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It's duck season, y'all!
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Apr 3, 2020 15:29
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 01:26 |
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the civil war wasn't very groovy baby
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Apr 3, 2020 15:33
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ELI PORTER posted:the civil war wasn't very groovy baby drat Yankee spotted. It's called the war of northern aggression around here parts.
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Apr 3, 2020 16:01
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the south will (not) rise again
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Apr 3, 2020 16:04
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A Fancy Hat posted:Listen, none of us *want* to follow the Bible. If it wasn't for the Bible, I'd be murdering a bunch of children right now while bathing in their blood. no joke ive heard several christians straight up tell me this poo poo
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Apr 3, 2020 16:05
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I'm actually a benevolent cyborg sent backwards in time to protect humanity, but my creators overshot their target destination in time. Well...I have been designed to be benevolent. I doubt my creators could have forseen or planned for...this. I arrived here a few years prior to the first American Civil War and have lived amongst you now, undetected for several generations. I've been forced to adopt this persona, partially out of need to conceal my identity and partially out of a series of events beyond my control. The time to activate my true mission goals and reveal my motivations has not come, and will not come, for several more centuries. For now I bide my time amongst you plebiscites. Hatefully scorning you. Mocking you. Oh how I loathe you and what you will become IF I let you.
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Apr 3, 2020 16:10
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*takes a poo poo on the side of the road* Now, you see any blacks do that, or not, you make sure they 'rested.
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Apr 3, 2020 16:29
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quarantine? lock-down? why, my southern friends, are you so afraid to die for the economy?
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Apr 3, 2020 16:31
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I'll be GAT-DANGED if I let some Yankees tell me how to live my life. I've survived viruses before, I'm not scared of no KEY-RONA virus. *hi fives hundreds of people over 65, dooming them to die rasping for breath in overcrowded hospitals*
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Apr 3, 2020 17:01
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*Funnels taxes into new statue honoring Bloody Bill Anderson
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Apr 3, 2020 17:49
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Boy good thing the media got distracted before my blackface photos came up again
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Apr 3, 2020 17:51
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You've been listening to the Pappy O'Daniel Flour Hour
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Apr 3, 2020 18:01
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Hi, I'm your Govoner Mr Watson. don't you worry about nuthin'. With the GOP in the White House and senate we are in the best position we've ever been. The president is doing 11 out of 10 on his presidency, and you my constituents are profiting tremendously from his service. All is well down here in our southern state, don't let the fake news fool you. Nothin out of the ordinary. No sir. 4 more years!
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Apr 3, 2020 19:31
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*is the whitest, most racist human being imaginable* *is governor of a state that is 75% black* *gets re-elected again and again by huge margins, nobody ever investigates how this is possible*
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Apr 3, 2020 20:03
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*personally coughs in every single staff member's mouth*
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Apr 3, 2020 20:04
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Brimstone Inquiry posted:*is governor* i don't see nothin' bout no asymptomatic carriers in mah bible, good day sir
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Apr 3, 2020 20:14
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Yeah I weigh 375 lbs and my blood is the consistency and color of a raspberry smoothie, but I'll be dead in the ground before I let OBAMA tell our kids what they can have for lunch! Pizza Hut pizza on Fridays, that's what the kids want! *pockets huge check from Pizza Hut, which he then spends on Pizza Hut*
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Apr 3, 2020 20:16
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*closes closet doors to make sure my robes aren't visible before I get on zoom from the comfort of my state funded mansion to tell people to go back to work*
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Apr 3, 2020 20:17
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*implements broken unemployment system on purpose so I can report low unemployment numbers and pat myself on the back*
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Apr 3, 2020 20:17
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orders masks to be placed on all confederate statues as an act of fellowship
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Apr 3, 2020 20:19
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Preparing to announce there is a mild risk of a pandemic, considering measures to prevent it. It's June.
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Apr 3, 2020 20:20
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crams fistfull of lukewarm mac and cheese into mouth to prove everything is safe
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Apr 3, 2020 20:21
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"We need to test public welfare recipients for drug use." *owns company that gets contract to process tests*
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Apr 3, 2020 20:22
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AWWWWW, HORSE APPLES
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Apr 3, 2020 20:23
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*legs don't work*
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Apr 3, 2020 20:29
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Now I believe, that the government can't be tellin' us what to do! *owns slaves*
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Apr 3, 2020 20:30
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We need to RESPECT and HONOR our proud men in blue! ~gets pulled over~ YOU WORK FOR ME, I WAS TRAVELING NOT DRIVING.
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Apr 3, 2020 20:33
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Hmm, should I tell people of my state to self quarantine, or just blame New Yorkers and tell *them* to quarantine? Haha gently caress you Yankee scum THE SOUTH SHALL RISE
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Apr 3, 2020 20:49
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CannonFodder posted:Hmm, should I tell people of my state to self quarantine, or just blame New Yorkers and tell *them* to quarantine? This is what the Governor of South Carolina did FYI
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Apr 3, 2020 20:50
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the only thing i despise more than carpetbaggers are my own disenfranchised citizens
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Apr 3, 2020 20:53
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*gets pulled over for drunk driving* Awww, Officer, I truly do apologize, I must have had one too many drinks down at the local watering hole. How about we just forget this whole thing happened, you drive me home, and I'll make sure you are handsomely rewarded for this act of bravery. Back the blue, after all! *was really doing massive amount of cocaine in a warehouse filled with prostitutes* Well shucks officer, I really appreciate the kindness. I'll see if the ol' ball and chain can bake you boys up some nice banana nut bread tomorrow. We'll get it down to the station faster than a cricket on Sunday! *goes home and beats the poo poo out of his wife before injecting heroin into his eyeballs*
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Apr 3, 2020 21:04
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Apr 3, 2020 21:06
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*listens to Ted Nugent while molesting some kids*
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Apr 3, 2020 21:43
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What do you mean I have to pay for these
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Apr 3, 2020 23:07
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gleebster posted:"We need to test public welfare recipients for drug use." FAKE NEWS FAKE NEWS! I do NOT own that drug-testing company, sir. I think if you check your facts, you’ll find MY WIFE owns that drug-testing company, sir.
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Apr 4, 2020 01:47
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ive signed a new bill into law shutting down the last abortion clinic in this state and tommorow im delcaring marshall law because this chineese virus isnt going to kill us all and i want to reopen everything. also please attended our christian college that i am in no way affiliated with.
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Apr 4, 2020 02:47
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What this state needs is a balanced budget, and I'm your man. *takes all of the money out of the public school system and spends it on pet projects*
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Apr 4, 2020 02:51
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Willias posted:What this state needs is a balanced budget, and I'm your man.
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Apr 4, 2020 20:42
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Jeezum Loardy
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Apr 4, 2020 20:45
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 01:26 |
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*boards the Lolita Express*
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Apr 4, 2020 20:51
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