralizing the stench, and we all walk away.>
<I�ll dispose of you myself!> the Visser shrieked. <Andalite filth!>

<Visser, we both know how impossible it is to remove a smell once it gets into a spacecraft. You would need a full refitting at a major space dock. Your Blade ship would be intolerable.>

Visser Three just stood there. Just stood there and stared. His stalk eyes drooped a little. <Get the human,> he muttered to his Hork-Bajir.

�Visser �� one Hork-Bajir moaned, clearly reluctant to go back where the smell was even stronger.

<This has not been a good day for me,> Visser Three said. <Would you really like to feel as bad as I do?>

The two Hork-Bajir went back inside and very quickly reappeared, dragging Farrand. They dropped him in the dirt.

<Have one of your men drive him to the nearest human hospital. When he is safe, we will tell you the secret. And no tricks. We�ll be watching,> Ax rolled his stalk eyes skyward. Visser Three followed the direction of his gaze, and saw, high in the sky, a bird of prey with a rust-red tail.

<You do realize that one day I will have you all,> Visser Three said. <With all your clever tricks, I will still find you.>

<No, I do not think so,> Ax said. <We are sure to smell you coming.>

So, unfortunately, the tomato juice thing doesn't really do anything against skunk smell. It just basically covers it up.

The Secret-Chapter 24

quote:

The Yeerks drove Farrand to the hospital. Once we knew he was safe, Ax told Visser Three how a certain kind of juice would help get rid of the skunk smell.

The Visser was still screaming when we disappeared into the woods.

The next day, Jake, Marco, Rachel, Ax, and I were able to bring the skunk mother back to her den. She waddled inside, and a few minutes later, waddled back out followed by Joey, Johnnie, Marky, and C.J.

They ignored the four humans and the Andalite completely. After all, mother skunk was back with her kits. And mother skunk wasn�t afraid of anything.

�They grow up so fast,� Rachel said, as they shuffled and snuffled and waddled past us in single file.

�I guess the real mother skunk will give them different names,� Marco said. He was joking. I think.

�Well, anyway, the forest is safe for baby skunks now,� Jake said.

Jake had morphed a housefly to spy on Farrand in the hospital. The commissioner was fine. The first thing he did when he regained full consciousness was make a phone call to say that he was voting against logging in the forest.

In fact, according to Jake, Farrand swore he�d never, ever even listen to another word from Dapsen Lumber. And there was a good chance he�d press charges.

It also seemed, according to Farrand, that even the animals of the forest had risen up against the loggers. He claimed that he himself had been visited by the spirit of a giant skunk with the eyes of a human girl.

�Have a good life, little skunks,� Marco said to the skunk family. Tiny, furry little masters of the forest. Everyone was smiling and looking pretty pleased with themselves. But I was still confused.

As we walked toward home back through the forest, Jake hung back with me, letting the others move ahead.

�You don�t seem all that happy,� Jake said. �You miss being a skunk mommy?�

I smiled. �No. I mean, yes, a little. But that�s not it.�

�So? So what�s bothering you?�

I shrugged. �Nothing makes sense to me. Tobias eats one of the skunk kits, then he helps save the rest. I kill the termite queen to save myself and my friends, then I feel bad about it. But when it came down to it again, I went after Visser Three without hesitation. One minute I was a rat being chased by
guys with sticks, the next minute I�m bringing dead mice to Tobias, who�s guarding skunks he would normally have tried to eat. Somehow it�s part of the same big system. How does it all make sense?�

Jake looked like he was sorry he started the conversation. �Um � boy, Cassie, I don�t know.�

�Okay, just tell me this. Am I a part of nature, so I should just live by the laws of nature, kill to eat, kill or be killed? Or am I something different because I�m a human?�

We walked in silence while Jake thought it over. I felt sorry for him. I know he�d rather have been discussing Spiderman versus Batman with Marco.

�Well, I guess you�re both,� Jake said at last. �I mean, you are the person who got rid of the termite queen. You�re also the person who went out of her way to save a bunch of skunks. Just like Tobias ate a skunk kit one day, then saved them the next.�

�That�s not much help,� I said. �That just means humans are kind of inbetween - still partly wild animals, doing whatever it takes to survive, and partly � partly I don�t know what. Maybe something more than the other animals.�

�Well, I know one thing. All the animals take care of themselves. But only one animal has the intelligence and the power to help save all the other species.�

I nodded. �You�re pretty smart sometimes, Jake,� I said.

�Just sometimes?�

�You�re right. Only one animal can help to save all the other animals. Only humans can do that. Of course, we have to save ourselves first.� I sighed. �It�s still too complicated.�

So we end (almost) on a philosophical debate

quote:

I saw a shadow flash overhead. I looked up and saw Tobias. He dropped down into the trees and reappeared on a branch just up the trail.

�Hi, Tobias,� I called up to him.

<Hi, Cassie. Hello everyone. Hello, hello, hello.> He was definitely feeling pretty smug about something.

�What�s up, Bird-boy?� Marco asked him.

<I�ve just been checking on our friends at the logging camp. They now have two entire truckloads of juice. They�ve made trip after trip for juice. They dug out a big pit in the ground and made a kind of swimming pool filled with the stuff. Visser Three�s been in it most of the night and all this morning. Judging by the way everyone is staying back, I�m guessing he still stinks.>

<Plus,> Tobias added with a slightly evil laugh, <the Visser is now a very lovely, attractive shade of purple.>

�Gee, that�s too bad,� Rachel said. �I feel so sorry for him.�

<Soon he may begin to suspect the truth,> Ax said.

�Think maybe we should have told him the truth? That it�s tomato juice, not grape juice that washes away skunk smell?� I asked.

We all looked at each other, and broke up laughing at the same moment.

�Nah, I didn�t think so,� I said.

And that's The Secret. Not the best book, but it had its moments.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 01:52

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Bobulus posted:

When discussing skunks, I like to bring up what a Jesuit from 1630 thought of it:

This is tremendous

# ? Sep 18, 2020 02:22

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

I may have missed it, but I could have sworn that there was a bit where Cassie falls asleep cuddling her skunks and Jake loses his poo poo at her because she almost got stuck in morph. Maybe that's in a later book.

Also, haters be damned, this is a tremendous line.

quote:

<This has not been a good day for me,> Visser Three said. <Would you really like to feel as bad as I do?>

# ? Sep 18, 2020 02:31

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

I also adore Ax's final burn.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 02:47

ANOTHER SCORCHER: Aug 12, 2018

I really enjoyed the one, though the ending is a tad pat. I find Cassie�s philosophical moralizing and questioning to be genuinely interesting as someone who spent too much of their high school days arguing about that stuff with my friends. It also seems like something Applegate is authentically passionate about and it lends her authorial voice some credibility when writing from Cassie�s perspective.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 02:58

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

quote:

<This has not been a good day for me,> Visser Three said.

Animorphs.txt

# ? Sep 18, 2020 03:05

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Cassie is very much an author insert, I think. So is Marco, for Michael Grant.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 03:05

Acebuckeye13: Nov 2, 2010; If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling
1-800-GAMBLER; Ultra Carp

Spent pretty much my whole day off burning through this thread, it fuckin' rules. Animorphs was probably one of my favorite series when I was a kid, and I have very distinct memories of checking out the first two books that were on display in my school library when I was in 1st or 2nd grade. Loved those books.

Also, to go back two pages:

freebooter posted:

This does raise the amusing point of location. "I can't tell you where I live... except it's the United States, on the coast, with mountains and forest in close proximity..."

edit - did they mention it was state forest? I was never really clear on what that means, but I would assume it can't be national park if they're logging. I remember when I first drove across Australia being perplexed by the huge swathes of bushland in Western Australia which weren't marked on my roadmap as anything in particular. They weren't national parks, they weren't state forest, they were just... wilderness? Which I guess is national land by default? But I wouldn't think there's much of that going around in California.

So in the United States, there are a variety of what we call "Land Management Agencies." These are all government agencies that manage lands owned by the federal government, and include the National Park Service, Bureau of Land Management, US Forest Service, US Fish and Wildlife Service, the Army Corps of Engineers, and a few others. Each of these agencies have different purposes, and will manage lands in different ways�for instance, the National Park Service manages areas designated as National Parks, Monuments, Battlefields, Historic Sites, Seashores, Recreational Areas... stuff like that. The NPS mission is to preserve these sites for current and future generations, so generally speaking there's not going to be much in the way of logging or resource extraction (Though there are some historic exceptions�there was an active uranium mine on the rim of Grand Canyon until 1968, for instance), and large tracts of land are managed as pure "Wilderness"�a legal definition which effectively means nothing can be built there, and no vehicles are allowed.

National Forests, meanwhile, are operated by the US Forest Service, under the Department of Agriculture. Though these areas are under federal protection, these protections are less robust, and development, such as logging, can occur. But any development is going to take years of permitting processes and (likely) legal battles to go through, so realistically the Yeerks would have a hell of a time getting permission to clear-cut any significant portion of the forest before they flat-out took over the earth anyway.

(Also, as an extremely pedantic point that stems from when I was going through Book 3 this morning, all the rangers would be Forest Rangers, not Park Rangers. They wish they had our flat hats).

# ? Sep 18, 2020 07:05

disaster pastor: May 1, 2007

The ending really hurts this book for me. The grape juice thing is a sudden turn into sitcom-y Hijinks-with-the-Visser, "freeze-frame on everyone laughing, roll credits," and it's always annoyed me.

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

I may have missed it, but I could have sworn that there was a bit where Cassie falls asleep cuddling her skunks and Jake loses his poo poo at her because she almost got stuck in morph. Maybe that's in a later book.

No, you're right, it looks like we missed a chapter?

Epicurius posted:

Cassie is very much an author insert, I think.

This is true. (warning: reddit)

# ? Sep 18, 2020 12:03

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

disaster pastor posted:

No, you're right, it looks like we missed a chapter?

You're right. I did leave out a chapter. I'm sorry about that. Here's the extra secret, bonus (forgot it the first time), Chapter 16, before the rest of the agree to help her take care of the skunk kits.

quote:

I used my osprey morph and flew behind Tobias as he led me directly to the spot I had seen the night before. I carried the frozen grasshopper in my talons. I didn�t ask Tobias any questions, and he didn�t say anything.

He pointed out the almost-invisible entrance to the skunks� lair. And then he flew away. I knew he�d go to Jake and tell him what I was doing. And I knew that I had hurt Tobias by treating him so coldly.

But, to tell you the truth, I didn�t care right then. I just wanted to find those baby skunks. I don�t know why, but somehow in my mind those baby skunks had become very important.

When Tobias was out of sight, I began to morph.

It wasn�t a difficult morph. I kept eyes and ears and a mouth all the way through the change. Not like becoming a bug.

There was the now-familiar sensation of shrinking. And there was the surprise of having a huge, bushy tail growing from the base of my spine. But I had morphed a squirrel before. This was pretty close. But the fur was a new experience. Oh, I�d grown fur before, but never any so long and luxurious and dramatic. This was a regular fur coat, so to speak. Mostly black, but with an impressive swipe of white down my back and into my tail.

The senses of the skunk were nothing dramatic. The hearing was a little better than human, maybe. The sense of smell was good. The sight not as good as my own human vision. And the skunk�s body was not swift or strong. I shuffled and sort of waddled when I tried to walk. When I tried to run I just ended up waddling a little more.

My front paws could grasp and hold things, but they were far inferior to my own human hands. It was the skunk�s mind and instincts that seemed strangest of all. I�ve been inside minds that were all fear, or all hunger. Minds that were keyed up, like they lived on adrenaline.

But this mind, this package of instincts, was so � gentle. So unafraid. Not cocky and swaggering like a big cat, just unafraid.

I was an animal no bigger than a house cat. No sharp teeth or talons. And yet just about nothing in the forest messed with me. I felt the gentleness of absolute confidence.

I could hear the mewing sounds of the skunk kits within the burrow.

I waddled over to the opening and pushed my head inside. It was dark, but I could make out four of them. Tiny, helpless little things. No longer infants, but not yet able to defend themselves or hunt like skunks.

I know some people think animals don�t have emotions. But those kits were happy to see me. And something in the mind of the skunk was relieved and joyful to see them.

I retrieved the frozen grasshopper, now completely thawed. I crawled inside that little hole in the dirt. I curled around, and the kits nuzzled up against me. I fed them the grasshopper.

I knew I only had two hours in morph. But even though I had just gotten up a few hours earlier, I suddenly felt sleepy. The meal was done. The kits wouldn�t starve. And I was sleepy and very, very peaceful.

Even in my sleep I knew what was happening to me. See, I had always loved animals. Always.

But now, I think was falling out of love.

Nature wasn�t all cute and fuzzy. The strong ate the weak. The weak ate the weaker. It�s what the Yeerks were doing: trying to make prey out of the ultimate predator, Homo sapiens.

WHUMP!

�Hey! Hey! Are you in there? Cassie!�

I woke up. Where was I? It was dark. Was I in my bedroom? Was I � oh, no, was I in the termite colony?!

The four kits still slept, curled up against me. I was in the skunks� den.

<What?> I said.

�It�s me, Jake, Cassie, get out of there. Now! You�ve been in morph for almost two hours!�

That woke me up all the way. I shot out of the burrow and instantly began to demorph. Jake was standing there with Marco. Tobias was in the tree overhead.

I have seen Jake mad before. But I�d never seen him this mad. �What did you think you were doing?!� he yelled, without even waiting for me to become human. �You were ten minutes away from spending the rest of your life as a skunk!�

<I fell asleep,> I said. My mouth wasn�t formed yet.

�Are you out of your mind? What is the matter with you?� I�d never noticed that Jake has this vein that kind of pops out on his forehead when he�s furious.

�Look, I�m sorry,� I mumbled, as I finished demorphing.

He was a long way from forgiving me. �This is not why we have this ability. We are not trying to save every lost skunk in the world,� Jake ranted. �We are an army. A small, weak, pathetic, outnumbered army. We have exactly six members. Tobias has already been trapped in morph. But he was trapped fighting the Yeerks. I can�t believe you would nearly get yourself trapped in morph over some skunks!�

Marco stepped in and put a hand on Jake�s shoulder and kind of pulled him back. �Look, it�s okay, Jake. She�s okay.�

�Thanks to Tobias,� Jake snapped. �No thanks to her.�

I didn�t know what to say. I was too shocked. And to be honest, I was pretty horrified by what I�d almost done.

�Marco. Tobias. Take a walk, okay?� Jake said. Then he turned and stood with his face just inches from mine. �I know you had a real bad experience last night. I�ve been there. I�ve had the nightmares. I know what�s going on in your head right now.�

�I�m fine,� I muttered.

�Just shut up and listen to me,� he said. But the anger was gone now. �I care about you, Cassie. We all do. And we all need you.�

�To win?� I said. �You need me to fight battles? What if I don�t want to fight any more battles? What if I�ve had enough? I�ve done enough.�

�You�ve done far more than enough. A hundred times more than enough. But the Yeerks are still here.�

I shrugged. �The strong eat the weak,� I said. �It�s part of nature. Humans always win, other animals always lose. Maybe it�s our turn to lose.�

Jake nodded. �This isn�t about some race called humans. It�s about people we know. People we see every day. My brother, Tom, is one of them. So why don�t you go tell Tom it�s okay that he�s a slave of the Yeerks because it�s our turn to get hammered?�

He turned and walked away.

�Jake?�

He stopped.

�Jake? Um � my dad will have the skunk mother ready to be returned here in a day or so. I�m not going to just abandon these kits.�

He put his hands on his hips and glared at me. �You can�t stay in morph that long, and you know it.�

�I know. But I have to make sure no predators come around. I have to get them food. And I have to morph at least some of the time, so they can imprint on their mother here in the wild. Look � I know it seems stupid to you and Marco and probably everyone. But I have to do this.�

<I�ll watch them,> Tobias said.

I�d forgotten how good hawk hearing is.

�Tobias will keep watch. We�ll work something out,� Jake said. �We�ll save the lousy skunks. After all, it�s not like we have anything else to do. Aside from saving the world.�

�Thanks, Jake,� I said. �And � sorry. I didn�t mean to scare you. I�ll be okay now, I think.� He smiled his slow smile. �I�ll be okay, too, Cassie. As long as you�re around.�

From a little ways off to our left I heard Marco make a loud gagging noise. It made me laugh. I must have been feeling better, to be able to laugh.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 13:56

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Animorphs Book 10: The Android, Chapter 1

quote:

My name is Marco.

People call me Marco the Magnificent. Marvelous Marco. The Amazing Marco.

And of course, all the girls just call me � gorgeous. Okay, maybe I�ve never actually heard anyone call me gorgeous, but I am confident that someone, somewhere, must have called me gorgeous at some point.

Or not.

But definitely cute. I�ve heard �cute� with my own ears.

And I�ll soon be hearing it a lot more because I�ve made a major change. I�ve cut my hair. Or at least my stylist, Charise, cut it for me. That�s right, Charise. And according to Charise, my cuteness quotient has risen from a nine to a definite ten.

You're going to hear a lot about Marco's hair in this book. If you check the cover, you'll see they got a new model for Marco. The old model had long hair, but this kid had short hair. So, Marco got a haircut. And the book won't shut up about it

quote:

Anyway, where was I? Oh, yes. I was telling you that my name is Marco. I can�t tell you my last name. I forgot it.

No, not really, I�m kidding. I know my last name. I�m just not going to tell you. And I�m not going to tell you the complete names of my friends or where I live.

What I will tell you is the truth. All except for that part about �magnificent� and �marvelous.� Everything else I tell you will be true. I know it will seem incredible. But it will be the absolute truth.

Let�s start with the reason why I won�t tell you my last name: I have enemies. We all sorta do. But these guys are very powerful, very dangerous enemies. Not like the guy in your class who keeps calling you �dork-wad.� And if they knew who I was, I�d be dead so fast I wouldn�t even know I was dead. The Yeerks don�t play games. The Yeerks don�t worry about pity or kindness. They don�t care that I�m just a kid. The Yeerks plan to enslave or destroy the entire human race. They won�t hesitate to roll right over little old me.

The Yeerks aren�t just my enemies, though. They are the enemies of every human being. The enemies of Earth itself. And they are everywhere.

They�re a parasitic species. Think tapeworms. That�s what they are, when you get right down to it: intelligent tapeworms.

They are slugs, just a few inches long. They enter the human body through the ear canal. Once inside, they flatten themselves out and wrap themselves around your brain. They squeeze into all the folds and wrinkles of your brain and tie into your thoughts.

They take over. They make you into what we call a Controller. A human machine. A body whose own, true mind is shattered and helpless.

That�s the special horror of the Yeerks. They don�t just take over your mind and eliminate you. You continue to be aware. You continue to be conscious. You sit there in your own head watching the Yeerk open your memory, watching the Yeerk fool your friends and family, watching the Yeerk turn the people you love into the same kind of slave you�ve become.

You try to move your hand, but you can�t. You try to make your mouth speak, but you can�t. You don�t even control what your eyes look at. That�s what it�s like.

My mother is one of them. A Controller.

For a long time, we thought she had died. I believed she had drowned. But I learned later that
she was still alive.

A very powerful Yeerk had taken her body. I don�t even know how long she was a Controller before she disappeared. I don�t know how many times her good-night kiss was the action of a Yeerk trying to pass as a human.

She is Visser One now. A Visser is a sort of Yeerk warlord or general. Visser One launched the secret invasion of Earth. Visser Three is now in charge.

Visser One, in my mother�s head, took off after faking her death by drowning. She�s somewhere now � maybe millions of miles away.

No one knows about my mom but me and my best friend, Jake. I don�t want the others to know. I don�t want their pity.

The Yeerks are here. Everywhere. Not just my mother, but maybe yours, too. Maybe your teacher, maybe your best friend, maybe everyone around you. When you get together with family and friends, you may be the only one in the room who is not a Controller.

That�s why we fight them. We Animorphs.

I made up that word, by the way. Pretty cool, huh? Animorphs. Just popped into my head. Animal morpher.

See, not every alien in the universe is a Yeerk. The universe has its heroes, too. It was one dying, doomed Andalite who gave us our power to acquire the DNA of any animal and then to become that animal.

His name was Elfangor. He, and a lot of other Andalites, died trying to save Earth from the Yeerks.

So for him, and for all the people of Earth, we fight, hoping to slow the Yeerks down enough so that the Andalites will have a chance to come again and save us all.

Who is �we�? Well, there�s me, Marco the Magnificent.

Then, there�s Rachel-who-thinks-she�s-Xena: Warrior Princess. And there�s Tobias, the Birdboy. And Cassie, the tree-hugger. And Ax, our resident Andalite. And of course, our fearless leader, my boy, Jake.

Yet another synopsis of the series.

quote:

My way-too-serious best friend Jake.

Responsible, practically adult Jake.

Jake, who grinds my nerves with his total refusal to just have a good time.

�Look,� I said to Jake, �it�s not a crime or anything. There is absolutely no law against dogs going to outdoor concerts. They don�t have a ticket for dogs.�

�You know, Marco, the point of morphing is not for us to get into concerts,� Jake said.

We were walking down one of the streets of our subdivision. We�d shot some hoops down at the outdoor basketball court, and now Jake was dribbling the ball as we walked.

�Nine Inch Nails. Alanis. Offspring,� I said.

He stopped and stared at me. �Marco?�

�Yeah?�

�What happened to your hair, man?�

�You�re just noticing? Looks cool, huh?�

Jake just stared. �Offspring?� he asked. �You�re sure Offspring will be there?�

I could see him weakening. He was dribbling slower. �I hear they are so great live. They kick. They dominate. They crush all opposition under foot. They rule. They -�

�Marco, after I�ve criticized Rachel and Cassie for using morphing for personal reasons, I can�t just -��

Who�s going to tell them?� I argued. I ran my fingers through my new, shorter hair. It was cool looking. I wasn�t even going to pay attention to the way Jake just stared at it. It looked cool.

�I�d be a hypocrite,� Jake said.

I thought for a moment. �You know, Jake � I have long suspected that Alanis may be a Controller. And, as a Controller, think of the damage she could do by leading young, impressionable kids like us astray. Oh, I hate to even think of it! We have a duty, Jake. We have a sacred duty to go to that concert and to find out once and for all whether any of these major stars are Controllers.�

Jake smiled his slow smile. �That is easily the most pathetic excuse you have ever come up with.�

I laughed. �Get serious. I�ve come up with lots of more pathetic excuses than that.�

We were almost at Jake�s house, so we stopped. Jake�s brother Tom is one of them - a Controller. We don�t talk inside his house.

�You know,� Jake said, �the only possible way I could go along with this is if I found out you were going to this thing anyway. Then, see, I�d have to go along - reluctantly - just to watch your back.�

Jake may be responsible and all, but he isn�t a total forty-year-old.

I grinned. �Jake, I�m going to this concert, whether you like it or not.�

�Then I guess I�d better go, just to cover your butt,� Jake said. �You�ll have to figure out how to cover that hair.�

I made a face. �Real funny.�

�I thought so,� Jake said, grinning at his own wit. �I�m going to morph Homer, I guess. You�re right. Dog is the way to go. No one will even think anything about us being there, since there are always dogs at outdoor stuff. And dog hearing is great. You need to acquire a dog morph.�

�Already have,� I said smugly. �An Irish setter. Girls love Irish setters. Heh, heh, heh.�

I laughed my �evil� laugh and gave Jake a look, and he laughed, too.

There are these moments in your life that seem totally innocent at first, you know? Like normal everyday life. But then it�s like you stepped off a cliff, and before you know it you�re falling. Suddenly you realize your innocent little decision has gone spinning out of control.

I had decided to sneak into a concert. I had not decided to uncover one of the greatest secrets of human history, or become the person who would decide the fate of an entire race.

I just wanted to hear some music.

It should have been no big deal.

So we're going to the most mid 90s concert there is!

Chapter 2

quote:

There are a couple of big problems with morphing. First of all, there�s the two-hour time limit. If you stay in morph for more than two hours, you stay forever.

Second, there is the fact that all of the animal�s basic instincts come along with the body.

Sometimes when you jump into that animal brain it�s like grabbing onto a power line.

Finally, there is the total creepiness factor. I mean, major, Stephen-King-meets-Ann-Rice creepy.

The concert was taking place at this big outdoor arena that�s at one end of the city park. We needed a private place to morph, but that turned out not to be so easy. There were people everywhere.

Thousands of people. Kids in black T-shirts. Displaced Deadheads with little granny sunglasses and dreadlocks. Parental units carrying babies and trying to look cool in their Dockers. And hardcore punk rockers with pierced everythings.

Across from the park there was this little street with coffee shops and restaurants and an ecology bookstore. There were alleys behind the restaurants, and we headed there.

Down one alley we found a little dead-end area stuffed with dumpsters.

�Wonderful,� Jake muttered. �The two of us and the garbage. This is already fun.�

�Come on, let�s do it,� I said. I was impatient.

I could hear a warm-up band racing through a power set.

�You haven�t morphed a dog before, have you?� Jake asked me.

�No.�

He smiled. �Don�t get too happy,� he said.

I didn�t really pay any attention to him. I looked around and saw some hippie girls walking by.

They couldn�t see us. I removed my outer clothing and stripped down to my morphing suit. I stuffed my clothes and shoes into the bag Jake and I had brought along and shoved it behind the dumpster.

I focused on the dog I had acquired. I saw it in my mind. And as I focused, I felt the changes begin.

I�ve morphed much weirder things than dogs. But every morph is strange. Every morph is unpredictable. You really never know how it�s going to go.

I expected the first thing to be fur. It wasn�t. The first thing that happened was the tail. I felt it just sort of spurt out of the base of my spine.

I turned to look back over my shoulder. �Oh, guh-ross!�

The tail was sticking out. But it had no fur yet. It was just this kind of grayish, chicken-skinned whip.

I looked back at Jake. His face was bulging out like something was trying to climb out of his mouth. At the same time my own muzzle started to grow. There was a weird grinding sound from inside my head as the bones of my jaw stretched outward.

I felt an itching in my mouth as my teeth grew bigger and rearranged themselves.

I saw my fingers shrink up inside my hands.

At the same time, the little stubs of fingers grew these gray-black nails. My palms became thick and calloused.

I felt the bones in my legs and arms stretching, changing directions, and I began to grow slightly smaller. Suddenly, I couldn�t stand up anymore. I fell forward onto my calloused pads.

Only then did the fur begin to grow. It was a good thing, too. I was one ugly animal without fur.

The reddish fur sprouted quickly, like the world�s fastest grass. It just seemed to explode out of my skin, long and silky.

<Cool,> I said to Jake in thought-speak. <Check out this fur. Every girl in that concert is going to want to pet me.>

He said something back to me, but right then the dog senses kicked in.

I�ve morphed a wolf, so I was prepared. I knew the hearing would be amazing. I knew the sense of smell would be incredible.

But what I didn�t expect was the dog�s mind. It was not like the wolf. The wolf was a cool, intelligent, ruthless killer.

The dog was just a big goof.

You remember that old song, �Girls Just Wanna Have Fun�? That could be the theme song for dogs. Dogs just want to have fun.

That�s what fooled me. The Irish setter�s brain didn�t feel like some strange animal. It felt like it was just tapping into a part of my own mind. It was a perfect fit with the goof ball part of my own brain.I looked over at Jake through my slightly dim dog vision. He had become his dog, Homer. I
lolled out my tongue and panted. Jake/Homer panted right back at me.

�RUFF!� I barked, for no reason. I did a little dance. Sort of like I was going to run away, but then I stopped suddenly and crouched down on my front legs and grinned like an idiot at Jake.

I was inviting him to play.

I tore off down the alley at a run.

<Marco, wait up!>

<Catch me! Hah-hah! Like you even could!>

I like Dog Marco's overwhelming joy here.

quote:

I scrabbled away at top speed, my nails clicking on the concrete, my floppy ears flying, my tail held high and wagging.

I raced down the alleyway, totally ignoring the rich, wondrous smells of rotting garbage.

I turned toward the park and raced across the street. Jake fell back, caught up in a small knot of people.

SCRRREEEEECCCCHHH!

A car slammed on its brakes and missed me by a couple of feet. A couple of feet! I mean, if the driver had been one millisecond slower to hit the brakes, I�d have been roadkill. But my complete dog-brain reaction to that near-death experience was, �Cool! I smell something!�

I�m totally serious. The fact that I smelled some other dog�s pee on a curb was about ten thousand times more interesting to my dog brain than the squealing car was.

The driver got out and started yelling. I gave him a happy dog grin and trotted on my way.

<Marco! Would you wait up?>

Suddenly I was surrounded by people. But they were totally different from the people I�d seen before when I was still human.

For one thing, I wasn�t really looking at these people. I was smelling them. What they looked like was so totally not important. But the smells!

I smelled sweat, I smelled shampoo, I smelled bad breath, I smelled what they had been eating, I smelled what they had stepped in, I smelled laundry detergent, I smelled everyone they had touched or shaken hands with.

And I could smell all their animals. The humans might as well have been wearing big neon signs that said I OWN A DOG, or I HAVE CATS. I could not only smell who owned dogs, I could smell whether the dogs were male or female, young or old, fixed or not. Just by sniffing the people walking past, I
knew if their dogs ate canned or dry food.

I mean, when you hook up to that dog nose it�s like you�ve been walking around with cotton balls up your nostrils all your life and suddenly you take them out and wow! Wow! You�re into a whole new experience of life.

I�d been a wolf in the forest. Now it was like I was a wolf in civilization. The information from my nose was so complex. So full, so rich, so enjoyable.

�Hey, boy!� someone said. A girl! I was sure she was a girl. But was she a cute girl? I tried to make my dog eyes focus, but it was like sight was just irrelevant. I could see pretty well, but my dog brain was way too busy smelling and hearing. I did notice the scent of patchouli oil, though.

The girl reached out a hand and stroked my head. Instantly a warm wave of pleasure washed over me. Then she scratched behind my ear.

This was almost too good. This was sublime. This was probably the best thing I�d ever felt in my life.

I think I could have just stood there and let her scratch behind my ear forever. But then she was joined by a guy - a guy who owned a cat, incidentally - and she started in on my ribs. I lay down and rolled on my side. The scratching of my ribs felt like tickling. I was so happy. I was beyond happy.

See, dog happy isn�t like human happy. Human happiness always has this little voice in the back of your mind going, �Don�t be too happy. Keep your guard up. Something bad could still happen.�

But dog happy is just pure, distilled essence of happiness. I just lolled my wet tongue out and slapped my tail against the grass, and then it started. My leg started going all on its own.

�Hah, I love it when dogs do that,� the guy said. �That�s so funny!�

His girlfriend scratched away on my ribs and my back leg just motored away, out of control, and I was in heaven. That�s when Jake found me.

<That�s nice, Marco,> Jake said. <Very dignified. What�s next? You going to lick yourself?>

�Oh, it�s another dog,� the girl said. �He�s even cuter!� She leaned forward to pet Jake.

That brought me to my senses. No way was Jake a cuter dog than me.

<Okay, okay, that�s enough playing around,> I said. <Come on, Jake. Let�s get closer to the stage.> We took off, tails wagging, leaving the nice hippie couple behind.

<See? I told you, Marco. Don�t get too happy. A happy dog is almost too happy.>

<Why not?> I asked, a little wistfully. <Why not just get happy?>

Then something stunning happened. There had been no music for a few minutes, and all at once, Offspring climbed onstage and unloaded.

They ripped into a song and I cowered a little. The impact on my dog ears was shocking. But it wasn�t just that it was so loud. It was that I could hear everything. Everything.

<Hey! I can understand the lyrics now,> I said.

<Cool,> Jake answered.

We trotted closer, into a thickening crowd of humans. The smells were just overwhelming. And not always in a good way.

Suddenly, I saw him. He was passing out flyers.

He was walking through the crowd and passing out handbills.

A breeze caught one of the sheets and it fluttered to the ground in front of me. I forced my dog eyes to look at it. I couldn�t read the fine print, but I could see the two big words at the top.

The Sharing.

The Sharing. The front organization for Controllers.

<Jake,> I said. <That guy. He�s handing out flyers for The Sharing.>

<Yeah. You know what? Does he look familiar, or is it just my imagination?>

He had brown hair, just a little over his ears. He was maybe five feet tall, but he managed to look taller. A slightly shorter version of Jake, strong and confident-looking. <Yes, he�s familiar. His name�s Erek King. He transferred out of our school like a year ago.>

Erek was coming closer, smiling and handing out flyers to anyone who would take one.

He knelt down and smiled at me. He reached out to pet me, but I pulled back. Erek shrugged and walked on his way, handing out flyers.

<Jake, did you notice it?>

<Oh, yeah,> he said. <Definitely.>

<Oh, man,> I said. <There is something very, very wrong with Erek.>

Of course there is. It's impossible for any of the Animorphs to just have a good time without uncovering something.

# ? Sep 18, 2020 23:59

disaster pastor: May 1, 2007

This is a Good Book.

Epicurius posted:

You're going to hear a lot about Marco's hair in this book. If you check the cover, you'll see they got a new model for Marco. The old model had long hair, but this kid had short hair. So, Marco got a haircut. And the book won't shut up about it

I thought it was the same model, who just got a haircut on his own?

# ? Sep 19, 2020 01:28

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Should have gone german shepherd Marco

# ? Sep 19, 2020 02:20

Piell: Sep 3, 2006; Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer; Young Orc

disaster pastor posted:

This is a Good Book.

I thought it was the same model, who just got a haircut on his own?

From the wiki

"This book features Marco with a new, shorter hair style. This is because editor Tonya Alicia Martin called K.A. Applegate and said, "We have this really cute Marco model, but he has short hair." So Applegate agreed to give Marco a trim and had fun having the other characters tease him about it throughout this book. Marco continued to keep his hair short throughout the rest of the series."

# ? Sep 19, 2020 02:50

HisMajestyBOB: Oct 21, 2010; College Slice

This book is one of my favorites. It's one of the ones I reread most often as a kid.

# ? Sep 19, 2020 03:09

ANOTHER SCORCHER: Aug 12, 2018

The long digression on the dog mind and their natural state of happiness is doing some fun foreshadowing.

# ? Sep 19, 2020 14:26

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

This book, like all Marco books, is an absolute classic. And I want to post the inside cover except it's spoilers. But I think we're already up to that specific spoiler?

Also, re: haircut, what was the general cultural consensus on long/short hair on men in the mid 90s? Because being in COVID lockdown since March means I'm getting real shaggy for the first time in years, but I definitely remember long hair being acceptable or even encouraged when I was graduating high school circa 2005, when I had shoulder length hair and so did all my friends. And I'm rewatching Lost and Desmond can definitely get it. But I don't think long hair on men has been remotely popular in the last decade.

# ? Sep 19, 2020 14:59

disaster pastor: May 1, 2007

Piell posted:

From the wiki

"This book features Marco with a new, shorter hair style. This is because editor Tonya Alicia Martin called K.A. Applegate and said, "We have this really cute Marco model, but he has short hair." So Applegate agreed to give Marco a trim and had fun having the other characters tease him about it throughout this book. Marco continued to keep his hair short throughout the rest of the series."

Ah, my mistake.

# ? Sep 19, 2020 15:10

wizzardstaff: Apr 6, 2018; Zorch! Splat! Pow!

freebooter posted:

This book, like all Marco books, is an absolute classic. And I want to post the inside cover except it's spoilers. But I think we're already up to that specific spoiler?

Also, re: haircut, what was the general cultural consensus on long/short hair on men in the mid 90s? Because being in COVID lockdown since March means I'm getting real shaggy for the first time in years, but I definitely remember long hair being acceptable or even encouraged when I was graduating high school circa 2005, when I had shoulder length hair and so did all my friends. And I'm rewatching Lost and Desmond can definitely get it. But I don't think long hair on men has been remotely popular in the last decade.

I'm the same age as you and I remember it being an uncommon fashion choice, especially among young teens. I grew my hair long in high school because I was inspired by the ponytailed author photo of Terry Goodkind (big oof) and maybe only a handful of other guys had the same cut.

But then I grew up in a very conservative rural area. If you had long hair the assumption was you were probably "soft" in some way, or maybe just super confident but kind of self-absorbed. I could picture a middle school Marco pulling off long hair but never Jake. Tobias maybe, but in a different way. For him it would be part of what marks him as an outcast rather than something to flaunt.

About this book in particular...I don't have the love for it that others do. I think it was one of the last ones I read as a kid, and the Pemalites didn't entice me to stay. These books already ask the reader to accept some far-out premises but I guess that one was just too far.

# ? Sep 19, 2020 16:00

Acebuckeye13: Nov 2, 2010; If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling
1-800-GAMBLER; Ultra Carp

freebooter posted:

This book, like all Marco books, is an absolute classic. And I want to post the inside cover except it's spoilers. But I think we're already up to that specific spoiler?

Also, re: haircut, what was the general cultural consensus on long/short hair on men in the mid 90s? Because being in COVID lockdown since March means I'm getting real shaggy for the first time in years, but I definitely remember long hair being acceptable or even encouraged when I was graduating high school circa 2005, when I had shoulder length hair and so did all my friends. And I'm rewatching Lost and Desmond can definitely get it. But I don't think long hair on men has been remotely popular in the last decade.

I've known some dudes with longer hair who can pull it off, but it depends on the style and the dude themselves. I definitely used to keep my hair longer when I was in middle school and high school, though since college it's become... somewhat less viable. (drat genetics)

# ? Sep 19, 2020 16:18

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Ny apologies, but I'm probably got posting chapters tonight. I'm I'll with a fever and don't have the energy.

# ? Sep 20, 2020 00:55

Fritzler: Sep 5, 2007

Epicurius posted:

Ny apologies, but I'm probably got posting chapters tonight. I'm I'll with a fever and don't have the energy.

Hope you feel better soon! You deserve the day off.

# ? Sep 20, 2020 01:53

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

Sounds like the kind of excuse a yeerk would make. Off to get your kandrona fill, are you?

# ? Sep 20, 2020 02:12

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

Quick, let's spy on them using a bird morph.
Now if only there were some kind of... i don't know... upwelling of warm air we could use to fly high? Oh well.

# ? Sep 20, 2020 02:23

Acebuckeye13: Nov 2, 2010; If you or someone you know has a gambling problem, crisis counseling and referral services can be accessed by calling
1-800-GAMBLER; Ultra Carp

We'll have to get small to track them, just in case. I bet THIS insect morph won't go horribly wrong!

# ? Sep 20, 2020 02:29

HisMajestyBOB: Oct 21, 2010; College Slice

Bacteria have DNA, right? Let's morph that, we'll be invisible!

# ? Sep 20, 2020 03:23

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

I'll morph my dog and ~~go on a massive beach romp~~ follow him

# ? Sep 20, 2020 03:35

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

HisMajestyBOB posted:

Bacteria have DNA, right? Let's morph that, we'll be invisible!

Animorphs #387: The Prion

# ? Sep 20, 2020 06:08

GodFish: Oct 10, 2012; We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret. We exist in shadow.

And we dress in black.

Acebuckeye13 posted:

We'll have to get small to track them, just in case. I bet THIS insect morph won't go horribly wrong!

Hey, the cockroach morph didn't lead to ego death. One out of four ain't bad.

# ? Sep 20, 2020 08:59

wizzardstaff: Apr 6, 2018; Zorch! Splat! Pow!

I went to recommend the series to a friend and found that Richard's Animorphs Forum no longer hosts the ebooks after some extra publicity caught Scholastic's eye. So hold on to your copies, be they digital or physical.

(This is not a recommendation to share :filez:

. In fact it is a recommendation of where not to share :filez:

# ? Sep 21, 2020 06:00

Khizan: Jul 30, 2013

GodFish posted:

Hey, the cockroach morph didn't lead to ego death. One out of four ain't bad.

Neither did the fly.

# ? Sep 21, 2020 06:47

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

freebooter posted:

This book, like all Marco books, is an absolute classic. And I want to post the inside cover except it's spoilers. But I think we're already up to that specific spoiler?

Also, re: haircut, what was the general cultural consensus on long/short hair on men in the mid 90s? Because being in COVID lockdown since March means I'm getting real shaggy for the first time in years, but I definitely remember long hair being acceptable or even encouraged when I was graduating high school circa 2005, when I had shoulder length hair and so did all my friends. And I'm rewatching Lost and Desmond can definitely get it. But I don't think long hair on men has been remotely popular in the last decade.

Yeah, it totally was normal then. I even had my hair long for a while.

Back in the 90s from what I remember it seemed like more of a weird choice.

# ? Sep 21, 2020 08:07

Ytlaya: Nov 13, 2005

Looking forward to the rest of this book given how good people are saying it is. The first Ax book was genuinely really good, largely due to how well Ax is written as a character.

freebooter posted:

This book, like all Marco books, is an absolute classic. And I want to post the inside cover except it's spoilers. But I think we're already up to that specific spoiler?

Also, re: haircut, what was the general cultural consensus on long/short hair on men in the mid 90s? Because being in COVID lockdown since March means I'm getting real shaggy for the first time in years, but I definitely remember long hair being acceptable or even encouraged when I was graduating high school circa 2005, when I had shoulder length hair and so did all my friends. And I'm rewatching Lost and Desmond can definitely get it. But I don't think long hair on men has been remotely popular in the last decade.

I graduated high school in 2004 and had pretty long (shoulder-length) hair until ~2002/2003. I don't remember it being a popular style, but it also wasn't looked at negatively. I actually forget the exact style most common among guys in the early 00's; I remember in the 90s there was a thing with gelled up hair, and then sometime after graduating HS long bangs became a thing (with boys/men, that is).

# ? Sep 21, 2020 08:19

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 29, 2024 14:34

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

So, are we going to find out what's wrong with Erek? Yes, probably, but not for the next few days because I'm in the hospital with a leg infection. Sorry about that

# ? Sep 21, 2020 14:09

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

«‹›236 »