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Barudak
May 7, 2007



Harry Potter growing up to be a cop is the funniest thing.

I quit the books at Prisoner of Azkaban, what a poo poo book.

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Barudak
May 7, 2007



Quodpot unironically sounds way more watchable as a sport, its like Gridiron and the Slam Dunk contest had an explosive baby

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Regarding being a hufflepuff via online quiz, I remember there was one that seemed normal like the others but no matter what you put in you were put in hufflepuff for exactly that reason

Barudak
May 7, 2007



I assume it works like the wizarding equivalent of those gravestones that are just highlight clip reels of the deceased. So theyll be a mess of what everyone remembers but miss a lot of the nuance.

It would make the Michael Jordan painting significantly less of an rear end in a top hat, is what Im saying

Barudak
May 7, 2007



I wonder how messed up the wizard paintings made of extant wizard painting are. Is it like a decaying VHS tape or is it just like one dumbledore looping forever through the one conversation topic it knows like bonzai buddy with alzheimers?

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Speleothing posted:

I feel like the "Harry becomes a cop" ending is fundamentally opposed to the "Harry decides to never get in a fight again so that the Death Wand lineage is forever broken" ending.

No no, its fine, Harry realized he just needs to avoid fights where the other person can fight back.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



VideoKid posted:

That is 100% better than what Rawling came up with for American magic.

American magic should have been the beverly hillbillies but with magic.

Butternubs posted:

it's actually canon that harry turns his magic body cam off before avada kedavaring unarmed goblins.

Just so he doesn't lose a fight of course.

I assume the magic body cams paint the scene the wizard cop says they saw, and why would they lie

Barudak
May 7, 2007



ungulateman posted:

as extremely not funny as 'harry potter, cop who kills minorities' is, it also doesn't make sense, because the setting has multiple infallible lie detectors and the burden of proof is on the accused party to drink the truth potion and say they didn't do it rather than on the accuser to provide evidence

Its mentioned the truth serum is unreliable and some wizards posses innate immunities to it, in addition to only revealing what the subject believes to be true. Further, you can bypass it by binding the information to be only able to be given out by the subjects own choice which the serum cant do since its an external compulsion. You can also just ingest its antidote preemptively.

Lastly Rowlings own notes state that even if Sirius took the serum and recounted it to the Wizengamot, they would have just said he bypassed it and ordered that testimony invalid

Barudak
May 7, 2007



reignofevil posted:

Now the imperius curse, that'll do the trick!

Enhanced Wizarding

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Fantasy authors, and frankly people in general, are really bad at estimating how large populations need to be to support various institutions and levels of society so Im not blaming her. She also never said hard numbers as I recall in the books so what ever else shes gurgling out from her bowels is even less relevant.

I think my favorite was the post apocalyptic sci-fi setting where an entire self sufficient agrarian community was capable of maintaining and upgraded fighter jets with a population of like 50 people.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



I recommend reading the first, possibly the second, then putting them down and walking away because consequenceless time travel gets introduced in book 3.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



People like Snape cause he's decently good looking in the film and its not like daddy issues cant apply to fictional characters.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



India and China share a school because a century ago Hogwarts administrated remote campuses there that they had to pull out from due to wizarding turmoil and you made it this far into this sentence unsure if Im joking or not.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



VanSandman posted:

Do British people hate their kids? The existence of boarding school seems to imply that they do.
I can't imagine wanting to send my daughter away for most of the year.

Its how you cultivate children so detached from everything that they can run an empire.

JethroMcB posted:

We're done with tweets, she's gone all in.

No no, what I meant to tweet was I hate all of you.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Ror posted:

at this excerpt from the HP wiki


Hermione joins wizard ICE and convinces herself that she is helping out the good ones

Mother of pearl, laffo.

JK just can't help herself, can she.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Given the bend of JKs post potter beliefs I assume messing up your casting makes you poorer and the reason the weaselys have little money is because they are bad students and inattentive practitioners of magic and should levitate themselves up by the bootstraps

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Field Elves, surely?

Now that I've said that, I'd like to pitch you my new film Dobby Unchained

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Man with Hat posted:

And yet throughout the whole goddamned thing everyone keeps talking about Harry being a good wizard. No. He's a poo poo wizard who happened to have potential that he's wasting.

He can't be a good wizard, he's a cop

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Coach says I got so many teams scouting me for quidditch the only math Im gonna need to know is the number on the check

Barudak
May 7, 2007



The professor getting increasingly irate the class keeps using the N*-*** word they learned from all the american wizard rappers

Barudak
May 7, 2007



I started hating them at book 3 and still got them gifted despite protesting I did not want them. My parents would quiz me on them to prove I had read them. Then they bought them in spanish and made me read those.

My loathing of Harry Potter is deep, friends, deep and wide

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Neville also doesn't grow up to be a cop.

Wait; he becomes an Auror then becomes a professor of Herbology? gently caress, I guess AGAB

Barudak fucked around with this message at 06:03 on Aug 26, 2020

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Yeah, the series lost all its charm for me with the start of Book 3. So so many people are like "but book 3 is the best one!!!" but its where the series lost me. Ghost soul sucking demons, kangaroo courts, and then for me the death of any non-serialized series honest to fuckin god timetravel

Barudak
May 7, 2007



I remember watching one of the harry potter films and during the denouement harry says something like "we've got something Voldemort doesn't have" and a friend said "what, noses?" and thats the only thing I can think of about harry potter films now.

It helps the only other one I watched I was absolutely shitfaced drunk with my dad who hasn't read a fiction book since he was 10 so struggling to explaining "magic" to a grown adult while deep into a bottle of jack Daniels took all my concentration.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Or just change how it works. A love potion where it has an infinite number of flavors but you only taste one and your perfect match tasted the exact same so you lie awake wondering if perhaps the pancake flavor she tastes is whole grain or enriched flour until it consumes you utterly.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Yeah, the American sport in Harry Potter is Aerial Basketball+Football and based on the rules could a) actually be a watchable game with some decent strategy and complexity and b) I can't tell if thats supposed to be the joke or just by stealing the core mechanics of two games made a decent game because JK Rowling is a lazy as gently caress author now unless its about making GBS threads on trans people from great heights

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Given her stunning creativity with Nomaj, the sport is obviously Foobaskball

Barudak
May 7, 2007



I went to a school with Houses and there was some sort of History to them but thanks to the House I was assigned not having won the House challenge since before I was born we believed we were Loser House and put absolutely 0 effort into winning anything.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



The sorting hat is a producer for a reality tv show and sorts the children accordingly

Barudak
May 7, 2007



I like to think Dudley grew up to be a public attorney specializing in cases of child neglect and abuse, but I assume in true Rowling fashion he grew somehow even fatter until he looked like Emperor Atreides.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Blue Lives Matter, said Dursley, fattily.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Edgar Allen Ho posted:

Itís a girl and her name is Delphini. She goes by Delphi Diggory after imperiusing dead Cedricís dad into thinking theyíre related.

Is she also somehow a cop?

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Every new fact I learn about the cursed child is more embarrassing than last to the point where Im convinced the play's script when written out is a picture of you, the reader, naked in highschool forced to take an exam you didn't study for

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Having watched the Lion King 2 about 5 times against my will, its not so terrible a film.

You know, for a kids film with a song about gently caress rooms.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Shine posted:

Do what, now?

It was a joke but the sequel has a song called Upendi which is their "can you feel the love tonight" but its presented as a cheap tunnel of love ride, starts with the monkey forcing the lions to kiss and then leading them into a hidden place to upendi, and the lyrics focus on physical actions rather than emotional ones.

Its not like the monkey says "this is why waterbeds are not all they're cracked up to be" but its a weirdly non romantic song about love for a disney film

Edit: its also incorrect swahili, it should be Upendo

Barudak fucked around with this message at 02:06 on Sep 12, 2020

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Shwoo posted:

I always took Upendi as a metaphor for how great it was to be in love, but I was most into the movie when I was nine.

Anyway, Cursed Child could only be improved by Harry exiling Scorpio Malfoy from Hogwarts while a group of students sing a song about his evil is as plain as the scar on his face, while meanwhile the ghost of James Potter schemes to get him together with Harry's son.

It is supposed to be, and you are totally correct, about the feeling of being in love. The issue is it doesnt really talk about the emotion of being in love so much as lines like "All the pink flamingos are intertwined" and "You can beat the bush like there's no tomorrow" which is why it feels off.

Harry Potter and the Cursed Child continues to surprise me with ever more embarassing new little details. Soon Ill learn it thanks the province of Xinjiang

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Hagrid has several bastard children he sired while in the US who are the starting linemen for Alabama football.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Harry, holding a bag of snacks and offering them to others, mouthing the lines everyone says as they die, while everyone else weeps.

Oi, this is the best part, he says just as Voldemort turns to blast his mother.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Turns out you can apprition the parts of your brain that give you ptsd. Its weird, like obviously I should be upset to watch my parents die but thanks to the procedure I don't feel that deep dread or remorse. Kind of sad if you think about it, but Ill tell you its made me a hell of a cop.

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Barudak
May 7, 2007



If you're curious why Voldemort found taking over so easy its because half of all wizards are cops

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