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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Cheat sheet!

  • A minority was given a job to distract from recent racism by a company representative.

  • A talk segment ended in a brawl.

  • A short person wore dangerously unsafe lifts to look taller.

  • An unadvertised title match got booked in an interview segment between matches.

  • The company took an opportunity out of nowhere to dunk on Sting for no reason.

  • The only advertised match on the entire card didn't happen.

  • There was a squash match.

  • There's a new video game based on the oft-requested concept of what if wrestlers were all little people?

  • A resolved feud had another match with the same result as the previous resolution.

  • Cosplayers were interviewed backstage.

  • To punish a minority who had racist comments said about him recently, the company had another minority beat him up.

  • The unadvertised title match went a long time and was really good and then got thrown out by a ref stoppage.

  • The commentators did a piece to camera assuring "our friends in Saudi Arabia" that they would be back as soon as possible, and archive footage was shown of happy Saudi fans at live events.
  • Click
  • WWE wrote a segment where wrestlers mocked wrestlers who did a segment the previous week... that WWE also wrote.

  • An established tag team struggled mightily to defeat a team of jobbers. Afterwards they were threatened by another team of jobbers.

  • A black man wept inconsolably.

  • An unapologetic racist got into the ring and was asked to leave.

  • The WWE Champion stole Chuck Taylor's gimmick.

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at 06:39 on Apr 28, 2020

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Waffleopolis
Apr 24, 2005

Now....face the fury of the Phoenix Force!

Through the entirety of Raw, Vince McMahon, now in full-on 'gently caress it' mode, wandered around ringside and in the empty seats doing whatever he wanted. At times he was eating a sandwich and when one of the wrestlers got thrown out of the ring he would offer them a bit of his sandwich (non took the offer). Another incident involved him bringing out a laptop, and watching Orange Is The New Black at maximum volume. This is the reason why the audio is so messed up at times because the massive editing they had to do to avoid copyright. Near the end, you can see HHH asking Vince if he was okay and you could hear him scream "HEY PAUL YOU KNOW WHAT FOOTBALL IS?! HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF FOOTBALL! I REMEMBER FOOTBALL! I WAS GOING TO BRING FOOTBALL BACK, BUT THEN I DIDN'T!" HHH Tried to suggest investing in esports, but the moment "esports" have out of his mouth, Vince let out a primal scream that lasted to the ending or Raw and some of La Femme Nikita.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Which of these events happened and which are made up:

- Vince McMahon hired a Barack Obama impersonator so he could make him do a shuck and jive.
- Vince booked himself in a match against God.
- Vince paid a man money to put on a Vince McMahon mask and then make out with his daughter Stephanie.
- Vince fined and punished a wrestler for touching him.
- Vince had to have it explained to him that white people can be attracted to another ethnicity.
- Vince did a regular segment on television where he'd pull his pants down and make employees kiss his rear end.
- Vince wanted one of his wrestlers to have a blue dot superimposed over his face because he didn't like the way he looks.
- Vince had to spend several weeks off television after suppressing a sneeze so hard it ruptured a blood vessel in his eye.
- Vince thinks the Stone Cold Steve Austin character is based on him.
- Vince tore both his quads coming to the ring but insisted on sticking around to cut a promo anyway.
- Vince made one of his female employees make out with him in public.
- Vince did a print interview where he explained he was no longer unfaithful to his wife so she had to be ready for him to gently caress her brains out when he came home from the road.
- Vince once showed up at a film studio demanding a cut of the profits from a film with Dwayne Johnson in it because he's the one who made Dwayne Johnson famous in the first place.

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011



THIS one is the trick question.

my guess is ruptured blood vessel??? I think I can place the rest of the stories.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


You are correct!

Waffleopolis
Apr 24, 2005

Now....face the fury of the Phoenix Force!

When the gently caress was the blue dot one?!

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008



Waffleopolis posted:

When the gently caress was the blue dot one?!

He thought Christian was ugly and wanted to censor his face in real time

Vagabundo
Mar 20, 2007

Donncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Donncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?


What's the movie studio one about?



Also, Jerusalem's description left out the best part about his match with "God." It was a tag team match, and Vince won and got the pin.

KungFu Grip
Jun 18, 2008



Vince wanted & got royalties from Scorpion King i guess

ChrisBTY
Mar 29, 2012

this glorious monument



Jerry Lawler was hitting on Alexia Bliss backstage. When confronted by a returning Josh Matthews about it Lawler said "Yes I'm hitting on hot 20 somethings. What do you want me to do, bang 70 year olds? Have you seen 70 year old women? They're loving gross. Now if the SJW in the room will excuse me I'm trying to get my dick drenched"

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


I believe he actually showed up to some other movie studio for some non-WWE associated film demanding money and they laughed and told him to gently caress off when they realized he was serious.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Which of these was NOT an Undertaker opponent at Wrestlemania?

- an elderly boy
- the world's oldest rookie
- a drug addict
- a billionaire
- Gorgo
- a literal murderer
- a softball enthusiast
- a hockey enthusiast
- K-Mart Michael Myers
- a bounty hunter
- a crooked cop turned mercenary
- a failson
- somebody who was never potty trained
- a guy with a bone to pick with "Daddy" R.A. Moore
- The Man
- The Invisible Man
- The Swamp Man
- The Man of 1000 Holds
- The Man of 1001 Holds
- a man with an admirable money:effort ratio
- a man with an even more admirable money:effort ratio
- a big dog
- a giant
- a train
- somebody who gave an old lady a hand
- a big Hollywood movie star
- somebody who doesn't know Bono
- a very tall man

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008



a very tall man

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Cavauro posted:

a very tall man


Undertaker vs. A Very Tall Man at Wrestlemania 9.

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008



that's not a man. that's gonzales the giant. look at all the inhuman hair placement

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

Excuse me, I'd like to
speak to the moderator




Jerusalem posted:

- The Man of 1001 Holds

We never had Taker/Jericho at Mania

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Correct! But is that all of the lies?

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008



jericho is the man of 1,004 holds. the whole list is a lie. none of them happened and many of them are impossible. I'm freaking out

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


At least 3 of them were armbars, Cavauro. I had no choice but to drop him to 1001.

Wazzu
Feb 28, 2008

Are you sure I'm winning the Rumble? That does'nt seem right.....

Jerusalem posted:

Which of these events happened and which are made up:

- Vince McMahon hired a Barack Obama impersonator so he could make him do a shuck and jive.
- Vince booked himself in a match against God.
- Vince paid a man money to put on a Vince McMahon mask and then make out with his daughter Stephanie.
- Vince fined and punished a wrestler for touching him.
- Vince had to have it explained to him that white people can be attracted to another ethnicity.
- Vince did a regular segment on television where he'd pull his pants down and make employees kiss his rear end.
- Vince wanted one of his wrestlers to have a blue dot superimposed over his face because he didn't like the way he looks.
- Vince had to spend several weeks off television after suppressing a sneeze so hard it ruptured a blood vessel in his eye.
- Vince thinks the Stone Cold Steve Austin character is based on him.
- Vince tore both his quads coming to the ring but insisted on sticking around to cut a promo anyway.
- Vince made one of his female employees make out with him in public.
- Vince did a print interview where he explained he was no longer unfaithful to his wife so she had to be ready for him to gently caress her brains out when he came home from the road.
- Vince once showed up at a film studio demanding a cut of the profits from a film with Dwayne Johnson in it because he's the one who made Dwayne Johnson famous in the first place.

- Vince did a print interview where he explained he was no longer unfaithful to his wife so she had to be ready for him to gently caress her brains out when he came home from the road.

When was this?

Jerusalem posted:

Which of these was NOT an Undertaker opponent at Wrestlemania?

- an elderly boy
HBK 'the sexy boy'
- the world's oldest rookie
AJ Styles
- a drug addict
Jake Roberts
- a billionaire
NOT AN OPPONENT
- Gorgo
King Kong Bundy
- a literal murderer
Jimmy Snuka
- a softball enthusiast
Sycho Sid
- a hockey enthusiast
CM Punk
- K-Mart Michael Myers
Kane
- a bounty hunter
NOT AN OPPONENT
- a crooked cop turned mercenary
Big Boss Man
- a failson
Shane McMahon
- somebody who was never potty trained
NOT AN OPPONENT
- a guy with a bone to pick with "Daddy" R.A. Moore
NOT AN OPPONENT (possibly this is Randy Orton?)
- The Man
Ric Flair
- The Invisible Man
John Cena
- The Swamp Man
Bray Wyatt
- The Man of 1000 Holds
NOT AN OPPONENT
- The Man of 1001 Holds
NOT AN OPPONENT
- a man with an admirable money:effort ratio
Diesel (Kevin Nash)
- a man with an even more admirable money:effort ratio
Brock Lesnar
- a large dog
Roman Reigns
- a giant
The Big Show
- a train
A-Train
- somebody who gave an old lady a hand
Mark Henry
- a big Hollywood movie star
Batista
- somebody who doesn't know Bono
Edge (not to be confused with The Edge
- a very tall man
Giant Gonzales

Not sure how either Triple H Randy Orton. I'm sure I've made some errors!

extradite THIS!
Mar 8, 2010






I think Randy might be the one who wasn’t potty trained? He shat in someone’s bag

extradite THIS!
Mar 8, 2010






Also I want to say Spot Some Bullshit J-Ru Made Up is a very fun game

extradite THIS! fucked around with this message at 08:16 on Apr 29, 2020

Quantum of Phallus
Dec 27, 2010




extradite THIS! posted:

Also I want to say Spot Some Bullshit J-Ru Made Up is a very fun game

It's so good!

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


I can't remember where the interview with Vince about loving Linda happened, but it definitely happened because I remember reading it when it came out and being extremely, extremely confused as to why he would volunteer information like this.

extradite THIS! posted:

I think Randy might be the one who wasn’t potty trained? He shat in someone’s bag

Yes, Randy Orton is the non-potty trained opponent. Also a guy with a bone to pick with "Daddy" R.A. Moore was a real opponent who Undertaker definitely faced at Wrestlemania but wasn't Randy Orton, otherwise Wazzu is spot on.

extradite THIS! posted:

Also I want to say Spot Some Bullshit J-Ru Made Up is a very fun game

Thanks, it's a lot of fun reminding myself of the utter batshit insanity that often happens in WWE.

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at 09:34 on Apr 29, 2020

Wazzu
Feb 28, 2008

Are you sure I'm winning the Rumble? That does'nt seem right.....

I wish to try a similar one: who has John Cena beaten for a world title?* (I would have done with Ric Flair if literally anyone agreed on how to calculate his mythical 16 title wins)

a bearded weirdo
a crustean headed man
a real American
a real human being
a real hero
a witch
a dishonorably discharged former soldier
an egalitarian
a lizard person
a unicorn
a sea monster
a lister
a mysterious king
a presidential parody
a big deal, fairly quickly
a great one
an agoraphobiac
an agoraphiliac
a redneck
a drug addict
a self-righteous, honest goat
an NCAA champion

*excluding the one title he won from vacant

Half are real, half are fake

Junpei Hyde
Mar 15, 2013


Never believe in lies





Undertaker didn't fight the mam of 1000 holds either, he never fought malenko

Venomous
Nov 7, 2011






Wazzu posted:

I wish to try a similar one: who has John Cena beaten for a world title?* (I would have done with Ric Flair if literally anyone agreed on how to calculate his mythical 16 title wins)

a bearded weirdo
-AJ Styles
a crustean headed man
-Sheamus
a real American
-nope, never beat Hogan
a real human being
-false
a real hero
-noooope
a witch
-Kane?
a dishonorably discharged former soldier
-Orton
an egalitarian
-no?
a lizard person
-Triple H?
a unicorn
-he beat Kofi in that Elimination Chamber match, didn't he? Didn't win the title off him tho
a sea monster
-Batista
a lister
-The Miz
a mysterious king
-Rey Mysterio
a presidential parody
-Alberto Del Rio?
a big deal, fairly quickly
-JBL?
a great one
-The Rock
an agoraphobiac
-don't think so
an agoraphiliac
-Batista?
a redneck
-this is AJ again
a drug addict
-Edge
a self-righteous, honest goat
-never beat Bryan
an NCAA champion
-never beat Brock

*excluding the one title he won from vacant

Half are real, half are fake

idk if this is it but w/e

Venomous fucked around with this message at 14:19 on Apr 29, 2020

TV Zombie
Sep 6, 2011

MAMAMOO STAN





Dinosaur Gum

Jerusalem posted:

I believe he actually showed up to some other movie studio for some non-WWE associated film demanding money and they laughed and told him to gently caress off when they realized he was serious.

What would even be the logic behind that? Did the movie have wrestling and as a result,Vince thought he deserved a cut?

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

Excuse me, I'd like to
speak to the moderator




Venomous posted:

idk if this is it but w/e

The presidential parody is clearly Jibble

Gumball Gumption
Jan 7, 2012

GET BACK UP

TV Zombie posted:

What would even be the logic behind that? Did the movie have wrestling and as a result,Vince thought he deserved a cut?

I assume the logic is just flat out "you miss all the shots you don't take". Worse that happens is they tell him to gently caress off but hey, maybe they'll give him some cash.

ChrisBTY
Mar 29, 2012

this glorious monument



Wrestling promoters think they own every part of their talents' career. Verne Gagne was lovely about this too. Tried to get Flair to sign off 10% of his earnings for a decade when he left Minnesota. Did it with the Iron Sheik (and probably a lot of other guys too). Flair gave him a small lump sum in gratitude for giving him his start. Sheik told him to go gently caress himself.

sticklefifer
Nov 11, 2003

TOO EASY

sticklefifer posted:

-After this segment, it became quickly apparent that WWE is doubling down on its renaming of people to a singular name, as a tag team match took place between Bobby & Bobby vs Drew & Drew. One of the Drews is McIntyre and one is Gulak, and the Bobbys are Roode & Lashley. Nobody backstage seems to know why they didn't go with their last names instead.

WWE took this one step further in a Legends celebration this week, celebrating the accolades of Hall of Famers such as Hulk, Randy, Ric, Roddy, and Curt. Attitude Era mainstays such as Steve and Mick were on hand, as well as wrestler turned top grossing Hollywood film actor The.

Wazzu
Feb 28, 2008

Are you sure I'm winning the Rumble? That does'nt seem right.....

Venomous posted:

idk if this is it but w/e

Pretty close. I'll give full answers in a few hours if anyone else wants to try.

Venomous
Nov 7, 2011






Rarity posted:

The presidential parody is clearly Jibble

oh, I thought ADR had a Mexican president gimmick at some point. My mistake, I've never paid attention to the fucker

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


TV Zombie posted:

What would even be the logic behind that?

I believe the logic was,"I'M VINCE MCMAHON, DAMMIT!"

Wazzu
Feb 28, 2008

Are you sure I'm winning the Rumble? That does'nt seem right.....

Wazzu posted:

I wish to try a similar one: who has John Cena beaten for a world title?* (I would have done with Ric Flair if literally anyone agreed on how to calculate his mythical 16 title wins)

*excluding the one title he won from vacant

Half are real, half are fake

My design was as follows:

a bearded weirdo -Could be applied to AJ, but designed to be a fakeout of Daniel Bryan, I'll give points for it
a crustean headed man - Sheamus
a real American - fake
a real human being - fake
a real hero - fake
a witch - fake
a dishonorably discharged former soldier - Randy Orton
an egalitarian - fake
a lizard person - fake
a unicorn - fake
a sea monster - Batista
a lister - Miz
a mysterious king - Rey Mysterio
a presidential parody - JBL (he even had a Cabinet when John Cena beat him)
a big deal, fairly quickly - Alberto Del Rio (his first profile online was this placeholder text)
a great one - The Rock
an agoraphobiac - fake
an agoraphiliac - Edge (in reference to his live sex celebration shortly before he lost the title back to Cena)
a redneck - AJ
a drug addict - fake
a self-righteous, honest goat - the GOAT Jericho, from his gimmick of being a suit wearing honest rear end in a top hat (second Daniel Bryan fakeout)
an NCAA champion - fake

Thank you very much for playing, Venomous and Rarity

Gumball Gumption posted:

I assume the logic is just flat out "you miss all the shots you don't take". Worse that happens is they tell him to gently caress off but hey, maybe they'll give him some cash.

Plus it's probably an attempt to hamstring Rock's career- if you hire him, you have to deal with crazy Vince McMahon. No one can ever profit off anything he's done! He owns Dwayne Johnson, dammit!

Wazzu fucked around with this message at 03:15 on Apr 30, 2020

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Wazzu posted:

a lizard person - fake

gently caress, I forgot that Cena didn't win one of his titles from Vince McMahon or I would have gotten this one

Wazzu
Feb 28, 2008

Are you sure I'm winning the Rumble? That does'nt seem right.....

Jerusalem posted:

gently caress, I forgot that Cena didn't win one of his titles from Vince McMahon or I would have gotten this one

It's a surprisingly short list, he kept beating the same people. Should have included a plausible deniability white supremacist to fake out Triple H

And it's fun to make fake results, so many unbelievable things. Please keep up the WWE results!

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008



  • Isaiah "Swerve" Scott defeated El Hijo del Fantasma in the Cruiserweight tournament.
  • Masked men again attempted to kidnap Fantasma in the parking lot and he fought them off.
  • Candice LeRae defeated Kacy Catanzaro in a singles match. She attacked Catanzaro post-match.
  • Byron Saxton hosted the "Newly-Bros Game" between Matt Riddle and Timothy Thatcher. Fabian Aichner & Marcel Barthel jumped Riddle and Thatcher to end the segment.
  • Adam Cole cut a promo about his title match with Velveteen Dream.
  • Charlotte Flair defeated Mia Yim by submission in a singles match.
  • Io Sharai confronted Flair post-match.
  • Dexter Lumis defeated Shane Thorne by submission.
  • Drake Maverick defeated Tony Nese in the Cruiserweight Tournament. Drake is still fired in real life.
  • Keith Lee (C) defeated Damian Priest to retain the NXT North American Championship.

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Max Coveri
Dec 23, 2015





This kind of game is pretty fun, we need more of these.

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