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Melthir
Dec 29, 2009

I need to go scrap some money together cause my avatar is just sad.


Since our thread much like our entire service was forgotten about and ignored I have taken it upon myself to make a new one cause why the gently caress not.

There are like 5 of us on here and between all of us we have seen a lot of different poo poo and had a lot of different jobs, from boat drivers, to mechanics, to international law enforcement to professional desk surfing. So we can probably answer most of your questions about what is arguably the most family friendly not 100% mentality challenged service branch.

We occasionally get paid on time and as with any good stepchild get everyone else's hand me downs regardless of actual working condition. That being said the primary difference is that unlike the rest of the military branches we actually do something on a daily basis and generally assist everyone else in the background. That and we give our Jr. members a hilarious amount of responsibility when compared to most other branches. We are the service least likely to gently caress your life up for made up reasons and surprisingly most of the guys who post on here don't despise what they do but its still the military so the general rules of fuckery still apply. (Ask me about the missing chunks of my spine)

For more info reach out to us or head to the CG website.









And for fucks sake don't try to join thinking that you won't have to get on a ship cause that's a really bad idea while the navy claims the record for longest patrol we used to legit anchor lightships(portable lighthouses) out on the water and sometimes crew swaps were every six months. While we no longer do it that type of poo poo is how you find yourself on a ship doing something dumb like getting ready for a 164 day patrol of best Korea or getting underway for six months to circumnavigate North America. That being said you may also find yourself on a ship that does a beer cruise up to the Dakotas

Melthir fucked around with this message at 03:10 on May 5, 2020

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piL
Sep 20, 2007
(__|\\\\)

Taco Defender

During my first year in the Navy, I really appreciated that Coast Guard made their rank insignia visible. When walking past a coastie, I didn't have to have staring matches with BM1 who thought I was trying to intimidate them into saluting but I was just trying to figure out if they were a Commander.

Eason the Fifth
Apr 9, 2020


Was six years Marine enlisted and now coming up on six years doing contractor work for the Coast Guard

have to tell you, I should've joined the Coast Guard instead of the Marines

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



I love astoria Oregon.

I hate sector columbia river.

piL
Sep 20, 2007
(__|\\\\)

Taco Defender

ElMaligno posted:

I love astoria Oregon.

I hate sector columbia river.

What's bad about the Columbia River?

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



piL posted:

What's bad about the Columbia River?

I seriously dont know how to formulate an answer to this. San Francisco was leaps and bounds better, Columbia River is good but it feels... Off i guess?

piL
Sep 20, 2007
(__|\\\\)

Taco Defender

ElMaligno posted:

I seriously dont know how to formulate an answer to this. San Francisco was leaps and bounds better, Columbia River is good but it feels... Off i guess?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vLZOKshJPs

Meshka
Nov 27, 2016


ElMaligno posted:

I seriously dont know how to formulate an answer to this. San Francisco was leaps and bounds better, Columbia River is good but it feels... Off i guess?

I was there for a short time, but I did not really interact with anyone outside my shop, but my one regret was not exploring Oregon more during my time in Astoria. Astoria is very nice, but unless you are in CG or retired, not a great job market. If you get a chance do the Astoria, Portland, Tillamook circle drive, it's great and can be done in a day.

Nice and hot piss
Jan 31, 2004



I walked by a coast guard...House? or something in Newport Oregon and there was a dude just chilling in his car in his uniform and feet propped upon his open door.

poo poo was dank and makes me think the coast guard is cool and good

Melthir
Dec 29, 2009

I need to go scrap some money together cause my avatar is just sad.


piL posted:

What's bad about the Columbia River?

D13 is home to a large group of adrenalin junkies called surfmen. It feeds back into the other CG units in the area and it creates a culture of stupidity and stress for no reasons. It should be one of the coolest places in the CG but it somehow ends up sucking for a large amount of people.

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



Melthir posted:

D13 is home to a large group of adrenalin junkies called surfmen. It feeds back into the other CG units in the area and it creates a culture of stupidity and stress for no reasons. It should be one of the coolest places in the CG but it somehow ends up sucking for a large amount of people.


Forgot the fact that we are also a Jayhawk airstation....

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



Currently on Night watch #3, Juniper decided to wake me up earlier than i wanted but i still managed to get some hours of light sleep.

You know those pictures of Ben Affleck smoking, tho one he looks old as gently caress, tired and dejected? Yeah, i feel like that.

Melthir
Dec 29, 2009

I need to go scrap some money together cause my avatar is just sad.


ElMaligno posted:


Forgot the fact that we are also a Jayhawk airstation....

Ashton Kutcher wannabes are a CG wide phenomenon, donut havers are not.

BUG JUG
Feb 17, 2005





Posting here stealing my sister's valor because Coast Guard is the chillest branch.

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



Melthir posted:

Ashton Kutcher wannabes are a CG wide phenomenon, donut havers are not.

Rescue swimmers are chill dudes

Pilots and officers have a high potential of being baaaaad

ElMaligno fucked around with this message at 06:36 on May 15, 2020

Melthir
Dec 29, 2009

I need to go scrap some money together cause my avatar is just sad.


ElMaligno posted:

Rescue swimmers are chill dudes

Pilots and officers have a high potential of being baaaaad

I mean...yeah their officers...

Melthir
Dec 29, 2009

I need to go scrap some money together cause my avatar is just sad.


Just a reminder the military hates everyone in it's own special way. We got a dude getting discharged cause he had a girlfriend while going through a divorce. Literally living in a different house then his wife for two years.

Wife got a live in boyfriend and already has a kid by him. Found out about his girlfriend and raised hell. Dudes getting the boot at 18 years.

nwin
Feb 25, 2002

make's u think


Fallen Rib

Melthir posted:

I mean...yeah their officers...

Hey!

I had so much more fun as a BM2 at a small boat station, but it’s pretty nice not having a dickhead XPO withholding liberty for hours on end to teach us a lesson.

He got the boot at 17 years for coming back drunk to his boat and punching his CS3 in the face. He’s now a sheriff in Maine...

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

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Do Crime!



Things are better at work, who knew that doing a 2 month rotation of day/night watches instead of doing them monthly AND working days would make me for a better worker.

Melthir
Dec 29, 2009

I need to go scrap some money together cause my avatar is just sad.


ElMaligno posted:

Things are better at work, who knew that doing a 2 month rotation of day/night watches instead of doing them monthly AND working days would make me for a better worker.

Wait what?

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



Melthir posted:

Wait what?

For a period of like 8 months we moved from doing 2 months of day or nights (as in you work 2 months of days, then switch to 2 months of nights) to doing it monthly (as in 1 month of days then 1 month of nights).

it loving sucked and only changed because people brought it up at our last all hands.

nwin
Feb 25, 2002

make's u think


Fallen Rib

ElMaligno posted:

For a period of like 8 months we moved from doing 2 months of day or nights (as in you work 2 months of days, then switch to 2 months of nights) to doing it monthly (as in 1 month of days then 1 month of nights).

it loving sucked and only changed because people brought it up at our last all hands.

Wouldn’t you rather do something the same way for 2 months so your body can adjust to it rather than flipping every month?

I guess if you really loving hate one of them that could be bad though.

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



nwin posted:

Wouldn’t you rather do something the same way for 2 months so your body can adjust to it rather than flipping every month?

I guess if you really loving hate one of them that could be bad though.

I think you misread me, i hate flipping watches every month. My wife can attest i was a miserable motherfucker

krispykremessuck
Jul 22, 2005

unlike most veterans and SA members $10 is not a meaningful expenditure for me

I'm gonna have me a swag Bar-B-Q

Melthir posted:

Just a reminder the military hates everyone in it's own special way. We got a dude getting discharged cause he had a girlfriend while going through a divorce. Literally living in a different house then his wife for two years.

Wife got a live in boyfriend and already has a kid by him. Found out about his girlfriend and raised hell. Dudes getting the boot at 18 years.

yup the mil doesn't recognize status: separated, even with court documents. though somewhere in the ucmj or mcm it says that at sentencing it should be taken into consideration, or something. idk I've been out for a long time

e: for disciplinary poo poo, anyway. I'm sure they wouldn't hesitate to take BAH/FSA away

nwin
Feb 25, 2002

make's u think


Fallen Rib

krispykremessuck posted:

yup the mil doesn't recognize status: separated, even with court documents. though somewhere in the ucmj or mcm it says that at sentencing it should be taken into consideration, or something. idk I've been out for a long time

e: for disciplinary poo poo, anyway. I'm sure they wouldn't hesitate to take BAH/FSA away

Are you still a GS with the navy? Something like that?

krispykremessuck
Jul 22, 2005

unlike most veterans and SA members $10 is not a meaningful expenditure for me

I'm gonna have me a swag Bar-B-Q

nwin posted:

Are you still a GS with the navy? Something like that?

probably, it's hard to tell sometimes

bird cooch
Jan 19, 2007


Did an enlistment with the Navy then hopped to the coast guard. Best job in the world. Wish I was still doing it.

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



Boy i am working this 4th of july and its barely been an hour and we already had a case

nwin
Feb 25, 2002

make's u think


Fallen Rib

ElMaligno posted:

Boy i am working this 4th of july and its barely been an hour and we already had a case

Well poo poo-that’s one positive to this payback tour. Zero fucks given about it being the fourth.

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



nwin posted:

Well poo poo-that’s one positive to this payback tour. Zero fucks given about it being the fourth.

Got two cases now, went had my poop break before all hell breaks loose.

Melthir
Dec 29, 2009

I need to go scrap some money together cause my avatar is just sad.


Mother fuckers, we had a really high tide and alot of people here have rigged up a system that allows you to push your boat off the shore let it drift off the pull a rope and release your anchor. When you pull the rope again it will lift your anchor and allow you to pull the boat in by hand. Tide was like 17. Bunch of guys didn't have enough line out on there anchor so their boats floated off. They are now calling the Cg asking to be picked up then throwing a Karen fit when they are told bm at the station it's going to be a bit cause they are working a legit search and rescue case.

So they call call the base and start yelling at me cause BM2 fuckstick told them that they would not be picked up instantly and want a helo launched. I told them that's the stations call and get yelled at some more and told that they dont have enough food to make it through lunch....I pull the phone away and start laughing. Lady is straight furious at this point.This lady is legit trying to convince me she may die if she misses a lunch after already stating that she had no medical conditions that would need emergency treatment.


Would I be a dick if I called station and arranged for them to pick her up after dinner?

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



Up to 4 cases. Two which where a stealth cases, one insofar as station just straight up towed a disabled vsl and only told us after the fact and the other one because they told their small boat about it... but they never told us.

Melthir posted:

Mother fuckers, we had a really high tide and alot of people here have rigged up a system that allows you to push your boat off the shore let it drift off the pull a rope and release your anchor. When you pull the rope again it will lift your anchor and allow you to pull the boat in by hand. Tide was like 17. Bunch of guys didn't have enough line out on there anchor so their boats floated off. They are now calling the Cg asking to be picked up then throwing a Karen fit when they are told bm at the station it's going to be a bit cause they are working a legit search and rescue case.

So they call call the base and start yelling at me cause BM2 fuckstick told them that they would not be picked up instantly and want a helo launched. I told them that's the stations call and get yelled at some more and told that they dont have enough food to make it through lunch....I pull the phone away and start laughing. Lady is straight furious at this point.This lady is legit trying to convince me she may die if she misses a lunch after already stating that she had no medical conditions that would need emergency treatment.


Would I be a dick if I called station and arranged for them to pick her up after dinner?

*Ben affleck smoking tired*

not a dick move if you do it as a joke.

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



Up to 4 cases, a flare report/fire and a dead whale

BUG JUG
Feb 17, 2005





... Milwaukee?

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

Be Gay!
Do Crime!



BUG JUG posted:

... Milwaukee?

Coastal oregon

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

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Do Crime!



4 cases, a flare report/fire, a dead whale and a boat with two old guys aground

In more light news, this boat is Coast Guard Certified.

Melthir
Dec 29, 2009

I need to go scrap some money together cause my avatar is just sad.


Ah dead whales. Look up siuslaw river whale on YouTube. Great introduction to my old station.

Godholio
Aug 28, 2002

Does a bear split in the woods near Zheleznogorsk?


stay safe whale ghost

ElMaligno
Dec 31, 2004

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Do Crime!



4 cases, a flare report/fire, a dead whale, a boat with an old couple aground, one surfer actually surfing and one surfer in distress.

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nwin
Feb 25, 2002

make's u think


Fallen Rib

ElMaligno posted:

4 cases, a flare report/fire, a dead whale, a boat with an old couple aground, one surfer actually surfing and one surfer in distress.

Man I hated the calls about kite surfers “in distress”.

Goes out, investigates—-if they’re even still out there. Nope, no distress-they just fall down and get back up.

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