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Baudolino
Apr 1, 2010

THUNDERDOME LOSER

I would`nt mind a "rise of voldemort" show where we see how he got started with the death eaters , how he became so obsessed about death and so on.
Ends with him entering the Potter`s house. People love cynical male antiheros so you can`t go wrong. It will establish what we knew all along, it was at Hogwarts not the orphanage that he got abused and spiritually broken by a muggle teacher while Dumbledore was being his oblivious self. If Hogwarts is supposed to represent the boarding school system then you really cant leave out the buggery.

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The Moon Monster
Dec 30, 2005
THIS CUSTOM TITLE WILL COME IN HANDY WHILE LURKING


Fiendfire is evil magic, possibly the most evil, so Harry, a good guy, couldn't use it or even consider using it.

Sydin
Oct 29, 2011

Another rainy day commute





Exactly, Harry would never stoop so low as to cast evil fire! He only uses some light dark magic, like the cold blooded torture spell that only works if you power it with a sadistic want to hurt another. Multiple times.

CainFortea
Oct 15, 2004





Sydin posted:

Exactly, Harry would never stoop so low as to cast evil fire! He only uses some light dark magic, like the cold blooded torture spell that only works if you power it with a sadistic want to hurt another. Multiple times.

Are you kidding me? He knows exactly one spell and it's the one that knocks people's wands out of their hands.

Guy A. Person
May 23, 2003



CainFortea posted:

Are you kidding me? He knows exactly one spell and it's the one that knocks people's wands out of their hands.

lol that he arrogantly is like "if you dumb children think Expeliarmus is stupid, then how did it save me against Voldemort, huh?" when he knows full well it was twin core bullshit that saved him and he could have cast a nose itching spell against Voldy and probably gotten the same effect

Roach Warehouse
Nov 1, 2010




How powerful is the room of requirement? Could they have just gone in there with the intent to find all the horcruxes in it?

Sydin
Oct 29, 2011

Another rainy day commute





Guy A. Person posted:

lol that he arrogantly is like "if you dumb children think Expeliarmus is stupid, then how did it save me against Voldemort, huh?" when he knows full well it was twin core bullshit that saved him and he could have cast a nose itching spell against Voldy and probably gotten the same effect

"Everybody told me my signature spell was dumb, and I told them, straight up, that it saved me from Voldemort. You should have seen the look on their faces when they realized how wrong they were. And then everybody clapped."

Asterite34
May 19, 2009




CainFortea posted:

Are you kidding me? He knows exactly one spell and it's the one that knocks people's wands out of their hands.

tbf the "make you drop your gun" spell seems like it would be pretty OP

Jazerus
May 24, 2011



does harry even learn a single spell after the "knock someone unconscious" spell? i mean i guess "render people helpless and then knock them out" is the basic skillset of a wannabe cop but his total lack of interest in anything that isn't really mundane is dumb as hell

Sydin
Oct 29, 2011

Another rainy day commute





He picks up patronus in PoA and a decent handful of utility and offensive spells in Goblet to prepare for the dragon and the maze, all of which he imparts to his secret club in OotP. That's also the first one where he uses an unforgivable curse, and in HBP he learns Snape's dark magic spell and almost kills Draco with it. He doesn't learn anything new in the final book but it's the one where he starts flinging the imperius curse around left and right on top of crucio.

The lack of spell diversity among the core trio is pretty lame, particularly from Hermione who's supposed to be some spellcasting genius. You hear cool poo poo in Goblet about how Krum transfigured himself into a wereshark for the lake challenge or the duel in OotP where Dumbledore animates a ton of statues to intercept killing spells and dogpile Voldy, but the core trio just never really bothers beyond charms, DatDA, and in the last book a shitload of unforgivable curses.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



I think you'll find they're not unforgiveable if a cop used them in the course of their job.

Edit: It is seriously insane how many people in Harry Potter go on to be cops, like JK just frantically copy pasted the ending for ever character to make deadline

JethroMcB
Jan 23, 2004

We're normal now.
We love your family.


Barudak posted:

Edit: It is seriously insane how many people in Harry Potter go on to be cops, like JK just frantically copy pasted the ending for ever character to make deadline

"Hmmm if I want to use these characters again when my BILLION DOLLARS aren't enough it would probably be easy to write a bunch of wizard detective books where they all solve wizard crimes

man I love my BILLION DOLLARS"

Jazerus
May 24, 2011



Sydin posted:

He picks up patronus in PoA and a decent handful of utility and offensive spells in Goblet to prepare for the dragon and the maze, all of which he imparts to his secret club in OotP. That's also the first one where he uses an unforgivable curse, and in HBP he learns Snape's dark magic spell and almost kills Draco with it. He doesn't learn anything new in the final book but it's the one where he starts flinging the imperius curse around left and right on top of crucio.

The lack of spell diversity among the core trio is pretty lame, particularly from Hermione who's supposed to be some spellcasting genius. You hear cool poo poo in Goblet about how Krum transfigured himself into a wereshark for the lake challenge or the duel in OotP where Dumbledore animates a ton of statues to intercept killing spells and dogpile Voldy, but the core trio just never really bothers beyond charms, DatDA, and in the last book a shitload of unforgivable curses.

okay but he learns stupefy in OotP i think. as soon as he gets the Cop Spell he stops, i think sectumsempra is legit the only spell he learns after stupefy. the unforgivables don't really count because you apparently don't have to put any effort into mastering them, which i guess makes sense. they're especially reviled because they're both easy and awful

amigolupus
Aug 25, 2017



Guy A. Person posted:

lol that he arrogantly is like "if you dumb children think Expeliarmus is stupid, then how did it save me against Voldemort, huh?" when he knows full well it was twin core bullshit that saved him and he could have cast a nose itching spell against Voldy and probably gotten the same effect

loving lol that Rowling introduced a brand-new Hufflepuff to question Harry about that, and she wrote him as this annoying, aggressive twat. who cares if his question is legitimate, he's being so meaaaaaan about it.

Jazerus posted:

does harry even learn a single spell after the "knock someone unconscious" spell? i mean i guess "render people helpless and then knock them out" is the basic skillset of a wannabe cop but his total lack of interest in anything that isn't really mundane is dumb as hell

IIRC, Sectumsempra is the last spell Harry learns willingly, and it's only because Snape's old book helped him do better at Potions so he wondered if the random spell in the margins did anything cool. In the last book, he learns how to do a bunch of warding spells to protect their tent's location from being located, but those are spells that Hermione learned on her own and just passed onto Harry.

It's insane how loving lazy Harry is at learning magic. You'd think he'd be stoked to learn all kinds of cool poo poo, considering he's basically a Muggleborn and new to magic. Snape's assessment of Harry being a mediocre wizard who only gets by because of Hermione was absolutely spot-on.

Sydin posted:

He picks up patronus in PoA and a decent handful of utility and offensive spells in Goblet to prepare for the dragon and the maze, all of which he imparts to his secret club in OotP. That's also the first one where he uses an unforgivable curse, and in HBP he learns Snape's dark magic spell and almost kills Draco with it. He doesn't learn anything new in the final book but it's the one where he starts flinging the imperius curse around left and right on top of crucio.

The book sort of makes you think that they had a whole bunch of secret club meetings before getting caught, but Harry's repertoire means that, realistically, they probably only met three or five times before running out of material. It could have been a great character moment in OotP for Harry to realize he didn't have that many defensive spells to teach to everyone and had to do some basic research into what would be useful or not. Hell, Harry having to come up with a lesson plan could have been a good lead-up to him becoming a Defense teacher in the future, instead of a cop.

Doctor Spaceman
Jul 6, 2010

"Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."


Roach Warehouse posted:

How powerful is the room of requirement? Could they have just gone in there with the intent to find all the horcruxes in it?

From what I can remember it seems to be limited to being a normal but useful room, like a toilet or a dormitory or a storeroom or a training room.

NikkolasKing
Apr 3, 2010





amigolupus posted:

The book sort of makes you think that they had a whole bunch of secret club meetings before getting caught, but Harry's repertoire means that, realistically, they probably only met three or five times before running out of material. It could have been a great character moment in OotP for Harry to realize he didn't have that many defensive spells to teach to everyone and had to do some basic research into what would be useful or not. Hell, Harry having to come up with a lesson plan could have been a good lead-up to him becoming a Defense teacher in the future, instead of a cop.

I agree with your overall point about Harry's lack of knowledge being a critical flaw in the books but even if he knew only about four or five spells, you don't just learn a spell instantly. Somebody like Neville could take all five of those meetings just to learn one thing.

To quote one of the guys from RiffTrax guys, "Oh Neville, you rose to a level of mild competence!" after several montages of them meeting.

MikeJF
Dec 20, 2003






Well one of the reasons that Harry lead the Army classes was that he was best at DatDA and outdid Hermione in the exams, so in theory he must know a bunch of spells, we just never see him use them because he's not very creative and just finds it easier to spam a few basic attacks over and over until one of them gets through.

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017


Quoth James Cameron,

"Nevermore"



OTOH what the hell were they doing in Defense Against the Dark Arts? I don't remember Quirrel's classes at all, Lockhart didn't teach them poo poo, Lupin's year was all battling creatures like some kind of hosed up evil Hagrid class, and Umbridge very deliberately avoided practical lessons. Snape's main thing was showing them gory slides about zombies. Harry excelling at that class doesn't say much. I think the undercover nazi was the only one that taught any actual spells.

Also, Harry learns the bullying levitation spell James uses from Snape's book, and in the video games he has a non-evil fire spell. Add those to his repertoire. Also he tries out the levitation spell by just blasting Ron with it in the dorms, not knowing what it does yet. Good thing he didn't use the evil sword spell that time.

Doctor Spaceman
Jul 6, 2010

"Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."


Lupin taught riddikulus.

Quirrell was a poo poo teacher but did manage to pass on a few things. Ends up better than Umbridge and Lockhart in that regard.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



My takeaway given the teachers hired is there is no way to actually defend against the dark arts and thus Harry's constant use of curses showed he was the only person who learned anything from those classes.

Zesty
Jan 17, 2012



Nah. He saved using it without knowing what it did to maim another classmate.

Zesty
Jan 17, 2012



It seems until book 4, dark arts is just evil-seeming creatures. All of lockhart's books were about ghouls or whatever.

Doctor Spaceman posted:

Lupin taught riddikulus.

Quirrell was a poo poo teacher but did manage to pass on a few things. Ends up better than Umbridge and Lockhart in that regard.

I don't think we ever saw a Quirrel class, movie or book, except briefly when Wood is introduced in the movie.

Doctor Spaceman
Jul 6, 2010

"Everyone's entitled to their point of view, but that's seriously a weird one."


Zesty posted:

I don't think we ever saw a Quirrel class, movie or book, except briefly when Wood is introduced in the movie.

Yeah there's that scene and a couple of other references here and there (like treating werewolf bites). There's one bit later on where Harry thinks about the various DADA classrooms but I can't remember where.

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017


Quoth James Cameron,

"Nevermore"



He teaches you a spell in the spookiest area of the first video game. Also he has a ton of security trolls, which makes the "troll in the dungeon" scene later a lot funnier. We know Quirrel, you hired them. I guess he just has a way with them. Maybe Quirrel's real dream was Care of Magical Creatures.

e: if you consider the PS1 or PC versions of Philosopher's Stone canon, which you should, that tells a lot about Harry's spell list. Nick teaches him flippendo, Flitwick teaches him wingardium leviosa, Snape for some reason teaches him a fire spell, and McGonagall teaches him a spell that transforms desks into statues of birds. I forget what Quirrel teaches but it is something.

Edgar Allen Ho fucked around with this message at 12:23 on Mar 27, 2021

josh04
Oct 19, 2008

I'll see you in the dome





Fliiiiipendo!

Doctor Spaceman posted:

Yeah there's that scene and a couple of other references here and there (like treating werewolf bites). There's one bit later on where Harry thinks about the various DADA classrooms but I can't remember where.

That in OoTP about the DotDA teacher's office, he reflects on it being full of books when Lockhart was there, full of monsters when Lupin was there, full of broken dark detectors when Moody was there, and maybe something about Quirrel idk.

NikkolasKing
Apr 3, 2010





Edgar Allen Ho posted:

He teaches you a spell in the spookiest area of the first video game. Also he has a ton of security trolls, which makes the "troll in the dungeon" scene later a lot funnier. We know Quirrel, you hired them. I guess he just has a way with them. Maybe Quirrel's real dream was Care of Magical Creatures.

e: if you consider the PS1 or PC versions of Philosopher's Stone canon, which you should, that tells a lot about Harry's spell list. Nick teaches him flippendo, Flitwick teaches him wingardium leviosa, Snape for some reason teaches him a fire spell, and McGonagall teaches him a spell that transforms desks into statues of birds. I forget what Quirrel teaches but it is something.

He teaches F-F-Flipendo Mr. P-P-Potter.

I guess now is as good a time as any to post that Rirse uploaded all of Roosevelt's HP videos
https://youtu.be/-C32r5eQskQ?list=PLZ-06zMCdll3emOBBReTtQHUApuS4SKdB

Relive the magic with me, won't you?

Also Video Game Lockhart teaches three spells: Rictusempra, Spongify and I think Scourge. As Roosevelt noted, he has done, in contrast to the books or movies, an excellent job of teaching.

amigolupus
Aug 25, 2017



So what you're all saying is that everyone but Umbridge were better teachers to Harry than Dumbledore, who taught him zero spells.

Asterite34
May 19, 2009




Edgar Allen Ho posted:

He teaches you a spell in the spookiest area of the first video game. Also he has a ton of security trolls, which makes the "troll in the dungeon" scene later a lot funnier. We know Quirrel, you hired them. I guess he just has a way with them. Maybe Quirrel's real dream was Care of Magical Creatures.

e: if you consider the PS1 or PC versions of Philosopher's Stone canon, which you should, that tells a lot about Harry's spell list. Nick teaches him flippendo, Flitwick teaches him wingardium leviosa, Snape for some reason teaches him a fire spell, and McGonagall teaches him a spell that transforms desks into statues of birds. I forget what Quirrel teaches but it is something.

This one actually kinda makes sense, you gotta get the fire under the cauldron going somehow. What, are you gonna use a lighter, like a filthy muggle?

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


I couldn't fit the "which you should" into the thread title but know it's there in my heart.

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011


EEEEEEEY YO

One must imagine the PS1 version of Philosopher's Stone canon.

NikkolasKing
Apr 3, 2010





karmicknight posted:

One must imagine the PS1 version of Philosopher's Stone canon.

I was trying to figure out why the hell Hogwarts had a troll bedroom but then somebody mentioned security trolls so I guess that's the answer.

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017


Quoth James Cameron,

"Nevermore"



Is it sad that this is one of my favourite songs these days? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QM8nHCWQbwg

Sydin
Oct 29, 2011

Another rainy day commute





Edgar Allen Ho posted:

OTOH what the hell were they doing in Defense Against the Dark Arts? I don't remember Quirrel's classes at all, Lockhart didn't teach them poo poo, Lupin's year was all battling creatures like some kind of hosed up evil Hagrid class, and Umbridge very deliberately avoided practical lessons. Snape's main thing was showing them gory slides about zombies. Harry excelling at that class doesn't say much. I think the undercover nazi was the only one that taught any actual spells.

Also, Harry learns the bullying levitation spell James uses from Snape's book, and in the video games he has a non-evil fire spell. Add those to his repertoire. Also he tries out the levitation spell by just blasting Ron with it in the dorms, not knowing what it does yet. Good thing he didn't use the evil sword spell that time.

In OotP there's one point where Umbridge sounds off to her class about how terrible the track record of the DAtDA teachers is, and while the class is pushing back one of the kids (Seamus I think?) is all "honestly that secret death eater guy pretending to be Moody taught us loads." I really like the idea that Crouch Jr. while in deep cover try to kill Harry actually ended up turning out one of more well put together anti-dark magic semesters Harry ever had.

Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006


The Moon Monster posted:

Fiendfire is evil magic, possibly the most evil, so Harry, a good guy, couldn't use it or even consider using it.

*whispers in harry's mind*

i've got a better plan, kid. point that wand at wrinkles and say "ultima." maybe bring sunglasses 'cause the goth dudes gonna be undergoing several types of fusion and fission and you'll be needing those eyes for your long healthy life

oh btw meteor is a latin word too

GodFish
Oct 10, 2012

We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret. We exist in shadow.

And we dress in black.


Edgar Allen Ho posted:

He teaches you a spell in the spookiest area of the first video game. Also he has a ton of security trolls, which makes the "troll in the dungeon" scene later a lot funnier. We know Quirrel, you hired them. I guess he just has a way with them. Maybe Quirrel's real dream was Care of Magical Creatures.

e: if you consider the PS1 or PC versions of Philosopher's Stone canon, which you should, that tells a lot about Harry's spell list. Nick teaches him flippendo, Flitwick teaches him wingardium leviosa, Snape for some reason teaches him a fire spell, and McGonagall teaches him a spell that transforms desks into statues of birds. I forget what Quirrel teaches but it is something.

In the pc version Quirrel teachers Flippendo, Hermione teaches alohomora, Flitwick teaches wingardium leviosa,Sprout teaches incendio and that's all the spells you get in that one. Snape just sends you into the dungeons to grab potion ingredients for the whole lesson and doesn't teach you anything, as fits his character.

Guy A. Person
May 23, 2003



Sydin posted:

In OotP there's one point where Umbridge sounds off to her class about how terrible the track record of the DAtDA teachers is, and while the class is pushing back one of the kids (Seamus I think?) is all "honestly that secret death eater guy pretending to be Moody taught us loads." I really like the idea that Crouch Jr. while in deep cover try to kill Harry actually ended up turning out one of more well put together anti-dark magic semesters Harry ever had.

Yeah, Crouch Jr. does a lot of stuff that ends up being helpful in the guise of just using people. Like he gives Neville some encouragement which probably helps Neville a lot at the time but it's all just to give him the book with gillyweed in it.

Also the scene with Umbridge is hilarious. She lists Quirrel as the best DAtDA teacher and even if she thinks the "Voldemort on the back of the head' thing is BS, dude still tried to choke a student to death (just shows her priorities really lol). Also she's like "do you expected to be attacked in my classroom?" but there were two murderers out of the 4 teachers thus far, and given what she thinks about werewolves she should concede "yeah actually this is class has a pretty dangerous track record"

JethroMcB
Jan 23, 2004

We're normal now.
We love your family.


Edgar Allen Ho posted:

McGonagall teaches him a spell that transforms desks into statues of birds.

Thinking about version of a Harry Potter where all spells have this sort of extraordinarily limited scope. There is no general "transfiguration" spell where intent is involved, but instead very specific spells for very specific results. Classroom full of students moaning about "When am I ever going to need a Bird Statue? McGonagall just focuses on this one so much because she invented it."

Shwoo
Jul 21, 2011



GodFish posted:

In the pc version Quirrel teachers Flippendo, Hermione teaches alohomora, Flitwick teaches wingardium leviosa,Sprout teaches incendio and that's all the spells you get in that one. Snape just sends you into the dungeons to grab potion ingredients for the whole lesson and doesn't teach you anything, as fits his character.
Quirrell also teaches you Lumos in the PC version, which is used to make glowing platforms appear for some reason.

GodFish
Oct 10, 2012

We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret. We exist in shadow.

And we dress in black.


Shwoo posted:

Quirrell also teaches you Lumos in the PC version, which is used to make glowing platforms appear for some reason.

I knew I was forgetting something!

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Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised




Does Barty Crouch Jr have any real personality besides apparently method acting his way into being Moody?

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