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reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Snape was pissed because Harry's mom never even gave him a pity gently caress tbh

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reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Yes there are motorcycle gangs but with brooms which is a real misstep imo because basically the first part of the first book establishes that Hagrid has a magic flying motorcycle so really there should be motorcycle gangs but with motorcycles.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Dobby is a "house elf". These are basically slaves who love being slaves and will actively seek to prevent you from liberating them from their position (you do this by giving them clothes to wear).

In one scene in the books Dobby, who has been freed by the actions of Harry Potter and now has learned to love freedom, is given a job at Hogwarts where he is paid a wage by Dumbledore in exchange for his labor. All of the other elves hate him for it and wish he would die. Dobby also reveals he actively negotiated for less pay with Dumbledore because he felt he was being compensated too highly. Only Hermione sees any problem with any of this and all of the other wizards treat her like one of those PETA freaks for like two whole books before eventually this plotline is dropped.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Voldemort is very explicitly a critique of rape and it's probably the most tone deaf possible way you could talk about the subject. In the books, which are much more defined in my head than the movies, he is just a weird little sociopath who loves to torture people at his orphanage and he never changes from this course even slightly in his life. This is because his mother enchanted his father with a love potion and then had sex with him, which results in an evil baby. That's right in JK Rowling's world if one of your parents does something evil and conceives of you, you will as a result be born entirely without the capacity for love and will become Wizard Hitler. What a great lesson. Some real Sins of the Father poo poo.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Voldemort does eat and thus probably does poop. In the first book he drinks unicorn's blood because some kinda magic something or other about it means that it was extending his miserable existence as a soul with no body to speak of. At the time he was inhabiting the backside of the defense against the dark arts teacher Professor Quirrel. Later on he speaks as to how he survived his terrible ordeal up until he met Professor Quirrel and the answer was that he was eating bugs and snakes and stuff iirc. Him pooping as a result really just follows logically. Later a magic ritual is used to make him a new body and generally I assume that he did not need to eat to sustain himself from this point on and probably wasn't pooping either.

As an aside it was brought up in the first book if you kill a unicorn and drink its blood you are cursed forever for some reason. Now maybe it was a loophole situation and Quirrel killed the unicorn but it really seems like JK just forgot about this entirely because it never comes up again and Voldemort suffers no genuine consequences from this act as best I can tell. Quirrel touches Harry Potter at the climax of the first book and turns into dust or some poo poo it's pretty gruesome but also has nothing to do with the Unicorn situation.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Dumbledore is at one point described as taking a vacation on a muggle beach during the summer months when he isn't teaching at Hogwarts but this is a daydream Harry Potter is having in actuality Dumbledore spent his summers punching his brother in the nose, generally getting all weepy that he let his sister die early in his life and also getting himself into whole heaps of trouble trying to find suspected Voldemort Horcruxes, which is exactly like a Phylactery for Liches in Dungeons and Dragons except you can make as many as you want. These Phylacteries are how Voldemort got to be a weird half-ghost who can live in the back of lonely men's skulls.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


There are secret wizard beaches. Wizards have a magic spell that makes things look innocuous to Muggles and also they have magic spells that make Muggles who get too close to the places they should not be suddenly remember urgent business elsewhere and go off to handle it. Also they have a spell that can compress space so for example 12 Grimmauld Place, a house owned by Harry Potter's godfather Sirius Black, would be compressed between addresses 11 Grimmauld Place and 13 Grimmauld place. Only if you know that it's already there will the space decompress for you and you will be able to see the building.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


The Ministry of Magic has spells that can erase a persons memory. Generally they do that. The prime minister of england has a painting that is enchanted to be able to move and talk and the wizarding world uses it to communicate important memos regarding imported dragons and such to the prime minister, who generally has no say at all in the matter. It can be assumed all major world leaders know that magic exists but the equivalent of a hostage situation is keeping them from speaking the truth to their constituents.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Wizard have medicine for gout. They have an entire hospital for handling magical maladies and the Hogwarts equivalent to a school nurse can handle things like having all of the bones in your body broken with a potion that regrows them all in one terrible evening. As best I can recall gout never really gets mentioned specifically but it's pretty likely it wouldn't be any bother for them to fix.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Arthur Weasley was a techno-wizard in so much as one could exist. He worked for the government and it was his job to impound the enchanted muggle devices being made by other wizards so that it didn't become apparent to Muggles that something weird was right under their nose. He was very interested in how our technology worked but also he was a complete dumbass so he never actually figured any of it out. He stole tons of stuff from work and 'tinkered' on it, including a flying car with an invisibility spell upon it. This gets hijacked by Harry and Ron in book two because Dobby is an rear end in a top hat.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


The snake at the end of Chamber of Secrets was a Basilisk. Either they have magic strings that come out of its head or else you noticed a wire-effect being used during the motion picture. Honestly there are like fifty good questions to be asked regarding the Basilisk and how in the gently caress it survived down there at all or got around ever and the answer is pretty much "gently caress you".

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


My favorite part of the prisoner of azkaban is the moment where you realize wizards have access to nearly perfect time travel technology and yet somehow live in fear of Voldemort and never try to use it to stop him. This gets glossed over by Hermione asking Harry what he would think if, for example, he encountered himself because sometime in the future he used a time turner to appear in the past, to which Harry responded 'I'd probably think there was some dark magic happening", this is because Harry is a loving moron.

So Voldemort kills people and then he puts the dark mark over their house, which gives you both a location and a timeframe to go use a time turner to bring every wizard you've got and murder the everliving poo poo out of him. Nobody ever tries this because they too, are morons. Later in the books JK realized she had written herself into a corner and had all the time turners be smashed in book 5, just in time for stuff to get really serious. The only problems with this are as follows.

1) Voldemort had several years of terror prior to the events of book 1 and any time during the events from book 1 -> 5 any wizard could have tried to do something about this. The way Voldemort got stopped would be incredibly easy to replicate once you knew how it was done if you were so inclined, though admittedly someone might have to die. Tough poo poo Voldemort had killed hundreds, maybe thousands of wizards by this point.

2) Any wizard who had a time turner during the events of book 5 would still have one. No explanation was given for why every time turner in the world would be located on this one set of shelves at that particular moment.

3) They had hundreds of them. They can not be very difficult to manufacture.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Roth posted:

He's a trust fund rich kid jock that does ok in school, marries his high school sweetheart, and becomes a cop

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0tsIGrG0m4

Look at this big rear end clock.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Also if anyone has any more questions about Harry Potter please ask them I have spent years of my life thinking about Harry Potter.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


I totally forgot all of that, book 7 was my least favorite of all of them.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Squizzle posted:

is harry potter part of the red alert timeline, or the tiberium timeline

Unfortunately, it is definitely part of the Generals timeline.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Absolutely yes.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


The twin towers were apparited open your eyes muggles.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


FunkyAl posted:

Which one of you is the Wizard Bumblesnatch!

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Wizards, if I'm recalling properly, justify their hidden nature with the logic of "Well if we told the muggles, they'd never stop asking us to solve their problems!"



So it's assholes all the way down. I'm glad we invented nuclear weapons and they didn't.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


FunkyAl posted:

*Cracks wizard staff against a boulder, casting the molecules of water from it and blasting it into a pile of grit and sand*

Why haven't I gotten your lesson plans for next month

Sorry sorry!



reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


So in the books it is made more clear that THIS particular triwizard tournament is gonna be slightly less deadly than standard. I am pretty sure the classic triwizard tournament, which iirc was banned for like forty years or something prior to the hogwarts revival in goblet of fire, was actually way deadlier than the one Harry and co had to go through. The idea was that the challenges should be no problem for any wizard who had managed to make it to sixth year, theoretically. Harry meanwhile was like fourteen or some poo poo so yeah he nearly died all of the time that he was in there and in truth there was absolutely no justifiable reason for the adults in the situation to put him through that.

So let's talk about why they did. That comes down to this idea known as a "magical contract" which is when you swear a binding oath OF MAGIC and if you break that oath you loving die. Ron got forced by his rear end in a top hat older brothers to make a unbreakable vow (one kind of magical contract) when he was like seven and he got interrupted from finishing the spell like partway through and he still almost died. poo poo sucks. Now this raises a ton of questions which I will detail here.

1) Who is monitoring this? The reason I ask is because this kind of thing is just begging for lots of dumb loopholes or stupid justifications for whatever. For example Snape swears an unbreakable vow to help Draco Malfoy murder Dumbledore but of course he really doesn't do that he just kills Dumbledore himself. Worse there were tons of times where Draco could have been caught or otherwise stopped and even one time where Harry put Draco in the fuckin' hospital while Draco was hiding in a bathroom crying trying to work up the courage to be a big man and commit some capital M murder. Would the spell have triggered if Draco had died? How would it know? Draco wasn't present for the casting of the spell, his mom made Snape do it iirc! Would Snape just fall over dead the second he learned that Draco himself had died of bloodloss?

2) How can a goblet, which was made by wizards, really be so magically powerful that it couldn't just be disenchanted to prevent it from killing anyone? Why should the wizard equivalent of a random number generator even be equipped with a murder-spell anyway? rear end in a top hat wizards I'm guessing.

3) How can a death eater posing as a defense against the dark arts teacher bamboozle this goblet and put in someone else's name anyway? Why would something which pretty much has to be infallible like an unbreakable vow in order to function at all suddenly find itself totally gung-ho to kill someone who never actually made an unbreakable vow, or any other kind of binding wizard's promise? I suppose we never actually test this so we can't actually be sure that Harry would have died at all if he tried to back out but Dumbledore seemed pretty sure about this when he told Harry he would and that his hands were totally tied.

reignofevil fucked around with this message at 23:31 on Apr 8, 2020

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


So the answer to the question you asked, Wizard parents are reasonably certain that their 17 year old "adult" children will be able to handle the slightly less dangerous tournament. Which was dumb of them because obviously 25% of the participants died that year and that was with the safer rules!


As to their general acceptance of danger, well, wizards are kinda dumb.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Lemniscate Blue posted:

Didn't Snape invent a "cut a motherfucker" spell when he was a kid?

Yes. Also I think Ron's brothers, Fred and George, also invented some spells in their time. So occasionally wizards do invent new spells they just are an incredibly self satisfied bunch and so for the most part they never try to push the limits of their already incredible magical repertoire.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


I've wasted my life

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


It's time we talk about how magical community has basically two punishments available, either they suck out your soul



pictured above


or else you get rubbed on by a magic silver substance that murders you instantly




Trials? What the gently caress is a trial. Wizards don't have those but occasionally they will hold a crucible where anybody can offer up testimony and then you just get arrested on the spot for crimes against the state. Why yes wizards do have the power to grab memories out of people's brains and then watch them like a magic television program that they can hang out inside and walk around like they were present in the room at the time the memory was created. Why do you ask?

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


paragon1 posted:

Harry could've learned about all that but he was too busy whipsawing between intense states of grief, anger, and paranoia.

Honestly, me too!

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


My favorite harry potter book is the fifth one which tends to be people's least favorite because Harry spends all of his time brooding and yelling at people because they are being shits to him but it also contains some of my favorite scenes like the one where Harry discovers cold tea has been left at his doorstep by his dickweed cousin Dudley Dursley and he thinks so little of him and is so used to being put down upon in the relationship that he spends time mulling over whether his cousin is legitimately dumb enough to believe that the cold tea left on the floor in front of Harry's doorway was some kind of trap to cut his foot when he stepped on it. Only later does he realize that after saving his cousin from getting soul-sucked that now Dudley is trying to make a peace offering in his own cowardly way.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


W.T. Fits posted:

That scene was from the seventh book, not the fifth book.

poo poo. Well then. I was actually reaching through my memories to see if it was the fifth or the sixth but actually I was wrong on all counts gently caress.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


"Nobody's talking to Harry"

"But why mom? He killed voldemort three times already"

"Yeah I dunno. They won't tell him."

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Harry Potter and the Corridor of Secretly Embezzling the Set Design Budget.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Sleeveless posted:

How much must it have sucked to be one of the like five British actors who weren't even offered a part in the Harry Potter movies.

Whether you get the part and get paid or you get passed over and you binge on icecream either way you're gonna be putting on the pounds!

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


By page five I'm gonna have finished my Snape X Mcgonagall transfiguration slashfic and we're gonna be on our way to gringotts with the movie rights.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


One sexy new thread title and harry potter thread went from being the mistreated stepchild of the star wars subforum to the newest recipient of the shitpost world cup

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Ron Weasley went through an entire year of school with a busted wand taped back together with the wizard equivalent of duct tape because he was too loving proud to ask his parents or his super wealthy best friend for some spare galleons so that he could not fail out of his second year at hogwarts.



Meanwhile the Ravenclaw kids are pooling their resources into a mutual fund and manipulating the wizard stock market by buying up massive shares in polyjuice potion and death eater futures.

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Hell yeah we can!

reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Asgerd posted:

What exactly happens when a dementor eats your soul? Is it a nonexistence/annihilation type thing, or does your consciousness just float around in the unkillable hellbeast's stomach for all eternity?

Followup: whose loving idea was it to staff the only wizard prison in the world with soul-sucking demons that literally devour joy and happiness? That automatically makes every wizard authority far worse than Voldemort, who prefers a magical painless instakill.

1) Soul-wise, I think you get converted into energy and a non-insignificant proportion of death eater farts. One thing that gets brought up is that when given sufficient leeway to hunt muggles or otherwise vulnerable populations the number of dementors increases so maybe they convert it directly into more dementors, maybe it just gets them all randy under those cloaks.

2) Body-wise, you live on as a vegetable, no conscious thoughts just automatic muscle movements to keep you alive if you aren't being sustained in a wizard prison you probably die.

3) I believe that would be second most popular prime minister of all time, Cornelius Fudge who decided to do this after Voldemort was defeated by blowing himself up on a baby. I could be wrong about this though.

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reignofevil
Nov 7, 2008


Sometimes you gotta break the rules.


Wangarnium Explodiosa

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