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I think we should somehow armor up our spider buddy a little bit. We got some coins, some maybe we can pay a smith for some custom plate. I dunno if we can just do some makeshift wood armor for now. Also, we should ask what the spiders name is (can it talk?)/give it a name. Otherwise just head towards wherever the dude said he heard the rumors of tree wife
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May 10, 2020 06:10
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 06:48 |
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As you leave the island, you ask the spider her name. You try many languages, but she does not appear to be able to vocalize. She instead scratches a word on the wooden deck in Elvish, "Figgy Ate", so you start calling her that. Your ship floats swiftly downstream. Other boats with soldiers packed in them row north past you. They wave since you are flying the flag of Gondor but otherwise ignore you. You see many birds, seagulls and carrion crows, also flying north. As Borlas works the tiller, you light a bowl and pass it around, burning the last of your weed. You pass the harbor and bridge of Osgiliath and many miles of peaceful farmland. After a day, you near South Ithilien again. You spot Faramir riding north with his boom box, and Eowyn waving him goodbye with a kerchief. On the west bank of the river is the port of Pelargir, teeming with boats. >_
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May 10, 2020 08:13
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I noticed that alot of the areas nearby are not mapped in much detail by the huge map in the OP-- for instance, West Gondor, Harondor, Umbar, Harad, and Khand-- so I decided to make some maps. Then I remembered that I can't draw, but I found a few very nice fan-made ones. So if Chad Bradford wants to know anything about those places he'll have to acquire new maps or just ask people for info
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May 12, 2020 20:33
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 The mating habits of Treefolk, particularly the stalwart Ironroot Treefolk, are truly absurd. Molasses comes to mind. It's amazing the species can survive at all given such protracted periods of mate selection, conjugation, and gestation.
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May 12, 2020 21:01
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Hell, lets stop at Pelargir, maybe we can get some more detailed rumors, maybe spend some gold on BATTLE GEAR and weed. Oh, maybe we can get a cool gift for an Entwife when we finally meet them. Don't want this to be like some kind of Saving Private Ryan poo poo where they refuse to come with us after our long journey. Note:I have no idea what women trees like. Fertilizer? A birdhouse? Also, ya'll need to help Chad navigate this adventure I don't know what I'm doing DeadFatDuckFat fucked around with this message at 01:08 on May 13, 2020 |
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May 13, 2020 01:05
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Night is falling. You direct Borlas to dock the ship at Pelargir. After tying up at the pier, you pay a dock boy a coin to watch the boat and ask if there are any weed dealers or armorers in town. He directs your party to the town square where a huge festival is taking place. There is a great bonfire, with music, cavorting, and a general orgy. Every drug imaginable is available for sale. You have 14 coins remaining. Borlas and Figgy find dealers selling the following: Cask of Weed for 2 coins; bundle of a suit of armor and two swords for 6 coins; shrooms for 3 coins; kingsfoil for 2 coins; lick-able toads for 1 coin; bundle of crossbow bolts for 4 coins Inventory: pipe, a few branches, crossbow, 9 bolts, 14 coins, ship >_
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May 13, 2020 03:20
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May 16, 2020 04:13
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as you roam around Pelargir with Borlas and Figgy, a heron lands on your shoulder with a parchment in its beak. It gives you the message and flies away. To Chad Bradford, Ent Easterlings gathering on east bank. They are building rafts. Men are in good spirits. Rimguard gave them the rest of his weed. There is a constant storm over the island. I think Alatar is doing that. Many lightening strikes. We look to be outnumbered 10 to 1. Sent birds to find the eagles. Reinforcements from Osgiliath not here yet. gently caress You Very Much, Rad t. B.
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May 20, 2020 04:29
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>Laugh at Rad's joke >Crumple message and discard >Continue hunting nookie
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May 20, 2020 04:55
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>Armour up spider friend 
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May 20, 2020 09:18
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Full plate tree armour or gtfo
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May 20, 2020 09:21
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You crumple up the parchment and shove it in your pipe for tinder, though you have nothing to smoke. You spend 6 coins to buy the bundle of armor and two swords. The breastplate, helmet, and one sword you give to Figgy the spider, the greaves and other sword you keep for yourself. The party continues to rage in the town square. Inventory: pipe, a few branches, crossbow, 9 bolts, 8 coins, greaves, sword, ship You can go any direction. >_
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May 20, 2020 19:05
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>Look for cheap mercenary >Even Cheaper >Hire Johnny 5-Coins to aid Rad
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May 20, 2020 23:48
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Wait, what happened to our mithril knuckles? Did we lose them or something? Did we just forget them somewhere because we're smokin out too much
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May 21, 2020 02:25
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DeadFatDuckFat posted:Wait, what happened to our mithril knuckles? Did we lose them or something? Did we just forget them somewhere because we're smokin out too much I uh, totally forgot about that. Yes you still have those oops
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May 21, 2020 03:10
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>ASk around for entwife rumours
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May 21, 2020 09:21
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You wander around the town square and send Borlas and Figgy to other neighborhoods to ask about the Entwives. All the townspeople are drunk or high. You start shouting whether anyone has seen any Entwives, over the din. One old crone sloshes beer on her face and says the crazy trees are out by the Stone of Erech, then passes out. A young man says that a friend of his second cousin heard from a guy that there are walking trees in Harondor. Another woman says she saw a ship sailing down the river with a talking tree on it; you divine that that was actually you. Some old men say that Fangorn Forest has talking trees. You deem that to also not be helpful. Figgy returns with some shrooms, having sold her helmet for them, and is clearly hosed up. Borlas returns with a dwarf mercenary captain who introduces himself as Johnny Five Coins. He claims his dudes in the Iron Hills had heard about Entwives in Rhun, but that it was probably a legend. >_
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May 21, 2020 19:19
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>Pay Johnny: 5 Coins >Explain mission (if that tinder in our pipe is still legible show it to him, otherwise use short-term memory)
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May 21, 2020 19:35
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>eat shrooms >moan plaintively >vision quest?
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May 21, 2020 20:21
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The night continues. Figgy gives all the rest of the shrooms to you, Borlas, and Johnny Five Coins. -------------- You wake up around noon with a terrible headache. You double over and barf 500 gallons of unidentifiable spew into the cobblestone street. Children begin making paper boats to float down the puke. The sky whirls above you. Figgy appears and says "stand up rear end in a top hat, you owe me money." "Holy gently caress," you say, "you can talk!?" "I could always talk you stupid bitch, I just didn't want to talk to you." Figgy begins to ascend into the air and claw at the clouds. Borlas shows up, not wearing any pants. He starts waving his sword at you. "Give my antlers back rear end in a top hat!" he shouts. "I killed that stag fair. That rack is MINE!" "I don't have a rack," you say. Borlas keeps swinging his sword as you hold your hand on his head to keep him at bay. "Yes you do, you stole it!" "What in the gently caress are you talking about?" you ask. "You nailed the antlers to your head last night you loving LUNATIC!!" You check your head and find that you do indeed have a pair of antlers nailed to your head. After some inquiry it seems Borlas borrowed your bow and a bolt and shot a prize stag. ---------- You ask Johnny Five Coins to go to Cair Andros and help Rad. You present him with 5 coins. Once he is finished laughing, he informs you that he has a company of 1,000 men, dwarves, elves and hobbits, and will require at least 10,000 coins to take on such a mission. Inventory: Inventory: pipe, a few branches, mithril knuckles, crossbow, 8 bolts, 8 coins, greaves, sword, ship You can haggle, Do something else, and/or go any direction >_
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May 22, 2020 06:26
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I call false advertising!!! Two can play at that game. >These 5 Coins are magic! >Explain 5 coins on edge of cliff >Cranky brown wizard will tell you more
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May 22, 2020 14:52
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>call bullshit on his company, there's no way a dude called "Johnny Five Coins" would have 1,000 of anything behind him.
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May 22, 2020 15:52
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Your head is starting to clear. You pick up Johnny, who protests but can't escape. You demand to see his company. He acquiesces after a bit and directs you to a farm field outside of town, with Borlas and Figgy following. There is a large number of tents haphazardly scattered about, with many creatures sprawled on the ground or making GBS threads into latrine trenches. You estimate there are about 500 soldiers, about half of whom can even move. You offer Johnny 400 coins on credit for their service. He counters with a demand of 1,000. "By the way," you say, "did I mention you'd be working for a wizard? He might have one of those lost dwarf rings. They need gold to breed gold." Johnny ponders this and haggles down to 200 coins on credit, but only if he can use your ship. Inventory: pipe, a few branches, mithril knuckles, crossbow, 8 bolts, 8 coins, greaves, sword, ship >_
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May 22, 2020 21:30
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Careful now, he seems like a dude that might just run off with our ship. If we do give it to him, we need some kind of collateral to make sure hes actually going to go fight.
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May 22, 2020 21:47
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DeadFatDuckFat posted:Careful now, he seems like a dude that might just run off with our ship. If we do give it to him, we need some kind of collateral to make sure hes actually going to go fight. If we give Borlas the crossbow and send him back with these troops that's almost like a reasonable Tolkienian response to Rad's letter. And we don't need to shoot crossbow bolts, we can just throw boulders, they work great.
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May 22, 2020 23:19
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You agree to Johnny's terms and shake on it, promising to pay 200 if he returns, assuming he survives the battle. You take Borlas aside and, giving him your crossbow and bolts to augment the armor and sword he already has, tell him: "If this dwarf dude tries to gently caress us, kill him. If he dies in battle, take command of the company." Borlas nods. You and Figgy watch as the mercenaries and Borlas board the ship and begin to row upriver, finally vanishing over the horizon, under a black stormcloud occasionally illuminated by flashes of lightning. Inventory: pipe, a few branches, mithril knuckles, 8 coins, greaves, sword You can go any direction. >_
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May 23, 2020 07:14
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Go up
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May 23, 2020 07:27
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So we're just a spider and an ent now? Do you think we could just lie on our back in the river and she spins webs for sails and we don't need a boat anymore?
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May 23, 2020 19:32
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BoldFrankensteinMir posted:So we're just a spider and an ent now? Do you think we could just lie on our back in the river and she spins webs for sails and we don't need a boat anymore? i like this. go with the flow, let the river in. we have no clue where the ladies are so why not drift a while and see if we come together
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May 23, 2020 20:17
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>Spider weave bindle >Inventory in waterproof bindle >Raftin' time
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May 23, 2020 20:26
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owlhawk911 posted:i like this. go with the flow, let the river in. we have no clue where the ladies are so why not drift a while and see if we come together Outrail posted:Go up You jump straight up into the air for thirty feet and crash back down, cracking the stones of the street. The townsfolk are terrified, and you decide to beat a retreat. You and Figgy go to the harbor, where you lay down in the river. You give the last of your branches to her to make a mast and sail fastened to your antlers with her webbing. The two of you sail downstream as the river continues to widen, passing many villages on the shore, nearing the island delta at the Mouths of Anduin. Inventory: pipe, antlers, mithril knuckles, 8 coins, greaves, sword You can go any direction except upstream, unless the wind changes. 
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May 24, 2020 22:08
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Well, Borlas said the trees are south, that one villager said Harondor which I guess is south, so lets sail along the coast and stop at towns to see if we can get more info. Next stop Methir?
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May 24, 2020 22:17
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I deleted most of the maps while drunk not remembering that would erase them from this thread. oops. here is the link to the big one again https://www.bl.uk/collection-items/map-of-the-middle-earth
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May 25, 2020 23:32
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"Meth"ir eh  sail to there, it probably has some amazing shrooms at least.
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May 26, 2020 17:54
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Figgy guides the sail to direct you down the coast into the ocean, ramming your head into the docks of the harbor town of Methir, where the two of you go ashore. The townsfolk are terrified of you and hide in their homes, but one old man shakes his cane at you and says "Why did it take so long?" You ask what this means. He says "You swore we'd be together forever! I've waited all this time!" You give the old man a coin, assuming he is demented. A Harad woman approaches and offers you a cask of weed for 4 coins, and shrooms for 5. The heron returns and delivers a note to you: to Chad whatever poo poo is hosed the eagles showed up but they are with Alatar, he is riding Gwahair or what the gently caress his name is doesnt matter. Bergil went out to try to shoot him down but Alatar melted his brain with lightning. the Easterlings landed many rafts though I sunk a few with a wave spell. lots of fighting on the shore. some dwarf showed up and said you had sent him. most of his dudes are drunk and hosed up. I guess i am in command now. Borlas is really angry i have had to keep him from challenging wizard. we are falling back to the southern fortress and ansffdsssdgggkl the writing ends with scribbles. The heron flies away. To the east, a caravan of camels and oliphants marches south. Inventory: pipe, antlers, mithril knuckles, 7 coins, greaves, sword You can go any direction. <_
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May 27, 2020 03:25
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Reply to the message with a drawing of dickbutt.
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May 27, 2020 03:30
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offer 7 coins for all the drugs. ask if she wants to move product or not
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May 27, 2020 09:34
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You draw a picture of dickbutt, then grab a seagull and tell it to take it to Radagast. The bird complies. You ask the old drug dealer woman if she'll take 7 coins for all she has, while digging your feet into the ground and cracking the street. She quietly hands over her wares, and you pay her. Inventory: pipe, weed, shrooms, antlers, mithril knuckles, greaves, sword You can go any direction >_
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May 27, 2020 21:19
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is the old man still around? we could trip with him and see what's up. sounds like he's dtf if nothing else
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May 27, 2020 22:45
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| # ? Apr 19, 2024 06:48 |
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You squint at the old man as evening falls. He claims his name is Whiskers. You, Figgy, and Whiskers make a bonfire outside of town, and eat some shrooms. The moon begins to do some odd things and you dance around the fire stomping about and disturbing all the birds. A giant toad with a cane is loving Figgy in the rear end, and you observe this with academic interest. The toad's head transforms into that of a large cat. Due to some vague memory, you decide to question the toad about the Entwives. "Thirty years gone a tree said she'd marry me," the toad cat says, "but she ain't never come back." "Where did she go?" you ask. The toad cat thrashes his cane around to the south, then the east, then hurls it toward the beach to the west. He falls on the ground, wailing, while Figgy tries to console him. The stars whirl above you. Inventory: pipe, weed, shrooms, antlers, mithril knuckles, greaves, sword You can go any direction, sort of. ?_
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May 29, 2020 05:36
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