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 CHAPTER 3: The pandemic continues to spread throughout the entire planet, infecting 3,304,139 individuals (officially as of 4/30 23:59 UTC) and likely much more than that (unofficially). COVID-19 / SARS-nCoV-2 or just simply Corona ripped through the American East Coast, spreading from just 193,353 cases in the USA to 1.1+ million in a month's time, more than a 5.5x increase, along with liberating over 64,000 skeleton-Americans -- that's twenty-one 9/11s! -- from their fleshy prisons. I, however, come to preach the good news to the beanless. Our wise leaders have determined that it's time to end the shutdown and send America back to work to further enrich our esteemed billionaires. Finally American scalps will no longer be oppressed by perpetual follicular growth. The peak has passed, and the V-shaped recovery has begun. Number shall soar into the stratosphere, grand and majestic! THE LAND OF THE FREE IS OPEN! Behold the beautiful Golden Land:  There is currently no vaccine, but worldwide there are dozens of teams of medical scientists working on producing one. Even if one of these teams succeed, there will still be a long period between their success and the worldwide manufacture and administration of a safe and effective vaccine. Until then, the best way of dealing with COVID-19 is to avoid catching it in the first place, if possible:
Do not inject yourself with Lysol, drain cleaner, ultraviolet light, or really anything Donald J. Trump suggests for you to inject.
quote:These symptoms may appear 2-14 days after exposure.*
SKULL.GIF has issued a correction as of 04:39 on May 10, 2020 |
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May 1, 2020 01:00
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SKULL.GIF has issued a correction as of 15:49 on May 7, 2020 |
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May 1, 2020 01:00
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Guess how many cumulative deaths we have on worldometer's COVID-19 report for May 31st for the USA. The closest guess gets the satisfaction of being smarter than a bunch of idiot epidemiologists. If you are dead on May 31st, you may not redeem this prize. The guessing window closes at +07:00 GMT on May 2nd. ==================== Thank you to everyone that guessed, especially those hoping for resurrection or megadeath, your voices matter too. Here is a link to the guess spreadsheet. There are 215 guesses in total which I have run through the C-SPAM University Model to yield the following estimates: - 169421 expected deaths (median). - 153842 to 185599 deaths (95% Bootstrap Confidence Interval of the median). I will consider CUM a success if deaths fall within this range. Here are the deaths:  C-SPAM University Model vs Epidemiologists:  C-SPAM vs C-SPAM       Worldometer resets a bit after 00:00 GMT every day, and I will try to keep daily updates rolling. Notorious R.I.M. has issued a correction as of 02:27 on May 27, 2020 |
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May 1, 2020 01:00
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FAKE NEWS!! its still the 30th of april!
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May 1, 2020 01:01
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that fresh thread smell
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May 1, 2020 01:02
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MAY this be the month the US finally gets coronavirus under control! Yeah!
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May 1, 2020 01:03
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big beautiful covid-19 balls dangling on my face
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May 1, 2020 01:03
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say that states and localities that are opening up now are making a mistake.
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May 1, 2020 01:04
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May 1, 2020 01:04
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Just wanna say that I can’t wait to die.
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May 1, 2020 01:04
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*sniff sniff* ooo yeah *sniff sniff sniff*
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May 1, 2020 01:04
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Samurai Sanders posted:I'm going to go out on a limb and say that states and localities that are opening up now are making a mistake. It owns lol
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May 1, 2020 01:04
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open it up already
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May 1, 2020 01:05
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May 1, 2020 01:05
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Grizzled Patriarch posted:that fresh thread smell Congratulation, you do not (yet) have coronavirus.
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May 1, 2020 01:05
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dat new thread smell
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May 1, 2020 01:05
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you got a fuckin audio calendar or what
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May 1, 2020 01:05
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Bring out yer dead.
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May 1, 2020 01:05
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gross
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May 1, 2020 01:05
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100% death rate for covid-19 threads so far. seems bad
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May 1, 2020 01:06
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what we really gonna do this virus every single month now. poo poo is old news the local flea market is opening this weekend EAT IT YOU LIBS 
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May 1, 2020 01:06
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Notorious R.I.M. posted:COVID-19 MAY 2020 USA CUM DEATHS GUESSING GAME my official guess is 169,420 dead in the united states on May 31st
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May 1, 2020 01:07
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Notorious R.I.M. posted:COVID-19 MAY 2020 USA CUM DEATHS GUESSING GAME My best guess is 147,069 American deaths at the close of May 31st, 2020. This is based on strictly eyeballing the graphs, some knowledge of what areas are going to get hit next, and some arithmetic. We went from about 5000 deaths to 64,000 deaths over a span of 30 days, and I expect the death rate to remain steady (as NYC's winding down) but slightly escalate (as the Great Lakes and the Deep South get hammered) over this coming month.
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May 1, 2020 01:07
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Death
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May 1, 2020 01:07
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I <3 roni
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May 1, 2020 01:07
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More like bore-onavirus yawn
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May 1, 2020 01:07
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I'm glad the worst is over, folks.
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May 1, 2020 01:07
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Are we dead yet
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May 1, 2020 01:07
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May 1, 2020 01:08
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May 1, 2020 01:08
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2DCAT posted:Are we dead yet Death is certain keep yr cool
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May 1, 2020 01:08
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7E9CZQ3_iBQ
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May 1, 2020 01:08
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2DCAT posted:Are we dead yet trying to figure out if being single and playing video games all day is heaven or hell
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May 1, 2020 01:08
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Ground floor for the Great Dixie Suicide Stampede
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May 1, 2020 01:09
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Vox Nihili posted:Death https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YlbnMnv1u88
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May 1, 2020 01:09
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Just like catching the roni, I'm ground floor here
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May 1, 2020 01:09
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201k dead space odyssey
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May 1, 2020 01:09
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2DCAT posted:Are we dead yet posting in cspam aint livin
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May 1, 2020 01:09
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Notorious R.I.M. posted:COVID-19 MAY 2020 USA CUM DEATHS GUESSING GAME My guess is 120,069.
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May 1, 2020 01:09
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Flavius Aetass posted:you got a fuckin audio calendar or what Buddy, they don't even let me gently caress the audio calendar.
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May 1, 2020 01:10
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