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Edgar Allen Ho posted:Potter would get a DC crossover. Zatanna becomes the new DADA teacher and is fired after a year because she refuses to wear the traditional robes, much less pants. "It's...it's a distraction for the students. And the teachers...Hagrid and Filch. Also people from Hogsmeade keep wandering onto campus and hanging around."
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Jul 30, 2021 18:27
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 21:16 |
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Pants are against the dress code at hogwarts. This isn't a joke they don't wear pants under the robes.
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Jul 30, 2021 18:34
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DC crossover but it's because they decided to pilfer Alan Moore's work some more and eventually reached that one LXG comic where Harry is the Antichrist.
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Jul 30, 2021 18:38
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GodFish posted:Pants are against the dress code at hogwarts. This isn't a joke they don't wear pants under the robes. Neither does Voldemort apparently, although that's less because of dress code and more to provide Bellatrix easy access.
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Jul 30, 2021 19:03
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GodFish posted:Pants are against the dress code at hogwarts. This isn't a joke they don't wear pants under the robes. Well you don't want pants on if you're pooping where you stand constantly
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Jul 30, 2021 19:17
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Must be awkward to run and have your robes flapping around your bare legs. Harry always wore used trainers, too. At least Slughorn wore layers, slippers and a fez or night caps to actually complete the ensemble. Just knobbly-legged wizards sprinting around and battling in shorts, bathrobes and gym shoes. bit weird.
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Jul 30, 2021 19:51
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They did a magic school set recently that was very obviously HP inspired, but having Lilianna show up as a prof makes me think about how your average MtG black mana user would consider the Death Eaters huge scrubs. Not as bad as literally no one knowing how to cast a counterspell though.
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Jul 30, 2021 20:22
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Up to just before the Dumbledore/Voldemort fight in OotP and the bit where Harry chases Bellatrix is extremely weak. He does an adventure-game-style chase where Bellatrix is leaving every room he enters, then rapidly rotates around the stupid fountain letting different statues take Bellatrix's every shot at him.
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Jul 30, 2021 21:06
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I really wish JKR wasn't a reprehensible rear end in a top hat bc between her bad finale, podcast, and this thread, I now think of "Snape-shaped hole" every other day and cackle at it. Him flying away flapping his cape like a bat and the window hole has even his hair as part of it and he has to fly away like a literal bat flapping crazily while he's bleeding all over from diving through a window You almost gotta hand it to her ***** do not hand it to her JK is one of the most garbage people on earth
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Aug 5, 2021 02:30
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:***** do not hand it to her JK is one of the most garbage people on earth Her atrocious politics have left a Snape-shaped hole in my heart.
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Aug 5, 2021 09:20
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I was stuck for some time on "You're my captain now, Harry!"
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Aug 5, 2021 09:34
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Some of the most egregious parts of the story itself besides the ending and the epilogue is that Rowling keeps adding in "canon" after the fact. It universally sucks. Example: Minerva "Born and Taught In Two Completely Separate Time Periods" Mcgonagall graduates Hogwarts, becomes a cop (naturally) and falls in love with a muggle. However, because she wants to keep the job she hates, she doesn't tell the muggle dude she is a witch. So after accepting his original proposal, she tells him she changed her mind but never tells him why because *International Statute of Secrecy*. This makes no sense but apparently memory modification doesn't exist if he takes it badly and obviously he would totally be against having a witch wife. Or something. She ends up leaving her job for Hogwarts after two years, which is apparently enough experience to become a teacher in Dippet's regime, even though Riddle is just too dang young. Meanwhile, her former boss who is way older than her, offers her a big promotion before she leaves (probably to get her to stay). Her former boss then repeatedly proposes marriage. She turns him down over and over because she still has feelings for the muggle farmer, only accepting her boss's proposal after the muggle farmer dies. It's a supposedly happy marriage. He's retired, while she works (big age gap). They have no children. So she definitely settled. There is more but, much like the rest, its a bunch of crap. None of it makes any sense based on the timeline, canon or Mcgonnall's personality. About the only things it does match up with is the series' cockamamie themes about love and interhouse rivalry/hatred, but that is another post. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yes I absolutely can do better, but it really doesn't matter. We don't need a detailed description of the early life and background of every drat prominent side character. For Snape, Dumbledore and some others it makes sense to have it because it has the benefit of explaining the motivations and actions of characters within the context of the story. Cranappleberry fucked around with this message at 18:57 on Aug 5, 2021 |
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Aug 5, 2021 18:45
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You left out the parts where the muggle lover got murdered by death eaters and the wizard lover got murdered by a plant. e: for those who don't know the lore, I don't mean plant as in a double agent, I mean plant as in the thing that does photosynthesis Edgar Allen Ho fucked around with this message at 22:06 on Aug 5, 2021 |
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Aug 5, 2021 22:01
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Hahahahhaha holy poo poo I assume this is all from Pottermore (which I am sure she just churned poo poo out to get more views/subscribers and therefor more money)
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Aug 5, 2021 22:11
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:You left out the parts where the muggle lover got murdered by death eaters and the wizard lover got murdered by a plant. I mean, that's not unusual for Harry Potter. Magical plants capable of murdering you have been a thing since the first book.
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Aug 5, 2021 22:22
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Yeah, remember that book 2 features 12 year olds learning to replant plants that murder you if you unroot them and a tree that tries to beat people to death.
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Aug 5, 2021 22:28
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:You left out the parts where the muggle lover got murdered by death eaters and the wizard lover got murdered by a plant. The plant was a plant planted by Mcgonagall to finally kill off her creepy husband. Zore posted:Yeah, remember that book 2 features 12 year olds learning to replant plants that murder you if you unroot them and a tree that tries to beat people to death. Hey they have earmuffs! Nothing at all could go wrong like, say, someone accidentally brushing into someone else and knocking them askew. The Whomping Willow was raised to be abusive. I love how Harry and Ron are covered in injuries and Snape is all "And you damaged a very valuable tree!" As if that wasn't a massive red flag that maybe this guy has deranged priorities and altogether ain't right. But then again, nobody even bothers to help their injuries so I guess no one thinks its a big deal or is just desserts.
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Aug 6, 2021 03:37
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Hogwarts teachers 100% have a betting pool which of their pupils will die horribly first.
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Aug 6, 2021 06:25
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Junkozeyne posted:Hogwarts teachers 100% have a betting pool which of their pupils will die horribly first. Everybody goes hard in on Harry biting it while Mcgonagall gets huffy and Dumbledore laughs in the corner.
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Aug 6, 2021 06:52
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Neville would've been a strong bet the first few years by falling off a broom or blowing himself up in Potions or something
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Aug 6, 2021 09:17
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Ok let's be fair to Snape here, that specific tree was planted to conceal a secret passageway for his bullies, and was a key part of a prank that would have seen him murdered. He's a garbage rear end in a top hat but his tree overreaction in 2 was entirely understandable. It also gave us one of the best Snape-McGonagall frenemy scenes, now forever ruined bc we know McGonagall was ordering slaves to send up a tray of sandwiches rather than conjuring them. Edgar Allen Ho fucked around with this message at 14:42 on Aug 6, 2021 |
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Aug 6, 2021 14:39
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The rare Rowling retcon that adds to the characterisation, rather than just moving some poo poo around.
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Aug 6, 2021 14:40
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chaleski posted:Neville would've been a strong bet the first few years by falling off a broom or blowing himself up in Potions or something Yet the 3:2 odds leader in the Neville Death Pool was "Non-magical accident (tripping, choking etc.)" JethroMcB fucked around with this message at 15:14 on Aug 6, 2021 |
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Aug 6, 2021 14:48
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Sydin posted:Everybody goes hard in on Harry biting it while Mcgonagall gets huffy and Dumbledore laughs in the corner. At least until Harry's third year, when Trelawney starts publicly predicting Harry's imminent death whenever she gets the chance, since she's never been right before.
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Aug 6, 2021 14:54
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Magically throwing my 8-year-old grandson off the roof to see if he can save himself.
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Aug 6, 2021 14:55
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:Magically throwing my 8-year-old grandson off the roof to see if he can save himself. the longbottoms are trash people
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Aug 6, 2021 16:43
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Harry was definitely most teachers' top pick for dying horribly. Dumbledore's for sure. Even he was surprised that how Harry had managed to survive and had to look into extremely obscure, perhaps unique, magic for the reasons why. Most of them probably wouldn't have picked Hermione until she gets involved with Harry's crew and then I'm sure she jumped to the top of the list. Ron was probably considered a poor bet despite him being Harry's best friend because he wasn't important or relevant enough. Snape begrudgingly bet against Harry dying because he was personally invested in keeping him alive and knew Lily was smart enough to leave protection. Plus Harry has uncanny luck and "more talented friends" to bail him out. He probably bet Neville and at least had side bets on whether Crabbe or Goyle would die first. No way at least one of the two was going to make it the full 7 years.
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Aug 6, 2021 18:03
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I also imagine Malfoy was a dark horse pick, especially after he decided to be a dumb rear end in a top hat to a gently caress-off Hippogriff and got savaged.
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Aug 6, 2021 18:09
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You just know that at least one teacher was fuming about Fred and George dropping out, only for one of them to bite it when they came back to defend the school in Book 7.
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Aug 6, 2021 18:10
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W.T. Fits posted:At least until Harry's third year, when Trelawney starts publicly predicting Harry's imminent death whenever she gets the chance, since she's never been right before. As soon as she does it all flips, other teachers start laughing thinking "oh wow then I guess Harry's gonna live forever!" meanwhile Dumbledore has gone stonefaced.
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Aug 6, 2021 18:27
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:Ok let's be fair to Snape here, that specific tree was planted to conceal a secret passageway for his bullies, and was a key part of a prank that would have seen him murdered. He's a garbage rear end in a top hat but his tree overreaction in 2 was entirely understandable. Wouldn't he hate the tree then and not care about how "valuable" it was, or is this more because it just triggered those memories
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Aug 6, 2021 18:34
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She was right before though, her honest-to-god correct prediction was the inciting incident for Harry being wizard Jesus and Snape defecting and all the poo poo that happens. That apparently very skilled and knowledgeable profs like McGonagall and Flitwick treat her like poo poo is the real confusing bit. She also does a lot lesser readings that turn out correct, and our heroes throw her in the trash even though a second major correct prediction was the inciting incident for the best book's climax.
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Aug 6, 2021 18:42
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IIRC Dumbledore kinda plays up that she's a fraud and didn't tell anybody about the actual legit prophecy because he was worried she'd be in danger otherwise. So as far as all the other teachers are aware Trelawney sucks and her employment is one of Dumbledore's weird flights of fancy. When you've got a ghost teaching your history class I guess you can just get away with hiring anybody.
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Aug 6, 2021 18:46
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Sydin posted:IIRC Dumbledore kinda plays up that she's a fraud and didn't tell anybody about the actual legit prophecy because he was worried she'd be in danger otherwise. So as far as all the other teachers are aware Trelawney sucks and her employment is one of Dumbledore's weird flights of fancy. When you've got a ghost teaching your history class I guess you can just get away with hiring anybody. She also had the reputation as a fraud/crank before Dumbledore hired her. When we see the memory where she gives him the prophecy, he's clearly not interested in hiring her and is rolling his eyes at her bad attempts to cold read him. Then she zones out and gives an actual prophecy and he decides to keep her close in case it happens again. Honestly the bigger question is how she managed to wrangle an interview with him. The way prophecy is handled is just insane in the series though. The fact that every single prophecy ever made is magically recorded and stored in the notoriously corrupt Ministry of Magic but prophets are just sort of allowed out to do whatever they want and you can have people think all divination is garbage is  .
Zore fucked around with this message at 18:56 on Aug 6, 2021 |
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Aug 6, 2021 18:52
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Zore posted:Honestly the bigger question is how she managed to wrangle an interview with him. Pedigree; she was the descendant of a famour Seer, so he wanted to see if she might have inherited the Gift. Sydin posted:IIRC Dumbledore kinda plays up that she's a fraud and didn't tell anybody about the actual legit prophecy because he was worried she'd be in danger otherwise. Yeah, this is supported in Book 5 when Umbridge fires Trelawney and there's that big scene in the hallway where she's in hysterics because she has nowhere to go if she leaves Hogwarts, only for Dumbledore to step in and reassure Trelawney that she doesn't have to leave, and makes it a point to Umbridge that while she may have the authority to fire his staff, she does not have the authority to evict them from the castle grounds.
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Aug 6, 2021 19:01
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What's the actual deal with the final battle of 5? Voldemort clearly knows the prophecy. He doesn't murder the Potters and get blown up and have his girlfriend torture Neville's parents if he doesn't, and Snape's main deal is he heard the prophecy, told Voldemort, then defected and told Dumbledore. But for some reason our dude's scheme, after he's already bodily resurrected in badass snakeman form and his chief lieutenants have broken free, is he needs his strongest forces to go steal and/or break the prophecy ball that contains the prophecy he already knows and acted on? The prophecy his entire villainy is based on? The prophecy ball one of his strongest and evilest bruisers broke casually as a joke?
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Aug 6, 2021 19:32
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Edgar Allen Ho posted:What's the actual deal with the final battle of 5? Voldemort clearly knows the prophecy. He doesn't murder the Potters and get blown up and have his girlfriend torture Neville's parents if he doesn't, and Snape's main deal is he heard the prophecy, told Voldemort, then defected and told Dumbledore. he knows half of the prophecy because snape only heard half of it and also he's a huge moron who was probably brain-damaged by all of the dumb wizard poo poo he did to himself, so he's obsessed with hearing the whole thing in case it contains an out for the whole "dark lord will be vanquished" part at the beginning
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Aug 6, 2021 19:36
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Yeah I think he wants to listen to it over and over again because he's worried it means that they're both gonna die or maybe just one of them is gonna die also there's some business about a power the dark lord knows not and possibly he's worried snape misheard or some poo poo and all these factors are things he wants to make sure he's super-duper clear on.
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Aug 6, 2021 19:37
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Yeah acting on half the prophecy is precisely what got him blown to poo poo so like "let me hear the precise legalese of the full thing" makes sense. What never made sense is nobody telling Harry what the "weapon" they were protecting was and why it would be dumb and pointless for him to be tempted to go get it (or lured by a fake dream to go get it)
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Aug 6, 2021 19:45
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 21:16 |
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"He's a huge moron" or "he's a huge narcissist" are basically the answers for everything questionable that Voldemort does. A lot of it is annoying from a narrative standpoint but it's hard to argue that they're out of character because Voldemort is a shithead.
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Aug 6, 2021 19:51
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