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Tulip
Jun 3, 2008

I have no country to fight for; my country is the earth; I am a citizen of the world.

Disco Pope posted:

Nothing in Star Wars has ever been improved buy explaining it, and the the setting actually shrinks the more attempts are made at expanding it.

Every Star Wars movie is made worse by every other Star Wars movie and would be better stand alone, except really ESB which is better off thanks to ANH.

If this makes prequels more incoherent and fever dreamish: good.

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DurosKlav
Jun 13, 2003

Enter your name pilot!


The Jedi probably arent as different from the Sith as they like to think, the Jedi mind trick is a bad guy kind of power not a good guy power. Messing with peoples minds and forcing them to do things against their will is evil!

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 8 days!


Ramrod XTreme

Ferrule posted:

Opinion: Jar Jar was Essential

Reason: He's a loving dipshit. We know that. He got kicked out of his secret clan. When Qui_Gon and Ewan McGregor land on Naboo they need to warn the queen and all that about the impending invasion, an invasion that administration is unequipped to fend off. But Jar Jar mentions in his goofy patois that he knows where theres a big secret army. The only reason Naboo was able to fight back against the Trade Federales is because the Jedi convinced the Gungans that they and the Naboo-ese are in a symbiotic relationship, so Boss Hog/Nass lends his army to help fight the droids.

It's stupid and convoluted and has a lot of blubbering and tongue jokes but basically if Jar Jar never called the Boss Fish's wife a name he wouldn't have been ostracized and thus the the Jedi and Jane Foster never would have known about an army let alone utilized it to help protect their water city.

Also, since Palpatine's failed on Naboo, he then plays on Jar Jar's kindergarten intellect to convince him to call for a vote of no confidence in Chancellor Vellum (because okay for some dumb reason everyone thought Jar Jar would be a good senator and would act accordingly in the queens stead while she was off fighting bugs and 3-eyed cats) which then gives the Republic over to the Empire.

Jar Jar was important and his dumb antics are what got him kicked out of his secret water club thus putting into place both good and bad things.

Star Wars is dumb and I love it.

I'll take a jr bacon double and a large frosty.

Nothing in this says that Jar-Jar wasn't swayed by the dark side to infiltrate and sabotage the gungan army in the first place, and failing in that, insulted the queen to get kicked out, found the Jedi, and manipulated them to fight each other, and upon losing THAT, returned to his master in the Senate to do his bidding once more.

Sodomy Hussein
Oct 9, 2005

Everything is subject to the needs of intelligence, for geniuses like me. If we actually solve problems, people won't need me and people like me, and this is a travesty without end. You have to squeeze the poor so they know their place, and you fucking commies forget that.


Big Beef City posted:

Nothing in this says that Jar-Jar wasn't swayed by the dark side to infiltrate and sabotage the gungan army in the first place, and failing in that, insulted the queen to get kicked out, found the Jedi, and manipulated them to fight each other, and upon losing THAT, returned to his master in the Senate to do his bidding once more.

No no no, Jar-Jar was the Sith master

Schweinhund
Oct 23, 2004



Ferrule posted:

Opinion: Jar Jar was Essential

Reason: He's a loving dipshit. We know that. He got kicked out of his secret clan. When Qui_Gon and Ewan McGregor land on Naboo they need to warn the queen and all that about the impending invasion, an invasion that administration is unequipped to fend off. But Jar Jar mentions in his goofy patois that he knows where theres a big secret army. The only reason Naboo was able to fight back against the Trade Federales is because the Jedi convinced the Gungans that they and the Naboo-ese are in a symbiotic relationship, so Boss Hog/Nass lends his army to help fight the droids.

It's stupid and convoluted and has a lot of blubbering and tongue jokes but basically if Jar Jar never called the Boss Fish's wife a name he wouldn't have been ostracized and thus the the Jedi and Jane Foster never would have known about an army let alone utilized it to help protect their water city.

Also, since Palpatine's failed on Naboo, he then plays on Jar Jar's kindergarten intellect to convince him to call for a vote of no confidence in Chancellor Vellum (because okay for some dumb reason everyone thought Jar Jar would be a good senator and would act accordingly in the queens stead while she was off fighting bugs and 3-eyed cats) which then gives the Republic over to the Empire.

Jar Jar was important and his dumb antics are what got him kicked out of his secret water club thus putting into place both good and bad things.

Star Wars is dumb and I love it.

I'll take a jr bacon double and a large frosty.

Jar Jar is the key to all of this

Big Beef City
Aug 15, 2013
Probation
Can't post for 8 days!


Ramrod XTreme

Sodomy Hussein posted:

No no no, Jar-Jar was the Sith master

"have you heard the tragedy of Darth Jaridious, the Unwise? I suppose not. They don't teach that kind of ...thing. ...Anywhere. ... ...anyway. He said once, 'Mooey mooey. I love you.'".
"Mooey mooey I love you?"
"Mooey. Mooey. I love you."
"But what does it-"
"Shh, my new apprentice. For now, yousa should follow me. Okeeday?"

dialhforhero
Apr 3, 2008


Big Beef City posted:

"have you heard the tragedy of Darth Jaridious, the Unwise? I suppose not. They don't teach that kind of ...thing. ...Anywhere. ... ...anyway. He said once, 'Mooey mooey. I love you.'".
"Mooey mooey I love you?"
"Mooey. Mooey. I love you."
"But what does it-"
"Shh, my new apprentice. For now, yousa should follow me. Okeeday?"

loving cursed af reading tis sick filth

Slowpoke Rodriguez
Jun 20, 2009


Cutting Darth JarJar was the worst decision in the franchise.

indigi
Jul 20, 2004

picture me workin McDonald's!
I'd rather pull a mac on you
sorry Ms. Jackson, but I'm packin


Pillbug

there should of been more dogs in Star Wars

Zoran
Aug 19, 2008

I lost to you once, monster. I shall not lose again! Die now, that our future can live!


Darth Jar Jar is an incredibly dumb idea

Resting Lich Face
Feb 21, 2019


indigi posted:

there should of been more dogs in Star Wars

should have

Slowpoke Rodriguez
Jun 20, 2009


Zoran posted:

Darth Jar Jar is an incredibly dumb idea

Mighty bombad big the force.

Zane
Nov 14, 2007


the prequel trilogy is trash. but if you can get the correct fan cut they're pretty good.

Zane fucked around with this message at 07:00 on May 2, 2020

Resting Lich Face
Feb 21, 2019


Zane posted:

the prequel trilogy is trash. but if you can get the correct fan cut they're pretty good.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


Zane posted:

the prequel trilogy is trash. but if you can get the correct fan cut they're pretty good.

Can I get Marcia Lucas's cut heyooooo

cargohills
Apr 17, 2014



my favourite cut of the prequel trilogy is by a little known fan you might have heard of called "George Lucas and Ben Burtt"

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


cargohills posted:

my favourite cut of the prequel trilogy is by a little known fan you might have heard of called "George Lucas and Ben Burtt"

Where is the Burtt solo cut! Hiding in the Disney Vault?

Konstantin
Jun 20, 2005
And the Lord said, "Look, they are one people, and they have all one language; and this is only the beginning of what they will do; nothing that they propose to do will now be impossible for them.

The Rise of Skywalker sucks, Disney should have hired me to turn my fanfiction into a screenplay and used that. Also, people aren't mentioning the most glaring flaw of RoS, which is the fact that we never see Rey in an outfit similar to Leia's gold bikini. That alone would have upgraded the movie from bad to watchable.

ungulateman
Apr 18, 2012
Hello I am a person doing a thing via buttons. It's amazing what electronic singnals traveling through space can accomplish.

Makes ya think.

Purple m&ms are the best.

Konstantin posted:

The Rise of Skywalker sucks, Disney should have hired me to turn my fanfiction into a screenplay and used that. Also, people aren't mentioning the most glaring flaw of RoS, which is the fact that we never see Poe in an outfit similar to Leia's gold bikini. That alone would have upgraded the movie from bad to watchable.

cuntman.net
Mar 1, 2013



Konstantin posted:

The Rise of Skywalker sucks, Disney should have hired me to turn my fanfiction into a screenplay and used that. Also, people aren't mentioning the most glaring flaw of RoS, which is the fact that we never see sheev in an outfit similar to Leia's gold bikini. That alone would have upgraded the movie from bad to watchable.

dialhforhero
Apr 3, 2008


It makes me angry because that is such an incredibly stupid take and yet true.

Roth
Jul 9, 2016


The part about Poe in the slave Leia outfit, right?

dialhforhero
Apr 3, 2008


Roth posted:

The part about Lando in the slave Leia outfit, right?

Yes

oh but seriously I
Sep 26, 2019

Do you ever wonder if there are other planets out there
(source)

A metal Bikini in a desert is such an obviously terrible idea. And was ANYBODY wearing sunscreen?! Death was too good for Hutt IMO

Barudak
May 7, 2007



oh but seriously I posted:

A metal Bikini in a desert is such an obviously terrible idea. And was ANYBODY wearing sunscreen?! Death was too good for Hutt IMO

I assume the slime he secretes prevents sun damage, or offworld hutts are all gorgeously smooth and Jabba just looks like a handbag that lost a fight

dialhforhero
Apr 3, 2008


All new expanded universe materials (e.g. The Clone Wars, Rebels, The Resistance, Lego bullshit, Solo, Rogue One, Jedi Fallen Order, the Mandalorian, et. al.) are all collectively better than the prequels and sequels and most of these are the only medium and formats that Star Wars belongs in.

nine-gear crow
Aug 10, 2013

red bird

dialhforhero posted:

All new expanded universe materials (e.g. The Clone Wars, Rebels, The Resistance, Lego bullshit, Solo, Rogue One, Jedi Fallen Order, the Mandalorian, et. al.) are all collectively better than the prequels and sequels and most of these are the only medium and formats that Star Wars belongs in.

They also all benefit from the (mostly) hindsight of having the tentpole movies come before them, so their creators could see the pitfalls they tumbled into and how to avoid them the next time around. At least in theory, that sure as poo poo didn't work out for the sequels.

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


George Lucas's movie about the Whills and microscopic life forms would have been badass.

Voting Floater
May 19, 2019



FunkyAl posted:

George Lucas's movie about the Whills and microscopic life forms would have been badass.

I'm willing to believe he articulated the concept badly and his intention wasn't literally Fantastic Voyage with lightsabers. Or maybe it was, and that would at least have been an entertaining mess.

Barudak
May 7, 2007



Given how terrible in every facet the sequel films are, a three film billion dollar remake of the fantastic voyage sounds incredible

egon_beeblebrox
Feb 29, 2008

WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.



Barudak posted:

Given how terrible in every facet the sequel films are, a three film billion dollar remake of the fantastic voyage sounds incredible

A dead eyed CGI Donald Pleasence

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


New empire superweapon: the gravitorb. similar to an atom smashing concept, developed by shrinking down and investigating whills somehow, but the weapon crashes planets within systems into each other by swinging them in its own orbit, creating devastating effects, debris clouds, dust storms, disruptions in weather and so on, on nearby planets in said system. bing bang boom, next!

Linux Pirate
Apr 21, 2012

Well, there goes our grant money.



The Genndy Tartakovsky Clone Wars cartoon was good.

Butternubs
Feb 15, 2012


The force awakens was a cool movie and got me excited for star wars again. The fact that it was basically an updated copy of ANH was a good thing and I wish they had just copied Empire and rotj for episode 8 and 9 because it would have been better than the Rian Johnson sewage that was the Last Jedi and the schizophrenic fever dream that was rise of skywalker.

dialhforhero
Apr 3, 2008


TFA would be 90% better if there wasn’t the stupid monster sequence in the freighter with Han.

I think it would be 100% better if Han was already dead and you see Kylo kill him in a flashback instead as a backstory setup for his evil turn. That way they focus more on Rey and Kylo arcs but I digress.

Because literally kill the past.

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



TLJ mostly ruled and the salt over it is delicious. It's got some major execution flaws, but the script is rock solid and it's a better actual "movie" than every other Star Wars flick save 1977. Luke was perfect. The Rey and Kylo stuff was really well-done. The only absolute mistake it made was doubling-down on putting the audience off-balance with the Holdo plot, and it needed a few more beats to establish Finn's ambivalence of fully embracing the Resistance. I'm willing to bet that if Holdo wasn't there and the plot was more about Poe being a reckless leader the Nazis wouldn't have taken over the discourse.

The Vader sequence in Rogue One ruled on a technical level, but is absolute thematic garbage. It would have been an amazing fan-film. It's terrible as canon. If you liked it because it was official, you are absolutely part of the problem.

Literally no part of any Star Wars film has lived up to the promise of that McQuarrie art where a masked Luke is fighting Vader:

FunkyAl
Mar 28, 2010

Your vitals soar.


mind the walrus posted:

TLJ mostly ruled and the salt over it is delicious. It's got some major execution flaws, but the script is rock solid and it's a better actual "movie" than every other Star Wars flick save 1977. Luke was perfect. The Rey and Kylo stuff was really well-done. The only absolute mistake it made was doubling-down on putting the audience off-balance with the Holdo plot, and it needed a few more beats to establish Finn's ambivalence of fully embracing the Resistance. I'm willing to bet that if Holdo wasn't there and the plot was more about Poe being a reckless leader the Nazis wouldn't have taken over the discourse.

The Vader sequence in Rogue One ruled on a technical level, but is absolute thematic garbage. It would have been an amazing fan-film. It's terrible as canon. If you liked it because it was official, you are absolutely part of the problem.

Literally no part of any Star Wars film has lived up to the promise of that McQuarrie art where a masked Luke is fighting Vader:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgyitSlMtMY

?

mind the walrus
Sep 22, 2006



It's really good, but there's something about Luke in full cowboy mode getting ambushed by Vader that speaks to that serial effect that none of the movies ever really capture, despite constantly shooting for.

Butternubs
Feb 15, 2012


The story in star wars should basically be a vehicle for space battles and lightsabre fights they've never been that cerebral, It's an action movie for kids. Every movie would be better if it was made a la john wick; absolute bare minimum story and 90% ILM special effects, John Williams music and sword fights. That's the problem I have with TLJ. The story's bland and doesn't make sense and it doesn't even pay off. I guess the hyperspace kamikaze was cool but that's about all I remember. 2/10

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El Generico
Feb 3, 2009

All of them... all six billion... soon, I will have purchased all six billion paid mods.

Just declare TLS non-canon and bring Rian Johnson back to do the for real this time third film.

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