the lame x-men

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > the lame x-men

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Barking Gecko: Mahoro says, "Naughty things are bad."

FastLane
Has the ability to pick the checkout line, freeway lane, or TSA line that is moving the fastest.

# ? Mar 23, 2020 00:15

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 25, 2024 00:13

HUSKY DILF: aggressively chill

Four Chords: can play rhythm guitar at least as well as any of the guys playing rhythm guitar right now at your local bar scene

# ? Mar 23, 2020 01:16

Yinlock

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

Flash- he's there at the right time when it's just a bit too dark to take that picture and then he's gone.

# ? Mar 23, 2020 01:18

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Silver Surf-de-durf- he hangs 10 on toasty waves while posting on Somethingawful.com's BYOB sub forum while finding suitable worlds for his cat, Galactus, to consume.

# ? Mar 23, 2020 03:06

FutonForensic

these are all better than most of the x-men created in the 90s

# ? Mar 23, 2020 03:53

Yinlock

FutonForensic posted:

these are all better than most of the x-men created in the 90s

90s: has his teeth gritted at all times and owns a gun that both makes no sense and changes in design every panel

# ? Mar 23, 2020 05:59

alexandriao

Yinlock posted:

90s: has his teeth gritted at all times and owns a gun that both makes no sense and changes in design every panel

Johnny Gundgerboy - he has the power to make his gun seem really interesting to people, so that they stop fighting and look at his gun. But he can't turn it off so they keep him in the basement.

# ? Mar 23, 2020 06:38

The X-man cometh

I'm Porto! I have the ability to walk through unlocked doors. I mean sure, I could just open them, but my way is slightly faster.

# ? Mar 24, 2020 05:07

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Technically Professor X was the original lame X-Man if you think about it.

# ? Mar 24, 2020 05:17

idiotsavant

Yinlock posted:

90s: has his teeth gritted at all times and owns a gun that both makes no sense and changes in design every panel

his ankles are the size of toothpicks, but his gazongas are definitely not

# ? Mar 24, 2020 09:23

oliwan: by Nyc_Tattoo

The Android: has the ability install apps on any phone, but for free.

# ? Mar 24, 2020 14:30

nut

it is i mustardo, who without fail leaves a crust around the hole of condiment squeezy bottles on every use

# ? Mar 24, 2020 14:47

google THIS

Canonically there's a mutant who involuntarily melts and eventually vaporizes anyone within a 30-foot radius. He melted everyone he cared about at the onset of puberty and had to become a hermit forever and Professor X sent Wolverine, whose healing factor basically made him immune, to give him a "Tough break, kiddo" pep talk. A mutant too dangerous even for the bad guys to try to recruit and exploit.

Anyway, imagine that but with like, post-nasal drip, that'd be pretty lame.

# ? Mar 24, 2020 14:48

nut

it is i gambit, who cannot stop playing slotmania in the backyard on my samsung galaxy even when my wife asks me to

# ? Mar 24, 2020 14:49

google THIS

I am Dragonmaster, I can channel the full power of any character from the Dragonball franchise as long as their name rhymes with "chillin'."

# ? Mar 24, 2020 14:58

HUSKY DILF: aggressively chill

Electro: can make the plug of any appliance with three prongs fit into a socket with two prongs OR make vice versa happen

# ? Mar 24, 2020 19:06

Finger Prince

Lidless: The power to leave open or remove lids from nearby bottles, tubes, containers, etc., and misplace those lids, and sometimes make random other lids appear that don't match any of the containers missing their lids. Also my gf.

# ? Mar 24, 2020 20:08

wearing a lampshade

Hi, I'm Steve, I'm an X-Men. My special power, I guess, is that my family name is Dave.

# ? Mar 24, 2020 20:43

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

Finger Prince posted:

Lidless: The power to leave open or remove lids from nearby bottles, tubes, containers, etc., and misplace those lids, and sometimes make random other lids appear that don't match any of the containers missing their lids. Also my gf.

Also Lidless: can win any staring context, and consistently makes people uncomfortable when they look at her.

# ? Mar 25, 2020 00:03

idiotsavant

Never fear! I, Spongeoh, am on the scene and ready to defend you good folks from harm with my power to invade the mind, conscious or unconscious, waking or dreaming, and make evil-doers feel like they�re in the middle of a lukewarm sponge bath

# ? Mar 25, 2020 03:04

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

I am Jean Gray. I turn jeans gray.

# ? Mar 25, 2020 04:53

The X-man cometh

Healthy Joe

Somewhat fast healing factor. Like it would be amazing for a regular person to heal a broken arm in a week, but it isn't that cool when Wolverine is right there.

# ? Mar 25, 2020 04:56

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

Roo has many powers - can jump further than most people. Has a strong tail. Can stand on the tail while kicking with both feet. Also quite good at punching. Has a concealed pouch on her body. Not very good at following instructions though, and can't speak any human language.

Roo is not actually a mutant, just a regular kangaroo, but they keep her around because it would seem weird to reject her powers and keep Spyke.

# ? Mar 25, 2020 05:00

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Smoke 'em if you gottem!

Nice One- can always be counted on to one-up the person who's farted and or burped; with a concentration on being effective at both at the same time, without effort on their part.

Can be easily found by following the loud and enthusiastic exaltation of "nice one!" at a party.

Also: can provide on a whim the perfect come-back.

# ? Mar 25, 2020 05:22

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Gene Gay. A normal guy, X-tra gay

# ? Mar 25, 2020 05:29

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

Professor X is literally the lame X-Man.

# ? Mar 25, 2020 07:05

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

The Man of a Thousand Faces knows the key combinations to produce a thousand different emoticons.

# ? Mar 25, 2020 21:01

Heather Papps: hello friend

roomforthetuna posted:

Professor X is literally the lame X-Man.

thanks Dumb Sex-Parrot and deep dish peat moss for this winter bounty!

# ? Mar 25, 2020 21:04

Drink-Mix Man: You are an odd fellow, but I must say... you throw a swell shindig.

Drink-Mix Man posted:

Technically Professor X was the original lame X-Man if you think about it.

roomforthetuna posted:

Professor X is literally the lame X-Man.

Heather Papps posted:

roomforthetuna posted:
Professor X is literally the lame X-Man.

roomforthetuna, with the power to get emptyquoted for previously-made jokes

# ? Mar 25, 2020 21:41

google THIS

You know, Professor X was a man of X, who was lame in actuality due to his inability to walk.

# ? Mar 25, 2020 22:01

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

google THIS posted:

You know, Professor X was a man of X, who was lame in actuality due to his inability to walk.

# ? Mar 25, 2020 22:57

roomforthetuna: I don't need to know anything about virii! My CUSTOM PROGRAM keeps me protected! It's not like they'll try to come in through the Internet or something!

Charles Xavier, with the power to happen to have a surname beginning with the same letter that was designated to the gene of mutantness.

# ? Mar 25, 2020 22:58

nut

professor sex and I know u ain�t gotta ask

# ? Mar 25, 2020 23:24

The X-man cometh

Slushman

Just like Iceman, except instead of solid ice, everything comes out dirty brown slush.

# ? Mar 26, 2020 04:36

alexandriao

Flaccidio

The ability to randomly dispell boners, but only when the people involved want the boner.

# ? Mar 26, 2020 07:58

alexandriao

Scribus

The ability to read one word per second faster than the fastest reader in the room

Roy Batty

A man with the astounding ability to make a AAA, and only an AAA battery, instantly lose power.

Roboto

A man with the ability to do the robot dance to any song that comes on the radio. Unfortunately he wets himself while he does it.

# ? Mar 26, 2020 08:03

oliwan: by Nyc_Tattoo

There are also some cool lame x men like

Bongo
Has the ability to instantly clean your bong by simply touching it (works for all glassware actually, but his friends used to call him bongo and the name kinda stuck)

# ? Mar 26, 2020 11:39

oliwan: by Nyc_Tattoo

Another chill lame x-man is:

Candylee
Like Jubilee, but instead of fireworks she shoots candy 🍬

# ? Mar 26, 2020 11:41

Finger Prince

Dar-wynn: Controls the power of evolution!... At the speed of evolution.

# ? Mar 26, 2020 12:01

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# ? Apr 25, 2024 00:13

The X-man cometh

oliwan posted:

There are also some cool lame x men like

Great idea!

Aromatyxx
The power to make the room smell fantastic - get rid of Nightcrawler's sulfur stink and replace it with the smell of warm cookies just out of the oven.

# ? Mar 26, 2020 14:28

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > BYOB Goldmine: Gold Mango > the lame x-men

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