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That every time Matches Malone joins a gang, Batman takes it down like the next night? Talk about Gotham's unluckiest career goon!
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May 4, 2020 06:53
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I'm more hung up on why J Jonah Jameson loving HATES spiderman when dude does nothing but help sell papers for him.
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May 4, 2020 06:57
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I love Bats, Supes, Spidey and Irony Manny-wanny and they're my real friends
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May 4, 2020 07:05
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SilvergunSuperman posted:I'm more hung up on why J Jonah Jameson loving HATES spiderman when dude does nothing but help sell papers for him. It's a real complicated relationship (it's drugs)
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May 4, 2020 07:15
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spider man but instead of fighting crime peter parker is NYC's biggest drug dealer. swinin' and slingin'
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May 4, 2020 07:28
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I mean it could also be a sex thing. Like they really want to smooch but they can't get their kinks to line up. They're both obviously into bondage, but JJ Jameson is a leather daddy and Peter Spiderman is into shibari and as the saying goes never the twain shall meet
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May 4, 2020 07:30
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Yes, only instead of a gang, its my rear end, and instead if matches malone it's a handful of cherries
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May 4, 2020 08:59
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CarpenterWalrus posted:I mean it could also be a sex thing. Like they really want to smooch but they can't get their kinks to line up. They're both obviously into bondage, but JJ Jameson is a leather daddy and Peter Spiderman is into shibari and as the saying goes never the twain shall meet More like “never the twine shall meet," amirite? Applewhite fucked around with this message at 20:49 on May 4, 2020 |
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May 4, 2020 12:01
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SilvergunSuperman posted:I'm more hung up on why J Jonah Jameson loving HATES spiderman when dude does nothing but help sell papers for him. He's not smart enough to realize that. He thinks it's the opposite; that he does so well because of the "quality" of the content. And he presumes his audience agrees with him. One of the many great things about the PS4 game was how Insomniac reduced him to an Alex Jones-style blowhard who hosts a podcast and gets crank callers and common people calling him out on his own show.
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May 4, 2020 20:23
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One day all those people will see. They'll all see just what a menace Spiderman is. With those...skin tight suits and all that sticky, hot, white, web that he blasts...everywhere. One day they'll see what a drat freak he is. Then they'll know. Oh they'll know all right. And they'll all demand MORE pictures of Spiderman and they'll come running. Demanding to see more of just how...dangerous and supple he is...ah god.
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May 4, 2020 20:29
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the statistical improbability of superman being an alien yet looking exactly like a human is almost mindblowing
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May 4, 2020 20:32
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SilvergunSuperman posted:I'm more hung up on why J Jonah Jameson loving HATES spiderman when dude does nothing but help sell papers for him. It's misplaced rage from an abusive childhood where his father routinely tied him up and fed him flies.
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May 5, 2020 02:40
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VikingSkull posted:the statistical improbability of superman being an alien yet looking exactly like a human is almost mindblowing And not just any human but a traditionally attractive one. Imagine if he looked like Carrot Top or something
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May 5, 2020 02:43
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As a part time spiderman I have to say I'm not sure how I feel about this thread yet.
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May 5, 2020 02:45
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VikingSkull posted:the statistical improbability of superman being an alien yet looking exactly like a human is almost mindblowing Have we ever seen his dick tho? It could be all weird and gross looking
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May 5, 2020 02:46
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DeadFatDuckFat posted:Have we ever seen his dick tho? It could be all weird and gross looking I heard Solomon Grundy is packing some major wood.
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May 5, 2020 02:47
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I think it's odd that Bruce Wayne thinks he can fix the societal problems of crime and it's relationship to poverty by punching people, but I didn't inherit infinite money from my murdered parents so what do I know.
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May 5, 2020 03:35
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Tricky D posted:I think it's odd that Bruce Wayne thinks he can fix the societal problems of crime and it's relationship to poverty by punching people, but I didn't inherit infinite money from my murdered parents so what do I know. That's a hot take right there
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May 5, 2020 03:42
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Piss Meridian posted:That's a hot take right there laffo, batman has been understood to be a white flight fascist fantasy for longer than i have been alive.
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May 5, 2020 04:40
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Tricky D posted:laffo, batman has been understood to be a white flight fascist fantasy for longer than i have been alive. Repeatedly in the comics even Edit: it's almost like all the characters are mentally ill or something
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May 5, 2020 04:45
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thor is real and he's PISSED
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May 5, 2020 04:47
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Piss Meridian posted:Repeatedly in the comics even So, we're in agreement. It's hard to gauge tone when the phrase "hot take" is used.
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May 5, 2020 04:56
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No
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May 5, 2020 04:57
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Tricky D posted:So, we're in agreement. It's hard to gauge tone when the phrase "hot take" is used. It's a room temperature take yeah.
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May 5, 2020 04:58
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Batman is a good superhero forr me 2 poop ohn
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May 5, 2020 05:02
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We see the faults in others that we most want to fix in ourselves. That's why batman beats the loving poo poo out of an old, short, fat man who fetishizes birds and uses an umbrella as a helicopter. He's all of those things himself and wants to overcome all of that and tries to beat it out of the "other" when he can't restrain his own lust for waddling around puffing gas in people's faces while dressed like a knock-off of the Monopoly man.
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May 5, 2020 05:14
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Inverted Icon posted:Batman is a good superhero I'm sorry friend. The big searchlight we turn on to summon Scatman is on a different roof, three buildings over.
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May 5, 2020 05:31
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Blurry Gray Thing posted:I'm sorry friend. The big searchlight we turn on to summon Scatman is on a different roof, three buildings over. thats less of a searchlight and more of a nineties potato chip commercial showing a danceoff between a bunch of enthusiastic and diverse teens
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May 5, 2020 05:54
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SilvergunSuperman posted:I'm more hung up on why J Jonah Jameson loving HATES spiderman when dude does nothing but help sell papers for him. The paper is supposed to run at a loss for a tax write off and his corporate overlords are making his life a real hell every time he turns a profit.
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May 5, 2020 05:54
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You guys ever wonder how you never see Wonderwoman and her alter-ego ... uh, Diana something... uh, in the same room or whatever?
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May 5, 2020 06:05
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1redflag posted:You guys ever wonder how you never see Wonderwoman and her alter-ego ... uh, Diana something... uh, in the same room or whatever? Who pays attention to dames?
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May 5, 2020 06:16
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*stands under a spider-man web waiting for it to dissolve and drip*
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May 5, 2020 06:44
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im the web mopper ed koch started the position in the 80s. i pretty much go around to various crime scenes and mop up all the spider loads after the spiderman nabs the bad guy. my department bankrupted the city a couple years in with all the thwarted bank robberies i had to cleanup. it was a p bad year for crime, but a loving great year for OT. bought me a jetski. got into coke. thought i could handle it. lost everything. heh. i guess you could say me and mr swabs over here have had quite a ride. yep. quite a ride.
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May 5, 2020 07:01
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gary oldmans diary posted:*stands under a spider-man web waiting for it to dissolve and drip* Mouth open, tongue out. Desperate.
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May 5, 2020 07:08
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Inverted Icon posted:Yes, only instead of a gang, its my rear end, and instead if matches malone it's a handful of cherries
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May 5, 2020 07:20
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It must suck to be a civilian in need and Batman or Spiderman is just taking a nap at that time, so you get beat up or killed.
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May 5, 2020 07:47
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You guys ever think about how odd it is that he still uses matches? What's the deal? Is that really his nickname? Is it his supervillain gimmick? Is he only 'slumming it' with the regular criminals until his career takes off and he can afford his... match suit? Because, buddy, let me tell you, I don't think your gimmick is going to take you very far in super-crime.
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May 5, 2020 08:14
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Tricky D posted:I think it's odd that Bruce Wayne thinks he can fix the societal problems of crime and it's relationship to poverty by punching people, but I didn't inherit infinite money from my murdered parents so what do I know. It's typical capitalist fascism. "My money gives me power over others, I'll exert my will"
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May 5, 2020 12:00
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*spiderman looks at Matches Malone hanging from a building tied up in a big ball of webbing* 'well mr malone looks like it's game, set... and match'
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May 5, 2020 14:14
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| # ? Apr 16, 2024 12:29 |
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Matches Malone now reigns alone as the king of crime. Spiderman is powerless to stop him as he addresses the people. "Hello! I am...Matches Malone! The Crime Man. I have done this alone! Without...equal!" Spiderman's super-pun ears perk up, but he is left unfulfilled. Matches continues, " In fact, some could say that without a partner, someone to commiserate with, I'm..", Spiderman leans in eagerly, nearly salivating. This is it. This will be the pun he needs. His erection is so large right now..."...without peer." Finishes Matches. Spiderman recoils in frantic terror. This isn't right! What's happening?! He's supposed to make a name based pun! He's supposed to say MATCH! "Now, of course, as the NEW super villain, I've defeated Spiderman. I've taken control of the crime syndicate when they confused me for their leader, Dr. Deplorable the Unwise, due to my facial scrambler fooling their security system which uses an adv-" This was it. Here it comes. Spiderman leaped back to a fully alert, crouched position, mercilessly beating his veiny spider wang through his spandex. Soon Matches would say that his facial ray made his features MATCH those of the Doctor and that would be enough. That would be the name based pun that Spidey needed to push him over the edge to fully recharge his J/O crystals. It was coming. He could feel it building. "-anced technique to make my face-" Yes. Yes here it came! "Closely resemble Dr. Deplorab-" NO. No this couldn't be. It wasn't fair. Now he'd have to go home to Mary Jane and her worthless horrible woman's body. Again.
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May 5, 2020 15:17
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