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reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


I've gotten the go ahead from Roth to open up the contest, I'll have the thread up by this evening eastern standard time.

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Hodgepodge
Jan 29, 2006


reignofevil posted:

We love you cranappleberry. We love you and we love wizards so much.

Ever wish you were a wizard?

That would be, as the the ancient runes say, "sweet af."

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017


Quoth James Cameron,

"Nevermore"



Who would be a better ůod, Snape or James?

HIJK
Nov 25, 2012

People were stupid, sometimes. They thought the Library was a dangerous place because of all the magical books, which was true enough, but what made it really one of the most dangerous places there could ever be was the simple fact that it was a library.


I think its an embarrasing and massive L that the Hogwarts staff was shown up by Barty Crouch Jr. being a better teacher than a lot of them, while being in disguise and staying in character as Moody.

YaketySass
Jan 15, 2019

Blind Idiot Dog


He's also the most competent villain in the series. The overall plan was stupid but he played his part perfectly, it was his boss who couldn't manage the final blow.

Sydin
Oct 29, 2011

Another rainy day commute





Crouch Jr. was for sure the most competent villain in the entire series and it's not even particularly close. If Voldy hadn't been such a prophecy-fixated dweeb Crouch could have easily killed Harry like a dozen times over. Not only did he gain Harry's complete trust and even admiration to an extent, the entire staff bought into his disguise including Dumbledore. We even see a scene of him drinking with staff in Hogsmede which means he was allowed to come and go as he pleased. So even if it had to be Voldemort there was literally nothing stopping Crouch from calling Harry to his office after hours, stupifying him the second he walks through the door, chucking him into Moody's back of holding, and waltzing out the front door to a place he could apparate straight to his master.

Asterite34
May 19, 2009




Sydin posted:

Crouch Jr. was for sure the most competent villain in the entire series and it's not even particularly close. If Voldy hadn't been such a prophecy-fixated dweeb Crouch could have easily killed Harry like a dozen times over. Not only did he gain Harry's complete trust and even admiration to an extent, the entire staff bought into his disguise including Dumbledore. We even see a scene of him drinking with staff in Hogsmede which means he was allowed to come and go as he pleased. So even if it had to be Voldemort there was literally nothing stopping Crouch from calling Harry to his office after hours, stupifying him the second he walks through the door, chucking him into Moody's back of holding, and waltzing out the front door to a place he could apparate straight to his master.

...naaaaw, it'll never work. Easier to rig the Wizard NCAA Playoffs

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Voldemorts plan to make his greatest enemy fight a dragon only had one flaw, he never snuck in to watch.

Sydin
Oct 29, 2011

Another rainy day commute





My personal reading which I'm sure was in no way intentional is that Crouch Jr. is just so taken aback by how gullible Harry and the entire Hogwarts staff are, and just how easy it would be to bump off or whisk away his prize, that he figures it's got to be some kind of trick by Dumbledore to make him lower his guard and so he sticks to the longterm plan.

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017


Quoth James Cameron,

"Nevermore"



Voldemort needed Harry's blood to make himself immune to Lily's mom magic. He didn't want to disintegrate like Quirrel.

But consider this: what if Crouch Jr or Lucius or fuckin Draco or anyone just shot Harry dead? Dead Harry can't disintegrate anyone and "blood of the enemy" can be from Flitwick or whoever

NikkolasKing
Apr 3, 2010





Edgar Allen Ho posted:

Voldemort needed Harry's blood to make himself immune to Lily's mom magic. He didn't want to disintegrate like Quirrel.

But consider this: what if Crouch Jr or Lucius or fuckin Draco or anyone just shot Harry dead? Dead Harry can't disintegrate anyone and "blood of the enemy" can be from Flitwick or whoever

It's a propaganda thing. If Voldemort is to prove to himself and the world that he was never truly beaten, he can't just have one of his goons off Harry.

Like, people say Voldemort was dumb, and he was, but it was in a very believable psychological way. A lot of tyrants and serial killers have these kind of...compulsions.

Junkozeyne
Feb 13, 2012


Sydin posted:

My personal reading which I'm sure was in no way intentional is that Crouch Jr. is just so taken aback by how gullible Harry and the entire Hogwarts staff are, and just how easy it would be to bump off or whisk away his prize, that he figures it's got to be some kind of trick by Dumbledore to make him lower his guard and so he sticks to the longterm plan.

Getting increasingly more sarcastic only to have it taken as sincere

"Sure lets have the kids fistfight a group of trolls for the next trial."
"Great idea Moody, we will write that down next to the stealing eggs from dragons thing"

Sydin
Oct 29, 2011

Another rainy day commute





Junkozeyne posted:

Getting increasingly more sarcastic only to have it taken as sincere

"Sure lets have the kids fistfight a group of trolls for the next trial."
"Great idea Moody, we will write that down next to the stealing eggs from dragons thing"

Dumbledore: "Alright, we need to think of some creatures to spice up the hedge maze of death for the third challenge. Any idea?"
Crouch Jr: "How about the blast end skrewet things Hagrid made? Their armor reflects all magic and they can take off like a jet engine and smear you into paste. Would be almost impossible to deal with in a confined area like a maze corridor."
Dumbledore: "Moody..."
Crouch Jr: "Haha, I'm just kidding, of course that'd be too-"
Drumbledore: "That's a brilliant idea! Quick Minerva, fetch Hagrid for us!"
Mcgonagall: "Right away sir!"
Crouch Jr:

HIJK
Nov 25, 2012

People were stupid, sometimes. They thought the Library was a dangerous place because of all the magical books, which was true enough, but what made it really one of the most dangerous places there could ever be was the simple fact that it was a library.


Edgar Allen Ho posted:

Voldemort needed Harry's blood to make himself immune to Lily's mom magic. He didn't want to disintegrate like Quirrel.

But consider this: what if Crouch Jr or Lucius or fuckin Draco or anyone just shot Harry dead? Dead Harry can't disintegrate anyone and "blood of the enemy" can be from Flitwick or whoever

Tommy was obsessed with defeating Harry and in a way he had to so that he could keep his image as a dictator etc. Harry being alive meant a lot even to the resistance in the 7th book. So it makes sense that he would want Harry's blood so that there's one less barrier between him and killing Harry. It also gives him a way to psychologically intimidate Harry and Dumbledore. Tommy's obsession with self image and having to project power is a common thread between school yard bullies and Dark Lords.

W.T. Fits
Apr 21, 2010

Dream Super Combo


Yeah, Voldemort wanting Harry's blood specifically instead of just any random wizard who opposed him during his regime stems from a combination of him trying to game the system and get around Lily's sacrifice, and also to flex on everyone, both his enemies and his followers to prove that he's the biggest, baddest Dark Lord ever. He even straight up admits to the first part when he's addressing the Death Eaters in the graveyard following his resurrection.

SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011



Edgar Allen Ho posted:

Voldemort needed Harry's blood to make himself immune to Lily's mom magic. He didn't want to disintegrate like Quirrel.

But consider this: what if Crouch Jr or Lucius or fuckin Draco or anyone just shot Harry dead? Dead Harry can't disintegrate anyone and "blood of the enemy" can be from Flitwick or whoever

Didn't Harry's mom's magic make him immune to getting shot dead by Voldemort or his cronies? It never got explained much, but that sure seemed like the implication. Voldemort's first killing spell rebounded, and then Quirrel got burned to death for just aggressively grabbing Harry. I guess non-malicious imperio is fine. Kinda weird how the spell that begun the series gets to be vague and mysterious, but the series ends on magic following strict complicated rules.

Crouch Jr. could've maybe sabotaged the dragon fight to kill Harry, but I think for the most part they made clear that there were going to be measures and protections to keep any of the kids from dying.

Ccs
Feb 25, 2011




reignofevil posted:

I've gotten the go ahead from Roth to open up the contest, I'll have the thread up by this evening eastern standard time.

Nice. Is there a link to the thread anywhere?

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Ccs posted:

Nice. Is there a link to the thread anywhere?

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3967207

josh04
Oct 19, 2008

I'll see you in the dome





Have we considered the possibility that Voldemort came back wrong? That the tactical, manipulative genius who wreaked havoc on the wizard world fifteen years earlier actually lost a whole lot of lateral thinking power when he got turned into a shrimp man, and the idiot king who can't murder a child, of books five, six and seven, is coasting entirely on rep?

Jazerus
May 24, 2011



josh04 posted:

Have we considered the possibility that Voldemort came back wrong? That the tactical, manipulative genius who wreaked havoc on the wizard world fifteen years earlier actually lost a whole lot of lateral thinking power when he got turned into a shrimp man, and the idiot king who can't murder a child, of books five, six and seven, is coasting entirely on rep?

it turns out that splitting your soul up is kind of a bad idea. makes you smell bad and think like a moron.

Guy A. Person
May 23, 2003



Jazerus posted:

it turns out that splitting your soul up is kind of a bad idea. makes you smell bad and think like a moron.

“Even I, Lord Voldemort, who has gone future on the path to immortality than any person...”

*pauses suddenly with a vacant look, let’s a giant stream of drool out of the side of his mouth*

Regalingualius
Jan 6, 2012


josh04 posted:

Have we considered the possibility that Voldemort came back wrong? That the tactical, manipulative genius who wreaked havoc on the wizard world fifteen years earlier actually lost a whole lot of lateral thinking power when he got turned into a shrimp man, and the idiot king who can't murder a child, of books five, six and seven, is coasting entirely on rep?

He also split his soul more times than anyone else in recorded history, and part of him got all tangled up in Harry’s soul, too, so it would be believable that he became a lot more unstable than he was back in his prime. He’s obviously still got the smarts to be a fierce wizard, but he’s also probably much more vicious, impulsive, etc. than he was back then, and he starts trying to brute force anything that poses an obstacle to him.

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017


Quoth James Cameron,

"Nevermore"



Speaking of Voldemort, the movie version is not at all how I pictured him, but holy poo poo he rules in his own way. Naked cackling blue guy. Loves killing kids and being evil. He's amazing.

TinTower
Apr 21, 2010

You don't have to 8e a good person to 8e a hero.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cUBFN8KUrOc

Harry Potter is dead! Huehuehue!

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017


Quoth James Cameron,

"Nevermore"



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6rAzjEDIyEI

GodFish
Oct 10, 2012

We're your first, last, and only line of defense. We live in secret. We exist in shadow.

And we dress in black.


Sydin posted:

Dumbledore: "Alright, we need to think of some creatures to spice up the hedge maze of death for the third challenge. Any idea?"
Crouch Jr: "How about the blast end skrewet things Hagrid made? Their armor reflects all magic and they can take off like a jet engine and smear you into paste. Would be almost impossible to deal with in a confined area like a maze corridor."
Dumbledore: "Moody..."
Crouch Jr: "Haha, I'm just kidding, of course that'd be too-"
Drumbledore: "That's a brilliant idea! Quick Minerva, fetch Hagrid for us!"
Mcgonagall: "Right away sir!"
Crouch Jr:

To be fair Dumbledore probably asked Hagrid to breed him some hosed up monsters specially for the maze.

Ror
Oct 21, 2010

Everything's purrfect!







kissing cousins with photoshopping my little ponies into the holocaust. continuing to beg people to read another book unless they want these brainworms.

Zesty
Jan 17, 2012




TinTower
Apr 21, 2010

You don't have to 8e a good person to 8e a hero.


Sydin posted:

Dumbledore: "Alright, we need to think of some creatures to spice up the hedge maze of death for the third challenge. Any idea?"
Crouch Jr: "How about the blast end skrewet things Hagrid made? Their armor reflects all magic and they can take off like a jet engine and smear you into paste. Would be almost impossible to deal with in a confined area like a maze corridor."
Dumbledore: "Moody..."
Crouch Jr: "Haha, I'm just kidding, of course that'd be too-"
Drumbledore: "That's a brilliant idea! Quick Minerva, fetch Hagrid for us!"
Mcgonagall: "Right away sir!"
Crouch Jr:

You are Carl Kinsella AICMFP.

Zore
Sep 21, 2010




Ror posted:





kissing cousins with photoshopping my little ponies into the holocaust. continuing to beg people to read another book unless they want these brainworms.

Uh, this is the exact opposite of the My Little Pony thing though? The My Little Pony picture is insane and hosed up because someone has to photoshop a cartoon pony into a picture before they really understood the Halocaust.

This is someone using real life experience to say, 'woah this thing in Harry Potter is hosed up' which is like the absolute blandest and most normal thing to do with media that's doing any sort of allegory.


If instead the conversation had gone;

"Guys, I just figured it out. Being called the n-word is like being called a Mudblood, holy poo poo!!! Now I actually understand why people get so worked up about it." then it would be uh some real HP brainworms (and I have 0 doubt someone has said or written that exact sentence)

Zore fucked around with this message at 04:57 on May 10, 2021

amigolupus
Aug 25, 2017



josh04 posted:

Have we considered the possibility that Voldemort came back wrong? That the tactical, manipulative genius who wreaked havoc on the wizard world fifteen years earlier actually lost a whole lot of lateral thinking power when he got turned into a shrimp man, and the idiot king who can't murder a child, of books five, six and seven, is coasting entirely on rep?

Voldemort seemed perfectly fine with conquering Wizarding Britain that I like to imagine him accidentally putting a shard of his soul into Harry is what caused the deterioration. Like Harry is such an idiot that it dragged Voldemort down to his level.

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised




Voldemort is definitely a lot crazier than the Death Eaters expect in later books, but hard to tell how much of that is typical fascist going mad with power.

Then again, it's also literally just Britain where having total blithering idiots be in charge of everything is completely normal.

NikkolasKing
Apr 3, 2010





It's never really talked much about but I imagine the agony of having your soul ripped from your body and then living that warped "not really alive or dead" existence for over a decade does a number on a person's mind.

Also the unicorn blood is supposed to "curse" you, forcing you to live a "part life, a cursed life." Maybe that did something to his mind, too.

Ghost Leviathan
Mar 2, 2017

Exploration is ill-advised




It is shown that Voldemort almost literally has one foot in the grave by the last book because he's used pretty much every immoral, illegal and unholy method of immortality he could manage. And suddenly remembered the first book's whole thing is he's trying to get his hands on the only known reliable, no-downsides method of immortality.

Cranappleberry
Jan 27, 2009


the unicorn curse affects his host, it's never said if it affects Voldemort. If it does, he is likely to not notice it due to how much evil he has already done.

He wants the philosopher's stone because he is desperate, not because he wants to depend on it permanently. He thinks he could use it to build a new body and stay alive temporarily (plus sidle his way into Gringotts with all the monies because apparently goblins won't understand uncontrolled inflation out of nowhere).

Its also never stated if a Horcrux provides immortality. Maybe your body dies but your soul remains, forcing you to make a new one each time, maybe eventually the personality part of the soul evaporates and the Horcruxs are left trying to possess someone. Also he does other things that are not mentioned to make himself more long-lived and potentially immortal.

Regalingualius
Jan 6, 2012


Even the Stone had the one big drawback of needing to always be available to him on-demand (if not always on his person), though.

I forget, was it mentioned that Flamel was literally the only person who knew how to make it? Because otherwise, it is kind of weird that Voldemort apparently just completely gave up on the venture after the first try and never bothered again, considering how obsessed with immortality he was.

Edgar Allen Ho
Apr 3, 2017


Quoth James Cameron,

"Nevermore"



I wish there was more about alchemy. That's a fun kind of magic.

e: HP but it's also FMA and Ron is stuck in a robot body

muscles like this!
Jan 17, 2005




Ror posted:





kissing cousins with photoshopping my little ponies into the holocaust. continuing to beg people to read another book unless they want these brainworms.

Chamber of Secrets also had Malfoy just straight up saying he wished whoever was turning purple into stone had just killed Hermione instead so he was definitely a hosed up kid.

josh04
Oct 19, 2008

I'll see you in the dome





Cross-posting from the cined superhero thread

josh04 posted:



The whole outfit rules, unfortunately halfway through Order of the Phoenix he starts wearing this sub-Game-of-Thrones trash that doesn't even fit by the end of Deathly Hallows:


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SlothfulCobra
Mar 27, 2011



Just realized this thread turned 1 year old last month.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xy-4ykwGFDk

Cranappleberry posted:

the unicorn curse affects his host, it's never said if it affects Voldemort. If it does, he is likely to not notice it due to how much evil he has already done.

The whole point of slurpin' that blood was so that it would help Voldemort, so I don't see why the curse wouldn't affect Voldemort just like the magic nutrients.

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