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Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Cavauro posted:

  • Isaiah "Swerve" Scott defeated El Hijo del Fantasma in the Cruiserweight tournament.
  • Dexter Lumis defeated Shane Thorne by submission.

You almost tricked me with the results but little word to the wise, trying to sneak in that a new signing would be booked 50/50 within two weeks of debut, or that a guy literally just introduced on Raw as a dangerous new threat to the tag division would get squashed in a singles match on the developmental brand 2 days later...? You gotta make it at least semi-believable, Cavauro!

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just rust
Oct 23, 2012




Yeah there's no way they had a masked luchador named El Hijo del Fantasma wrestle on WWE TV.

Vince would burst a blood vessel if he knew what "Hijo" meant.

Xerzes
May 16, 2012




I call fake on Charlotte having a match on NXT.

Prokhor Zakharov
Dec 31, 2008
Good luck with your depression!


  • HHH came out to his old Evolution theme and cut a promo on the ramp saying that "evolution is indeed a mystery" and revealing that he himself had recently evolved the ability to pull himself along in shallow tidal areas to exploit otherwise unused nutritional niches. He continued saying it was hard but he's a man who "does the impossible" and closed saying that he hoped that millions of years from now his descendants would conquer all terrestrial habitats.
  • Squash match between Braun Strowman and recent NXT callup Jesse Jacobferson. Strowman dominated throughout but won with a schoolboy roll up which confused the crowd.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


THE MANY TELEVISED CRIMES OF STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!
Stone Cold Steve Austin wasn't adverse to breaking a law or 50 when it came time to stomping a mudhole and walking it dry, but which of these are actual televised crimes he committed and which are just plain outright lies?

- Practiced medicine without a license
- Driving under the influence
- Vehicular Assault
- Bicycle theft
- Hostage taking
- Performing in blackface
- Beating up a woman (on television, we already know it's true he did it in real life)
- Public urination
- Car vandalism
- Cockfighting
- Brawling in a public space
- Property damage
- Waterway littering
- Sharking/debagging
- Threatening with a firearm
- Crashing a family reunion
- Vandalization of a Church
- Attempted murder

Bonus points if you can provide video evidence of the truth! Bonus bonus points if you pick the exact video I was thinking of. You can use these points to buy yourself a warm sense of accomplishment

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011



I know my gimmick in these is that I say "ok, THIS time it's a trick question" but aside from these two.

Jerusalem posted:

- Performing in blackface
- Sharking/debagging

I'm pretty sure those are all accurate crimes committed by Steve Austin, the latter I just don't know what it is (google tells me it's the removal of pants as joke???) so it might be something I just didn't realize Steve Austin did. The former I feel would be more a Steve Austin talking point, like how Triple H and DX have performed in blackface.

Vagabundo
Mar 20, 2007

Donncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Donncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?


- Practiced medicine without a license
When he attacked Vince in the hospital in 98

- Vehicular Assault
Survivor Series 2000?

- Hostage taking
- Attempted murder
- Threatening with a firearm
Pretty sure this is all from the same episode, when he took McMahon hostage after he got storyline fired, in October 1998. The Bang 3:16 one.


- Performing in blackface
I hope this one isn't true.


- Beating up a woman (on television, we already know it's true he did it in real life)
I believe he's stunnered Stacy Keibler, Linda McMahon and at least one of Mae Young or Moolah on TV.


- Public urination
In 05 I think when he was "Raw Sheriff," he jumped and "pissed" on Arn Anderson. Poor Arn.

- Car vandalism
Is this when he poured concrete into Vince's limo? I think he also destroyed one of Rock's car's with a monster truck in 1999, around Mania or Backlash that year. Or when he blew up the DX Express.

- Cockfighting
Dunno about this one.

- Brawling in a public space
When Rock chucked him off a bridge?

- Property damage
Quite a few examples. Didn't he leave a massive pile of poo poo in Vince's office when he was CEO?

- Waterway littering
Hey now, the IC title still meant something then. Or is it Angle's fake medals?

- Sharking/debagging
I'm pretty sure this would have involved Vince.

- Crashing a family reunion
Probably attacked Undertaker and Kane at the same time in 1998. Were Shane and Vince in the ring when the beer bath happened?

- Vandalization of a Church
Is this when he interrupted Undertaker's attempt at forcibly marrying Steph?

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

Excuse me, I'd like to
speak to the moderator




Vagabundo posted:

- Brawling in a public space
When Rock chucked him off a bridge?

It's the Booker T supermarket brawl

Wazzu
Feb 28, 2008

Are you sure I'm winning the Rumble? That does'nt seem right.....

Jerusalem posted:

THE MANY TELEVISED CRIMES OF STONE COLD STEVE AUSTIN!
Stone Cold Steve Austin wasn't adverse to breaking a law or 50 when it came time to stomping a mudhole and walking it dry, but which of these are actual televised crimes he committed and which are just plain outright lies?

- Practiced medicine without a license
His famous hospital assault I'm assuming he got into costume and did the assault, there wasn't a time he ran a medical practice, was there? Or they didn't give back story that he'd been at the hospital all day?
- Driving under the influence
Constantly
- Vehicular Assault
Hitting.... Rock with his car?
- Bicycle theft
Not that I recall
- Hostage taking
Probably. Against Bret maybe?
- Performing in blackface
No?
- Beating up a woman (on television, we already know it's true he did it in real life)
- Public urination
I'm hoping not?
- Car vandalism
Let's assume he hosed up McMahon car at some point, that sounds about right
- Cockfighting
I loving hope not, the 90s weren't that long ago
- Brawling in a public space
Constantly
- Property damage
Constantly. I assume he hosed up an office or two
- Waterway littering
Title in the river
- Sharking/debagging
I assume so
- Threatening with a firearm
McMahon in the ring pissing himself
- Crashing a family reunion
The worst of crimes
- Attempted murder
Triple H and the car smashing?


Not full, but whatever

Vagabundo
Mar 20, 2007

Donncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Donncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?


I kind of wish that all happened in one night, with JR and Lawler periodically checking in on Austin throughout the episode.

"Where's Stone Cold now? Let's check in on Ste-"

Cuts to Austin about to murder some random person while burning down a church like Varg

Cuts back to JR and Lawler both sitting at commentary like

Vagabundo fucked around with this message at 07:22 on May 1, 2020

TV Zombie
Sep 6, 2011

MAMAMOO STAN





Dinosaur Gum

Black face and bicycle theft are my picks, in terms of things I donít remember austindoing. I think he forced Vince to de pants himself but I wonder if it was during the kiss my rear end club or when he had the fake handgun.

sticklefifer
Nov 11, 2003

TOO EASY

X-Pac was blackface. I still don't know how everyone was somehow OK with that.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Good work everybody! Here are the answers I had in mind when I wrote the list:

quote:

- Practiced medicine without a license

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SL6ND8PfJQ0#t=38s

quote:

- Driving under the influence

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZpRv1FVAvsI#t=324s

quote:

- Vehicular Assault

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM-e46xdcUo

He smashed a lot of vehicles with his own vehicles, and he got run over once, but I don't recall any time he actually hit somebody with a vehicle himself.

quote:

- Bicycle theft

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM-e46xdcUo

quote:

- Performing in blackface

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM-e46xdcUo

quote:

- Beating up a woman (on television, we already know it's true he did it in real life)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DySPltwSLDM#t=99s

quote:

- Public urination

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM-e46xdcUo

To be fair this was a trick question. There's a show where Austin is the acting CEO of WWE (of course) and dumps manure in the boardroom, then it appears he's pissing openly on the pile of poo poo before they reveal he's just pouring out beer.

quote:

- Car vandalism

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gLjQiYBPQI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ivigV9n4_w#t=261s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LgABOyTJJUM#t=372s

quote:

- Cockfighting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM-e46xdcUo

quote:

quote:

- Brawling in a public space

quote:

- Property damage

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGqx9iXvFTQ

quote:

- Waterway littering

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwWWzModIdk#t=56s

quote:

- Sharking/debagging

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZFArVawmP8

quote:

quote:

- Hostage taking

quote:

- Threatening with a firearm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLxOFH_jlzI

quote:

- Crashing a family reunion

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b-TCrICLvG0#t=2115s

quote:

- Vandalization of a Church

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GM-e46xdcUo

quote:

- Attempted murder

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1uTj5wMtyLM

I hope you all enjoy your warm sense of accomplishment

Also, maybe he committed some of these crimes that I thought I made up! If you can think of anything that fits a crime I said Austin didn't commit, post a video or a screenshot and prove ME the liar! Your reward will be an even warmer sense of accomplishment!

Jerusalem fucked around with this message at 01:36 on May 2, 2020

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QdG4GtIrZeY#t=1s

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


I remember that happening, everybody in the GDT was freaking out because of the sudden shift to Standard Definition that still hasn't been explained to this day.

The Croc
Dec 19, 2004

A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird!

OH YEAH!



Jerusalem posted:

I remember that happening, everybody in the GDT was freaking out because of the sudden shift to Standard Definition that still hasn't been explained to this day.

Not only that Benoit had magic and changed the set to smackdown

a very weird day for the wwe universe.

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008



there is a big mistake in the video which has not been mentioned yet. the person who does mention the one i am thinking of will receive the extremely secret PM-only gangtag via-pm that i've only shared with a few people, and posted sometimes but edited it out very quickly so that almost no one has seen it. you can't use the gang tag outside of private messages so you have to paste it in them yourself. it's not a traditional gang tag in that sense. if you don't have plat then tell me your email address.

Cavauro
Jan 9, 2008



I lied! after so many people posted their theories and did so much research

sticklefifer
Nov 11, 2003

TOO EASY

Jerusalem posted:

He smashed a lot of vehicles with his own vehicles, and he got run over once, but I don't recall any time he actually hit somebody with a vehicle himself.

I feel like this should count as vehicular assault.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


sticklefifer posted:

I feel like this should count as vehicular assault.

I guess I considered vehicular assault to be attacking somebody else with a vehicle, as opposed to the attempted murder of somebody who happens to be IN a vehicle, but I guess you could make that argument too.

Golden Bee
Dec 24, 2009

I came here to chew bubblegum and quote 'They Live', and I'm... at an impasse.


In an attempt to win back younger fans, WWE has released a Time locked dating Sim, also called crush hour.

IronCladBurrito
Aug 11, 2002

Excuse me, is this where the bitches are found?



Jerusalem posted:

I guess I considered vehicular assault to be attacking somebody else with a vehicle, as opposed to the attempted murder of somebody who happens to be IN a vehicle, but I guess you could make that argument too.

TBF He used a vehicle to attack HHH. Just not a car or whatever.

sticklefifer
Nov 11, 2003

TOO EASY

IronCladBurrito posted:

TBF He used a vehicle to attack HHH. Just not a car or whatever.

Yeah, that was my reasoning. A vehicle to assault someone else, whether they're in or out of another vehicle.

Vagabundo
Mar 20, 2007

Donncha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Donncha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?


According to spoilers, in an attempt to reverse cratering ratings numbers, the upcoming episode of RAW will feature Dave Batista. Apparently he spends almost the entirety of the three hours standing in the ring listing household objects that do not hold grudges, as matches and promo segments continue around him.

Maigius
Jun 29, 2013

THUNDERDOME LOSER


Vagabundo posted:

According to spoilers, in an attempt to reverse cratering ratings numbers, the upcoming episode of RAW will feature Dave Batista. Apparently he spends almost the entirety of the three hours standing in the ring listing household objects that do not hold grudges, as matches and promo segments continue around him.

Honestly, I'd watch that. It sounds like it would be funny in a weird way.

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Here are the Raw results.... mostly:

Raw Results 5/4:
  • An interview segment didn't have enough seats for everybody.
  • WWE booked a match where nobody knew who was in it or how long it would run for or when it would end.
  • A wrestler got kicked out of a match for kicking too much rear end.
  • That same wrestler hung around at ringside sarcastically protesting the entire rest of the match.
  • A big star just kind of showed up again after a lengthy absence with no explanation.
  • A wrestler visibly struggled with the math of who was better than who on the roster.
  • Jobbers defeated stars in a tag team match.
  • There's a "happy room" for over-agitated wrestlers to relax in now.
  • A wrestler has a new move where he gets thrown high into the air and lands directly on his ankles, then turns around and waits for applause that never comes.
  • A tag team who said that they were superior in every way to the tag champions... defeated the tag champions. The match was not for the tag titles.
  • There's also a spooky music fog room now for wrestlers to make ominous statements in.
  • A wrestler with recent back-to-back wins got fed to a bigger star to make the star look good before an upcoming title match.
  • The top babyface defeated a henchman of the top heel, which seemed to surprise the top heel.
  • The top babyface got jumped from behind in an empty arena by a guy he'd just challenged to come into the ring and fight him.
  • The top babyface ended up standing tall in the go-home show before his title defense at the PPV.

Can you guess which of these are true, and which are (CNN voice) misleading, seemingly inaccurate statements that do not hold up to closer scrutiny?

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011



THIS is the one that is the trick question.

Wazzu
Feb 28, 2008

Are you sure I'm winning the Rumble? That does'nt seem right.....

....i can't believe the happy room.

I can easily believe they're back to the champions losing non title in their division, the worst loving booking.

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

Excuse me, I'd like to
speak to the moderator




Jerusalem posted:

Jobbers defeated stars in a tag team match.

It's this, there's no such thing as stars in the tag team division

Defiance Industries
Jul 22, 2010

A five-star manufacturer




Or anywhere else on the full-time roster

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011



Rarity posted:

It's this, there's no such thing as stars in the tag team division

But what if it is two singles wrestlers who have received pushes within the previous three hundred and sixty five days?

Quantum of Phallus
Dec 27, 2010
Probation
Can't post for 24 hours!


King Corbin cuts a promo on Seth's unborn child and challenges Becky to an inter-gender HIAC match at Backlash

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


It's been awhile, let's do this again!

Which of these results from the latest Raw are real, and which are made up (one of them is a gimme):

- A former Universal Champion is now relegated to interviewer status.
- A major title changed hands on the show.
- A wrestler's sudden retirement was just casually mentioned off-hand.
- One of the talent was wearing werewolf make-up.
- A wrestler took a phonecall in the middle of an interview.
- A wrestler found a portal from which they could retrieve multiple consumable items.
- One of the wrestlers has developed a fetish for eyes.
- Ricochet wrestled a match and won.
- Three wrestlers who have all lost their most recent matches fought for a shot at the title. One of the losers won.
- One of the wrestlers has decided they need to just take time and like, find themselves, maaaan.
- Strict adherence to social distancing rules were thrown out the window at the last second.
- Vince McMahon is still adamant that nobody takes a knee.
- Two wrestlers complained about how two other wrestlers were given endless opportunities without earning them, pointed out these other two wrestlers hadn't beaten them, then beat up the two other wrestlers when they came out to get in their faces. The two triumphant wrestlers are very good friends and love and support each other. They are the heels in this situation.

karmicknight
Aug 21, 2011



Alright, so THIS is the one where they are all true.

Jerusalem posted:

- A former Universal Champion is now relegated to interviewer status.
- A major title changed hands on the show.
- Ricochet wrestled a match and won.

These are my guesses:
+ there are not enough Universal champions for one of them to be relegated to an interviewer (because they are all old)
+ There are no major titles.
+

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


karmicknight posted:

+ there are not enough Universal champions for one of them to be relegated to an interviewer (because they are all old)

Are you sure?

karmicknight posted:

+ There are no major titles.

This was a trick question, because Apollo Crews won the United States Championship, but the US Title is not a major title


That was the gimme!

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

Excuse me, I'd like to
speak to the moderator




Jerusalem posted:

- Ricochet wrestled a match and won.

Lies

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Sorry guys I tried to be clever but went back to the well too often. I took a section of the Parking Lost Brawl from the latest NXT Takeover and applied all kinds of dumb cuts and lighting changes and continuity errors and jump cuts and framing issues like that AEW one I made as a parody... but I took it too far and made it completely unwatchable garbage. Next time I'll try to show a little restraint, nobody would believe the below is something that WWE would actually put out for real as their product

https://i.imgur.com/ZB7QvIC.mp4

Rarity
Oct 21, 2010

Excuse me, I'd like to
speak to the moderator




That's not been edited! That's not been edited at all!

Jerusalem
May 20, 2004

Would you be my new best friends?


Sure Rarity, the multi-billion dollar company with over a week to edit it together put out something that looked like that

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Prokhor Zakharov
Dec 31, 2008
Good luck with your depression!


NXT Takeover In Your House 6/7:
  • Road Dogg is in your house. He's sitting on your couch. You don't remember inviting him in, though he insists you did. You can't remember a time when Road Dogg wasn't in your house. He's eating a cold hot pocket, his third of the last hour, producing them unwrapped from his sweatpants pocket. You want Road Dogg to leave. Why won't you make Road Dogg leave?

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