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Uses his Spidey senses to know when your teenage daughter is out sunbathing in the backyard so he can creep on her from his upstairs bathroom window. |
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May 3, 2020 12:54
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 04:57 |
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When he does that weird upside-down hand thing, you should run. Not because he is about to constrain you in his powerful webbing. It is the prelude to an absolutely endless monologue about proper lawn-care. |
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May 3, 2020 15:44
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spider-man taught my son to ride a bike. SPIDER-MAN!
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May 3, 2020 17:01
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Non-stop quipping right outside my window in the dead of night |
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May 3, 2020 17:16
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Aunt May tearfully tying to explain that the bank is taking the house but Spider-Douche won't stop trying to make a pun happen |
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May 3, 2020 17:21
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oh but seriously I posted:Non-stop quipping right outside my window in the dead of night "looks like you're trying to sleep. UNLIKE CRIME!"
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May 3, 2020 17:21
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i started building a new fence, but i woke up this morning to find spider-man had torn everything apart, webbed all the boards together and hung them from a lamp post. when i dragged my ladder over to cut the drat thing down he'd stuck a note on it that said "NO FENCES OVER 5'9 IN THE NEIGHBOURHOOD, ACCORDING TO THE CHARTER. YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBOURHOOD COUNCIL SPIDER-MAN"
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May 3, 2020 17:23
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Get off my property. Sheila, go get the glass and piece of paper from the safe |
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May 3, 2020 17:30
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spider-man, spider-man, parks behind my u-haul van "you can't leave here!", yells the grouch trips the guys moving my couch please let me out of here, spider-man
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May 3, 2020 17:34
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oh but seriously I posted:Get off my property. Sheila, go get the glass and piece of paper from the safe lol
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May 3, 2020 17:34
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J Jonah Jameson shouting at Peter Parker to get him some drat photos of Spider man letting his dog poo poo in his front yard, he knows it's him, the rear end in a top hat! Peter pleads with him "but boss, spider man doesn't even have a dog..i mean, I don't think he even has a dog!" Peter has a large, well fed dog. |
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May 3, 2020 18:07
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is he strong? i don't care! i'd rather he be elsewhere! he can swing form a thread - i wish he'd just leave instead. i'm quite sick of you, spider-man!
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May 3, 2020 18:16
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my neighbor, spiderman, stole the sunday paper right off my porch. now I don't have anything to roll up and swat at him with |
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May 3, 2020 23:42
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| Spiderman doesn't thank essential workers | |
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May 4, 2020 06:12
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Dickhead had some sort of problem with taking off his shoes before walking on my carpet, so he just spent the entire evening on the ceiling, frequently looking down my wife's blouse. |
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May 4, 2020 10:30
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DOPE FIEND KILLA G posted:following a messy break up with mary jane spider man patronizes a local artist to install a massive 600 statue of a middle finger facing her window I dunno if you've ever been to Milan, but they have one of these |
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May 4, 2020 17:08
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Spiderman: "I only drink skim milk." JJ Jameson: "I don't care about spiderman anymore." |
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May 4, 2020 18:35
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Spiderman: "get me pictures of spiderman! I need to post them to the neighbourhood watch FB group!" |
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May 4, 2020 18:38
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Parker's job was to source obscure pieces from Spiderman's "Blue" period, hence JJ's constant irritation. |
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May 4, 2020 19:13
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You know they don't just call him the "wall crawler" because of his ability to climb walls. It's because he drinks. A lot. Just comes home screaming and using walls for balance |
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May 4, 2020 19:24
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he uses his spidey-sense to always crash my backyard parties. i swear if i have to hear his "i invented the world wide web" joke one more time, i'll scream!
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May 4, 2020 22:03
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If he "does whatever a spider can" why are the mosquitoes so bad this year? |
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May 4, 2020 22:17
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spider-man told me he was going to wear his black costume to my halloween party, and i was really excited for a return to the alien costume saga. if i had thought about it i would have made sure that was what he meant before i "gave him permission" because the fight that started when he arrived was very one sided.
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May 4, 2020 23:51
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| # ? Apr 26, 2024 04:57 |
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Spider-Man: hits like hits subscribe doesn’t hit the bell icon but comments saying that he did to still be eligible for my gift card giveaway
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May 5, 2020 21:23
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