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dudeness
Mar 5, 2010

Cat Army


Fallen Rib

He carries a lot of spare wands if you get my drift.

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VideoKid
Jul 28, 2006

Next nothing new.


Squizzle posted:

instead of an insular culture of boarding school dipshits, american magic is woodland goobers and mega-goon fbi guys

That is 100% better than what Rawling came up with for American magic.

Butternubs
Feb 15, 2012


it's actually canon that harry turns his magic body cam off before avada kedavaring unarmed goblins.

Just so he doesn't lose a fight of course.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



VideoKid posted:

That is 100% better than what Rawling came up with for American magic.

American magic should have been the beverly hillbillies but with magic.

Butternubs posted:

it's actually canon that harry turns his magic body cam off before avada kedavaring unarmed goblins.

Just so he doesn't lose a fight of course.

I assume the magic body cams paint the scene the wizard cop says they saw, and why would they lie

MonsieurChoc
Oct 12, 2013

Every species can smell its own extinction.




Nah, American magic is Freemasons and weirdo secret societies in the east coast, decaying plantations racists in the south, and the Magical Equivalent of Techbros in the West.

ungulateman
Apr 18, 2012
Hello I am a person doing a thing via buttons. It's amazing what electronic singnals traveling through space can accomplish.

Makes ya think.

Purple m&ms are the best.

as extremely not funny as 'harry potter, cop who kills minorities' is, it also doesn't make sense, because the setting has multiple infallible lie detectors and the burden of proof is on the accused party to drink the truth potion and say they didn't do it rather than on the accuser to provide evidence

Butternubs
Feb 15, 2012


ungulateman posted:

as extremely not funny as 'harry potter, cop who kills minorities' is,

It's actually called "harry potter and the quill that definitely looked like a wand from a distance."

Barudak
May 7, 2007



ungulateman posted:

as extremely not funny as 'harry potter, cop who kills minorities' is, it also doesn't make sense, because the setting has multiple infallible lie detectors and the burden of proof is on the accused party to drink the truth potion and say they didn't do it rather than on the accuser to provide evidence

Its mentioned the truth serum is unreliable and some wizards posses innate immunities to it, in addition to only revealing what the subject believes to be true. Further, you can bypass it by binding the information to be only able to be given out by the subjects own choice which the serum cant do since its an external compulsion. You can also just ingest its antidote preemptively.

Lastly Rowlings own notes state that even if Sirius took the serum and recounted it to the Wizengamot, they would have just said he bypassed it and ordered that testimony invalid

Angepain
Jul 13, 2012

what keeps happening to my clothes


MonsieurChoc posted:

the Magical Equivalent of Techbros

Why is Ponder Stibbons calling me a pedophile over the clacks

SolarFire2
Oct 16, 2001

"You're awefully cute, but unfortunately for you, you're made of meat." - Meat And Sarcasm Guy!

MonsieurChoc posted:

Rowling wanted Terry Gilliam for the movies, and you know what he'd have made something interesting out of that.

We'd still be waiting on Chamber of Secrets.

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017
how about we just not have the toilet cthulhu

MonsieurChoc posted:

Nah, American magic is Freemasons and weirdo secret societies in the east coast, decaying plantations racists in the south, and the Magical Equivalent of Techbros in the West.

Prob best that she didn't try to get into voodoo

Zetsubou-san
Jan 28, 2015

Cruel Bifaunidas demanded that you [stand], I require only that you [kneel]


currently listing to the audiobooks (currently early book 2) and this thread is v. good

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Barudak posted:

Its mentioned the truth serum is unreliable and some wizards posses innate immunities to it, in addition to only revealing what the subject believes to be true. Further, you can bypass it by binding the information to be only able to be given out by the subjects own choice which the serum cant do since its an external compulsion. You can also just ingest its antidote preemptively.

Lastly Rowlings own notes state that even if Sirius took the serum and recounted it to the Wizengamot, they would have just said he bypassed it and ordered that testimony invalid

Now the imperius curse, that'll do the trick!

a.lo
Sep 11, 2009



i bet they have a statue of harry potter at hogwarts that motherfucker

Barudak
May 7, 2007



reignofevil posted:

Now the imperius curse, that'll do the trick!

Enhanced Wizarding

Zetsubou-san
Jan 28, 2015

Cruel Bifaunidas demanded that you [stand], I require only that you [kneel]


Harry Potter and the Unexpected Defenestration

dialhforhero
Apr 3, 2008


If Gilliam directed then the original Dumbledore actor would have died during principle shooting and there would have been massively over budget and had some major delays due to studio meddling.

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

dialhforhero posted:

If Gilliam directed then the original Dumbledore actor would have died during principle shooting and there would have been massively over budget and had some major delays due to studio meddling.

Several actors got decapitated in a helicopter scene that got cut from the final movie after he couldn't find a way to make magic helicopters work.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


a.lo posted:

i bet they have a statue of harry potter at hogwarts that motherfucker

a Magical statue! one that can think but not move or talk

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014

I AM TRULY ONE OF THE WORST POSTERS ON THIS SITE. LOOK UPON THIS GUY MANN REREG AND DESPAIR.


MonsieurChoc posted:

Rowling wanted Terry Gilliam for the movies, and you know what he'd have made something interesting out of that.

A Harry Potter movie where 3/4s of the runtime is baby boomer whining about how bureaucracy is inefficient and people used to talk to each other maaaan.

a.lo posted:

i bet they have a statue of harry potter at hogwarts that motherfucker

Harry Paterno and the Statues of the Living

dordreff
Jul 16, 2013


BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:

Several actors got decapitated in a helicopter scene that got cut from the final movie after he couldn't find a way to make magic helicopters work.

no that's the john landis version

Gilliam's version would probably have been bad but would at least have had the courage to put in the Bruce Springsteen song they almost included

Daikloktos
Jan 1, 2020



Franz Ferdinand were almost The Weird Sisters band at the Yule Ball in the fourth movie but they backed out when an existing band with that name started agitating for a payoff from the studio and they didn't want to get wrapped in a legal proceeding.

Butternubs
Feb 15, 2012


In the human wizard war that Voldemort imagined how was he planning on dealing with all the crazy non magic weapons? Does an ICBM give you enough warning to disapparate away? does St. Mungo's know how to deal with Nerve gas injuries? Can you Avada Kedavra someone through 2 inch thick steel tank armour? the death eaters would 100% get crushed by the muggle military industrial complex.

josh04
Oct 19, 2008

oscar winning cinema enthusiast





Voldemort narrowed his snake-like eyes as he gazed into the night sky. He had anticipated that Dumbledore might warn the muggles, but not the force with which they would respond. Bellatrix had been incinerated in a hot flash, before the first syllable of repello inimicum could pass her lips. But a team of Death Eaters could very effectively scry the heavens, and this time he was forewarned. "Bring him." he hissed, and two hooded wizards dragged a young man before him in chains. Neville Longbottom had wasted away in captivity, but his blond hair was still recognisable. Voldemort glanced upwards, and will an almost imperceptible motion of his wand disabled the thermonuclear device hurtling towards them. Now he just had to wait.

Back at missle command Harry finally took his hand off the key, where it had been resting for the last twenty minutes. He looked across the control panel at Ron, whose eyes were fixated on the camera feed from a high-altitude drone. "Harry..." Ron mumbled, "I think that handful of pixels is Neville." In a panic, Harry took his wand and babbled the torturous Latin words of the anti-fission spell, fruitlessly disarming the already defunct missle. Horrified by the near miss, he collapsed back into the high-backed chair.

The Dark Lord, however, was not relying on nuclear fission. Leaning in close to Neville, he seized the young man's wand and pointed it skywards. "accio inter-continental ballistic missile" he whispered, before disapparating, dropping Neville's wand in the dirt. Neville, weak from hunger, scrambled for the wand.

josh04 fucked around with this message at 14:40 on May 21, 2020

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017
how about we just not have the toilet cthulhu

I don't think open warfare was necessarily the idea nor necessary; wizards have mind control and memory wipes, and through a painting that can't be removed have access to 10 Downing Street. And all of their communities are completely hidden from the world.

Zore
Sep 21, 2010




Yeah, like assuming you got the drop on a Wizard with a gun or missile you could kill them sure.

But Wizards hang out in places you literally can't know exist, have the ability to destroy memories, can teleport, have the ability to learn any information they want if they capture someone, can put someone under complete mind control etc.

An actual all out war would go so poorly for the non-magical people it wouldn't even be funny because magic is just insanely ridiculous bullshit.

The Moon Monster
Dec 30, 2005
THIS CUSTOM TITLE WILL COME IN HANDY WHILE LURKING


josh04 posted:

Voldemort narrowed his snake-like eyes as he gazed into the night sky. He had anticipated that Dumbledore might warn the muggles, but not the force with which they would respond. Bellatrix had been incinerated in a hot flash, before the first syllable of repello inimicum could pass her lips. But a team of Death Eaters could very effectively scry the heavens, and this time he was forewarned. "Bring him." he hissed, and two hooded wizards dragged a young man before him in chains. Neville Longbottom had wasted away in captivity, but his blond hair was still recognisable. Voldemort glanced upwards, and will an almost imperceptible motion of his wand disabled the thermonuclear device hurtling towards them. Now he just had to wait.

Back at missle command Harry finally took his hand off the key, where it had been resting for the last twenty minutes. He looked across the control panel at Ron, whose eyes were fixated on the camera feed from a high-altitude drone. "Harry..." Ron mumbled, "I think that handful of pixels is Neville." In a panic, Harry slammed his hand on the missile abort control, sending the signal to disable the already defunct missle. Horrified by the near miss, he collapsed back into the high-backed chair.

The Dark Lord, however, was not relying on nuclear fission. Leaning in close to Neville, he seized the young man's wand and pointed it skywards. "accio inter-continental ballistic missile" he whispered, before disapparting, dropping Neville's wand in the dirt. Neville, weak from hunger, scrambled for the wand.

Nuclear missiles don't have abort buttons 4/10

josh04
Oct 19, 2008

oscar winning cinema enthusiast





Have made appropriate revisions, lmk if this helps.

JethroMcB
Jan 23, 2004

We're normal now.
We love your family.


josh04 posted:

Have made appropriate revisions, lmk if this helps.

no abort button, magic still very real, 10/10

BIG FLUFFY DOG
Feb 16, 2011

On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

The wizards should simply magically enchant guns which would use the muggles technology against them and also be sick as hell.

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014

I AM TRULY ONE OF THE WORST POSTERS ON THIS SITE. LOOK UPON THIS GUY MANN REREG AND DESPAIR.


Butternubs posted:

In the human wizard war that Voldemort imagined how was he planning on dealing with all the crazy non magic weapons? Does an ICBM give you enough warning to disapparate away? does St. Mungo's know how to deal with Nerve gas injuries? Can you Avada Kedavra someone through 2 inch thick steel tank armour? the death eaters would 100% get crushed by the muggle military industrial complex.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DCqjR1gHyIQ

dialhforhero
Apr 3, 2008


Yeah magic is literally a deus ex machina literary device so no way in hell it would have gone well for muggles.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


dialhforhero posted:

Yeah magic is literally a deus ex machina literary device so no way in hell it would have gone well for muggles.

Unless they decoupled the frequency in the tachion emissions field

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014

I AM TRULY ONE OF THE WORST POSTERS ON THIS SITE. LOOK UPON THIS GUY MANN REREG AND DESPAIR.


Even if the game itself wasn't very good and the story didn't really do justice to the setting I always liked the premise of the old computer game Arcanum where magic and technology are continuously ebbing and growing in inverse power to each other and recorded history is just the millennia of relative calm and quiet in between the cataclysms that inevitably result when magic or technology reaches the point of being powerful enough for people to destroy not only themselves but their entire civilizations. Like in Harry Potter world magic has been steadily declining for centuries and technology has been making leaps and bounds each generation, and the segregation of wizarding society from common people is as much about being in denial of the fact that all their most powerful wizards and spells and relics came about long ago and even the most powerful modern wizards like Voldemort and Dumbledore are still left fighting to reclaim the leftovers of those days like the Deathly Hallows while muggles are growing exponentially more powerful developing weapons of mass destruction and the internet.

Nicolas Flamel gave up his immortality from the Philosopher's Stone because he is the only living person who is old enough to remember how things used to be and he can no longer stand the existential terror of steadily growing weaker while technological apocalypse looms on the horizon with no way to stop it.

ungulateman
Apr 18, 2012
Hello I am a person doing a thing via buttons. It's amazing what electronic singnals traveling through space can accomplish.

Makes ya think.

Purple m&ms are the best.

the wizards could definitely win, and possibly without a shot being fired, but the risk of a whole bunch of people dying even to non-nuclear firepower is pretty unpalatable when there are approx. ten thousand wizards in the entire UK (or some similarly comically low number)

Smirking_Serpent
Aug 27, 2009






Buglord

wizards could win on paper, but the vast majority are too dumb, careless, and ignorant to do so.

hermione might kill the PM, but the big wizard army would march down a field in plate armor and get hit by a predator drone.

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017
how about we just not have the toilet cthulhu

Always felt like part of the joke was the Death Eaters espouse pureblood supremacy but spent most of their time wiping out so many pureblood families that there's even fewer ways they can keep going without having kids with muggles.

Butternubs
Feb 15, 2012


Ghost Leviathan posted:

Always felt like part of the joke was the Death Eaters espouse pureblood supremacy but spent most of their time wiping out so many pureblood families that there's even fewer ways they can keep going without having kids with muggles.

I think it's mentioned that some of them aren't even pureblood themselves and they get fake documents to state otherwise.

Zore
Sep 21, 2010




Butternubs posted:

I think it's mentioned that some of them aren't even pureblood themselves and they get fake documents to state otherwise.

I mean, neither Voldemort or Snape was a pureblood.

Snape is particularly stupid about it because he nick-named himself 'The Half-Blood Prince' after his magical mother Eileen Prince (Tobias Snape was a Muggle). Voldemort at least lied out his rear end and made sure everyone thought he was a pureblood.

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SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011

STOP BEING EVIL.


Isn't it supposed to be a more weirdly specific thing about English classism where the muggle-born are the nouveau riche whereas the purebloods are either generationally wealthy or they're weird artifacts of the system that don't have much wealth left but still count as upperclass? And then it's very narrow and specific, since the other class divides in the wizarding world are portrayed as mostly cool and good.

I really resisted getting started on the books when I was a kid, enjoyed them for a little bit, and then started to hate the books towards the end when Harry was getting super angsty and I just started to realize that he wasn't very good at being a wizard and everybody would be better off if they gave the important responsibilities to somebody else instead of this dumb kid.

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