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George: So how are thing with Elise? Jerry: Uh...okay.. George: *does a funny hand motion* Alright, let's hear it. Jerry: Well, when I asked her out she was wearing a mask. I didn't see her entire face until our third date. George: So what's the problem? Jerry: Mask on, hotty toddy. Mask off... George: Hotty notty? Jerry: So you're familiar with this? George: She's a COVID-10, Jerry. Jerry: COVID-10...? George: Look, I'm aware of my *gestures hands around face* physical limitations. But during this pandemic, I've gotten twice as many dates. *Kramer walks in to the apartment* George: It's the mask. Everyone looks good with a mask on. We're all 10's. COVID-10's! Kramer: No, no, no. It's COVID-19 *Kramer walks behind Jerry's TV, removes an Amazon Firestick, opens the door to exit the apartment, turns around, points at George, makes a mouth popping sound and closes the door to the apartment*
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Oct 31, 2020 13:59
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Ehud posted:
lmao
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Oct 31, 2020 21:47
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yeah, harambe! that chimps alright, high five
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Oct 31, 2020 21:52
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Elaine is making a fortune streaming herself dance awkwardly for hours on Twitch, bowing to increasingly bizarre special requests.
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Oct 31, 2020 21:53
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Ehud posted:George: So how are thing with Elise? lmao
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Oct 31, 2020 22:21
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JERRY: my wife, she graduated college GEORGE: another old harpy, you gotta get another JERRY:. get another? GEORGE: highschools, jerry JERRY: highschools? What are you talking about GEORGE: wave of the future *Door explodes into shards, seriously injuring Elaine* KRAMER: wave of the future, as long as they're white
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Nov 1, 2020 18:52
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Schweinhund posted:A headline reads "Comedian Jerry Seinfeld is Accused of Sexual Misconduct by 12 Women" George enters the apartment George: I got me-too'd! Jerry: You, too? George: Me, too. Jerry: Me, too! George: You, too? Jerry: Me, too. *Kramer busts in* Kramer: Got me-too'd again. Jerry: You, too? Kramer: Me, too! George: We did, too! *motions to himself and Jerry* Kramer: You two? George: We, too, baby! *Kramer does hand motion* Kramer: weeeee-ooooooh!
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Nov 3, 2020 11:37
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Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer all end up not voting due to various mishaps and misunderstandings.
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Nov 3, 2020 17:11
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JERRY: So, you voted right? ELAINE: Wellllllllll... JERRY: Elaine, you GOTTA vote! ELAINE: Did you vote? JERRY: Oh God no, I'm not standing in that line. KRAMER BURSTS INTO THE ROOM KRAMER: Newman's mail truck just got hijacked by a bunch of guys calling themselves Proud Boys, we gotta get down there and help him out!
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Nov 3, 2020 17:27
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The phrase "it's the most important election of our lifetime" is repeated ad nauseum throughout the episode.
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Nov 3, 2020 17:33
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*Kramer enters the apartment, says nothing and grabs Jerry's blender* *Kramer heads for the exit but is stopped by Jerry* Jerry: Uh, can I help you? Kramer: Oh, this? *holds up blender* Kramer: Me and Newman are making smoothies. Jerry: Newman? It's 10am on Tuesday. Shouldn't he be at work? Kramer: Jerry, it's a pandemic. He's working from home. Jerry: How does a mailman work from home? Kramer: Well I didn't ask. *Kramer fumbles with the blender and bangs into the door on his way out*
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Nov 3, 2020 18:40
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[Kramer bursts through the door] Kramer: "He did a great job with Covid. China did it purposefully to bring down our economy, and we know that Joe Biden loves China, and that he’s criminal and corrupt. Anything that Trump did wrong before becoming president, he’s repented for,” Jerry: "Oh hi Kramer" Kramer: “The left try to pull on people’s heart strings by talking about racism and immigration, but all Donald Trump is trying to do is eliminate sex trafficking," [does funny hand motion]
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Nov 3, 2020 19:33
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Kramer builds an adrenochrome extraction rig in his bathtub
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Nov 3, 2020 19:36
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ikanreed posted:*Door explodes into shards, seriously injuring Elaine* lolled irl
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Nov 3, 2020 19:47
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:George enters the apartment
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Nov 3, 2020 22:24
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Elaine is dating a guy who keeps getting mistaken for Ben Shapiro. He turns out to actually be Ben Shapiro.
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Nov 3, 2020 22:49
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:George enters the apartment Ehud posted:*Kramer enters the apartment, says nothing and grabs Jerry's blender* absolutely perfect
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Nov 3, 2020 22:49
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Peterman: "Elaine! Would you sign this card? Poor Wally's got a wicked touch of the "' co-ro-na-vi-rus'. I once came up against a virus, myself, Elaine... " Elaine: "Ugh, oh god..." Peterman: "I was in Burma, and had just survived a tussle with a fairly sizable swarm of murder hornets. They were fast, but luckily, I was wearing my Eastern Philosophies Pullover, only $25, available in cream and white. Oh, try as they might, they couldn't penetrate that classically handsome shield of a shirt... "
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Nov 3, 2020 23:04
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you double ate the rear end. that's like putting your whole mouth , in the rear end
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Nov 3, 2020 23:13
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Doctor Dogballs posted:you double ate the rear end. that's like putting your whole mouth , in the rear end
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Nov 3, 2020 23:29
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Ehud posted:
holy gently caress
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Nov 4, 2020 12:19
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Jerry you've gotta help me. Trump has declared victory and it's complete bullshit Who is this? jerry? jerry!
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Nov 4, 2020 12:31
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A Fancy Hat posted:"Jerry, it's incredible, with social distancing I can date women but never actually have to see them. I give 'em 5, maybe 10 minutes of George a day. They're loving it. I'm their only social contact all day, and they never get sick of me!" Haha, this is spot on.
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Nov 4, 2020 12:31
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GEORGE: Jerry I've been up for 47 hours straight tracking this election. And lemme tell you... I'M A LITTLE STRESSED OUT! JERRY: It's fine, just go to sleep. I'm sure they have some real professionals out there counting the ballots. CUT TO KRAMER AND NEWMAN IN FRONT OF A GIANT PILE OF MAIL SACKS
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Nov 4, 2020 13:46
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Newman and kramer driving down the street, both screaming. Ballots are flying out the back of the van
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Nov 4, 2020 14:26
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Funky See Funky Do posted:Who is this?
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Nov 4, 2020 18:16
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Jerry gets COVID and dies unexpectedly. The gang tries to hang out a few times, but their social glue is gone. George works hard for a promotion and gets it. Elaine marries David Puddy. Kramer stops leaving his apartment, gets kicked out for not paying rent, attends trade school, and spends the rest of his days quietly repairing HVAC systems across the city.
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Nov 5, 2020 07:07
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ThePopeOfFun posted:Jerry gets COVID and dies unexpectedly. It's weird that these are all pretty much good (maybe save for the Puddy thing) and yet it's super depressing.
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Nov 5, 2020 12:06
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:It's weird that these are all pretty much good (maybe save for the Puddy thing) and yet it's super depressing. thats life baybee
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Nov 5, 2020 14:07
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Kramer: Jerry, what's the WiFi password? Jerry: WiFi password? I just gave it to you yesterday. Kramer: It's not for me. *an unfamiliar person enters the apartment wearing a suit, holding a laptop* Darren: Kramer, did you get the WiFi password? Kramer: Not yet. Jerry, what's the WiFi password? Jerry: Who the hell is this? Kramer: This is Darren. His office is working remotely because of the pandemic and he doesn't have internet at home. So we took him in. Jerry: "We"? Kramer: Kramerica Enterprises. Yeah, we've completely retooled. We're renting out office space to young, displaced professionals like Darren here. *Darren smiles at Jerry* Jerry: And you're gonna use my WiFi? I don't think so, Kramer. Kramer: Why not! Jerry: Because it's my WiFi! *audience laughter*
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Nov 5, 2020 14:09
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Duncan: "A few years back, Jerry and I were facing off, remotely, for a GDQ qualifier, and he cheated! It was a Tomba series relay, and he got a headstart! So I want a rematch!" Jerry: "Out of the question, Duncan, no way." Duncan: "Why not?!" Jerry: "Because I CHOOSE not to stream!" Duncan: "You've been saying that for years! You couldn't beat me then, and you can't beat me now." Lois: "Stream it, Jerry! Do it!" Jerry: *angrily* "Alriiiiiiiiight!!"
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Nov 5, 2020 16:20
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My wife just emailed me an entire episode that made me lol Kramer bursts into Jerry’s apartment Kramer: Jerry, I need to check your bathroom. Jerry: Check it? For what? Kramer: (yelling from Jerry’s bathroom) Your toilet paper supply! Jerry: I’ve got plenty. Kramer exits the bathroom holding a small package of toilet paper Kramer: A six-pack!? No, Jerry, that’s no good. Listen, people are buying this stuff like hot cakes. Now you should get down to the store and stock up before it’s too late. Jerry: (waving hand) Oh, please! I’m not going to panic buy toilet paper. I’ll get more when I run out like a normal person. Kramer: Okay. But you’ll be sorry. Kramer starts to leave with Jerry’s toilet paper still in hand. Jerry takes it from Kramer’s arms as he closes the door. ——————— 1 Week Later Jerry walks down the hallway toward his apartment. Kramer is across the hall in his open doorway with stacks of toilet paper visible inside his apartment. Jerry overhears their conversation. Kramer: Hey, buddy. What can I do for ya? Customer: Hey, yeah, can I get a roll of Charmin? (Hands Kramer a $5) Kramer: (refusing the $5) Ooo, I’m sorry, I can’t do Charmin for less than $15. How about a nice roll of Scott 1000? Customer: Yes, yes! I’ll take anything! Kramer and customer exchange money and toilet paper Customer: Thank you, Kramer! Thank you! Customer walks away relieved. Jerry shakes his head as he enters his apartment. —————— 1 Week Later Jerry desperately knocks on Kramer’s door. Kramer answers. Jerry: Kramer! Do you have any toilet paper left? I can’t find it anywhere. All the store shelves are empty! Jerry looks into Kramer’s apartment. Every wall is filled various sizes and brands of toilet paper. Kramer: (looking at all his supply) I’m sorry, but this is all spoken for. (Pointing to various groups of toilet paper) I’ve got pre-orders, eBay shipments…but listen, I should have some more in a couple weeks. Jerry: A couple weeks! I can’t last that long! I’m down to my last roll! Kramer: Okay, I know where you might be able to get some. It’s a little unconventional, but it’ll get the job done. Jerry: Yes, I’ll take anything! —————— Jerry: Hello, Newman. Newman: (smiling) Hello, Jerry. I hear you’re in need of some toiletry supplies. (Hands Jerry a giant roll of commercial tissue paper) Jerry: What is this?? Newman: (proudly) That’s premium US Postal Service toilet paper. Jerry: Is this even 2-ply? Newman: It’s half ply. That’ll be $20, please. Jerry: $20! That’s ridiculous. Newman: (starts putting the toilet paper away) Suit yourself. Jerry: Wait! All riiiiight. (begrudgingly hands Newman a $20) Newman: Pleasure doing business with you. Buh-bye, Jerry. Jerry: Goodbye, Newman.
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Nov 5, 2020 17:03
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A while ago, someone posted an excellent script about Jerry thinking his gf takes huge dumps and leaving them unflushed, and the gf thinking HE'S the one doing it. Does anyone have that? The ending is gold (Jerry! Gold!), and I could see it being a real episode, if Seinfeld was a bit closer to CYE.
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Nov 5, 2020 18:17
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So Kramer doesn't have a square to spare?
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Nov 5, 2020 19:28
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Rupert Buttermilk posted:A while ago, someone posted an excellent script about Jerry thinking his gf takes huge dumps and leaving them unflushed, and the gf thinking HE'S the one doing it. Does anyone have that? mom and dad fight a lot posted:Paging ElectricSheep, and everyone else from this thread. Edit: actually that whole thread is amazing. I asked Jeffrey of YOSPOS to get it goldmined.
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Nov 5, 2020 20:47
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Jerry's new 35- year-old girlfriend says, "Ok, Boomer" during an argument Kramer and Newman become the "Sausage Kings" of Postmates until it's discovered that Bob Sacamano has been selling them illegal pork Elaine and Putty break up over his refusing to take off his MAGA hat her grand niece's Bat Mitzvah TAKE. OFF. THE. HAT! No...everyone else is wearing one. Look at him That's a yarmulke!!! Newman's contact info shows up in Jeffery Epstein's black book
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Nov 5, 2020 20:51
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Ehud posted:My wife just emailed me an entire episode that made me lol lol
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Nov 5, 2020 20:53
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Kramer causes a blackout in Manhattan when he turns on his custom crypto mining rig. George sees success with his Sweatpants review channel on YouTube, until he gives the J Peterman brand a bad review. Bonzo fucked around with this message at 21:01 on Nov 5, 2020 |
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Nov 5, 2020 20:58
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General Dog posted:Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer all end up not voting due to various mishaps and misunderstandings. Trump somehow wins a critical county by three votes and the four get up publicly shamed.
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Nov 5, 2020 21:01
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| # ? Apr 20, 2024 04:33 |
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KRAMER/NEWMAN: (singing) Nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine mail in votes in the trunk, nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine mail in votes.
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Nov 5, 2020 23:56
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