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chitoryu12 posted:Holly Goodhead is here for some reason? And in a spotless white evening dress for some reason. Spywear? Confessions of a 007 Agent posted:Jaws, who had apparently miraculously escaped the great white shark and the sinking tomb of Stromberg’s Atlantis. Movie Bond should have known this earlier; Jaws shows up in the pre-credits parachute sequence doesn't he?
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Aug 12, 2020 08:25
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chitoryu12 posted:Bond looked up to see two squat, dark-skinned men approaching, carrying a folding stretcher. They wore white tunics and trousers. Once again he marvelled at the speed and precision of the Brazilian health service. The larger of the two men stopped beside him and started to unroll his stretcher. So Bond knew that they were being watched by hostile agents from the control room but decided to hang around making out with Holly rather than making any attempt to move or hide? And then assumed these guys were a totally legit ambulance that's dedicated to mountain rescue? He's very good at what he does. Ripley fucked around with this message at 08:58 on Aug 12, 2020 |
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Aug 12, 2020 08:40
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https://twitter.com/luulubuu/status/1293319462884704257
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Aug 12, 2020 19:00
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Chapter 13: Orchidaceae Negraquote:A fuzzy grey image before Bond’s eyes deepened to black and then throbbed into a noncommittal brown. A face appeared, bobbing up and down with the motion of a vehicle moving over rough ground and Bond recognized the man dressed as a medical orderly who had struck him down on the hillside. Bond closed his eyes again and tried to move his hands. They were tied with cord and resting on his stomach. His legs seemed to be secured with a strap. Something pressed down on his forearms. He opened his eyes slightly and saw that a second strap around his chest was holding him down on a stretcher. He was in the back of an ambulance and beside him was Holly, similarly bound to another stretcher. Between them, with his back to the doors, was seated the complacent bulk of their guard, with eyes like bloodshot marbles. They bulged out of his face as if likely to slide down his cheeks with the next jolt of the ambulance. A small wet tongue washed the man’s lips and Bond realized that he was looking into the face of a psychopath. He tried again to separate his hands but without success. Whoever had tied him up had been a professional. Unlike our protagonist. quote:As Bond watched, the guard ran his eyes over Holly from head to toe and rinsed his lips again. Bond knew what he was thinking. He turned his head slightly and saw that Holly knew as well. Her eyes were wide open with wary fear and she was concentrating on the man as if trying to hold him at arm’s length. Horny Counter: 21 quote:Bond saw that there was no more point in feigning unconsciousness, so he opened his eyes. The throbbing behind his left temple was like an icepick hitting at his brain. A wave of pain like a meths drinker’s hangover swirled through his head. You would be familiar with that, right? quote:Like a child in a strange nursery, the guard felt in one of the pockets alongside the bunks and withdrew a slim leather case. He clicked it open and a glint of steel matched the crazed light that came into his eyes. The bitten fingers delved into the case and emerged with a long-bladed scalpel. Bond saw Holly flinch. I think there's an Evil Overlord List somewhere that includes "Don't hire guards who rape prisoners, especially right in front of other people." quote:Bond jerked his body forward and drove upwards with his feet. A toe collided with the base of the fire extinguisher and the plunger was depressed. With a noise like an egg being broken, a miniature volcano of foam erupted to splash off the ceiling and over the occupants of the ambulance. The guard swung round to see what had happened and then, too late, spun back again. He turned just in time to see Bond’s feet driving for his face. The blow connected with the side of his jaw and he crashed backwards against the doors, dropping the scalpel on the floor. As it slithered towards Holly, she withdrew her bound hands from beneath the restraining strap and twisted with all her strength to pick it up. Her fingers closed about the handle and she held it out desperately towards Bond. He reached out his tied hands, and with two slashes from Holly his arms were free at the cost of a nicked wrist. As the stunned guard launched himself forward again; Bond stopped him with a vicious right jab and tore at the strap that held him to the stretcher. He freed himself and joined battle with the guard as Holly swung wildly but unavailingly with the scalpel. Bond’s ankles were still bound but he struggled upright and pinned the guard against the swaying wall of the ambulance. As the man drove his knee up, Bond parried the blow and connected with a short left to the jaw that spun him round. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZsUksXkp2_4 That's one comic death Wood didn't excise from the book. The film scene also includes possibly the most gratuitous product placement in Bond history: the ambulance passes billboards for 7 Up, Seiko, and Marlboro all in a few seconds! quote:On the wide expanse of pampas the three figures in gaucho costume riding abreast would have attracted attention from tourists. But tourists were a commodity that the region lacked. It was grazing land to the east of the Mato Grosso and behind the Serra do Roncador. Indifferent grazing land where men who scratched a living had to be as tough as the horses they rode and the cattle they branded. Brasilia to the south-east had the modern architecture and the embassies. They had the saddle sores and the mosquitoes. One of the riders gestured down a shallow valley and the three horsemen rode towards a long, low building with a red tiled roof and tidy squares of grazing land marked out by picket fences. A flock of white doves took off as they galloped into the courtyard, and peeling shutters creaked in the hot sun. The red dust settled as the men slid from their horses and flicked the reins round the bar of the hitching rail. Two of the men walked along the veranda. The third, and tallest, pushed open the swing doors and went into the building. The room he entered had bare whitewashed walls and was cool thanks to a high ceiling and a slowly turning fan. On one wall was a heavy wooden cross. A staccato clatter ended as the man came in, and Miss Moneypenny looked up from her typewriter. Confused? So was I! This does follow the movie script, but there's no real transition in this book. Due to the nature of the download, I can't tell if it's a scan error removing a line break. Either way, it fits the trend of the movies of having Bond just suddenly end up in wildly different locations every 30 minutes. quote:‘Why, if it isn’t the Magnificent 007.’ And once again, in the movie tradition, M is picking up and transporting his entire office and Q Branch to the field! quote:‘Mine not to reason why, Moneypenny. Is M expecting me?’ Horny Counter: 22 quote:Bond found himself in a square courtyard. The first thing he smelt was cordite. Somebody had been firing weapons. Shattered fragments of human figures were strewn across the ground. Against a bullet-pocked wall a man sat with a poncho pulled around his shoulders and a sombrero tipped over his face so that it was invisible. He gave the impression that he was shutting out the sight of the firing squad that faced him with rifles raised. An order rang out and there was a burst of gunfire. But not from the firing squad. At the word of command, the sombrero tipped up and the poncho parted to reveal an automatically controlled machine gun which mowed down the clay figures of the firing squad and made a further contribution to the debris in the courtyard. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tdXshjACQx8 That's certainly useful in case you get allowed to bring your own gear to an execution! quote:‘Ah, there you are, 007.’  Our powerful balls are bolas, a set of heavy weights attached to rope that were used initially by Native Americans for catching game. They became a traditional tool of gauchos for entangling the legs of running animals, similar in concept to the lasso of the American cowboy. quote:‘This is all very fascinating, Q. But I think M—’ Rather than a brain-melting flashlight, the movie takes this opportunity to introduce one of the most famous weapons of James Bond canon: the Moonraker laser.  These lasers were surprisingly cheap props, being made from toy Uzis with bits glued on and painted. Where it earned its fame is GoldenEye 007, where it was the only weapon to have unlimited ammo and be capable of penetrating doors and enemies. Being so overpowered, it was only present in multiplayer and the Aztec bonus level based on this film. It would reappear in the 2010 remake of the game and 007: Legends and also serve as the inspiration for the similar Phoenix Samurai laser in 007: Nightfire, which shamelessly ripped off the finale of this movie for its own last level. quote:‘Right,’ said Q cheerfully. ‘Rather splendid, isn’t it?’ I like how we've gone from Q as a silly old inventor to Q as a sociopathic weapons developer. quote:Behind the courtyard was a stone building with shuttered windows, and an armed guard outside the door. Q opened the door and ushered Bond inside. The room was in near darkness and set up with a slide projector and a screen as if for an illustrated talk. On one wall was a large map of Brazil that stretched from floor to ceiling. M switched off a desk light and rose hurriedly to his feet as Bond came in. ‘Ah — morning, 007. I’m glad you could make it. We were beginning to get worried about you.’ In the interim, neither intelligence agency has managed to find a trace of Holly, meaning she's still waiting for Bond's daring rescue. Drax has likewise suspiciously disappeared after the Venice incident. With nothing connecting him to the Moonraker theft (and no sensible reason why he'd steal his own shuttle), MI6 and the CIA are the only groups that find anything odd about it. quote:Q moved to the projector and indicated a couple of chairs beside him. ‘We’re talking about the analysis of the phial you picked up in Venice, 007. Your diagnosis was spot on. A highly toxic nerve gas capable of causing death in seconds. But — and this is very strange — none of the experiments we’ve conducted show it to have any effect on animals.’  quote:‘A long way from the Yucatan Peninsula,’ mused Bond. So going up to Sugarloaf Mountain to watch them really was useless from an espionage perspective! quote:Bond’s eyes returned to the circle of blue on the map. ‘So this is all we really have to go on. I’d better take a look.’ What indeed! quote:Hours later Bond thought of Q’s words as he sat at the helm of the sleek vessel he had nicknamed the Q-craft. It had the lines of a motor launch, but with an exceptionally shallow draught, a powerful engine and a brightly coloured awning stretching above his head like the wings of a bird. The river up which he travelled was the colour of mud and tall, foliage-strangled trees crowded the banks, dangling snake-like lianas into the slowly moving water. The air was full of disembodied bird calls and the hum of mosquitoes. The trees pressed in so menacingly that Bond felt that he and his narrow craft were running a gauntlet; that at any moment the creepers would be wielded like knouts to scourge his back. With the sun locked out and the light fading into the palisade of trees, the river was not a cheerful place. Every foot travelled was one farther away from civilization, and the smell of rotting vegetation and the never-ending impression of being fed into a tunnel from which there might be no return pinched the spirit like lead shot.   The "Q-Craft" was a Glastron Carlson CV23HT, one of 300 made and only 3 were made with the silver flake finish for the movie. Out of those, only one survives in the hands of the Ian Fleming Foundation, on display at the London Film Museum. quote:Fighting off the insects, Bond steered a course against the detritus of the forest that came drifting downstream. Hours passed and the river became narrower, until the tops of tall trees on either bank almost met across the stream. Clumps of weed began to form untidy barriers and the Stygian gloom deepened swiftly into night. Bond moored some distance from the bank and debated between sleeping in the tiny, airless cabin and on deck. He decided on the latter and lay down beneath a hastily erected mosquito net to listen to the sounds of darkness. Splashes, rustles, buzzes, burs, the shrill shrieks of hunting owls, the terrified squawks of their prey. Nature feeding upon itself. Sharp teeth sinking into flesh and the senses tuned, always tuned, to the approach of larger, sharper teeth. Lulled by the sound of nature keeping its bloody balance, Bond eventually fell asleep beneath a starless sky. Paludrine is a common antimalarial drug.  At least Wood remembers Bond's fondness for bourbon. Old Hickory was a bourbon brand named in honor of Andrew Jackson, famous genocidal president, produced in Philadelphia. The original whiskey is long since extinct, though the name is owned and used by RS Lipman for both straight bourbon and a blended whiskey made from stock created by the infamous MGP distillery of Indiana; dozens of American whiskey producers, especially young start-ups, use whiskey produced by MGP to avoid the expense of distilling and aging their own product for years before a sale. While MGP-made bourbons are often quite good, there remains controversy to this day for their prevalence on store shelves and the tendency for buyers to use deceptive practices in marketing and labeling their whiskey to keep up the illusion that they're offering a unique, independent product. quote:Soon Bond had to make a decision. The river ahead was divided by an island of vegetation and disappeared into two sluggish channels overhung with trees and choked with weeds and lily leaves like circular green upturned tin lids. Neither seemed promising and he wondered if he had taken a wrong turning when night had been falling. He examined his hopelessly inadequate chart and took a compass bearing before following the fork that showed a dark line bisecting an open expanse of speckled surface weed. At least somebody had passed this way recently. He cut back the engine and moved gently through beds of thick reed punctuated by areas of open water often littered by flocks of fowl that took to the air with a thunderclap of wings at his approach. Although there were occasional clumps of vine-covered trees, the waterscape was taking on a far more swamp-like aspect. Not that this acted as a salve to the spirit. There was still a feeling of claustrophobia, of being hemmed in and closed off from the outside world. Not without pangs of alarm, Bond wondered how easy it was going to be to find his way back. He adopted the habit of stopping every few hundred yards to look back and see if there were any memorable landmarks. He soon realized that this was a waste of time. One patch of open water amongst the clumps of reeds looked exactly like another. Bond continues on his way through the identical jungle rivers. Another day passes without any new evidence found and Bond sleeping in the boat after a torrential downpour. quote:The next day brought his first contact with human beings. The rain had ceased and he had got under way upstream when a dugout canoe appeared round a bend in the river. In it were five tiny men wearing strips of cloth around their waists and carrying spears. They dropped the spears when they saw Bond and snatched up paddles. At a speed that was impressive, they dug their paddles into the water and headed in towards the bank, to disappear into a side tributary. Bond! You just interfered with an uncontacted tribe! quote:After that incident, Bond had the impression that he was being watched. Occasionally there were bird calls from the bank that evoked a strident response almost too spontaneous for anything found in nature. Creatures unseen rustled away through the undergrowth. Bond felt his nerves being stretched to breaking point. Oppressive surroundings and a growing sense of isolation wound the capstan. There was nothing to see but the thickening jungle and the winding river, yet he could never relax. A drifting log or a submerged rock causing an accident or a mechanical fault that could be simply repaired within sight of civilization could here be his undoing. And there was always the fear that an arrow or a spear would sail out from the river bank. That a war canoe would silently steal up on him when he was sleeping. It was a voyage that did not pity faint hearts. By midday on the fourth day, the fuel situation is becoming critical enough that he might not actually get back if he keeps going (which he dutifully does). His maps are insufficient, he's maintaining radio silence, and he has only his compass and guesswork now to go on. Our awesome superspy has basically hosed himself. quote:For an hour he brushed through reed beds that were so thick as to be almost impenetrable, and then the waterscape opened up and clumps of feather-topped cane became islands in a water garden of lilies and flowering tubers. These in turn gave way to stretches of open water bordered by reed and jungle and containing flocks of cranes and geese that rose into the air as he approached. To see some birdlife and be free of the stifling reed beds lifted Bond’s spirits, and he opened the throttle slightly to let the Q-craft skim towards what looked like the beginnings of a large lake. The boat emerged from the last clumps of reed and was indeed riding across a wide expanse of water. The surface was smooth and clear and Bond saw rings that showed where fish were rising. But there were no birds. After the teeming backwaters that he had come through, Bond wondered why. What could there be here to frighten them away? The answer came in the form of a large spout of water that rose just forward of the bow. Bond thought momentarily of some giant fish or crocodile — before he heard the tell-tale screech. He had come under fire. A second shell exploded astern and he swung the rudder over to head for the shelter of the reed beds. Moving directly towards him with its bow out of the water and cannon blazing was a high-powered speedboat. Bond threw the wheel over again, only to see two more boats converging on him. The water round the Q-craft was boiling with shell fire. There remained one direction to take. Across the lake. Bond opened the throttle wide and headed for a gap in the trees on the far shore. The next boat is equally easy to take out: the Q-Craft has a homing torpedo so effective that it can make a 180 degree turn on a miss and follow behind the boat faster than it can outrun it. And then they approach a roaring sound and spray of mist that can only be the edge of a waterfall. The last enemy boat tries to turn out of the way, but is caught in the current and capsizes. quote:Bond’s heart pumped like a steam hammer as he fought to stay in control of his senses and hold the Q-craft head-on to the racing water. The spray stung his face like hail and the roar of the falls threatened to burst his eardrums. Ahead the frothing white water was giving way to an apron of smooth cream as the river stretched itself over the lip of the precipice. What lay below was swathed in a heavy pall of mist. Bond’s numb fingers reached up and grasped the metal rod that ran beneath the awning of the Q-craft. To the left and right were two levers, sculpted close to the shape of the rod. Bond waited and felt the hull of the boat rasp against rock. He was now inside a cloud of spray, and below him was a sudden unnerving glimpse of what lay beyond the falls. It seemed like a great hole in the middle of the earth down which water from every side was disappearing. A hole so deep as to have no bottom. Bond pulled down the levers and immediately felt the awning come free and the wind attempt to tear it from his grasp. He clung tightly to the rod and as the Q-craft tilted over the edge of the falls what was now apparent as the wings-like structure of a hang glider swept him up over the terrifying drop. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EN8avpXNASA Yes. Really. chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 06:14 on Aug 14, 2020 |
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Aug 14, 2020 05:38
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chitoryu12 posted:
quote:As Bond watched, the guard ran his eyes over Holly from head to toe and rinsed his lips again. Bond knew what he was thinking. He turned his head slightly and saw that Holly knew as well. Her eyes were wide open with wary fear and she was concentrating on the man as if trying to hold him at arm’s length. Come on Holly, he's only slightly less subtle than Bond was when you first met. And look at what Bond did to poor Trudi. This book is really invested in the incel worldview of "she wouldn't complain if he was good-looking and well-dressed!" chitoryu12 posted:I like how we've gone from Q as a silly old inventor to Q as a sociopathic weapons developer. I like this psychopathic-even-for-Bond Bond moralising about how "scientists were born with a scaled down range of human feelings"! chitoryu12 posted:Bond! You just interfered with an uncontacted tribe! Not as much as he would have interfered with them if he'd seen any hot tribeswomen! 
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Aug 14, 2020 10:02
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TyspweHYBd4 If anyone wants their nostalgia reignited, this guy redid the entire game soundtrack with modern instruments. Including real guitars instead of synth. It's, uh, more metal than I expected.
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Aug 15, 2020 00:03
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Chapter 14: The Hidden Cityquote:Blinded by spray, Bond felt that he was as good as dead. The enormous flow of water going over the falls set up air currents which acted like an undertow on a swimmer. His frozen hands clung to the bar and he dangled, terrified lest any attempt to throw his feet backwards should destroy his already precarious balance. An up-draught carried him away from the lowering cloud of spray and he saw that what had seemed like a bottomless pit was in fact a deep gorge which sucked in water from three of its sides. Ahead of him, beneath a suspension bridge of misty rainbow, the reformed river escaped as a cataract between towering cliffs. Bond’s heart fell fractionally faster than the hang glider. A down-draught was carrying him below the lip of the falls. He struggled to find a current of air, but knew that it was hopeless. He could never reach the surrounding jungle. He would have to follow the river down the gorge and hope that some landing space would appear before he ran out of supporting air. One look at the raging torrent, and his chances of survival seemed remote. The sides of the gorge were sheer save for occasional patches of vegetation, and the river raced through a shattered honeycomb of snag-toothed rocks. As the distance to them narrowed, he saw the battered shell of one of the launches breaking apart like a bundle of kindling. That was the fate that awaited him. It was like a nightmare in which with a jolt one is suddenly suspended in mid-air, drifting down, down, down towards a hostile landscape, twisting and turning but unable to arrest the descent. Bond felt a coldness which did not only come from fear. Beneath the level of the cliffs the atmosphere was glacial. The rocks glistened with spray and a bird rose upwards sharply, as if terrified by this strange intruder in its turbulent kingdom. There's a very strong tonal dissonance here. Wood is keeping as close as possible to the campy action of the films of this period, complete with comedic deaths and wacky gadgets like a hang glider escape option from a speedboat, but is also trying to emulate Fleming's grittier tone and how the original Bond is constantly escaping danger by the skin of his teeth, always on the verge of a breakdown but barely making it through. It reads almost like a satire of the movies sometimes: "What if we wrote one of the worst films in the style of Ian Fleming?" quote:Now the bottom of the gorge was fifty feet away and all the air seemed to belong to the rushing water. There was nothing Bond could do to stay up. Only prolong the agony for as long as possible. A sheer rock face loomed up before him and he veered away at the last moment, dropping a heart-stopping ten feet with the suddenness of the turn. Angry spurts of water snapped at his heels and the gorge closed in above his head. The torrent jinked to the left and another wall of rock threw itself in his path. Bond forced his right arm up and pulled with his left. As the water rose high to whip against the cliff, he saw a scatter of jagged rocks and stones on the other side of the stream. An untidy mane of creepers strained against the current. Bond veered left away from the full force of the water and braced himself for impact. He came in close enough for the tip of wing to scrape against the cliff and fell clumsily into a frothing mill-race of water.  The phenomenal Iguazu Falls were used for this scene. This massive collection of waterfalls on the Brazil-Argentina border is technically the largest waterfall in the world, with a staircase-like structure and multiple individual falls as the water flows into a lower river. The actual filming was done on the St. Lucie river in Florida and the boat crash was done through miniatures after an attempt at using a real boat got it stuck on the rocks. There's only one problem: Bond is supposed to be in the upper basin of the Amazon River, nowhere near these falls. quote:The first impact drove his knees against his chest and the freezing water cut him to the bone. The battered framework of the glider was torn from his grasp and bounced away like a broken rainbow. Bond narrowly avoided being disembowelled on a submerged rock, and snatched at a cluster of creepers. His hands started to slip down the slimy tendrils, stopping at a joint to which he clung with desperation born of the threat of imminent death. The current swung him to the side so that he was within reach of a narrow beach of water-washed shale. Feeling the current relax its hold, he kicked sideways with his feet and threw out an arm to grab at a twist of root which projected from the rock face. His fingers brushed against it and then gripped. A last muscle-wrenching effort, and with both hands clinging to the root, he pulled himself from the maelstrom of pounding water. He lay on the wet stones and sucked in mouthfuls of air, thankful and surprised to be alive. Well, that's great! I'm sure he didn't land anywhere important by accident! quote:The roar of the water around Bond was still terrifying. Tucked on a ledge of shingle, he seemed almost to be beneath it. As he looked back upstream, the full might of the falls was hidden by the bend in the river, but a thick cloud of spray and mist hung in the air, grey and foreboding against the black mass of rock. The water only needed to rise a few inches to sweep him away again. As if prompted by the terror behind the thought, it began to rain. Bond knew what this could mean. A sudden storm upstream and the mighty weight of water being swept over the falls would rise by feet in seconds. He began to look around him desperately. The rock swelled out above his head and before him was an untidy jumble of glistening stones, the residue of a cliff fall. As Bond’s eyes reached up, they narrowed incredulously. It was scarcely possible to believe what he could see through the fine net of spray and the falling rain. Revealed through a fading rainbow was a beautiful girl standing on a promontory of rock. She wore a long green robe split to the waist and a head-dress like a cap with streamers before and behind the ears. She looked not at Bond but upstream towards the falls. Bond turned away as the water surged against his foot alarmingly and when he looked back the girl had gone. Had she really been there? Had the journey and this terrible gorge begun to play tricks with his imagination? The roar of the water dinned into his ears and the cold pinched his limbs. If he could not find his way to higher ground within seconds he would be dead. The rain was now falling heavily, driving in under the rock. Bond edged along the thin shelf of glistening stones with the cliff face scraping his back. He could not see what lay directly above him, but his view of the opposite side of the gorge was depressing. A sheer cliff face loomed out like the bow of a ship, pitted only by horizontal contours of erosion. To climb it in his present condition would have been impossible. Having landed directly in the view of a hot girl in a weird robe, Bond climbs up the wet rocks until he finds a cave. Viewing it with his tiny flashlight, he catches the silhouette of the girl before she runs off again. He pursues, finding himself outside on an overgrown path. quote:Bond stirred himself and pressed forward down a narrow, overgrown path that was obviously rarely used. Where did the girl in the strange costume come from? Bond racked his brains to remember -where he had seen something like that costume before. The track opened into a narrow clearing and Bond found himself face to face with a mass of creeper-covered stones that had clearly once been a building. He looked about him and saw other piles of stones almost obliterated by the jungle. He had arrived at the ruins of an ancient city. There was a long wall that might have belonged to a public building; there a well choked by fallen masonry; a row of truncated pillars snapped off like broken teeth. And everything covered by a trelliswork of creepers that lay across it like a camouflage net. Bond picked his way between the buildings with difficulty, looking about him for the girl. There was no indication that the place was inhabited. He came out in another overgrown clearing and looked up to the tree line. Poking above the tangle of creepers were the uppermost stones of a building. Bond moved forward warily, brushing through some predatory thorn bushes. to find himself before a squat stone pyramid that soared a hundred feet into the air and was topped by a small temple. A flight of steps led up the face of the pyramid, and poised in the middle of them was the girl. She did not look at Bond but there was something about the way she stood, half turned towards him, that suggested she was waiting for him.  quote:Q had spoken of the Mayan civilization in the Yucatan. This was what the pyramid reminded him of. And the clothing worn by the girl. Was it possible that some offshoot of the Mayas had been forced to emigrate south because of famine or internal strife? Surely he was not following the survivor of a supposedly extinct race which had somehow managed to propagate itself in the unexplored wastes of the South American rain forests? He started to climb the giant steps and marvelled that stones of this size could have been quarried by hand-held implements. Some of the blocks were upwards of five feet in height and twelve feet long. Bond reached the spot where the girl had disappeared and found himself at the mouth of a narrow passageway leading down into the heart of the pyramid. On the two stones at the entrance were superimposed paintings of warriors with spears. Bond looked behind him to see the jungle stretching away in all directions and then stepped down into the interior. Below him was a glow of light and half-way down the staircase the beautiful girl. This time she turned to face him, and her face split in a welcoming smile. As if confident that no other invitation was necessary, she turned and continued down the steps. Bond followed. To left and right, the walls were adorned with faded frescoes showing lines of marching men in short tunics and caps like the one worn by the girl whom Bond now considered his guide. The girl did not look round but continued down the steps towards the source of light. Bond was keyed up in the knowledge that a great secret was about to be revealed to him. The heart of the enigma must reside in the centre of the pyramid. With quickening pace he came to the end of the tunnel and looked about him in amazement. This Bond is......unusually dumb. quote:His first impression was that he was in a cathedral. Great walls of coloured glass rose into the air and formed the back of the pyramid. Against them pressed the jungle, and the effect of integration was increased by the plants and creepers that climbed to meet the glass from the inside. Crystal rocks glowed as if illuminated internally and there was a serpentine pool traversed by a silver bridge. Nature had been harnessed as if in a Japanese garden, but here everything was on a giant scale and less formalized. Beside the arched bridge the girl waited for Bond like a refugee from a willow-pattern plate, and he had the strange feeling that he was in a world of make-believe. For a chilling moment he wondered. if he had perished in the falls and been wafted straight into a purgatory that obliterated memory. He advanced to the girl and suddenly realized that he had seen her before. At the Venini Glass shop. Now the feeling of being in a dream took on nightmare proportions. The girl started to cross the bridge, then paused to see if he was following. Something about her look further agitated Bond’s disturbed mind. The girl was looking, not to see if he was following, but to make sure that he was following. Bond started to skirt the pool. The water was clear, the surface merely disturbed by the gentle trickle of a waterfall at its far end. Only an alarmist would have been suspicious. But Bond was an alarmist when it came to the question of life expectancy. He traced the pattern of the paving stones around the pool and spun round as two more figures materialized through the foliage — girls dressed like the first. Again he recognized them. Astronaut trainees from California. They looked at him with smiling, expectant faces as if waiting for him to do something. He turned to the first girl. She was still on the bridge. She too was smiling. Waiting. Yes, it would only be an "alarmist" who would suspect anything amiss after having artillery fired at him and then finding a strange pyramid with women who appear to be luring him into an obvious trap. Women he knows, possibly! quote:Bond put his foot down and immediately realized that something was wrong. The stone beneath his feet was not anchored but balanced over a void. Before he could move forward, it sprang into the air and hurled him into the pool. Bond hit the water and straight away struck out for the side. Subsequently it seemed to him that he had started swimming while still in mid-air. Whoever wanted him in that pool was not thinking of his cholesterol level. You remember the giant squid fight? GIANT SNAKE FIGHT quote:His hands had just thudded against rock when a force like a steel whiplash wound itself round his chest. Bond was plucked backwards and received a terrifying glimpse of what had happened to him. Rearing before his eyes was the hideous open mouth of a giant anaconda. Its coils tightened round his chest and he started to shout before being dashed beneath the surface. The pressure on his chest might have been exerted by an enormous pair of nutcrackers. It seemed that at any moment his rib cage must break and crush his lungs in a jagged fist of broken bone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-EL1-0MxFs&t=227s Because the film just doesn't have enough action already, I guess. The cinematography in this video is a masterpiece in awful. Take a look at the relative position of the tops of the waterfalls between shots of Bond and the girl he's blindly chasing. You could be drunk and still figure out the problem. quote:Bond swam to the side of the pool and hung on, breathing painfully. Then he hauled himself out and closed his eyes as he cleared his lungs. When he opened them it was to see a small mountain of wet leather against his face. The leather which gleamed dully belonged to the toecap of a shoe. Above the shoe was a tree trunk of sodden material that formed a trouser leg. Above the trouser leg was Jaws. His mouth was open and his teeth parted in a grin that shone down like a naughty deed in a naughty world. Bond rested his head on his hands and regularized his breathing. Something told him that he was going to need every ounce of breath that he could find. "Perhaps I should finally execute you. Nevertheless!" quote:Jaws’s hand reached down and picked up Bond as if he was a floating toy being retrieved from a bath. With disdainful ease he dumped him down before the owner of the voice. siiiigh quote:Drax brushed the front of his black silk tunic as if picking off Bond’s remark like a speck of dust. ‘Always jokes, Mr Bond. A concomitant of the stiff upper lip, I suppose. The Englishman always laughs in the face of adversity. Well, I can promise you plenty to laugh at. It will be interesting to see if your sense of humour can keep pace with it.’ He nodded to Jaws and turned on his heel. Jaws thrust out a hand and Bond staggered forward. The familiar faces of two more girls had appeared and he noticed that they shared a common expression with the first three: disappointment. What miserable weddings has Wood gone to? quote:Drax led the way towards heavy metal doors that slid open at his approach and revealed a scene totally in contrast to the conservatory calm of the glass chamber. Tiers of technicians sat before ascending screens of overprinted monitors and the sounds of disembodied voices calling out technical information rang out like those of brokers in a stock market. Bond quickly saw that all the monitor screens had one thing in common. They revealed different stages of rockets being prepared for take-off. Rockets that were clearly intended to propel something into space. Bond watched giant claws swing slowly back from the winged spacecraft and saw the familiar lettering on the hull: MOONRAKER. Fresh words and symbols continuously flooded on to the flickering screens and Bond realized that he was watching the pre-launch procedure not for one but for several space shuttles. He turned to Drax, who was looking about him like a bishop in a newly consecrated cathedral. Do you really not, though? quote:‘Not even the briefest elucidation, Drax?’ Drax, having dropped all pretense of not being a generic villain explaining everything, casually tells Bond that he was right in noticing that animals and plants won't die to the orchid's nerve gas byproduct....while humans do. quote:‘Moonraker launch programme now commencing.’ The voice coming over the public address system temporarily drowned the babble of voices flooding the chamber. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4nLd4DRZWn0 GoldenEye 007 included a pair of bonus levels after the campaign. One of them was based on Moonraker, infiltrating an Aztec temple being used as the launch base for Drax's payload. It features plenty of guards in silly yellow jumpsuits, the aforementioned laser gun, and Jaws dual-wielding a pair of M16s as you exploit his inability to shoot up or down while on stairs. quote:Bond’s awe was nearly the equal of Jaws’s, and coupled with it was a growing sense of alarm. Why were these shuttles being put into orbit? What was Drax planning to do? All the time, at the back of Bond’s mind was the image of what he had seen at the glassworks. The two scientists sliding to the floor, their hands clutching at their throats. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgOfDyKDDF4 The first launch of a real Space Shuttle, STS-1, would occur two years later. The special effects crew failed to capture how incredibly violent such a massive launch really is. quote:‘Four shuttles in space?’ queried Bond. Not going to tell him your whole plan, huh? quote:Bond turned to Drax. ‘Tell me one thing. The Moonraker that was on its way to London and disappeared over Alaska. You hijacked that, didn’t you?’ Yes: Drax hijacked his own shuttle in an excessively dramatic way, starting an investigation leading to his downfall, because he was impatient. quote:‘And what is the operation?’ As Bond is led down the hallway, he makes the dramatically appropriate run-in with Holly Goodhead! They're both locked into what looks like an executive conference room. Bond fills her in on the basics of the shuttle launches. quote:Holly shook her head. ‘Where are the other two shuttles?’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIQuWwD0vh8 007 Nightfire, as I mentioned previously, also took heavily from this film for the ending. This includes a boss battle in the exhaust pit with a timed delay to get to safety before the rockets ignite. quote:‘Moonraker Five. Four minutes to lift-off.’ The technician’s voice rang out like that of a mortuary assistant. With three minutes to launch, Bond detaches the roundel from his watch face and strangely pulls out a spool of thread from the watch, connecting it to the roundel and running it along the room. quote:Holly looked first at him with an ironic questioning in her eye, and then down to the thread. ‘Are we supposed to pull?’ Bond and Holly scramble into the shaft as only a minute remains, the sides narrowing as they progress... quote:‘Ten... nine... eight...’ Somewhere behind them the referee was calling the count over a fallen fighter. Bond imagined the blowtorch of flame rushing up between his legs and wanted to cry out in horror. ‘Six... five...’ Ahead of him. Holly suddenly disappeared. He saw a square of green light and another shaft joining at right angles the one they were in. ‘Three... two... one... ignition... Lift off!’ Bond forced himself forward following Holly into the side tunnel. Barely had he pressed into the opening than a rush of orange flame roared past, making him scream with pain. He heard the noise of his hair singeing and smelt the scorched fabric of his clothing. The pain was agonizing and for several seconds he thought that he was going Thank you, Holly. quote:Bond urged Holly forward. ‘Keep going. I’m all right.’ He gritted his teeth against the pain and tried to find comfort in the fact that at the side of the shaft, somewhere near them, was a source of light and air. It was revealed as a grille giving on to a ledge of rock; the light was artificial and came from a lamp attached to. the rock beside the grille. Bond heard the sound of a motor vehicle going past, and then another. The public address system was barely audible in the distance. Bond surmised that they must be in some tunnel leading off the control chamber. Holly waited at the grille while Bond attacked it with his bleeding fingers. This one was a wire mesh construction that could be easily forced open. He crawled out on to the rock and lay still, feeling the unbelievable balm of cool air against his cheeks. Slowly, some semblance of life returned to his cramped limbs, and with it the responsibility of action. So far nothing had been achieved save the salvation of their own lives. But Bond had seen enough to know that many other lives were at stake.  quote:‘Come on.’ Bond forgot about the pain of his burns and scrambled down the side of the rock to the broad passageway. He held up a hand for Holly, but she was already beside him. From the direction from which the astronauts had come there was the sound of another vehicle approaching. Bond nudged Holly. ‘Stand by. We may be hitching a lift.’   The main jeeps used in the film were 1967 Austin Mini Mokes, small British utility vehicles emerging from a military light vehicle plan. They achieved most of their fame from the TV series The Prisoner, where they were used as village taxis, and are considered an icon of British 60s automotive culture. The exact vehicle Bond and Holly steal in the film is a custom FUTURE CART made on a Mini Moke chassis. quote:Four minutes later the jeep pulled out of the alcove with two figures in astronaut pilot uniform in the front seat. It trundled down the broad passageway and within the space of a few minutes, after a tiny hesitation at an intersection, emerged from the dark tunnel into a brightly lit chamber that throbbed with activity. At one end, rearing majestically, was Moonraker Six, with its attached fuel tank and rockets to take it into space. Resting against the structure like protective fingers were curved steel girders. They opened in unison as the jeep appeared from the tunnel. The huge rockets were trembling and beginning to make the high-pitched whining noise that had characterized the pre-lift-off build-up of Moonraker Five. The mobile elevator, against the cabin entrance to the space shuttle, was beginning to make its descent. A door over the passenger hold slid closed and the vehicle that had been transporting the twelve astronauts reversed beneath the gantry. Hope Bond and Holly aren't in any positions on the shuttle with actual responsibilities! quote:The driver nodded and stretched out his hand for his card. The guard hesitated for a moment and then returned the cards. He stepped back and the jeep continued to the waiting elevator. Above it the combined structure of the spacecraft and its boosters towered into the air, almost scraping the ceiling of the chamber. There was a grinding noise and the roof opened to reveal a diamond-shaped patch of blue sky. The two pilots stepped from the jeep and entered the elevator. With a hiss of compressed air it left the ground. Two pairs of eyes looked about them warily. Behind the glass of the control room, monitors, screens and consoles flashed up pictures, figures and printout messages. The unceasing interplay of voices droned across the open space, to be heard even above the whining of the rocket turbine pumps which set the teeth on edge. Unfortunately for the astronauts, the real Space Shuttle didn't have rotating seats. You just had to climb in and force yourself onto your back. quote:‘Two minutes to lift-off.’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wi2QVirXBVQ quote:Bond’s shoulders bent to the curvature of his seat. He sensed the rocket detach from its mooring and begin to lift slowly into the air. Through thecabin windows he could see fumes and dust billowing up. The control room was obscured. Within seconds he would be exposed to the mind-scrambling stress of the G force that had nearly taken his life on the centrifuge trainer. The needles on the control panels danced madly. The speed started to build up. His stomach felt as if it was being pushed down his body at the end of a hot metal rod. James Bond closed his eyes.
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Aug 18, 2020 02:57
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There's a lot about this film that didn't work, was just plain goofy in concept, or otherwise came short of what it could have been. The producers of Moonraker aimed high. The gondola scene, the Chang fight in the clock tower, the rail car it in Brazil, the boat chase down the wrong part of the Amazon, James Bond in loving space. They were honestly and sincerely trying to blow the audiences minds. It didn't land, but I respect the ambition.
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Aug 18, 2020 07:12
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chitoryu12 posted:Yes: Drax hijacked his own shuttle in an excessively dramatic way, starting an investigation leading to his downfall, because he was impatient. Could be worse; he could've got wrecked on acid and tweeted out his entire evil masterplan.
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Aug 18, 2020 09:50
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Chapter 15: Rendezvous in Spacequote:After an unspecifiable length of time, Bond opened his eyes. Only a slight trembling of the fuselage suggested movement. Beside him Holly reached forward and pressed a row of buttons. Immediately screens situated near the roof showed pictures of the other Moonrakers. ‘That’s the rest of the fleet.’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhIA8mw830Q The real life altitude of the Space Shuttle was between 190 and 330 miles above sea level. The constantly orbiting International Space Station sits at 254 miles. It's a surprisingly short distance to get into space. quote:A light on the control panel started to flash and Holly spoke with warning in her voice. ‘Don’t be alarmed. All that’s happening now is we’re going to jettison our fuel tank and roll over.’ Contrary to the book and movie, the Space Shuttle actually jettisoned its external fuel tank around 70 miles instead of while orbiting. As an Orlando kid, I've watched a lot of shuttle takeoffs both on TV and for real from my backyard. It was a common sight in elementary and middle school to see the glowing dot of a fireball and the wispy smoke trail going back to the horizon. quote:Bond smiled at Holly. ‘When I think of all the girls I know who would have been useless on this trip.’ How many guys did you think of who would have been useless? quote:Holly spoke with mock severity. ‘Don’t tell me about them.’ She leant forward and flicked another switch. A monitor directly in front of their seats threw up a picture of the twelve astronauts facing each other in two rows of six. Now the men and women had split up into pairs. ‘The personnel hold. They’re behind us.’ Catching a virus and throwing up in your cabin for the rest of the trip? quote:‘It hasn’t shown up in any of the logs I’ve read.’ Holly’s eyes continued to flicker over the control console and monitors. Bond settled back in his seat. There was nothing to do but wait, and even the pain of his burns could not overcome his desire for a cat-nap. He closed his eyes. James Bond will never miss the opportunity to sleep in hostile territory. quote:When he awoke it was to find Holly studying the bank of screens. The images of the Moonrakers were closing together. This is surprisingly true to real life for such an early period in space travel. In microgravity, the only motion felt is from whatever g-forces are applied to your body. Fiction series like The Expanse utilize this for their "artificial gravity", having ships direct their thrust under the passengers' feet (or more accurately, downward from their heads) to give them something to stand on. Once the acceleration ends, no matter how fast you're traveling, your body is floating. quote:‘That was the forward control rockets,’ said Holly calmly. ‘We’re entering an orbit.’  quote:‘A space station,’ breathed Holly. I have my doubts about how viable this would be. A major part of it is that it takes an incredible amount of time to build a space station; the far smaller International Space Station spent 13 years getting to its current size and still has modules planned for launch. For a book that tries in vain to ground itself to science, it's impossible to imagine Drax managing to build something so massive without a single person noticing anything. Radar jammers work by sending out radio signals to interfere with radar, overwhelming it until the target can't be picked out on a display. The more frequencies you have to cover, the less power you can dedicate to jamming any one of them. The Moonraker space station passing over a massive radio telescope (like the Arecibo Observatory that we'll see in GoldenEye) should easily pick it out. quote:Bond’s voice was thoughtful. ‘So nobody knows the space station is there?’ "Go gently caress yourself." quote:‘Moonraker Six — you are now in manual. Prepare to dock.’ The voice spoke again and the airways crackled. Holly manoeuvred a control column and Bond felt the Moonraker moving forward towards one of the satellites. Above a series of concentric roundels there was painted a numeral 6. Let's learn about centrifugal force! When in space, you obviously have no gravity to hold you down (technically speaking you do have gravity affecting you, hence the technical term "microgravity", but there's nowhere near enough from any body to be noticeable). A common theory has been on the use of centrifugal force, much like that of a Gravitron or similar carnival ride, in which a space station or spaceship rotates. The resulting force "sticks" you to the inside of the hull, allowing everything to be built on the "walls" relative to the spin. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FpPMeDqpXcc While this would theoretically work perfectly well in real life, it does have some downsides. In addition to the cost of construction, the spin is slower the closer you get to the center, causing "gravity" to gradually reduce until you would be in zero-gee in the dead center, out of contact with anything. The other problem is the Coriolis effect, which can be summarized as a falling object not moving exactly as fast as the floor is rotating underneath it. The spin is generally believed to have to be 2 RPM or less to prevent inner ear problems that would disorient someone aboard, and it could still theoretically cause issues with falling objects (or pouring liquids) or jumping people ending up significantly to the side of where they would have landed on a planet. Both of these are why you can't walk along the inside of a Gravitron; along with the severe disorientation of spinning so fast, the radius of rotation is so small that the "gravity" is greater at your head than at your feet. The Moonraker space station has two major problems. The first is that at its official film diameter of 260 meters, a mildly disorienting 2.6 RPM would be needed to provide artificial gravity. The second problem is more obvious: it's not a symmetrical station! There's a reason most fictional space stations with artificial gravity are spheres, rings, or cylinders. The Moonraker's randomly thrown-together design would cause equally random gravity depending on where you were! quote:Bond looked grim. ‘More or less normally until Drax catches up with us.’ He unclipped himself and encountered the weird sensation of weightlessness as he tried to rise to his feet. It would be a little more than "weird". Air resistance does very little to slow you down in practice. Trying to stand up normally from a chair in microgravity will send you sailing headfirst into the ceiling. quote:‘What do you suggest we do?’ asked Holly. I definitely see him as one! quote:‘At the moment I’d just like to see myself with an old age,’ said Bond. He reached forward and flicked up the switch. ‘Right. Let’s mingle — and steer clear of Drax.’ Oh look, the nerve gas spheres! All set up as if to be fired at Earth! By the guy who was talking about a civilization being wiped out by the orchid he used with a weird look on his face! I can't imagine what the plan is! quote:‘Did you see those in Venice?’ asked Bond. ‘I saw them being filled with nerve gas. Two people died.’ God you're so dumb. quote:They stepped through a door and entered the command satellite of the space station. It was constructed on three levels, with an elevator shaft running like a spindle from it to the central globe. There were a number of apron stages. On one of these was a giant instrument resembling a telescope protruding from the roof of the chamber, and next to it a console incorporating three monitor screens and a bank of switches and buttons. Around the edge of the sphere was a circular walkway with more consoles and screens built into the outer walls. These were manned by technicians in light green tunics. Long windows positioned at intervals looked out into space and towards the attendant satellites. From these the newly arrived astronauts were entering the chamber by means of the corridor tunnels, which criss-crossed at all levels, and fanning out around the walls.  quote:While Bond was looking about him in silent wonder, the elevator came to a halt behind the giant telescope and Drax stepped out. As he appeared, so the lights dimmed, and beyond the windows could be seen a million tiny pinpoints of distant stars. The feeling of being at the very hub of the universe was brilliantly conveyed. Bond was awed. This brings back more positive memories of Drax's speech in the original book, where he basically told the entire United Kingdom outright that he was nuking London and fled to a submarine while everyone looked confused. quote:Drax slowly extended his arms to embrace the gathering. A penumbra of light played about his head and softened the brutish hardness of his twisted features. ‘Here, in the untainted cradle of the heavens, will be created a new super-race. A race of perfect physical specimens. You have been selected as its progenitors. Like gods, your offspring will return to Earth and shape it in their image.’ Bond looked towards Holly. Her face echoed his incredulity. The lights continued to shine and behind Drax, in the shadows, they glinted on the cruel, vulpine faces of armed men. With a start of horror, Bond realized what the scene reminded him of: one of the Nazi rallies of the 1930s. Excitement, pageantry, showmanship, distortion, lies, genocide. The last word flared up in his mind in blazing letters. Drax’s voice continued. ‘But you will not be ordinary gods. You have all served in humble capacities in my terrestrial empire. You have learned that humility which is the sovereign bond of kingship.’ Bond looked again at the faces. The words were getting through to them. Chins were lifting, jaws setting with a new edge of purpose. They waited eagerly for what was to come. Drax extended his arms before him, his fists clenched. His voice rose slowly and demoniacally. Nobody could fault the delivery or the fervour. Only the words emerged as if dipped in some ghastly putrescence of the soul that made Bond feel physically sick. ‘Your seed, like yourselves, will pay deference to the ultimate dynasty which I alone shall have created. From their first day on Earth your descendants will be able to look up and know that there is rule and order in the heavens.’ Oh just that part, then? quote:Holly squeezed his hand. ‘Me too. I guess it must be on another floor or in one of the satellites. We’d better take the elevator.’ I dunno, some college football coaches have definitely committed crimes Drax hasn't! quote:Mingling with astronauts and technicians, Bond and Holly followed one of the corridor tunnels to the elevator shaft. With a hiss the door slid open and Bond quickly turned to face Holly. Filling the elevator as if packed in it was Jaws. Bond pretended to be preoccupied by some detail on Holly’s uniform and waited until her wary eyes returned to his. ‘He’s gone.’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Doz5w2W-jAY It is, of course, completely in character for Bond to not realize that Professor Higgins is an egotistical misogynist and this song is meant to make him look like an idiot, reciting all of the negative traits he himself has and assigning them to a female stereotype to cover up his own failings in his relationship with Eliza. quote:Holly grabbed him. ‘When I said you must be careful, I was referring to the fact that we have now arrived in a zero-gravity area.’ Her tone was gracious. No, velcro has never been seriously considered as a method of walking in zero-gee. The Apollo 16 mission report even determined that not only would velcro be useless at keeping a human stuck to the floor, it was impossible to thoroughly clean after returning their suits from walking on the Moon and getting lunar dust all over it. quote:‘So we’re right in the centre of the space station?’ Horny Counter: 23 for how he describes the lasers. quote:Bond waited until the guards had moved on and then looked inside the sphere himself. At first he thought he was looking beneath the surface of a swimming pool. Half a dozen young men and women appeared to be gliding through water. Then he realized that they were drifting weightlessly in zero-gravity; that the sphere was being used as a kind of space gymnasium. Before him a beautiful girl in a leotard hung suspended as if frozen in the middle of a swallow dive. Her arms were flung wide, her back curved, her unsupported breasts melding gracefully into the forward sweep of her body. The girl turned her head and her eyes met Bond’s. She smiled. For a few seconds Bond forgot that he was a man who smoked and drank too much and lived on borrowed time. With this Bond? I forgot too! Man's barely had a cigarette in ages. quote:Then Holly’s hand drew him away like a child from a sweet shop window. ‘Look at this.’ She led him to another porthole. Bond looked inside and saw a smaller sphere containing two familiar figures: the astronauts he had seen embracing in the personnel hold of Moonraker Six. Now they were naked and drifting in zero-gravity as if performing a sensuous mating ballet. A soft pink light throbbed at the speed of a heartbeat and fingers stretched out to touch, stroke and caress. Slowly, the light dimmed and the two bodies began to join into one. You left the blinds open? Horny Counter: 24 for your lack of care! quote:Bond turned away from the window. ‘Somebody’s taking Drax’s advice to heart.’ Bond and Holly keep their heads down enough to take cover by sitting at a table for a meal. Jaws enters behind them, forcing them to pretend to eat like everyone else. quote:Bond looked around again and turned to Holly. ‘Where do we have to go for food?’ As if Bond ever set foot in a movie theater. If you wanted an actual Kubrick wine, A Clockwork Orange used 1960 Chateau Beau-Site Haut Vignoble Saint-Estephe Medoc, a red blend of almost half and half Cabernet Sauvignon and Merlot, with a little Petit Verdot. quote:‘Worried, too. I don’t like the look of those spheres we saw poking out of the side of the big globe. As soon as we’ve done something about the radar jamming system, we’ll take a look.’ As if that would stop him from loving around. quote:‘You chose an excellent moment to remind me,’ said Bond. ‘All right. Will you accept a respectful submission that we should take steps to check whether those spheres are full of nerve gas and ready to be launched?’ What, did he eat a few crew on the way here? quote:‘It depends who the heavy is,’ said Bond. He pressed a button marked ‘disposal’ and a flap in the centre gully opened as the tray and its contents tilted to slide into it. The table was now ready to receive more diners. Wishing his love interest hadn't been deleted from the book. quote:Bond cursed to himself and led the way up a steel spiral staircase which gave on to another circular corridor with doorless rooms leading off it. He looked inside one and saw that it was a dormitory with beds arranged in twos, separated by curved partitions like the petals of a flower. A couple of astronauts were sleeping in one of the cubicles, their hands stretching out towards each other across the intersection, fingertips touching as they rested on the floor. Horny Counter: 24 because these guys just won't loving quit loving! quote:He was turning towards Holly for a reaction when Jaws appeared in the doorway. Bond quickly lifted his table and a startled Holly suddenly found his hand over her mouth as the partition panels closed above them. ‘Jaws!’ Bond whispered the word and Holly’s sharp nails withdrew from the flesh on the back of his hand. She lay still, looking with Bond towards the end of the beds. A huge dark outline showed that Jaws was standing in the middle of the dormitory. For seconds he did not move and then, as there was a gasp of pleasure from the beds opposite, the shadow withdrew. Bond waited a few more moments and then kissed Holly tenderly behind the ear before lowering the table. Noiselessly, the partitions slid back to their original position. There was no sign of Jaws. Bond swung his feet off the bed and made for the corridor. It was empty. Holly appeared beside him and they made their way back down the spiral staircase and along the gallery. There were few people about at this level, and they entered the tunnel leading to Satellite Two without passing anyone. Bond approached the door marked ‘Electric Camouflage Unit’ and peered through a glass panel. In the centre of a circular room was a bank of electrical circuits looking like a telephone exchange. Two technicians in white tunics were visible, seated before consoles at the far side of the room. They were watching monitors on which horizontal zig-zag lines chased each other from left to right. Bond turned to Holly and tapped his clenched fist against his palm. She nodded. Making it into the radar jamming room is quite easy: the lazy guard on duty finds Holly's face vaguely familiar and opens the door without question, resulting in a punch to the jaw. quote:The second technician turned as Holly burst into the room. He started to rise to his feet and reached beside him for his laser torch. Holly swung her arm and a vicious karate chop sank into his stretched neck muscles. Crying out in pain and surprise, he swung a right hook. Holly swayed outside it and struck again with the side of her hand. This time there was no sound save that of the man collapsing at her feet. This woman is a CIA agent who outranks you. quote:‘No. Vassar.’ Holly moved swiftly to the centre stack and began pulling out banks of wires. Bond dropped to his knees and started trussing up the technicians. Holly took the laser torch and directed it at the circuit system. The thin ray of murderous green light played on the metal and smoke quickly rose into the air. The radar jamming system was melting into a foulsmelling glutinous mass. ‘Switched off?’ said Bond. Vassar is a liberal arts college in Poughkeepsie. Holly Goodhead has managed to rise farther than Bond despite a less prestigious background. But she's a woman so she sucks. quote:‘You could put it like that. Let’s say: non-operational.’ chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 06:19 on Aug 20, 2020 |
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Aug 20, 2020 06:12
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chitoryu12 posted:Let's learn about centrifugal force! Here's a real good example of the Coriolis Effect from The Expanse. This scene takes place on Ceres, which has been hollowed out as a mining concern/habitat and set spinning : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryrGPjyKhO4 (The show in general has been extremely accurate when it comes zero/micro-gravity physics portrayal. In fact it's pretty scientifically sound in general for Sci Fi show. Except for the exo-tech. And the hyper efficient ship drives that run on magic.)
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Aug 20, 2020 14:26
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chitoryu12 posted:
He told everyone he was launching Starlink satellites and then stuck them all together? chitoryu12 posted:Radar jammers work by sending out radio signals to interfere with radar, overwhelming it until the target can't be picked out on a display. The more frequencies you have to cover, the less power you can dedicate to jamming any one of them. The Moonraker space station passing over a massive radio telescope (like the Arecibo Observatory that we'll see in GoldenEye) should easily pick it out. Plus there's no such thing as light jammers (well, not in the invisibility screen sense) and it's not painted black. Some amateur astronomer should have eyeballed it long since. chitoryu12 posted:The Moonraker space station has two major problems. The first is that at its official film diameter of 260 meters, a mildly disorienting 2.6 RPM would be needed to provide artificial gravity. The second problem is more obvious: it's not a symmetrical station! There's a reason most fictional space stations with artificial gravity are spheres, rings, or cylinders. The Moonraker's randomly thrown-together design would cause equally random gravity depending on where you were! I actually kind of like the design - you could even try and excuse it as the spheres having different masses so the asymmetry is to stop the spin being thrown off. But the big, BIG problem with spinning that station is that as soon as you try the shuttles are all hanging from their entry tubes at whatever g you've spun the station up to. chitoryu12 posted:No, velcro has never been seriously considered as a method of walking in zero-gee. The Apollo 16 mission report even determined that not only would velcro be useless at keeping a human stuck to the floor, it was impossible to thoroughly clean after returning their suits from walking on the Moon and getting lunar dust all over it. I think he's just nicking that straight from the shuttle hostess in 2001. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0iiXUeil5fQ chitoryu12 posted:Horny Counter: 24 because these guys just won't loving quit loving! I do not think "opaque" means what this author thinks it means. chitoryu12 posted:This woman is a CIA agent who outranks you. And she's the one doing all the loving work! Note there's no suggestion that one of them deal with the radar jamming and one of them with the GENOCIDE GLASS GLOBES. chitoryu12 posted:Vassar is a liberal arts college in Poughkeepsie. Holly Goodhead has managed to rise farther than Bond despite a less prestigious background. She managed to get into NASA astronaut training with a liberal arts degree!
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Aug 20, 2020 14:32
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After some thought (and realizing I was very tired when doing the last chapter), I am upgrading to Horny Counter: 26 for the "unsupported breasts" of zero gee.
chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 04:15 on Aug 21, 2020 |
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Aug 21, 2020 02:14
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chitoryu12 posted:After some thought (and realizing I was very tired when doing the last chapter), I am upgrading to Horny Counter: 25 for the "unsupported breasts" of zero gee. Make it 26, you had two 24s last update.
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Aug 21, 2020 04:02
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Midjack posted:Make it 26, you had two 24s last update. I was really tired okay
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Aug 21, 2020 04:14
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Chapter 16: Can you See Me Mother Earth?quote:Above Gregor Sverdlov’s head there was six feet of air, twelve feet of reinforced concrete and thirty feet of snow. At the Soviet army listening post in the Severnyy Anyuyskiy Khrebet the winters were long. Longer, it was said, than the intervals between the arrival of the samovars of lukewarm tea sweetened with the new state sweetener that left a taste of bitterness on the tongue akin to poison. It was rumoured that the aftertaste was due to a special ingredient added to eradicate anti-revolutionary sentiments, especially those that might be induced by contemplation of the vital parts of women. Gregor Sverdlov rubbed his hands together and looked round hopefully for sight of the creature, believed to be female, who brought the samovar. It was the tea that he was interested in, not the woman. To look upon her unwholesome appearance was merely to duplicate what the state was trying to achieve with its bromide. The woman not only discouraged amorous thoughts, she drove them before her like Gadarene swine eager to find any cliff to leap over. This is the Russian language name for the South Anyui Range, a mountain range in the middle of nowhere slightly to the west of the dead center of Russia. quote:It was cold in the bunker. Not as cold as outside, where the radio masts lifted above the pines and the snowy wastes reached to the frozen waters of the Chaunskaya Guba, but cold enough to pinch a man’s bones as if an undertaker with icy fingers was counting them. Gregor Sverdlov stood up, swung his arms across his body and strolled down the room. Another hour before he was off duty, free to trudge through the banked snow to the log cabin he shared with eleven other radar operatives. The stove would be nearly out and the airless fug only marginally preferable to asphyxiation, but it would be warm. It was something to look forward to. Something more immediate than the day eighteen months hence when he was due to be released from the army. Russia! quote:Gregor Sverdlov turned as he reached the end of the long console and cast a bored eye along the row of monitors. Immediately he started forward. Something was wrong. He pushed buttons. and twisted knobs. Something was still wrong. The satellite Kalinin was not due over for another twenty minutes. Why was he getting this signal? Surely he had not fallen asleep? The very thought of having committed a crime so heinous made him shiverwith a fear that took over his body from the cold. But if he had not fallen asleep, how could he have avoided seeing this object enter his area? It could not suddenly appear in space. He operated the space tracker and the advance position spotter and waited nervously and impatiently whilst the machine churned and groaned over the information he had fed into it. Eventually there was the sound of mechanical spewing and a small print card entered his hand, covered in crisp perforations. Cut to the United States. General Scott of the USMC is awoken by a ringing phone with a red light on his bedside table. He finds himself on a conference call with General Gogol of the Soviet Union, finally appearing in the books since his replacement in The Spy Who Loved Me, angrily accusing the Moonraker station of being an American plot. quote:A wave of static broke over his words and he leant forward to pull back the curtain beside the bed. A siren was screaming and a lorry load of U.S. Space Marines converging on a shuttle and rocket positioned in the middle of a launching pad. The area was lit by searchlights like the start of a Twentieth Century-Fox film. Gogol doesn't disapprove of the US sending their own shuttle up to examine the situation. Scott gets on the phone with the president; they're sending in the space Marines, with orders to destroy the mysterious station if necessary. quote:Gogol leant back against the pillow and his brows wrinkled in concentration. Were the Americans telling the truth or were they trying to provoke the first confrontation in space between the two great powers? The implications of such a course of action could be far-reaching and terrifying. Fortunately the satellite Kalinin was well able to defend herself. She must be prepared to bring her defensive capability to bear in an L.P.A. role. In Soviet army terminology L.P.A. stood for Liquidation of Potential Attacker. Back aboard the space station, Bond and Holly emerge from the control room they punched their way into. Looking out the window toward the cylinder with the nerve gas spheres, they spot one missing. Bond notes they have a problem. quote:‘Yes.’ Holly was not looking at Bond but over his shoulder. Her eyes were wide with fear. Bond spun round and saw Jaws looming above him like an angry bear. His arms were spread wide and his teeth bared like two rows of organ pipes. The huge hands clenched and Bond ducked and dived to one side. As Holly raised the laser torch that she had taken from one of the technicians, Jaws grabbed it and squeezed. The metal extruded from his fist like toothpaste. Jaws struck again and a metal guide rail was snapped off to fly across the floor. Bond threw himself on it and rose to lash out with a blow that struck Jaws on the side of the jaw. There was a loud dong and the metal buckled. Jaws smiled. He came forward again and Bond jabbed with cruel force for his crutch. Again there was a dong. Jaws’s face registered distaste, like a vicar being told a crude joke. He still came forward. Bond spun round desperately. Before his nose was the threatening bulb of a laser gun; behind that a Drax guard with a determined expression on his face. Two other guards were covering him, each with a laser gun. Bond raised his hands in submission. ‘All right,’ he said. ‘Take me to your leader.’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1t62WCanA8w quote:Drax moved away from the giant telescope and dusted his fingers together. It was a gesture he indulged in when savouring moments of satisfaction. To see a master plan approaching its execution produced a series of such moments. I keep forgetting this Drax is meant to look like Fleming's. quote:A second technician manipulated the switches of his console and then spoke in a puzzled voice. ‘Jamming power supply and back-up are out, sir. We can be observed.’ Well, it sounds like they're pretty hosed if those globes were being launched straight at Earth! quote:The elevator hissed open and Bond and Holly emerged, dwarfed by the figure of Jaws. Drax looked upon them coldly. His lip curled. "Hopefully you haven't already begun launching your evil plan, and also have no defenses." quote:‘I will show you how we deal with uninvited guests, Mr Bond.’ Drax bit off the words and turned to the technician who had given warning that the Kalinin was changing course. ‘What news of the Russian satellite?’ Of course, it would be impossible to see a laser in space like this. Lasers are simply focused light, and if there's nothing for them to reflect off of (like smoke or dust) they're completely invisible. The only reason I'm bringing this up is that Wood represented this accurately with the "laser torch" demonstrated by Q Branch earlier, where the mannequin head simply began to melt as the weapon strobed, but the later chapters seem to have forgotten this and reverted to standard sci-fi ray guns as seen in the movie. quote:Drax turned to Bond with a smile of understated triumph. ‘You see, Mr Bond, we are well able to take care of ourselves. Something which only a liar or a deranged optimist could say about you in your present situation.’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQRShD0xuAk quote:‘But never played on such a finely tuned instrument.’ Drax waved his arms about him. ‘Come, Mr Bond. Do not grudge me your admiration. Surely, even with English understatement, you would describe me as a genius?’ Who's ready for some Malthusian bullshit? quote:Drax’s brow contracted into an unforgiving frown. ‘The reason is one that any man of normal intelligence and powers of observation should be able to grasp in seconds. It concerns population, Mr Bond. You are no doubt aware that the population of the world has increased from a figure beneath 2,300 millions in 1940 to over 4,000 millions at the present time. Have you any idea what the demographers prognosticate for the year 2070? A world population of 25,000 million! Does that figure not horrify you? A world crawling like a barrel of maggots and its population dying like flies. Pestilence, starvation, war. How can we hope to feed all those people, Mr Bond? By that time we shall have irrevocably poisoned our last remaining unexploited source of food, the oceans. There will be nothing left. Only one tried method exists for man to control his numbers: war. And what happens when there is war? Destruction. Not only of human life but of the one thing that still makes man’s existence worthwhile: art. Books, paintings, buildings, the finest legacies of countless civilizations, all that can enrich the human spirit, will be lost as man’s capacity for self-destruction exceeds his ability to control it. I revere this artistic heritage too much to allow it to be destroyed. I could turn my back and form my own civilization in space, but I believe that this would be to renege upon my responsibilities. I will not abandon Earth, I will save it! Our current civilization, if I can use such an implicitly laudatory term for it, will surely destroy itself. By accelerating the process I can protect those priceless monuments of history that it would demolish at the same time. I can give the Earth time to replenish its plundered resources, the sea will become pure, the air breathable again. I do not exaggerate, Mr Bond. Our own scientists have told us that within twenty years the trashy waste materials with which we pollute the atmosphere will have depleted the ozone layer around Earth dangerously. Skin cancer will increase alarmingly and the weather become more unpredictable. Droughts, floods, typhoons, holocausts. The precursors of the inevitable end. The slow, maimed, painful, purposeless end. Can you not see the irrefutable wisdom of what I am in the process of doing, Mr Bond? Without any racial discrimination I have selected the finest specimens, combining both mental and physical excellence. It is they and their offspring who will colonize the new Earth when the nerve gas has done its work and time has been left for nature to take her course. A new civilization can be built upon the framework of all that was best in several million years of human existence.’ While climate change is real, the world has been destroyed at a much slower pace than Drax believed. The world has been slowly, agonizingly, turning back from the brink despite hiccups like *waves hands at the current American administration*. Not only have we not had mass starvation by 2020, we actually overproduce food to the point where massive wastage is common when it can't be sold or given away in time. The projected population by 2070 is now only 8 to 11 billion. To give an example of how science of the prior decades turned out wrong, let's learn about chlorella.  After World War II, it was feared that an uncontrollable population boom would cause the end of the world as we knew it. Scientists worked like mad to find a solution. One possible miracle came in the form of a single-celled algae with a photosynthetic efficiency of 20%, absurdly higher than any other crop. It's high in protein and many other nutrients. With insufficient land to reach the agricultural capacities projected to feed the explosively growing population, science turned to alternative solutions like algae factories to feed the poor. Science magazines predicted that not only would the planet be saved, but mankind's diet would be permanently changed. The world would feed itself through artificial foods like those later seen in Soylent Green, produced in factories rather than farms. Common pond scum, the lowly single-celled organism ordinarily scorned, would be our new partner into the future. So why aren't we eating algae bread right now? It turns out chlorella was a superfood....in strict laboratory conditions. It had to be grown in artificial lighting conditions in carbonated water, with a highly involved process to harvest the crop and pulverize its cell walls. Once the algae left the lab, everything theorized about it failed. Scientists were found to be playing fast and loose with the figures, as more fantastic speculation gained greater attention in journals. The actual efficiency of the crop in practice was only 2.5%, peaking at about 8% in the best conditions, with costs high enough to still restrict it to specialized uses like animal feed and pseudoscientific health foods to this day. And it kinda tastes like crap anyway. The actual solution was much more boring when put into a magazine: better farming. Hybrid seeds, increasing mechanization, subsidized irrigation, transportation improvements, and more all combined to gain much higher yields than ever predicted. quote:Drax shook his head sadly. ‘It is always a mistake to bandy words with fools. I will not repeat it.’ As usual, Drax's insistence on overly dramatic murder will be his downfall. quote:Jaws moved forward with grim relish and depressed the metal lever on the door. It opened with a hiss to reveal a small compartment in which two men might stand crouched. What was clearly the outer hatch to space had a transparent window which was a twin of that in the first door. As Bond eyes one of the astronauts he had previously seen in California, he compares him to the misshapen form of Jaws. And he gets an idea: what if Jaws knew he wasn't destined to be part of Drax's perfect world? He asks Drax what physical and mental standards are necessary. quote:Drax saw the look and hesitated before replying. ‘You are attempting to raise emotive questions which are irrelevant. Jaws — expel them.’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xx4t4fBIY88 The film, by adding Dolly, goes so far as to turn Jaws into one of the good guys. Apparently aware of his popularity with the fanbase after his first appearance, realizing that he and his surprise love interest would be disposed of is enough to turn him against Drax. quote:‘Expel them!’ Drax took a step forward as the guards closed in. The laser gunner started his final count-down. Bond braced himself as Jaws’s hands slowly rose. Then they clamped down on the two guards and crashed their heads together. Bond snatched up a laser torch and dived for the rotation thrusters. To a background of screams and shouts he tore open the transparent cover and hauled at the handle marked ‘Emergency Stop’. chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 06:19 on Aug 21, 2020 |
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Aug 21, 2020 05:43
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chitoryu12 posted:Chapter 16: Can you See Me Mother Earth? Should he be surprised?
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Aug 21, 2020 05:55
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These are not the dongs you're looking for
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Aug 21, 2020 11:03
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chitoryu12 posted:As Bond eyes one of the astronauts he had previously seen in California, he compares him to the misshapen form of Jaws. And he gets an idea: what if Jaws knew he wasn't destined to be part of Drax's perfect world? Why did Drax bring his enormous freakish henchman along in the first place? He's got guards with lasers in case any of his perfect human breeding specimens decide to do a Tessmacher when they find out the plan is to wipe out the rest of the human race, so what does he need a mercenary hitman for? vvv Fair enough vvv Runcible Cat fucked around with this message at 21:31 on Aug 21, 2020 |
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Aug 21, 2020 17:49
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Runcible Cat posted:Why did Drax bring his enormous freakish henchman along in the first place? He's got guards with lasers in case any of his perfect human breeding specimens decide to do a Tessmacher when they find out the plan is to wipe out the rest of the human race, so what does he need a mercenary hitman for? Brooding.
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Aug 21, 2020 20:53
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Chapter 17: Take the Weight Off Your Feetquote:Immediately Bond felt as if he was in a vehicle that had crashed into a brick wall. The handle tore itself from his grasp and he smashed against an unidentifiable object with a force that threatened to break both shoulder and collar bone. He slid across the floor and arrived against the wall of the globe. Around him was every article of furniture that had not been anchored to the floor, and most of the people in the chamber. The lights flickered madly and the air was full of the screams of men crying out in pain and terror. Bond tried to struggle to his feet and felt himself at the mercy of total weightlessness. Something bumped into him and he pushed it away to feel a sticky substance on his hand. It was blood. Blood from one of the Drax guards that Jaws had dealt with. The side of his head was smashed in like an empty eggshell. Bond shook free of the dead embrace and looked out of a window into space. This is, uh, not exactly how the film portrayed it. I'm also wondering just how safe it is to have this handle! With no air in space, the station will continue to rotate itself without the need for constant thrust. This would have to immediately fire thrusters in the opposite direction to bring the station to an instant stop, an action that's clearly highly destructive to everyone and everything on board, and has nothing protecting it except one plastic cover! quote:Keeping pace with the space station, a hundred feet from it, was a U.S. shuttle, the white star plainly visible on the fuselage. From an open hatch a stream of space marines poured out as if making an inverted parachute drop. Bond’s heart exalted as he saw the white space suits, helmets and back-packs with built-in oxygen supplies and hand-operated propulsion units. Like a skein of geese the marines converged on the space station. You may be asking yourself "Why does the USMC have space shuttles ready to launch full of Space Marines when the plot hinged on Drax funding NASA's shuttle project to the point of needing to steal his own shuttle back to make up time on his plot?" I don't loving know and the author's dead! quote:Bond turned away from the window as a streak of bright laser light passed above his shoulder. There was no sight of Drax, and Holly had also disappeared. The main action concentrated around Jaws who was manoeuvring an unanchored console like a battering ram. As Bond watched, he took advantage of the zero-gravity to force three Draxites back against the outer wall and press the life out of them as if they were the last half inch of a tube of toothpaste. Bond clawed his way with difficulty to a position near the lift column and aimed his laser torch at a Draxite who was drawing a bead on Jaws. The light snaked across the room and a thin spurt of flame sprouted from the man’s neck. His arms spread out and he hung in space as if taking part in a levitation experiment. Bond twisted his head and looked out of the nearest observation slot. Yeah, Wood's just abandoned any sense of continuity with the first depiction of the laser in Brazil here. quote:Like fierce rain against a window pane, the rays of confronting laser guns criss-crossed the void. A stream of Draxites had emerged to give battle in space, and as Bond watched a space marine was hit in the chest. His suit momentarily swelled and then, as if fired from a catapult, he shot backwards, accelerating into infinity. Bond shuddered. What a death. For those who were disabled and drifted away the end was even more horrible. They would travel through space until their oxygen ran out and they slowly died. Without enough oxygen a man would suffocate and his space suit would become a tomb perpetually orbiting Earth. Burial in the sky. How many tin cans were there in space rattling with skeletons? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pG5v7ng0o4A The Star Wars influence that led to the sudden production of Moonraker can be easily seen in the laser battle, and it remains one of the few parts of the movie that's usually praised purely for looking cool. It still holds the world record for the largest number of zero gravity wires used in one shot. Of course, one can easily see how Star Wars surpasses it. That film used blank-firing guns to provide authentic smoke and muzzle flash and much punchier sound effects by the 28-year-old genius Ben Burtt, in addition to far more subtle blaster bolt effects and a grittier design aesthetic. Despite ostensibly being set in the real world, Moonraker manages to come off as less authentic than a space opera in another galaxy. quote:A bright light flared momentarily and Bond saw that one of the moored Moonrakers had been attacked and was aligned at the side of its satellite. Some of the Draxites were operating one-man globular space carts with laser guns mounted in the nose gun. They seemed to possess a defensive shield that made them less vulnerable to attack. Despite the opposition, the space marines were pressing in against the side of the space. station like swarming bees. Bond knew that he had to help them get in; also to stop any more spheres of nerve gas being released. Picking his way through the floating debris he made for the exit tunnel which he estimated would lead him to the interior of the globe-launching tube. The other side of the chamber Jaws was still fighting for survival. And still winning. A Draxite who had strayed within reach of his great hands sailed across the chamber to fold against the elevator shaft like a rag doll that had lost most of its stuffing. Again, that Emergency Stop handle is an awful idea! quote:Wielding his laser torch with extreme care, Bond directed the beam on the machinery that operated the launch mechanism. Within seconds it was knotting into molten worm casts. If Drax wanted to launch any more spheres he would have to manhandle them to the nearest airlock chamber. Bond finished destroying the launching apparatus and looked round the wrecked room. A conveyor belt of globes ran round the walls and disappeared through a hole to what was presumably another chamber where they were stored. Bond hesitated and then decided against tampering with the globes. The risk of accidentally releasing the gas was too great. The moment to sacrifice his own life might not be too far off, but it had not yet arrived with certainty. Bond suddenly looks out the window and sees that the station laser is being aimed at the US shuttle! There's no way he can get to it in time with the lack of gravity....unless he approaches from space. quote:Bond prized open the door and clawed his way back down the corridor. He recalled passing an airlock chamber. Through the transparent viewing panel he had glimpsed that it contained two space suits. If they were equipped with propulsion units he might be able to let himself out of the airlock and manoeuvre his way to the turret. He pulled himself along the corridor again, knowing that he was battling against time. Ahead, three Draxites moved clumsily across an intersection. They looked towards him but took no action. They were concentrating on the threat from outside. Bond found the airlock chamber and pulled down the lever. The inner door swung open and he seized one of the space suits and started to pull it on. It was a cumbersome thing to wield at the best of times but in a weightless situation and with time running out, the effort frayed nerves and fingers. Eventually it was on and he secured the helmet and turned on the oxygen supply. Now he could breathe in space; but could he move through it? Bond contracted his gauntleted hands and felt his power supply convert to forward thrust. In principle this should propel him through space like a human jet aeroplane. In principle. Bond had never tried it in practice. Already he was sweating, and not only because of the space suit. He twisted uncomfortably and looked up towards the laser turret. The gun was traversing. He turned and looked for the shuttle. There was no sign of it. For a moment his heart stopped. Then he realized what must have happened. Either by accident or design, the shuttle had dropped back to a position behind one of the satellites that projected from the main globe. The laser gunner dared not fire for fear that he would destroy his own space station. This long-winded segment is not in the film. Instead Bond, Holly, and Jaws quickly meet up with the Spess Marines to raid the control center and cause a lot of people to fall off tall things. quote:Bond came to his senses as panic engulfed him. He must use his propulsion unit! If he did nothing he would be left in an orbit of his own. Bond squeezed his hands and immediately felt a pressure behind him as if someone had given him a shove in the small of the back. The distance to the space station began to close. Relief was quickly counterbalanced by a new fear as a laser ray passed dangerously close. An American space marine had fired at him, thinking that he was a Draxite. Bond pulled out his laser torch and accelerated until he was against the outside wall of the corridor from which he had emerged. He turned anxiously and saw that his attacker was engaging a globular space cart that had appeared from behind one of the satellites. As battle was joined, Bond located the gun turret and started to move along the corridor towards the central globe. To take a short cut was to become involved in the main area of the space battle, and he did not want to risk a confrontation with an American space marine. Neither did he want the laser gunner to see him approaching. There was also a powerful fear of losing tactile contact with the space station. Bond had not forgotten his first terrifying impression of what it must be like to be marooned in space. He hovered close to the corridor and pressed on towards the central globe.  Bond's thrusters (and in turn the ones with mounted lasers used in the space battle in the film) are based on work that had been done to create what would eventually become the Manned Maneuvering Unit, first deployed in 1984 on STS-41-B. It has two controllers, one for each hand, to control 24 maneuvering thrusters using pressurized nitrogen as a propellant. It was discontinued before the end of the year, as a safety review after the Challenger destruction found it to be very risky to use compared to a simple tether to the ship, or merely using manipulator arms controlled from inside the ship to interact with satellites. The process of donning this suit and rig was also vastly more complicated than Bond found it. Putting on the spacesuit alone is a 45-minute process at a minimum to don and assemble the multiple layers, assuming everything is fully charged and the suit is properly fitted to the astronaut, followed by at least an hour breathing oxygen to acclimate to the suit pressure before exiting the vessel. quote:Now he was almost at the central globe, and he accelerated forward and tried to find something to cling to. The moving surface brushed him aside and he spun backwards to collide with the curved surface of a corridor arm as it built up speed. The force of impact glued him to its side and he was borne forward as if flattened against the spoke of a revolving wheel. Stretching out an arm, he found a perforated metal seam that followed the line of the corridor, and clung to it. Thank God he was near the centre of the station. Facing him across the void, he saw an American space marine trying to cling to a corridor arm from a position nearer to a satellite. Helpless against the build-up of centrifugal force, the unhappy man started to slide down towards the satellite and was then tossed into space like a screw of paper dropped on the edge of a spinning disc. Bond watched the man disappear into space and felt sick. Sick with pain, pity and — above all — fear.
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Aug 23, 2020 18:45
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Chapter 18: A Dream Dies Screamingquote:Bond blinked against the sweat that was soaking down through his eyebrows and twisted his head to look up at the laser turret just visible above the curve of the globe. The U.S. shuttle was now at its mercy. Bond looked along the metal seam he was clinging to and saw that it joined the central globe. Another protruding lip rose towards the turret. The handle is stuck. Bond manages to use his laser torch to heat the metal enough that he can tear the handle open, but the torch flies into space as he does. quote:As if they had been leaning against the hatch, three men were sucked through the door with a chaos of equipment that represented everything not battened to the floor of the gun turret. The men hung before Bond’s eyes for a moment as if making a free-fall parachute drop and then were snatched from sight, disappearing fast into space. Bond swallowed, and clawed his way back round the hatch to the opening. He hauled himself up on the floor and slowly rose to a kneeling position. His breath was coming almost faster than the oxygen unit could cope with, and he paused before stealing out an arm and pulling the hatch shut. Now for the first time he really believed that he had succeeded. The gun crew had been expelled into space; the immediate danger to the U.S. shuttle was over. He rested on his knees for a few moments and then drew himself up to stumble past the laser gunner’s console and down the short flight of steps that led to a steel door. Bracing himself, he activated the opening mechanism and found himself emerging in a circular gallery which he guessed must be situated on the far side of the station from the dormitories. He closed the door behind him and immediately responded to the conditions of re-entry into artificial gravity. Now he could move normally, if clumsily. He tore off his helmet and moved towards the sounds of battle that were coming from below. From what he could hear, it seemed that the U.S. space marines had broken into the station. If they could wipe out the Draxites quickly there might still be a chance of catching up with the three nerve gas globes before they entered the Earth’s atmosphere. There were so many events falling one on top of the other that it was difficult to select an order of priorities. Where were Holly and Jaws? Were they still alive? How slow are those nerve gas globes flying? quote:Bond descended a spiral staircase and emerged into a long corridor that led to one of the satellites. There was a smell of burning and the lights flickered madly. Bond guessed that the space station was out of control. It only needed a severe breach in the outside wall and they would all suffer the fate of the gun turret crew. Space would suck them out like bone marrow. Okay, I'll give that line credit. quote:Bond began to raise his hands as if in a gesture of abject submission. Then with a sharp crack a vent appeared in his gauntlet. Drax clutched at the left-hand side of his chest. A dart protruded from between his fingers. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sXnYoBCJGwI quote:‘Heartbroken, Mr Drax.’ Bond’s words were no less of a jibe. He stepped forward and depressed the lever of the inner door of the air-lock chamber as Drax’s faltering fingers brushed against it. The laser gun had already dropped to the floor. ‘Allow me.’ Bond threw the door open with old-world courtesy and Drax staggered back to rest against the door that led into space. He looked from Bond to his chest as if unable to believe what had happened. ‘Cyanide,’ said Bond shortly. ‘A new world starts in thirty seconds.’ He started to close the inner door as Drax’s hand rose to stave off the inevitable. Bond slammed the door ruthlessly and moved his hand to the lever marked ‘Space Door Release’. Without pausing, he depressed it. Glimpsed through the porthole, Drax’s mouth was open wide, but he uttered no sound. His cheeks hollowed and his skin suddenly shrank on his body as if the core had been taken out of him. His eyes vanished and he hung in the air like a great, hulking scarecrow snatched up by the wind. Then he was drawn away by invisible strings, becoming smaller and smaller until he was no larger than the distant stars he had set out to emulate. Bond turned quickly as running footsteps brought Holly to his side. She clung to his arm. ‘Thank God! What’s happening? Where’s Drax?’ "There's no such thing as girls in NASA!" quote:Bond lunged forward to address the sergeant. ‘I’m with her. What’s the situation in the Command Centre?’ In real life, two space stations have been decommissioned by allowing them to burn up in the atmosphere. Skylab did so by accident only 2 weeks after the release of Moonraker, as the Space Shuttle program wasn't ready to launch and its decaying orbit was unable to be boosted; the station didn't break up as rapidly as anticipated, but fortunately the flaming debris landed in a virtually unoccupied part of Australia. The Soviet space station, Mir, would follow in 2001 as an intentional decommissioning after funding dried up, sending it into the Pacific. quote:‘Get the hell out of here! Back to the shuttle!’ That's....why did he do that? quote:‘You think we could use it against those nerve gas globes?’ "It's trying to make the book longer!" quote:Bond swore and activated the exit hatch on his side of the cabin. As it slid back he jumped out and moved to the access hatch of the Moonraker. The whole binding rod assembly had been jerked sideways and was now buckled in its setting so that the thick metal pincers would not open. They stuttered feebly like the mouth of a dying fish. Bond dropped to his knees and tried to pull them apart. A second’s effort told him that he was wasting his time. Behind him there was a sharp crack like an ice floe beginning to break up. Bond’s forehead was lathered with sweat. Fear ran through him like a fast-moving current. He turned to see if there was anything he could use as a lever. Almost opposite the nose of the Moonraker was a turn-table launching ramp bearing one of the globular space carts. Bond turned again and found himself face to face with Jaws. There was a trickle of blood running down from the corner of his mouth and his clothes were torn. His eyes were those of a wild animal caught in a car’s headlights. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=alJc8K9eZ3w In the film, Jaws gets to reunite with Dolly and say his only line in the entire film series. quote:Bond said nothing. Jaws was now inside the space cart, looking like a goldfish that had outgrown its bowl. As the craft started to tremble, another figure appeared in the satellite. A pretty girl in astronaut’s uniform. She ran forward and beat on the side of the space cart. Jaws slid open the hatch and she scrambled in. Now there was a noise like a ship beginning to founder and Bond could feel the tail of the Moonraker tilting upwards. The satellite was beginning to break away; but the nose of the shuttle still held securely. It would be dragged down to inevitable destruction. Holly was manipulating the controls like an organ console. The space cart started.down the ramp as if fired from a gun, and there was a crash that jarred Bond sideways and then back in his seat. He glimpsed Jaws’s face pressed against the screen of the space cart and then felt the whole structure of the Moonraker jerk sideways. Suddenly the satellite dropped away and he was looking across the infinity of space towards a million stars. Beside him Holly whooped her delight. Despite how final this scene looks for him, minor dialogue in the ending implies that Jaws and Dolly made it to an escape pod and will survive the events. quote:Holly manoeuvred the control lever and tapped Bond on the shoulder. ‘Over there.’ Bond is merely capable of entering anything. quote:‘About a hundred miles.’
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Aug 27, 2020 23:35
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Chapter 19: Destroy to Livequote:Bond looked anxiously at the concentric circles on the radarscope. They moved as innocently and treacherously as the ripples left by a drowning man. You were in the loving Navy, Bond. You know what "visual contact" means. quote:‘Very accurately if you want to save our lives.’ Holly took her eyes off the controls to glance out of the forward window. ‘Have you ever been to a fairground? Two red images will appear on that screen. They represent us and the individual nerve gas globes. Manipulate the two knobs until the circles overlap. They will then turn into one green circle. That means you are on target. Then press the fire button. I’ll switch you on to automatic and programme through the positions of the spheres.’ She spoke urgently but without any edge of panic. Bond, who loved order and calm in a woman, loved her at that moment. He looked ahead and saw something glinting in space. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RQdtUvfjP8A quote:Holly did not turn her head to bestow congratulations. ‘They’ll begin to flap their wings in a minute.’ As if to prove her words, the Moonraker began to shake violently. ‘We’re skipping on the Earth’s atmosphere.’ I hope the next Bond is less of an rear end in a top hat. quote:‘How am I doing?’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAaMuTRGP6k In real life, the Space Shuttle has little to fear from re-entry unless the ship is damaged. The distinctive black panels on the bottom of the hull are insulated to withstand the 3000 degree Fahrenheit heat of reentering the atmosphere at over 17,000 MPH. A successful reentry requires keeping the shuttle's nose pointed up at a 40 degree angle until entry into the atmosphere is complete, at which point it serves as a glider down to a runway for landing. Bond and Holly's risk here is that they're not at that angle. quote:‘Where the hell is it?’ Bond followed Holly’s eyes to the control panel. On the upper right-hand side three separate needles were showing against the ‘Danger’ mark. Red lights were flashing all over the console. Everything was showing red except the ranging screen. Thank you, Abrupt William Shakespeare. quote:‘I’m losing the controls. The wings are starting to burn.’
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Sep 3, 2020 01:30
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this really is the most appalling trash, lol
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Sep 3, 2020 04:27
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sebmojo posted:this really is the most appalling trash, lol Only one chapter before John Gardner!
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Sep 3, 2020 04:30
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chitoryu12 posted:Only one chapter before John Gardner! which will be.... better... ? 
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Sep 3, 2020 04:46
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chitoryu12 posted:
Horny count?
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Sep 3, 2020 09:36
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sebmojo posted:which will be.... better... ? Different, at least. I feel like we're at the same point as we were with John Pearson, we've said just about everything we can say about this and we're all waiting for something new.
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Sep 3, 2020 11:53
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Runcible Cat posted:Horny count? Agreed. Horny Counter: 27
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Sep 3, 2020 13:41
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EXfkjzozhsw
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Sep 3, 2020 16:41
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I'm down. It has to better than the last two. please
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Sep 3, 2020 21:25
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Proteus Jones posted:I'm down. It has to better than the last two. lmao that you're going to poo poo on Skyfall and Spectre while apparently liking Quantum of Solace.
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Sep 3, 2020 23:58
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Midjack posted:lmao that you're going to poo poo on Skyfall and Spectre while apparently liking Quantum of Solace. OK, somehow I completely blanked on Skyfall, which was great. Wasn't really a fan of Spectre. And I really meant QoS out of all them tbh.
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Sep 4, 2020 00:06
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Chapter 20: Coming Down to Earthquote:Frederick Gray moved down the long corridor feeling pleased with himself. How fortunate that he, a key member of Her Majesty’s Government, should have found himself within reach of Houston at this time. He tried not to look too obviously at the camera crew who were filming as they retreated down the corridor before him. His picture appearing all over the world. What a well-deserved boost to his career. With the P.M.’s health in question and no successor immediately recognizable in a divided Cabinet, the opportunities for self-advancement were obvious. Frederick Gray, the man on the spot. All glory attached to Britain’s unexpected space coup would adhere to him. With M and his myrmidons safely ensconced in London, he would be seen as the trenchant mastermind behind Britain’s involvement. Which, of course, was just. He had pressed for the best man to be put on the job, and this fellow Bond seemed to have delivered the goods.   At the time of this book's writing, the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom was James Callaghan. The "Winter of Discontent" had begun in 1978 over mass strikes among public and private sector trade unions demanding high pay raises during the coldest winter in 16 years. Gravediggers, National Health Service workers, trash collectors, and truck drivers all went on strike, leaving hospitals unable to accept non-emergency patients, roads uncleared of snow, trash uncollected, and houses going without fuel for their heaters. When truck drivers began blockading roads in and out of town to prevent deliveries until their demands were met, the papers stoked fears of a Siege of Stalingrad-esque scenario of mass starvation and the government even considered deploying the army to take over. While the fears of shortages turned out to be overblown, Callaghan had left the country for a summit that he extended into a holiday in Barbados. He angrily blamed the press upon his return for terrifying the nation, which led to The Sun infamously paraphrasing him as "Crisis? What crisis?" Margaret Thatcher instantly leaped on the opportunity to portray herself as the Iron Lady of lore, with the Conservatives slamming Labour for seemingly not caring about economic devastation. A vote of no-confidence led to the Conservatives winning a general election and Callaghan being ousted only a month before the release of Moonraker. Despite the claims of poor health and no successor by Wood, Callaghan would actually survive until 2005 and die a day before his 93rd birthday. quote:‘Hold it just there, gentlemen.’ The cameraman held up his hand and the phalanx stopped obediently. Cameras Whirred. Frederick Gray saw the microphone boom above his head. He began to speak with the slow, pompous delivery that had bored millions of television viewers: ‘... A great day for Anglo-American co-operation and a great day for the world.’  The Lyndon B. Johnson Space Center is a massive complex of 100 buildings southeast of downtown Houston. Starting in June 1965 for the Gemini 4 mission, it has served as the NASA mission control for every manned mission since. There are actually multiple control rooms serving different purposes, with MOCR 2 used for the Gemini and Apollo flights having been restored to its 1969 appearance as a tourist attraction. It serves as one of the icons of this era of space flight, aided by the 1995 film Apollo 13 filming in a perfect replica of the control room and introducing it to the world. quote:An authoritative man bearing the words ‘Mission Control Director’ on the breast pocket of his short-sleeved shirt stepped forward and nodded to the assembled company. ‘Gentlemen, welcome to Mission Control, Houston. We have received a position report and should have visual contact at any moment. If you observe the wall map you can see the trail of green lights approaching the Indian Ocean. The red light that you see flashing represents our tracking ship. Once Commander Bond and Dr Goodhead come within range we should have audio-visual from the remote on-board T.V. monitors.’ Not even Apollo 13, when the crew suffered an explosive malfunction and miraculously performed a slingshot around the moon to a safe landing? That's pretty loving important, Wood! quote:The Mission Control Director began to speak again. His eyes sought out Gray. ‘We’re particularly glad to have you with us, Mr Gray. Because of the historical significance of this mission, I’m having this patched directly to the White House and Buckingham Palace, by satellite.’ Oh no. quote:Bond kissed her naked shoulder and watched a flimsy undergarment drifting by. ‘Say not the struggle nought availeth,’ he murmured. ‘What a pity they couldn’t do it when they were weightless.’ That's not how James Bond speaks. quote:‘I expect they found other compensations.’ Holly kissed Bond on the mouth and spread her arms wide. ‘Oh James, this is heaven.’ Oh, is that why she has the flamethrower disguised as her perfume? quote:‘Gruesome girl!’ Bond kissed her hard on the mouth. ‘We should have saved all this till Venice.’ https://www.healthline.com/health/semen-calories#1.-How-many-calories-are-in-the-average-semen-ejaculation? quote:Bond enjoyed the kiss and floated away a few inches to enjoy the sight of her naked body. Something on the cabin wall attracted his attention. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lTiCL83_dR4 For the sake of the film's much more obvious sexual pun, I'm ending this book with a Horny Counter: 28. Finally, for all that is holy, we are done with Christopher Wood. An author who could have potentially written something decent but just couldn't help himself. Whether it was slavish devotion to a nonsensical script or an inability to hang back from pornography, his books have overall been terrible slogs. I'm taking a few days off for the holiday. When we come back, we cover the most prolific author of James Bond books and the creator of some of his most outlandish stories: John Gardner, beginning with 1981's License Renewed. chitoryu12 fucked around with this message at 02:26 on Sep 4, 2020 |
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Sep 4, 2020 01:33
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Proteus Jones posted:I'm down. It has to better than the last two. That looks baller as gently caress. I'm in. The new 007 is going to put Connery and Craig in a run for their money as the best to wear the number.
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Sep 5, 2020 07:18
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Edit: Nevermind. Serves me right for skim reading
High Warlord Zog fucked around with this message at 12:49 on Sep 5, 2020 |
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Sep 5, 2020 12:43
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 John Gardner is a man we're going to be staying with for a while: he wrote more James Bond books than anyone else, even Ian Fleming! Gardner was born on November 20, 1926 (only 4 years after Kingsley Amis) in the village of Seaton Delaval in Northumberland as the son of an Anglican priest. Like Amis and Fleming before him, Gardner served in the military during World War II: he was so eager to join that he joined the Home Guard at either 13 or 14 (sources differ) and moved on to the Royal Navy. He served in the Fleet Air Arm before joining 42 Commando, serving in the Middle East and becoming a small arms and explosives expert but an admittedly awful pilot who "bent an aeroplane" during training. After the war, Gardner moved on to follow his father and become an Anglican priest, but suffered a crisis of faith and left after only 5 years. He became an alcoholic to give even Fleming pause, drinking up to 2 bottles of gin a day, before getting clean at 33. He subsequently published his autobiographical memoir, Spin the Bottle. That same year, 1964, Gardner published his first book, The Liquidator. Ironically for a future Bond author, the book was written as a satire of the James Bond series: the protagonist, Boysie Oakes, is a vulgar coward whose actions saving an intelligence agent during the war leads to him being mistaken for a tough hero and recruited to the Secret Service as an assassin, leading him to subcontract his hits to a professional. The book received a box office failure of a film adaptation by MGM, but he would write another 7 Boysie Oakes books and 2 short stories. He also wrote three novels centered around Professor Moriarty of the Sherlock Holmes series and a great many other thrillers, detective novels, and other works; one of his books, A Complete State of Death, was adapted into the Charles Bronson action film The Stone Killer. In 1979, while living as a tax exile in Ireland, Gardner was approached by Glidrose to officially restart the Bond book series after Christopher Wood's forgettable film novelizations. The intent was to modernize Bond while keeping Fleming's spirit, so the characters start at the same age as Fleming left them but are now shifted to a contemporary setting. He would write 16 books (two of which were novelizations, of License to Kill and GoldenEye) while also keeping up a steady pace of his original work, with dozens of novels in his final oeuvre. Due to prostate and then esophageal cancer, Gardner was forced to retire from the Bond series in the mid-90s. Immediately after, in February 1997, his wife since 1952 (Margaret Mercer) unexpectedly died and he found himself virtually bankrupt from his medical treatments. Reduced to living in an almshouse, Gardner returned to writing a new series of novels based around Detective Sergeant Suzie Mountford. He had named the character after Patricia Mountford, a nurse he had been briefly engaged to in 1949; she contacted him again after seeing her name come up on the shelves, and they ended up reuniting and becoming engaged again. Unfortunately, they would not marry before he would suddenly die of heart failure in 2007. Reaction to Gardner's Bond novels, both contemporary and in retrospect, are mixed. While Gardner was a legitimate expert in certain aspects of commando work that Fleming was not and could bring a sense of realism to parts of his writing, he often found himself falling prey to silliness in his plots. His books don't have the outright slapstick and camp of the films of the time (like the dreadful Octopussy), but his otherwise realistic and Fleming-esque writing brings evil ice cream factory owners, assassination contests, and even a trip to a Disney park into the canon. That said, anything is better than the last loving books.
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Sep 9, 2020 15:34
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So glad to be leaving the Pearson and Wood books behind. Fingers crossed for Gardner...
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Sep 9, 2020 16:44
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I always get confused by that John Gardner because he didn't write _Grendel_.
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Sep 9, 2020 16:56
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Hieronymous Alloy posted:I always get confused by that John Gardner because he didn't write _Grendel_. I remember, as a teenager, seeing the newspaper announcement of that John Gardner's accidental death and thinking it meant the end of Bond. I've read a couple of the Boysie Oakes books and they were all right. Comparisons to Flashman are inevitable (although Boysie actually predated Flashman by five years), but Boysie isn't as much of a bastard as Flashy, just cowardly and lazy.
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Sep 9, 2020 17:02
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