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Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017
how about we just not have the toilet cthulhu

Reminded of the bit bit where Harry asks why Dumbledore never made him a prefect or anything and Dumbledore says he thought Harry had enough on his plate without more petty bullshit like that.


SlothfulCobra posted:

Isn't it supposed to be a more weirdly specific thing about English classism where the muggle-born are the nouveau riche whereas the purebloods are either generationally wealthy or they're weird artifacts of the system that don't have much wealth left but still count as upperclass? And then it's very narrow and specific, since the other class divides in the wizarding world are portrayed as mostly cool and good.

It's specifically a class thing with old purebloods as the aristocracy, though as in real life the feudal ruling class aren't necessarily very rich.

Being British basically involves growing up with all these things as cute quirks of society without actually thinking about the implications.

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VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

If Hermione had been the chosen one the series would have ended much happier after Book 4.

W.T. Fits
Apr 21, 2010


They'll never see it coming...


Ghost Leviathan posted:

Reminded of the bit bit where Harry asks why Dumbledore never made him a prefect or anything and Dumbledore says he thought Harry had enough on his plate without more petty bullshit like that.

It was Dumbledore himself who brought it up, since he was finally laying all most of his cards on the table as an apology to Harry after the lovely year he'd been having culminated in Sirius dying.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


VanSandman posted:

If Hermione had been the chosen one the series would have ended much happier after Book 4.

Just seven chapters into book two and we've spent the last five hundred and six pages in the library cataloguing every form of magical malady and we're well on our way to the "inventing cures" stage of early genius.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


W.T. Fits posted:

It was Dumbledore himself who brought it up, since he was finally laying all most of his cards on the table as an apology to Harry after the lovely year he'd been having culminated in Sirius dying.

The prefects get their own special bathrooms with a magic bathtub for jerking off in. gently caress dumbledore that prick.

Butternubs
Feb 15, 2012


Hermione is the only sane character. Like imagine you find out magic is real, how is your first instinct not to learn everything you can do with it. Harry and ron are just like yeah cool we can do these 5 spells that'll do potions class sucks, who needs to know how to make a potion that gives you a huge dick or wings or w/e guess I'll just expelliarmus.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Hermione lives a charmed childhood fighting evil wizards and whatnot but unfortunately the natural endpoint of her obvious intelligence is being press ganged by the government so you can build them a magic bomb to oppress the Lebanese with and then they pin a worthless bit of ribbon to your chest and send you home to bake to death in Arizona.

Butternubs
Feb 15, 2012


I think in the cursed child Hermione becomes Minister for magic so she's probably the one pushing the button.

VanSandman
Feb 16, 2011
SWAP.AVI EXCHANGER

reignofevil posted:

Just seven chapters into book two and we've spent the last five hundred and six pages in the library cataloguing every form of magical malady and we're well on our way to the "inventing cures" stage of early genius.

'Alas! Due to the charm upon you, I cannot kill you at this time. I'll murder you later, Mudblood!' sneered Voldemort from the back of Quirrel's head as smoke began to pour from the dying professor's body.

'Soulo Entrapto!' gasped Hermione, with one last effort, who then passed out.

Later, in Dumbledore's office, a very angry jar of evil contained the Dark Lord. Dumbledore poked at it with his wand.

'You say you learned this spell....?' began the Headmaster.

'From a book, sir. Everything I needed was all there in the Library if you just go looking for answers,' said Hermione, blushing.

'Very good. One billion points to Gryffindor forever.'

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014

I AM TRULY ONE OF THE WORST POSTERS ON THIS SITE. LOOK UPON THIS GUY MANN REREG AND DESPAIR.


Butternubs posted:

Hermione is the only sane character. Like imagine you find out magic is real, how is your first instinct not to learn everything you can do with it. Harry and ron are just like yeah cool we can do these 5 spells that'll do potions class sucks, who needs to know how to make a potion that gives you a huge dick or wings or w/e guess I'll just expelliarmus.

Hermione is such a neurotic overachiever that she had a physical and mental breakdown three years into her schooling from overloading on classes. She literally broke the laws of time and space to do more homework, it's no wonder so many libs idolize her because she's like the embodiment of the kind of nerd that aspires to wear a lanyard for a living and engage in slogan-based activism on the weekends and distracts themselves from approaching middle age alone by thinking of refundable tax credits.

amigolupus
Aug 25, 2017

This is the dance
of our people



SlothfulCobra posted:

I really resisted getting started on the books when I was a kid, enjoyed them for a little bit, and then started to hate the books towards the end when Harry was getting super angsty and I just started to realize that he wasn't very good at being a wizard and everybody would be better off if they gave the important responsibilities to somebody else instead of this dumb kid.

Despite being a pathetic incel who regularly abuses his students, Snape was absolutely right telling anyone who'd listen that Harry was a mediocre wizard.

Ghost Leviathan posted:

Reminded of the bit bit where Harry asks why Dumbledore never made him a prefect or anything and Dumbledore says he thought Harry had enough on his plate without more petty bullshit like that.

IIRC, when they first saw that Ron got the prefect's badge, Harry's first thought was to question why he wasn't the one who got picked for the position. What an entitled little prick.

reignofevil posted:

The prefects get their own special bathrooms with a magic bathtub for jerking off in.

Now I'm reminded of Moaning Myrtle admitting that she liked to sneak into the bathroom and watch them do it.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Why the gently caress does anybody in this world need to be even slightly good at magic though. Sure harry sucked at being a wizard. He was a pretty awesome baby. Most normal babies never do anything! Let some of the normal babies be good at magic and let this one really awesome baby peak early and never do anything exceptional again. Who cares!

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


amigolupus posted:

Despite being a pathetic incel who regularly abuses his students, Snape was absolutely right telling anyone who'd listen that Harry was a mediocre wizard.

Snape was a better more consistent father to harry than any of his other father surrogates.

TheAardvark
Mar 3, 2019



reignofevil posted:

The prefects get their own special bathrooms with a magic bathtub for jerking off in. gently caress dumbledore that prick.

this reminds me, Harry and Cedric should have lost the tri-wizard cup for colluding when Cedric helped him solve the egg

Daikloktos
Jan 1, 2020



TheAardvark posted:

this reminds me, Harry and Cedric should have lost the tri-wizard cup for colluding when Cedric helped him solve the egg
Cedric had the good sense to put a fig leaf on it. Harry just straight-up tells him about the dragons.

Butternubs
Feb 15, 2012


TheAardvark posted:

this reminds me, Harry and Cedric should have lost the tri-wizard cup for colluding when Cedric helped him solve the egg

Yeah but who's gonna tell the judges? They don't call it Hogwarts school for snitchcraft and bitchery

JethroMcB
Jan 23, 2004

We're normal now.
We love your family.


TheAardvark posted:

this reminds me, Harry and Cedric should have lost the tri-wizard cup for colluding when Cedric helped him solve the egg

Cedric was disqualified

to a permanent end

amigolupus
Aug 25, 2017

This is the dance
of our people



FunkyAl posted:

Snape was a better more consistent father to harry than any of his other father surrogates.

It's depressing just how true this is. Despite hating Harry for being James' spawn, he's still somehow the only one who can view Harry objectively. As for the others:

- Sirius' imprisonment and Dementor torture probably scrambled him up so he's still mentally around 18-20. Not to mention he sometimes mistakes Harry for James, which is a whole other can of worms.
- Remus acts more like a friendly uncle, and he keeps his distance because he's afraid he'll put Harry in danger for being the AIDS metaphor a werewolf.
- The Weasleys have all but adopted Harry, and Arthur never even tried to be a father figure to Harry.

MonsieurChoc
Oct 12, 2013

Every species can smell its own extinction.




W.T. Fits posted:

It was Dumbledore himself who brought it up, since he was finally laying all most of his cards on the table as an apology to Harry after the lovely year he'd been having culminated in Sirius dying.

Dumbledore is a shittier George Smiley. He's a spook through and through.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


reignofevil posted:

The prefects get their own special bathrooms with a magic bathtub for jerking off in. gently caress dumbledore that prick.

There is a strict no jerkin' policy. Why do you think there are Two Prefects?

josh04
Oct 19, 2008

oscar winning cinema enthusiast





MonsieurChoc posted:

Dumbledore is a shittier George Smiley. He's a spook through and through.

Hah, this really fits. Genial, warm, full of wisdom, terribly sorry that he's sent you unknowingly to your death again.

Sleeveless
Dec 25, 2014

I AM TRULY ONE OF THE WORST POSTERS ON THIS SITE. LOOK UPON THIS GUY MANN REREG AND DESPAIR.


amigolupus posted:

It's depressing just how true this is. Despite hating Harry for being James' spawn, he's still somehow the only one who can view Harry objectively. As for the others:

- Sirius' imprisonment and Dementor torture probably scrambled him up so he's still mentally around 18-20. Not to mention he sometimes mistakes Harry for James, which is a whole other can of worms.
- Remus acts more like a friendly uncle, and he keeps his distance because he's afraid he'll put Harry in danger for being the AIDS metaphor a werewolf.
- The Weasleys have all but adopted Harry, and Arthur never even tried to be a father figure to Harry.

The idea that it's better to grow up with an abusive father rather than none at all is a hell of a take, I'll give you that. Especially with how the past decade of children's media has shifted to be more about how non-traditional families are valid, the idea that the grown adult who used their position of authority over you to emotionally and sometimes even physically abuse you over the course of seven years was a positive influence because at least he taught you how to be a real man and besides that's just how he expressed himself and deep down inside he just wants what's best for you even if you don't recognize it is just...wow.

SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011

STOP BEING EVIL.


I liked Snape better before the sixth book, when they had already done the plot where he seemed like a bad guy, but turned out to be an okay person who just kinda hated Harry on a personal level because he was a bit of a poo poo. Because maybe you can just not get along with somebody without it being some grand indictment of you as a person.

And then the books did the "Oh, is he really evil?" plot all over again, but with double the angst from bringing in Snape's tragic childhood, and a bunch of massive contrivances instead of just a series of misunderstandings.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


You could just make wizard politicians make an unbreakable vow to do their jobs right.

paragon1
Nov 22, 2010

FULL COMMUNISM NOW


Grimey Drawer

SlothfulCobra posted:

turned out to be an okay person .

Massive racist, public Nazi sympathies, abusive to those he has power over, literally unable to express the slightest modicum of kindness without imminent death being involved

Roth
Jul 9, 2016


I think they mean in the first book specifically. Most of that was in later books after the "He's a dick but he's on our side in the end" bit from the first book.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


paragon1 posted:

Massive racist, public Nazi sympathies, abusive to those he has power over, literally unable to express the slightest modicum of kindness without imminent death being involved

he's the only guy who makes harry do homework and he had to start using the imperius curse to make him eat vegetables. the other wizards are all hosed up on potions and dust and reward children for fighting dragons

josh04
Oct 19, 2008

oscar winning cinema enthusiast





reignofevil posted:

You could just make wizard politicians make an unbreakable vow to do their jobs right.

Assume they're the wizard version of etherium contracts, unbreakable, unchangeable and largely useless for anything legal.

amigolupus
Aug 25, 2017

This is the dance
of our people



Sleeveless posted:

The idea that it's better to grow up with an abusive father rather than none at all is a hell of a take, I'll give you that. Especially with how the past decade of children's media has shifted to be more about how non-traditional families are valid, the idea that the grown adult who used their position of authority over you to emotionally and sometimes even physically abuse you over the course of seven years was a positive influence because at least he taught you how to be a real man and besides that's just how he expressed himself and deep down inside he just wants what's best for you even if you don't recognize it is just...wow.

Sorry, I think you misunderstood me. I wasn't saying that at all.

I was trying for a joking tone when I made that reply, and it was with the idea that Snape's like the only person who actually looks at Harry and sees him as a constant rulebreaker and a mediocre wizard who only gets by because he has Hermione to carry him. Does he have a point about Harry? Yes. Does it justify his treatment of Harry? Nope! Hell, Neville's one of my favorite characters and no amount of tragic backstory from Snape will make me not hate him for how he abused Neville in his class for 7 years.

SlothfulCobra posted:

I liked Snape better before the sixth book, when they had already done the plot where he seemed like a bad guy, but turned out to be an okay person who just kinda hated Harry on a personal level because he was a bit of a poo poo. Because maybe you can just not get along with somebody without it being some grand indictment of you as a person.

And then the books did the "Oh, is he really evil?" plot all over again, but with double the angst from bringing in Snape's tragic childhood, and a bunch of massive contrivances instead of just a series of misunderstandings.

While Rowling kept adding to Snape's backstory to explain why he's a massive dick or why we should feel sorry for him, it doesn't really work because Snape never stops being an rear end in a top hat or stops tormenting his students for the rest of the books.

SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011

STOP BEING EVIL.


I'll be honest, I don't really remember any of the abuse Snape gave aside from giving detentions and taking points from Gryffindor (which it's weird that the house system has the houses competing but also the teachers are part of the houses so they're directly motivated to cheat the system in their favor). My memory of Snape's tragic backstory getting picked on by Harry's dead dad is kinda just Squidward if he loved Sandy.

Anyway, Harry's best father figure is probably Hagrid, who is always there for him when he could be, but then Harry imprinted most on Dumbledore who is actually just kinda using Harry and isn't actually there for him most of the time, but he tries to make up for it by piling on a lot of unearned praise and making big grand gestures.

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017
how about we just not have the toilet cthulhu

Snape is literally just a grown man in a position of authority being openly pissed at a pre-teen because he didn't get to gently caress his mom.

There's a whole bit where Snape is the only one who can teach Harry about psychic defenses and doesn't really work because he hates Harry so much, and when Snape switches jobs and a better Potions teacher comes out of retirement Harry suddenly does a whole lot better at it. Snape is a lovely teacher.

Butternubs
Feb 15, 2012


There's one thing that's never mentioned in the books but I think is one of the most interesting questions about the wizarding world: Moving anime body pillows.

JethroMcB
Jan 23, 2004

We're normal now.
We love your family.


Butternubs posted:

There's one thing that's never mentioned in the books but I think is one of the most interesting questions about the wizarding world: Moving anime body pillows.

Harry's first visit to Diagon Alley should've featured a scene where he walks into a store and is immediately confronted with wall-to-wall merch with his own "living" face on it

amigolupus
Aug 25, 2017

This is the dance
of our people



Butternubs posted:

There's one thing that's never mentioned in the books but I think is one of the most interesting questions about the wizarding world: Moving anime body pillows.

How do you think Fred and George got the money to develop products for their joke shop before Harry came along and gave them a thousand Galleons?

MonsieurChoc
Oct 12, 2013

Every species can smell its own extinction.




josh04 posted:

Hah, this really fits. Genial, warm, full of wisdom, terribly sorry that he's sent you unknowingly to your death again.

It really clicked for me when I finally got around to reading Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy.

Great book and movie btw. I should get around to watching the series one of these days.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


amigolupus posted:

How do you think Fred and George got the money to develop products for their joke shop before Harry came along and gave them a thousand Galleons?

Selling weed to hufflepuffs

Feldegast42
Oct 29, 2011



Did anyone ever read that fanfic that imagined Harry as a radical athiest incel that reddit loved

W.T. Fits
Apr 21, 2010


They'll never see it coming...


FunkyAl posted:

Selling weed to hufflepuffs

No self-respecting Hufflepuff smokes weed they bought from someone else when their head of house is also the teacher for herbology.

ungulateman
Apr 18, 2012
Hello I am a person doing a thing via buttons. It's amazing what electronic singnals traveling through space can accomplish.

Makes ya think.

Purple m&ms are the best.

Feldegast42 posted:

Did anyone ever read that fanfic that imagined Harry as a radical athiest incel that reddit loved

boy did i

i think my favourite part in hindsight is the last five or so chapters desperately scrambling to point out what an idiot and terrible person the story's version of harry is, culminating in their version of voldemort going to great lengths to prevent him from destroying the entire world, and then harry just pulls increasingly stupid tricks out of his rear end to kill all the death eaters and keep voldemort's barely-alive body in his backpack (because one of his horcruxes is the Voyager plate)

there's a few really good ideas mixed in with a lot of absolute garbage, probably the worst of which is the extremely tiresome and overdrawn ender's game sequences that just kept going. and going. and going.

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Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017
how about we just not have the toilet cthulhu

FunkyAl posted:

Selling weed to hufflepuffs


W.T. Fits posted:

No self-respecting Hufflepuff smokes weed they bought from someone else when their head of house is also the teacher for herbology.

was gonna say, that sounds like the wizard equivalent of selling ice to eskimos

though that sounds weird now that ice is a widespread australian term for crystal meth

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