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https://twitter.com/floppyadult/status/1382740631110373386
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Apr 15, 2021 21:37
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Moaning Myrtle is actually a hero. Everything would have been solved by diplomacy and talking it out if Harry hadn't interrupted her comforting Malfoy. In the alternative timeline, Harry is depressed accountant who has nightmares about his abusive childhood. Instead, Malfoy is convinced of the error of his ways by Myrtle and they become the first ghost/human romance in history. Myrtle, now happy she has someone that likes and loves her, ascends to the afterlife. Draco is left with a bittersweet melancholy yet he is determined to live his life to the fullest and wait until his natural death to see her again.
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Apr 15, 2021 22:49
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reignofevil posted:I do think Molly would probably say no and Arthur would probably trade all the galleons away to a muggle for a ship in a bottle that he could enchant a race of tiny magical monkeys to crew and captain on a bathtub sea but it doesn't really make Harry feel any more generous as a character that he never really came up with anything in his off time to improve their lives like they might say no to the money but I bet if he had ever actually done any brainstorming he could have found at least something he could purchase 'for himself' and then just forget to take back to school with him when he was done visiting the Weasely house. He also probably could've asked Dumbledore how to secretly transfer some of his money to the Weasleys's bank account. Fantastic Foreskin posted:Doesn't Harry offer to give them money for something at some point and Molly turn him down? No, Harry felt awkward and bad from seeing how empty the Weasleys's vault was while his was full of gold and wishes he could give them some of his wealth, but he never actually talks with Molly or Arthur about it. The entire thing never gets revisited in later books, which is weird considering the Weasleys are basically his surrogate family by that point.
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Apr 16, 2021 02:17
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i finally understand why wizards poo poo their pants
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Apr 16, 2021 02:54
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Do you think that when "Remus Lupin" got werewolfed by Fenrir Greyback, his parents went "goddamit we really shoulda seen that coming" Also who were Lupin's parents? Was he pureblood? Is there a Most Noble and Ancient House of Lupin? For that matter is there a Most Noble and Ancient House of Greyback? His parents too, whoever they were, should have seen that coming.
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Apr 16, 2021 03:16
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Plausibly Harry wouldn't have the legal wizard authority to do major transactions with his account as a minor. Possibly as a young child he just never considered doing major transactions. I think he does pay for stuff for Ron a few times and it's awkward and stuff. Are wizard textbooks the same kind of racket as American college textbooks? Can you get the monster book of monsters used? What happened to Harry's parents' house? Why wasn't that part of some kind of inheritance? Were the Potters just renters? Did all of their worldly possessions get sold in an estate sale except for the cloak of invisibility?
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Apr 16, 2021 03:25
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:Do you think that when "Remus Lupin" got werewolfed by Fenrir Greyback, his parents went "goddamit we really shoulda seen that coming" He was halfblood, his dad was a wizard and mom was a muggle which is why they were targeted by Greyback iirc.
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Apr 16, 2021 03:26
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SlothfulCobra posted:Plausibly Harry wouldn't have the legal wizard authority to do major transactions with his account as a minor. Possibly as a young child he just never considered doing major transactions. I think he does pay for stuff for Ron a few times and it's awkward and stuff. Are wizard textbooks the same kind of racket as American college textbooks? Can you get the monster book of monsters used? It's still standing, all exploded up (which raises even more questions about what the gently caress the killing curse actually does because fake Moody definitely didn't explode that spider). They visit it in Deathly Hallows. There's also a big "Here lie Lily and James Potter, parents to our beloved wizard messiah Harry" memorial that only wizards can see. Muggles see it as a World War 2 memorial to, presumably, people from their village that either died in battle or got killed in the Blitz. Pretty hosed up of the wizards.
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Apr 16, 2021 03:33
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SlothfulCobra posted:Plausibly Harry wouldn't have the legal wizard authority to do major transactions with his account as a minor. Possibly as a young child he just never considered doing major transactions. I think he does pay for stuff for Ron a few times and it's awkward and stuff. Are wizard textbooks the same kind of racket as American college textbooks? Can you get the monster book of monsters used? You can't tell me Dumbledore doesn't know a shady way to get those pesky goblins to transfer Harry's money *coughImperiocough*.  Though come to think of it, does Harry even have someone who managed his trust fund while he was still a minor? All I know is that Harry got his key from Hagrid, which I thought implied he had full control to do major transactions and poo poo.As for Harry's parents's house, book 7 showed it still stands in its exploded state like some kind of grim memorial. If I were Harry, I'd pick to tear down the place where my parents got murdered and do something productive with the land, like build an orphanage for kids whose parents died in Voldemort's regime. Speaking of Harry's house, did Harry buy a brand-new house when he grew up, or did he embrace his inner pureblood and live in Grimmauld place?
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Apr 16, 2021 03:58
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:It's still standing, all exploded up (which raises even more questions about what the gently caress the killing curse actually does because fake Moody definitely didn't explode that spider). They visit it in Deathly Hallows. There's also a big "Here lie Lily and James Potter, parents to our beloved wizard messiah Harry" memorial that only wizards can see. Muggles see it as a World War 2 memorial to, presumably, people from their village that either died in battle or got killed in the Blitz. Pretty hosed up of the wizards. Wizards basically don't see muggles as human. What with the special name for them and all the racist stuff about not being a "pureblood." Also how wizards are just allowed to erase muggle memories whenever they feel like it.
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Apr 16, 2021 04:09
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SlothfulCobra posted:Plausibly Harry wouldn't have the legal wizard authority to do major transactions with his account as a minor. Possibly as a young child he just never considered doing major transactions. I think he does pay for stuff for Ron a few times and it's awkward and stuff. Are wizard textbooks the same kind of racket as American college textbooks? Can you get the monster book of monsters used? Yeah, it's a minor plot point in the second book that the Weasleys have to stretch their meager funds to be able to afford five full sets of Gilderoy Lockheart's books for that year's Defense Against the Dark Arts course. They got most of Ginny's books second-hand, which is how Lucius was able to slip Tom Riddle's old diary into one of them without anyone getting suspicious about it.
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Apr 16, 2021 04:29
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Ror posted:fake edit: oh no, there are African house elves called Yumboes, I've gone too deep Oh my god
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Apr 16, 2021 04:36
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https://mobile.twitter.com/Fr1sbee/status/1382681912548921345
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Apr 16, 2021 05:55
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Zore posted:He was halfblood, his dad was a wizard and mom was a muggle which is why they were targeted by Greyback iirc. his dad tried to get greyback executed because werewolves are "soulless, evil, deserving nothing but death" apparently if one thing is true about wizards, it's that they try as hard as possible to get murdered by saying bigoted poo poo constantly
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Apr 16, 2021 06:12
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:Do you think that when "Remus Lupin" got werewolfed by Fenrir Greyback, his parents went "goddamit we really shoulda seen that coming" a fun theory i've seen a few times is that harry potter characters go to a seer to name their kids, which is why everyone has nominative determinism cranked all the way up. additional theory: in the case of remus, he's a wolf animagus who just happens to get bit by a werewolf
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Apr 16, 2021 08:08
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Names are given to you by the weird backwards insular inbred british government and thats your job for life. Everyone outside of the UK has long since embargoed them for their slavery and the weasley kids who work overseas likely escaped smuggled across the irish dmz
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Apr 16, 2021 09:01
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If anybody actually went to hogwarts they'd be over that poo poo in an afternoon. Between the house points system, blatant teacher favoritism and the fact that you get bad marks for not being able to say 'scrumdiddlybumptuousness' because it's the magic password that makes your front door let you into your bedroom after a long miserable day being berated for not saying other nonsense words properly I think most would choose to just walk into the forbidden forest and die.
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Apr 16, 2021 11:58
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I think you should take a personal day, posting friend.
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Apr 16, 2021 13:51
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Lol that slytherin won the house cup six years running. Imagine being in your senior year about to finish strong and then Dipshit Dumbledorf pulls a million house points for his own dudes out of his rear end, while all the slytherin banners and everything are already up. It's not like any of the slytherin, hufflepuff, or ravenclaw kids even got the chance to go on a cool basement adventure or murder any of their teachers to make up the extra points. On the bright side, McGonagall and Snape being catty frenemies and playing favourites is one of the better parts of the earlier books. Also lol that their final meeting was Snape throwing a duel and then doing a looney tunes dive out the window to keep his deep cover triple agent scheme going for just a little bit longer. Edgar Allen Ho fucked around with this message at 14:17 on Apr 16, 2021 |
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Apr 16, 2021 14:15
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I like how in OotP when Umbridge gives her chosen thugs the power to add/subtract house points, Malfoy coming up with arbitrary reasons to suck points away from Gryffindor is portrayed as more proof that he's a piece of poo poo evil bully when Dumbledore did the exact same thing in the first book, just in reverse and with his thumb even more on the scale than Malfoy ever shows.
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Apr 16, 2021 19:01
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I'm still perplexed when people recommend Methods of Rationality as one of the best fanfiction they've read. I guess it's got a hook because it's such an odd thing to insert into the HP universe, but it's not, uh, pleasant to read.
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Apr 16, 2021 19:24
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every isekai was a documentary
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Apr 16, 2021 19:27
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Ccs posted:I'm still perplexed when people recommend Methods of Rationality as one of the best fanfiction they've read. I guess it's got a hook because it's such an odd thing to insert into the HP universe, but it's not, uh, pleasant to read. I know a lot of folks on here don't like Harry Potter but MoR was big with a different kind of HP hater, the types who were all "a dude with a machinegun could kill every wizard no problem!" They'd debate how wizards aren't that special nd muggles could totally kill all of them. It was in a scifi forum that really hated HP where I first found out about it. Harry Potter is a very....sentimental work. As I've grown older, some of the things that used to drive me crazy about the series, i either now see as a positive or at least recognize what Rowling was trying and respect that. Harry's lack of agency and ambition is intentional, not an oversight. It fits with the core themes of the books that have been there since Philosophe's Stone. There's something o be said for this idea but its execution is not great. MoR "fixes" this. Or so I hear.
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Apr 16, 2021 19:40
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HPMoR got a tons of free publicity from fans presenting it as "Harry deconstructs Rowling's hacky worldbuilding with real science and teaches you about it!" nerd power fantasy when the fanfic can't even achieve that, he basically just uses the Time-Turner he's given right at the start and everything else he does is by exploiting rules Yudkowsky made up on his own. All the while lecturing people about the author's own crank beliefs. Lots of people have gotten mileage out of "HP's magic doesn't make sense!?" and done it better than that, such as this comic here . Predictably, the comments are all about recommanding HPMoR.
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Apr 16, 2021 20:14
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I know this is the Harry Potter riff thread but half of what doesn't make sense in the books are based off of / satire of regular dumb English culture things while the other half are in service of the story / themes. Its fun to pick apart that stuff, especially in the later books but some nerds get way into the hatedom to the point where they write even dumber more problematic stuff than what JKR now puts out
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Apr 16, 2021 20:21
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NikkolasKing posted:MoR "fixes" this. Or so I hear. The thing I got from MoR from the Let's Read was that it was an adult man who read the HP books and decided that a bunch of stuff was stupid and essentially wrote himself into the book as Harry effectively trying to speed run the entire series with his knowledge of the greater meta-narrative. It's actually hilarious because for all the lofty talk about "Rationality" and "Logic" the way this Harry accomplishes his goals is by being a total little sociopath and manipulating or blackmailing everybody in the school to get his way (at least, as far as I followed along)
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Apr 16, 2021 20:49
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Guy A. Person posted:The thing I got from MoR from the Let's Read was that it was an adult man who read the HP books and decided that a bunch of stuff was stupid and essentially wrote himself into the book as Harry effectively trying to speed run the entire series with his knowledge of the greater meta-narrative. It's actually hilarious because for all the lofty talk about "Rationality" and "Logic" the way this Harry accomplishes his goals is by being a total little sociopath and manipulating or blackmailing everybody in the school to get his way (at least, as far as I followed along) This is almost correct except the dude never read the books by his own admission, only other HP fanfic.
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Apr 16, 2021 21:04
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YaketySass posted:HPMoR got a tons of free publicity from fans presenting it as "Harry deconstructs Rowling's hacky worldbuilding with real science and teaches you about it!" nerd power fantasy when the fanfic can't even achieve that, he basically just uses the Time-Turner he's given right at the start and everything else he does is by exploiting rules Yudkowsky made up on his own. All the while lecturing people about the author's own crank beliefs. God, Boulet rules. Like look at this: http://english.bouletcorp.com/2018/08/31/4519/ Feldegast42 posted:I know this is the Harry Potter riff thread but half of what doesn't make sense in the books are based off of / satire of regular dumb English culture things while the other half are in service of the story / themes. Its fun to pick apart that stuff, especially in the later books but some nerds get way into the hatedom to the point where they write even dumber more problematic stuff than what JKR now puts out It's very funny that a lot of what people really thought was charming/inventive about HP turns out to just be "awful facts about British education."
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Apr 16, 2021 21:12
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yeah the HPMoR is just the worst kind of stemlord going 'i fukkin love science' only they wrote 100000000 words about how 'magic isn't real' it's like babies first deconstruction. And as bad as Harry Potter is, 'science doesn't allow that' is a poo poo response because in the setting of HP, magic has primacy over science. It doesn't care what science says. I think that might actually be the problem. It's a pride thing.
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Apr 16, 2021 22:43
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It sounds kind of similar to the Russian novel The Last Ringbearer which gets talked up as "Lord of the Rings but from Mordor's perspective" but its really just a rewrite of the story with Elves and Wizards as explicitly evil. So it actually doesn't bring any kind of actual commentary to the premise.
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Apr 16, 2021 22:53
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oh my god the yumboes are known for stealing things and disappearing
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Apr 17, 2021 00:42
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Aardvark! posted:oh my god the yumboes are known for stealing things and disappearing It seems the claim is that they're based on the myths of Yumboes where are an actual myth from the Wolof people of what is now Senegal. They would steal corn from humans.
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Apr 17, 2021 00:53
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There's also a french mythological creature that is house elf-ish. They do farm work for you if you respect them and come gently caress up your poo poo and steal your kids like fey pranksters if you disrespect them. Kinda a better deal all around than the literal slave elves. Also, JK really loves writing mystery novels but sucks at actually writing mysteries, and specifically giving you the clues so you can figure it out before the climax, and I've been meditating on them today: Mystery 1: Who the hell is this Snape guy, is he evil? Mystery solved by: No one really. Quirrel himself I guess, who takes off his hat in the process of trying to murder a student and reveals Hitler has been sharing a body with him the whole time. Dumbledore deserves a callout here because he apparently was absent for the climax because Quirrel sent him a fake letter summoning him to the Ministry and he just mounted a broom and zoomed off. We've seen you teleport Albus, what the gently caress were you doing? Mystery 2: Who the hell put this racist snake chamber in the basement of our school? Is the racist murder chamber even real?? Mystery solved by: Dead Hermione. All the clues were given after the fact by the paper clutched in her hand. Dumbledore deserves another callout here. He already worked at school the first time all this business happened. And he was absent again because he himself was hauled off to the torture prison by Lucius Malfoy in the process of hauling off poor Hagrid, framed a second time. I'm not sure this guy should be allowed to teach kids. Mystery 3: A replay of mystery 1. Who is this sexy dark-haired man and is he evil? Mystery solved by: Sirius Black, who emerges from the shadows to exposit the plot and murder his former best friend. Mystery 4: What is the deal with this tournament? Mystery solved by: Lord Voldemort himself, who exposits the plot and cackles while he fails once again at child murder. Mystery 5: Woah woah woah, what is that orb? Mystery solved by: Lucius Malfoy, who once again exposits the plot once all the secrets have been revealed Mystery 6: Who is that book? Is that my dad? What man could I possibly imagine whose magical specialties are potions, dark arts, and dueling spells? Mystery solved by: Dumbledore, dying on purpose, and Snape, explaining things very very clearly in case you missed the plot. Mystery 7: What the hell is a Deathly Hallow? Somebody really should have told us about those by now if this school had any worth. Mystery solved by: Xenophilius Lovegood
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Apr 17, 2021 01:52
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:There's also a french mythological creature that is house elf-ish. They do farm work for you if you respect them and come gently caress up your poo poo and steal your kids like fey pranksters if you disrespect them. Kinda a better deal all around than the literal slave elves. house elves are brownies that have had some kind of nasty slavery spell put on their entire species imo probably britain is the only nation that hasn't voluntarily removed the spell, if anyone else even did it to begin with. the other students shunned hermione's campaign to free the house elves mostly because her ideas sounded dangerously french
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Apr 17, 2021 02:04
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If this is too self-promotional, someone tell me off and I'll remove it, but I mentioned earlier how I got one of the Harry Potter cover artists to the do the cover to my own fantasy book. The history of this thing is, well, back in 2017 I tried my hand at writing a fanfiction about Ron as an auror in a fantasy world working for a group of muggles trying to stamp out rogue wizards to preserve peace. Eventually I dispensed with the fanfiction roots and retooled things so it's actually a corrupt order of wizards controlling magic. Then that got further retooled, drafts became further drafts... Anyway if anyone wants to read it, it'll be free to download this weekend, or it's currently available to read for free on Kindle Unlimited. https://www.amazon.com/dp/B092CHN6S6/ Ironically I didn't even tell the cover artist about the Ron connection and he made his hair red anyway, almost like he knew...
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Apr 17, 2021 02:26
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The worst mystery in Harry Potter was "who is RAB?" and pretty much everyone immediately figured it out
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Apr 17, 2021 02:34
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Also “is Snape a bad guy actually?” Where the obvious answer was “lol nah”
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Apr 17, 2021 02:39
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Guy A. Person posted:Also “is Snape a bad guy actually?” Where the obvious answer was “lol nah” I mean the actual answer is 'hell yes but for some reason we're going to pretend this isn't true'. Like Snape is a tremendously horrible person and abusive piece of poo poo but gets a pass because he isn't working for Wizard Hitler.
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Apr 17, 2021 02:46
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I will say that while from my current perspective, Hogwarts is dumb and not very full of wonder and I don't really see much appeal anymore, one of the big accomplishments of Harry Potter was to really make headway into mundane fantasy, like coming from the opposite angle of magical realism. You're drawn in by the promise of wonderment and magic, but actually the real fantasy you're supposed to get hooked by is just being a kid at school with friends and stuff. Which was great at inspiring new readers to see value in more boring premises while also reminding writers about how sci-fi/fantasy can be more about real and relatable issues rather than the high drama of rescuing the Skiplups of Thranmantublar from the oppression of the dark Gronthax, slayer of Hierduin and lord high Strebnullator of Na'brenks. YaketySass posted:Lots of people have gotten mileage out of "HP's magic doesn't make sense!?" and done it better than that, such as this comic here . Predictably, the comments are all about recommanding HPMoR. Isn't it that another thing that is directly analogous to British boarding schools? They're in buildings that are centuries old and have to take weird archaic solutions to be functional for modern living. And when they grow up and become adults, they're totally unconcerned with solving all the problems of the world. This bit's fun.  Although I think part of the point is that magical people will end up doing magic one way or another when their magic starts blooming, so they might as well teach them to use it responsibly rather than let it keep firing off at random.
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Apr 17, 2021 03:20
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Abstinence only magic education
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Apr 17, 2021 04:58
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